Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Hello Gaf, junior here and long time lurker of this thread.

I guess my problem is that I feel like a weak-minded human being because there's people out there with real problems, people with real health issues, hell even people like yourself who had to deal with cancer, and yet you all move on with your life. I honestly don't have any "real" problems and I have no idea why I'm suffering from anxiety. I mean I've always had general anxiety caused by nothing, but now it's quite severe and I wish I knew what was causing it, which is making me feel even more anxious.

I identified myself with this post so much that I had the need to reply. I feel exactly like you. My problems aren't even real ones like you said. And when I think about all my problems I always think that there's someone out there with real issues, and that I shouldn't be depressed about my problems and it kind of actually makes me feel better.

The thing is, it's kinda like a vicious cycle. I think about my problems, think about other things that could have had happened to me that would be more serious and feel better. And then it repeats the next day. And the next. And the next.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. Simpler times. Happier times.
 
Found out my mom has cancer. She says there's a chance she just needs an operation as it may not have spread, but still...just the idea of losing my mom is almost too much to bear.

Nevermind that following the surgery, she'll be out of work for about two months. I'm still looking for a job and I feel awful that I may not be able to help out around here any time soon. Just praying I find something before the month is out.
I wish all the best for you mum and your family. It sounds like it was caught early though! Please keep us updated.

Went to see a career counselor at school, didn't go how I wanted it to. She wouldn't give me a chance to talk, she was friendly and talkative to a fault. Anecdote after anecdote. Ugh. Guess I'll try the probably bullshit test she suggested. I was hoping the counselor would point me to one of the more valid tests, but I guess that's beyond her.

On another note, I fucking hate group activities in class. Had one in my history class, didn't end up actually working with anyone. One group said I could join in, but when I went over there they didn't even try to include me. Always feels like no one wants to work with me.

I might be able to help you out, though it's been a few years since I have done any programming. >_>
Group activities can be really awkward especially when people already know each other. :(

And thank you! If I have any questions I'll let you know. I feel like I understand everything that's going on in class. Quizzes and tests just make me anxious as all hell.

What are you studying? I assumed you were a computer science major. :O
 
Group activities can be really awkward especially when people already know each other. :(

And thank you! If I have any questions I'll let you know. I feel like I understand everything that's going on in class. Quizzes and tests just make me anxious as all hell.

What are you studying? I assumed you were a computer science major. :O
Undeclared at the moment, might go back to computer science.
 
Haha, me too! This is getting weirder and weirder. Assendorp is toch de leukste wijk in Zwolle, dus logisch ;) Maybe you saw my flyers.

The missing cat thing? Probably, yeah. Seen a couple lately. This is getting kind of surreal. Where might we have seen eachother? Do you shop local?
 
The missing cat thing? Probably, yeah. Seen a couple lately. This is getting kind of surreal. Where might we have seen eachother? Do you shop local?

Yeah, cat flyer, but I've seen several as well.. I shop at the Jumbo, we could have seen each other almost everywhere, Zwolle is tiny! I presume you go out too?
 
I hate being asked "what's wrong?" when there isn't anything wrong. I'm sorry I don't look happy in my natural state.

Do you suffer from Resting Bitch Face?

sad-i-know-that-feel-bro-l.png
 
Are there any stories of people breaking free of depression and becoming a happy fun loving person on here ? I need some hope badly. Im really getting sick to death of the way I am. Pills dont help that much, just make me slightly less miserable. Im tired of being this miserable turd who has no idea about how to enjoy himself.

Anyone ?
 
Bad thing is it takes a lot for me to be looking/acting happy. I just don't open up like that often. Thus the neutral face is shown, which has been shaped from years and years of feeling shitty.

Ogs I'd like to think I've been making steady progress and genuinely feel happier more days than not. There are just certain circumstances that the past show through a bit I guess.
 
Are there any stories of people breaking free of depression and becoming a happy fun loving person on here ? I need some hope badly. Im really getting sick to death of the way I am. Pills dont help that much, just make me slightly less miserable. Im tired of being this miserable turd who has no idea about how to enjoy himself.

