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WCW Monday Nitro 3/19/2001
It's official: Bischoff's deal fell through because Time Warner was canceling WCW effective March 27th. This is the last full week of operation for WCW. Let's keep in mind that everyone realized they were getting fired in a week. Either guys were going to phone it in hardcore or they were going to work really hard in hopes they'd go to the WWF soon.
The show starts out with a tribute to DDP's career, which is Taps playing over images of an American flag superimposed over a trailer park. Lol.
Scott Steiner, Animal, YAK, and Ric come to the ring. We're also going to get a live call from Eric Bischoff tonight. Scott was just saving DDP for last. Flair says that he and Jarrett beat the Rhodes Family. Dustin and Dusty show up on the Nitro Vision. Flair will be kissing some ass tonight.
Steiner wants Dusty to come to the ring. Instead, Booker T. comes out. "The Man" told Booker to tell Steiner to be in the ring in an hour.
EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE. DDP being taken out of Greed was shown.
TO THE BUFF CAM. Buff and Animal watch the tape from last night, but it didn't catch who laid Buff out. They need to figure it out TODAY. I hope this isn't revealed OR is revealed to be Mean Gene, pissed that he doesn't get to do interviews anymore. They want the camera man to follow Lex all night.
Jason Jett vs Disco
Disco and Alex broke up on Thunder, and Mike Sanders filled in. Now they're best bros. It works, because they both look like douche bags and are pretty average in the ring.
Sitout powerbomb from EZ, but then Sanders gets involved. EZ's tights say Skyfire, which was his pre-ECW name. Tony says it is because he likes to do high flying moves. He really doesn't, but he couldn't afford to get new tights made that didn't have EZ Money on them. He had crazy height on his handspring elbow, though.
Jett wins with the Crash Landing. He's on a roll! 3-0. He's the next Goldberg.
They hype Bischoff's major announcement, but it's not major enough for him to actually be there in person for it.
TO THE BUFF CAM. Camera man was looking for Lex, but saw Jeff and Ric arguing.
Shane Helms vs Kidman WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Shane offers Kidman a title shot that he deserved for getting taken out of the match at Superbrawl and pinning Chavo. Shane needed to beat Kidman to feel like he was a legitimate champion. Shane hits a big plancha and cross body. Holy shit, KIDMAN CAN'T POWERBOMB SHANE. What a SWERVE. Tony says next week is the "season finale" of Nitro. What he meant was "series finale".
Shane wins with a Vertebreaker that looked really gross, but I couldn't really see Kidman's head. The crowd gasped at it, though. Chavo attacks after the match. Elix and Romeo help. Kidman makes a save. This was too short.
TO THE BUFF CAM. Camera man finds Lex down and out.
TO THE BACK. Bam Bam is pissed about losing last night. He gets a rematch tonight. Bam Bam called Stasiak "Mega Man".
TO THE BUFF CAM. Animal and Buff check on Lex. Animal is sick of this shit. They think it might be Rick.
The Mecca of Manhood Shawn "The Star" Stasiak vs Bam Bam Big Yellow
Stacy comes out and won't dance. MOMSS. No one wanted to see this on Greed, so I don't know why they thought anyone would want to see it again. Bam Bam wins with the Greetings from Asbury Park. Meat will put anything on the line for a rematch. Bam Bam agrees and if he wins, he'll get to tattoo Shawn. He could have picked a night with Stacy or something, but he wants to tattoo Stasiak instead.
Scott Steiner and Booker T come to the ring. It appears we have a contract signing. The Red Rooster is also in the ring. Eric Bischoff makes his phone call sounding about as sad as a man can sound. This is so awkward. The crowd is completely silent, the wrestlers look bummed, and Eric is talking about how he tried to buy WCW and things haven't fallen through, and that next week's Nitro will be the last wrestling show on the Turner networks, and probably the last Nitro ever. Because of this, he's making next week's Nitro a Night of Champions, starting with Steiner vs Booker in a double title match. He also invites any former champion to come to the show. Ric Flair will also be kissing ass tonight.
Bischoff can't order him around. He just said he couldn't get the deal done, so he has no power. Steiner hits Booker in the knee with his pipe and then takes out a never ending line of security. He even chokeslams one through the table. Book makes a comeback, but Steiner bails before he can get hit with his own pipe. This whole thing was weird. Eric sounded so defeated. It was actually kind of hard to listen to. Not that he was breaking up or anything, but his soul sounded crushed. Even weirder was the crowd being completely silent. It was like a death announcement or something. I guess it was, actually.
TO THE BUFF CAM. Buff talks to Jeff and Ric. He and Animal are convinced that Rick is the culprit.
Kanyon vs SMOOV
I can't believe that WCW was about to do die, and they thought SMOOV the limo driver vs anyone was a good idea. Also, pushing Kanyon as the bad ass monster? Come on. I love Kanyon, but it's impossible to take him seriously as some hard ass. Maybe as Mortis and the first 6 months after, but after the Triad, Champag ne, and Positively Kanyon? Not a chance. That's playing against his strengths. Animals DDTs SMOOV. Cat comes out to make the save, but was too late. Cat makes a challenge for Cat/SMOOV vs Kanyon/Animal on Thunder.
TO THE BACK. Dustin gets more burritos for Dusty.
Rick Steiner vs Konnan
What the fuck, WCW. Why are you booking such a shitty show when you know this is one of your last? This feels like it lasted forever. Shane Douglas shows up to hit Rick with his cast, but he did it right in front of the ref, so the match is thrown out. Hugh comes out and saves Konnan after the match.
TO THE BUFF CAM. Animal, Lex, and Buff confront Rick about all the attacks. Rick is goign to change and he wants them out of his room.
TO THE BACK. Team Canada have a non-title match tonight. They're going to win the titles next.
TO THE BUFF CAM. Jeff and Ric are still freaking out about kissing ass.
Team Canada vs Palumbo/O'Haire
Lance and Chuck start out with some SMOOV moves, but Lance doesn't want any of O'Haire. Awesome comes in and gets kicked in the dome. There are some stiff shots in this. A lot of action, but not moves, per-say. Lance eats a superkick Van Daminator. Mike crushed a chair on the back of Chuck's head. It was gross. Awesome Bomb on Chuck for the win. Team Canada should get their title shot next week on Nitro.
Ric Flair and Jeff Jarrett come to the ring. Ric is a man of his word and will be making the right decision as CEO. He calls Dusty and his big white ass out. Dustin comes out. Dusty brings out his donkey with "Dusty's Ass" written on the ass.
Those burritos? The donkey ate them all. That's probably animal abuse, isn't it? Ric can't do it and wants Jeff to kiss the ass's ass. Ric and Jeff get into a fight only to SWERVE everyone and attack Dustin. Dusty gets in the ring and gives some elbows before getting hit in the balls. Flair and Jeff get their faces shoved in the ass' ass.
This definitely fell into the "We're getting canceled? Fuck it, just throw some shit out there, I need a nap" category. WCW not even trying to go out on a high note.
