Is there ever a romantic way to request oral?
- Thread starter EleventhDoctor
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Alebrije
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This
Honestly I've heard that this happens very commonly. There's even research about it; the couples who are hitting it in the sack after a decade of marriage are the unusual ones, usually due to the woman losing interest in sex.
Not sure what to do about this, op. I'm not in your shoes but have you tried first off being as attractive as possible, by bring fit and very hygienic? Trim downstairs, wash beforehand, get in shape. That would eliminate anything physical on your end discouraging her. Then make sure that she is happy sexually and psychologically. Then be more assertive with her.
I mean it's tough to communicate because if you tell her that she's not doing it for you then she will get upset and resent you, which means no action. If you don't tell her she assumes everything is fine. It's like when you're dating someone and she gets fat. You can't tell her because she's too sensitive but you aren't happy about it either and are just screwed.
Not sure what to do about this, op. I'm not in your shoes but have you tried first off being as attractive as possible, by bring fit and very hygienic? Trim downstairs, wash beforehand, get in shape. That would eliminate anything physical on your end discouraging her. Then make sure that she is happy sexually and psychologically. Then be more assertive with her.
I mean it's tough to communicate because if you tell her that she's not doing it for you then she will get upset and resent you, which means no action. If you don't tell her she assumes everything is fine. It's like when you're dating someone and she gets fat. You can't tell her because she's too sensitive but you aren't happy about it either and are just screwed.
Cow Mengde
Banned
This thread is gold.
Beermeister
Banned
So youve been married for ten years and you dont know how to talk to your wife about getting some head?
What the fuck dude, seriously. I mean, Im sorry and that sucks and everything, but it boggles my mind that if youre gonna commit the rest of your life to someone and they're gonna be your soulmate and signifigant other and whatnot, shouldnt you be able to talk to them about pretty much fucking anything with no hesitation and without having to resort to NeoVirgin for the answer?
What the fuck dude, seriously. I mean, Im sorry and that sucks and everything, but it boggles my mind that if youre gonna commit the rest of your life to someone and they're gonna be your soulmate and signifigant other and whatnot, shouldnt you be able to talk to them about pretty much fucking anything with no hesitation and without having to resort to NeoVirgin for the answer?
EleventhDoctor
Banned
Again, I feel I have to say that this isn't the issue I stated-but whatever-the the thread has taken it's own life. Maybe I stated it wrong-again, bad communication-, my sex life is mostly fine-I was musing over the fact that if your wife isn't in the mood-which believe it or not, does happen after years of marriage-is there any funny way to propose the act romantically? I thought it would be funny-and a lot of people in this thread caught on to that and posted some truly funny shit-but again "DOOD-YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET LAID??? DO YOU EVEN LIFT???"
The person who posted the Louis CK Video hit the situation square on the head. It's a funny thing to laugh at when you've been in that situation, and I was looking for people who've been in the trenches to share a laugh over-hence the funny thread title.
I updated the original post, so hopefully more people don't just recite the same thing over and over again.
Fenderputty
Banned
This is what I'm saying. Why are people getting married to people who won't give them blow-jobs? If your SO used to give you blow-jobs, why can you not talk to your SO about getting blow-jobs again?
TheOohChild
Member
My bad bro. Im just used to the legitimate "Woe is me, how can I get him/her to suck my balls?" type threads that occasionally pop up around here.
Fenderputty
Banned
This makes more sense.
NO ... There's nothing romantic about a blow-job. Not even one by candle light. My wife and I don't have very romantic sex though. We're all about getting our fuck on.
That being said ... sometime when the wife isn't in the mood, a message works wonders. Reduces strees and allows her to relax a little. Then the massage can slowly become more sensual.
Occasionally running into the room and twirling my cock around like a helicoper gets her going too. lol
EleventhDoctor
Banned
No problem-again most of it is my poor Original post wording. I was looking for jokes, then serious inquires came in, so I answered them-things aren't as bad as they seem, but when you're with your buddies in real life, you complain about the shit that does bother you-even if it's small.
LOL!!
Deified Data
Banned
OP, do you reciprocate? I gave my wife oral at least a dozen times before I ever asked her to do it to me. Too many people assume it's this thing where men get off and then roll over and fall asleep, but if you show her it's about more than just getting a quick nut off perhaps she'll be more open to it. That said, some people are just averse to oral - there's not much that can be done for it. If you take care of yourself down there, ask nicely, and she still doesn't go for it, she's probably just disgusted by the thought and pushing the matter will only make things worse.
Fenderputty
Banned
All Joking aside, I don't know why my wife is so asmued by this, but she is.
Indrid Cold1
Member
Serenade her man.
Hey baby won't you take a chance,
Rip off my trousers and my underpants,
If you like what you see,
Then get down on one knee,
Open up your gob,
And I'll drop in my knob.
Hey baby won't you take a chance,
Rip off my trousers and my underpants,
If you like what you see,
Then get down on one knee,
Open up your gob,
And I'll drop in my knob.
canoli2006
Member
9 years is enough, right?