Anyone ?

I was in the absolute worse shape of anyone you could ever imagine around 6 months ago. Not a friend in the world. Lonely beyond all words. People probably thought I was a weird, crazy hermit. So I read a bunch of books and kept to myself.

This past week I've gotten two job offers from extremely nice companies (Nothing firm, mind you), and an internship offer from the Bloomburg Aptitude Test people to be a representative at my school.

Karma comes around: read, be polite to people who treat you like shit, and don't give up.
 
Are there any stories of people breaking free of depression and becoming a happy fun loving person on here ? I need some hope badly. Im really getting sick to death of the way I am. Pills dont help that much, just make me slightly less miserable. Im tired of being this miserable turd who has no idea about how to enjoy himself.

Anyone ?

It's not so simple as my being 'fixed'. I'm not fixed. My mood instability and mental health issues are an inseparable part of who I am. Without them I would not be me.

Rather, I've gotten better at keeping my head on straight. I know there's no way to 'win' so I don't worry about it as much. I see both the good and bad things my stripe if insanity does to my life. While I by no means enjoyed suffering from debilitating existentialism and panic attacks, they also brought my awareness to a whole realm of human perception I legitimately did not know existed. I didn't know people could feel like that. I didn't know perception could work like that or have that much power. It's sort of fascinating.

Medicine and therapy have helped tremendously, of course. I wouldn't be here without them. Things still get really awful from time to time. Right now I'm only at around a 5/10. But I've been happy, I'm able to be happy, and from all of this I've learned with some real clarity what it takes to make me happy.

I'm still afraid of my issues but not nearly as much. I know what makes me happy and I'm figuring out how to work towards it. It's a slow burn of ups and downs but when I look back at where I was a year ago, two years ago or three years ago it's pretty indisputable that I'm less worried and have more days of happiness and joy than I used to. It's a slow uphill grind, but it's happening.

And if I keep working at it, I know it'll keep trending uphill. I'll definitely crash at times. But I have a better idea of how to learn from it now.

I'm pretty sure I can be happier some day. I'm just not sure exactly when.

I don't feel like a total failure any more. I try my best to make others understand. If they don't, that's that.

So, for me, what has helped is:
therapy + medication + meditation = learning about yourself = being honest about your situation = learning where you can go = slowly, slowly climbing toward getting there

Sorry for the extremely disjointed post. Things haven't been quite as great lately and it takes a toll the sharpness of my cognition.

edit: more detail, if you care.
Three years ago I was so wracked with anxiety that I didn't leave my apartment for days at a time, was a total dick most of the time and had no idea what was going on. Or, on some level I knew, but I refused to admit it.
Two years ago I had gained a better knowledge but was cycling through tons of medications trying desperately to stabilize worsening mood instability problems. I ended up going into the hospital, dropping a few classes and changing my major because I could not function. Yet I wasn't suffering as much because I had a better idea of what was going on. I was honest with myself about my issues.
One year ago I was much more stable, had found a doctor who 'got it' and was dealing mostly with therapeutic issues and anxiety episodes. I finally was able to hold down a job and managed to graduate college a semester late (with a semi-useless degree but hey, better than nothing).
Nowadays I've got a much clearer idea of what my triggers are and where the line is between my biological issues and my behavioral issues. I was pretty unstable over the summer yet suffered a lot less than I used to. I don't fight myself as much. I've learned how to explain pretty clearly what goes on with me and usually manage to track down someone who can listen. I've made some close friends through opening up about my issues. Of course, I still freak out now and then. I had a patch where I completely hated myself, felt useless and didn't understand why anyone would ever want to be friends with me. Yet I was able to separate what I felt from what I thought - it didn't make the feelings go away but I was able to keep a small part of myself separated, just sitting with the feelings instead of fighting them or getting taken over.

During that episode a friend told me "your insanity is saner than most people's normal". That made me feel pretty good about the progress I've made.
 
Are there any stories of people breaking free of depression and becoming a happy fun loving person on here ? I need some hope badly. Im really getting sick to death of the way I am. Pills dont help that much, just make me slightly less miserable. Im tired of being this miserable turd who has no idea about how to enjoy himself.

Anyone ?

I'm not happy all the time and maybe not everyone would notice when I'm having fun and enjoying myself, as I've always been kind of introverted but I have found much success since I came to this OT community. Mind you, I take what is considered the lowest therapeutic dose of an SNRI (anti-depressant)/anxiety medication, exercise rather intensely, regularly and have been speaking to a counsellor lately to help take ownership of my emotions and have more control over their direction.

I have went from being miserable with my education and employment situation and having low self-esteem to having the guts to explore my options, learning to say no for my own sake, taking a part-time program with eventual great work prospects and working several jobs that allow me flexibility and the time-off I need.

I recently completed a 5 km run for charity and try to run 5km every other day after work. I've been looking to get involved in boxing/kick-boxing/martial arts and have been moving on from people in my life who are toxic to me or take up my time with drama that I want nothing to do with.

I've been reading a lot more for pleasure, and try to keep a daily log of positive things that I thought of or enjoyed that day, as well as a log of things that seem to trigger stress or anxiety in me. Things aren't perfect but through a lot of different avenues I've been getting out of my depression/anxiety and succeeding, by my standards.
 
I confronted my father about some things earlier tonight, and as it turns out, he's been doing drugs this whole time and putting me in danger with barely anyone else in my family noticing or caring. My dad's scum, my mom's a liar, my brother is no better, and I feel so defeated and desensitized about it all. Have I just been making things worse? I mean, what the hell can I do, being stuck here? Everything about my life feels like it's all been a facade, and I'm only now finding out, and yet I feel like the enemy in all of this. Is this it for me?
 
Did a four and a half hour training session for my new job today. Goddamn the working conditions suck. The room was around 30 degrees [Celsius, of course. The fact that I even need to specify that for you Yanks makes me sick (kidding!
not
)] and there was no air condition, and no windows open. And with the amount of people working there (I'd say at least 50 at the time), it felt even hotter. Had to go live and actually make calls, and I nearly cried in my seat as my anxiety started kicking my ass hard. Ugh.
 
I went to a psychologist yesterday. She told me that I should feel my body. If I feel pain, itch, etc. because I think too much which leads me to feel uneasy and anxious. Also I told her the things I did which I regret doing. She guessed it right when I gave her a hint. I told her that doing lesbian porn made me feel like the scum of the Earth, and how it's forbidden in Islam. Also, I told her that I can't forgive myself for that major sin and how I'm not a good person. She told me that I have to forgive myself, which I can't because its hard. At the end, I told her that I have no friends to talk to about it even though I do have some which I don't hang out with. I only talk to one friend on FB and that's it. If he never made a FB account, then I would've deactivated my account ages ago. I'm never going to make new friends or never want to make new friends. I just want to be alone and independent for the rest of my life. I made another appointment next week on Wednesday to continue our conversation from yesterday.
 
I dreamt most of my teeth fell out. I haven't had these dreams since I was in school, not sure what I'm stressed about right now. I hate how real it feels. :/
 
got a new comforter, put it on my bed. hope it helps me sleep better??

know it won't help the back pain but i can't go to a doctor to get that checked out and last time i did i came back with 'exercise more!' and more reasons to be disappointed in myself.
 
FillerB Freewrite: The Second: The Sappy: The Bread-product: The Overly long title: The Official Novelization of the Movie That Is Based On A True Story

(dramatic intro music)

Oh Bagels, I think you are pretty great.
Coming from me, that carries quite some weight
Yous see, I don't really like people
Think they all could jump from a steeple
But you, you achieved no small feat
Because Bagels, I think you are pretty neat

What I don't think is neat is your believe that you will, in your own words, burn good will by talking about your own problems. Really Bagels? Is that how you think about us? You've said to me once that some people need to me told it straight. That the "Good Cop" method doesn't always work. Well Bagels, I just donned my "Bad Cop"-hat. What the fuck do you think you are doing? After all the effort you put into this community, after all the people you've helped, after being there for us, do you honestly think that we wouldn't be there for you? Do you really think that you can burn the good will you've gathered that easily? That stings as fuck Bagels. That really, really stings. You helped us, now let us help you. Tell us what is bothering you. Don't keep cropping up the feelings behind your "Good Cop"-personage. You are not alone. There is no one, NO ONE, who in their right mind truly hates you. For that you have done way too much good. Now get your ass over here and cry out over one of our shoulders.
 
I went to a psychologist yesterday. She told me that I should feel my body. If I feel pain, itch, etc. because I think too much which leads me to feel uneasy and anxious. Also I told her the things I did which I regret doing. She guessed it right when I gave her a hint. I told her that doing lesbian porn made me feel like the scum of the Earth, and how it's forbidden in Islam. Also, I told her that I can't forgive myself for that major sin and how I'm not a good person. She told me that I have to forgive myself, which I can't because its hard. At the end, I told her that I have no friends to talk to about it even though I do have some which I don't hang out with. I only talk to one friend on FB and that's it. If he never made a FB account, then I would've deactivated my account ages ago. I'm never going to make new friends or never want to make new friends. I just want to be alone and independent for the rest of my life. I made another appointment next week on Wednesday to continue our conversation from yesterday.


I cannot really relate to your crisis of faith, but I do know how difficult it can be to be gentle with ourselves. My group DBT has helped me, but still I have much difficulty showing myself compassion. You are more than deserving of compassion, despite how much shame you may feel. I know a lot about shame and guilt, dwelling over them only leads to a never ending spiral of negative emotions for me. I know it's hard, hell I've been beating up on myself for so long it feels natural, right, but you are deserving of compassion, you are.

I also have, no friends really, no one to hang out with. Fear and anxiety holds me back, so while I don't have much advice to give here, know that you are not alone in struggles. Sometimes I just want isolate myself, avoid life, but that is not really what I want, simply what i feel i deserve. Irrational defeatist thoughts, that I try to ignore.

I'm glad you made another appointment with your psychologist, I will always recommend therapy. I hope things go well for you Mr. Luffy.
 
FillerB Freewrite: The Second: The Sappy: The Bread-product: The Overly long title: The Official Novelization of the Movie That Is Based On A True Story

(dramatic intro music)

Oh Bagels, I think you are pretty great.
Coming from me, that carries quite some weight
Yous see, I don't really like people
Think they all could jump from a steeple
But you, you achieved no small feat
Because Bagels, I think you are pretty neat

What I don't think is neat is your believe that you will, in your own words, burn good will by talking about your own problems. Really Bagels? Is that how you think about us? You've said to me once that some people need to me told it straight. That the "Good Cop" method doesn't always work. Well Bagels, I just donned my "Bad Cop"-hat. What the fuck do you think you are doing? After all the effort you put into this community, after all the people you've helped, after being there for us, do you honestly think that we wouldn't be there for you? Do you really think that you can burn the good will you've gathered that easily? That stings as fuck Bagels. That really, really stings. You helped us, now let us help you. Tell us what is bothering you. Don't keep cropping up the feelings behind your "Good Cop"-personage. You are not alone. There is no one, NO ONE, who in their right mind truly hates you. For that you have done way too much good. Now get your ass over here and cry out over one of our shoulders.

No U.

(I'll write more later. And thanks.)
 
I confronted my father about some things earlier tonight, and as it turns out, he's been doing drugs this whole time and putting me in danger with barely anyone else in my family noticing or caring. My dad's scum, my mom's a liar, my brother is no better, and I feel so defeated and desensitized about it all. Have I just been making things worse? I mean, what the hell can I do, being stuck here? Everything about my life feels like it's all been a facade, and I'm only now finding out, and yet I feel like the enemy in all of this. Is this it for me?
You've done no wrong in all of this, and at the end of the day, you have to look out for you if your (biological) family doesn't. Handy thing about family is that it can sprout up anywhere :)
 
Yeah, cat flyer, but I've seen several as well.. I shop at the Jumbo, we could have seen each other almost everywhere, Zwolle is tiny! I presume you go out too?

