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[ElTorro]

most people here seem to be suggesting that you teach the kids all religions if you're going to teach them any at all.

The reluctance probably comes from the logical implication, that if there are many different religions, most or all of them necessarily have to be false, since only one (or none) can be true. But if most of them are necessarily wrong, why is "my" religion the only one who is true? And if you evaluate the possible answers to that question, you realize that they can also be applied to other religions, oftentimes even better than to your own.

Teaching children all religions is a pretty good way to make them irreligious.

This tension also lingers in inter-religious relationships.

 

[AyaisMUsikWhore]

I feel like I have dated everything except Asian and White and it feels the same way. Culturally we were different but I don't think I ever thought to much about the skin color, features and all of that other stuff. To me it was just another attractive person that I was able to vibe with.

 

[-COOLIO-]

then there's also another aspect to the religious upbringing thing. And that's whether or not you feel that you're saving your child from hell by picking a certain religion for them. if you truly believe that, then i guess you dont really have a choice in the matter, but i dont think the op has this problem.

 

[jon bones]

I'm brown and am engaged to a white girl. It's been going great, as both of our families are super welcoming and loving. I was a little worried at first that my folks wouldn't be on board (I've only "dated" brown girls before this, with hispanic, brown & white girls in between as fwbs) but they love my girl.

It makes sense, though, anyone who knows me knows that she's been really good for me and really good to me. Plus she cooks well & got a whooty so I'm like iiite I'm about that married life.

Neither of us are very Hindu/Catholic... we'll raise kids nondemoninationally same as our wedding ceremony. That helps a lot, too, because religion can cause some shit between families.

When I was single... I'm fortunate to be in/around NYC my whole life... not too many white girls here are racist, and there are a lot of hispanic girls who like brown dudes. I think it might be harder to attract an asian girl but I never tried so Iwouldn't know.

 

[War Peaceman]

Not all Indian families are against interracial dating/marriage. Mine isn't for example. It really depends. The majority will have issues with it unfortunately, which is a shame.

Of course and let's not pretend white families are particularly more tolerant of this either. One additional wrinkle I found was that when the partner was in the country but her family was not, they would instinctively oppose it as it would be seen as keeping their daughter away from them. Obviously the lady can do as she pleases, but it is hard to go against the (often implicit) will of the parents. It is frustrating but also completely understandable.

 

[CharlieDigital]

then there's also another aspect to the religious upbringing thing. And that's whether or not you feel that you're saving your child from hell by picking a certain religion for them. if you truly believe that, then i guess you dont really have a choice in the matter, but i dont think the op has this problem.

But that's crazy because it implies that all other children that die that are not adherents of religion "X" go to Hell!

What a crazy idea that is.

What a crazy idea it is that because a child has gone through ritual "Y", that if he or she were to die, she or she would be granted entry to Heaven. Like there is a switch. Well what if there were a car accident to said ritual and the child died? Heaven or Hell?

What about a child that is stillborn? Heaven? Or Hell? Do they count? What if they survived for only an hour outside the womb?

 

[Hato-kun]

I don't understand the religion thing.

Why not teach your kids about the good in all religions and let them make their own, conscious choice? Won't it make it that much of a stronger bond if the child, after being educated in many religions, then chooses Islam or Christianity or Buddhism?

Not giving a child a choice is the same as forced indoctrination.

Circumcision is the same thing: why force your values on your child? Why not leave the body as nature designed it and let the child make the choice when he or she has the free will to do so?

This is a great post.

I'm European / Maori dating a Korean girl. She used to think it was weird that we were together 'cause I wasn't asian, but discussions about race are ridiculously rare.

Her parents didn't approve of me being Maori and told her they'd prefer if she dated a Korean boy. They just don't get it.

Edit: And as per the first page, I'd totally date persons from space.

 

[YoungHav]

I've never personally had a problem w/the families of my two IR relationships. The unnecessary attention in public can get annoying though. Occasionally a random black woman will overstep her boundaries and say or do something rude. Black guys tend to give the pointed dog ears reaction lol, white guys sometimes get intimidated or do a double/triple take at any PDA.

