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WCW Monday Nitro 7/3/2000
TO THE BACK. Cat is on the phone with Eric. He suspended Steiner for the week. Apparently Eric was mad at Cat for breaking his own no interference rule. Mike Awesome comes in and makes a vague threat. A whole line of ambulances are outside.
Tank comes out and runs DJ Ran off. DJ Tank introduces the greatest rock and roll band in the world, 3 Count! They try to talk, but Tank tells them to shut up and sing.
3 Count vs Jung Dragons
Shane gets hurt right away and the trainer comes for him. He was in a sling on Thunder, so that's not a surprise. So Tank replaces Shane Helms in the match. Very hot and large crowd tonight. Dive sequence. Oh fuck, I hope Tank does one. Yang was going to, but Tank stood in front of him and said no. Yang tries to do the crane, but DJ Tank punches him in the face. 3 Count win! Tank makes them dance while he dances in his square on the floor. Fuck it, this is the most entertaining angle right now.
TO THE BACK. Kevin Nash has arrived. Someone tells him a match is up next. The Cat tells the Dragons they showed him a lot and he has a proposition for them. Goldberg has arrived. Mike Awesome powerbombs a random crew member through a table in the back.
A package on The Outsiders is aired. Goldberg breaks into the production truck and tells them to "TURN THAT SHITTT..CRAP OFF!" It wasn't even bleeped. Nash saw this and got up to find Bill.
Goldberg comes to the ring. He means serious business because he turned his hat backwards. He's sick of of the Outsiders. He says they're the biggest pieces of garbage he's seen since he's been in the wrestling business. You know, for 3 years. Surely he met a few worse people than those two in his brief time in the business. Nash comes out to the ramp. Bald headed bitch! Oh shit. Security breaks it up before they can fight. Cat comes out and says to go to commercial. During the break, the entire locker room had to separate them and Mike Awesome powerbombed someone on the floor. Is that Gunner?
TO THE BACK. Gunner was put in an ambulance. Cat is on the phone with Eric. Terry Funk asks JTB if he's ready for his opponent. Then hits him with a chair. Terry Funk is the opponent! SWERVE.
Terry Funk vs Johnny The Bull Hardcore Match.
Why did TNA bring Johnny The Bull in as a masked guy with no reference to the only thing he was known for? Always seemed strange to me. I would think you'd bring him in because he was on WCW and WWE TV as Johnny The Bull, but they didn't. Weird. Funk beats the shit out of JTB while shit talking him. JTB finally makes a come back and they go out in the crowd. Piledriver on the floor. Funk is bleeding from under his eye. Springboard leg drop to the floor on Funk's face, which also had a chair on it. That was crazy. It also led to one of the weirdest injuries in wrestling history: Torn urethra. It goes on for a few more minutes of ultra slow motion action that finally ends in a DDT on a chair from Johnny for the win.
Show run down. A half hour in. Vampiro vs Dale Torborg. That's it?
EARLIER TODAY. Asya and DALE were planning their new entrance when pyro went off and knocked Asya off the stage.
TO THE BACK. DALE is about to go back to the hospital when Palpatine shows up and gives him the Demon outfit. Dale nods. He knows what he must do. Palpatine had a Sting mask on. He took it off to reveal Vampiro! SWERVE! But behind Vamp was another Palpatine! Oh my! The Cat tells Goldberg that Nash left. Goldberg wants Nash tonight or else.
Jindrak/O'Haire vs General Cock/Corporal Cajun
The Thrillers are wearing Hardy style cargo pants. I like these guys, but Jindrak has a shocking lack of presence and charisma. Lash had a small package that would have won, but Hugh was arguing with the ref. Really awkward and dangerous looking electric chair from Mark to Hugh, which was then followed up by a splash that literally went the length of the ring from O'Haire.
Lash hit a Samoan driver and Hugh hit the moonsault for the win. The tag champs attack all four men after the match. The rest of MIA come in and also get hammered. They pose and all the men beat them up. All 6 men lay down so Major Gunns will give them CPR.
TO THE BACK. The Cat tells Nash that Goldberg has left, so there is nothing left for him to do tonight. Nash says to make the match happen or Cat will wish he was never born. The boom mic slipped into the frame during this.
Mike Awesome powerbombs another crew member through a table that had clearly cardboard laptops and monitors on it. The Cat is on the phone with Eric again. Eric doesn't want Nash vs Goldberg for free under any circumstances. Cat has an idea.
Jeff Jarrett is out in the ring for an annoying promo. Where does he get these shirts? Jeff says that Hulk Hogan is the man. Jeff remembers being a young slap nut sitting on his grandfather's knee and his grandfather would tell him stories about being a child and seeing Hulk Hogan wrestle. Hogan might be the man, but Jarrett is a GOD. Punk stealing lines from Jeff Jarrett. He brings out the fat ladies. They have a lot of issues getting into the ring due to their size and gear. "This is like birth." A representative from Standards and Practices comes out to cut the segment while Jeff makes fat jokes. They cut Jeff's mic. He hits the guy with the guitar. This was awful.
Cat walks out as Jeff goes to the back to make his announcement. Goldberg and Nash will be in the ring together...with 18 other men in a battle royal!
TO THE BACK. Shane Douglas and Booker T head to the ring for their match. Another guy is put in the ambulance. Cat and Jeff argue in the back.
Booker T vs Shane Douglas
Kanyon attacked Booker before he could make it in the ring. Shane's reverse Perfect neck whip looked like it could have been really easy to fuck up. Booker won with a really awkward Book End. Shane and Kanyon double team post match. DDP's music hits very abruptly, which makes the crowd think DDP was back, but it was Kanyon's music.
TO THE BACK. The Demon is back! So, two weeks of not wearing the paint meant The Demon was gone forever? Cat is in the New Blood locker room. He tells them to keep Nash and Goldberg apart. Kanyon says he'll just give Nash the Kanyon Cutter. They'll get bonuses if they do a good job.
Vampiro vs The Demon
Random road report audio plays for a few seconds during Vampiro's entrance. This is easily the worst shit going on in WCW right now. Vampiro is a terrible promo, The Demon is dramatically worse. Undertaker's druids in Sting masks surround the ring. Demon wins with the Love Gun for the win. The Stings surround Vampiro in the ring, but the lights go out and Vampiro is gone.
TO THE BACK. Smooth is talking with the Filthy Animals. Cat tells the face locker room to keep Goldberg and Nash apart. And calls Kidman a virgin for no reason. David tries to convince Daffney not to beat up Stacy and that it wasn't him. Stacy comes out and David tries to make sure Daffney doesn't see the GIANT TV right beside her.
Stacy is in the ring in a wedding dress. She dances. Crowbar runs down with a chair. In the back we see Crowbar attempting to shave Stacy's head, which makes David fake stomach pains to send Daffney away so he can go to the ring. David hits the ring. Daffney comes out and dumps pepto all over David. Stacy and Daffney then get into a fight. Stacy pretends to give Crowbar a blowjob so David can hit him with a chair. Madden says something that's muted. Then David and Stacy cut Daffney's hair. They put the clippers and hair in Crowbar's hand. She believes he did it despite being awake and fighting off David and Daffney while they talked to her.
MOMENTS AGO. Crowbar chased Daffney to the back trying to say it wasn't him when he ran into Mike Awesome, who powerbombed him through a table in the SAME spot as earlier with the SAME cardboard computer and laptops.
TO THE BACK. Crowbar refused medical attention, but Awesome beat him up and threw him in the ambulance. Cat was watching this when Smooth comes in with Tygress. She entices him to come to her room.
Disco and Konnan come out to interview Kidman and Lance Storm. Who are portrayed by Juvi and Rey. Konnan makes some gay jokes. The real Kidman and Lance come out. It's a mirror match!
Kidman/Lance Storm vs Rey/Juvi.
Who is who? I can't tell. Kidman hits a sitout dominator on Kidman. Lance tries to press slam Kidman, but it was broken up by a drop kick from Lance. Lance leg drops Lance in the dick. Even Kidman can't powerbomb Kidman. But Lance can powerbomb Lance. Lance pins Kidman with a super bulldog on a chair. Cat missed the outside interference due to fucking Tygress. But she's Rey's girlfriend. Did neither of them of a problem with her fucking Cat just so they could cheat to win a match?
TO THE BACK. Paula Poundstone asks Vampiro about what happened. He challenges Demon to a graveyard match at the Bash. After a break, Paula is with Nash. He's easy to find.
Mike Awesome comes out for a promo. Oh boy. "Hey you with the poster, I am not a mullet! You're the mullet, buddy! ...I am definitely not a mullet!"
He calls out Scott Steiner, knowing that Steiner was at home. He brings a ref out and forces him to count to 10. Rick Steiner hits the ring and knocks Awesome out of the ring.
TO THE BACK. Nash and Goldberg get ready for the battle royal. Cat gives the rest of the roster their orders to keep Nash and Bill apart.
20 Man Battle Royal.
Considering there are only about 5 minutes left in the show, I don't imagine this will be a very interesting battle royal. We have a live shot of the arena with Nash's tron video playing, but audio from people talking in the back for a good minute and a half. So weird. We're again shown Cat talking to the faces. He won't let them go to the ring. I think. They didn't have audio for it. Instead of a battle royal, Cat is sending guys out one or two at a time. Booker shoves Cat aside and the faces come to the ring. There is about a minute left and no Goldberg. Goldberg waits until Nash eliminates the last guy and slides in to kick Nash. The MIA grab Goldberg's foot to prevent them from fighting. Bill steps through the ropes on the apron to kick them off, then Nash kicks Goldberg off the apron and is declared the winner. In a 5 minute battle royal, I think I saw 6 people actually go over the top. Huge roster wide pull apart brawl to end the show.
Well, they're doing a good job of making Nash vs Goldberg seem like a big, serious, personal deal. Much better than what they're doing for the WCW Championship. That build didn't even make much sense knowing what's going to happen. Goldberg is the one that put Hogan out of action. Jeff had nothing to do with it. So Hogan isn't around to do any of the build up, which leaves Jeff to do comedy promos with fat viking women and guitars with t-shirts. `
