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[Ralemont]

At this point OP's girlfriend has proved her loyalty.

Yeah, okay.

At best, she was using Tinder or whatever to shop around while dating OP. That alone is cause to leave a relationship.

At worst, there were other guys she liked more than the one OP caught her dating.

OP, you can't afford to think her being on a dating app was "just an ego boost." But then it's not my relationship. Good luck.

 

[kewlmyc]

Update GAF.

Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.

She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.

Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.

She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-

Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."

Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.

Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."

Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.

After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.

Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."

At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.

So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.

At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.

Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.

I love a happy ending. I'm happy for you, OP.

 

[mordecaii83]

Yeah, okay.

At best, she was using Tinder or whatever to shop around while dating OP. That alone is cause to leave a relationship.

At worst, there were other guys she liked more than the one OP caught her dating.

OP, you can't afford to think her being on a dating app was "just an ego boost." But then it's not my relationship. Good luck.

Assuming it went down like the OP said, you and many other people are completely off on your timeline.

She was on the dating app, met lots of people including the OP. After they got together she kept talking to some of the guys because they were friends, and the OP knew about it.

Yeah I agree meeting with the guy and not saying anything about it is a bit odd, but I've known girls who have done stuff like that for completely innocent reasons and only after it was pointed out realized how bad it looked.

There are too many people ready to distrust someone for the smallest thing. I'd rather be hurt trusting someone than drive people away that did nothing wrong because of paranoia.

 

[OmegaTreeFish]

There are too many people ready to distrust someone for the smallest thing. I'd rather be hurt trusting someone than drive people away that did nothing wrong because of paranoia.

So much this.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Not to be “that” guy OP but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the “Im talking to him but I don’t like him at all! I don’t reach out but he keeps hitting me up! So I give him attention because reasons. But I don’t like him!”

You’re being played man.

Oh damn! I just remembered a perfect example of this. "Guys at my girlfriends work keep hitting on her" topic. Where it turned out she had a history of that behaviour and even dated one of those guys that kept hitting on her at work, plus she was taking rides to work with this other guy that was hitting on her. But that was OK because reasons... history always repeats.

 

[statham]

glad this had a happy ending.

 

[BlazinSkatinAxel]

Her being on dating app while in a relationship is enough to leave her. She's looking for a new job while currently at another job.

 

[Bit-Bit]

What a twist. Glad everything worked out for you OP!

 

[Vincent Alexander]

What the fuck? A happy ending? That's a rarity! Really happy for you, OP. And considering how it all went down, I'm really glad you didn't start that conversation with "So, I hear you've been whoring around!!" or something else.

 

[The Futurist]

OP,

Random question, but are you south Asian by any chance?

Maybe Indian or Pakistani?

 

[kittoo]

OP,

Random question, but are you south Asian by any chance?

Maybe Indian or Pakistani?

Yes. Indian. Currently in India too.

 

[K' Dash]

I´m glad everything went OK for you OP.

 

[Ralemont]

Assuming it went down like the OP said, you and many other people are completely off on your timeline.

She was on the dating app, met lots of people including the OP. After they got together she kept talking to some of the guys because they were friends, and the OP knew about it.

Yeah I agree meeting with the guy and not saying anything about it is a bit odd, but I've known girls who have done stuff like that for completely innocent reasons and only after it was pointed out realized how bad it looked.

There are too many people ready to distrust someone for the smallest thing. I'd rather be hurt trusting someone than drive people away that did nothing wrong because of paranoia.

I trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them. Going on dates with Tinder/Bumble guys and then not telling me while we're exclusively dating is a good example of that.

And again, this is just the guy OP knows. A guy she claims to not even really like. But she still went on dates with him. What about the other guys?

 

[Flying Toaster]

Wow... an actual story that was not real cheating. Go buy a lotto ticket OP.

 

[Reckheim]

Yeah, but she wasn't forewarned. So unless she was constantly managing her message history to remove all possible evidence of things like while she was secretely doing those things, she's most likely telling the truth.

Anyone with half a brain would delete their messages if they are cheating.

 

[The Futurist]

Yes. Indian. Currently in India too.

I knew it!

I feel your pain somewhat. Have seen similar things many times.

Good luck. Glad it all seems to have worked out.

 

[Foxy the Fox]

Given the fact that the other guy didn't knew either, he couldn't be a bad guy.

Probably you should be friends with him and hit the gym together and go to the disco on Fridays to get some girls.