How was your relationship before getting married? "Pretty wild" can mean anything really, since your current sex life seems rather tame. Did she give you oral on a regular basis? I've been married 5 years but have been with my wife for 15, and our sex life hasn't been as wild as before, it's still very good. In fact we've even tried new stuff, all thanks to better communication. Thinking back, our wildest sexcapades were under the influence of alcohol, and man those times were great. We don't drink as much as before and this may be the reason for our sex life becoming a bit more tame. But I still can't complain because it has improved in other ways.
Communicate with her, find out what turns her on, this is easier said than done because she might be embarrassed, but if you open up as well she should hopefully feel more comfortable. If she drinks I would recommend going out for drinks to loosen her inhibitions a bit. It sounds like an uphill battle and just may turn out to be a matter of being sexually incompatible. Only you can really tell, since you know what your sex life was like before. If you really look at your past sex life and sure you'll find cues of what was in store. If she gave you constant blowjobs and then stopped, then I don't know what to say other than perhaps get a P.I.
Interestingly and perhaps related, that Louis CK bit was from Shameless in 2007. According to Wiki he was divorced in 2008.
Although OP if your sex life is "mostly fine" thats a different story all together.
Jedeye Sniv
Banned
As a married man for 13 years, this thread is making me severely WTF. Not necessarily the thread starter, the question he's asking seems "how do I ask for a blowjob nicely?" which when you think about it is actually a tricky question. No, it's the replies that are blowing my mind.
So many people who don't seem to understand the dynamics of a long term relationship between grownups. Not 20-somethings who have only been with a woman for a couple of years, which is what most of you sound like. All the people saying him and his wife are sexually incompatible is amazing. WTF do you people know? That shit is about way way more than whether your lady is still giving spontaneous blowjobs or not. That's barely even a fraction of what makes good sex.
So I've been thinking about this and talking about it with my wife. I asked her what a good way to ask a woman for a blowjob was and she looked at me like I was an idiot, and then said basically just to ask her. Nicely. But we got talking and the stuff that came out was far more interesting to think about.
The problem is that a blowjob is an inherently selfish and one-sided act. Basically the question you're asking is "hey, do you wanna get really horny and then not cum?", because that's what a classic blowie is. And really, outside of special occasions and your lady feeling a bit minxy, is the expectation of a full blowjob from zip down to zip up a realistic and fair expectation? I asked Mrs Sniv if she'd like the opposite with a full lady-only oral session and she wouldn't even want that ("you'd just work me up and I'd want to get fucked"). Really, I barely ask for it myself. Both because I feel a bit guilty but also because I find it a bit one-dimensional. Yeah it feels good but there's a whole bunch of other stuff it just gives me the idea for.
For me, the best oral is reciprocal. Over the past few years we've been getting way more into non-penetrative sex where we just roll around and lick and suck and tug and rub like crazy. It's brilliant, and normally takes longer than just normal sex and is really hot and intimate and cool.
So really, my (our) advice is to forget about sitting in your blowjob chair and leaving your wife high and wet. Do it together, blow your minds.
So many people who don't seem to understand the dynamics of a long term relationship between grownups. Not 20-somethings who have only been with a woman for a couple of years, which is what most of you sound like. All the people saying him and his wife are sexually incompatible is amazing. WTF do you people know? That shit is about way way more than whether your lady is still giving spontaneous blowjobs or not. That's barely even a fraction of what makes good sex.
So I've been thinking about this and talking about it with my wife. I asked her what a good way to ask a woman for a blowjob was and she looked at me like I was an idiot, and then said basically just to ask her. Nicely. But we got talking and the stuff that came out was far more interesting to think about.
The problem is that a blowjob is an inherently selfish and one-sided act. Basically the question you're asking is "hey, do you wanna get really horny and then not cum?", because that's what a classic blowie is. And really, outside of special occasions and your lady feeling a bit minxy, is the expectation of a full blowjob from zip down to zip up a realistic and fair expectation? I asked Mrs Sniv if she'd like the opposite with a full lady-only oral session and she wouldn't even want that ("you'd just work me up and I'd want to get fucked"). Really, I barely ask for it myself. Both because I feel a bit guilty but also because I find it a bit one-dimensional. Yeah it feels good but there's a whole bunch of other stuff it just gives me the idea for.
For me, the best oral is reciprocal. Over the past few years we've been getting way more into non-penetrative sex where we just roll around and lick and suck and tug and rub like crazy. It's brilliant, and normally takes longer than just normal sex and is really hot and intimate and cool.
So really, my (our) advice is to forget about sitting in your blowjob chair and leaving your wife high and wet. Do it together, blow your minds.
Fenderputty
Banned
For my wife and I, oral is foreplay. It's there everytime just like the rubbing and touching and kissing. Oral is never used as a way for one person in our relationship to get off while the other gets left hanging.
