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LadyGAF Advises ManGAF

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Alucrid said:
So ladygaf, how would you feel if your guy spent more on clothes than you do? I just had a friend tell me it was "Kinda gay."
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I don't attribute amount of money spent on clothes with sexuality. Where it would weird me out is if more than one of the following conditions are met:

1. The guy is spending the extra dough to show off;

2. The guy is buying brand for brand's sake, or fashion for fashion's sake;

3. The guy does not have a job or social calendar that require expensive clothing (e.g. lawyer who has to wear suits every day);

4. The guy is spending beyond his means; or

5. The guy is dropping cash on everything in sight.

Notably, I think these would apply equally to women tbh.
 
Stormtrooper30 said:
Anyone have some quick suggestions for such activities? Apparently dancing is big.
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Go paint some pottery :)

BladeWorker said:
Recreational sports/activities in general are a good way to go: dancing, skating, rollerblading, soccer, rock climbing, wrestling...

Doing things that explore new things: walking/hiking in different parts of town, aiming to find the best coffee/pizza/burritos/sushi in town, do-it-yourself book club, board games, movie buff...

Doing a class together - cooking, pottery, ballroom dancing, improv acting...
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On the dancing thing, I was surprised at how many girls actually didn't like dancing quite recently.
 
BladeWorker said:
I don't attribute amount of money spent on clothes with sexuality. Where it would weird me out is if more than one of the following conditions are met:
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Oh, I didn't intend to mean she meant I was gay, but that the fact that I was spending more than what most normal guys would care to was weird or off-putting or something.


SRG01 said:
Go paint some pottery :)
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And have said pottery forever to attest to your shitty painting skills. DAMN YOU MUG!
 
Alucrid said:
And have said pottery forever to attest to your shitty painting skills. DAMN YOU MUG!
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My mug is coffee colored with streaks, and says "COFFEE" in brown capital letters. :lol

Chef Cat said:
Can ladygaf advise this fellow lady as well? :(
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What's wrong?
 
BladeWorker said:
3. The guy does not have a job or social calendar that require expensive clothing (e.g. lawyer who has to wear suits every day);
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I'm glad someone else noticed this. I'm about to graduate this year, but already working a bunch and I'm beginning to notice how few clothes I wear outside of my suits. To be honest, I kind of like it.
 
brucewaynegretzky said:
I'm glad someone else noticed this. I'm about to graduate this year, but already working a bunch and I'm beginning to notice how few clothes I wear outside of my suits. To be honest, I kind of like it.
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I'm a college instructor, and I basically had to "rediscover" how to dress casually this past summer. :(

And yeah, professional men's clothing is not cheap. And no woman I've met has ever thought lowly of men spending more than them on clothes.
 
SRG01 said:
What's wrong?
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Long story short: Boyfriend got mad because I was depressed (but he didn't know I was, because I didn't tell him) for a long time, and just didn't care about much, confronts me about it, when I tell him I'm depressed he tells me about how he talked to this girl over Ventrilo from Minecraft and how we haven't talked like they had in a while, and how he wanted to talk to her so bad. I get upset and leave, next day I come over to talk, he tells me he loves me and cares about me, we have sex, then after the sex, he tells me that it was a mistake, and that he only did it to see if he felt love for me, I leave, and now he wants me to go back with him again.

I hope that made sense, I didn't really want to dwell on it because thinking about it sucks. I wanted to ask you all what I should do. I know the obvious answer is "No, no, no!" but I'm so worried I won't find someone, and that I'll be one of those cat ladies who never marries... I sound insane. ANYWAY, I just wanted to ask what you guys think I should do... yeah.
 
Chef Cat said:
Long story short: Boyfriend got mad because I was depressed (but he didn't know I was, because I didn't tell him) for a long time, and just didn't care about much, confronts me about it, when I tell him I'm depressed he tells me about how he talked to this girl over Ventrilo from Minecraft and how we haven't talked like they had in a while, and how he wanted to talk to her so bad. I get upset and leave, next day I come over to talk, he tells me he loves me and cares about me, we have sex, then after the sex, he tells me that it was a mistake, and that he only did it to see if he felt love for me, I leave, and now he wants me to go back with him again.

I hope that made sense, I didn't really want to dwell on it because thinking about it sucks. I wanted to ask you all what I should do. I know the obvious answer is "No, no, no!" but I'm so worried I won't find someone, and that I'll be one of those cat ladies who never marries... I sound insane. ANYWAY, I just wanted to ask what you guys think I should do... yeah.
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I'll leave this up to Lady GAF, but I am pretty positive I know what they'll say. God damn.
 
Chef Cat said:
Long story short: Boyfriend got mad because I was depressed (but he didn't know I was, because I didn't tell him) for a long time, and just didn't care about much, confronts me about it, when I tell him I'm depressed he tells me about how he talked to this girl over Ventrilo from Minecraft and how we haven't talked like they had in a while, and how he wanted to talk to her so bad. I get upset and leave, next day I come over to talk, he tells me he loves me and cares about me, we have sex, then after the sex, he tells me that it was a mistake, and that he only did it to see if he felt love for me, I leave, and now he wants me to go back with him again.

I hope that made sense, I didn't really want to dwell on it because thinking about it sucks. I wanted to ask you all what I should do. I know the obvious answer is "No, no, no!" but I'm so worried I won't find someone, and that I'll be one of those cat ladies who never marries... I sound insane. ANYWAY, I just wanted to ask what you guys think I should do... yeah.
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Well, would you be comfortable with someone from Man-GAF giving you advice?
 
Chef Cat said:
Any advice is good advice. I'm 17, if that helps any. :P
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Then my first question would be: Why didn't you tell him you were depressed? Because you didn't want to worry him, or because of some underlying communication issue?
 
Chef Cat said:
Any advice is good advice. I'm 17, if that helps any. :P
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1. Talk about problems with your partner. If you don't feel they are someone you can talk to, than you probably shouldn't be dating them.

2. Only being 17, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding someone else to date before you become an old spinster.

Just curious...how old is he?
 
SRG01 said:
Then my first question would be: Why didn't you tell him you were depressed? Because you didn't want to worry him, or because of some underlying communication issue?
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I was afraid of being put on pills and I didn't want to worry him.

notworksafe said:
1. Talk about problems with your partner. If you don't feel they are someone you can talk to, than you probably shouldn't be dating them.

2. Only being 17, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding someone else to date before you become an old spinster.

Just curious...how old is he?
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We aren't exactly partners right now... and he's 19.
 
Chef Cat said:
I was afraid of being put on pills and I didn't want to worry him.
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Okay, fair enough.

What you should focus on is that he contacted another woman on Minecraft before even talking to you about his needs. The fact that he went for another woman before you shows that his heart really isn't in it anymore. edit: Young hearts are fickle too.

I'm not going to put things into definite terms, because I can't guarantee anything... Don't worry about finding another guy. Love yourself and work on your depression first. Dating always works better when you're happy with yourself :)
 
Chef Cat said:
Long story short: Boyfriend got mad because I was depressed (but he didn't know I was, because I didn't tell him) for a long time, and just didn't care about much, confronts me about it, when I tell him I'm depressed he tells me about how he talked to this girl over Ventrilo from Minecraft and how we haven't talked like they had in a while, and how he wanted to talk to her so bad. I get upset and leave, next day I come over to talk, he tells me he loves me and cares about me, we have sex, then after the sex, he tells me that it was a mistake, and that he only did it to see if he felt love for me, I leave, and now he wants me to go back with him again.

I hope that made sense, I didn't really want to dwell on it because thinking about it sucks. I wanted to ask you all what I should do. I know the obvious answer is "No, no, no!" but I'm so worried I won't find someone, and that I'll be one of those cat ladies who never marries... I sound insane. ANYWAY, I just wanted to ask what you guys think I should do... yeah.
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I'm a boy. IMO he's using you as a safety net. He's "in love" with this new girl or the idea of her anyway, but he's also afraid of not getting her and losing you at the same time. Right now he wants you back because either he's still trying something with her but not confident of the outcome, or more likely he already got his advances denied.

I say this because what you said about him is almost like a description of myself at a certain point of my life.

Everyone's afraid of not finding another partner after leaving one. It's normal. But you will. And you're so young!

Also, if you think you should stick with him at least until things get better for you, well just do it, or try to. Just don't plan a bright future with this guy. Again, just my opinion.
 
Chef Cat said:
I hope that made sense, I didn't really want to dwell on it because thinking about it sucks. I wanted to ask you all what I should do. I know the obvious answer is "No, no, no!" but I'm so worried I won't find someone, and that I'll be one of those cat ladies who never marries... I sound insane. ANYWAY, I just wanted to ask what you guys think I should do... yeah.
Click to expand...

When I was about your age (I was 18) my first boyfriend broke up with me. We had been together for three years. By the end, I knew we were not compatible and probably never had been, but I stayed with him a year longer than I should have. One reason was that I felt I would never find someone else for the rest of my life, so I convinced myself that there was nothing wrong with our relationship. Then one day, without telling me anything, he decides to move out (we had been living together for a year.) He packed up his things while I was at school and put them on a truck, and when I got home he said he had found another girl in another state, and was moving to be with her. I was crushed. But then, after spending a week examining myself, I realized that I wasn't afraid of losing him as much as I was afraid of being alone. It wasn't about him as much as it was about me. It was then I decided to live my life for me foremost, and not worry about being alone. I had many opportunities, but I rarely dated. When you're that young, you haven't really found yourself yet and so when you're in a relationship it can become too much a part of yourself. I felt i needed to find myself first.

Now I'm in a relationship with an amazing guy. It wasn't the relationship I was looking for, but the one that found me. I don't know if this will help you, and I'm sorry if it doesn't. Don't worry about being alone. Your first concern should be yourself and living your life the way you want to. After that things tend to fall into place.
 
Chef Cat said:
I hope that made sense, I didn't really want to dwell on it because thinking about it sucks. I wanted to ask you all what I should do. I know the obvious answer is "No, no, no!" but I'm so worried I won't find someone, and that I'll be one of those cat ladies who never marries... I sound insane. ANYWAY, I just wanted to ask what you guys think I should do... yeah.
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There are plenty of GAFers available.
 
Lissar said:
Now I'm in a relationship with an amazing guy. It wasn't the relationship I was looking for, but the one that found me. I don't know if this will help you, and I'm sorry if it doesn't. Don't worry about being alone. Your first concern should be yourself and living your life the way you want to. After that things tend to fall into place.
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It helps. A lot. You sound like me. Well, kinda. Thank you for sharing. :)

cooljeanius said:
There are plenty of GAFers available.
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;3 <3


lol

Kinitari said:
Don't hook up with a GAFer. Do not. Ignore this man.
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Oh, nevermind then.



Thank you to everyone. It helps. I think being single will help me... find me.
 
Chef Cat said:
I was afraid of being put on pills and I didn't want to worry him.
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I'm sorry if this is a little personal, but what about being put on pills frightens you? I only ask because I was severely clinically depressed for over 10 years because I was afraid of being put on pills, and if I could go back to being 17 and change that I would in a heartbeat.
 
jim-jam bongs said:
I'm sorry if this is a little personal, but what about being put on pills frightens you? I only ask because I was severely clinically depressed for over 10 years because I was afraid of being put on pills, and if I could go back to being 17 and change that I would in a heartbeat.
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I don't want to be... changed. Personality-wise. I just hear all these stories about people being put on pills and then changing and becoming... I dunno, weird, different.
 
Chef Cat said:
I don't want to be... changed. Personality-wise. I just hear all these stories about people being put on pills and then changing and becoming... I dunno, weird, different.
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I'm not gonna lie: the pills do change you in many ways, some good and some bad. The most important part about the medication is that it's only supposed to be an aid to get better. Most of the legwork has to be done by the patient...
 
Chef Cat said:
I don't want to be... changed. Personality-wise. I just hear all these stories about people being put on pills and then changing and becoming... I dunno, weird, different.
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Well I guess anything can happen :)

I've been on some fairly strong antidepressants for over a year now and I'm still me, I just don't get so down I can't get out of bed and feel like bursting into tears constantly. They don't really do anything except stop me from sinking extremely low, everything else is up to me. It's hard to work on the things which make you depressed when you're depressed, so they take the heat off a little basically.

It's your decision of course, and I don't want to be pushy. Just thought you might like a second opinion!

SRG01 said:
I'm not gonna lie: the pills do change you in many ways, some good and some bad. The most important part about the medication is that it's only supposed to be an aid to get better. Most of the legwork has to be done by the patient...
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A much more succinct way of saying the same thing :D
 
Lissar said:
I'm dating a GAFer*.




*we did not meet on GAF.
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A bit off topic but did you sign up for gaf after meeting or before meeting? cause I'm pretty sure if I started dating someone then found out they were a gaffer my brain would explode.
 
shanshan310 said:
uh oh :s I wouldn't go after your old workmate.. If you're into this other girl I'd ask her to come clean on what's going on. Workmate might not have been honest in talking about you.

I had a "friend" in high school who completely turned on me after I started dating my bf. There were a couple of people I tried to be friends with, but they'd soon start avoiding me. I was really confused until one girl said "X told me not to talk to you anymore". ugh! Girl politics. After that I only hung out with guys basically until graduation.
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That happens with guys too, you know. Tell weird stories about a person, they start avoiding you, that really isn't exclusive to girls.

Also, I dunno, maybe his work mate thought that he was only interested in getting laid and not serious about the dating business? Maybe he should talk with his work mate and ask what's up with her.
 
Hey Chef Cat, how you--
Kinitari said:
Don't hook up with a GAFer. Do not. Ignore this man.
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Dammit!
Pinko Marx said:
any ladies up in here wanna dance with me?
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ggMfY.gif
 
fredrancour said:
A bit off topic but did you sign up for gaf after meeting or before meeting? cause I'm pretty sure if I started dating someone then found out they were a gaffer my brain would explode.
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I signed up before we met, but I didn't get approved for a year so I wasn't even able to post here until long after we met. It was a constant complaint of mine and we would joke about it.
 
Lissar said:
I signed up before we met, but I didn't get approved for a year so I wasn't even able to post here until long after we met. It was a constant complaint of mine and we would joke about it.
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i see, thank you. Just curious.
 
cooljeanius said:
Can someone help me dig up the conversation about the word "aww"? Some girl was telling me that it means a girl is flirting when they use it...
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It was in GirlGAF thread! http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=445234
Starts at post #433

This is what I wrote:
Yes. It is the sound of condescension and pity in a "you're so cute, you try so hard" kind of way! At least, that's my interpretation.

Excited "AaAW~!" = you're amazing! -- neutral to interested.
Sympathetic "aaaww....~" = you poor cute thing... haaaaahaaaa.. I am not interested in you.

Well, if that's how I were writing characters in a comic, that is how I would portray it!

I am probably confusing you though~! I don't actually know anything! Hahaaha~!
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I think most people were in agreement with my insight.
Pity from a girl is usually a BAD BAD BAD thing.
Excited happy/squealy noises CAN be a neutral to good thing.

Chef Cat said:
Long story short: Boyfriend got mad because I was depressed (but he didn't know I was, because I didn't tell him) for a long time, and just didn't care about much, confronts me about it, when I tell him I'm depressed he tells me about how he talked to this girl over Ventrilo from Minecraft and how we haven't talked like they had in a while, and how he wanted to talk to her so bad. I get upset and leave, next day I come over to talk, he tells me he loves me and cares about me, we have sex, then after the sex, he tells me that it was a mistake, and that he only did it to see if he felt love for me, I leave, and now he wants me to go back with him again.

I hope that made sense, I didn't really want to dwell on it because thinking about it sucks. I wanted to ask you all what I should do. I know the obvious answer is "No, no, no!" but I'm so worried I won't find someone, and that I'll be one of those cat ladies who never marries... I sound insane. ANYWAY, I just wanted to ask what you guys think I should do... yeah.
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I would dump him and edit him out of my life so fast, it's not funny.
Plus, you are young and you have plenty of time to not turn into cat-lady. Not that being a cat-lady is even that bad! Hah!

Being depressed makes it hard to see outside of the tunnel of negativity, but try to tell yourself that objectively, there's no reason to hold onto such a loser. Please. Dumping you over a girl he met on Minecraft? NO BIG LOSS FOR YOU. YOU DODGED A BULLET, LADY. CONGRATULATIONS!

You can try just going to therapy before going on the pill. Cognitive-behavioral therapy seems to work well for people with mild to middling depression. Severe depression, especially caused by chemical imbalance could require drugs, but alk to your GP first about your options. Don't be afraid to reach out for help!
 
LadyGAF, I've been single for like 5-6 years...feelsbadman.jpg :( I tried this online dating lark about 3-4 years ago and met up with a couple of girls but after they met me they weren't really interested. Now I don't go out or try to meet people, 6 years is a looooong time to be alone, isn't it? I just wish I knew what the problem was. I don't smell or have cooties, I'm an intelligent guy, although quite shy and awkward socially (being alone does that to you, I guess).

Should I just resign myself to being a member of forever alone GAF?
 
1. Girls are silly.

2. Chef Cat, drop the douche like a rock.

3. Pumpkin Pie just keep putting yourself out there. You'll find somebody eventually. If the shyness/awkwardness bothers you, try to get out of that. If it doesn't you're still be fine just keep tryin'.

4. My advice always sucks so don't listen to it. Unless you want to.
 
SteveWinwood said:
1. Girls are silly.

2. Chef Cat, drop the douche like a rock.

3. Pumpkin Pie just keep putting yourself out there. You'll find somebody eventually. If the shyness/awkwardness bothers you, try to get out of that. If it doesn't you're still be fine just keep tryin'.

4. My advice always sucks so don't listen to it. Unless you want to.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxqKj8bus-Q
 
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