Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

Status
Not open for further replies.
I was surprised to find that I still liked The Birthday Massacre when I checked them out again a few years ago. Hadn't listened to them since high school.

...also hey everyone. I've been lurking for a bit and figured I should say something. Not entirely sure how to go about introducing myself.
 
You seem to have a square black head with no eyes, nose or ears. I'd say being ugly is the least of your problems.
lol.

But yeah, I just prefer my face being blocked out. Yes, I do hate myself that much.

I was surprised to find that I still liked The Birthday Massacre when I checked them out again a few years ago. Hadn't listened to them since high school.

...also hey everyone. I've been lurking for a bit and figured I should say something. Not entirely sure how to go about introducing myself.
They've been my favorite band ever since I first heard them back in 2005. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who knows who they are. ;)

BTW, Ian, welcome to the thread. :)
 
Hey people. Here is a writing technique that I have found very therapeutic and has helped me at times. I found it very therapeutic to just write down whatever is on my mind without worrying about what Im writing to be sensical or what people will think of it. As a patented GAF do a thing this week I suggest everyone to give it a shot.

Tim Schafer said:
Hello to all writers, and to the writing-curious as well.

After Episode 2: A Promise of Infinite Possibility came out, I heard from a lot of people who said, “Tim, you should really make sure to trim your beard before filming, and also, stop playing with your nose.” And then there were people who said they’ve tried the “freewriting” method I talked about in the show and had great results with it. I’ve also had many people ask me for more details. So, here! Have some details!



fig. 1 – A actual specimen of freewriting

1.jpg

Freewriting is something I learned in the seventh grade. Our teacher Mr. Harrington made us all write non-stop in a notebook for two minutes. I thought it was fun because not stopping meant no time to think and worry about what you were writing. But I didn’t really use freewriting to help my regular writing until it came up in a college writing course. The class was in essay writing, and the professor often made the point that just because it wasn’t a “creative writing” course, you still need to be creative. Writing non-fiction needs to be done creatively too. Whether you’re a journalist or you’re writing scientific notes, you still need to think of creative ways of reaching your audience and making your point clear.

Our professor advocated a four-draft method of writing:

Draft 1: Freewriting. Just spill your guts out and dirty up that white page. It doesn’t have to make sense. No one will read it.
Draft 2: Actually form those words into something that looks like a serious attempt to make your point. It’s okay to throw out all of draft 1 and start from scratch. This draft you actually give to people for feedback.
Draft 3: Here you take in all feedback and make major structural changes and edits to make your point better.
Draft 4: The only changes here are small polish items and proofreading.

The freewriting step is so important because sometimes the biggest hurdle is simply getting started on a project. But also I think it puts your brain into the right mode. I’m no brain scientist (surprise!) but I suspect it sends blood to the language centers in your brain (I obviously get all of my science information from Brain Age on DS) and makes you hyperverbal, if that’s a word. Let’s say it is a word. If not, then it was probably a nickname some angry teacher gave a student who talked too much in class. But that never happened to me. Hey, let’s just say it gets you thinking verbally, instead of in abstract thoughts.

Sometimes it also helps take the place of having another person to brainstorm with. I find that when I’m stuck on a creative writing project, I can talk to someone and that will unblock me. Sometimes that’s because of something they say, but often it’s just an idea I had while talking to that person. I don’t know what it is about putting your thoughts into words that generates new thoughts, but it does! And if nobody is around to talk to, or you aren’t ready to share your ideas with anyone, then writing in a notebook is the next best thing.

Often when doing that four-draft method, you will start out freewriting in step one, and you’ll be writing about your topic, then you’ll drift off topic, then back on, then you’ll come up with a phrase you actually like and before you know it you’ve accidentally slipped into phase 2. You’re writing the actual essay. That’s okay—you just finish up the draft and then go back and clean up the intro.

Here are my own personal rules for freewriting:

- For me, it has to be first thing in the morning, when the brain is empty. You’re not allowed to check email, Twitter, Facebook—nothing. Talk to as few people as possible beforehand. Every input you allow into your brain is just distracting junk that will grow and swell and muck things up. You are allowed to use the bathroom, but no reading in there. No verbal input!

- I have to listen to music on headphones that blocks out other distracting sounds. The music needs to be something you’ve heard a million times so it falls into the background and you don’t think about it. It helps too, because if you’re sleepy (I’m always sleepy) you can crank the music really loud and that will help keep you up for a while.

- I write longhand in a notebook, but I’m not a fanatic about it. I’m sure you could also do it on a keyboard. It just feels better for me writing it out, even though my penmanship is terrible. Dragging pen across paper is quieter. And it’s easier to draw pictures and make little stars in the margin when you have a good idea. And you can do it on an airplane during takeoff and landing. I also like that it gives you one more layer of separation from the final project, because every time you move across one of these layers (like typing in the handwritten notes) it’s a natural opportunity for editing and refinement.

2a.jpg


fig. 2a – A so-so picture of a rocket.


fig. 2b – An awesome picture of a 2-headed dragon.

2b.jpg


fig. 2c – A spine-chilling depiction of a real monster. Do not look at it right before bedtime.

2c.jpg


- I have to promise myself that no one will ever read my freewriting. This is important because you can not self-edit while freewriting. You can’t worry if what you’re saying is nice, fair, well-written, or even legal. You need to be 100% open and honest and the way I do that is to tell myself no one else is ever going to read it. Later on you can share sections of it, but you don’t have to. Unless some pesky documentarians try to capture it on film!

