Messofanego
Banned
Seems MrMatt555's sexist and myopic views of women have struck again!
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Just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me
- Thread starter kittoo
- Start date
Hanckybrainy
Neo Member
I'm bisexual. So, if I have a SO, what's the conclusion? I cannot have friends anymore?
Those types of people have jealous controlling issues. You don't own your SO.
TheGreatDirector
Banned
He doesn't even call us women. Just "girls."
Hanckybrainy
Neo Member
There was a time when almost everybody on the planet thought the earth was flat. It was the norm. It did not make it right, though. Also, I think what you say is just based on your personal experience around you. It is the norm within my circle of friends and acquaintances. So, based on my own experience, I could say the opposite. In fact, I think neither of us do not know what is the truth because we don't have any reliable data about that fact.
Nonetheless, whether it's something common or not, my opinion on jealousy is that it is not a feeling that gives you the right to coerce the behavior of your SO. I can understand why someone can feel it, because it is an alarm, like pain. It reminds you that you don't want to loose something special. I have felt it sometimes and I suppose everyone do (and I think It's not exclusive to SO, it can be for friends or family too). But, if you feel jealous, it's your issue, you have to control it, you do not have the right to ask your SO to restrain normal behavior (having the right to have friends no matter the gender of those friends) because you are feeling it.
Also, on a more pragmatic side, thinking that saying to your SO "I forbid you to go out alone with someone of the other gender" is a guaranty that your relationship will last forever, or you SO will never leave you, or you will never be cheated is so....childishly naive...
And again, this mindset is based on a heterosexual frame of reference of sentimental relationships. So, in addition, it's an innacurate way of thinking for a non-negligible part of the humankind.
Murder. She Wrote
Member
What kind of regressive thinking is this? My girlfriend has friends, men and women. She can hang out with whoever she wants since she's an adult. I trust her and its really that simple.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
What the fuck
I'll hang out with my male friends if I want to. So glad my SO isn't a jealous, insecure control freak
Thank you for your sanity.
Ristifer
Member
Holy shit.
FTFY
100% truth. My best friend is a girl she's my family my sister. I'm married. I go down regularly to stay with her and her boyfriend. Me and him text all the time. If my wife had a problem with this while dating she wouldn't be my wife.
Earthbound64
Banned
Earthbound64
Banned
dp
ThisGuy
Member
Its not about being a jealous or a control freak. Its just the norm. It doesn't happen often. Your jump to conclusions is nice though lmfao. You sound like someone who can approach a different view point respectfully.
I am, got more to say, or gonna dick ride?
Stating that its the norm. Is not regressive. Its really not a matter of me, or my SO. Its just the norm for everyone we know. People typically do not go out with the opposite sex.
Souless_PJ
Banned
Although everyone will dogpile on you. TBH when youre married with kids, you barely have enough time to get together with your boys for a catch-up.
Hanckybrainy
Neo Member
FTFY. As I previously answered, you don't know that on the scale of the planet. And, "it's the norm" as "it's the most statistically occurent behavior" is not a good argument for saying it's ok even if it were true (again, previously answered).
Nice. I'll keep that in mind XD.
BlackGoku03
Member
I mean, it depends... you know? Maybe they could be friends before the SO got involved. Not every couple is the same.
Some people can get engaged in a year and a half and live a happy marriage.
Some people can have plutonic relationships with others of the opposite/same sex.
Now, if they are hanging out with someone youve never met and is new, then there may be room for concern and talks should be had.
You're getting dog piled, but you're right. It's a pretty common mentality I see often.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I hope the OP has been in the gym everyday since he made this thread
ThisGuy
Member
Pretty much. I feel like most people offended by this, which is hilarious that they're offended as I never attacked them, are young. Or have very little going on in life.
Thank you. It is common.
Well, get to know more people. That's fine its a deal breaker for you. For a lot people, its common. I also believe you're lying when you say you dont know anyone like this. I've met people from swingers to Muslims where cannot show much of their bodies, to Christians who cannot wear jewelry. Get out more?
