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WCW Monday Nitro 5/29/2000
Thunder recap. Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash bullied Russo into giving them a title match against Jeff Jarrett for the title. Kevin won. Terry Funk pretended to be Ralphus and won the Hardcore title back from Shane Douglas.
TO THE BACK. A limo has arrived. It's RIC FLAIR and his wife and Reid. Reid is awfully mouthy with his mom. Security steal Beth and Reid Flair! OH MY!
The new champ, Kevin Nash, comes to the ring. Before he can talk, Scott Steiner comes out. Nash thanks Scotty for the help on Thunder. Nash name drops Scott Hall! Kevin, Scott, and Scott want to get a hold of Russo and Bischoff. Nash brings out Ric Flair. Because you can't kill a legend! Wait a second, Steiner and Ric Flair are on the same team now? Hmm. Ric's medical issue is still unknown. Russo tried to bury Ric Flair, but you can't bury Ric Flair. WHOOO! Kevin Nash relinquishes the title back to Ric Flair. 10th title change since the reboot. This brings out Jeff Jarrett. He says that Nash will have a match against Rick Steiner and Tank Abbot. If Scott interferes, he'll be cleaning toilets. Scott Steiner admits to slapping his YAKS around when they get out of line and tells Russo to come out and kiss his ass! Jeff wants a title match tonight. Ric says he has the night off. Out comes Vince Russo. God, his arms are so small. How does a man have such tiny arms? He clearly doesn't lift. For a New YAWKER, he seems awfully white trashy. David comes out with Beth and Reid Flair, which sends Ric flying down the ramp. Ric, Nash, and Steiner lay out security as Ric is on a war path for David.
TO THE BACK. A gasoline tanker pulls up to the building. It's VAMPIRO! Jeff/Russo/David are dragging Reid and Beth around. Ric is running through hallways looking for them.
Show run down. Or a recap of what we just saw, I guess.
Disco vs Lt. Loco Lumberjack match.
DIRTAY NASTAY THAT'S THE WAY WE LIKKKKKEEE ITTT! Get that shit out of here. Fuck this. Disco has to be taught to talk like a G. He's wearing a Scotty Pippen Blazers jersey. I forgot about Pippen going to the Blazers. He wants a match with MIA someone. Konnan has been back for 3 weeks and hasn't even had a match and he's already injured again. Rey tries to get a blowjob from Major Gunns. For real. She kicks him in the dick, though. Chavo hits the tornado DDT for the win. Out runs Nitro Girl Tygress to check on Rey's dick. CAT FIGHT!!!
TO THE BACK. Paula Poundstone with Vampiro. Kronik beating up WHOREASS interrupted the interview. This was then interrupted by Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo beating up Kronik. Stacy is heading to the ring.
I think Stacy is going to dance! Chris Candido interrupts this before shit gets good.
TO THE BACK. David tells Russo HE'S GOTTA GO FAST! and bolts while Russo argues with Beth and Reid on bean bag chairs or something.
Skip tries to hit Stacy, but David Flair hits the ring and they brawl. Ric Flair hits the ring and beats the shit out of his son until security break it up. Flair then takes out all security as David leaves with Stacy. Remember when David proposed to Daffney two weeks ago?
TO THE BACK. Kim arrives and TMZ take pictures and stuff. She's like Melina.
But hotter, didn't ruin DDP's career, and isn't crazy.
TO THE FRIDAY. Kim was throwing out DDP stuff from the house. Donny Osmond and Karl Malone were in the crowd tonight.
GI Bro vs Mike Awesome.
"Everyone been axin me why Boo...why GI Bro, why Booker T did you go back to GI Bro?" He wants Shawn Stasiak in a Boot Camp Match at the GAB. He shows footage of Mike Awesome putting him on the shelf for a few weeks with a powerbomb. He then calls out Awesome. But how did Booker get his job back? He was fired last week and then just showed up and had a job again. At least the rest of the MIA were explained. Awesome comes out in his ambulance. They're brawling out on the ramp. I think Awesome's first move was a powerbomb. Tried for a top rope lariattooo, but got caught in a drop kick. Then Booker botched a leap frog spot. Mike attempts an Awesomebomb on the ramp, but DDP hits Awesome with a chair. Then they do an awkward double chokeslame/Book End of the stage through a table. Awesome is put in the ambulance. GI Bro wins!
TO THE BACK. Stasiak, Chuck, and Liz are watching the show. Someone is knocking on the door. A note is on the floor. "It's 4:19, gotta minute?" In step Kronik and beat up the NBT. Liz again runs off. She gets free twice a week. Eric's side group are heading to the ring. Hulk arrives in his Charger. IT'S GOLDBERG'S MONSTER TRUCK! Another car pulled up. IT'S GOLDBERG! HE'S HERE! Ric Flair continues to look for his family. David and Stacy walk off.
Eric, Kim, Kidman, WHOREASS, Cat, and Torrie come to the ring. Eric has to tell Cat to chill out on the repeating stuff. Horace is now the special ref for Hulk vs Kidman and the Bash. GOLDBERG IS WALKING TO THE ARENA!
MOMENTS AGO. Hulk cleared the ring of the New Blood.
Kevin Nash vs Tank Abbott/Rick Steiner.
Tank and Steiner attack on the ramp. Rick falls off the ramp and comes back with a pipe wrench. GOLDBERG'S MUSIC HITS. DONNY OSMOND IS MARKING OUT BRO!!!!!! THIS IS NOT A MONSTER TRUCK! IT'S A MAN!! IT'S DA MAN!!!! SPEAR!!!!! JACKHAMMER!!!!! Tank bails and slowly strolls to the back. Goldberg and Nash shake hands and hug! THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF THIS GREAT SPORT! Tonight, the slaughter begins! Man, Goldberg is so much more bad ass looking than Ryback. He challenges Tank to match next week on Nitro in Atlanta. I think Tony came. At least twice.
MOMENTS AGO. Goldberg walked out and left in his Viper. He looks too big for that car.
TO THE BACK. Eric is freaking out.
Terry Funk comes to the ring with a mic. He doesn't care who the challenger is, but he's going to go put his foot up someone's ass in the back.
Terry Funk vs Vampiro WCW Hardcore Championship.
Funk hits a low blow and a piledriver on the ramp. Tony says it is wood, but it looks metal to me. Nail in the coffin on the ramp. Then Vamp decides to beat up the ginger ref, because fuck gingers, I guess. He asks for his pyro and wants to set Funk on fire. Vamp slams Funk through the Gorilla position table, which was manned by Nick Patrick and Ed Ferarra. They head outside. Slam through another table. Oh shit, they're about to fight into the production truck! Why are there so many tables put out all around this arena? Funk gets rammed into the tanker grill. Vamp sprays Vamp with gas, but Sting arrives to make a save. But they leave the hose on for quite a while. What a waste. Sting tried to catch it to shut it off and has some issues. Vamp got a blow torch, but was stopped by security before he could blow shit up.
TO THE BACK. Ric is still looking for his family. Russo is still with the rest of the Flairs. Shane Douglas comes in to talk. Russo then tells him he's got an Asylum match for the US Title with Steiner.
TO DDP'S HOUSE. DDP arrives at his home and finds all his stuff in his yard. And the locks were changed. "Is this some kind of rib?" "This ain't no rib." Kim answers the door and kicks DDP out. Police are in the house and advise DDP to leave. Kim has a restraining order on him.
TO THE BACK. Kim and Mike Awesome are talking. Awesome is asking for tips for his match against DDP. Palumbo comes up and needs to find Liz. He suggests that Kim should call Liz out, and then Kim would get TV time and Liz would have to show up.
Kim, Mike Awesome, and Chuck Palumbo come to the ring. Kim really should be coming out to DDP's music instead of Eric's, saying she won it in the divorce or something. And what the fuck, Liz is dumb enough to come out? Why doesn't she just leave the arena when she escapes? Why does she insist on coming to the shows every week even when she's not being held captive? Of course Awesome and Palumbo grab her. This brings DDP back out. Liz is free again and just stands in the ring while DDP takes Chuck and Awesome out. Shouldn't she run away and go home? Bischoff comes out and claims that DDP just violated his restraining order. Cops are sent out to arrest him. Palumbo assaults the cops so he can hit DDP. Lex comes out in his Dashing face mask to make the save.
Lex and Liz leave together, but just leave DDP laying in the ring. What the fuck? They don't even help Page up? Mike Awesome starts attacking DDP when KARL MALONE HITS A DIAMOND CUTTER OUTTA NOWHERE!
TO THE BACK. Steiner and his YAKS head to the ring. Paula Poundstone tries to stop Ric for an interview. The title match is still on.
Scott Steiner vs Shane Douglas US Championship Asylum Match.
Steiner is just a genetic freak in heat. All you gotta do is separate your hips and put your ass out, and the daddy will make you pass out! Oh shit, I would have love to see what would have happened if Douglas was still running the ropes and the Asylum landed on him. It's so dumb. Let's have a super small cage that cuts off 1/3 of the ring at least and barely has enough room for a suplex without someone hitting the cage. Steiner wins with the recliner in a few minutes.
TO THE BACK. Sting calmly walks towards the ring. Hulk Hogan back in the red and yellow was watching this on a monitor.
Kidman vs Sting.
Hopefully this goes at least a few minutes. Hip toss reversal sequence led to Kidman getting tossed half way down the ramp. And then back in the ring. And then Sting took a running start and hit a diving clothesline into the middle of the ring. Sting always used the old school ramp the best to me. Sting puts on the deathlock. Torrie has the ref distracted. Out comes Vamp with the blowtorch and Kidman wins. Red and Yellow Hogan comes out to make a save. Bischoff hits Hulk with a chair, which just pisses Hogan off. He was going to hit Eric with the chair, but Cat somehow kicked the chair from the side without Hogan seeing it, bouncing it into Hulk's face. Horace comes out and we get another NB beatt down. Vampiro lights a fire in a trash can and burn the red and yellow in it. Vampiro is dragging Sting's face toward the can. Kronik's music hits and everyone stops. They save the day.
TO THE BACK. Flair and Jarrett head to the ring.
Jeff Jarrett vs Ric Flair WCW Championship
David Flair is the referee. Ric is back in wrestling gear for the first time in a month and a half. Russo brings out Reid and Beth. Flair immediately dive bombs Russo. Surprise, Flair is bleeding! Ric's man boobs are particularly weird tonight. Ric hits David with the statue of liberty. It didn't bust like it has for everyone else. Flair flip to the floor. Russo hits Flair with a bat. Jarrett slaps on the figure four. Charles Robinson comes out and counts to two for a figure four pin. Ric tries to reverse the hold. Russo gets on the apron and Flair punches him in the face from his back. Flair almost wins with an inside cradle. FLAIR HITS A TOP ROPE MOVE! But the crowd didn't even pop for it. What the fuck. Fucking Salt Lake. Ref bump. Security tries to take out Flair, but he knocks them all down. This leaves Beth and Reid free. Russo puts Robinson's ref shirt on. Flair puts Russo in the figure four. Jeff hits him with a guitar before he can lock it in. Why haven't the Flair's run away to somewhere safe. They are handcuffed to each other, not to security or the guard rail. Jeff Jarrett is your new champion! 4th time in a month and a half. NWO levels of garbage being thrown in the ring for this. Lol, David got drilled right in the chin with a cup. They're even throwing shit at them on the ramp. No one likes this at all. People were sick of Jarrett and Russo already.
What's great is that fans were already sick of Jarret's overbooked finishes and Vince Russo being involved, but what they didn't know is that they'd continue to do this for ANOTHER SIX YEARS! Joke's on them.