- You can not stop! Ever! Not even for a second. This is the NUMBER ONE thing! You pick an amount of time, whether it’s two minutes, five, 30, or an hour. And you must constantly be moving your pen the entire time. You might not be able to think this fast, in which case you just repeat the last word you said over and over and over and over and over and over rutabaga watermelon Penelope Pitstop cannonball firecracker Julio Iglesias cowabunga and it doesn’t matter. After time you will find that your brain is moving faster than your hand and you always have something you want to write down. A new rule I started this year is that if I ever stop writing and drift off, thinking about something else, I write “foul” in the margin and get back to writing. Not sure why I started this rule. I think I’m trying to discipline myself. Because it’s important to not stop. If you stop, that’s just regular writing, not freewriting.

- Have a goal. Five minutes, three hours, five full pages. Stop when you hit it. This isn’t an endurance test. This is something you do every day. It’s maintenance.

- Oh yeah—you have to do it every day. Or every weekday. Because writing is a job. It’s not eureka moments over and over. It’s grueling work, panning for gold. You just keep at it and eventually you get a few grains. Or flakes. Or whatever gold looks like in rivers. Or maybe it’s like fishing. Who cares? You just have to do it every day because you never know which day is going to be your productive day.

- If I have a good idea I like, I put a big star in the margin, and underline the important words or sentence. Or if it’s a whole paragraph, then I draw a vertical line down the margin on the side of all the words. This helps me find the good ideas later. It’s hard to comb through all the garbage and rutabagas and watermelons to find those golden idea nuggets you know you had the week before if you don’t leave behind some visual bookmarks.

3a.jpg


3b.jpg




- Figure out whatever notation works for you. If I have an off-topic idea (another game, et cetera) I write it up in the top margin of the page. If I think of a cool name for a character, even if I don’t know who gets that name yet, I write it in a special “names” area that I come back to when I need a name. For me, I write them on the manila pocket separators between sections in my five-subject notebook. Make up your own system that you like.

- Always write down the full date of each entry. It makes you feel pretentious at first, like signing a painting, but you’ll get over it. You might want the info later. Sometimes I write down what music I’m listening to, even though that’s dumb and LiveJournaly. It helps me feel like I’m capturing the moment, which fights back the panicky feeling that you are going to forget the current moment. Even if the current moment is stupid. Like people who take notes in college. You knew they were never going to look at those notes, but the notes helped them fight that panicky feeling that they were going to forget everything.

- Draw pictures if you feel like drawing pictures. This might go against my “hyperverbal” point, but I still do it. Also I make a lot of charts. Especially about story structure. Just go wherever your mind takes you, as long as you NEVER STOP WRITING.

There you have it! All the secrets of writing revealed! And here you thought it was so hard.

Here’s your homework assignment: Go out and get a new spiral notebook and a box of pens, and tomorrow morning start freewriting. I mean, it probably won’t kill you. But I can’t guarantee anything.

-Tim


This is quoted from the backer forums of the doublefine adventures kickstarter (broken age) so I want to send out a special thanks to Chris Remo and Tim Schafer of Doublefine for giving me permission to post this here.

If anyone want to be a slacker backer its never to late:

http://www.doublefine.com/dfapay
 
Helping people to satisfy your desire to help people or to alleviate your guilt or unhappiness over the suffering of others may be noble, but it is just as self-serving as working for money. The businessmen making their millions and the workers providing for their family and the aid-workers helping the suffering are all ultimately just satisfying their own desires, fighting their own fears, looking for their own meaning in life.



If you have no expenses then it sounds like your life is relatively easy. You should be happy with that. You may have a desire to help people, but you shouldn't be a slave to that desire. You should be the master of your desires, you should be in control of your desires and use them to serve whatever purpose it is that you choose. If your efforts so far haven't worked, then improve or increase your efforts, if that is not enough then why not start your own organisation?

Well, regarding meaning: there isn't one. The only point of life is to simply be alive. That may sound strange that I deeply long for something far beyond myself, something beyond what I am now, but that is because I have learned of some of the horrors that one can experience in life. I simply wish to use my time in mind more for others than myself. If that is still self-serving, I guess I cannot refute that element.

I don't believe I am a slave to that desire. The truth in life is you and I don't actually have to do..well, anything. We actually don't have to take jobs, we don't have to take care of ourselves, nor do we even have to live. This is not to argue for a scenario where one would rather be extinct than to be alive, but it is more of a point, a reminder that nothing asked, expected, or even desired of an individual must be done. To me, again, it is more of using my time in ways beyond just twerking for myself. If that absolutely cannot be done, I really don't know what I'd do instead. But I know if it's something I don't have an interest in, I don't have to do it. Only if whatever it is has some payoff to the individual is it worth anything. I do wish to improve and increase my efforts, but the truth is I feel very alone in my views as I am not really surrounded by many who get me. I feel - and I don't actually feel shame in saying this - that I need some help beyond myself to start moving forward with this. So right now, I am dependant on my desires, but also dependant on others, to either help me find options or help me get my foot in the door.
 
I just want to add something to the discussion about physical beauty. Only very rarely are people really ugly physically. Most of the time the cause of the perceived lack of beauty stems from the person feeling ugly and the way they carry themselves due to that.

I know people who, if only a picture was provided, are for all intents and purposes ugly. But it's precisely these people who have the most redeeming qualities. Be it the sparkle in their eyes, the sound of their voice or the way they dress, that make you genuinely not notice in real life.

So, as clichéd as that may sound: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And it may have a lot less to do with physical appearance than a lot of people think.
 
