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[esquire]

hm...

Well, I like writing letters more, because I find it feels very personal. Which is partly why I think this is weird. I think the fact that A. you don't really consider her a friend anymore, combined with B. your wife being uncomfortable with it is reason enough to stop contacting her, or at least stop with the letters. Do you write back? If your friendship with this girl is really important to you there are other ways you can keep in contact. But writing cutesy love letters when the both of you are married? I can see why your wife would be upset. Why risk the quality of your relationship over some girl you haven't seen since high school? Whatever you do though, don't let her contact your wife. Things might get nasty.

I do write back. I used to get really embarrassed when we first started writing each other because, as I said, her letters look like love letters and everyone teased me that I had a secret girlfriend across the country. The only reason why I don't really consider her a friend now is because part of me is convinced I'm never going to see her ever again so letter writing seems like prolonging the inevitable time when we drift apart. We used to talk about visiting each other when I first left, but over time we never really made any effort to see each other, including our weddings. That's another thing, we both got married recently but she got married first and I was surprised that she didn't invite me to her wedding. It's not that I really cared but for all her talk of how much I mean to her, it seemed odd that she wouldn't. It just gave me the impression that either we're not that good of friends (bad) or her husband doesn't know that I'm still in contact with her (also bad).

EDIT: Her intentions may not be anything in the realm of physical cheating, but I think in signing off with the "love always" she might be trying to assert a claim over you, as if she wants to prove that you must love her more than your wife (Especially if she's known you for longer). If she hasn't seen you since then she probably thinks of you as being the same. She's stuck in the past, and is trying to get another chance at winning your love that she missed out on in high school. Then again, I might be completely off. But having seen similar things happen this was the case (I guess that makes me a bit biased as well...). My apologies if I'm wrong.

You just blew my mind right here. Do girls really do this? Claiming "ownership" of a guy even if they weren't actually dating? Because I feel like I've had it happen a couple times in the past in various scenarios and I can see how it applies here. My wife's biggest criticism with me is that I'm too nice and totally oblivious to women and their games. I'm not hiding anything from my wife and she can read the letters if she wants to but she chooses not to because she wants me to decide on my own rather than being forced into a decision on her behalf.

Looking at the pro's and con's though, it seems like I'm only keeping in contact with this girl because I want to be nice to her and not because I actually want to or view it as something in my best interest.

Thank you by the way, it was really insightful to get another perspective.

 

[BladeWorker]

Yeah... I don't really get how this is attractive.
This was me a couple of months back, btw. My overall disposition is slightly more positive now.

I don't really see the appeal of brooding either. But you asked what it looked like...

Anyway, if you're a little sunnier now, good on ya. Using a smile (and smile with your eyes too, goodness knows genuineness is lacking in pickup lines these days) and keeping your palm away from your forehead is generally considered more positive body language.

 

[Orgen]

Two different girls, two situations:

First: A girl I know since May. We've been hanging out once a week (more or less) but it's always for coffee or drink. I didn't have a problem until 3 months ago when I started really liking her (yeah i know, very late and probably friendzoned). So I've tried to change this "dates" for something like lunch or dinner and making my intentions more clear to no avail. She's always busy on lunch or dinner but has no problems seeing me for coffee and I'haven't been as clear as I wanted. I'm feeling like a "coffee" guy and not someone who could attract her so I said "fuck this shit" 3 weeks ago and haven't spoken her since then (she hasn't spoken to me either). But knowing myself I'll call her when I finish my second situation and give it a last chance.

My question isn't what to do to make my intentions clear (I know what I have to do although any advice would be nice). This girl broke up with his bf (5 year relationship) this March and she's still not over him. It's not like she is in contact with him (they haven't spoken since the break up) but this is messing with her love life (her words). I've got the impression that although she doesn't show clearly an special interest in me if I go for the kiss she'll let it happen. Is this possible or is my mind trying to find a positive thing to give me the courage to go after her even knowing deep down that all is heading to a big disaster?

