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[t26]

but who does Arlen wants to be with? What is the best interest of the child?

 

[Fireblend]

Blades, that sucks. That sucks in a way few things do. Ugh, if I were in your place I have no idea which words if any would bring me back from the frustration and pain. I have no kids, but I do want to have them some day, and if I were to adopt, a situation like this would probably devastate me.

Just, know that there's nothing wrong about "grieving" your loss, and I think you and your partner may want to look into finding a therapist if you feel like you need it.

Shitty situation.

 

[Currygan]

this is surely a shit sistuation, but you will overcome the pain, let's just hope it's a quick process

 

[Partial Gamification]

OK a brief back story for the interested. Obviously I can't go into detail but here it is:

Both of Arlen's parents have passed away. Her mother when she was about 2 years old, and her father when she was 11. She was placed into child services because her aunt took her in after her father died, but her aunt was abusive. Her sister was also living in that situation, and when she became 18 years old she left the home, and Arlen shortly after got taken into child services' custody.

Arlen and her sister have a close relationship but at the time her sister was not financially stable to take Arlen with her, and plus she was intimidated by the responsibility of it all. Fast forward a year later and she's now in a better place financially and seems more confident that she can handle the responsibility. During that year period was when my wife and I got involved. We signed up for the Christmas Foster care program at our local children's home and Arlen got selected to come to our home. She was a stranger to us at the time but like I said earlier, we fell in love with her.

We started the adoption process and worked on it for 9 months (since Christmas) but now that her sister is in a better place fininacially she decided that she wants to take Arlen. We don't know her sister that well, but we know enough to know that that's the situation. We're hoping to just build relationship from here with the family. This sucks for us because she won't be our daughter technically but I'm still glad that she got placed with her sister...

Could it be harder for Arlen to settle with her sister if you try and remain involved even if it was the decision of the sister? It sounds like you are unconditionally willing to be with this child but ask yourself what is best for you and your spouse in the long term. If you are going to continue try and adopt, will Arlen affect that process? You are coming off as a very caring person and I don't want to cause you to be more upset but this could put you in a compromising position. Not knowing you or anyone else involved, I think it might be best to face moving on as the best option. What happens if the sister tries to take advantage of your kindness or a dependency loop forms in the event the sister's financial situation is not steady? Are you willing to take responsibility for both of them, if you have to?

The only right thing to do is to be decided by you and your spouse. I know about anger going to dull pain. I imagine you will be quite capable to eventually re-embrace the love you obviously have to give. You're never going to completely get over this, even if Alren remains in the periphery, but that's normal.

 

[Blades64]

but who does Arlen wants to be with? What is the best interest of the child?

She wanted to be with us, and I do believe that being with us would be a better situation because it's both mom and dad in the home, but like I said, Arlen has a good relationship with her sister and she honestly does not mind going with her sister either. She's cool with it, but I know for sure that she still wants us in her life.