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LadyGAF Advises ManGAF

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Gila said:
Yeah that makes better sense, thanks

Guess there's other ways to be chivalrous :D
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Variation on the suggestion above: Take a bottle of water and a magazine if you're going early, and when she walks in, stand and greet her, ditch the H2O, and then say "I'm going to get an ****, what can I get for you?" Leave the magazine on the table for her to flip through while you get the coffees.

If she insists on going dutch tell her if things go well she can buy you a slice of banana bread (or a muffin, whatever) when "we" get hungry.
 
Lady Gaf needs to give me some direction! I've been single for 8 months or so, and I'm starting to feel the pangs, the desire to be with a girl for serious. My roommate recently got an amazing girlfriend - and it's stirred all these weird emotions in me. I didn't even realize how poorly I was viewing women until I met this girl, I keep thinking to myself "this girl is so mature, so funny and laid back, and so intelligent, I didn't know girls like this existed" - and slowly I've been realizing how unfair I've been being, and how my ex shouldn't dictate how I look at all women.

Anyway, now that I am starting to feel these pangs... what now? After casually seeing a couple of girls (literally a couple) - I've started to build an idea of what sort of woman I really want... but... how do I go about finding her?


By the by, drunk off my ass.
 
Kinitari said:
Lady Gaf needs to give me some direction! I've been single for 8 months or so, and I'm starting to feel the pangs, the desire to be with a girl for serious. My roommate recently got an amazing girlfriend - and it's stirred all these weird emotions in me. I didn't even realize how poorly I was viewing women until I met this girl, I keep thinking to myself "this girl is so mature, so funny and laid back, and so intelligent, I didn't know girls like this existed" - and slowly I've been realizing how unfair I've been being, and how my ex shouldn't dictate how I look at all women.

Anyway, now that I am starting to feel these pangs... what now? After casually seeing a couple of girls (literally a couple) - I've started to build an idea of what sort of woman I really want... but... how do I go about finding her?


By the by, drunk off my ass.
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Some advice I can give as a guy...


I have more luck with women when I don't pursue. The more I WANT a girlfriend the less likely it is of happening honestly. You just kind of have to let these women come to you. Not literally obviously but you can't go out looking for women you know?

Just go out and be social and if the opportunity comes up and you see a girl that interests you initiate contact. But don't make it too obvious you want her. You have to get her to chase you a little. And ideally if you have fun and play it cool girls will come up to YOU and initiate contact.
 
Kad5 said:
Some advice I can give as a guy...


I have more luck with women when I don't pursue. The more I WANT a girlfriend the less likely it is of happening honestly. You just kind of have to let these women come to you. Not literally obviously but you can't go out looking for women you know?

Just go out and be social and if the opportunity comes up and you see a girl that interests you initiate contact. But don't make it too obvious you want her. You have to get her to chase you a little. And ideally if you have fun and play it cool girls will come up to YOU and initiate contact.
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Believe it or not, not looking for a girl does not work, IMO. You want to show interest. You want the girl to know you want her.

The real problem most people have is desperation, which is very different than pursuing or interest.
 
SRG01 said:
Believe it or not, not looking for a girl does not work, IMO. You want to show interest. You want the girl to know you want her.

The real problem most people have is desperation, which is very different than pursuing or interest.
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I never said don't show interest. Just don't go obsessively pursuing women is my point.
 
I'm still not even really 100% sure what I want... I've learned a lot about what I want, but I'm still not like "I need a girl that is exactly like this" So I don't even know when I'll know if I see a girl that is 'dateable'.
 
