HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome. Man, I wish I could have met Eben. He sounded like a great guy.
Edited to add: Gotta say that your freewriting on him (and everything) made me a little teary. Granted, this isn't hard to do but still.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome. Man, I wish I could have met Eben. He sounded like a great guy.
Edited to add: Gotta say that your freewriting on him (and everything) made me a little teary. Granted, this isn't hard to do but still.
Man so many great responses! I didnt think my idea would catch on like this 
Here is my short freewriting about the depgaf community. Its not exactly the best written thing ever but whatever (I wrote it in a notebook, then transcribed it here)
My feelings about depgaf is that it is my favourite community on GAF baceause it is so full of love. Everybody here just wants the best for the rest of the members of the community and everybody is super helpfull. Fillerb and Collin are great at handling issues in the chat. Oomi is so much better than she thinks she is. Bgls posts always make me smile. Bugs is the nicest guy ever. Dont get into an argument with Classypenguin because you are going to loose it. I think bgls already said enough about Fiction. I guess bottom line is even if it maybe didnt come across in my text is that I love this community.
Here is my short freewriting about the depgaf community. Its not exactly the best written thing ever but whatever (I wrote it in a notebook, then transcribed it here)
My feelings about depgaf is that it is my favourite community on GAF baceause it is so full of love. Everybody here just wants the best for the rest of the members of the community and everybody is super helpfull. Fillerb and Collin are great at handling issues in the chat. Oomi is so much better than she thinks she is. Bgls posts always make me smile. Bugs is the nicest guy ever. Dont get into an argument with Classypenguin because you are going to loose it. I think bgls already said enough about Fiction. I guess bottom line is even if it maybe didnt come across in my text is that I love this community.
A few more.
In Praise of Prax
Prax has not been around as much, what with her wedding and real life to attend to, so Im not sure everyone realizes just what a fixture she is around these parts. But in my mind, she has always kind of been the head of depression-GAF. So far as my contributions to the community go, Im honestly not sure what they would be if Prax werent around. Prax set up our first chat. Meeting people in there, and learning that were lurkers who were following the thread and finding it helpful (and liked my posts!) gave me a big boost to keep at it, especially during times when I got down or felt like my posts were ignored. Friendships Ive made before or since have been strengthened immensely through our IRC chat - I owe Prax for setting that up.
Before I ever drew a cartoon for the thread, I drew some for people in chat, Prax (who has some actual artistic chops!) chief among them. She encouraged me in that silly endeavor. Some of my earliest GAF doodles were actually copies of Praxs anime-ized self portrait.
Prax was the first person from the community who was willing to give me an address to write a letter, and still one of the few to write back.
Prax helped me write this threads OP, and setting it up was very much a collaboration between the two of us (with lots of help from others).
Prax, like Fiction, changed the way I post (Ive even ripped off the Prax mega-post idea a few times). Prax gives what I think is the best advice in here, delivered in a direct, friendly, and personalized manner. She reads EVERYTHING, and tries her darnedest to respond to everything she can. Whereas I have gotten annoyed with folks in the past, she is always her same goofy, reasonable self. Ive posted angrier things before, and felt dumb when Prax followed up with something way more level-headed and helpful.
Yet I know its a struggle for Prax to be social and, for example, help out a fellow community member with some spare computer parts. Its super inspirational to see her set aside her own issues in an effort to help someone else out.
Prax is a great example of someone who has taken adversity and made the best of it. I freaking love her comics, featuring PlatyPrax (who doesnt?) both because I love the silly character (or Prax randomly turning into fruit) but also because I really love how she is able to laugh about times in her life when things dont go so hot. She sets a great example and her upbeat, goofy nature is completely infectious. A big reason Ive stuck around here so long is because of Prax.
Let Us Sing of Oomikami
(already running out of titles)
Hermii pointed it out nicely, I just noticed. Oomi is really stuck in a place where she dislikes herself and doubts that she does anything for anyone. So, man, let me tell you about Oomi! If we want to talk about people who make this community what it is, people who are always in here trying their very best to be helpful and simultaneously to fight their own battles, Oomi is sort of in a class by herself. Few people have been as consistently helpful and have done so much to make people feel less alone by being so candid about their own struggles.
Talking again about people who have made me stick around the community, when times have gotten tough for me, Oomi has been such an ally. She keeps after me to take care of myself, listens to me complain so you guys dont have to, puts up with my jokes, and is just all around an amazing friend.
I think in particular about this one time, a few months back, when things were totally unraveling for me. Oomi was in a bad mood too. I messaged her on Steam and she was a little standoffish, for good reason, as I had been a real jerk to her. But I just kind of said, Oomi, things are going very badly... and she instantly switched over. She said something like, I can be mad at you later, lets talk about this now, and then listened to me whine for ages and ages.
I was so moved by that. She had every right to be mad, as I am not always the best friend to people I care about, but she made it clear that her concern for me trumped all that. Ill never forget that.
I've shared things with Oomi that I haven't really discussed with anyone else. I think it's because Oomi is so open in general, and all the more so if you chat with her on Steam or something. Her candor encourages me to be more open, which is so great because I tend to bottle things up. She'll share a lot of her life with you and, in return, you know you can trust her to hear about yours.
Oomi worries that she just bums people out in here, but her friendship means the world to me. Shes always telling people who are down to PM her and I see her pop in in OT threads about depression and anxiety. And her art is a constant source of inspiration to people in here. She has found ways to describe the suffering of mental illness that ring very true with people. I could not admire that more. Love ya, Oomi!
Lord, number our Swecides, that we may learn to live well
I wanted to round out this group with long-time-d-gaffer-but-still-junior-member, Swecide (who also happens to be male, so I can dodge charges that Im laying it on thick with our lady members in hopes of getting some smooches. Little do they know how smoochable swe is...). Swecide is a fixture of our IRC channel (which he now operates because Prax got lazy), where he is always affectionately known as Swe (people often end up with nicknames, both for fun and for ease of typing, but Swes nickname always strikes me as very affectionate). Swe was the lurker who made me realize that the stuff we post here has a much wider audience than youd think. Without being a GAF member, he helped with the IRC channel, hosted our mumble server, and provided a lot of technical know-how as needed.