 

[mordecaii83]

I trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them. Going on dates with Tinder/Bumble guys and then not telling me while we're exclusively dating is a good example of that.

And again, this is just the guy OP knows. A guy she claims to not even really like. But she still went on dates with him. What about the other guys?

Last I checked, meeting a friend wasn't a date? Just because you met through a dating app doesn't mean you're dating, and she literally showed her entire account to OP. She even says (and the guy didn't deny) that she told him she wanted to marry the OP. I'm really not sure where you're going with all this.

Given the fact that the other guy didn't knew either, he couldn't be a bad guy.

Probably you should be friends with him and hit the gym together and go to the disco on Fridays to get some girls.

The other guy DID know, please read the OP's messages.

Anyone with half a brain would delete their messages if they are cheating.

It's damn near impossible to have a conversation history that isn't suspicious if you're deleting messages. If there are replies that don't make sense, or giant gaps in time, or changes of subject for literally zero reason then it's pretty obvious things have been deleted. I'm pretty sure OP would have picked up on anything like that.

 

[norinrad]

Looks like gaf went too quickly for the end game.

Lesson learned hahaha.

Glad things worked out Op.

 

[Glass Shark]

.

 

[Ronabo]

Was the sort of makeup sex good? Never had that kind before.

 

[Astral Dog]

Jesus i wouldn't trust her one bit after all that 😱

But, glad you banged dude

 

[always crazy bacon]

Looks like gaf went too quickly for the end game.

Lesson learned hahaha.

Glad things worked out Op.

Actually it's the"everything worked out just fine" GAF that have rushed to the end game.

 

[Usobuko]

Usually I'm more wary when someone goes the extra mile to clear things up ( on a false negative ) because they know they are innocent in that example and will seize the chance to hammer the notion in to gain absolute trust for two reasons. One your normal concerns are seen as "being paranoid" and two you felt guilty for doubting her before.

But then, hey, there are all kinds of people out there and this may be normal for some.

The good thing is the app is no longer there and was deleted on her own initiative long before this confrontation.

The bad thing is the very fact remains she was on the dating app about ~1 year after you guys been together and that she did met up with one of her "prospect" partner ( even if she gives him the cold shoulder afterwards, why is she meeting someone she met on a dating app while you're dating ).

 

[thesoapster]

Not to be “that” guy OP but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the “Im talking to him but I don’t like him at all! I don’t reach out but he keeps hitting me up! So I give him attention because reasons. But I don’t like him!”

You’re being played man.

This doesn't explain the other guy trying to change his story? And it sounded like the "attention" was minimal. I mean, I agree leaving the app on the phone and continuing to talk with "friends" through the app is weird, but that's about it.

 

[Rival]

Should edit the title of the OP.

 

[Ralemont]

Last I checked, meeting a friend wasn't a date? Just because you met through a dating app doesn't mean you're dating, and she literally showed her entire account to OP. She even says (and the guy didn't deny) that she told him she wanted to marry the OP. I'm really not sure where you're going with all this.

You don't? Okay, so you think that this one guy she met on a dating app, who she said she didn't even particularly like, is the only one she went on a date with while she and the OP were together?

And it wasn't a friend meet-up. It was a date. Matching on Tinder and then meeting up with a guy one on one that you don't tell people about is a date.

The only thing I agree with is that she and this guy weren't "dating." She went on a date or two with him so he'd stop bugging her and he turned it into something it wasn't. But that something that it was is still a big problem for any trusting relationship.

The good news is she deleted the app on her own so...at least she isn't still actively looking? Maybe?

 

[spindashing]

Wow.

I'm really happy for you, OP.

 

[The Omega Man]

Update GAF.

Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.

 

[BlazinSkatinAxel]

I trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them. Going on dates with Tinder/Bumble guys and then not telling me while we're exclusively dating is a good example of that.

And again, this is just the guy OP knows. A guy she claims to not even really like. But she still went on dates with him. What about the other guys?

Exactly.

She's gone on multiple dates with a person she is friends with that she doesn't like... What about the guy she does like?

She's at worst mentally cheating.

 

[EchoChamber]

Oh damn! I just remembered a perfect example of this. "Guys at my girlfriends work keep hitting on her" topic. Where it turned out she had a history of that behaviour and even dated one of those guys that kept hitting on her at work, plus she was taking rides to work with this other guy that was hitting on her. But that was OK because reasons... history always repeats.