Da fuck? I've never experienced this or known anyone personally who thought this way. This is some backwards fuck ass thinking.
Either member or any relationship can hang out with friends of either gender/sex unless strictly agreed upon by all parties that that is not something they want, but personally if it were me that's a deal breaker.
Exact;y.
It's very common where I live to have friends of the opposite sex and yeah going out or hanging out with them alone too, if there is trust in the relationship it's a non issue. I could never be with a girl so jealous she'd make me cut my female friends out of my life.
Ristifer
Member
Or maybe it's just not as "normal" as it's been in your circles? Talking like it's a universal norm is hilarious. As soon as it's outside normal for you, they need to "get out more" or "get to know more people". Please.
ThisGuy
Member
Bitch please, acting like you've never met someone like that is ridiculous.
This post is dumb as fuck after I've stated I know know swingers. Learn to read lol.
It was only somewhat common when I was a teenager or in my early twenties. After people started to settle down it just stops. Which is the norm.
It is absolutely not the norm in any remotely progressive area. So you might want to consider the possibility that you are living in a regressive culture. And no I don't care that you "know swingers". Also I have no idea how you can justify claiming that this is some universal norm when you have a bajillion people in this thread telling you clearly that this is not the norm for them or in their social groups.
Messofanego
Banned
Interesting use of swears in this post.
Muffin1611
Banned
SomedayTheFire
Member
I'd hate to live in thisguys world. Sounds boring as fuck.
No way man he's a super cool dude who has met swingers. He gets out much more than us.
BlazinSkatinAxel
Member
Perma? Perma.
ThisGuy
Member
You wouldn't, I ball out.
GAF isn't normal. If you think so, you're delusional. While progressive, and ideological. Its just not.
I probably do get out more than you though. Evidently you only encounter a small segment of progressives. As for it being the norm. I cannot in good faith say its the norm for the entire planet. But for America, or any country dominated by a secular religion or patriarchal society? Yes.
I think it depends on the situation. Like, I don't know anybody who would be cool with their SO going out for drinks with someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if they're gay) they've never met or spending time at their house/apartment alone. If it's a lifelong friend you personally know and they meet up to watch Survivor together or whatever then you shouldn't have a problem with it.
PingPongvonLaserstein
Member
Who appointed you arbiter of normalcy? I've been married going on a decade. I have several close female friends, and my wife has several male friends. Most of said friends are close to our age, and married, or in long term relationships. So I suppose all of them, and by extension their significant others are the exception as well.
Now, I don't presume my anecdotal evidence is worth any more than yours, but for it to be such an indisputable "norm", I sure do seem to have run into a fair few anomalies.
SomedayTheFire
Member
I'm pretty good here in my social utopia where I can be friends with people of all sexes and orientations.
Poimandres
Member
A bold proposal, but it might work?
Hang on, is it the norm or does it not happen often? It's definitely a view that is common enough, but I don't know if it's "the norm". Personally I think it's a bad sign if you can't trust your partner to hang out with members of the opposite sex alone. But, there are all sorts of common sentiments that I don't agree with so I'm only giving my view on the matter.
God bless the mods for this ban.
Ristifer
Member
Congratulations, you proved my point.
I never "acted" like I haven't met someone like that. All I said was that the norm for you can be a different norm for other people. Only a total imbecile wouldn't understand that.
But, well done on knowing swingers, I guess. I'm sure they throw kick ass parties.
Jesus Christ, I thought people like this had died out.
Roronoa Zoro
Gold Member
I go hang out many weekends in an apartment with 3 women. 2 of which have significant others. Nothing even remotely flirtatious happens. People need to chill out. I mean I dont find any of them attractive so that makes it easy on my end but still its not like Id be snuggling up you just have boundaries if theyre only friends and especially if they have SOs
They're still all over NeoGAF if you go into certain threads.
I mean people experience jealousy and I find it understandable. I can trust my partner perfectly fine but I'd still find it unconfortsbke if she had a work husband who she spent a sizable amount of time with and talks about all the time. It's different if they are childhood friends, but I've definitely seen plenty of people tone back their cross gender friendships when they get into a relationship
Mammoth Jones
Member
Christ I remember that dumb shit. Dude really didn't learn....
BiGBoSSMk23
A company being excited for their new game is a huge slap in the face to all the fans that liked their old games.
To be fair, this depends on both your social behaviour and how the relationship is born.
My gf and I are antisocial bitches except when we're out together. We met one on one. Dated one on one, etc.
In stark contrast, my ex was a social butterfly and I grew accustomed to her hanging out with a bunch of dudes that were roudy and raunchy but decent enough people all in all.
We met while hanging out with the same group, going to concerts, etc...
I never had reason to be uncomfortable, suspicious, worried, jealous or what have you, but I'm a pretty reasonable guy.
I'm of the mentality that if someone cheats on me, fuck 'em. It's their loss, if it's not my fault. Although, if I find myself slipping and actually hurting the relationship, then yeah, there are grounds for worry; BUT, if you're used to your SO having opposite sex friends then you're only worrying because of what you're doing your relationship.
What do you do then? Start sniffing her blouse for dude's cologne or start getting your shit together as a couple?
You have to know yourself and your SO and be able to read your relationship.
If my GF started doing things out of character (suddenly having new guy friends) without any trouble in the relationship I'd worry, but only just worry. Maybe I should do the same? Maybe I should join her? Maybe sit down and talk?
I can tell you my first instinct won't be asking for advice on a message board.
Sometimes you get cheated on without reason and there's no avoiding it.
Your only consolation is that you out yourself out there. You didn't leave anything up to chance. They weren't true enough or brave enough, or had the moral fiber to break it off before hurting you... which like I said before.
Fuck 'em.
More to your point though, there's no winning formula that the majority of couples follow to avoid worrying and suspicion.
It most certainly isn't forbidding your SO from socializing with the opposite sex right off the bat.
(Sorry for the convoluted rant lol)
Earthbound64
Banned
ThisGuy
Member
A mother fucker deserves a medal for all this lol.
In my experience you have. I know couples like you. And I personally lean closer to that. But that is not what I see, or have seen typically in my experience.
I used norm and not often together. I dont think either as bad personally. If that's your circle and how your people are and you're happy. What's the problem?
The swingers I know are great. But, that's because as people they are. And yes, the parties are ass kicking.
Pretty much. I dont know any couple, gay or straight, that goes out for drinks. Hardly ever a one on one thing. I also want to mention that's it not a jealous SO thing. I know woman who refuse to be alone with another man in a...non work related or what ever situation. This isn't abnormal.
In my experience you have. I know couples like you. And I personally lean closer to that. But that is not what I see, or have seen typically in my experience.
Lol, okay? I never said anything against it. Which is what is hilarious about this. Seems like some members cannot stand other people living differently than them.
Nothing wrong with dp
I used norm and not often together. I dont think either as bad personally. If that's your circle and how your people are and you're happy. What's the problem?
The swingers I know are great. But, that's because as people they are. And yes, the parties are ass kicking.
BlackGoku03
Member
Im not defending ThisGuy but I see what hes saying. Its not always true but it is common in a lot of circles.
How often do you or your friends hang out by yourselves for dinner or whatever? Is it often? I dont see it a lot in smaller towns but itd make sense for younger people in a larger town. Either way, it depends on the couple. Which he really needed to add In my experience... blah blah
If my wife had a long time friend she likes to hang out with, I wouldnt care if she hung out with him after work or whatever. But if this person is new, and all of the sudden, they need to hang out often and without me? Im gonna ask questions.
But again, people are different and each couple are different. The same rules dont apply to everyone.
Poimandres
Member
I was saying that something can't be THE norm and not happen often at the same time. It can be common, but to be the norm it would have to be something that happens in the majority of relationships... And I'm not convinced that is the case.
I guess it's about values. I could never date a girl who had iron clad "can not hang out with members of the opposite sex" rules. It just wouldn't work for me. But I'm married so it doesn't really matter to me!