Is your cat called Bobby by chance? And to be honest, I'm rarely in the city at night. If I am, I'd probably be at 'In De Buurt' or someplace like it.
 
Everyone is texting me and trying to make conversation but I just can't.

Today is terrible. I'm sure my roommate thinks I'm a lazy fuck for laying in bed and sleeping and doing nothing.

But I can't do anything else. I don't want to. I just want to sleep forever. I don't want to be here.

I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry.

I'm just fucking sorry.
 
I cannot really relate to your crisis of faith, but I do know how difficult it can be to be gentle with ourselves. My group DBT has helped me, but still I have much difficulty showing myself compassion. You are more than deserving of compassion, despite how much shame you may feel. I know a lot about shame and guilt, dwelling over them only leads to a never ending spiral of negative emotions for me. I know it's hard, hell I've been beating up on myself for so long it feels natural, right, but you are deserving of compassion, you are.

I also have, no friends really, no one to hang out with. Fear and anxiety holds me back, so while I don't have much advice to give here, know that you are not alone in struggles. Sometimes I just want isolate myself, avoid life, but that is not really what I want, simply what i feel i deserve. Irrational defeatist thoughts, that I try to ignore.

I'm glad you made another appointment with your psychologist, I will always recommend therapy. I hope things go well for you Mr. Luffy.

Thank you Daingurse, I'm thankful that they have it at my college because I don't have to tell my parents. I just hate sharing my issues with them.
 
Everyone is texting me and trying to make conversation but I just can't.

Today is terrible. I'm sure my roommate thinks I'm a lazy fuck for laying in bed and sleeping and doing nothing.

But I can't do anything else. I don't want to. I just want to sleep forever. I don't want to be here.

I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry.

I'm just fucking sorry.
Take advantage of your college's counseling center?
 
I'm just fucking sorry.

I sent you a long winded message the other day about some of the issues you have going on, I hope it found you well. You're still very young and full of choices, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, just because it is "expected" of you. Do what feels right to yourself, no one else. You are adult, you can do this! :)


Yayy! One of my favorites by them for sure. Now I have to add a song of my own:

The Smiths - These Things Take Time

You said I was ill, and you were not wrong
But I can't believe that you'd ever care
And so, you will never care
But these things take time
And I know that I'm
The most inept
That ever stepped
 
Thank you Daingurse, I'm thankful that they have it at my college because I don't have to tell my parents. I just hate sharing my issues with them.

No problem, I can definitely understand the aversion to sharing with your folks. I still don't like discussing things with my family; and they are actually very understanding and supportive.
 
Its interesting what happens to someone in a constant state of loneliness and misery with no end in sight. Makes me understand certain things that others cant.
 
My struggle with depression has always been fighting the loop. You know the one. Tells you you're unlikable, unworthy of love. No one needs you. You have nothing to offer. And sometimes, like tonight, I get so tired of fighting that I give in and start to believe it.

After all, why is it so hard to believe? I spend a lot of time by myself. Maybe the only person I'm meant to be around is me. Maybe no one else can stand me. And the loop throbs on, like a splitting headache. Impossible to ignore, perhaps oh so true.
 
Jb having met you you're a super friendly inviting guy. Definitely worth being around and fun to hang out with.

I have my bad days with the same thoughts, and believing them. Try to make a habit or routine of proving it wrong. Get out there and be proactive so you aren't left with just the thoughts and nothing else.

The Smiths are great good posts guys.
 
Just wanted to thank everyone: whether you come here to vent, give your two cents, offer advice, share personal experiences, talk about how upset you are, use this place as a sounding board, somewhere to rationalize out the good and bad thoughts or just go all mushy on us and spread your fluffy love (bgls <3 lol).

Everyone adds something and no one should be ashamed to speak up and share. I hope everyone gets some form of relief here and maybe even a starting point to improve things.

I hope I haven't been too harsh or direct. I can get mama bear sometimes in terms of pushing on what I believe will help or be the best course of action. I partly do this due to having extreme anger and emotional issues in my past that I felt I would have addressed sooner if someone had been more straight-forward with me on issues that are hard to talk about; most people opted to just smile and nod or sugar coat things for me instead of giving me the hard direction and advice I needed to learn much earlier on. It's something I'm still struggling with now as an adult.

I tend to have problems showing affection and appreciation for people in my life even though I do feel it. I'm pretty introverted and deal with real life social situations by nervously gabbing to move past my social anxiety and stress. Instead of flippantly turning to irritation and anger towards everything outside of myself I tend to turn it inward now. This is something I would have never even noticed if it wasn't for everyone here nor would I be able to get help improving upon it along with the quality and happiness in my life. Thx ppl <3
 
What a phenomenal post, Nia! You're someone who has never stopped being who you are, who is just an awesome person and a vitally important member of this community. Your perspective is invaluable. And while you see your advice as more blunt or harsh, we've slowly unlocked mushy Nia, too. :D I obviously approve! I've never seen your advice as harsh, precisely because it comes out of a deep caring for this community. Your loyalty is unquestioned, even to people you may not see eye-to-eye with.


And, if I'm not terribly mistaken, it's the birthday of my beautiful adopted sis, Pau! I love you so much, Pau, and you really are a sister I never had! They do not make finer friends, or better people, than you. I'd walk to the ends of the Earth for you, and I know you'd do the same for me.

(And, man, is "The Gods Must Be Crazy" a great film or what?)???

To quote another great friend, you have a beautiful soul, Pau. You make everyone in your orbit happy. You make me want to be a better man, and that is perhaps the best thing I can say about any friendship.



(Apologies for my typing. I'm medicate for some pain issues, so it's all over the place.)
 
Pau's birthday? Happy birthday Pau! May you have a great birthday celebration complete with Batman-esque "POW" "WHAM" "ZONK" "CRASH" "BAM" "ZAP" sound FX all over the place.

http://youtu.be/rtWC1Dw9S2U

I have my co-op board interview on Tuesday, super excited but also super anxious about it. It should be my last hurdle to getting the place, but I'm so worried that something is gonna mess me up. :(
 
Theater seems like something I'd enjoy. So I've got an audition tonight. I'm pretty nervous but I just know I'll regret it to no end if I back out now. So wish me luck! Here's hoping I'm not biting off more than I can chew. But I don't think that's the case.
 
Theater seems like something I'd enjoy. So I've got an audition tonight. I'm pretty nervous but I just know I'll regret it to no end if I back out now. So wish me luck! Here's hoping I'm not biting off more than I can chew. But I don't think that's the case.

Veel geluk met de auditie!
 
My struggle with depression has always been fighting the loop. You know the one. Tells you you're unlikable, unworthy of love. No one needs you. You have nothing to offer. And sometimes, like tonight, I get so tired of fighting that I give in and start to believe it.

After all, why is it so hard to believe? I spend a lot of time by myself. Maybe the only person I'm meant to be around is me. Maybe no one else can stand me. And the loop throbs on, like a splitting headache. Impossible to ignore, perhaps oh so true.

Yup, I've been like that for awhile now. Even now. I'm unworthy of this shit....of everything....I have to lie to myself daily to think I'm likable because I can't 100% convince myself that i'm worthy of anything much less love...Fuck I probably don't deserve that.
It's almost impossible not to try and do something while in that state.

I don't know if my depression has put to my dead end of a brick wall (which I'm quite sure it did for a long time now) but we can't give up and break down our dead end. You deserve more than this just keep fighting against the loop and keep chasing after your hopes and dreams.
 
My struggle with depression has always been fighting the loop. You know the one. Tells you you're unlikable, unworthy of love. No one needs you. You have nothing to offer. And sometimes, like tonight, I get so tired of fighting that I give in and start to believe it.

That is definitely depression alright! As that has been my exact feelings for the past 17 years, with varying intensity over that time. Whether it be a mistake made, negative experience, or dwelling on your flaws. It is a thought cycle that always seems to find a way to creep into your mindset. When it comes to dealing with other people, we always over think things, even with established ones you like.

Take last night for example, whilst I was chatting with you guys, I had some of those feelings creep up a bit. Felt like I was being awkward and not adding much. But I bet you didn't think that of my behavior. We forget that most people are too also more concerned about how they are coming across than the person they're chatting with. So with that said, you're definitely not an unlikable guy, far from it. We all have something positive to add to the world in someway, even if our brains can be serial liars. I try and remind myself of my positive points when I begin to feel that way, even if they are tough to form. Or read the personal notes to myself I've written in good mood, or even read back the nice things people have said to me before. It all helps.
 
Everyone is texting me and trying to make conversation but I just can't.

Today is terrible. I'm sure my roommate thinks I'm a lazy fuck for laying in bed and sleeping and doing nothing.

But I can't do anything else. I don't want to. I just want to sleep forever. I don't want to be here.

I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry.

I'm just fucking sorry.
Dont be fuckimg sorry with us. Hug from me. Lets go burn something to the ground.
 
Everyone is texting me and trying to make conversation but I just can't.

Today is terrible. I'm sure my roommate thinks I'm a lazy fuck for laying in bed and sleeping and doing nothing.

But I can't do anything else. I don't want to. I just want to sleep forever. I don't want to be here.

I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry.

I'm just fucking sorry.

Dont be fuckimg sorry with us. Hug from me. Lets go burn something to the ground.

Don't worry about your roommate, if she thinks your lazy, so be it. Don't let her thoughts be any worry to you.

And if you sleep forever, Bagels will have to draw sad bagels everywhere. And then it will fill the thread.
No one wants that. Like at all.

Take it easy and relax and respond to your texts later. They won't kill you for not responding right away.
Walk around campus if it's a nice place, that usually helps me relax. When you're ready to tackle the texts, then do so.
Just for now worry about recuperating yourself.

Speaking of burning....
Cooper you should add me on steam, we could TF2 together and burn other people.
 
My father fucking exploded at me ~30 minutes ago, years of emotional buildup. By the end we were both crying. He needs to see a therapist.

Edit: My birthday may or may not have been on Friday. (Because of the mention of birthdays.)
 
Goddamnit i'm in bad shape... I'm overweight* but not too badly (probably) in itself, but i'm otherwise in bad shape. A relatively short run to train 45min ago and i'm still breathing hard.

I wonder, does exercising affect depression in any way? EDIT naturally each individual will react differently but i wonder if there's general trend.

Not that i probably do anything even if it helps, i don't like this place, i don't want go running or even for walks here. Too many people, awful place (most would disagree and probably find this place pretty nice but i hate it here).

*Not a thing i ever worry about though, never stressed over, or cared about my looks. I am what i am, if someone has a problem with that (and merely that, you know, really shallow view), they probably are not worth my attention.
Though perhaps i should care a bit more, i could use a bit more vanity even, the Golden Mean you know? (That is, not the exact middle but a bit more to the other side to balance your natural tendency).


Also congrats whoever might have or had or will have birthday or any other remarkable event around now. Or something.
 
Exercise has positive physical and psychological effects, but that's relative. It's mot a panacea, just something that will
enhance your mood and physical activity is important for health. But if you are depressed, anxiety or body issues , even getting up can be a struggle so it's not going to fix that side of the issue.

You can try and use calisthenic routines that don't involve going outside or to a gym.

Are you on medication and/or therapy?
 
Exercise has positive physical and psychological, but that's relative. Are you on medication and/or therapy?

No and no. Never got around visiting a therapist. Something i should do, and something i will try to do if i get my school-things fixed. If. Too easy to put off under pretext of doing something else. (Also let myself too easily to avoid doing something when someone pushes me to doing something as a reaction. Dislike what i think as meddling/interfering with my life, would very much like absolutely peace (no one bothering me for some time for any reason) first but unfortunately i can't get that until after i get my life sorted out otherwise.

Medication is something i will probably refuse, at first anyway. Refuse for the same reason i refuse using alcohol or ("recreational") drugs. If other things don't work, well, i'll see then. Perhaps.

EDIT i don't have body issues. I am what i am, not something i will waste time worrying about. Thought i made that clear. Indeed i probably don't pay enough attention to things like that, should do that at least a little.
 
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