Second: I met a girl one night (the same day I said "fuck this shit" with girl 1) and we didn't end fucking because we didn't have a place to do it. I've dated this girl two more times and it's been fun and all that (no sex) but she's moving in two months so I know nothing serious can come from her (I'll leave the serious stuff to girl 1 for the moment) but I really want to finish the pending business we left the day we met

Sooo the thing is, before all this cools down I have to bring this to her. I'm usually pretty straightforward but I don't think it's the best way to approach the situation. Any advice? And I said before it cools down because she gets all freaked out if we make out in public (WTF) so it's difficult to maintain a sexual interest if she only loosens up in privacy. Seeing that we don't have privacy in our places atm we'll have to book a hotel room. I was thinking about doing a water circuit/spa before to set the mood, is it a good/bad idea? Any other recommendations?

Thanks in advance!

P.S: Not trying to be mean or rude but why are boys giving advice in this thread? I can understand if someone has been through a similar experience and wants to share it but seeing a virgin spouting things like "she found new dick" strikes me as something completely unnecessary and senseless. Again, no offense intended.

 

[noah111]

^I was in a similar situation a while back actually, and in the end I went for girl 1 and it was alright, but then girl 2 came back (didn't even leave really) and it fucked me up a little since she was obviously interested.

ATM i'm with neither (had to travel) but I would honestly just say who would you find yourself lasting with more instead of who you have a chance at more. (ps. do y'all know of clubs? hotel spa sounds too forward)

I'm not gonna give any advice though since i'm a 'boy' as you say, i'll leave that to our fine gaf woman squad. Good luck!

 

[Amakusa]

Vegeta tought me how to dance

 

[dudeworld]

Hah. Oddly enough, I always played as him in Crazy Taxi.


Yeah... I don't really get how this is attractive.

This was me a couple of months back, btw. My overall disposition is slightly more positive now.

after all your "christian lock down" stories, I always pictured you looking like a real nerdy pushover (no offense) but in actuality, you look completely different than I expected, obviously in a good way

 

[Atramental]

after all your "christian lock down" stories, I always pictured you looking like a real nerdy pushover (no offense) but in actuality, you look completely different than I expected, obviously in a good way

I'm a nerdy pushover trapped inside some "tough" guy's body. Haha.

 

[Orgen]

^I was in a similar situation a while back actually, and in the end I went for girl 1 and it was alright, but then girl 2 came back (didn't even leave really) and it fucked me up a little since she was obviously interested.

ATM i'm with neither (had to travel) but I would honestly just say who would you find yourself lasting with more instead of who you have a chance at more. (ps. do y'all know of clubs? hotel spa sounds too forward)

I'm not gonna give any advice though since i'm a 'boy' as you say, i'll leave that to our fine gaf woman squad. Good luck!

I'm not disregarding every male comment in this thread. It's just that here there are people who are afraid of talking to a girl and giving advice on girls... it's just rolleye worthy IMO

If you have advice I'll be grateful to hear it. But let me explain my situation better because I don't think that you've understood me (English not being my first language doesn't help too).

I'm not trying to pick one girl over another. Girl 1 is girlfriend material and girl 2 is fuck-buddy material. The ideal situation is fucking girl 2 until she leaves (January) and then going after girl 1. I like girl 1 a lot but I'm not wasting my time waiting for her to call me sobbing in a corner so I'm trying to have fun meanwhile. If I can be fuck-buddies with girl 2 until January and then girl 1 keeps ignoring me, on to the next one. If I can't "sleep" (yep, too much fuck in my posts) with girl 2 and girl 1 fails too... then I'm going to sob in the corner

I'm asking for advice that can get me the optimal situation or at least the girl 2 (because it seems easier than girl 1). I'm ready for the worst (it wouldn't be the first time it happens to me...) but I don't want remorses or what if's? so I'm going to try

PS. Yeah, going to a club and getting girl 2 drunk will make her loosen up... but I'm a classy guy (haha). And I see that you've written 'boy', you think I should use another term like guy instead? (honest question, maybe boy sounds too childish?)

 

[Flo]

I do write back. I used to get really embarrassed when we first started writing each other because, as I said, her letters look like love letters and everyone teased me that I had a secret girlfriend across the country. The only reason why I don't really consider her a friend now is because part of me is convinced I'm never going to see her ever again so letter writing seems like prolonging the inevitable time when we drift apart. We used to talk about visiting each other when I first left, but over time we never really made any effort to see each other, including our weddings. That's another thing, we both got married recently but she got married first and I was surprised that she didn't invite me to her wedding. It's not that I really cared but for all her talk of how much I mean to her, it seemed odd that she wouldn't. It just gave me the impression that either we're not that good of friends (bad) or her husband doesn't know that I'm still in contact with her (also bad).



You just blew my mind right here. Do girls really do this? Claiming "ownership" of a guy even if they weren't actually dating? Because I feel like I've had it happen a couple times in the past in various scenarios and I can see how it applies here. My wife's biggest criticism with me is that I'm too nice and totally oblivious to women and their games. I'm not hiding anything from my wife and she can read the letters if she wants to but she chooses not to because she wants me to decide on my own rather than being forced into a decision on her behalf.

Looking at the pro's and con's though, it seems like I'm only keeping in contact with this girl because I want to be nice to her and not because I actually want to or view it as something in my best interest.

Thank you by the way, it was really insightful to get another perspective.

In the end the only way to know for sure what her intentions are, is to ask. Even then she might not tell you the truth. Maybe she just has great memories of your time together and can't let go. Or maybe she wants to claim you indeed.

If you don't really know why you keep contact with her and just do so because you want to be a nice guy.. Maybe it's wiser to be a nice guy to your wife and stop writing. Although I can imagine it would be a bit weird to cut it off just like that. Good luck with it though

 

[Flo]

I'm not trying to pick one girl over another. Girl 1 is girlfriend material and girl 2 is fuck-buddy material. The ideal situation is fucking girl 2 until she leaves (January) and then going after girl 1. I like girl 1 a lot but I'm not wasting my time waiting for her to call me sobbing in a corner so I'm trying to have fun meanwhile. If I can be fuck-buddies with girl 2 until January and then girl 1 keeps ignoring me, on to the next one. If I can't "sleep" (yep, too much fuck in my posts) with girl 2 and girl 1 fails too... then I'm going to sob in the corner

I'm asking for advice that can get me the optimal situation or at least the girl 2 (because it seems easier than girl 1). I'm ready for the worst (it wouldn't be the first time it happens to me...) but I don't want remorses or what if's? so I'm going to try

PS. Yeah, going to a club and getting girl 2 drunk will make her loosen up... but I'm a classy guy (haha). And I see that you've written 'boy', you think I should use another term like guy instead? (honest question, maybe boy sounds too childish?)

Well you don't really sound all too classy..

If you would want girl 1 to be your girlfriend, I can imagine you wouldn't think about fucking another girl. The first period of a relationship and before that involves being in love with someone and it doesn't sound like you are.

Girl 2, I don't know, it sounds a bit like a weird story. Are you sure she would be into just messing around? I can imagine that if she would be, you would have already done so. Two dates without sex and then be 'just fuck-buddies'?

I don't want to be all negative but it all sounds a bit strange to me.

 

[SmokeMaxX]

Well you don't really sound all too classy..

If you would want girl 1 to be your girlfriend, I can imagine you wouldn't think about fucking another girl. The first period of a relationship and before that involves being in love with someone and it doesn't sound like you are.

Girl 2, I don't know, it sounds a bit like a weird story. Are you sure she would be into just messing around? I can imagine that if she would be, you would have already done so. Two dates without sex and then be 'just fuck-buddies'?

I don't want to be all negative but it all sounds a bit strange to me.

Eh?

 

[TurboLibre]

The first period of a relationship and before that involves being in love with someone and it doesn't sound like you are.

That strikes me as one of those things you hear women say, but never follow through on. Starting a relationship by being "in love" with them? That's a disaster waiting to happen.

 

[Flo]

Eh?

Not? Well I worded it wrong, I was talking about this heavily in love feeling but I don't know the English word for it.

That strikes me as one of those things you hear women say, but never follow through on. Starting a relationship by being "in love" with them? That's a disaster waiting to happen.

Well this is the LadyGAF advises ManGAF thread.. Maybe I'm being too romantic then. But I wouldn't consider a relationship with someone I'm not in love with.

 

[Orgen]

Well you don't really sound all too classy..

If you would want girl 1 to be your girlfriend, I can imagine you wouldn't think about fucking another girl. The first period of a relationship and before that involves being in love with someone and it doesn't sound like you are.

Girl 2, I don't know, it sounds a bit like a weird story. Are you sure she would be into just messing around? I can imagine that if she would be, you would have already done so. Two dates without sex and then be 'just fuck-buddies'?

I don't want to be all negative but it all sounds a bit strange to me.

hahaha you've made a good point about the classy thing but don't judge me only for my limited vocabulary (and yes I know it makes me look like a foul-mouthed person but I'm not, I promise!)

You're right about girl 1. I'm not in love with her that's why I'm messing around with another girl. I really like girl 1 but I haven't showed her my true intentions because she doesn't seem as interested as I am (and other things). So I asked if it's possible that besides not being over the ex she could still be open to a new relationship (she told me that she's messed around with other guys since the break up but nothing serious). When the time comes I'll call her, hang out with her and go for the kiss to see if she slaps me on the face or slaps me on the... (there you go, more classy stuff! haha I'm joking)

About girl 2, she's studying in Spain and will be leaving in January (she's from the states). My intention with this girl was always sleeping with her but after the failure of the day we met and the two later dates (with more girlfriend/romantic stuff) I want to get back on track and talk to her so she doesn't get the wrong vibes and see if she's still interested (she was the day we met, I can assure you).

As I've said I could end with nothing but I'm going to try. Only wanted to know the best way to approach this 2 situations.

 

[Devolution]

Well this is the LadyGAF advises ManGAF thread.. Maybe I'm being too romantic then. But I wouldn't consider a relationship with someone I'm not in love with.

Don't you have to test the waters so to speak? I didn't start my relationship madly in love with my current boyfriend. We talked a bunch and one day he just asked me out.

That strikes me as one of those things you hear women say, but never follow through on. Starting a relationship by being "in love" with them? That's a disaster waiting to happen.

Strikes me more as something someone would say with little experience than necessarily gender. I know of more than a couple relationships that have started either as fuck buddies or relative strangers.

 

[The Technomancer]

Well this is the LadyGAF advises ManGAF thread.. Maybe I'm being too romantic then. But I wouldn't consider a relationship with someone I'm not in love with.

I honestly can't think of a single example in my life or the lives of my friends where a relationship starts out at the "being in love" phase. A "relationship" is supposed to be the phase where you find out if you love someone or not.

 

[Devolution]

I honestly can't think of a single example in my life or the lives of my friends where a relationship starts out at the "being in love" phase. A "relationship" is supposed to be the phase where you find out if you love someone or not.

I think someone can be in love with a friend.

 

[TurboLibre]

Strikes me more as something someone would say with little experience than necessarily gender. I know of more than a couple relationships that have started either as fuck buddies or relative strangers.

I'm only singling out women here because they're more likely to romanticize this stuff and focus on ideals than men. Guys rarely talk about love and almost always focus on sex. It makes finding advice pretty aggravating, actually, since there's almost no middle ground.

I think someone can be in love with a friend.

I wish it worked that way. I really do. Problem is I don't know many relationships that started form a friendship. Girls have a habit of losing interest if the guy doesn't make a move ASAP.

 

[Professor Beef]

I think someone can be in love with a friend.

This is true. The only problem is if that love is one-sided.

 

[Kad5]

So i'm 5'6.....

I realize this is a bit underwhelming. Girls tell me I have an attractive face though. However, I see these same girls go after taller and bigger guys than me.

Very disappointing....

 

[Devolution]

This is true. The only problem is if that love is one-sided.

It often is but sometimes you get lucky.

So i'm 5'6.....

I realize this is a bit underwhelming. Girls tell me I have an attractive face though. However, I see these same girls go after taller and bigger guys than me.

Very disappointing....

It's going to sound horrible but I feel sorry for short guys and ones who can't grow beards, because as much as people say personality matters, I find taller men with facial hair more attractive. Just how it is.

 

[Jokab]

So i'm 5'6.....

I realize this is a bit underwhelming. Girls tell me I have an attractive face though. However, I see these same girls go after taller and bigger guys than me.

Very disappointing....

Hey, I'm 6'2" and I mostly see the opposite. Don't get discouraged, you see what you expect to see.

 

[Agent Cooper]

How do you flirt? I'm hopeless... ;_;

 

[Kad5]

It often is but sometimes you get lucky.





It's going to sound horrible but I feel sorry for short guys and ones who can't grow beards, because as much as people say personality matters, I find taller men with facial hair more attractive. Just how it is.

Well growing facial hair is one thing I CAN do.

 

[Devolution]

Well growing facial is one thing I CAN do.

Grow a goatee. =o.

 

[Kad5]

Grow a goatee. =o.

I could probably do that. I'm actually not shaving for november anyway so we'll see.

 

[Devolution]

Operation get more men to grow goatees is in effect.

 

[Plywood]

How do you flirt? I'm hopeless... ;_;

... You're a girl, no? Let the guys do that.

 

[Ezalc]

Operation get more men to grow goatees is in effect.

That's some diabolical shit right there.

 

[PigSpeakers]

How do you flirt? I'm hopeless... ;_;

I always like it when girls compliment me on how manly I look that day or compliment me on my beard. It's also just about reciprocation, I guess.

 

[CountAntonius]

Operation get more men to grow goatees is in effect.

I'm all about the facial hair. Mostly mustache and goatee though But I will go full beard every now and then(like now).

I feel so boring clean shaven.

How do you flirt? I'm hopeless... ;_;

Going from the pic you posted in the Pic thread you don't really need to flirt at all. Just say hello.

 

[Professor Beef]

It often is but sometimes you get lucky.

I got burned pretty badly by getting unlucky with this situation recently. I'm finally moving on, but now I'm back to forever alone status.

How do you flirt? I'm hopeless... ;_;

Giggle, but don't make it sound condescending. You now know how to flirt at a basic level!

 

[Agent Cooper]

... You're a girl, no? Let the guys do that.

I just have no idea how to let guys know I'm interested in them. I'm so awkward.

 

[PigSpeakers]

I have a beard, but would never go goatee. I'm just trying to get it to grow a little more on the cheeks and even out more. It's getting there, albeit slowly.

 

[TurboLibre]

You now know how to flirt at a basic level!

That's not always true. I have no idea how to flirt, not even on a basic level. Don't know what to expect from women when they flirt either.

 

[Lissar]

Operation get more men to grow goatees is in effect.

Yikes, if more men had goatees I would be doubly glad I'm off the market. They always say girls like men who are like their fathers, and my father has always had a big beard but I've never been fond of men with facial hair. Fortunately my boyfriend can't really grow any for the most part. Works for me.

... You're a girl, no? Let the guys do that.

Proper flirting is a two way street.

Before me and my boyfriend were a couple, there was so much nerdy flirting back and forth. It probably would have been hilarious to listen to. I'm not a "flirt" at all, in that I don't really know how to do it with random guys, but I've always managed well with guys I'm really into.

 

[CountAntonius]

I just have no idea how to let guys know I'm interested in them. I'm so awkward.

Just say hello. If a girl shows interest she really doesn't have to say she likes us. we can pretty much tell.

 

[ianp622]

I just have no idea how to let guys know I'm interested in them. I'm so awkward.

These are what girls do to get the point across for me:
1. A genuine smile - if you're interested in them, you'll eyes will reflect it.
2. Looking at them just a tad too long, and then looking down shyly when they notice.
3. Touching - the more confident girls will find some excuse to grab onto my arm and linger for awhile.
4. Heartfelt, non-generic compliments - I often get compliments on how I dress, and don't take that as an indicator of interest, but when a girl calls me "regal", then I know there's something more to it.

 

[Lissar]

Just say hello. If a girl shows interest she really doesn't have to say she likes us. we can pretty much tell.

If girl-age and some of the questions in here are anything to go by, this is definitely not universally true. With general confusion about the intentions of others, plus I know some girls who pretty much seem the opposite when they are interested in a guy, it can be hard to tell for some (also there was some book awhile ago that said if a girl wants to interest a man she shouldn't show interest in him! It would 'drive him wild'. Ugh, advice books.)

 

[CountAntonius]

If girl-age and some of the questions in here are anything to go by, this is definitely not universally true. With general confusion about the intentions of others, plus I know some girls who pretty much seem the opposite when they are interested in a guy, it can be hard to tell for some (also there was some book awhile ago that said if a girl wants to interest a man she shouldn't show interest in him! It would 'drive him wild'. Ugh, advice books.)

Advice books are written for profit not truth. If you like a guy all you gotta do is try your best to be around him and talk to him. As a guy it becomes painfully obvious when a girl is into you. She never has to say anything in regards to that. If the girl hangs around you on her own you can just tell.

 

[Lissar]

Advice books are written for profit not truth. If you like a guy all you gotta do is try your best to be around him and talk to him. As a guy is becomes painfully obvious when a girl is into you. She never has to say anything in regards to that. If the girl hangs around you on her own you can just tell.

I've had lots of guys assume I was into them because I was friendly. I've had guy friends be completely blown away that a girl liked them even though it was quite obvious to everyone else. So it really isn't always true.

 

[Kisaya]

Advice books are written for profit not truth. If you like a guy all you gotta do is try your best to be around him and talk to him. As a guy is becomes painfully obvious when a girl is into you. She never has to say anything in regards to that. If the girl hangs around you on her own you can just tell.

Is it really that obvious? Whenever I try to cling to a guy that I'm interested in they don't respond at all. But then with guys that I'm just friendly with and not attempt anything, they assume I like them :/

 

[CountAntonius]

I've had lots of guys assume I was into them because I was friendly. I've had guy friends be completely blown away that a girl liked them even though it was quite obvious to everyone else. So it really isn't always true.

I guess I can only speak for myself because I do know some men that take a sideways glance as love at first sight. I guess I just have more common sense when it comes to this I never found it hard to identify when a girl is interested or not. But like I said that is just me.

I still don't think a girl needs to force it though. She's asking how to get a guy to know she interested in him Just show interest. Those guys who think you want them for saying hello will always be there but she isn't asking about that.

Is it really that obvious? Whenever I try to cling to a guy that I'm interested in they don't respond at all. But then with guys that I'm just friendly with and not attempt anything, they assume I like them :/

Sounds like the first guy isn't interested and the second guy is desperate.

What I'm trying to say it shouldn't this stuff just come naturally? You are interested in somebody you just tend to put yourself around them more often and if it's mutual you just get closer and closer. Always been how it's happened with me.

 

[cooljeanius]

I just have no idea how to let guys know I'm interested in them. I'm so awkward.

Edit: nvm, that was probably in bad taste.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Operation get more men to grow goatees is in effect.

I'll never understand this. Facial hair sucks, clean shaven for lyfe. I hate when I'm not clean shaven.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Edit: nvm, that was probably in bad taste.

...?

 

[Professor Beef]

 

[Ezalc]

Advice books are written for profit not truth. If you like a guy all you gotta do is try your best to be around him and talk to him. As a guy it becomes painfully obvious when a girl is into you. She never has to say anything in regards to that. If the girl hangs around you on her own you can just tell.

I don't think this is true at all, a girl in my class said some suggestive stuff but from what I've seen she's just being friendly.

 

[Kisaya]

Sounds like the first guy isn't interested and the second guy is desperate.

What I'm trying to say it shouldn't this stuff just come naturally? You are interested in somebody you just tend to put yourself around them more often and if it's mutual you just get closer and closer. Always been how it's happened with me.

Yeah I agree with that of course, but I don't think it's always that obvious with both sexes ;x Sometimes it just takes a confession for a person to realize. People are weird lol.

 

[Devolution]

I'll never understand this. Facial hair sucks, clean shaven for lyfe. I hate when I'm not clean shaven.

=(. No tickling the ladies for you.