So, an update.
I went out for lunch with the guy who is not my boyfriend - as a friendly thing, or so I thought. Just when I thought he could leave for three months and then everything would be fine, he confessed. And somewhere in the middle of this hour long monologue about how he was conflicted about telling me but that he's never liked anyone for real before I realised that I don't like him enough to leave my boyfriend. It also kinda bothered me that he didn't seem to respect that I had a boyfriend as well. Now, the problem is that I'm not great at expressing myself if I have a problem. I feel like I did lead him on, but I really don't want to hurt anyone. I tried to let him down easy, but I think I may have been a bit too easy. (He was pouring his heart out about how seven girls rejected him and in the dark times when he was in the army he'd dream of meeting a nice girl - and now he finally has. I didn't know what to say!) I told him that I was sorry, I can't be his girlfriend now. He's leaving, and I am already seeing someone. He then told me that I had some time to "sort things out" and he'll be waiting until he gets back. I don't think he got it. Anyway, I'm thinking the feelings will fade over summer but is it wrong to let him keep his hopes up that long? I don't have the heart to tell him no outright. I know I dug this hole for myself though...

tl;dr: I am a terrible, terrible person.
 
shanshan310 said:
So, an update.
I went out for lunch with the guy who is not my boyfriend - as a friendly thing, or so I thought. Just when I thought he could leave for three months and then everything would be fine, he confessed. And somewhere in the middle of this hour long monologue about how he was conflicted about telling me but that he's never liked anyone for real before I realised that I don't like him enough to leave my boyfriend. It also kinda bothered me that he didn't seem to respect that I had a boyfriend as well. Now, the problem is that I'm not great at expressing myself if I have a problem. I feel like I did lead him on, but I really don't want to hurt anyone. I tried to let him down easy, but I think I may have been a bit too easy. (He was pouring his heart out about how seven girls rejected him and in the dark times when he was in the army he'd dream of meeting a nice girl - and now he finally has. I didn't know what to say!) I told him that I was sorry, I can't be his girlfriend now. He's leaving, and I am already seeing someone. He then told me that I had some time to "sort things out" and he'll be waiting until he gets back. I don't think he got it. Anyway, I'm thinking the feelings will fade over summer but is it wrong to let him keep his hopes up that long? I don't have the heart to tell him no outright. I know I dug this hole for myself though...

tl;dr: I am a terrible, terrible person.
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The fuck is going on with those people who have to tell you their whole life story when they're declaring themselves? Do people really believe they can pressure/guilt trip you into falling for them?

Also, sounds like you completely lead him on, yes.
 
Ahh Shan, you tried to do it the nice way. You just HAVE to tell this guy that he shouldn't wait and that by not accepting it he's putting you into an impossible situation because you are not going to leave your boyfriend.

Be firm. *bro-fist* You can do it. Whatever you do DON'T let the guilt take over and co-erce you into bad decisions or let you say something you don't mean, to make him feel better about it.
 
I'm going out clubbing/ karaoke-ing tomorrow with him and a bunch of other people, should I try making it more clear to him before then? Is over online chat too rude? The thing is though, this is someone I'm going to be seeing around in Japanese club for the next few years. I'd like to remain friends with him. I hope its still possible...

Also my boyfriend is kind of pissed I went out for lunch with this guy, unsurprisingly. I done fucked up good. =/
 
I wanted to get Girl-Gaf's opinion on the desire of some women in that their men "be the man, and I the lady". They want characteristics of strength, aggression and dominance in their personality. Often these women are themselves strong willed themselves. Is it an attraction towards men who are stronger willed?

What is this? How do you describe it without suggesting that these women want to be submissive or something?
 
Jason Raize '75 - '04 said:
I wanted to get Girl-Gaf's opinion on the desire of some women in that their men "be the man, and I the lady". They want characteristics of strength, aggression and dominance in their personality. Often these women are themselves strong willed themselves. Is it an attraction towards men who are stronger willed?

What is this? How do you describe it without suggesting that these women want to be submissive or something?
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I'm more aggressive and domineering than the bf so I haven't a clue. I think you're over-simplifying a lot though. Why should strong willed women have to be with a submissive guy? If anything a lot of them want someone who will challenge them but isn't an asshole about it.
 
Jason Raize '75 - '04 said:
I wanted to get Girl-Gaf's opinion on the desire of some women in that their men "be the man, and I the lady". They want characteristics of strength, aggression and dominance in their personality. Often these women are themselves strong willed themselves. Is it an attraction towards men who are stronger willed?

What is this? How do you describe it without suggesting that these women want to be submissive or something?
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women want a strong man like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x0GYALxrsQ

edit: Poor guy, I'd be more upset that his lady won't shut up more than anything else. Jesus Christ. Any man or woman that has to put up with their significant other constantly babbling like that should look forward to being single.
 