Swe has basically charmed the pants off of everyone (sometimes literally!) with his dry wit and Scandinavian reserve. It is impossible to not like the guy. He gets more than his fair share of teasing in the chat, which he takes with incredible good grace and humor. And he has been responsible for some of the absolute funniest things that have ever happened in our chats, where funny things are by no means rare.
Hell always talk to me about stuff I post, and let me know that its not all stupid crap, which is my gut reaction every time. There are many of us from chat who can share little stories about times we were down and Swe was there to talk to us.
He also has *the* greatest accent in our voice chat. Its unreal.
I wish I knew what lesson to draw from Swe. I like everything about that guy, and he is absolutely beloved in IRC, but the ultimate secret to his immense charm eludes me at present. I hope other people can chime in and help me figure out his secret.
In Praise of Prax
Prax has not been around as much, what with her wedding and real life to attend to, so Im not sure everyone realizes just what a fixture she is around these parts. But in my mind, she has always kind of been the head of depression-GAF. So far as my contributions to the community go, Im honestly not sure what they would be if Prax werent around. Prax set up our first chat. Meeting people in there, and learning that were lurkers who were following the thread and finding it helpful (and liked my posts!) gave me a big boost to keep at it, especially during times when I got down or felt like my posts were ignored. Friendships Ive made before or since have been strengthened immensely through our IRC chat - I owe Prax for setting that up.
Before I ever drew a cartoon for the thread, I drew some for people in chat, Prax (who has some actual artistic chops!) chief among them. She encouraged me in that silly endeavor. Some of my earliest GAF doodles were actually copies of Praxs anime-ized self portrait.
Prax was the first person from the community who was willing to give me an address to write a letter, and still one of the few to write back.
Prax helped me write this threads OP, and setting it up was very much a collaboration between the two of us (with lots of help from others).
Prax, like Fiction, changed the way I post (Ive even ripped off the Prax mega-post idea a few times). Prax gives what I think is the best advice in here, delivered in a direct, friendly, and personalized manner. She reads EVERYTHING, and tries her darnedest to respond to everything she can. Whereas I have gotten annoyed with folks in the past, she is always her same goofy, reasonable self. Ive posted angrier things before, and felt dumb when Prax followed up with something way more level-headed and helpful.
Yet I know its a struggle for Prax to be social and, for example, help out a fellow community member with some spare computer parts. Its super inspirational to see her set aside her own issues in an effort to help someone else out.
Prax is a great example of someone who has taken adversity and made the best of it. I freaking love her comics, featuring PlatyPrax (who doesnt?) both because I love the silly character (or Prax randomly turning into fruit) but also because I really love how she is able to laugh about times in her life when things dont go so hot. She sets a great example and her upbeat, goofy nature is completely infectious. A big reason Ive stuck around here so long is because of Prax.
Let Us Sing of Oomikami
(already running out of titles)
Hermii pointed it out nicely, I just noticed. Oomi is really stuck in a place where she dislikes herself and doubts that she does anything for anyone. So, man, let me tell you about Oomi! If we want to talk about people who make this community what it is, people who are always in here trying their very best to be helpful and simultaneously to fight their own battles, Oomi is sort of in a class by herself. Few people have been as consistently helpful and have done so much to make people feel less alone by being so candid about their own struggles.
Talking again about people who have made me stick around the community, when times have gotten tough for me, Oomi has been such an ally. She keeps after me to take care of myself, listens to me complain so you guys dont have to, puts up with my jokes, and is just all around an amazing friend.
I think in particular about this one time, a few months back, when things were totally unraveling for me. Oomi was in a bad mood too. I messaged her on Steam and she was a little standoffish, for good reason, as I had been a real jerk to her. But I just kind of said, Oomi, things are going very badly... and she instantly switched over. She said something like, I can be mad at you later, lets talk about this now, and then listened to me whine for ages and ages.
I was so moved by that. She had every right to be mad, as I am not always the best friend to people I care about, but she made it clear that her concern for me trumped all that. Ill never forget that.
I've shared things with Oomi that I haven't really discussed with anyone else. I think it's because Oomi is so open in general, and all the more so if you chat with her on Steam or something. Her candor encourages me to be more open, which is so great because I tend to bottle things up. She'll share a lot of her life with you and, in return, you know you can trust her to hear about yours.
Oomi worries that she just bums people out in here, but her friendship means the world to me. Shes always telling people who are down to PM her and I see her pop in in OT threads about depression and anxiety. And her art is a constant source of inspiration to people in here. She has found ways to describe the suffering of mental illness that ring very true with people. I could not admire that more. Love ya, Oomi!
Lord, number our Swecides, that we may learn to live well
I wanted to round out this group with long-time-d-gaffer-but-still-junior-member, Swecide (who also happens to be male, so I can dodge charges that Im laying it on thick with our lady members in hopes of getting some smooches. Little do they know how smoochable swe is...). Swecide is a fixture of our IRC channel (which he now operates because Prax got lazy), where he is always affectionately known as Swe (people often end up with nicknames, both for fun and for ease of typing, but Swes nickname always strikes me as very affectionate). Swe was the lurker who made me realize that the stuff we post here has a much wider audience than youd think. Without being a GAF member, he helped with the IRC channel, hosted our mumble server, and provided a lot of technical know-how as needed.
Swe has basically charmed the pants off of everyone (sometimes literally!) with his dry wit and Scandinavian reserve. It is impossible to not like the guy. He gets more than his fair share of teasing in the chat, which he takes with incredible good grace and humor. And he has been responsible for some of the absolute funniest things that have ever happened in our chats, where funny things are by no means rare.
Hell always talk to me about stuff I post, and let me know that its not all stupid crap, which is my gut reaction every time. There are many of us from chat who can share little stories about times we were down and Swe was there to talk to us.
He also has *the* greatest accent in our voice chat. Its unreal.
I wish I knew what lesson to draw from Swe. I like everything about that guy, and he is absolutely beloved in IRC, but the ultimate secret to his immense charm eludes me at present. I hope other people can chime in and help me figure out his secret.
That second freewrite you did was beautiful, Bagels. I found it incredibly moving.
Thanks, man. I was in a strange place, mentally. Sitting in the dark, late at night, in my old room, having spent the day with my kid and my parents. Kind of melancholy and happy at the same time? I dunno.
I meant your first one, the handwritten one, of course. Not the passage from Eben, which itself put a smile on my face.
I get like that sometimes, as I was reading it earlier I started crying a lot. Something in there resonates with me, about how telling people what you feel is really important. And since I've read it, I've started thinking back to the last really close friend I had at school, and how I never told him how I felt, and how I loved him. I lost him because he moved away, and because he went to a different school, with different beliefs and overbearing parents. I never thought I'd be able to hold onto him, but now I sit here and think about it.. I wonder if I should've done more. He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met, and he's gone. So I went looking around in boxes trying to find some memento of his, because I remembered the silly notes and drawings we used to share, the little comments we made on our exam papers, the dumb way we used to trademark our jokes, or pretend our signatures were fancy and important. I remember the way he used to nudge his glasses or the way ummed when he was nervous. And now, I realise I haven't thought about any of this or him in years, and that I never got to say what I felt because I was too busy having fun or with schoolwork. But I can't find the boxes where my school things would be stored, and unless I can find them, I think they're gone forever.
This is all dumb and I should be too old to be upset about childhood regrets, but it's just killing me.
I apologize if this is too down-trodden, but, something in my head just clicked and I felt the need to pour out. I can delete it, if someone doesn't want to see this kind of thing.
I get like that sometimes, as I was reading it earlier I started crying a lot. Something in there resonates with me, about how telling people what you feel is really important. And since I've read it, I've started thinking back to the last really close friend I had at school, and how I never told him how I felt, and how I loved him. I lost him because he moved away, and because he went to a different school, with different beliefs and overbearing parents. I never thought I'd be able to hold onto him, but now I sit here and think about it.. I wonder if I should've done more. He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met, and he's gone. So I went looking around in boxes trying to find some memento of his, because I remembered the silly notes and drawings we used to share, the little comments we made on our exam papers, the dumb way we used to trademark our jokes, or pretend our signatures were fancy and important. I remember the way he used to nudge his glasses or the way ummed when he was nervous. And now, I realise I haven't thought about any of this or him in years, and that I never got to say what I felt because I was too busy having fun or with schoolwork. But I can't find the boxes where my school things would be stored, and unless I can find them, I think they're gone forever.
This is all dumb and I should be too old to be upset about childhood regrets, but it's just killing me.
I apologize if this is too down-trodden, but, something in my head just clicked and I felt the need to pour out. I can delete it, if someone doesn't want to see this kind of thing.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Can I bring the level of discussion down a notch?
Penis.
Carry on...
Penis.
Carry on...
Oi, shush.
And yeah, seriously, the dude is very funny and energetic throughout the performance. The 12 minutes just flies by. And twerking is not the thing Miley Cyrus does. That's just an abomination. I don't even know what to call it, really.Did Bagels hack you?
So...can SamK just delete his post, or change the name, or...
I meant your first one, the handwritten one, of course. Not the passage from Eben, which itself put a smile on my face.
I get like that sometimes, as I was reading it earlier I started crying a lot. Something in there resonates with me, about how telling people what you feel is really important. And since I've read it, I've started thinking back to the last really close friend I had at school, and how I never told him how I felt, and how I loved him. I lost him because he moved away, and because he went to a different school, with different beliefs and overbearing parents. I never thought I'd be able to hold onto him, but now I sit here and think about it.. I wonder if I should've done more. He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met, and he's gone. So I went looking around in boxes trying to find some memento of his, because I remembered the silly notes and drawings we used to share, the little comments we made on our exam papers, the dumb way we used to trademark our jokes, or pretend our signatures were fancy and important. I remember the way he used to nudge his glasses or the way ummed when he was nervous. And now, I realise I haven't thought about any of this or him in years, and that I never got to say what I felt because I was too busy having fun or with schoolwork. But I can't find the boxes where my school things would be stored, and unless I can find them, I think they're gone forever.
This is all dumb and I should be too old to be upset about childhood regrets, but it's just killing me.
I apologize if this is too down-trodden, but, something in my head just clicked and I felt the need to pour out. I can delete it, if someone doesn't want to see this kind of thing.
I'm touched that anyone found that moving. I tried to really do some freewriting. I wanted to write about the power being off, but I drifted on to my son and then to the guy he's named after. It was a really great exercise - Hermii really nailed it with this idea.
I try not to have those regrets, Mono. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is a pretty new thing for me. And part of that definitely is that I never got to tell Eben what he meant to us (he knew both my wife and I before we had met - he was a special friend to both of us). That is sort of his last gift to me, and it's an important one.
We give what we can, when we can. The friendship I would offer Eben today is different than the friendship I offered him at 17, or in my early 20s. I'd tell him I love him now, express it more. But our friendship was still special to both of us and I don't feel too bad that it was implied more than said. That's how I was then, he was part of that, and he's a big part of who I have become now.
After he passed away, it changed how I am. A big moment was after my son was born, which also made me more emotional. I wrote to Eben's parents to say that we named our son after their son, and to tell them why we did so (I can show you the letter if you'd like). That was a big deal for me. I had gotten better at expressing my emotions, but this was my biggest heart-on-sleeve moment yet.
Now, sappy-bagels is a definite thing. I'll keep writing about people from this community - to say it publicly and make them know they're appreciated, to embarrass them
P), because it's what I do and what I like to write, because none of us hear it enough, and because I am trying to see what makes them so darn likeable, and what we can learn from that. Instead of living with your regrets, if you can't contact your old friend somehow, you have to just think that you gave each other what you could at the time. And who you are now is partly a product of that friendship. The jokes are almost certainly still with you, some of the ways you talked. It's a great gift to have had that friendship and to think of with new friends, and try to once again give them all that you can. If your old friend inspires you to be a better friend now, then what an amazing testament that is.
Eben was a musician, and I feel like I can keep him with me by listening to more music and trying to learn to play it myself (which I have failed to do), and by sharing it with others. He was also hilarious, in both a very smart way and a very goofy way (the rest of his yearbook message is filled with goofy inside jokes). Trying to make people laugh makes me feel close to him, too, as some of my sense of humor comes from him.
I just try not to look back with regret too much. We're the products of everything that has happened to us. Who knows who any of us would be without all of the good and bad stuff? So long as we learn from it and grow, I think we're doing okay.
Why do I write so much? Somebody stop me.
DJ Lushious
Member
This is me. I throw my heart out there for the other person and at the end it always leaves me a jumbled mess that takes far too long to undo all the knots left behind. For whatever reason, I've never been one to hold back in a relationship. I give it my all or I give it nothing. There are no shades of grey.Neil Gaiman said:
My ex didn't feel the same way. She was the exact polar opposite. So reserved, secretive, private, and self-centered. I don't see how anyone can expect a continuing relationship when the other person has trusted you with themselves without reciprocation.
This song has been playing back through my head over and over again, as it captures my current mood, thoughts, and feelings:
Tom Waits - Falling Down
Lyrics
Tom Waits is a musician I've fallen in love with over the past few years. His lyrics are so gritty, raw, and moving, all wrapped up in a street busker package.
All in all, what I am trying to say is I am having a tough time today...
I used to stuff all of my feelings deep down inside. Then after a particularly nasty break-up I opened up to my best friend (at the time). His reaction was so receptive and for the first time in my life someone I cared very much and accepted how I truly felt deep down inside. It made me come to understand that our feelings are very real and those people that don't accept those feelings aren't worth your time at all.
And never stop writing, bgls. You write very well. That is a skill not everyone can tout. Now I'm being selfish, but I'd really miss seeing your musings!
User 100115
Banned
I still have no internets but I am in a place where my phone gets signal so I decided to try and see how you guys were. Bgls, happy cries. The fact that you think of me so highly makes me a better person. More when I have nets. I love you guys ve kind to yourselves.
It's purely the other way, Fiction! Knowing you does make me a better person, or at least makes me want to be one! I hope the move is going well! I can't wait to see you back in chat, in the thread, streaming games...We all love you to death, and I feel so lucky to count you as a friend. You are legitimately the best. I don't know anyone simultaneously so killer smart, so funny, and with such an enormous heart. Also, with them looks! Hubba-hubba!
I hope people don't get the impression that I just go around complimenting everyone. I mean every word I say, and while I do wear my heart on my sleeve, it's always directed at people I love, people who mean so much to me. and you really do mean the world to me, Fiction. I know no one else like you, which is too bad as the world could use a whole lot more of you.
<3
I'll do another freewriting thing tonight - I'll keep doing them until more people try it! It really is a great exercise.
I'll also keep doing these quasi-freewrites, extolling the virtues of my fellow D-GAFfers. It helps to get over that sense of "gosh, would it be somehow embarrassing to say this about someone?" and just pour out the reasons that people are great. Try it!
Two D-GAF Success Stories
Agent Cooper is the Greatest
I feel bad about posting this, because shell go Golly! and turn all red and die, but I cant pass up the chance to tell everyone how amazing my friend AgentCooper is. Cooper is a real D-GAF success story. She doesnt post a ton, which is a shame because shes a phenomenal writer. Shes one of those people who write in a totally unique voice that just could not be anyone else. Shes funnier, more incisive, and more self-reflective than she has any right to be and it makes me jealous as hell.
Anyway, Ive know Cooper for a while now, and Im still not sure how we became such close friends. But Im so glad we are. A day in which Cooper does not text me asking if I want to fucking fight?! is just not a day at all. When we first met, she was contemplating a big move to Texas, thinking about starting therapy, and just generally a bit more of a mess. But a mess that was trying to get it together. Today, I dont think shed tell you that she has it all together, but she is living in Texas, going to college, and just strikes me as a thousand times more sure of herself. I think that, deep down, she knows that her problem is that she has outgrown everyone around her. Shes the youngest member of the usual mumble crew, but its not like that is ever very apparent. Not only does she fit it, but she is basically the most popular person on there. When Coop logs in, everyone perks up, because things get way more fun. She sings silly songs, will improvise scenes with people, will stream games for our amusement, make terrible puns, make fun of my voice (which would hurt if I didnt laugh every time), threaten to fight people - its hard to describe the wonderfully surreal tone she sets. And, man, we basically all want to live in Coops world. She got us all to sign up for twitter, for example, because we were all following her account religiously.
Cooper is so sweet, and put up with me during my darkest times and during the times when my meds made me nuts. Shes unbelievably funny (which is a very serious compliment to me - I think it takes a lot for a person to be genuinely funny) - one of the funniest people I know, which is saying something; way smarter than shell admit; and more perceptive about people than really anyone I know. She is a very kee student of human nature. She has her own voice and her own way of doing things and I just see her embracing it more and more. Cooper is the person I talk to the most from d-GAF - we make a somewhat unlikely pair of friends, let alone bestest friends, but here we are. I could not love Cooper more and Im so proud of the progress she has made.
For all he teasing of poor Bagels, she really is someone who makes me feel like I should just be who I am and thats the person she likes to know. And thats the example she sets. The more Cooper she is, the happier she is, and the more were all drawn to her. Whenever I think that be yourself is lame advice, I think about how much that applies to Coop. The more she finds her true self, and is true to that self, the better it is for everyone. And she really values that authenticity in others. It really is awesome to have someone who just really wants you to be you and lets you know how much she appreciates you even if you are a giant nerd. If the only thing I got out of being part of this community was my friendship with Cooper, it would have all been worth it. she means that much to me.
Nithidia has a lot of names
Nithidia/Nithidis/Lain/Nia/Niamh...how many names can one person go by?! Nithidia has mentioned that she feels bad lately because she has not been able to post as much and when she does post, its often to vent. But, man, if anyone has earned the right to vent (and no one needs to earn that around here), its her. Shes another person who would make the D-GAF starter team. She reads and posts a lot, and Im always impressed by what she has to say. Her advice tends to be really direct, without being rude or dismissive. Its a good lesson for me, as I can beat around the bush a little too much.
Nia is always trying to help others, drawing on her own experiences, which is really th best way to give any advice. And boy has she had some experiences. Ive told Nith before that she is one of the strongest people I know. She has been through an incredible amount, yet remains a kind, optimistic, light-hearted person. Shes super helpful in the thread, and generally part of the cheers-everyone-up-especially-bgls crowd in chat and mumble. Indeed, one of the funniest nights in mumble weve ever had was based around Niths work stories.
Ive known Nith for a long time, and weve talked in depth about her life and issues. When I met her, she was just kind of avoiding this shitty situation at work, going through the motions. Today, shes working her ass off, but I get this real sense that she is much more in control of her future, and has very clear ideas about her own self worth and her own needs and plans. Shes engaging her problems head on. She gets down, she struggles, but I take a lot of strength from watching her try to live her life the way she wants and deserves. She has taken her adversity, drawn perspective and wisdom from it, and uses that knowledge to guide her life. She looks at the ways people have failed to treat her as well as she deserves and, rather than pass along the pain and be all bitter, she chooses to live her life differently. She refuses to continue that cycle of shittiness. It fucking rocks.
Nia is in such a different place than she was in the old thread. But she has never stopped being helpful, improving her own life while trying to help the rest of us. She really, really inspires me, while also making me laugh, making me think, and making me wonder if each new person in chat is truly a new person, or just her with a different name.
I'll also keep doing these quasi-freewrites, extolling the virtues of my fellow D-GAFfers. It helps to get over that sense of "gosh, would it be somehow embarrassing to say this about someone?" and just pour out the reasons that people are great. Try it!
Two D-GAF Success Stories
Agent Cooper is the Greatest
I feel bad about posting this, because shell go Golly! and turn all red and die, but I cant pass up the chance to tell everyone how amazing my friend AgentCooper is. Cooper is a real D-GAF success story. She doesnt post a ton, which is a shame because shes a phenomenal writer. Shes one of those people who write in a totally unique voice that just could not be anyone else. Shes funnier, more incisive, and more self-reflective than she has any right to be and it makes me jealous as hell.
Anyway, Ive know Cooper for a while now, and Im still not sure how we became such close friends. But Im so glad we are. A day in which Cooper does not text me asking if I want to fucking fight?! is just not a day at all. When we first met, she was contemplating a big move to Texas, thinking about starting therapy, and just generally a bit more of a mess. But a mess that was trying to get it together. Today, I dont think shed tell you that she has it all together, but she is living in Texas, going to college, and just strikes me as a thousand times more sure of herself. I think that, deep down, she knows that her problem is that she has outgrown everyone around her. Shes the youngest member of the usual mumble crew, but its not like that is ever very apparent. Not only does she fit it, but she is basically the most popular person on there. When Coop logs in, everyone perks up, because things get way more fun. She sings silly songs, will improvise scenes with people, will stream games for our amusement, make terrible puns, make fun of my voice (which would hurt if I didnt laugh every time), threaten to fight people - its hard to describe the wonderfully surreal tone she sets. And, man, we basically all want to live in Coops world. She got us all to sign up for twitter, for example, because we were all following her account religiously.
Cooper is so sweet, and put up with me during my darkest times and during the times when my meds made me nuts. Shes unbelievably funny (which is a very serious compliment to me - I think it takes a lot for a person to be genuinely funny) - one of the funniest people I know, which is saying something; way smarter than shell admit; and more perceptive about people than really anyone I know. She is a very kee student of human nature. She has her own voice and her own way of doing things and I just see her embracing it more and more. Cooper is the person I talk to the most from d-GAF - we make a somewhat unlikely pair of friends, let alone bestest friends, but here we are. I could not love Cooper more and Im so proud of the progress she has made.
For all he teasing of poor Bagels, she really is someone who makes me feel like I should just be who I am and thats the person she likes to know. And thats the example she sets. The more Cooper she is, the happier she is, and the more were all drawn to her. Whenever I think that be yourself is lame advice, I think about how much that applies to Coop. The more she finds her true self, and is true to that self, the better it is for everyone. And she really values that authenticity in others. It really is awesome to have someone who just really wants you to be you and lets you know how much she appreciates you even if you are a giant nerd. If the only thing I got out of being part of this community was my friendship with Cooper, it would have all been worth it. she means that much to me.
Nithidia has a lot of names
Nithidia/Nithidis/Lain/Nia/Niamh...how many names can one person go by?! Nithidia has mentioned that she feels bad lately because she has not been able to post as much and when she does post, its often to vent. But, man, if anyone has earned the right to vent (and no one needs to earn that around here), its her. Shes another person who would make the D-GAF starter team. She reads and posts a lot, and Im always impressed by what she has to say. Her advice tends to be really direct, without being rude or dismissive. Its a good lesson for me, as I can beat around the bush a little too much.
Nia is always trying to help others, drawing on her own experiences, which is really th best way to give any advice. And boy has she had some experiences. Ive told Nith before that she is one of the strongest people I know. She has been through an incredible amount, yet remains a kind, optimistic, light-hearted person. Shes super helpful in the thread, and generally part of the cheers-everyone-up-especially-bgls crowd in chat and mumble. Indeed, one of the funniest nights in mumble weve ever had was based around Niths work stories.
Ive known Nith for a long time, and weve talked in depth about her life and issues. When I met her, she was just kind of avoiding this shitty situation at work, going through the motions. Today, shes working her ass off, but I get this real sense that she is much more in control of her future, and has very clear ideas about her own self worth and her own needs and plans. Shes engaging her problems head on. She gets down, she struggles, but I take a lot of strength from watching her try to live her life the way she wants and deserves. She has taken her adversity, drawn perspective and wisdom from it, and uses that knowledge to guide her life. She looks at the ways people have failed to treat her as well as she deserves and, rather than pass along the pain and be all bitter, she chooses to live her life differently. She refuses to continue that cycle of shittiness. It fucking rocks.
Nia is in such a different place than she was in the old thread. But she has never stopped being helpful, improving her own life while trying to help the rest of us. She really, really inspires me, while also making me laugh, making me think, and making me wonder if each new person in chat is truly a new person, or just her with a different name.
Time for a bit of freewriting.
I've been thinking about what Bagels said, about how we're shaped by our experiences. I've been a sucker of the "what if?" scenario since I was old enough to understand the concept. Whenever it's used in sci-fi shows, I'm delighted. Alternate realities and all that shit.