Hahaha strangely enough, my last black GF, her mom told her Haitian dudes weren't shit. When we broke up she told me I'm the last black guy she'll ever date. Kept her word and is happily married to a white guy.

Funny story, my wife helped an old white lady with the groceries one day. They're walking to her apartment and during the walk she goes on and on complaining about the blacks etc... My wife let that fool talk. Finally at the end she says "my husband is black", old lady expressed both shock and embarrassment, then asked "where'd you meet him?". My wife said law school, old lady responded with "well some of them can do something for themselves" lmao.

 

[-COOLIO-]

The reluctance probably comes from the logical implication, that if there are many different religions, most or all of them necessarily have to be false, since only one (or none) can be true. But if most of them are necessarily wrong, why is "my" religion the only one who is true? And if you evaluate the possible answers to that question, you realize that they can also be applied to other religions, oftentimes even better than to your own.

Teaching children all religions is a pretty good way to make them irreligious.

This tension also lingers in inter-religious relationships.

and that's because when you honestly present the all facts, being irreligious is probably the logical answer for most.

but you're right, and so, if you want your child to fear god so that he'll be a nice kid until he develops a good moral compass, then just pick the popular religion of your area so that validity of that particular religion will be reinforced by his surroundings and (s)he'll have more reason to believe it.

 

[MercuryLS]

then there's also another aspect to the religious upbringing thing. And that's whether or not you feel that you're saving your child from hell by picking a certain religion for them. if you truly believe that, then i guess you dont really have a choice in the matter, but i dont think the op has this problem.

I don't, I think all religions are valid and I will teach my kids to know about and respect all of them as well as atheism and agnosticism. I personally feel that exposure to Islam at a young age was beneficial to me on some level and would like to give my kids that same exposure. What they choose to believe it practice is up to them. Islam says there is no compulsion in religion, I agree with that.

 

[Hyperactivity]

my advice? compromise on the names and let the kids decide on the other two.

Nah, I sympathize with OP on names more than anything else

In Islam, giving your child a good Islamic name is one of the major rights a child has over his parent, and Muslims believe parents will be questioned on the day of judgement for it

 

[bakavic]

Wow, alot of people from nyc here. I am chinese, born and raised in nyc, and my fiancee is a white girl from the midwest. Initially, there were some pushback from both our parents, but they got over it quick. Other than that, there has been no issues.

 

[ElTorro]

I'd say there's a difference between "I don't agree with your beliefs" and "I think you're irrational for those beliefs", personally.

What I would say is that "Your religious beliefs are irrational". In itself that is a statement of fact, namely that if these beliefs are evaluated logically and critically, they turn out to be unwarranted. This is something that I cannot escape: I have no other choice than to come to that conclusion about your beliefs, if logic and evidence dictate this conclusion after I studied the beliefs thoroughly. (Of course, you will probably disagree about that, but that is not important to the general point.) That does not imply that the person itself is irrational, since all of us hold irrational beliefs, despite being capable of rational thought.

Most importantly, the person is more than just this one belief. To respect and to tolerate a person is to respect his/her desires as long as they don't conflict with yours. I can perfectly do that and still reject his/her religious beliefs as irrational.

In a relationship, though, one usually tries to find somebody that shares one's core world view since both want to share a life (or at least a substantial time) together. Especially when children are involved. Just respecting a person is not enough for that.

 

[-COOLIO-]

But that's crazy because it implies that all other children that die that are not adherents of religion "X" go to Hell!

What a crazy idea that is.

What a crazy idea it is that because a child has gone through ritual "Y", that if he or she were to die, she or she would be granted entry to Heaven. Like there is a switch. Well what if there were a car accident to said ritual and the child died? Heaven or Hell?

What about a child that is stillborn? Heaven? Or Hell? Do they count? What if they survived for only an hour outside the womb?

pretty sure they get automatic heaven in christianity and islam. probably in other religions too.

really, some dude should just take the hell bullet for us and kill babies all day so that everyone gets guaranteed heaven.

 

[sphagnum]

I'm white and my girlfriend is Filipina but she grew up in the US (although she was born in the Philippines) so she is pretty much just culturally American. Her parents are pretty typical first generation immigrants, so the only time I feel like I'm experiencing anything "different" is when I visit them. I don't talk with them much because their English isn't that good but her dad makes really great food. It's kind of awkward at family gatherings since I have no idea what any of the people over 40 are saying.

It's pretty normal though.

edit: I do find it funny though that her uncle can never remember my name and just rattles off a list of names that sound white when he's trying to talk to me.

 

[block tower]

This is a great post.

I'm European / Maori dating a Korean girl. She used to think it was weird that we were together 'cause I wasn't asian, but discussions about race are ridiculously rare.

Her parents didn't approve of me being Maori and told her they'd prefer if she dated a Korean boy. They just don't get it.

it's nice to see they pride their own selfishness over their daughters happiness.

 

[-COOLIO-]

I don't, I think all religions are valid and I will teach my kids to know about and respect all of them as well as atheism and agnosticism. I personally feel that exposure to Islam at a young age was beneficial to me on some level and would like to give my kids that same exposure. What they choose to believe it practice is up to them. Islam says there is no compulsion in religion, I agree with that.

fair enough. but i guess you could explore with your wife whether or not you could impart those values without religion or with just a vague sense of religion. maybe islam in particular is a good vehicle for teaching certain values, im not sure, i was born christian. but as an example, i could see waking up for fajr as being a good way of teaching discipline. though you could also tell your kids to wake up at 5am to mow the lawn too, and at least then then you get a mowed lawn.

 

[Loxley]

I'm white and my first girlfriend in college was Chinese-American, although there's really not much to tell. We never faced any sort of adversity as a couple and nobody ever once ever expressed disapproval to me or her about us dating. Or at least if they did, I didn't hear of it. I have no preferences when it comes to attraction and race. White, black, asian, hispanic - a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman.

The sad thing about my parents is that while I guarantee you if I dated a black girl, they wouldn't bat an eyelash, once my sister started dating black guys they freaked out in the worst way possible. Especially my dad, who at first said that if my sister married a black man it would be the most "dishonorable" thing she could ever do to our family. To put things in perspective, my sister is any parent's dream child. She was a straight-A student, class president, Homecoming Queen, was in National Honor society, graduated in the top of her class in college, has a total type-A personality where everybody loves her the second they meet her, and she has a fantastic job. All of that was tossed aside when my parents found out a few years ago she was dating a black guy (and had only been dating him for over a month at that point). What made this particularly shocking was that I had never once in my entire life heard my parents say anything remotely racist. But the idea of a black man dating their precious, beautiful blonde daughter flipped some sort of hidden racial fear-mongering switch.

Over time though, I'm happy to say my folks have calmed the fuck down. My sister has dated a couple of guys since then, all of them black, and has been with her current boyfriend for nearly two years. My parents really like him too. Turns out getting to know someone instead of judging them by their skin color helps a lot. Who knew.

 

[-COOLIO-]

Nah, I sympathize with OP on names more than anything else

In Islam, giving your child a good Islamic name is one of the major rights a child has over his parent, and Muslims believe parents will be questioned on the day of judgement for it

"oh so close, you spelt it sean instead of shaan, hell for you."

 

[jon bones]

Her parents are pretty typical first generation immigrants, so the only time I feel like I'm experiencing anything "different" is when I visit them. I don't talk with them much because their English isn't that good but her dad makes really great food. It's kind of awkward at family gatherings since I have no idea what any of the people over 40 are saying.

It's pretty normal though.

i was nervous my girl would feel awkward around my first generation immigrant folks but they get along so well. it makes me happy beyond belief how good i got it, knowing so many other couples struggle with stuff like race and religion.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

People usually don't believe me or don't care enough about that fact that I'm half Mexican, so it's never an issue. Probably helps that I'm white.

I'll get back to this thread when who ever I knock up pops out a brown baby with curly blonde hair.

 

[justjohn]

I'm black living in the UK and I've been with practically every race here. Surprisingly, Indian/Muslim girls do have a thing for me and I've no idea why. Been with a few and have had no problems. My current girl is a white Australian who I met when I lived in Australia.

 

[block tower]

I don't, I think all religions are valid and I will teach my kids to know about and respect all of them as well as atheism and agnosticism. I personally feel that exposure to Islam at a young age was beneficial to me on some level and would like to give my kids that same exposure. What they choose to believe it practice is up to them. Islam says there is no compulsion in religion, I agree with that.

so what happens if they grow up and do not want to be apart of your Muslim traditions and decide to go with another belief system or none at all? your assumption that your kids would simply respect your religion no matter what is a bit naive. i know plenty of people who are and aren't religious that do not want to participate in other religious traditions simply because it's something they don't value. will you really be ok with your children possibly not wanting to have anything to do with islam, you also have to think about that when considering names as well. if a good islam name is your goal but your children grow up to not identify with that name and it's meaning, how do they then cope with such a contextual name? i'm just saying that putting so much stock in creating a religious base for your kids might not be the best way to foster their interest in your religion later in life.

 

[Goliath]

I have dated and hooked up with a huge diverse array of women in my lifetime.

My current situation is that I am married to my lovely wife who is Russian/German Jewish. I joke that if she was part Alien she would have most of the major movie villians in her genetics. I am Puerto Rican and Catholic. We work out well because we are not very religious.

My wife and I also agreed to celebrate both of our holiday's with our future spawn but they would identify themselves as Jewish. I was fine with this because I know how hard her family fought to maintain their belief in an environment that wanted them dead. I barely believe so I was ok with passing her religion on.

The biggest hurdle was my mother in law. For some reasons mothers never like me, lol. This one took some warming up because she was not prepared for my wife to bring home a brown catholic bf. She was worried that because my family were Hispanics that we didn't like Jews (not true) and she worried that I was gonna convert my wife (not true). In the end I made it clear what my feelings were towards our future plans and put her in her place as to how much influence (none) she will have on our household.

The funny thing is for coming from different backgrounds we have so much in common.

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

I'm a black male raised in Northern VA and have dated women of many different backgrounds. I am currently 30, and my g/f is 29 and Chinese. For the most part it has been awesome, but her mother is as racist as they come; fortunately her mother lives in China and I don't ever have to see her (though she may be here in August..)

My mother would prefer I dated within my own race, and makes very offensive jokes that irritate me quite a bit. My father and brother don't care. All of my friends are all for it, and many of them have dated interracial. It doesn't hurt the I live in the DMV area so it's pretty diverse. Spread that genetic diversity OP.

Edit: The only problems I ever actually have during the day is bad looks from women of my own race when they see me dating 'outside.'

 

[Hyperactivity]

"oh so close, you spelt it sean instead of shaan, hell for you."

Just stating islamic view on that

And no, I think if in your intention you mean shaan/sean as in Islamic name, it shouldn't matter too much, as you have to look at the arabuc spelling of both of them, which should be the same

It can probably be attributed to the same way Mohammad has 4 different spellings in English, there's jafri, jaffery, jaferry, etc.

 

[Lebron]

I'm black and dated mostly outside of my race. My last GF was Punjabi and she flat out didn't tell her parents about me because she knew they flip shit and send her back home or disown her. I knew that one wouldn't work out due to just too many cultural hurdles. Sucks, but it is what it is.

Other than that, eh, it's been fine. Current GF is white. No issues there. Family likes me.

 

[cwmartin]

What about when your kids say they don't want to go religion class/school anymore?

 

[Days like these...]

I'm latino and I've dated Colombian, Salvadoran, Mexican, Korean, African American and ended up marrying a Russian speaking Armenian.

Would have loved to date an Eritrean or Indian. Never dated a white girl country music/world views clashed with the few I met.

Oh and my mother in law loves me.

 

[-COOLIO-]

Just stating islamic view on that

And no, I think if in your intention you mean shaan/sean as in Islamic name, it shouldn't matter too much, as you have to look at the arabuc spelling of both of them, which should be the same

It can probably be attributed to the same way Mohammad has 4 different spellings in English, there's jafri, jaffery, jaferry, etc.

i feel ya. i just like poking fun at the really weird, fringe rules of different religions. with stuff like this for example, i like to wonder what the least acceptable Islamic name would be that's okay with god.

 

[MercuryLS]

What about when your kids say they don't want to go religion class/school anymore?

I won't take them anymore. Same thing happened with me, when I got to my teens I didn't want to take part in religious teachings anymore. I felt like I got enough out of it, so I told my parents I wanted to stop and they stopped it.

 

[BocoDragon]

Black/white pairings have been "well worn" in society yet those pairings don't seem to enjoy the same seamlessness.

I'm black. I've dated mostly white women. While I haven't really ever experienced any serious issues from time to time I'd catch heat from black women though. Indian girl I dated I had to distance myself from because she felt indebted to her parents and didn't want to offend them by being with a non Indian.

That's a good point, btw. I guess it's not just the length of time that pairing has been around that makes white/Asian pairing easy in society. Maybe it's more like privilege/privilege couple. When Asians and Whites came in contact they were both wealthy ethnicities in command of status in their cultures. But I'm sure there are a million angles you could look at it from.

 

[Spinluck]

Cell phone cameras HATE us!

Lol, ain't that the truth.

I'm black, I've dated mostly white and hispanic. My first GF was black, pretty sure she still secretly hates me though. I saw her on Facebook the other day, and she was was looking pretty fucking hot.

You can't win em' all.

 

[RustyNails]

OP, according to Sunnah, you can have non Arabic names as long as the meaning is not in conflict with Islamic theology. For example Salman is a persian name and Salman (name meaning safe, calm, security) was one of the best friends of Prophet Muhammad. Also you cannot name your kid Zeus. But Dawn, Sophia and John is fine, as it translates to Yahya in Arabic. But what zapages saying is correct. Once you go down that path, its a slippery slope. Your kid is named John in a sea of Muhammads, Umars, Zaids, Yusufs and Jamals. He WILL feel outcast in school and could gravitate away from the values you are trying to instill. Your lady is right to be concerned about extremism and stuff, but that is why parenting is a big important thing. Do it right and you wont have issues. As for circumcision, its sunnah to do it. But not Fard. Watch out for that slippery slope bro. Think long term on how your decisions will impact your kids lives from the day they are born, to their school days, college days, marriage and community, to the lives of how their kids might get affected. Ask yourself if you are ok with the outcomes.

 

[Kyou]

there are so many white guy/asian girl couples in Vancouver that I think it'd be stranger for me to date a white lady

 

[KrellRell]

My wife is Vietnamese, but she's like a banana. I don't even think about it.

 

[richardhawk]

there are so many white guy/asian girl couples in Vancouver that I think it'd be stranger for me to date a white lady

That isn't limited to Vancouver. White dudes love Asian women. I'll never understand why. Asian broads are extremely overrated.

 

[lethial]

I was with a black girl for 2.5 years outside of Vancouver. We got lots of looks, some comments but I'd usually comment back or confront the person. Would shut them up very quick.

 

[GungHo]

My wife is Vietnamese, but she's like a banana. I don't even think about it.

Yeah, that's not a term of endearment that you really wanna go sharing with everyone.

 

[RustyNails]

Yeah, that's not a term of endearment that you really wanna go sharing with everyone.

lol

 

[dbztrk]

Well, in NYC, 99% of asian girls only date white guys apparently. It's fascinating. Once my GF pointed it out to me, I can't stop noticing it.

I've noticed this since like 2002. I remember when I saw a young Asian couple, it blew my mind.

 

[MercuryLS]

OP, according to Sunnah, you can have non Arabic names as long as the meaning is not in conflict with Islamic theology. For example Salman is a persian name and Salman (name meaning safe, calm, security) was one of the best friends of Prophet Muhammad. Also you cannot name your kid Zeus. But Dawn, Sophia and John is fine, as it translates to Yahya in Arabic. But what zapages saying is correct. Once you go down that path, its a slippery slope. Your kid is named John in a sea of Muhammads, Umars, Zaids, Yusufs and Jamals. He WILL feel outcast in school and could gravitate away from the values you are trying to instill. Your lady is right to be concerned about extremism and stuff, but that is why parenting is a big important thing. Do it right and you wont have issues. As for circumcision, its sunnah to do it. But not Fard. Watch out for that slippery slope bro. Think long term on how your decisions will impact your kids lives from the day they are born, to their school days, college days, marriage and community, to the lives of how their kids might get affected. Ask yourself if you are ok with the outcomes.

I'm aware of all of this, thank you for typing it all out. Ultimately I love this woman deeply, I'm willing to bend on some things to make it marriage/kids happen (and I'm expecting her to bend on some things as well). I'd rather figure this stuff out now before we tie the knot, which is what we're doing currently.

 

[.GqueB.]

I'm an Indian male raised in Canada dating a white girl. She's into my culture and has the same religion (we're both quite moderate when it comes to this, but it helps). We have many of the same values and goals in life. But there are a few differences when it comes to the topic of kids. I want my kids to be circumsized, have muslim names and be raised with strong Islamic values. She's taken the opposite stance on all three. It's not the end of the world, but I expected a few things like this before I got involved with her. We'll figure it out I'm sure.

So interracial dating GAF. I'm curious, how has it been?

Also please don't turn this into a cut vs. uncut thread.

Honestly... kind of is. On a base level there's a disagreement on how you're going to raise your children. The circumcision, I think, may be an easy one to solve as I feel like one of you would be willing to compromise there. But the other two? Those are tough.

Your situation is less about race and more about culture.

 

[Samara]

I'm getting a lot, and I mean a lot of looks from black women. Like 'what are you doing?' One group gasped as we walked past them. Guys, look more suprised than shock.

We were grabbing a bite when some dude hollered at me, and I responded what did you say? He asked where I was from, how he liked my style, and my date just asked him if he was done. He then said sorry, that someone in his family is dating a whitenwoman so he's ok with that.

Otherwise, I'll date whatever is. Hell my ex was biracial and I didnt even know until the third date. And didnt believe him until I sawn is White mother.

 

[timetokill]

I once asked an Indian girl out that I got along with really well with, but she turned me down the next day, saying her parents would kill her for dating me. Feels bad, man.

When I was saying an Asian girl I only got grief from my parents, saying there were "cultural differences" and that it wasn't going to work out, etc. Her parents were awesome about it, though. Then again I've never had a problem with any parents.

 

[jon bones]

. Indian girl I dated I had to distance myself from because she felt indebted to her parents and didn't want to offend them by being with a non Indian.

I once asked an Indian girl out that I got along with really well with, but she turned me down the next day, saying her parents would kill her for dating me. Feels bad, man..

dat indian parent guilt

 

[YoungHav]

For the people that have been rejected due to what their S/O's trying to appease their parents, have any of them gyals admitted later on that they made a mistake?

I've noticed this since like 2002. I remember when I saw a young Asian couple, it blew my mind.

Any time I see an asian american couple, I have to do a double take. White guys are definitely benefitting from decades worth of "America is the best" PR and media.

 

[MercuryLS]

dat indian parent guilt

It's sad ain't it. My parents gave me a bit of grief when I first started dating my current gf, even though my sister married a white guy. They were like "make sure you know what you're getting into and that there's strong compatibility when it comes to values". She's great it so many ways and I was able to convey that accurately to them, so they backed off. Now they're actually quite excited to meet her and hope that this will lead to marriage in the short term.

I'm quite lucky to have great, (mostly) open minded parents. I feel bad for people that don't.

 

[KoreanBarbecue]

Korean American. My wife is half-Caucasian, half Chinese. Perfect match.

But, in college, was a different story when it came to dating. Went to school in Minnesota, not exactly the most heterogeneous of places. Dated a Caucasian girl for two years and her parents did every possible thing to sabotage it. Even sent her emails trying to get her to break up with me, because "they knew how those people were" and "they didn't want yellow babies." Ah, good times.

 

[nOoblet16]

I am North Indian and I've found out that ethnicity is not much of an issue (used to think it was but it isn't), I haven't had a girlfriend but I've hooked up, girls talk about me and currently I am mad about this Russian girl and she likes me back the same way. I guess if you are interesting and decent looking then a different ethnicity won't change that, the people I meet and myself don't even think about the differences at all it's such a non issue now for me.

Religion though will cause issues because it is such a driving factor in many people's life while not so much in other people's so there will be conflict.