Hell people. Here is a writing technique that I have found very therapeutic and has helped me at times. I found it very therapeutic to just write down whatever is on my mind without worrying about what Im writing to be sensical or what people will think of it. As a patented GAF do a thing this week I suggest everyone to give it a shot.

I'm behind this 100%, Hermii. But what do you show the community, if anything? I'm with the original advice which suggests keeping it private. Can we combine it with another little project? Many people seem lost when it comes to making friends, or getting people to like them. I thought the best way to address that would be to try thinking about people in our community, or GAF as a whole, who you really like, or have made friends with. So start by freewriting about our community, trying to figure out specific reasons why you like the people you like. Take a 5-10 minute freewrite and make it into a short piece about a specific person, people, or the community as a whole and post it. It's a nice way to show people that you appreciate them, and it might also suggest ways that we can all put our best foot forward.

Or ignore that and either just freewrite and post some sample of it, or choose a different topic and post a resulting draft. Or just post to say how it went.

Whatever you choose, let's do Hermii's Freewriting Week!


[God, did I push my own thing too much? Sorry if I screwed with your idea, Hermii. I wanted more positivity and more interaction around here. I wanted us all to think about how people draw us to them; what makes people likable. But I feel like I'm just messing with your idea. Sorry - I need to shut up more. :3]
 
Should we just do this as a personal endeavor, or do it as a post here on NeoGAF?

I wouldn't mind seeing it here in the thread, to as Bagels said "bring some positivity" to the thread, but it would probably be best too leave it up to the writers choice to decide what he/she is most comfortable with.


My PM inbox has just been cleared.
 
I do wish to improve and increase my efforts, but the truth is I feel very alone in my views as I am not really surrounded by many who get me. I feel - and I don't actually feel shame in saying this - that I need some help beyond myself to start moving forward with this. So right now, I am dependant on my desires, but also dependant on others, to either help me find options or help me get my foot in the door.

Dependency is a choice. Why choose dependency on things that aren't helpful? You have everything you need so you should be happy. You want to help people, great, but don't let it upset you. Helping other people is the icing, not the cake. If you get it, you can enjoy it, but you can be happy either way.

In terms of dependency on others, that's fine, as humans we can achieve more if we work together. So here's an idea, you tell me what city you're in and I'll look for voluntary work for you. You can PM me if you don't want to post your location in public. I'm actually more than happy to do this. And if you don't believe, consider, if I find you voluntary work, any good that you do will be good that I've done by proxy, so it's to my self-serving benefit lol.

Hell people. Here is a writing technique that I have found very therapeutic and has helped me at times. I found it very therapeutic to just write down whatever is on my mind without worrying about what Im writing to be sensical or what people will think of it. As a patented GAF do a thing this week I suggest everyone to give it a shot.

Great idea. The subconcious mind is literal rather than logical, so often we suppress it by filtering it. When it comes up with something we think is wrong, we disagree and stop it being expressed. Or we'll worry what other people will think and we'll push it back in. So if you write out your thoughts and feelings literally, even if they are irrational, by expressing them you release them and free yourself of them. If you read it out loud after you've written it, that will help even more.
 
Dependency is a choice. Why choose dependency on things that aren't helpful? You have everything you need so you should be happy. You want to help people, great, but don't let it upset you. Helping other people is the icing, not the cake. If you get it, you can enjoy it, but you can be happy either way.

In terms of dependency on others, that's fine, as humans we can achieve more if we work together. So here's an idea, you tell me what city you're in and I'll look for voluntary work for you. You can PM me if you don't want to post your location in public. I'm actually more than happy to do this. And if you don't believe, consider, if I find you voluntary work, any good that you do will be good that I've done by proxy, so it's to my self-serving benefit lol.

I do have everything I need, I suppose. I know I am a bit of a paradoxical person when it comes to where I am and the frustration I feel, but a lot of that is really trying to not really...live just with my own happiness, I guess? I share this earth with others, so why not aim for those others too?

I currently live in East Stroudsburg, PA. Any sort of direction would be helpful, as I feel like I lack the tools and means to find and do this stuff on my own. I don't say it with shame, but I say it with honesty. I don't think there's nothing wrong with not knowing how to do certain things, especially if you let others have the option to help out.
 
Tinnitus. Got it for about 2 months now. Not real bad, but noticeable. It's either the depression or the smoking, or both. Started 'em at the same time so it's hard to tell. Nothing to do about it but keep calm & carry on, I suppose. And quit smoking eventually of course. Anyone have this too, in here?
 
Hell people. Here is a writing technique that I have found very therapeutic and has helped me at times. I found it very therapeutic to just write down whatever is on my mind without worrying about what Im writing to be sensical or what people will think of it. As a patented GAF do a thing this week I suggest everyone to give it a shot.




This is quoted from the backer forums of the doublefine adventures kickstarter (broken age) so I want to send out a special thanks to Chris Remo and Tim Schafer of Doublefine for giving me permission to post this here.

If anyone want to be a slacker backer its never to late:

http://www.doublefine.com/dfapay

I've done free writing once before. I wrote for ten straight pages. My mind basically transferred itself into my pen.
 
Tinnitus. Got it for about 2 months now. Not real bad, but noticeable. It's either the depression or the smoking, or both. Started 'em at the same time so it's hard to tell. Nothing to do about it but keep calm & carry on, I suppose. And quit smoking eventually of course. Anyone have this too, in here?

I have tinnitus and TMJ disorder. They're a pain in the ass, for sure.
 
I know I am a bit of a paradoxical person when it comes to where I am and the frustration I feel, but a lot of that is really trying to not really...live just with my own happiness, I guess? I share this earth with others, so why not aim for those others too?

You can aim for that, but you should put it in context. I'd like to have a Ferrari. If I got one I'd be happy with it. But the fact that I haven't got one doesn't drag me down at all. I have the desire, but I'm not attached to that desire.

I currently live in East Stroudsburg, PA. Any sort of direction would be helpful, as I feel like I lack the tools and means to find and do this stuff on my own. I don't say it with shame, but I say it with honesty. I don't think there's nothing wrong with not knowing how to do certain things, especially if you let others have the option to help out.

It's good that you can ask for help, that's a good quality to have.
I don't what skills you have, but a quick search online get the following:

80 opportunities in the area.
List of charities in East Stroudsburg
Volunteer contact for Helping Hands
http://thegardenofgiving.org/
VNA Hospice Volunteers

The best way to apply would be to phone the organisations. Other than that you can message or email them. Are you able to do this? I can't phone anyone for you, but I could send applications for you(but you'd have to give me some of your details). Or if you want I can help you craft an application letter?
 
I'm behind this 100%, Hermii. But what do you show the community, if anything? I'm with the original advice which suggests keeping it private. Can we combine it with another little project? Many people seem lost when it comes to making friends, or getting people to like them. I thought the best way to address that would be to try thinking about people in our community, or GAF as a whole, who you really like, or have made friends with. So start by freewriting about our community, trying to figure out specific reasons why you like the people you like. Take a 5-10 minute freewrite and make it into a short piece about a specific person, people, or the community as a whole and post it. It's a nice way to show people that you appreciate them, and it might also suggest ways that we can all put our best foot forward.

Or ignore that and either just freewrite and post some sample of it, or choose a different topic and post a resulting draft. Or just post to say how it went.

Whatever you choose, let's do Hermii's Freewriting Week!


[God, did I push my own thing too much? Sorry if I screwed with your idea, Hermii. I wanted more positivity and more interaction around here. I wanted us all to think about how people draw us to them; what makes people likable. But I feel like I'm just messing with your idea. Sorry - I need to shut up more. :3]

No no you didnt screw with my idea, you improved upon it :) In fact Im going to do what you said.But I think regardless if people want to post a sample of it, they should try freewriting for themselves. And please tell us how it went like bagels said.

Really bgls dont stop talking. The freewriting week is actually a lot better this way.
 
freewriting week

So I went ahead and did a 5 minute freewrite. It's not quite the real deal, as I had picked a specific topic and I had been thinking about it before. Still, it was helpful to just kind of dive in and toss in somewhat unrelated points as they came to me.

YQeaVl2.jpg


(I was pissed off that I snapped my pencil point right off the bat, and the paper sucked, and I was sitting on the floor, and and...)

I'm turning it into an essay called

Why Fiction is the Best Poster on GAF

Which is more about why she is such a special friend to me and why it is that so many of us like her so damn much. Then, I want to say what we can learn from that in our own quests to be more likeable. So I started writing that, but after running out of my meds for a few days, I got a refill, and they are knocking me on my ass. I'll need to write it up later.

I want to do a series of these, figuring out why some people are so likeable and figuring out if there are lessons to be learned about making yourself more attractive as a friend.

I'll definitely do more freewriting too, with a little less direction up front. I'd also say that 10 minutes is probably a more reasonably time to get a thought out. Also, have everything you need to write comfortably set up from the get-go.
 
Everyone's going to do bagels so I'll shout out classypenguin. It's the posters like classy that make gaf so cool. Rather than getting into shouting matches, classy posts links to peer reviewed studies and reputable news sources. Honestly, I've changed several of my views, mostly in politics and health, because of their willingness to share.

Intellectual honesty is key.

I remember when Time made you, the random Internet dude, person of the year. Not only was this a lame copout, it seemingly placed an undue confidence in our collective ability to act civil on the Internet. If everyone's shouting about Miley twerking, nothing of substance can be heard.

I still believe this to be true. We care an awful goddamned lot about Miley shaking her ass. But there's pockets of people who do make it worthwhile to post meaningful truths about yourself. This thread is a testiment to this. I'm very glad to have found it.

Nobody talks about depression and mental health stuff. It's scary and weird and nobody understands it correctly. It's a stigma, it's a label. Nothing looks wrong, but everything is. You guys get it though. Every time I see someone post something I just think "oh shit man, been there"(or maybe somewhere close). Its just as helpful to hear as it is be heard.

Anyway, thanks classy. You're one of many posters who make gaf worth reading.

Also this is a cool article:
http://mobile.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/08/ty_carter_speech_medal_of_honor_recipient_thanks_his_shrink.html?original_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F
 
Fuck it. you know what? I'm just going to do a freewrite right now. Eat it.

The scariest thing about me killing myself is that it might be the best option. I have a master's degree in Communications, and am currently working a job. The thought that I could be fired tomorrow enters my head at least once per day.

This wouldn't be the first time. In fact, I was previously fired from two other jobs, and this one I have worked at for 4 years. I can't just lie on my resume - I have to be honest. And if I lose this job I have to admit, that to a prospective employer, that despite my academic achievements, in my working career, I have failed.

That is almost akin to not even sending in my resume. I will never find a job again. Ever. Maybe I get lucky and work part time at a local gas station. But that won't let me afford an apartment for my wife and I or our potential children, or any other ammenities and bills that I have gotten myself into and still now overdraw my checking accounts to pay every month. In short, my position is fucked with the likelihood of becoming more fucked. I'm quite literally one step from homelessness. One step to complete dishonor.

I'm nowhere near as intelligent, and eloquent, or as cunning as 99% of the Neogaf posters here who still rip on me for DARING TO LIKE NINTENDO, but let me make this as clear and as passionate and as 5th grade report as I can. In Japan, they had Samurai. Samurai followed a code of honor called bushido. And when they were dishonored, they fucked up, they lost a battle, they were captured, any sort of small shit we look at today as inconsequential, they committed seppuku. THEY WERE FUCKING EXPECTED TO KILL THEMSELVES.

Look at today's society. You fuck up, but things will get better. But what if it is a situation where nothing will get better. We can look to God, but unless God will make the stars align in a way where Jimmy Hoffa's body is found and the Cubs win the world series, shit ain't gonna get better for me. And honestly, I'd rather die than take up space as another failure sucking at the teet of welfare. Basically, I'd like to not be rewarded for fucking up.

Is everything going to be okay? God, I hope so.
 
I am uh, speechless, really. I mean, wow.

Yeah man. Don't take me too seriously though. I just liked this thread when I was down

Godduckman, you're okay. I would go talk to someone, though. It feels shitty now, but it doesn't have to be. Please don't hurt yourself
 
Hey guys, figured I'd post an update. I'm no longer taking antidepressants as advised by my counselor. Also no longer unnaturally happy like I was the first month, but am at a normal level now. I feel good; still having some counseling sessions. Hopefully I don't relapse and, in case I do, I'll make sure Kroger keeps my prescription in their database. Sorry for not being very active in this community but I look here every day and, in my mind, have grown close to you guys in feeling like a part of your lives (even though I never interacted much). Thanks everyone for the help you've given me, even if indirect. Won't be posting on GAF anymore though, I don't think, but maybe I'll be back sometime. I bid you all farewell!
 
Alright. Free writing, huh? I think I can do this.

Tonight, I'm going to write about bugs. When I think about bugs, I think cool. Like Keanu Reeves wearing sunglasses cool. He just radiates badass, in everything he does, everything he talks about. Granted, a good chunk of it is the voice, a deep baritone which radiates wisdom but another part is simply who he is.

When I'm feeling especially depressed, it's not uncommon for me to get a PM from bugs. I'm not the only person to receive this honor, which only proves how big of a heart he has. Another interesting feature of bugs is that when you send him a Youtube link, he is guaranteed to not only watch it but watch it to the very end. I was in disbelief when I linked him the Bach b-minor Mass (an almost two hour monstrosity) and he got back to me the next day, saying how awesome it was. Dude is committed.

Bugs and I aren't that far apart in age and hence, he's one of the few I can talk to who really gets old-school games. I mean the type of PC game that didn't fuck around. You had to pull out graph paper and make you own maps. You died, frequently. The world wasn't handed to you with a guide who told you where to go, in that obnoxious "you're a child and I must help you" way that Zelda games have especially glorified. Whenever bugs is online, I can count on him to talk about Ultima games, among others.

So, in conclusion, even though I'm on an alcohol break after the last vomiting incident, I raise my empty glass to bugs, one of the many members of D-Gaf who makes this community so awesomely special. In just over two months, I feel like I've become part of something bigger, part of something which is truly unique and he is just a small part of the whole. But a big part to the people who know him.
 
So bear with me here,

I don't suffer from clinical depression, never given anyone a chance to diagnose me. Overall I don't feel like I'm depressed most of the time. However, given my living situation and the choices I've made in the past I have had spells of it come and go. Other than that I'm relatively happy and the like.

My question to you guys is whether or not you'd be uncomfortable with someone like me hanging around this thread from time to time? I feel as though many people who have been through or are going through depression have a better perspective than others on what's important in life and I'm seeking that type of camaraderie right now. I certainly do not wish to make anyone uncomfortable though.
 
My question to you guys is whether or not you'd be uncomfortable with someone like me hanging around this thread from time to time? I feel as though many people who have been through or are going through depression have a better perspective than others on what's important in life and I'm seeking that type of camaraderie right now. I certainly do not wish to make anyone uncomfortable though.
My vote is that's as good of a reason as any to stick around here.
 
This isn't a thread on just on depression. This is a thread on mental health. All issues, be they clinical or even minor issues are welcome to be discussed. Even where there are no issues and someone wants to discuss preventative measures, that is also more than welcome.
 
This isn't a thread on just on depression. This is a thread on mental health. All issues, be they clinical or even minor issues are welcome to be discussed. Even where there are no issues and someone wants to discuss preventative measures, that is also more than welcome.

I like you. Couldn't have put it better myself.
 
So, I have decided to start a journal. I am nearing age 32 and I've often thought this would be a good idea to not only catalog my life's activities, but also to serve as an outlet for either expressing or dumping my emotions.

See, I have an awful memory. And now that I am medicated, one of the side effects is that my memory has gotten worse. Seriously, my memory is bad simply on its own. I am basically a man without a past.

My friend said to me a few days ago "I remember when you used to make Orange Julius' all the time when we lived together." He may as well been talking to someone else, 'cause I sure as hell don't remember that.

I am getting older, am living all alone in my big empty house, and cataloging my thoughts, ideas, experiences, and feelings into a journal is seemingly cathartic. Hopefully I can keep this up, as I have a tendency to drop things after a while.

Also, I think it's important to not discredit all of the help this community has offered to me. You all have been wonderful for lending an ear through my dark time. It is very much appreciated.
 
So bear with me here,

I don't suffer from clinical depression, never given anyone a chance to diagnose me. Overall I don't feel like I'm depressed most of the time. However, given my living situation and the choices I've made in the past I have had spells of it come and go. Other than that I'm relatively happy and the like.

My question to you guys is whether or not you'd be uncomfortable with someone like me hanging around this thread from time to time? I feel as though many people who have been through or are going through depression have a better perspective than others on what's important in life and I'm seeking that type of camaraderie right now. I certainly do not wish to make anyone uncomfortable though.

I say you are absolutely welcome to pop in, be it to speak your mind about you or to others. If I can ask you, in another topic with a GAF user trying to handle the eventual loss of his father, you suggested the books of Alan Watts. Could you elaborate on why you suggested Watts' work?
 
A couple of articles on Science Based Medicine that I'd like to share and will be quite useful for those OT posts claiming that anti-depressants are just placebos and that it is an epidemic fueled by psychiatrists and "Big Pharma".

On Placebo
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/antidepressants-and-effect-size/

On psychiatry
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/angells-review-of-psychiatry/

Another very well written blog on the issue
http://phenomenologyofmadness.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/beyond-harrow-jobe-taking-stock-of-the-current-debate-on-psychiatric-medications/
 
I gave the free writing a go earlier. Felt pretty good, just to let my thoughts at the time form into lines on paper. Had doubts about even sharing it, but a reliable source has approved it, so it should be okay. I retyped it out and fixed some things, due to bad handwriting and some pen related mess ups (should have used pencil). But if you want to look at the original, you can do so here. This is my crazy ramblings on the matter of sleep, and other things:

These days, sleeping is probably the best part of the day for me. Dreaming of a better reality, escaping the pain and emptiness of this current one. Even if there is no recollection of the dream, just having that one place were you no longer feel anything is great. So much so, that on occasion, I will sleep when it's unrequired. I sometimes desire having that same feeling forever, I would have enough sleeping tablets for such a thing to happen. Enough for the "big sleep" if you like, but that would not be so wise. Which is what my deeper thoughts will tell me.

One might not be sure why I hesitate in such a way, based on my current situation. Sometimes, I'm not completely sure myself. I guess I feel like I would be giving up too soon, like leaving a movie early before giving it a chance to get to the good part. Based on the average life span, I would have around 50 years to go yet. I suppose it's only fair I give it a chance before putting an end to it. Will it get any better for me? No idea. But to keep on going is the only way I will find out. We only get this unique life of ours once, after all. When things become too much, I will always take comfort in those unnecessary sleeps, but I'm not ready to give up just yet.
 
So bear with me here,

I don't suffer from clinical depression, never given anyone a chance to diagnose me. Overall I don't feel like I'm depressed most of the time. However, given my living situation and the choices I've made in the past I have had spells of it come and go. Other than that I'm relatively happy and the like.

My question to you guys is whether or not you'd be uncomfortable with someone like me hanging around this thread from time to time? I feel as though many people who have been through or are going through depression have a better perspective than others on what's important in life and I'm seeking that type of camaraderie right now. I certainly do not wish to make anyone uncomfortable though.

It's a small world, friend.

I wouldn't consider myself clinically depressed either, and yet I'm here... Mental Health is complicated. As long as you don't pull out the "kids in Africa have it worse" or "just smile more" advice, you'll be welcome. Feel free to rant/give advice/confess/whatever you feel like.

Now if somebody could please tell me why i purposely keep hurting myself emotionally, that'd be much appreciated. I'm an idiot.

I say you are absolutely welcome to pop in, be it to speak your mind about you or to others. If I can ask you, in another topic with a GAF user trying to handle the eventual loss of his father, you suggested the books of Alan Watts. Could you elaborate on why you suggested Watts' work?

Cue Stepbrothers "did we just become best friends" moment
 
I say you are absolutely welcome to pop in, be it to speak your mind about you or to others. If I can ask you, in another topic with a GAF user trying to handle the eventual loss of his father, you suggested the books of Alan Watts. Could you elaborate on why you suggested Watts' work?

Watts came to my attention during a time where I was discovering metaphysics after a life of being a rigid materialist. While I was absorbing western philosophies his delivery of eastern philosophies really helped me open my mind up to think about things differently. I was struggling to shake the world view I had grown so comfortable with despite the fact that philosophic and metaphysical exploration had such a profound impact on my life. I feel that had I not discovered his lectures I would still be struggling with my previous way of thinking and for that I owe a great deal.

That said, I think Watts was a better speaker than writer but I find it's very difficult to suggest someone sit and listen to a lecture rather than read a book. Even though people may not accept specific concepts of eastern philosophy I do think that it can be beneficial westerners to learn other perspectives. At the very least they'll have the ability to hold some form of conversation about it, but more often than not I've witnessed a good deal of growth come out of it. Death is just one of the areas that fear and burden can be lifted from.
 
Watts came to my attention during a time where I was discovering metaphysics after a life of being a rigid materialist. While I was absorbing western philosophies his delivery of eastern philosophies really helped me open my mind up to think about things differently. I was struggling to shake the world view I had grown so comfortable with despite the fact that philosophic and metaphysical exploration had such a profound impact on my life. I feel that had I not discovered his lectures I would still be struggling with my previous way of thinking and for that I owe a great deal.

That said, I think Watts was a better speaker than writer but I find it's very difficult to suggest someone sit and listen to a lecture rather than read a book. Even though people may not accept specific concepts of eastern philosophy I do think that it can be beneficial westerners to learn other perspectives. At the very least they'll have the ability to hold some form of conversation about it, but more often than not I've witnessed a good deal of growth come out of it. Death is just one of the areas that fear and burden can be lifted from.

