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Life sucks and I'm going to be alone forever

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T

teiresias

Member
OK, so I've been interested in this guy for a while, let's call him "Dan". We'd actually met about a year ago, but just this past summer started seeing alot of each other. For awhile there it was really sizzling and we'd hold hands in movies, cuddle while watching TV, and have amazingly passionate sex. We never officially went on a date or anything though.

A couple of weeks ago that all stopped, but he also got sick around that time and has alot of muscle and pain problems recently so I attributed it to that. Well, today we go see a movie, and this new friend of his comes along and halfway through the movie they start holding hands. So I'm sitting there thinking what the hell and am generally cranky the rest of the time. "Dan" and I had driven there together and the other guy showed up in his own car. So we decide to all go back to his place, so "Dan" and I ride back in my car and the other guy drives separately in his car. "Dan" was saying something to me, and I guess I gave a look, because he said something like, "You act like you've been in a bad mood since the middle of the movie."

So I finally just say fuck it, "Why don't you hold hands with me or cuddle with me anymore." I guess he misheard me because he said, "I like cuddling with you, it's fun." So I say, "I know, so why don't we do it anymore?" And Dan says, "Well, I guess I just didn't want to lead you on."

He continues to say, "We've become really good friends and I don't want it to be all weird." Well, I'm thinking it's already all weird. Then Dan says, "Besides, we started out fucking, we didn't actually go on a date."

Then we drive for about 20 minutes not saying anything. Finally, I say, "Would you have dated me after we fucked?" Dan says, "Well, we fucked." I say, "That doesn't answer my question, does that preclude dating." Then Dan says, "If I'd met you under different circumstances I probably would have."

We get back to his place and this other guy hasn't shown up yet. I stay there a minute or so, but decide I'm freaking out and need to get out of there. So I hug him and say, "It may not be weird forever, but it's definately weird right now." Then I leave.

I feel like utter crap. I fell for this guy HARD, and now I don't know where exactly something went wrong. So we had sex means he can't date me? It's not like I had sex alone, in fact the first time we had sex he was the initiator and if I knew that was going to be some weird impedement to a future relationship I certainly would have not done it, but then I'm certain that would have been seen as a rejection and non-interest anyway. And technically speaking we didn't start off by fucking because I'd known him at least a year before we started having sex, we just didn't see much of each other during that year.

What sucks about my life is that I get broken up with before I've even dated anyone. All the guys I get VERY interested in turn out to be this complicated dances of not actually dating and then when it finally comes up it doesn't happen or they move away. Unfortunately, this is the strongest I've felt about anyone EVER and I'm just really in a bad state right now. I want to call him, but I know I shouldn't right now, because that guy is probably still there. I just don't think I've ever been as depressed as I am right now, and I feel like I'm 25 and I've only had one real boyfriend and I was only his boyfriend because I was more curious of what it was like to have one at the time since I'd never had one, and since I've never had a real relationship at this age that I'm just doomed to be alone forever.

Mainly I'm just mad that this whole sex thing is some kind of weird issue here. I dunno. Sorry, I just had to vent.
 
T

teiresias

Member
No, because this wasn't "piece of ass" sex, and we're really good friends, though who knows what happens to that after tonight.

That was one thing about the sex, it was the most passionate, romantic sex I'd ever had in my life, certainly not "hook-up"-feeling sex.
 
T

Truelize

Steroid Distributor
I'm guessing you are not a girl are you?

Yeah well that just makes everything I just read really, really weird.

Good luck.













If he doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you then move on. Time heals all.
 
B

BuddyC

Member
hey, i'm currently in the throes of a "what the fuck is this" relationship, so i definately feel your pain.
 
F

Freestyler

Member
I say give it a day or two and then call him and ask to talk things over. It's weird that he's saying he can't date you after having sex with you, it's almost as if he just likes 'conquering' guys by getting them in bed, then moving on to the next one; so dating isn't necessary since he's already 'had' you.

Although it doesn't seem that he's totally ruled out the idea of dating, just that he 'didn't wanna lead you on' - maybe this is because he thought you weren't interested in dating. Now that he knows you are, maybe things will be different?

Cheer up either way, not all gay men are assholes :)
 
Grizzlyjin

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
You got to make things all official and nice. Otherwise it gets filed under "booty call." Although I've never had sex with someone before dating them...It will either be date and then sex or just sex. Sex and then dating would be too emotionally confusing, cause honestly I wouldn't care about someone I had sex with first. But thats just me.

It sounds like Dan doesn't cares about you that much, I mean he is cutting off contact and backing off. You don't need someone who isn't going to appreciate you.

Sorry to hear all this, but I'm sure you'll get it together. I just know that they're enough guys out there that will treat you better than this, so moving on seems like a good option.
 
T

teiresias

Member
I don't mean to make him out to be an asshole. Because he earnestly wants to stay friends I think, but I don't think I could handle that at this point, because I was getting jealous as hell seeing him in the movie with that guy.

I was going to call and maybe talk to him tomorrow night, because if I don't do it after work tomorrow then I won't be able to see him until next weekend since I'm out of town for work all week this semester.

It's just extremely dissapointing to me that for some odd reason the fact that we've had sex means he can't be emotionally as attached to me as someone he goes on a date with first and then has sex with - makes no sense at all to me, particularly since we were friends before we had sex anyway, so it's not like it was anonymous sex to begin with, we had an established kind of relationship.
 
W

White Man

Member
I've found this type of stuff to be rather prevalent in the gay community. I'm kind of glad I plan on dying alone. Close relationships with other people tend to be a drag. Just give me a bunch of interesting friends and acquaintances.

I'm sure eventually you'll find someone decent. Maybe.
 
way more

way more

Member
teiresias said:
No, because this wasn't "piece of ass" sex, and we're really good friends, though who knows what happens to that after tonight.

That was one thing about the sex, it was the most passionate, romantic sex I'd ever had in my life, certainly not "hook-up"-feeling sex.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry but it sounds like this guy is a jerk.

Truth is I came in here ready to post this
I removed it, it was mis-linked and not worth it
and give you some junior high advice for a heartbroken teenager.. You fell for him so it must be hard to take. It sounds like this was the first person you felt that way with, and that's kind of a crazy thing to go through. I think that some people rarely encounter others they can really bond with. At this point in my life I don't know what to say, I'm like three months from the same thing happening to me. Also, the truth is I was going to say that I always assumed it was easier for you guys because you don't have to deal with girls.

Edit: I have a friend who says the same thing as your title, I don't know a polite way to tell him he's full of shit.
 
Grizzlyjin

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
teiresias said:
I don't mean to make him out to be an asshole. Because he earnestly wants to stay friends I think, but I don't think I could handle that at this point, because I was getting jealous as hell seeing him in the movie with that guy.

I was going to call and maybe talk to him tomorrow night, because if I don't do it after work tomorrow then I won't be able to see him until next weekend since I'm out of town for work all week this semester.

It's just extremely dissapointing to me that for some odd reason the fact that we've had sex means he can't be emotionally as attached to me as someone he goes on a date with first and then has sex with - makes no sense at all to me, particularly since we were friends before we had sex anyway, so it's not like it was anonymous sex to begin with, we had an established kind of relationship.
Click to expand...

You're blind! Even without some spin on the story, it sounds like he played some dirty pool. I always have trouble seeing the faults in people I like. Just tak a step back and make sure this isn't a jerk. Of course we don't know what is going on in his head. He could be just as confused as you.

Let us hope he really wants to stay friends. But could you really be friends with him after this? I've said the "We'll still be friend afterwards..." so many times, and it hasn't worked 90% of the time. Maybe it is just me, but its hard to go back to being friends with the past hanging over your head. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to stay friends though, its harder to lose a lover AND a friend.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
I really have no fucking idea, because for starters, I've never been in a relationship, and secondly, I don't know a thing about the inner workings of the gay mind. But maybe it's not so much him being a jerk, but him temporarily giving into lust or whatever for you, and then genuinely deciding that he doesn't want to ruin a good friendship? The fuck if I know.
 
T

totoro'd

Member
Truelize said:
I'm guessing you are not a girl are you?

Yeah well that just makes everything I just read really, really weird.
Click to expand...

Newsflash: women have the right to vote, and people can marry other races

Sounds to me that irregardless of how you viewed it, he seems to have a problem with the fact you two slept together so soon
 
N

nitewulf

Member
he thinks you're a bit of a slut. if there's no way to redeem yourself in his eyes, might as well move on. hell, if he doesnt respect you then why bother. anyway, next time you might wanna let the other guy know how you feel early on.
 
T

teiresias

Member
oooooo, we won't go the slut route, there is no logical way he can bag on me for slutty behavior, given his own, not in a million years, and he knows that very well, so that's all I'm saying on that, lol! :D
 
D

Diablos

Member
White Man said:
I've found this type of stuff to be rather prevalent in the gay community. I'm kind of glad I plan on dying alone. Close relationships with other people tend to be a drag. Just give me a bunch of interesting friends and acquaintances.

I'm sure eventually you'll find someone decent. Maybe.
Click to expand...
SO much irony in that post... if what you say is true why is it that banning gay marriage pisses you homosexuals off? It sounds like most people in the gay community don't want to be tied down to the same person.
 
F

Freestyler

Member
It's not the banning of marriage (as a Christian-based bond between man and woman) that I care so much about, more the whole equal rights thing. Like tax rights, next-of-kin status, who gets the kids if you split, who gets the house etc.

I for one do want to be tied down to one person eventually.
 
N

nitewulf

Member
Diablos said:
SO much irony in that post... if what you say is true why is it that banning gay marriage pisses you homosexuals off? It sounds like most people in the gay community don't want to be tied down to the same person.
Click to expand...

did white man express his opinion on the matter or are you just grouping him with the rest of the homosexuals?

anyway, teiresias, fact is, he obviously viewed you as a "booty call" or "fun time" dude rather than "relationship material". its odd, i thought gay men would be above such judgements, for some reason.
 
way more

way more

Member
nitewulf said:
he thinks you're a bit of a slut. if there's no way to redeem yourself in his eyes, might as well move on. hell, if he doesnt respect you then why bother. anyway, next time you might wanna let the other guy know how you feel early on.
Click to expand...

You said you knew him a year right?

Freestyler said:
It's not the banning of marriage (as a Christian-based bond between man and woman) that I care so much about, more the whole equal rights thing. Like tax rights, next-of-kin status, who gets the kids if you split, who gets the house etc.
Click to expand...

So are you for equal gay rights or not?
 
T

teiresias

Member
You said you knew him a year right?
Click to expand...

We actually went to the same high school and he knew my younger brother. We didn't know each other in high school though he knew of me. About three years later we actually met and hung out a bit, then I got really busy and we didn't see each other for another year, though we talked often enough, until this summer when all of this other stuff started happening, where we went out clubbing together a few times and some other stuff and then slept together.
 
K

kitchenmotors

Banned
It's hard to go from being friends into a sexual/emotional relationship and then try to jump into dating. You sort of already carry baggage before dating, and that puts strain on your friendship and makes things awkward.

I've been in the same position, and it does suck. I'm still friends with the guy, but it's difficult sometimes.
 
W

White Man

Member
Diablos said:
SO much irony in that post... if what you say is true why is it that banning gay marriage pisses you homosexuals off? It sounds like most people in the gay community don't want to be tied down to the same person.
Click to expand...

I fail to see the irony. It would only be ironic if I were a strong proponent for gay marriage. I really don't care one way or the other.

EDIT: All other things mentally being the same, if only my sexual orientation were changed, I would still plan on living my life alone. If I were inclined to be religious, I'd likely be the sort of person that ends up living in a distant monastery. That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea, anyways. Are there any sort of secular 'monasteries?'

EDIT 2: Also, it's not like it isn't prevalent among straight people around my age.

there is no logical way he can bag on me for slutty behavior, given his own, not in a million years, and he knows that very well,
Click to expand...

And NOBODY ever has illogical double standards, right?
 
S

Spiritreaver

Member
I'm sorry to hear this teiresias. I'm with the idea of trying to stay friends with him if this relationship doesn't work out. I'm still unsure about the "leading you on" part, so I dunno. Just take it as goes, if he wants a relationship it's all working out, if not, try to stay friends, this will be hard. I've fallen for a lot of friends... and you know what, just trying to keep that friendship afterwards is nearly impossible with some people. I've only felt comfortable with it once, and that's just because they guy seemed to be exactly the same to me afterwards and it went away. But if you can't get that, then I just wish you the best of luck, you'll get over it in due time I hope, just hang in there.

Funny though, I think I'm going to end up in the same boat. Falling for people I'm good friends with, but just not going to get a relationship with for one reason or another. It's terribly frustrating. I haven't lost all hope though, someday I'll find someone. Heh.
 
way more

way more

Member
White Man said:
EDIT: All other things mentally being the same, if only my sexual orientation were changed, I would still plan on living my life alone. If I were inclined to be religious, I'd likely be the sort of person that ends up living in a distant monastery. That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea, anyways. Are there any sort of secular 'monasteries?'
Click to expand...

I think you're setting your self up for one hell of a failure.

Announcing your plans is a good way to hear god laugh.” —Al Swearengen
 
T

Truelize

Steroid Distributor
Sex before commitment is always dangerous regardless of the type of relationship. It's very easy to misinterpret sex for love.
It's very likely that you had feelings for him and wanted to be with him and he just thought you were comfortable enough to get in bed without any strings attached.
 
S

Suerte

Member
Sounds like something that happened to me a month or so ago. It's hard but I've decided it'd be best just to not stay in contact with him, although he still has my fucking DVDs and I've to go get them from him, he won't bring them to me, he's a cunt like that.
 
F

FoneBone

Member
Adding to the gayngst here: the thread title pretty much describes how I felt tonight, but for entirely different reasons. I don't know if I should derail the thread by going into it, though.
 
F

fart

Savant
FoneBone said:
Adding to the gayngst here: the thread title pretty much describes how I felt tonight, but for entirely different reasons. I don't know if I should derail the thread by going into it, though.
Click to expand...
DO IT
 
F

FoneBone

Member
Well, I'm kinda just venting here. I've already met a lot of the gay freshmen on campus thanks to various events. Tonight was the first big gay-oriented dance (the school is liberal enough that a shitload of straight people show up, too). Being someone who is extremely socially awkward in general... well, watching people dancing making out and thinking that I could, and should, be doing that if I actually could summon the nerve to ask someone (or, hell, had any idea how to approach someone)... well, it doesn't do wonders for one's self-esteem.
 
N

norinrad21

Banned
Jeez so you basically went through the same crap some of us straight guys go through with meeting women, I know it hurts and all but hey you will get over it. Theres no need for that am going to be alone forever nonsense, we all need someone. He wasn`t the right guy for you .

anyway this whole thing is weird and i have no idea why i repllied to this thread

My life sucks, but my love life rocks somewhat.
 
A

Alucard

Banned
fart said:
it's ok dudes, y'all can join the dying alone club. we have snacks.
Click to expand...

I call dibs on the fuzzy peaches.

Best of luck with this, Teiresias. Relationships can get extremely weird really quickly. I've had a few girls do total 180s in terms of their attitude towards me, and it does suck when you're looking for an explanation and there's not one readily available. It's hard to move on, but nowhere near impossible.
 
J

JackFrost2012

Banned
eggplant said:
Did he change your avatar too?
Click to expand...

Mike changed my name once, too. Deprecating tags are all fun and games, but changing names crosses the line for mod behavior imo. Having said that, I'm sure my name's next on the chopping block. HI MIKE WE LOVE YOU
 
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