entremet
Member
And according to OP, the sister knew her too, from family gatherings.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me
- Thread starter kittoo
- Start date
This is textbook shit.
Someone that cares about him wouldn't pull the classic move of trying to make him feel guilty for being uncomfortable with something that he has every right to be concerned with.
This is clearly someone that enjoys cheating emotionally if not also physically with other people. It's already over and OP should just move on to someone better.
#1 thing I wish I could have told my younger self.
No. It's weird to use a dating app to forge purely platonic friendships 1.5 years into a relationship.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
Haha it is pretty funny. Any friends you'd make through there under normal circumstances you'd transfer to face boom whatsapp imessage etc.
The only ones you woukdn't do test for are light aquaintances at best.
Either that or you enjoy the random messages from guys trying to flirt with you will your trying to chat with your "friends".
Glass Rebel
Member
As others have said, your sister is the GOAT.
Dump this gaslighting asshole and invite your sister to a nice dinner.
Dump this gaslighting asshole and invite your sister to a nice dinner.
Cmon how many actual real life seconds does it take to delete messages?
……forgetit
Member
It's impossible imo.
BiGBoSSMk23
A company being excited for their new game is a huge slap in the face to all the fans that liked their old games.
Most accurate description for this person, TBH.
You see this type of shit way too often nowadays.
People think they're mastermind mentalists trying to spin reality before your eyes and it's so obvious to everyone but themselves.
Exactly. See above.
OP, I really hope you have the necessary courage to be honest with yourself and do what you must.
You have all the clues. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. You don't need a dating site to make friends, especially in a relationship.
No paranoia here.
Where there's smoke there's fire, etc, etc...
I swear GAF is like a soap opera at times. Just dump her ass now op, regardless of something happening or not she definitely thought about it. She quite plausibly had intent to act on it or did act on it.
This isn't a relationship that can work anymore, once the trust is gone once it's gone forever. You wanna be that guy getting paranoid when she comes home late or doesn't call for the rest of your life?
This isn't a relationship that can work anymore, once the trust is gone once it's gone forever. You wanna be that guy getting paranoid when she comes home late or doesn't call for the rest of your life?
FlaygletheBagel
Banned
Looking forward to the next update OP. It's baffling to me that someone would want to keep a dating app on their phone to stay in touch with "friends," while they're in a committed relationship. That alone makes no sense.
But on top of that she tried shifting the blame on to you for asking about that guy in the first place? And she clearly met with him while you were dating, without telling you?
That whole "breach of trust" thing goes both ways and from where I stand, she's more guilty of breaking it than you.
Either have a serious talk about getting rid of the app and about your expectations when it comes to her meeting up with other guys, or end it. I'd recommend the latter.
Literal days after my wife and I started dating, we had a serious, down-to-earth conversation about expectations when it comes to how we should interact with the other gender, whether it's okay to meet up with someone one-on-one of the opposite sex (we agreed that it isn't)... It's always good to have these conversations FIRST and agree on basic expectations early on, so that nothing like this happens later.
Just my two cents. Best of luck to you with whatever you do, OP.
But on top of that she tried shifting the blame on to you for asking about that guy in the first place? And she clearly met with him while you were dating, without telling you?
That whole "breach of trust" thing goes both ways and from where I stand, she's more guilty of breaking it than you.
Either have a serious talk about getting rid of the app and about your expectations when it comes to her meeting up with other guys, or end it. I'd recommend the latter.
Literal days after my wife and I started dating, we had a serious, down-to-earth conversation about expectations when it comes to how we should interact with the other gender, whether it's okay to meet up with someone one-on-one of the opposite sex (we agreed that it isn't)... It's always good to have these conversations FIRST and agree on basic expectations early on, so that nothing like this happens later.
Just my two cents. Best of luck to you with whatever you do, OP.
This. It's not like she had a sexual fantasy in her head. She went out and met a dude behind your back from a dating app. She kept it a secret and met the guy fully knowing he liked her and wanted a relationship with her. She entertained it.
This is pretty cut and dry. I know its been a year and a half, but oh well. Trust is gone.
Fucking dump her and hit the gym/protein shakes.
MeshuggahMan
Member
Hmm saw this thread soar to 20+ pages so figured I'd take a look. Feel like I'm somewhat caught up now. Something similar happened to my sister a bit ago. She had been dating this guy for a while and was really happy with him. They both seemed that way. One day she found out that he was talking with girls through the same dating app they met on. Obviously, she was furious and he tried to do the "it's no big deal I have no interest in dating anyone else I just like talking to them".
Bad answer. There is no good answer there. I don't know at what point you delete a dating app after you meet someone but I know my current girlfriend and I had a "Sooo... I'm going to delete the dating app. Is that cool?" talk. For SURE there's no reason for it to be there when marriage is on the horizon.
Everyone's different and all but in my sister's case the trust was broken. They tried to work it out but she just could not fully trust him after that point. And that's a relationship killer.