I guess I wonder, you know? I got sick with my illness at the young age of 22, just before getting my degree in music. What would have happened if my health remained intact? While I hesitate to say that everything happens for a reason, I have dodged a bunch of bullets. I had been offered a post at my college as pianist, something I obviously had to turn down. In the end, this turned out well because they wouldn't have paid me much and it later gave me a chance to be mentored by an amazing retired opera singer (RIP, Phyllis. I love and miss you). Later on, in 2010, when my health was improved, I auditioned for a program in Chicago. I didn't get it but that turned out to be a good thing because my health failed again right around the time I would have been doing it.
I guess it's just my way of saying that when shit happens (and it always does), there's often a silver lining behind it, even if you have to look really fucking hard. At 33, I'm not remotely the same person I was at 22. I've changed so much, in some ways for the better and in other ways, not. I'm definitely a darker person, more broody but at the same time, I feel that my intense suffering has brought about a better understanding of love and what's really important in this life. It's not possessions, or your career, or great sex. It's the people in it. Perhaps an obvious statement to make but I didn't have a clue at 22.
The jb at 22 never would have been able to compose "Shattered Mind." He wouldn't have understood it. Now, I look at the music I've written and I nod. I'm sad that I've gotten to a place where the darkness is so easy to put to paper but at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am without it, as a person or as an artist.
I've been thinking about what Bagels said, about how we're shaped by our experiences. I've been a sucker of the "what if?" scenario since I was old enough to understand the concept. Whenever it's used in sci-fi shows, I'm delighted. Alternate realities and all that shit.
I guess I wonder, you know? I got sick with my illness at the young age of 22, just before getting my degree in music. What would have happened if my health remained intact? While I hesitate to say that everything happens for a reason, I have dodged a bunch of bullets. I had been offered a post at my college as pianist, something I obviously had to turn down. In the end, this turned out well because they wouldn't have paid me much and it later gave me a chance to be mentored by an amazing retired opera singer (RIP, Phyllis. I love and miss you). Later on, in 2010, when my health was improved, I auditioned for a program in Chicago. I didn't get it but that turned out to be a good thing because my health failed again right around the time I would have been doing it.
I guess it's just my way of saying that when shit happens (and it always does), there's often a silver lining behind it, even if you have to look really fucking hard. At 33, I'm not remotely the same person I was at 22. I've changed so much, in some ways for the better and in other ways, not. I'm definitely a darker person, more broody but at the same time, I feel that my intense suffering has brought about a better understanding of love and what's really important in this life. It's not possessions, or your career, or great sex. It's the people in it. Perhaps an obvious statement to make but I didn't have a clue at 22.
The jb at 22 never would have been able to compose "Shattered Mind." He wouldn't have understood it. Now, I look at the music I've written and I nod. I'm sad that I've gotten to a place where the darkness is so easy to put to paper but at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am without it, as a person or as an artist.
Cameron122
Member
So how is everyone doing today/tonight?
So how is everyone doing today/tonight?
Quite well! Yourself?
D'aww, thanks Bagels! See, look! I can take a compliment-- really!
Haha, my favourite part. <3 I seem to collect nicknames as shit collects flies. XD I blame a very small, close-knit forum I've been on for ten years constantly coming up with variations of my original net alias. Now I seem to change my nick in IRC on whatever that days thought/whim is without... well.. a second thought!
I've been wanting to contribute more but I really have been scheduling my day-to-day life and keeping my focus on where I want to go. I even have a kick-boxing/Tae Kwan Do trial lesson later this week!
Haha, my favourite part. <3 I seem to collect nicknames as shit collects flies. XD I blame a very small, close-knit forum I've been on for ten years constantly coming up with variations of my original net alias. Now I seem to change my nick in IRC on whatever that days thought/whim is without... well.. a second thought!
I've been wanting to contribute more but I really have been scheduling my day-to-day life and keeping my focus on where I want to go. I even have a kick-boxing/Tae Kwan Do trial lesson later this week!
Cameron122
Member
Doing well! Enjoying my long weekend. Are you on Skype right now Bagels?
I can be! I'm in chat and on mumble! On skype now, too! TALK TO ME!
wsoxfan1214
Banned
Quoting this one more time to see if anyone has any input. Any would be appreciated.
My audition is tomorrow, Tuesday, at 4:00. I'm panicking. I'm so under prepared.
This is the most crippling part of my depression. I put things off until it's too late. Hopefully I can get to a passable level by practicing all day.
At least it won't be the end of the world if I fail. I simply have to practice and prepare for the next audition in October, but I'm most scared of embarrassing myself.
This is the most crippling part of my depression. I put things off until it's too late. Hopefully I can get to a passable level by practicing all day.
At least it won't be the end of the world if I fail. I simply have to practice and prepare for the next audition in October, but I'm most scared of embarrassing myself.
You've got this, Mort! You'll be nervous, but I hope you can just get in the zone and play the shit out of it! We're cheering or you, man!
Collete
Member
So how is everyone doing today/tonight?
Definitely felt better in my life.
Thanks for the kind words.
I don't do as much as I did in the past however, so I feel some of this is unwarranted.
Thank you for thinking of me to write this out though.
Who are you?
MisterLuffy
Member
So how is everyone doing today/tonight?
Met some D-Gaffers at the Seattle PAX meetup. AcridMeat and Samk, both really cool guys.
Burger_Baron
Member
Well,i guess it's time to contribute, vent out some feels, and write down a little story about myself:
19 years on the life-o-meter. Have had my ups and downs (Although i tend to see only the down ones). It all began 8 years ago. Everything was fine back then, i was seeing my friends every day and we would do all kinds of stuff. But then I noticed that I was beginning to come more unfamiliar with my other friends, due to being with only 1 friend. Then my mother gave me an advice: Either you have a few good friends, or you have a 1 best friend in the world. So,i chose a latter one. Then, that summer I heard that my best friend's parents are divorcing and they are moving away. Now, for me this was the saddest thing in the world at the time being. Next day I went to school, all my classmates were talking shit about my friend,and i was left alone.
High school, I am 13 now (We Finnish have a different kind of school system). A new school, New environment. That means I can get new friends and stuff. I chose not to go to same class with my old friends due to disagreements. Now, I get teased on the first day I get to school. No problemo, I still can find different people. My hopes are high, and BAM! My mother passes away on the second week on the school.
Now,you could get a shit-ton of Irony from my mothers death. She and my dad were the happiest couple I have ever seen on my entire life. Now, my mother dies on her week long honeymoon, on the second day, which they had been saving roughly for 4 years after they got married.
