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[Google]

And yes your example seems like it would be odd, but I think it would be okay, a little strange, but still okay, if I walked up to a woman on the street and said "you are stunning and i love your style and i was wondering if you had any interest in dinner". Some people would even call it romantic

I have friends who've talked about that situation and have had really positive reactions to it.

A girl/friend of mine talked about having a really shitty morning and it being made so much better because a guy stopped her on the street and told her how great her hair was. She was so happy.

 

[gatling]

I would think looking them in the eye is exactly how to show them you ARENT a creep, if you catch my drift

Spoiler

Pardon my levity

 

[SeanC]

But fellas, what kinda man am I if I can't tell them dames how nice their gams are?

 

[Google]

But fellas, what kinda man am I if I can't tell them dames how nice their gams are?

A insulated one who cant speak to women without being creepy, 1920's man?

 

[SeanC]

A insulated one who cant speak to women without being creepy, 1920's man?

Ah that sounds like a buncha malarky. Them gals ain't showin' them ankles and NOT wantin to be whistled at, I tells ya.

 

[excelsiorlef]

I have friends who've talked about that situation and have had really positive reactions to it.

A girl/friend of mine talked about having a really shitty morning and it being made so much better because a guy stopped her on the street and told her how great her hair was. She was so happy.

There's a difference between nice hair and nice hair let's have dinner

My opinion may be informed by the fact that i am a cigarette smoker. I have had great random conversations outside of work with random people while we smoke.

I have never asked someone in that situation out, but I could see it happening.

And yes your example seems like it would be odd, but I think it would be okay, a little strange, but still okay, if I walked up to a woman on the street and said "you are stunning and i love your style and i was wondering if you had any interest in dinner". Some people would even call it romantic

And some would call it unsettling...

 

[Google]

Ah that sounds like a buncha malarky. Them gals ain't showin' them ankles and NOT wantin to be whistled at, I tells ya.

Malarkey is slang for "bullshit," isn't it?

 

[Morrigan Stark]

I always wonder what is the best way to go up to a lady and just want to tell them how beautiful they look today (whether it's her look or dress, or whatever) without making it feel odd and weird for random stranger came up to you. As I read the post here, it look like it won't be as easy as it sound as most people want to go on with they life without someone disturb them getting to their destination.

Catcalling isn't the best way and I guess we see it too many time when we're young and think it's okay (you can blame it a bit on cartoon which you see quite a bit of it there when I was young lad).

Sigh...I guess this is why you see more people taking pics of beautiful girl walking by and post it online for people to see and talk how beautiful she is which is another weird thing to discuss here as it's kinda wrong to do it.

This post is so WTF

First why do you feel the need to tell women you aren't intending to date that they're beautiful? That's just weird.

Then the picture thing.... more WTF. "kinda wrong"? Kinda?!

Sometimes, I look at someone and if they catch me, I''l tell them: You have great XYZ. or ''You have this great aura about you. Have a nice day. ''

I have no intention of dating them, and that is for men or women.

....That's just fucking weird. If anyone told me that I'd just think they're a super-awkward creep.

Pashmilla and all the other girls in this thread, thank you loves. <3 Been having this discussion on GAF for years and it's hard to keep up the motivation.

For those who care:

I've been catcalled in every country I've ever visited after the age of 11.

Damn, that's rough. I've pretty much never been catcalled in my life, maybe you should move to Canada.

 

[Glix]

And some would call it unsettling...

I think thats fair and I would think both reactions are valid.

I just dont think that its the sort of thing that should be universally reviled.

 

[AnathemicOne]

My opinion may be informed by the fact that i am a cigarette smoker. I have had great random conversations outside of work with random people while we smoke.

I have never asked someone in that situation out, but I could see it happening.

And yes your example seems like it would be odd, but I think it would be okay, a little strange, but still okay, if I walked up to a woman on the street and said "you are stunning and i love your style and i was wondering if you had any interest in dinner". Some people would even call it romantic

How is a stranger coming up to you and offering you dinner not setting any alarms off?

 

[Glix]

How is a stranger coming up to you and offering you dinner not setting any alarms off?

Yes, if there is one thing that sets off my internal alarms more than anything else its when someone offers me dinner.

 

[Laevateinn]

How is a stranger coming up to you and offering you dinner not setting any alarms off?

"you are stunning and i love your style and i was wondering if you had any interest in my dungeon."

 

[pashmilla]

Yes, if there is one thing that sets off my internal alarms more than anything else its when someone offers me dinner.

If a strange man came up to me in the street, told me I was pretty and asked me to dinner, I would run far, far away. This might not seem like a big deal to dudes, but for many women it's basically a neon sign saying I'M A CREEPER.

 

[Google]

This might not seem like a big deal to dudes, but for many women it's basically a neon sign saying I'M A CREEPER.

I think you've got to the crux of the matter.

 

[number47]

How is a stranger coming up to you and offering you dinner not setting any alarms off?

I drank the water in Heavy Rain.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

As a native French speaker I always thought the term "catcalling" almost sounds too nice. In French this term doesn't actually exist; there's no translation for "catcalling". We just call that street harassment.

 

[Glix]

If a strange man came up to me in the street, told me I was pretty and asked me to dinner, I would run far, far away. This might not seem like a big deal to dudes, but for many women it's basically a neon sign saying I'M A CREEPER.

I think its very context dependant but I understand your viewpoint.

Hell I went on a date with a girl when i was working in a call center after i helped her with her internet. (She asked me). Sometimes there is just a "connection" with someone.

 

[xevis]

And yes your example seems like it would be odd, but I think it would be okay, a little strange, but still okay, if I walked up to a woman on the street and said "you are stunning and i love your style and i was wondering if you had any interest in dinner". Some people would even call it romantic

Please don't harass random women on the street to ask for dates. It's not context dependent, it's not sometimes romantic, it's just straight up creepy.

 

[Sai-kun]

I drank the water in Heavy Rain.

i don't have a ton to add to this topic except that i'm cackling at this post.

don't harass women in the street yall.

 

[Glix]

Please don't harass random women on the street to ask for dates.

Sometimes I tell colleagues in the elevator thay their shoes are great even if we have only ever seen each other in passing.

This seems to endear me to them.

I have also randomly complimented both men and women on the street if they are extra awesome like the guy with the dope zelda hoodie or the lady with the Spirited Away tatoo.

Multiple strangers have stopped me to ask about the "Switch" pin i got at the preview event that is pinned to my jacket.

Sometimes people in the street talk. Maybe because i live/work in nyc we have different ideas of the street?

Downtown ny streets are packed people protesting outside CH, people smoking, people walking, people waiting. Sometimes strangers talk.

Edit its weird here because i have never catcalled and never would, i dont want ppl coming in here late to think that is where this is coming from.

I dont think complimenting someone on the street is "harrasment". I think that is a massive leap.

 

[Five]

I have friends who've talked about that situation and have had really positive reactions to it.

A girl/friend of mine talked about having a really shitty morning and it being made so much better because a guy stopped her on the street and told her how great her hair was. She was so happy.

I've addressed this a couple times already but there's a difference between complimenting a decision of mine (such as what I've chosen to wear or how I've made my hair look) and complimenting how good nature was at producing a fuckable person. I'll take compliments on my shoes and hair color all day.

Mileage will vary though. You still have to be nice about it and some women still don't want to be approached by anyone, regardless.

 

[riotous]

Talking to strangers isn't harassment; it's about having tact. The first words said should be benign; and then if the person seems shy or uninterested then don't continue.

Harassment is about 2 things to me:

1) If contact is initiated; do not make that contact something that could possibly make someone uncomfortable. Now you can't account for the fact someone might have extreme social anxiety, but avoid compliments or anything remotely about the person you are initiating contact with if you can avoid it. If you do say something about them, try to not sound too thirsty and try to make it non sexual.

2) If there is no sign they wanted to have contact initiated; don't continue with the contact. That's really the crux of what the term harassment really refers to; repeated unwanted contact. And notice the framing; "no sign they wanted contact initiated" is worded purposefully; they might not give obvious signs they are annoyed, or obvious signs they think you are harassing them... that doesn't matter, only continue contact if they give somewhat of an enthusiastic sign they actually want to talk.

1 requires a lot of tact and you might fail, but so does 2. Don't say anything if they ignore you, don't make a passive aggressive comment, don't apologize, just move on with your day.

Seems to have worked for me.

Also don't be a simp; you shouldn't want to date someone on sight, and if you do, work on that before ever attempting to talk to people.

 

[John Kowalski]

I don't know what people are going for discussing compliments someone gives or receives that are obviously removed from the more sexual and invasive comments that are being discussed. They're only diluting the topic. But maybe they're not aware of the difference idk.

 

[Glix]

Talking to strangers isn't harassment; it's about having tact. The first words said should be benign; and then if the person seems shy or uninterested then don't continue.

Harassment is about 2 things to me:

1) If contact is initiated; do not make that contact something that could possibly make someone uncomfortable. Now you can't account for the fact someone might have extreme social anxiety, but avoid compliments or anything remotely about the person you are initiating contact with if you can avoid it. If you do say something about them, try to not sound too thirsty and try to make it non sexual.

2) If there is no sign they wanted to have contact initiated; don't continue with the contact. That's really the crux of what the term harassment really refers to; repeated unwanted contact. And notice the framing; "no sign they wanted contact initiated" is worded purposefully; they might not give obvious signs they are annoyed, or obvious signs they think you are harassing them... that doesn't matter, only continue contact if they give somewhat of an enthusiastic sign they actually want to talk.

1 requires a lot of tact and you might fail, but so does 2. Don't say anything if they ignore you, don't make a passive aggressive comment, don't apologize, just move on with your day.

Seems to have worked for me.

Also don't be a simp; you shouldn't want to date someone on sight, and if you do, work on that before ever attempting to talk to people.

This post puts it all better than i can.

I think maybe im out of touch with some of the stuff that goes on because it sort of reads like "how to be a social person and read other peoples cues" which is just... yeah, of course.

 

[commedieu]

Sometimes I tell colleagues in the elevator thay their shoes are great even if we have only ever seen each other in passing.

This seems to endear me to them.

I have also randomly complimented both men and women on the street if they are extra awesome like the guy with the dope zelda hoodie or the lady with the Spirited Away tatoo.

Multiple strangers have stopped me to ask about the "Switch" pin i got at the preview event that is pinned to my jacket.

Sometimes people in the street talk. Maybe because i live/work in nyc we have different ideas of the street?

Downtown ny streets are packed people protesting outside CH, people smoking, people walking, people waiting. Sometimes strangers talk.

Edit its weird here because i have never catcalled and never would, i dont want ppl coming in here late to think that is where this is coming from.

I dont think complimenting someone on the street is "harrasment". I think that is a massive leap.

All that, to end tonedeaf.

You aren't the only person on earth, so no need to take things personal. Generally speaking, women are harassed on the street. Daily. Despite your reasons for harassing women, you're doing it too. Sure sometimes it may get a response, but generally, it doesn't for most.

It's not hard to know when it's appropriate and when it's not. If you're not the person most women talk about, then you're not the problem, right? You don't have control over how your actions are perceived. Especially when 1000 brodude's ruin basic conversation with women for you.

But if you have a bunch of people telling you it's creepy and harassing, you just can't say nuh-uh.

Edit:

And now people are having the great semantic debate. Nothing gets a partner faster than pedantic discussion.

Lol.

 

[entremet]

I've been cat called by folks driving pretty sweet rides... I don't presume it's all class here.

Well, you can't buy class, excelsiorcief.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

Asking someone to dinner that you literally met a few seconds ago is weird, yeah.

Making conversation isn't, though. On the flipside, I've had idle chatter mistaken for flirting before. Example: In my social awkwardness I was attempting to brighten up the dismal atmosphere in the room and said something super generic like "well, at least it's sunny for once" when it had been raining for a while. The girl in the room rolled her eyes and laughed at me before leaving to wait somewhere else. I really just wanted to talk about the weather, and it kind of hurt my feelings, lol.

But yeah, there's a fine line between talking to someone and talking to someone with clear intentions that the underlying message is "I find you attractive."

 

[Double Donut]

Generally speaking, women are harassed on the street. Daily. Despite your reasons for harassing women, you're doing it too.

Dude just said he complements simple things he'll think is cool like a shirt or shoes...

Is a passing comment like "Nice sweatshirt!" really harassment now? :/

Sounds like you're basically saying "don't give women you don't know complements, ever," which just sounds odd. Even if they don't have any romantic or sexual intent?

 

[number47]

Dude just said he complements simple things he'll think is cool like a shirt or shoes...

Is a passing comment like "Nice sweatshirt!" really harassment now? :/

Sounds like you're basically saying "don't give women you don't know complements, ever," which just sounds odd. Even if they don't have any romantic or sexual intent?

some people can't handle social interactions without it being spelled out for them. this thread boils down to context and don't shout at strangers outside.

 

[blame space]

intent is irrelevant leave people alone

 

[Double Donut]

intent is irrelevant leave people alone

So just don't talk to anyone??

 

[AnathemicOne]

So just don't talk to anyone??

On public streets? Yeah its good mindset to have, works out in LA, SF, Vancouver, etc.

 

[sugarman]

I've had women do it to me.

I felt sexy...

 

[Deepwater]

So just don't talk to anyone??

yes.

 

[Google]

On public streets? Yeah its good mindset to have, works out in LA, SF, Vancouver, etc.

One of these is not like the other.

 

[number47]

One of these is not like the other.

etc. isn't a city.

 

[Glix]

All that, to end tonedeaf.

You aren't the only person on earth, so no need to take things personal. Generally speaking, women are harassed on the street. Daily. Despite your reasons for harassing women, you're doing it too. Sure sometimes it may get a response, but generally, it doesn't for most.

It's not hard to know when it's appropriate and when it's not. If you're not the person most women talk about, then you're not the problem, right? You don't have control over how your actions are perceived. Especially when 1000 brodude's ruin basic conversation with women for you.

But if you have a bunch of people telling you it's creepy and harassing, you just can't say nuh-uh.

Edit:

And now people are having the great semantic debate. Nothing gets a partner faster than pedantic discussion.

Lol.

Trying to keep my ears open, and that all is fair.

Im still of the state of mind that I am not being harrassed when someone comes up to me and asks me for a light or a cig.

If i say no and then they follow me "cmon man, I know you have an extra", THAT is harrasment to me.

To me there is a clear difference.

But I will continue to think and reflect on it, as some of you have proven to me in our time on these boards that your opinions are worth respecting

 

[John Kowalski]

So just don't talk to anyone??

How i got over my fear of speaking

 

[LionPride]

What the hell is wrong with some of yall

 

[Dirca]

I do it all the time, but I don't get much reaction-
"Yeah, eat that cheese lady!"
Or
"Uh-huh...pluck that banjo"

Am I doing it wrong?

 

[blame space]

I do it all the time, but I don't get much reaction-
"Yeah, eat that cheese lady!"

&#129300;

 

[bootsthecat]

I'm pretty bad with this at work, but not with randoms (unless it's at a bar or something, but then it's hitting on girls and not catcalling I guess).

Really, I've actually been almost blushing at some of the shit I say, but they love it! Who am I to deny them such a cunning linguist.

Know your audience, is all.

 

[commedieu]

Dude just said he complements simple things he'll think is cool like a shirt or shoes...

Is a passing comment like "Nice sweatshirt!" really harassment now? :/

Sounds like you're basically saying "don't give women you don't know complements, ever," which just sounds odd. Even if they don't have any romantic or sexual intent?

No. There's context. In a bar.. at a club.. or other type of events. Compliment away.

On the street, leaving it at a "nice shoes" is fine, but rare. its the exception. Not the rule. Dudes have ruined even those things with creepy follow ups. It's a numbers game.

Knowing that this person does get harassed on a daily, you'd have to know that you're possibly adding to that. Despite your intentions, those don't matter. You have to be self aware of that. There is nuance to all situations. Which is why I said generally.

People are getting defensive, and crying foul because they just compliment women and move on. If that is how we generally acted, we wouldn't have a thread.

 

[Pau]

On the street, leaving it at a "nice shoes" is fine, but rare. its the exception. Not the rule. Dudes have ruined even those things with creepy follow ups. It's a numbers game.

For real. If you are a stranger approaching me on the street and it's not about directions or something like that, I'm already on guard because of what usually comes after the compliment or innocuous comment.

 

[excelsiorlef]

I think its very context dependant but I understand your viewpoint.

Hell I went on a date with a girl when i was working in a call center after i helped her with her internet. (She asked me). Sometimes there is just a "connection" with someone.

That's a connection because you talked. We're talking a situation where the first thing out of your mouth to a woman on some random sidewalk is something like you're pretty let me buy you dinner

 

[FUME5]

Never catcalled anyone, been catcalled by women a few times when I was younger, didn't help get them laid either.

 

[LionPride]

That's a connection because you talked. We're talking a situation where the first thing out of your mouth to a woman on some random sidewalk is something like you're pretty let me buy you dinner

It's like folks get defensive when they don't understand a simple concept such as catcalling, and yes it is a simple concept

 

[Boy Wander]

If a strange man came up to me in the street, told me I was pretty and asked me to dinner, I would run far, far away. This might not seem like a big deal to dudes, but for many women it's basically a neon sign saying I'M A CREEPER.

I guess it's not so weird for someone to be instantly attracted to someone they see and to want to get to know them in a heat of the moment, instinctive manner. There isn't really an acceptable social precedent for bridging that gap though - I mean, you either know someone or you don't. Best case scenario, it's really fucking awkward, worst case scenario it's also a bit creepy. You'd need to be in the same social situations as said person which I assume, given that you don't know them, would basically mean you'd have to then become a stalker.

So you just take the L, lament about whomever DOES know them ("lucky bastards") and move on. We all must see people where we think "He/She's stunning and I bet he/she'd be a great person to hang out with" but we don't have the equivalent of tourettes so we keep our mouths shut.

 

[Mr. Blonde]

You can interact with strangers but if you're goal is to sleep with them then don't even start. Y'all don't say hi to every mother fucker on the street except that woman you wanna slam. Just try to envision what she (and a lot of woman most likely think -- hint, it's been said many times in this thread and by you): fuck off. Just do the fucking off part before you even ask. It's not that hard.

You're not putting up any good arguments for why men should be allowed to just talk to women. Women never get a chance to tell you no beforehand because y'all get upset just like when women cover their cups at bars.

This is really taking it too far, imo.

 

[acheron_xl]

If you want to chat up some random woman on the streets, might I suggest starting with 'hi' or 'hello' if you're feeling formal. Then, if they recoil in terror because they think you're a creep, you don't have to advance to something shittier.

edit: Actually, I'd probably meet eyes first. If they avert their gaze, that's a clear sign you don't have to say anything at all! Crisis averted!