Devolution said:
I'm more aggressive and domineering than the bf so I haven't a clue. I think you're over-simplifying a lot though. Why should strong willed women have to be with a submissive guy? If anything a lot of them want someone who will challenge them but isn't an asshole about it.
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Right. For a lot of couples, there's a misconception that one person has to be the submissive one. I don't think that's right at all since relationships are all about partnerships and sharing.
 
SRG01 said:
Right. For a lot of couples, there's a misconception that one person has to be the submissive one. I don't think that's right at all since relationships are all about partnerships and sharing.
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Yeah, it's like he has some stuff he's passionate about that I back down on and vice versa.
 
And that is perhaps my biggest peeve from most of my failed relationships. One person is putting in all the effort -- myself -- whereas the girl usually sits back, or is too submissive to be proactive.
 
SRG01 said:
And that is perhaps my biggest peeve from most of my failed relationships. One person is putting in all the effort -- myself -- whereas the girl usually sits back, or is too submissive to be proactive.
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You consider a woman being submissive as not putting effort into a relationship? Maybe, and this isn't a stab at you, just a quick observation, you feel like you don't want to be the dominate one in the relationship and feel burdened by having to do so. Not every guy has to be the aggressive one, Devo said as much in the description of her relationship.

You say you want things to be equal, but I don't think I've ever seen 2 people together who went into a relationship evenly. Even if they tried desperately to hide it, someone always shows leadership, even if it's on the smallest choice or decision. Someone will step up. Maybe you just want it to be them instead of you.
 
Sentry said:
OK I have a question for the ladies, i'd like some answers since i'm unsure. I'm a pretty hairy guy, especially me legs and thighs and parts below the belly button. I have clean shaven genitalia but i'm wondering:

Should I shave my legs/thighs? They're quite hairy and i'm not sure if I should ever shave them. I have a decently hairy chest/stomach but not too bad, and I wouldn't shave that.

Of course you can you shave and wax interchangeably here, but I was just wondering if hairy thighs/legs ever puts a women off in any way.
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No one? I know this thread is generally for relationship advice, but I want a general consensus (from guys and gals) on leg/body shaving/waxing, especially from my hairy gaf bros.

I have the chance to wax tomorrow, but i'm not sure if I should.
 
Maddness said:
You consider a woman being submissive as not putting effort into a relationship?
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No no, you misinterpretted. Those were two different traits. As in, sometimes the girl doesn't put in any effort. Sometimes the girl is submissive. Both are undesirable.
 
Sentry said:
No one? I know this thread is generally for relationship advice, but I want a general consensus (from guys and gals) on leg/body shaving/waxing, especially from my hairy gaf bros.

I have the chance to wax tomorrow, but i'm not sure if I should.
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My bf is hairy below the belly button, I don't really care. The only thing that irks me is back hair =/, I don't even mind ass hair. But something about back hair unnerves me.
 
SRG01 said:
No no, you misinterpretted. Those were two different traits. As in, sometimes the girl doesn't put in any effort. Sometimes the girl is submissive. Both are undesirable.
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Ah, I get it. Cool.

So have you ran into any women or dated any that fit a mold that's not either of those 2 yet? or are you still searching?
 
Sentry said:
No one? I know this thread is generally for relationship advice, but I want a general consensus (from guys and gals) on leg/body shaving/waxing, especially from my hairy gaf bros.

I have the chance to wax tomorrow, but i'm not sure if I should.
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Being hairy is manly! You just have to be confident about it.
 
SRG01 said:
Right. For a lot of couples, there's a misconception that one person has to be the submissive one. I don't think that's right at all since relationships are all about partnerships and sharing.
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I find myself really attracted to strong women. It's not that I'm submissive, but when it comes to being assertive in a relationship, I'm not really the best at it since I'm always trying to not step on someone's toes.
 
Maddness said:
Ah, I get it. Cool.

So have you ran into any women or dated any that fit a mold that's not either of those 2 yet? or are you still searching?
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My recent ex was slightly submissive, but it was alright since she was also affectionate. It's kind of a shame that it didn't work out, but it was the right thing to do considering we had different priorities.

Professor Beef said:
I find myself really attracted to strong women. It's not that I'm submissive, but when it comes to being assertive in a relationship, I'm not really the best at it since I'm always trying to not step on someone's toes.
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I can relate to this. Most of my role models growing up were strong women. Most of my family tree is filled with strong women. Most of my friends are women as well.

I can't see myself truly happy with anyone else but a strong woman.
 
Sentry said:
No one? I know this thread is generally for relationship advice, but I want a general consensus (from guys and gals) on leg/body shaving/waxing, especially from my hairy gaf bros.

I have the chance to wax tomorrow, but i'm not sure if I should.
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Legs don't really matter. Otherwise I'm really not a fan of body hair, especially chest and back. I like my guys to be pretty hair free, though a lot of girls think hair is more manly. lol.
 
Sentry said:
No one? I know this thread is generally for relationship advice, but I want a general consensus (from guys and gals) on leg/body shaving/waxing, especially from my hairy gaf bros.

I have the chance to wax tomorrow, but i'm not sure if I should.
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I love the bf's chest hair. Love it. Legs don't matter. A hairy back, depending on how hairy, isn't sexy, IMO.
 
Professor Beef said:
I'm not a fan of leading people on, but at least you're taking steps to end this before he gets in TOO deep. When you see him again, you have to let him know that nothing can happen. Be firm, even if you're not entirely comfortable doing so.

YES.
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I'll try. I'm just worried that if I tell him in person he'll start trying to convince me again.
 
shanshan310 said:
I'll try. I'm just worried that if I tell him in person he'll start trying to convince me again.
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You need to be firm. From the things you've said, you seem to be the kind of person who folds pretty easily. You need to tell him you aren't interested, and if he can't live with it you must break contact with him. I know it can be hard, especially when you don't want to hurt someone. It will be better in the long run for everyone though.
 
shanshan310 said:
I told him that I was sorry, I can't be his girlfriend now. He's leaving, and I am already seeing someone. He then told me that I had some time to "sort things out" and he'll be waiting until he gets back. I don't think he got it. Anyway, I'm thinking the feelings will fade over summer but is it wrong to let him keep his hopes up that long? I don't have the heart to tell him no outright. I know I dug this hole for myself though...

tl;dr: I am a terrible, terrible person.
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"I can't be his girlfriend now, because he's leaving. Oh, and I have a boyfriend."

You're leading him on. Not only are you giving him an idea that there can be something in the future, if you ordered your responses the way you did in your post, you having a boy friend is secondary to him leaving. That's going to give him the idea it's not as important. If you act passive things are only going to get worse so grow a backbone and tell him there's no chance, in person. Honestly I'm getting the impression you like the attention and want to keep it vague. I mean, you said earlier your relationship is getting a little stale and you're going out clubbing with him after his little speech.
 
Tkawsome said:
"I can't be his girlfriend now, because he's leaving. Oh, and I have a boyfriend."

You're leading him on. Not only are you giving him an idea that there can be something in the future, if you ordered your responses the way you did in your post, you having a boy friend is secondary to him leaving. That's going to give him the idea it's not as important. If you act passive things are only going to get worse so grow a backbone and tell him there's no chance, in person. Honestly I'm getting the impression you like the attention and want to keep it vague. I mean, you said earlier your relationship is getting a little stale and you're going out clubbing with him after his little speech.
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No, that's not it at all. If anything this experience has made me A. incredibly uncomfortable, and B. see that my relationship with my boyfriend is pretty awesome. I admit I have been leading him on, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I honestly did not expect things to go this way, or anything to happen at all. My being vague seemed like the best way to stop it from going any further but at the same time not make him feel like shit (and realise that I am a bitch). I can see now that's not going to work.
Its probably just going to be karaoke. I wouldn't go but its his farewell party and everyone I know is going to expect me there. It would be weird if I cancelled. Hope there is a chance to tell him this evening, but with everyone around it might not be a good idea. Probably won't see him again after that though...
 
shanshan310 said:
No, that's not it at all. If anything this experience has made me A. incredibly uncomfortable, and B. see that my relationship with my boyfriend is pretty awesome. I admit I have been leading him on, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I honestly did not expect things to go this way, or anything to happen at all. My being vague seemed like the best way to stop it from going any further but at the same time not make him feel like shit (and realise that I am a bitch). I can see now that's not going to work.
Its probably just going to be karaoke. I wouldn't go but its his farewell party and everyone I know is going to expect me there. It would be weird if I cancelled. Hope there is a chance to tell him this evening, but with everyone around it might not be a good idea. Probably won't see him again after that though...
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Unfortunately this is a really common mistake. Your intentions were good but handling it like this only makes it worse when you finally have to be explicit. In my experience its best to set things straight as soon as possible. It may hurt him, but it will hurt him the least
 
I miss my ex. We parted on good terms and I said I'll be texting her in a week or two. We wanted to remain good friends, but now I'm not so sure because, well, I'm feeling kinda raw inside.

This pressure to get over her and return to "normal" is killing me.
 
shanshan310 said:
No, that's not it at all. If anything this experience has made me A. incredibly uncomfortable, and B. see that my relationship with my boyfriend is pretty awesome. I admit I have been leading him on, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I honestly did not expect things to go this way, or anything to happen at all. My being vague seemed like the best way to stop it from going any further but at the same time not make him feel like shit (and realise that I am a bitch). I can see now that's not going to work.
Its probably just going to be karaoke. I wouldn't go but its his farewell party and everyone I know is going to expect me there. It would be weird if I cancelled. Hope there is a chance to tell him this evening, but with everyone around it might not be a good idea. Probably won't see him again after that though...
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First off, you're not a bitch for turning someone down. Please stop thinking like that.

Second, his feelings are going to get hurt no matter what happens. It's actually going to get worse over time because his hopes are going to get even higher. He's clearly the friendzone type, and I'm sure you've heard your share of stories here on Gaf.

And lastly, you can let him down easy while still being clear. Tell him you're taken and nothing is going to happen, but afterwards act like a friend and try to be his wingwoman. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. If he doesn't and throws a fit, just bail out.
 
SRG01 said:
I miss my ex. We parted on good terms and I said I'll be texting her in a week or two. We wanted to remain good friends, but now I'm not so sure because, well, I'm feeling kinda raw inside.

This pressure to get over her and return to "normal" is killing me.
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Take your sweet time. If you rush trying to be friends you'll end up enemies. Lick your wounds! Get your head back in a good space. Then you can better judge if you want to - and will - be friends with this girl.
 
BladeWorker said:
Take your sweet time. If you rush trying to be friends you'll end up enemies. Lick your wounds! Get your head back in a good space. Then you can better judge if you want to - and will - be friends with this girl.
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I guess I'm just frustrated at myself because I'm usually not this hung up post-breakup and move on quite quickly. Interestingly enough, I'm usually quite bad with the loss of a potential GF rather than a real one.
 
Devolution said:
Precious. Don't even talk to us about shaving in difficult places k.
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BladeWorker said:
If we ladies can suck it up and pay to get someone to wax an inch from our hoo-haa, you can get your back done.

For less money, too.
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That analogy doesn't work. Maybe if I had been complaining about shaving my pubes, it would follow, but that's a very easy place to reach. You can do it yourself if you really want to. Meanwhile reaching all of the parts of your back that need to be shaven is not just uncomfortable, it's physically impossible.
 
So I've asked this girl out on a whim(she works at a book store I frequent) and she totally said yes! We hung out a couple weeks ago and she said we should definitely do it again. Since then though our schedules have kinda not aligned so we haven't been able to see each other since. We still are trying though on both ends, we're just both busy so it hasn't worked out. We've had a couple good text conversations but we don't talk every day or anything. Basically I'm wondering has the window of opportunity kinda passed? She's cool and I want to get to know her better but I just don't know how long she'll stay interested.
 
Devolution said:
Precious. Don't even talk to us about shaving in difficult places k.
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Nothing is more difficult to shave than a face. And nothing is more difficult to reach than your back. Women know nothing of difficult shaving.
 
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