I'm with bacon in this, I can believe how naive some people can be

 

[Glass Shark]

.

 

[Usobuko]

Exactly.

She's gone on multiple dates with a person she is friends with that she doesn't like... What about the guy she does like?

She's at worst mentally cheating.

She doesn't like this guy because you can tell from what the OP provided that he's clingy and desperate.

So yes, this example is poor indication on her "faithfulness".

The guy(s) she does feel attracted to are probably the ones that keep her using the dating app even after she is months into a relationship with OP.

 

[dofry]

Wow, just wow. Excellent! Sixth sense twist! This is amazing. There should be a movie. Or at least a scenario in a tomantic comedy.

 

[Acyl]

Your SO doesn’t need to run every person they plan on talking to in a day by you to make sure it’s okay. But when you sit down to have a conversation and say, “So, what did you do today?” and meeting up with a guy you found on a dating app as “friends” doesn’t come up on the list of conversation topics, something fishy as fuck is going on.

Just had to do that, sorry LOL.

Happy ending is nice OP but her behavior about using the dating app was definitely a red flag nonetheless. Perhaps you only taught her to be more careful

 

[mordecaii83]

You don't? Okay, so you think that this one guy she met on a dating app, who she said she didn't even particularly like, is the only one she went on a date with while she and the OP were together?

And it wasn't a friend meet-up. It was a date. Matching on Tinder and then meeting up with a guy one on one that you don't tell people about is a date.

Good to know that any meet-up I do from now on 1-on-1 with a female is a date. My wife's going to be really pissed that I've apparently been on multiple dates while we've been married.

Oh wait, no she won't because meeting someone isn't a date without a romantic interest involved, and it really needs to be mutual because if only one person has romantic feelings it's still not a date. The worst I'll say is that she probably shouldn't have went anyway if she knew the guy was that crazy about her, but there's nothing really "wrong" about it other than not telling OP (and did we ever get clarification she didn't say she was meeting a friend? She should have given details but not everyone thinks that way)

So let's look at the timeline... Girl meets OP and this guy around the same time. She sees the guy once back then before her and OP were serious (1 1/2 years ago and I'll count this one as a date), and once a couple months ago. She made it clear there was no romantic interest and met him as a friend. I see nothing that indicates dumping the girl, at best I see a need for better communication.

Edit: Last thing I'll say about all this. OP, if she's been open about everything you've questioned her about and understanding of things that have bothered you and willing to change them, then it really just seems like she's naive and didn't really think through her actions. Not everyone has malicious intent. If you feel like you can trust her, then do so.

 

[trixx]

You did, you let her disrespect you repeatedly and didn't end it. You don't have to be the person who cheated to have made the wrong decision in a relationship. You sent a clear signal to her that you would accept her shit. That's what you did wrong.

To be fair though I'm sure most if not everyone is giod and naive and believe that most people have good intentions. It happens to the best of us and that's how we become jaded. Unfortunately this poster had one hell of a lesson to learn

 

[Ralemont]

Good to know that any meet-up I do from now on 1-on-1 with a female is a date. My wife's going to be really pissed that I've apparently been on multiple dates while we've been married.

Did you meet them on a dating app? If so, then please go tell your wife and see what she thinks. We'll be waiting.

 

[pablito]

Glad it worked out for you, OP. Who knows what would have happened if you took some of the advice here and just dropped her.

 

[Llyranor]

It's damn near impossible to have a conversation history that isn't suspicious if you're deleting messages. If there are replies that don't make sense, or giant gaps in time, or changes of subject for literally zero reason then it's pretty obvious things have been deleted. I'm pretty sure OP would have picked up on anything like that.

OP didn't even pick up that using a dating app while in a relationship was a red flag, so I wouldn't assume anything.

Did you meet them on a dating app? If so, then please go tell your wife and see what she thinks. We'll be waiting.

Actually, don't tell your wife. Keep it installed on your phone and make sure she accidently sees it.

 

[mordecaii83]

Did you meet them on a dating app? If so, then please go tell your wife and see what she thinks. We'll be waiting.

If I met them on a dating app before I ever got with my wife and decided to stay friends with someone I never had a romantic relationship with? Yeah, she wouldn't mind.

Also, did OP even say what app it was? Not all apps are like Tinder.

Actually, don't tell your wife. Keep it installed on your phone and make sure she accidently sees it.

Bahahaha... Sorry I don't want to end up making my own GAF thread. Just to be clear I'm open with my wife about everything, so I'm not worried about her finding out about anything I've done. And I've never used a dating app.

 

[Big Baybee]

Shits not adding up to me, but if you are ok with it, cool.

 

[Nester99]

This thread is the Gaf feel good story of the month !

 

[Llyranor]

OP, how long did you maintain communication with your gf on the dating app before switching to phone numbers?

 

[Kill Your Masters]

Actually it's the"everything worked out just fine" GAF that have rushed to the end game.

"This guy is saying you two are dating"

"We are not he is just a friend from a dating app"

*banging happens*

"And they lived happily ever after...the end"

 

[Kevtones]

Keeping a dating app because 'I made friends' on it...


No matter if they're friends, she can stay in contact in so many other ways but she chooses to interact, with men, on a dating app.

A dating app.
A dating app.
A dating app.

So the guys are staying 'friends' with her on a dating app while continuing to use the dating app. I mean they're on for a reason, and I'm not too convinced it's just to make friends with women they've matched with too. Or maybe they're the type of guy to match with an attractive girl, never ask for her number, but be so thirsty they 'stay friends' on a dating app for a year because they value the fleeting human contact.

 

[Ralemont]

If I met them on a dating app before I ever got with my wife and decided to stay friends with someone I never had a romantic relationship with? Yeah, she wouldn't mind.

Also, did OP even say what app it was? Not all apps are like Tinder.

It doesn't matter, because all dating apps are for dating. Bumble BFF isn't for girls and guys to become friends.

"Hey honey, I've been talking with this girl for awhile on Tinder and we met up last week and I didn't tell you, also I've been talking to other girls on Tinder and didn't tell you but we're just friends. You don't care, right?"

Yes I am sure she wouldn't mind.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Update GAF.

Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.

She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.

Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.

She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-

Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."

Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.

Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."

Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.

After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.

Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."

At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.

So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.

At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.

Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.

I FUCKING CALLED IT DUDE!! I FUCKIN CALLED IT!!

I am very suspicious of this as well, or something very similar... I just don't think dudes randomly start conversations with random friends of their gf's on facebook and tell them how they are dating their friend. I don't see why he would start talking to your sister, unless he knew exactly who your sister is...

I bet you anything your gf was living a double life, she probably had a 'casual' (sexual) relationship with this dude on the side while being with you for 1.5 years... The fact that this guy started messaging your sister just a few weeks after you met her parents and stated to bring up marriage is not a coincidence.

It could be that she told him, "We have to stop doing this because my bf (you OP) met my parents this week and things are getting really serious, I think he's serious about marrying me..."

The other dude pretended to be cool about it, probably told her "okay" but got vindictive on her and just like GifGafls said: wanted to fuck up your relationship, basically bringing it all down with him, since your gf now kicked him out.

This could be a very likely scenario OP... I am just not convinced that the other guy randomly messaging your sister out of the blue is as innocent and as random as it seems....

This, of course does NOT get your conniving, cheating, dirty Girlfriend off the hook, but I would say tread carefully and do some investigating before goin all out and breaking up with her.

 

[Ryzaki009]

At the very least OP it would be wise to avoid marrying or having kids with this woman until you've left the honeymoon phase. If absolutely nothing else.

 

[mordecaii83]

It doesn't matter, because all dating apps are for dating. Bumble BFF isn't for girls and guys to become friends.

"Hey honey, I've been talking with this girl for awhile on Tinder and we met up last week and I didn't tell you, also I've been talking to other girls on Tinder and didn't tell you but we're just friends. You don't care, right?"

Yes I am sure she wouldn't mind.

Lol she did tell him! She literally told him it's "to keep in touch with friends I made on here". Yeah I think it's dumb and I wouldn't personally do that, but not everyone is me and I know plenty of people who aren't cheaters that would do that.

I don't think OP ever said if she told him she was meeting a friend a couple months ago when she saw that guy at a mall, but that's the only thing I can think of that can really be considered "wrong". And that's a communication issue more than anything, she should be more upfront about things.

Edit: OP, just wanted to say I really hope things work out for you and I'll be rooting for you! I also wanted to say that obviously there's a non-zero chance that I'm wrong and you should run away. Only you know the full story, can look in her eyes and tell by her actions how she really feels. So don't just take GAF's advice, no one can know the situation better than you. I know people told me that marrying my wife after 1 month was stupid, but it was the best decision I've ever made. But no one else could have known that, and I don't blame them for having reservations. Just do what you think is best and stick to it.