Bad answer. There is no good answer there. I don't know at what point you delete a dating app after you meet someone but I know my current girlfriend and I had a "Sooo... I'm going to delete the dating app. Is that cool?" talk. For SURE there's no reason for it to be there when marriage is on the horizon.
Everyone's different and all but in my sister's case the trust was broken. They tried to work it out but she just could not fully trust him after that point. And that's a relationship killer.
Mr. E. Yis
Banned
You know what OP,
If you don't dump her now, in 6 months you will BE this other guy. A pathetic sad miserable guy, apologizing to 'GF' for not being obedient, when you see some other dude's sister in a pic with your 'GF'.
If you don't dump her now, in 6 months you will BE this other guy. A pathetic sad miserable guy, apologizing to 'GF' for not being obedient, when you see some other dude's sister in a pic with your 'GF'.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Are people so afraid of being alone that they'll tolerate shit like this? Cmon..
Aurean_Mentat
Member
The best thing you can do:
1) Dump her ass hard. Don't be mean, but don't accept any excuses either. Your hopefully former gf didn't come forward, your sister had to think fast and get it out of the other guy. Your hopefully former gf would not have said shit, and hasn't for months (in spite of how everything else is going).
2) Do the other dude a favor and send him a picture of you and her. No other explanation is really necessary at that point, and if he's dim-witted enough to still go forward with it, its on him at that point.
3) Get your sister a nice dinner and talk it out with her. You have an example right there of how not all women suck, or are OK with one playing with a dude like she has you.
4) Get therapy. Talking this out with a professional is almost required at this point, because you wouldn't be human if you didn't have at least a small trust issue based on where the relationship was going, and what your ex-gf didn't tell you.
OP, you deserve better than someone who lies to you and abuses your trust (which is basically what cheating is). If you need someone to go with you, have your sister do it. But do not get back with her. Don't be mean, but accept no explanations. JUST END IT.
1) Dump her ass hard. Don't be mean, but don't accept any excuses either. Your hopefully former gf didn't come forward, your sister had to think fast and get it out of the other guy. Your hopefully former gf would not have said shit, and hasn't for months (in spite of how everything else is going).
2) Do the other dude a favor and send him a picture of you and her. No other explanation is really necessary at that point, and if he's dim-witted enough to still go forward with it, its on him at that point.
3) Get your sister a nice dinner and talk it out with her. You have an example right there of how not all women suck, or are OK with one playing with a dude like she has you.
4) Get therapy. Talking this out with a professional is almost required at this point, because you wouldn't be human if you didn't have at least a small trust issue based on where the relationship was going, and what your ex-gf didn't tell you.
OP, you deserve better than someone who lies to you and abuses your trust (which is basically what cheating is). If you need someone to go with you, have your sister do it. But do not get back with her. Don't be mean, but accept no explanations. JUST END IT.
Reave
Member
Honestly, I can't see any other alternative than to get away from this relationship.
Whether anything sexual or serious happened with them or not, the fact that she was still in contact with a guy with an intent to get with her is a baffling lapse of judgment on her part, and that would make it hard to trust their judgment moving forward. So that, in and of itself, is grounds for a breakup.
But as if that wasn't enough, the guilt-tripping makes matters even worse. Regardless of her reasons, she still gave this guy the time of day. Whether it's texts, calls, or meeting in-person, she opened the door for speculation, insecurities, and doubt by not doing the right thing and cutting off all ties. It's unacceptable, and it makes me think she's using this tactic as a ploy to give her an out -- to either end the relationship herself, or to just make you look like the villain to help settle her own conscience.
No matter how much she cherishes the relationship, she'll never value it higher than her image. She wouldn't want to be known as a liar, deceiver, or cheater. So, if she has to turn the tables on you to make you the bad guy to help her save face, she'll do it. A 1.5-year relationship isn't as important as her own reputation, so I wouldn't be surprised if she keeps pushing more guilt on you to absolve herself of accountability for her flagrant mistakes.
That said, if there's one thing you can't trust the most, it isn't her faithfulness that's at the top of the list. It's the lengths she might go to (at your expense) in order to keep her name clean, even when she is clearly in the wrong in a multitude of ways. It's self-preservation. Be careful, and get prepared to make some big decisions if you haven't already.
Whether anything sexual or serious happened with them or not, the fact that she was still in contact with a guy with an intent to get with her is a baffling lapse of judgment on her part, and that would make it hard to trust their judgment moving forward. So that, in and of itself, is grounds for a breakup.
But as if that wasn't enough, the guilt-tripping makes matters even worse. Regardless of her reasons, she still gave this guy the time of day. Whether it's texts, calls, or meeting in-person, she opened the door for speculation, insecurities, and doubt by not doing the right thing and cutting off all ties. It's unacceptable, and it makes me think she's using this tactic as a ploy to give her an out -- to either end the relationship herself, or to just make you look like the villain to help settle her own conscience.
No matter how much she cherishes the relationship, she'll never value it higher than her image. She wouldn't want to be known as a liar, deceiver, or cheater. So, if she has to turn the tables on you to make you the bad guy to help her save face, she'll do it. A 1.5-year relationship isn't as important as her own reputation, so I wouldn't be surprised if she keeps pushing more guilt on you to absolve herself of accountability for her flagrant mistakes.
That said, if there's one thing you can't trust the most, it isn't her faithfulness that's at the top of the list. It's the lengths she might go to (at your expense) in order to keep her name clean, even when she is clearly in the wrong in a multitude of ways. It's self-preservation. Be careful, and get prepared to make some big decisions if you haven't already.
What did he mean by this?
Member
No update as of yet.
Barajas_201
Member
Wait what. I've only been a lurker but OP hasn't bail out yet? OP it's like you're seeing the bullet and deciding not to dodge it. What's going on here?
No one ever says we can't cook it. It's always just "Eat crow."
ForsakenLotus
Member
It seems like she was on the up and up, but she has got to understand that being absolutely trusting isn't a good or reasonable thing and it seems, if your telling us how it happened objectively, that your were a completely emotionally adjusted and normal human being throughout this. If she is broken up about this, then maybe she just has trust issues.
I know a lot of people that would have assumed the worst and started a huge fight OP.
I know a lot of people that would have assumed the worst and started a huge fight OP.
Euler007
Member
He meant to call her and then spent 10 hours straight playing video games instead?
ZoltanXerxes
Member
Why do you believe you only have 2 choices? Every relationship has conflicts, healthy relationships discuss conflict in a respectful manner. I totally get why she was upset, but in order to get the bottom of it, you need to have her discuss it with you. Clearly you still think things don't add up.
It's gonna be tough, but you need to have the hard discussion. Trust me, there will be much more harder discussions in the future if you decide to marry, and those discussions will have a far greater impact. Please don't be afraid of talking to her as much as you need, but also, please don't make it disrespectful either.
Earthbound64
Banned
ftfy
LostCaress
Member
I'm having the most technical sex talk with a girl at work right now, I don't know what any of this means, I doubt anyone can beat this.
Triggerhappytel
Member
It means he's 98% certain to do the opposite of what almost everyone is saying.
prag16
Banned
I'd say TC is being paranoid... if not for her inexplicably still being in contact with the guy, talking about meeting after October 23rd or whatever. That is ridiculous, and could signify that something is amiss.
Also, am I the only one that thinks it's a little odd to use a dating app to make platonic friends of the opposite sex that you stay in touch with indefinitely? Never heard that one. I guess that's kind of a red flag from the get go.
Also, am I the only one that thinks it's a little odd to use a dating app to make platonic friends of the opposite sex that you stay in touch with indefinitely? Never heard that one. I guess that's kind of a red flag from the get go.
Earthbound64
Banned
I mean, OKCupid / PoF / etc. have a "Just Friends" option in the "What I'm Looking For" section.
Personally, I think everyone who has that as their only thing should just have their accounts automatically deleted. But that's just me. But, people do that.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Where is OP?
Earthbound64
Banned
Having sex with his girlfriend?
At the gym.
Reptars Revenge
Member
Dump that bit.
I just scrolled down to the bottom of this page and that ad just appeared. Wtf
kittoo
Cretinously credulous
Nice to see so many people looking after me/updates 
I am here only guys just that there hasnt been much update since she went to her hometown for Diwali and we havent talked much since. She just said she understood that she was in the wrong to keep the app for so long after us being together. Still says she was only keeping it for friends.
Nevertheless, I put a detailed talk on hold since she is with her extended family at her hometown. Next substantial (and hopefully final) update will take 1 or 2 weeks. Till then, I will be playing The Evil Within 2
Oh and thanks for the suggestion guys but I anyway do hit gym 4 times a week. Did the same today too. Feels good
I am here only guys just that there hasnt been much update since she went to her hometown for Diwali and we havent talked much since. She just said she understood that she was in the wrong to keep the app for so long after us being together. Still says she was only keeping it for friends.
Nevertheless, I put a detailed talk on hold since she is with her extended family at her hometown. Next substantial (and hopefully final) update will take 1 or 2 weeks. Till then, I will be playing The Evil Within 2
Oh and thanks for the suggestion guys but I anyway do hit gym 4 times a week. Did the same today too. Feels good
Mammoth Jones
Member
Nice to see so many people looking after me/updates
I am here only guys just that there hasnt been much update since she went to her hometown for Diwali and we havent talked much since. She just said she understood that she was in the wrong to keep the app for so long after us being together. Still says she was only keeping it for friends.
Nevertheless, I put a detailed talk on hold since she is with her extended family at her hometown. Next substantial (and hopefully final) update will take 1 or 2 weeks. Till then, I will be playing The Evil Within 2
Oh and thanks for the suggestion guys but I anyway do hit gym 4 times a week. Did the same today too. Feels good
You know she's prolly smashing in those 1-2 weeks, right? No matter what you do get tested. Your health comes first.