I feel almost the exact same way as you, but I'd go so far as to argue that perhaps Watts' views and what he was able to argue about was done with such clarity that it feels like he was preaching truth. Granted, much of it goes in the face of what we're often told or conditioned to think about ourselves or the cosmos, but when you really grasp what he's saying, every word that comes from that man is genuine ether, a bastion of truth and wisdom. Next to Carl Sagan, I would say Alan Watts was perhaps one of the greatest thinkers and speakers of the last 100 years.

Where do you sit regarding your views of the world today? I still think much of Watts spoke of rings true even today, which shows the pure weight of what he spoke about.
 
Do you know of Watts, or was that in reference to me asking someone else? :P

We talked and you told me Watts was your favourite philosopher? :D

Also I can tell more about why I'm an idiot later, I'm moving today. Not helping me feel less frustrated, that's for sure.
 
I feel almost the exact same way as you, but I'd go so far as to argue that perhaps Watts' views and what he was able to argue about was done with such clarity that it feels like he was preaching truth. Granted, much of it goes in the face of what we're often told or conditioned to think about ourselves or the cosmos, but when you really grasp what he's saying, every word that comes from that man is genuine ether, a bastion of truth and wisdom. Next to Carl Sagan, I would say Alan Watts was perhaps one of the greatest thinkers and speakers of the last 100 years.

Where do you sit regarding your views of the world today? I still think much of Watts spoke of rings true even today, which shows the pure weight of what he spoke about.

His way of presenting things is exactly why he was such an effective teacher. I think that ultimately he presents a flavor of universal wisdom that really works for some but not all, but comes from exactly that - universal wisdom. From a personal standpoint I haven't adopted a great deal of specific parts from his approach other than that concerning death. However his perspective on death is only part of what I think about it. I have a deep level of respect for him though and will always.

My path is mainly Hermetic in nature mixed with a few Taoistic themes. The wonderful thing about them is that while they both have unique approaches, with equal study you'll notice how profoundly similar they are in meaning and depth.

Also, in a past life I would've agreed with you till I was blue in the face about Sagan. On some level I still do. I've come to hold much different people in highest regards these days though. I'd much rather talk about Franz Bardon or Manly Hall for example.
 
We talked and you told me Watts was your favourite philosopher? :D

OH, right. Your icon caught me off guard, so I sort of forgot I spoke to you. I knew your name rung a bell, so thanks for reminding me! :P

His way of presenting things is exactly why he was such an effective teacher. I think that ultimately he presents a flavor of universal wisdom that really works for some but not all, but comes from exactly that - universal wisdom. From a personal standpoint I haven't adopted a great deal of specific parts from his approach other than that concerning death. However his perspective on death is only part of what I think about it. I have a deep level of respect for him though and will always.

My path is mainly Hermetic in nature mixed with a few Taoistic themes. The wonderful thing about them is that while they both have unique approaches, with equal study you'll notice how profoundly similar they are in meaning and depth.

Also, in a past life I would've agreed with you till I was blue in the face about Sagan. On some level I still do. I've come to hold much different people in highest regards these days though. I'd much rather talk about Franz Bardon or Manly Hall for example.

That's all fantastic and well, man. I am not familiar with Hermetic views, nor the people you speak of, but I am sure there is some wisdom to it. I am not familiar with mysticism beyond some of the preachings of RuPaul. For a drag queen, I think what he says about how we define ourselves and what we think of one another to have much wisdom, that we are all really more than what we identify with. There is so much to learn about oneself and of the cosmos, it's crazy fun, but it's also to be mindful that some may have answers which may only be snake oil. I think this is a fundamental thing that forces us to not instantly drink the Kool-Aid in life, but think about things and put things into practice. I hope nobody takes what I say about anyone or anything to be taken as absolutes, for one has to play with the dice to get a feel of the game at hand. To quote physicist Thomas Warren Campbell, "Only truth can produce significant consistent results". I'm not sure what I think about his Theory of Everything, though. :P
 
I feel bad that my freewriting wasn't terribly free, but it's great to see people really giving it a go. I'll do another one later. For now, I do want to finish saying

Why Fiction Is The Best Poster on NeoGAF


I do legitimately think that Fiction is the best poster on this forum. I don't know how she stays so reasonable and level-headed, even when dealing with idiotic bullshit in controversial topics - I lose my shit in more or less every OT mental health-y thread. She always has interesting stuff to say, and about a wide range of topics. She's super funny, but she generally resists the urge to make yet ANOTHER lame joke in any thread where someone needs advice on sex or something.

Fiction is, of course, known for being ridiculously nice to people. But too many people sell her short as "that nice guy (not everyone knows that Fiction is a girl :P )." There's more to her than that. It's also easy to write off her kindness because "she's just nice to everybody." But if you are lucky enough to get to know Fiction better, you learn that her giant heart has another, smaller heart inside of it. It's not like you're just one of the zillion people Fiction is nice to. She is an extraordinary friend, and part of that is that she makes you feel like you have a unique relationship with her. She remembers inside jokes and things you say, songs you like, and she will share more of herself - her stories, her interests, and her struggles. I did not have any sisters growing up, but I'm very lucky to have acquired a small number, and that's very much how I feel about Fiction. She's so nice to everyone, but if you really get to know her, you get so much more. Her concern is so personal - like how she got after me to go see my doctor - and she'll be kind and supportive, but she'll also poke and prod you to get your ass in gear. It's the kind of thing that really only works if you're very close to someone. It's not quite "tough love," but it's something along those lines.

I guess what I've learned from Fiction is that being really nice, or trying to, does not make you some kind of sap, or a push-over. I'm VERY selective about my friends, and I can be very sarcastic and dismissive of people who I don't hit it off with (I've gotten better at suppressing those instincts). I somehow assumed that being nicer to everyone would make the kindness I want to show my friends somehow worth less, or they would have a harder time seeing that I was being especially nice to them because I care about them. If you're lucky enough to get to know Fiction, you'll quickly see that that is not the case. Being her friend is so amazing because you quickly figure out exactly how genuine she is, and she makes you feel like the friendship she offers you is unique.

Kindness is something we could all work harder to cultivate. And some people look down on that as "beta" (yuck) or think it makes you a pushover. I guess the theory there is that you horde kindness and ration it out to a few select people. But Fiction is one of the very first person I became close to from the community, and she is more loved and respected than just about anybody on this forum. You can be kind AND funny and sarcastic/teasing and silly and smart and all the rest. Kindness can be in rather short supply in the world, especially among young people raised on cynicism, who tend to see kindness as some kind of sign of a simple mind. But Fiction is simply kinder AND smarter AND funnier than just about anyone you'll meet anywhere. She's a real inspiration to be a better person, which is about the nicest thing I can say about anyone.

Fiction, we're so lucky to have you in this community - it would not be the same without you. I'm so lucky to count you as a friend and I love you very much.

(kinda freewrote that, with just a few edits!)
 
So. Text dump incoming.

I recently transferred from a CC to a four year college to finish up my degree. The other night, I randomly felt dizzy and and threw up then went to walk. Felt like I was going to pass out, so I went to the hospital. Diagnosed me with heat exhaustion, put me in an air conditioned room and let me go.

Was back last night after throwing up yet again. Earlier in the day, I felt really anxious at the end of one of my classes as well. They gave me shit for nausea and said I was having an anxiety attack. Gave me half a pill or something and I stayed the night. Talked to a councilor and then went home.

Went to see the doctor today and had another one. Admittedly, this time from something regarding a close friend or two. He prescribed me Xanax for when I had them to take to calm me down if I need it again. Not a regular thing.

I honestly just think it was heat exhaustion which brought on an anxiety attack because if was the first time I was sick away from home. Which then caused another out of fear of another happening and then caused one today because I've barely slept. Doctor seems to think taking one to kind of put the "snowball" back at the "top of the hill" might stop this and be enough.

Has anyone ever had anything similar happen or have they dealt with Xanax when not having anxiety issues before then?

Thanks in advance guys.
 
I doubt any of you will read this, or care to respond to it, but I'll share anyway.

I came upon this video two years ago, a short while after it was uploaded, and I must say, it rings true for a lot of the problems I, and possibly many of us, face in this thread. The video is a TED talk by Shawn Anchor called The Happiness Advantage. It's very insightful, even if the knowledge may seem elementary or is "stuff you (I) already know". If nothing, the video is good for a few laughs, which is never a bad thing.

For me especially this rings true. Growing up, I placed a lot of pressure on myself. When I was in elementary school, I was one of the kids who learned to read and write very late. I was struggling with picture books when everyone was moving on to simple novels. When I overcame that obstacle (and admittedly zipped ahead of everyone else in terms of reading and writing), I subconsciously told myself "Good. Now do better.". This has continued for years now. Good grades? Get better ones, etc. By constantly shifting my goal post, I was never able to attain the level of satisfaction that everyone else got from doing good or even average. Everything was either expected, or a disappointment. I attempted to weed out disappointment by setting my expectations of everything low. That way if I screwed up, it was expected. I can't be sad over something I knew would happen. If I didn't screw up, and I did better than what I deemed to be failure, I'd be mildly pleased for a few seconds and that was that.

Something like positive psychology, which is the focus of the TED talk, has always been a foreign concept to me. I never thought about things the way Shawn Anchor presented them. Now that I am, I realized how much I've fucked myself up my whole life. Hopefully some of you will watch this and at least get a laugh or two out of it, if nothing else.
 
So, second official job (ever) is now my second lost official job (ever). And once again it's my fault. I know in the long run it'll look so small and insignificant, but boy does this do no favors for my confidence right now.
 
All these freewriting exercises makes me wanna do one as well! Although I'm not built for it. I need to be in a certain mindset for it to work and it's not something I can bring on just like that. The infamous "swenis" chat for example.. Or that one time when I tried to watch Eyes wide shut. There was another instance as well pretty recently that I can't really remember. Things just flows through me and it feels great in those instances. Things makes sense, life is worth living and I have a purpose. I think that it's usually sleep deprivation that brings it on. My brain is like an episode of Gilmore girls when it happens, everything is a reference and makes me think of something else. Moving from topic to topic without making much sense to anyone but me. I guess I kind of am freewriting. Maybe I'm built for it after all.
 
I'm staying in the room I was in during my teenage years, so I have lots of my old crap to dig through. I found this gem from my Junior yearbook, written by my dearly departed friend, Eben - the guy we named our son after. I thought seeing what he had written would bring me to tears, and it did, but I also laughed my ass off. I'm writing more posts about some of you guys, as I think it's a really great project (I loved reading what samk, jb, and bugs wrote!). I wanted to share these words from my friend with all of you, because I feel like they could just as easily have come from my own heart.


Here's the freewriting I did before that, started in the dark because a storm knocked out our power.

oHLfKX0.jpg
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom