-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Life sucks and I'm going to be alone forever
- Thread starter teiresias
- Start date
- Status
I'm 25 and he's 23. After talking to some other friends they seem to of the concensus that the "If we hadn't fucked immediately I'd date you" is just a cop-out line, because nearly all of them have used it at one time or another when it's not true.
As a favor to someone that has very little actual dating experience, what exactly is different about seeing someone alot when you're officially dating and just seeing your friends alot?
Journeywalker
Member
Intentional or not, "Dan" wanted you to see that he was holding hands with this other guy. If he's not completely oblivious, he knew you'd care that he held the other guy's hand instead of yours. Chances are, he sensed that you saw the relationship as something bigger than he did, and he didn't have the balls to tell you that he didn't see the relationship the same way. I can empathize because I constantly find myself in undefined relationships with guys. Usually, they do the shittiest things (and make up the worst lies) when they're too afraid to say what's on their mind, so the best thing to do is usually to get them to say what's really on their mind.
Urgh, from the sounds of it, I'm not hopeful for finding a decent guy. The same thing happened to me that happened to most of you. We had been friends for about a year, then one night kind of slept together but then a few weeks later I came down with a rash so naturally I thought "oh oh" but I got it checked out and it was fine. So a few weeks later I invited him to a party where we slept together again and then I saw him pretty much every second day for the next three weeks, but we'd do stuff like hold hands in the cinema, watch dvds together and he'd hug me while we were in bed. But everytime I asked him what was going on he'd be like "why does it have to be so black and white" - which probably should have been my first clue that he was an asshole. Then one week I asked when we could meet up again and he said "I'm busy working all week" and that was pretty much it. And now he has my DVDs and expects me to go and get them from him. Oh, and also, apparently he's seeing someone else now.
Comfort_Eagle
Banned
MrPing1000 said:
Oy. So true. That sentence is scary.
To the original poster, i wish i could offer advice, but i doubt i will be much help.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Sorry to hear about the situation, tier, but I wouldn't feel too bad. At least you've had relationships, and I doubt you have to worry about being alone forever.
I'd happily switch places with you...
I'd happily switch places with you...
enjoy bell woods
Banned
I feel the same way. I've barely made a new friend in like three or four years.FoneBone said:
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Christ, we should start a clubhouse or something.
At this point in my life, having virtually no experience in the social or sexual sense compounded with fairly crippling esteem and confidence issues means that I am, for the most part, screwed. I'm fine at work, but when invited to gatherings and whatnot by people outside of my tiny circle of longtime friends, I just can't do it. My excuses are so commonplace now that co-workers just grin and say something like, "He won't hang out with us because we scare him!," which isn't that far from the truth.
All of this is made even more frustrating by my inability to be honest about my sexuality with anyone...
Comfort_Eagle
Banned
Hotarubi said:Christ, we should start a clubhouse or something.
At this point in my life, having virtually no experience in the social or sexual sense compounded with fairly crippling esteem and confidence issues means that I am, for the most part, screwed. I'm fine at work, but when invited to gatherings and whatnot by people outside of my tiny circle of longtime friends, I just can't do it. My excuses are so commonplace now that co-workers just grin and say something like, "He won't hang out with us because we scare him!," which isn't that far from the truth.
All of this is made even more frustrating by my inability to be honest about my sexuality with anyone...
Hey, its Hotarubi! I remember you from the old boards, where I think i was known as pthagonal. Anyway, i doubt you remember me but i always liked your movie and music threads.
But you sound a lot like me also. And it really does get harder as you get older. It really sucks to be very socially retarded. Some part of me wants to believe i will work everything out eventually, but most of me feels like you said....screwed.
enjoy bell woods
Banned
I hate to be boring, but that middle section describes me to a tee. I get so close to having relationships with people, but I get too scared when anything close to what I want starts to happen. From that point on, everything just seems to fizzle away.Hotarubi said:Christ, we should start a clubhouse or something.
At this point in my life, having virtually no experience in the social or sexual sense compounded with fairly crippling esteem and confidence issues means that I am, for the most part, screwed. I'm fine at work, but when invited to gatherings and whatnot by people outside of my tiny circle of longtime friends, I just can't do it. My excuses are so commonplace now that co-workers just grin and say something like, "He won't hang out with us because we scare him!," which isn't that far from the truth.
All of this is made even more frustrating by my inability to be honest about my sexuality with anyone...
Shit, that sounds familiar. Sad thing is, I've "changed" since then, but it feels like it's too late. I'm now in an apartment, for the most part out of college, so it seems virtually impossible for me to make friends and meet girls and whatnot, especially considering my lack of experience during the time that should have been the social pinnacle of my life.Hotarubi said:Christ, we should start a clubhouse or something.
At this point in my life, having virtually no experience in the social or sexual sense compounded with fairly crippling esteem and confidence issues means that I am, for the most part, screwed. I'm fine at work, but when invited to gatherings and whatnot by people outside of my tiny circle of longtime friends, I just can't do it. My excuses are so commonplace now that co-workers just grin and say something like, "He won't hang out with us because we scare him!," which isn't that far from the truth.
All of this is made even more frustrating by my inability to be honest about my sexuality with anyone...
I'll be 23 in a couple weeks btw.
Like a fool I just checked "Dan's" online profile at gay.com, and it says it was updated on Friday. The only thing I see that probably has changed is that under relationship status I think it used to say "single" but now it says, "trying to catch a catch", no doubt referring to this new guy, since I'm obviously not a catch enough
I just keep finding ways to depress myself even more.
I just keep finding ways to depress myself even more.
This thread almost makes me want to tell my relationship story. I won't though. It makes me uncomfortable. Let me give a vague modernist breakdown of themes though: Naive boy serendipitously meets other boy. Relationship begins. Other Boy's hyper-religious family go insane. Relationship continues. Hyper-religious family moves far away (N. Carolina, I believe) and effectively cuts other boy out of their family. Relationship continues as other boy slides into horrible depression. White Man gets bored and leaves.
Actually, there was a bit more drama towards the end, but that's the part that makes me uncomfortable and embarassed. I never found out what happened to that guy. I think about him sometimes and wonder whether all that was just a waste of my time and energy. A lot of crap for nothing. I could've channeled all that emotional energy into my writing, which needed the help during the time.
I also have a story involving hooking up with my roommate at a frat party. Ahhhhh, college!
Actually, there was a bit more drama towards the end, but that's the part that makes me uncomfortable and embarassed. I never found out what happened to that guy. I think about him sometimes and wonder whether all that was just a waste of my time and energy. A lot of crap for nothing. I could've channeled all that emotional energy into my writing, which needed the help during the time.
I also have a story involving hooking up with my roommate at a frat party. Ahhhhh, college!
videogamer
Banned
White Man said:
Come on, follow teiresias' lead and tell us more details. The stories posted on this thread have been really interesting so far.
"As a favor to someone that has very little actual dating experience, what exactly is different about seeing someone alot when you're officially dating and just seeing your friends alot?"
There really isn't a difference outside of the emotional involvement. Sounds like you fell into the all too common 'trap' you see all over the gay community. Two people meet, they hit it off, things happen, one takes it more seriously than the other.
Simple fact is this, *before* you have sex you need to decide if this person is a friend, or if this person is someone you actually would like to persue. Because once there's sex involved it changes the way people view each other.
For the record the guy is definitely blowing you off, and the fact that he can't give you a straight answer means that he isn't worth it. It's not really a blanket rule, and there are exceptions, but in my experience guys under 24 don't know what the fuck they want.
There really isn't a difference outside of the emotional involvement. Sounds like you fell into the all too common 'trap' you see all over the gay community. Two people meet, they hit it off, things happen, one takes it more seriously than the other.
Simple fact is this, *before* you have sex you need to decide if this person is a friend, or if this person is someone you actually would like to persue. Because once there's sex involved it changes the way people view each other.
For the record the guy is definitely blowing you off, and the fact that he can't give you a straight answer means that he isn't worth it. It's not really a blanket rule, and there are exceptions, but in my experience guys under 24 don't know what the fuck they want.
"At this point in my life, having virtually no experience in the social or sexual sense compounded with fairly crippling esteem and confidence issues means that I am, for the most part, screwed. I'm fine at work, but when invited to gatherings and whatnot by people outside of my tiny circle of longtime friends, I just can't do it. My excuses are so commonplace now that co-workers just grin and say something like, "He won't hang out with us because we scare him!," which isn't that far from the truth."
The only way around that is when you get invited to something, just fucking go. Being uncomfortable with other people just means you're uncomfortable with yourself so you tend to abstract that.
I had the same problem until I just got so bored with never going out that not being bored was more important than being uncomfortable. Eventually you'll get used to it though and it gets easier.
The only way around that is when you get invited to something, just fucking go. Being uncomfortable with other people just means you're uncomfortable with yourself so you tend to abstract that.
I had the same problem until I just got so bored with never going out that not being bored was more important than being uncomfortable. Eventually you'll get used to it though and it gets easier.
enjoy bell woods
Banned
To quote Black Box Recorder's "Child Psychology": "Life is unfair. Kill yourself or get over it."
That's about all I can tell myself these days.
That's about all I can tell myself these days.
Take this advice, Hota. Chances are that much like myself, you're not as pathetic socially as you believe. I bet you think things over far too much. I know a lot of duders like that -- they've spent so much time ruminating in their own heads that they feel uncomfortable when they have to interact with the world.
Vark said:
That's good advice as long as you don't do a half-assed job and keep quiet the whole time, since you don't know most of the people and you don't have the courage to take the initiative. That's what used to happen to me whenever I forced myself to go to parties where I didn't know most of the people.
Thankfully, I was able to change myself, and I'm much more comfortable being with strangers now than I was before.
And forcing yourself to go out, like it or not, was a catalyst for this personal change. The first couple times, you'll always be wary, waiting for things to go awkward and wrong. Later, once it's realised that will not happen, the lad will start to open up. You have to climb out of those profound depths. . .there's no easy way to get over internal personal battles.
What I meant to say is that just forcing myself to go to those parties did not work, since I'd be feeling miserable the whole time, thinking how I should've just stayed home and watched TV or played some videogames.
I stopped forcing myself for a while, restricting myself to the small circle of friends I have. It's only after I'd done some research and experimentation that I understood why I was feeling that way and how to improve myself. Only after that was I able to go to big parties with a lot of strangers and actually have fun.
I stopped forcing myself for a while, restricting myself to the small circle of friends I have. It's only after I'd done some research and experimentation that I understood why I was feeling that way and how to improve myself. Only after that was I able to go to big parties with a lot of strangers and actually have fun.
ErasureAcer
Banned
Hey. I've really only been on 1 date my entire life. And that was last thursday.
I brought up politics and we got into a squabble about that, mostly the death penalty(i'm against, she's for it)...plus she's like super rich and travels around and has no time for me.
So yeah, that probably won't work out even if we could get past some differences in opinion.
If anyone is going to be alone forever on this board, it is me. BTW I'm 22, almost 23(less than 4 months away). Sad.
I brought up politics and we got into a squabble about that, mostly the death penalty(i'm against, she's for it)...plus she's like super rich and travels around and has no time for me.
So yeah, that probably won't work out even if we could get past some differences in opinion.
If anyone is going to be alone forever on this board, it is me. BTW I'm 22, almost 23(less than 4 months away). Sad.
ErasureAcer said:
Okay, I may only be 20, but the only date I thought I've ever been on was with this girl who I've discovered has gotten a boyfriend over the summer, so that completely nullifies the fact that I went on a date with her in April. I'm sure that as the years pass, I will surpass you and demon as the heavyweight champion of GAF's loveless brigade.
LAUGH MY ASS OFF. You talked politics...the DEATH PENALTY....on a first date? Hell, I've never been on a date, much less in a relationship, and I know not to do that. And btw, I'm 22, almost 23 too ( in a couple weeks).ErasureAcer said:
by the way, boogie, welcome to the wondurfal world of alcohol. It'll keep you company on those cold and lonely nights, and the best part, you can fuck the bottle when you're done! Just use lots and lots of lube....I learned that the hard (and jaggy) way.
videogamer
Banned
HalfPastNoon said:
Some of us plan to die lonely. It's kind of moot to think about finding friends/having a social life when the end has already been decided.
ErasureAcer
Banned
Yeah, I know I wasn't supposed to talk politics on a first date(knew this before hand)...but I'm very political. I couldn't resist.
In the end it really doesn't matter anways...this girl is never fucking around anyways. I had to wait 3 months just to go on this date(we met at a wedding. Me a friend of the groom, her a friend of the bride) because she was off travelling around. Now she is gone again for a month and a half. Really, I had nothing to lose.
I really don't conform to society's ways of thinking on things. Hey, at least it'll be a date she won't forget anytime soon. I also did make her a rose(out of green pipe cleaners, green felt for the leaves and red consturction paper with hearts on them). We've talked a couple times by email since then and well...yeah I don't think I'm completely out of the running yet...
I like to tackle things head on...and I really don't see the point of dancing around the bush on things that matter to me, like the end of the death penalty. So yeah, would any smart dater do what I did? No. Am I happy I did it and now know where she stands? Yes.
Really, I'm just being myself...if she doesn't like me for who I am and what I do on dates...oh well. Not the end of the world. There are only another 3 billion women out there, right? We did talk about other things BTW...it wasn't all politics. =)
In the end it really doesn't matter anways...this girl is never fucking around anyways. I had to wait 3 months just to go on this date(we met at a wedding. Me a friend of the groom, her a friend of the bride) because she was off travelling around. Now she is gone again for a month and a half. Really, I had nothing to lose.
I really don't conform to society's ways of thinking on things. Hey, at least it'll be a date she won't forget anytime soon. I also did make her a rose(out of green pipe cleaners, green felt for the leaves and red consturction paper with hearts on them). We've talked a couple times by email since then and well...yeah I don't think I'm completely out of the running yet...
I like to tackle things head on...and I really don't see the point of dancing around the bush on things that matter to me, like the end of the death penalty. So yeah, would any smart dater do what I did? No. Am I happy I did it and now know where she stands? Yes.
Really, I'm just being myself...if she doesn't like me for who I am and what I do on dates...oh well. Not the end of the world. There are only another 3 billion women out there, right? We did talk about other things BTW...it wasn't all politics. =)
videogamer
Banned
BuddyChrist83 said:
Why fight it? Getting into grad school is time consuming enough. I have other priorities in life. The only use I have for "friends" is for homework/labs/etc. Trust me, it feels a lot better know thinking about why I'm so lonely all the time.
Spiritreaver
Member
It's nice to know I'm not alone in the boat, but my outlook on life is different. I feel that I'm not going to go on many dates or have many relationships. My outlook on things seem slike I'll run into that chance guy and things will go like that. Yeah, it's silly, but you know what, it really makes things a lot easier to deal with for me. I don't come home all the time wondering why I'm alone as often. I just know my day will come and that makes me happy. I'd rather not have to deal with many people, actually.
I haven't had a single "real" relationship. A bunch of crushes, and confessions online, and one offline. A one online relationship which I tried with all my might to take outside the online world, but the guy just wouldn't budge and I then found out he was actually a faker, hah figures.
But alas, I'll turn alright I know. I'm not sociable, but that's just me. I don't want to be open, it' snot how I am offline. I prefer people to be inquisitive of me and ask me things. I may be loud mouthed online, but this is only because it's nice to be that way without all the personal interaction. So meh, I'll find that person in due time. I just would rather not make it a huge ordeal, it makes it easier to deal with.
I haven't had a single "real" relationship. A bunch of crushes, and confessions online, and one offline. A one online relationship which I tried with all my might to take outside the online world, but the guy just wouldn't budge and I then found out he was actually a faker, hah figures.
But alas, I'll turn alright I know. I'm not sociable, but that's just me. I don't want to be open, it' snot how I am offline. I prefer people to be inquisitive of me and ask me things. I may be loud mouthed online, but this is only because it's nice to be that way without all the personal interaction. So meh, I'll find that person in due time. I just would rather not make it a huge ordeal, it makes it easier to deal with.
The thing with me is I might people in the chat room and I'm really good with conversation in the chat room for the most part, but I'm horrible at it in real-life. *sigh*
Anyway, saw "Dan" on AIM last night after trying to call him after work. He'd been asleep all day since he'd taken pain medication and stuff since he was really hurting. Anyway, I was wanting to take his camera back and talk to him but he said he was planning on just going back to bed since he was still in pain. I said, "Ok, well I don't want you in pain." Then he said something like, "That could have sarcasm . . . or could not . . . in any case, goodnight, see ya."
Great, now he's mad at me.
Anyway, saw "Dan" on AIM last night after trying to call him after work. He'd been asleep all day since he'd taken pain medication and stuff since he was really hurting. Anyway, I was wanting to take his camera back and talk to him but he said he was planning on just going back to bed since he was still in pain. I said, "Ok, well I don't want you in pain." Then he said something like, "That could have sarcasm . . . or could not . . . in any case, goodnight, see ya."
Great, now he's mad at me.
Escape Goat
Member
This is what happens with almost every gay man. Relationships are built on sex and then they try to fit in relationship things. Theres no one to blame but yourself for allowing yourself to have a gay relationship. This is why I don't date. All the guys want sex and give blowjobs like its the official homosexual handshake. Ugh.
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked