I played up to the 20-hour mark, where I saved Princess Leia and use the win button against Darth Vader and escaped the Star Destroyer.
Of course, the problem there is that that's, like, the THIRD important thing to happen in the story. Listen, I can roll with slow-paced RPGs (I love the Dragon Quests, Final Fantasy VIII, etc.) but I can play through entire GAMES (some of them RPGs, some of them multiple times) through the time-space between ANYTHING of importance in FFXII, all bets are off.
And what happens between all that shit? Grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. Anything in a shop that's of any use is criminally overpriced, so get yer ass out there. Which isn't to dungeons where I've actually had to do multiple fucking runs just because my fucking level was too low. Oh what fun? I mean, except for the parts which you can just blow away using Quickenings. I killed a major boss just through one of the fuckers. Yes, I know FFVIII had the GF problem too, but it wasn't even close to being THIS broken. I also hear of bosses that can arbitrarily turn invincible for a limited period of time...not to mention that the game REALLY fucks you over unless you keep up with the overpowered Hunts. yay
And it's not like the battles are interesting either. Fuck you, Gambits. FFXII's fanboys jack off to this shit and extoll its virtues over the now-unplayable RPGs because you have to repeatedly hit X or some shit. Man, fuck that. At least those games MAKE you hit a button and show some actual signs of life, compared to this shit where you're playing it by fucking analog stick and it's not like Katamari Damacy or anything, where I can cool shit with just the sticks. Wonderful, assholes, it's a really wonderful game, about fucking walking.
And it's not like the locales are that interesting either. The dungeons are like less interesting versions of the shit from Phantasy Star Online, the same couple of corridors with different textures. Exploration is pretty-much a giant farce thanks to the randomized treasures and completely arbitrary way of getting the best weapon(s?) which makes the bullshit from the past few single-player FFs seem like masterfully made brain-teasers by comparison.
I used to give the game props for its artstyle at least...till I realized something. Unlike Final Fantasies of past, this game isn't really LIKE Star Wars; it IS Star Wars. Watch the fucking opening...and then pop in a DVD of Revenge of the Sith, holy fuck! George Lucas should be suing a mother fucker by now. Compare all the fucking towns (I've heard about the Archadian Senate btw) to the fucking movies. Sorry, Matsuno, but I already have Knights of the Old Republic kthx.
Oh yeah, the story is kinda irrelevant too and there's absolutely no urgency to the game whatsoever. Yeah, the lol evil empire is in ur country rapin ur culture, but not really. Laguna doesn't really take me as a particularly threatening villain. Maybe it's because I keep thinking he'll just get a leg cramp when I try to fight him, or maybe it's because he scores a 0.3 on the manliness scale (this is actually fairly impressive for an FF villain). Actually, in all those 20 hours there wasn't any real reason I felt I should be fighting the bad guys. I mean, I'm not saying make them a cliche but it seems Ashe was trying to get her throne back...because she could? Because the Archadians would make the Dalmascans pay more property taxes?
PS: Balthier is overrated. Yes, he's better than most of the characters as he's neither annoying (Vaan) or annoyingly vague (practically everyone else) but I've found much better Han Solo rip-offs everywhere, and when one such example I can pull out comes from fucking FIREFLY, your ass is in some serious shit.
I DID like Basch, though, whom I heard was originally gonna be the hero till the JP animu fanboys whined and kvetched. But maybe it's just as well, judging from Final Fantasy Tactics, he'll just be some child-molesting Catholic priest by the end of the game.
Fuck, even Sakimoto dropped the ball on this shit. Or maybe he didn't, as his soundtracks tend to fit the atmosphere of the game perfectly (check FFT or Gradius V for this). The game was epicly boring, so he made an epicly boring soundtrack. Shit, he even made Battle with Gilgamesh sound overly bombastic and a little dull, which is perversely impressive.
I can find hardly anything of substance that XII got even remotely right. Everywhere I turn, there's something that I look at, shake my head and wonder what kinda dope you have to be on to think this was anywhere even REMOTELY close to a good, fun idea.
In the name of full disclosure, I'm usually enamored with the unwieldly FFs that nobody else likes (FFVIII, X-2 too). I was expecting to enjoy XII immensely based on these grounds, especially since its the first FF in years that whose title didn't end in "Seven." But this has gotta be the single worst RPG I've ever played.
I never completed it and have recently sold my copy so I could preorder MGS4, which I'll probably like when I get to play it in 10 years.
But seriously, I haven't had a single regret about excising it from my collection, especially since the demonic chanting every night stopped since.
Fuck Yasumi Matsuno. I'm gonna fucking say it. He's a fucking hack. Final Fantasy Tactics was somehow fun if severely flawed, and Vagrant Story being unplayable may have been a fluke but FFXII lays that shit all for bear. And yes, I entirely blame him despite the departure shit because I've PLAYED Vagrant Story and realize he has a hard-on for making his games laughably bad. So fuck him, fuck his Ye Olde Englishe which is supposed to somehow make me think his bullshit is mature or at least well above the peasant masses and their silly animu RPGs, and fuck his sick, sorry, sad bullshit-ass games.
Or to put it more succinctly, I would rather perform cunnilingus on the rotting corpse of Ayn Rand, eating every last maggot in that thing while a silverback gorilla rapes me up the ass than ever, Ever, EVER play another second of Final Fantasy XII.
Of course, the problem there is that that's, like, the THIRD important thing to happen in the story. Listen, I can roll with slow-paced RPGs (I love the Dragon Quests, Final Fantasy VIII, etc.) but I can play through entire GAMES (some of them RPGs, some of them multiple times) through the time-space between ANYTHING of importance in FFXII, all bets are off.
And what happens between all that shit? Grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. Anything in a shop that's of any use is criminally overpriced, so get yer ass out there. Which isn't to dungeons where I've actually had to do multiple fucking runs just because my fucking level was too low. Oh what fun? I mean, except for the parts which you can just blow away using Quickenings. I killed a major boss just through one of the fuckers. Yes, I know FFVIII had the GF problem too, but it wasn't even close to being THIS broken. I also hear of bosses that can arbitrarily turn invincible for a limited period of time...not to mention that the game REALLY fucks you over unless you keep up with the overpowered Hunts. yay
And it's not like the battles are interesting either. Fuck you, Gambits. FFXII's fanboys jack off to this shit and extoll its virtues over the now-unplayable RPGs because you have to repeatedly hit X or some shit. Man, fuck that. At least those games MAKE you hit a button and show some actual signs of life, compared to this shit where you're playing it by fucking analog stick and it's not like Katamari Damacy or anything, where I can cool shit with just the sticks. Wonderful, assholes, it's a really wonderful game, about fucking walking.
And it's not like the locales are that interesting either. The dungeons are like less interesting versions of the shit from Phantasy Star Online, the same couple of corridors with different textures. Exploration is pretty-much a giant farce thanks to the randomized treasures and completely arbitrary way of getting the best weapon(s?) which makes the bullshit from the past few single-player FFs seem like masterfully made brain-teasers by comparison.
I used to give the game props for its artstyle at least...till I realized something. Unlike Final Fantasies of past, this game isn't really LIKE Star Wars; it IS Star Wars. Watch the fucking opening...and then pop in a DVD of Revenge of the Sith, holy fuck! George Lucas should be suing a mother fucker by now. Compare all the fucking towns (I've heard about the Archadian Senate btw) to the fucking movies. Sorry, Matsuno, but I already have Knights of the Old Republic kthx.
Oh yeah, the story is kinda irrelevant too and there's absolutely no urgency to the game whatsoever. Yeah, the lol evil empire is in ur country rapin ur culture, but not really. Laguna doesn't really take me as a particularly threatening villain. Maybe it's because I keep thinking he'll just get a leg cramp when I try to fight him, or maybe it's because he scores a 0.3 on the manliness scale (this is actually fairly impressive for an FF villain). Actually, in all those 20 hours there wasn't any real reason I felt I should be fighting the bad guys. I mean, I'm not saying make them a cliche but it seems Ashe was trying to get her throne back...because she could? Because the Archadians would make the Dalmascans pay more property taxes?
PS: Balthier is overrated. Yes, he's better than most of the characters as he's neither annoying (Vaan) or annoyingly vague (practically everyone else) but I've found much better Han Solo rip-offs everywhere, and when one such example I can pull out comes from fucking FIREFLY, your ass is in some serious shit.
I DID like Basch, though, whom I heard was originally gonna be the hero till the JP animu fanboys whined and kvetched. But maybe it's just as well, judging from Final Fantasy Tactics, he'll just be some child-molesting Catholic priest by the end of the game.
Fuck, even Sakimoto dropped the ball on this shit. Or maybe he didn't, as his soundtracks tend to fit the atmosphere of the game perfectly (check FFT or Gradius V for this). The game was epicly boring, so he made an epicly boring soundtrack. Shit, he even made Battle with Gilgamesh sound overly bombastic and a little dull, which is perversely impressive.
I can find hardly anything of substance that XII got even remotely right. Everywhere I turn, there's something that I look at, shake my head and wonder what kinda dope you have to be on to think this was anywhere even REMOTELY close to a good, fun idea.
In the name of full disclosure, I'm usually enamored with the unwieldly FFs that nobody else likes (FFVIII, X-2 too). I was expecting to enjoy XII immensely based on these grounds, especially since its the first FF in years that whose title didn't end in "Seven." But this has gotta be the single worst RPG I've ever played.
I never completed it and have recently sold my copy so I could preorder MGS4, which I'll probably like when I get to play it in 10 years.
But seriously, I haven't had a single regret about excising it from my collection, especially since the demonic chanting every night stopped since.
Fuck Yasumi Matsuno. I'm gonna fucking say it. He's a fucking hack. Final Fantasy Tactics was somehow fun if severely flawed, and Vagrant Story being unplayable may have been a fluke but FFXII lays that shit all for bear. And yes, I entirely blame him despite the departure shit because I've PLAYED Vagrant Story and realize he has a hard-on for making his games laughably bad. So fuck him, fuck his Ye Olde Englishe which is supposed to somehow make me think his bullshit is mature or at least well above the peasant masses and their silly animu RPGs, and fuck his sick, sorry, sad bullshit-ass games.
Or to put it more succinctly, I would rather perform cunnilingus on the rotting corpse of Ayn Rand, eating every last maggot in that thing while a silverback gorilla rapes me up the ass than ever, Ever, EVER play another second of Final Fantasy XII.
.