69'ing is the best thing ever.
grosvenor_92
Member
Go down on her first and she'll most likely return the favour
aronnov reborn
Banned
I'm in the same situation after a decent amount of time married, but have learned to adjust. I still get it.. but no where near what it once was.
you have to just keep asking. obviously after this long in a relationship it's not on the top of her list anymore on things she enjoys to do.
you have to understand it's not going to be like it was in the past. it wont be as much. but just let her know it's something you'd like and important. also do your job by making sure it's as pleasant as possible down below with hygiene, grooming, etc. so when she does she wont have a negative experience to make her not want to come back again
you have to just keep asking. obviously after this long in a relationship it's not on the top of her list anymore on things she enjoys to do.
you have to understand it's not going to be like it was in the past. it wont be as much. but just let her know it's something you'd like and important. also do your job by making sure it's as pleasant as possible down below with hygiene, grooming, etc. so when she does she wont have a negative experience to make her not want to come back again
NathanMcMahon
Banned
this
no no no... everyone married for a long while does not, and I repeat, does not have.an active sex life. and anyone suggesting op speak to his wife about why she is OFFENDED at him asking, is a moron and doesnt know anything about anything.
sorry youre wrong. :/
Devolution
Member
No it's not. Nice second paragraph too.
Nightstick11
Banned
Cheat.
gravitybear
Member
go down on her first without saying anything or giving any expectations. Do this a couple of times and she won't have a choice and you wont have to say anything.
All Hail C-Webb
Hailing from the Chill-Web
You don't romantically ask for a blow job. A blow Job is only romantic when the girl sets it up for you, and wants to do it of her own volition.
Asking for a blowjob isn't romantic. It's essentially asking for a favor.
Do you do favors for your wife? How does she react when you tell her that you're not in the mood to do what she wants?
She probably sucks on lollipops for enjoyment, but her husbands dick is a no go?
You know what you need to do.
please elaborate before someone insists that requesting dome is selfless
Devolution
Member
He didn't say requesting one, he said getting one. As someone who likes the control over her lover's orgasm, it's not really selfish for him to get one since I like doing it. Plus there's nothing wrong with some selfish act if reciprocation happens.
It's possible to get pleasure from giving the other person pleasure, even if you're not being actively stimulated by your partner while doing it.
Fuck it, you contributed bro.
PJV3
Member
Have you tried gently nestling your testicles on her forehead, and stretching the scrotum so that she looks like a Klingon?
It doesn't result in a blow job, but it looks funny.
ya ya ya, giving/receiving is different than asking/expecting.
Jedeye Sniv
Banned
Does he have to reciprocate fairly immediately, or is it just owed for later on? When I get one it's implied that next time we have sex I'll be doing the work. It's not like I never get it, because I occasionally will get one, asked for or not, but I always see it as just a bit of a pricktease for the girl. All that time working on it and pop, no orgasms for you lady! Or do you have a ladywank right afterwards, in which case I'd rather just have a simultaneous oral/wank sesh.
I totally get the idea of a lady being into the 'art' of giving head, it's the way I view eating pussy too. But after slurping away on it for half an hour, I'm going to need to put my dick in there. And so it is with a blowjob, my wife is not so keen on doing it if she can't jump on after she gets jawache.
All of which jabbering is basically me asking what a woman gets out of a full, no intercourse or lady-touching, sit with a beer and watch the game blowjob? Other than wet pants. Which could totally be an end for itself for some women, but not most I'd wager.
Devolution
Member
Power, control and getting off on the idea of sexually pleasing your partner. Why this has to be completely sexual each time (rather than psychological) and end up in reciprocal sex every time I'm not understanding one bit.
Far as I'm concerned plenty of people I know give oral because it's fun to be in control not because they expect the treatment in return. I thought this much was obvious. It seems to me that a bunch of people just think of sex/oral as a chore, no wonder they're projecting so much.
EleventhDoctor
Banned
Ajemsuhgao
Member
Sit her down, whip it out, and say "Baby, I know we got cable, but I've been thinkin about them DSLs all day."
Then after she divorces you for using such an awful joke, find someone who enjoys giving blowjobs.
Then after she divorces you for using such an awful joke, find someone who enjoys giving blowjobs.
EleventhDoctor
Banned
We have a winner.
ThoughtsOfSpeaking
Banned
Forget all this nonsense.
Slap your dick on her shoulder.
Believe it or not, she knows what to do.
TOP SHOTTA
Member
Holy fucking over-simplification batman. Actually it is that complicated, or at least has the potential to be. Toward the end of my marriage I couldn't communicate what I wanted sexually either. But that relationship was failing in many other ways. Don't assume that because 2 people had been together that long means sex & communication is excellent. In my case things got very bad in that department and never returned.
I'd say if you have an appetite for specific things sexually, never relent on it, never ever go without. Because once you're without - you're really without.
I would also say that I don't believe in marriage. I believe in having kids and I believe in being monogamous. And always have an exit strategy.
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