Now obviously, my "Find a new friend" plan didn't work on high school. Also thing's started to crumble down on our home, as my dad was balancing in between sanity. Dad got bitter, and he had to find someway to vent out his anger and frustration and the feel of unfairness. And of course, he did it to the closest thing he could find, namely us (me and my lil' brother). He was never violent or anything, just angry and yelling. I mean,he would yell about every single thing that would give him an excuse of doing so (Not taking the thrash out,etc.) and the whole time our house was filled with this fear looming around. If I would hear my father walking up the stairs towards my room, i was always scared. So, my home became my hell. And my school didn't go so well neither. It was just me,sitting in the corner, and waiting for the class to start. And i don't know if this was because of what had happened to me,but the people in high school felt like complete idiots. I didn't get what was so fun calling everyone gay, kicking footballs trough windows, and generally causing mayhem.
3 years later, the Vocational school. I thought that this time I would conquer the whole world. But the damage had been done,without me knowing of it. I found some friends. I had some fun time. I went to Amateur theatre at my school. But still,i had this feeling gnawing on the back of my head. I started to question things. "We're these friends truly my friends? Am I just hanging around? Am I just a burden?" And before i knew it, I was going straight to the bottom of an 90 degree downhill. I mean, I had fun time, I had friends, I laughed. But still, I wasn't satisfied, I wasn't...Happy. It was very conflicting. My mind could change in the matter of minutes. First I telling something funny and everyone laughed and I was the center of it all, and the next thing I know, I am sitting in the corner, and hating everyone for what they were. I was bitter for seeing only what everyone else had, and for what I didn't have. I had become blind to my own emotions. The only thing i could see was my sorrow and pain and self-pity. And i couldn't do shit about it.
"Sigh"
I don't know if everybody was genuinely having fun time with me, and I wasn't able to see that. Or was it that I was so nonactive, shrouded in self-pity, that they didn't want to have fun with me. When I was at the amateur theatre, sometimes when I went there, I had this "Hell yea, friend-time" feel. But other times I didn't want to go there at all, thinking that they don't want me there, it wont make any difference, and I won't be missed. Nobody never said: "Hey, 'Burger_Baron' how you doing man." or "Ay 'Burger_Baron', come see this cool video". I felt like I was just hanging around, wanting to be part of something, but still being outside of the circle.
Now, this day. I am at an full time job, still living at my dad's (but that is gonna change real soon). I have no friends which to meet on a weekly basis at the time being (For them living like outside 50km (kilometer("Big Area")) radius). And I still ain't happy. And I'm afraid I'll never be. I got my job (lobby assistant) a month ago, and I was really exited about it. Like, "Hell yea, this is my first real job. I am given responsibility, this has to change something." But nope, still nothing. It's like I whatever I do,whatever I get, I can't be happy about it, or it is so minor happiness, that I just cannot grasp it. Sometimes i get these, attack like, things that I just wanna fall down to the ground and start crying about everything, but I usually can restrain them. I don't get feels of enjoyment from just about nothing (I don't even enjoy from "sob" playing vidya gaims!).
I am just barely making it these days. I hope that I won't come crashing down hard, now that I just got an job. My daily routine is just going to the job, going home, being on the computer for several hours, and going to sleep. All days similar, from weekends you can take the job off, and that about does it.
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast. - Douglas Adams
19 years on the life-o-meter. Have had my ups and downs (Although i tend to see only the down ones). It all began 8 years ago. Everything was fine back then, i was seeing my friends every day and we would do all kinds of stuff. But then I noticed that I was beginning to come more unfamiliar with my other friends, due to being with only 1 friend. Then my mother gave me an advice: Either you have a few good friends, or you have a 1 best friend in the world. So,i chose a latter one. Then, that summer I heard that my best friend's parents are divorcing and they are moving away. Now, for me this was the saddest thing in the world at the time being. Next day I went to school, all my classmates were talking shit about my friend,and i was left alone.
High school, I am 13 now (We Finnish have a different kind of school system). A new school, New environment. That means I can get new friends and stuff. I chose not to go to same class with my old friends due to disagreements. Now, I get teased on the first day I get to school. No problemo, I still can find different people. My hopes are high, and BAM! My mother passes away on the second week on the school.
Now,you could get a shit-ton of Irony from my mothers death. She and my dad were the happiest couple I have ever seen on my entire life. Now, my mother dies on her week long honeymoon, on the second day, which they had been saving roughly for 4 years after they got married.
Now obviously, my "Find a new friend" plan didn't work on high school. Also thing's started to crumble down on our home, as my dad was balancing in between sanity. Dad got bitter, and he had to find someway to vent out his anger and frustration and the feel of unfairness. And of course, he did it to the closest thing he could find, namely us (me and my lil' brother). He was never violent or anything, just angry and yelling. I mean,he would yell about every single thing that would give him an excuse of doing so (Not taking the thrash out,etc.) and the whole time our house was filled with this fear looming around. If I would hear my father walking up the stairs towards my room, i was always scared. So, my home became my hell. And my school didn't go so well neither. It was just me,sitting in the corner, and waiting for the class to start. And i don't know if this was because of what had happened to me,but the people in high school felt like complete idiots. I didn't get what was so fun calling everyone gay, kicking footballs trough windows, and generally causing mayhem.
3 years later, the Vocational school. I thought that this time I would conquer the whole world. But the damage had been done,without me knowing of it. I found some friends. I had some fun time. I went to Amateur theatre at my school. But still,i had this feeling gnawing on the back of my head. I started to question things. "We're these friends truly my friends? Am I just hanging around? Am I just a burden?" And before i knew it, I was going straight to the bottom of an 90 degree downhill. I mean, I had fun time, I had friends, I laughed. But still, I wasn't satisfied, I wasn't...Happy. It was very conflicting. My mind could change in the matter of minutes. First I telling something funny and everyone laughed and I was the center of it all, and the next thing I know, I am sitting in the corner, and hating everyone for what they were. I was bitter for seeing only what everyone else had, and for what I didn't have. I had become blind to my own emotions. The only thing i could see was my sorrow and pain and self-pity. And i couldn't do shit about it.
"Sigh"
I don't know if everybody was genuinely having fun time with me, and I wasn't able to see that. Or was it that I was so nonactive, shrouded in self-pity, that they didn't want to have fun with me. When I was at the amateur theatre, sometimes when I went there, I had this "Hell yea, friend-time" feel. But other times I didn't want to go there at all, thinking that they don't want me there, it wont make any difference, and I won't be missed. Nobody never said: "Hey, 'Burger_Baron' how you doing man." or "Ay 'Burger_Baron', come see this cool video". I felt like I was just hanging around, wanting to be part of something, but still being outside of the circle.
Now, this day. I am at an full time job, still living at my dad's (but that is gonna change real soon). I have no friends which to meet on a weekly basis at the time being (For them living like outside 50km (kilometer("Big Area")) radius). And I still ain't happy. And I'm afraid I'll never be. I got my job (lobby assistant) a month ago, and I was really exited about it. Like, "Hell yea, this is my first real job. I am given responsibility, this has to change something." But nope, still nothing. It's like I whatever I do,whatever I get, I can't be happy about it, or it is so minor happiness, that I just cannot grasp it. Sometimes i get these, attack like, things that I just wanna fall down to the ground and start crying about everything, but I usually can restrain them. I don't get feels of enjoyment from just about nothing (I don't even enjoy from "sob" playing vidya gaims!).
I am just barely making it these days. I hope that I won't come crashing down hard, now that I just got an job. My daily routine is just going to the job, going home, being on the computer for several hours, and going to sleep. All days similar, from weekends you can take the job off, and that about does it.
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast. - Douglas Adams
I'll throw 2 things out here :
First if there is anyone who's going to get Rome 2 Total War tomorrow i'm available as a co-op campaign partner (yurop time-zone), just give me a holler and i'm more then willing to strike something up.
Second thing which is more related to this thread:
Not going to tell my story here in detail (maybe in the chat someday for anyone interested?) but to sumarize my first 15 years of life were not the best and I lived with the aftermath of that for another 10 years before I finally started to become something resembling a functional human being and not a robot these past 5 years
I still have my issues but overall its getting better but one thing that i'm really wondering about is if any of you people have any good suggestions about what to do with a broken concentration ability? I feel like these days I just can't concentrate on people and what they are saying.
I'll be at big planning meetings or just smaller group discussions at work and it only takes a minute or two before my eyes starts darting around, my head feels heavy, I can barely make out the words and I just can't remember what people are saying (sometimes even my nose gets runny ick).
All of this stops after people stops talking and I can then resume work or whatever.
I know very well this has not been an issue for me going back 15 years or so but its something thats steadily been getting worse over the later years I feel :/
Maybe its some PTSD spooking around? My memory of my early life is very fragmented with the exception of very clear memories of the crappy stuff that went down back then that pops up from time to time.
Well enough ranting from me for now anyway, if anyone wants to chit chat i'm idle ears. Take care folks
First if there is anyone who's going to get Rome 2 Total War tomorrow i'm available as a co-op campaign partner (yurop time-zone), just give me a holler and i'm more then willing to strike something up.
Second thing which is more related to this thread:
Not going to tell my story here in detail (maybe in the chat someday for anyone interested?) but to sumarize my first 15 years of life were not the best and I lived with the aftermath of that for another 10 years before I finally started to become something resembling a functional human being and not a robot these past 5 years
I still have my issues but overall its getting better but one thing that i'm really wondering about is if any of you people have any good suggestions about what to do with a broken concentration ability? I feel like these days I just can't concentrate on people and what they are saying.
I'll be at big planning meetings or just smaller group discussions at work and it only takes a minute or two before my eyes starts darting around, my head feels heavy, I can barely make out the words and I just can't remember what people are saying (sometimes even my nose gets runny ick).
All of this stops after people stops talking and I can then resume work or whatever.
I know very well this has not been an issue for me going back 15 years or so but its something thats steadily been getting worse over the later years I feel :/
Maybe its some PTSD spooking around? My memory of my early life is very fragmented with the exception of very clear memories of the crappy stuff that went down back then that pops up from time to time.
Well enough ranting from me for now anyway, if anyone wants to chit chat i'm idle ears. Take care folks
Didn't mean to pass you up, wsoxfan (even if you're rooting for the wrong color sox!). As you say, it seems hard to pinpoint exactly what happened to you. A short course of Xanax seems reasonable, tho. If it is anxiety attacks, Xanax works very fast to cut these short. So you'll quickly figure out if anxiety is the main problem.
FillerB is the quietest man in dGAF. I first met him when he made the sweet banners for the new thread OT. I was blown away that someone I did not know from the community would take the time to help spruce things up. But that’s honestly how Filler is. He is very, very quiet (a nice contrast to me not shutting up, ever), but when he does say something, it’s always worth listening to. He’ll zing you with the perfect joke, or offer the funniest drawing, or some insight into what you’re struggling with that completely floors you.
It has taken me a long time to get to know Filler, but I enjoy his company more and more. He wakes up very early (Netherlands time), so I can often catch him when I’m up all night with insomnia. Like Colin. or jb1234, he practices a kind of duality that I love. He can be super silly and sarcastic, and dish out the (affectionate) teasing with the kind of skill and devotion we expect in this community, but he can also be very serious, either talking about weighty topics or listening to others problems.
Filler has been more than patient with my dumb American ass (I may have confused Denmark and the Netherlands during one of our chats. Oops.) as I ask about the Netherlands and European culture in general. Man, we’ve also had some great talks about boardgames! And he is just so quietly supportive. He’s always ready to listen when people want to get serious. Often, the first thing you’ll hear from him is the simple statement that your problems are real an worth discussing. It’s an important lesson, and he always says it at just the right time.
Filler really demonstrates the virtue of hanging back and listening. He quietly gathers data and then, when he’s ready, delivers just incredible insight, or a perfectly executed joke. It takes a while to get to know Filler, but it’s absolutely worth the slow burn. As I said, he doesn’t speak up much at first, but when he does, it is always worth listening.
I’m listening to him, bugs, and transhuman play Cards Against Humanity on mumble right now as I type this, and it puts a huge smile on my face. I’m so glad to have him as part of our community and to count him as a friend. And he seems more comfortable opening up and engaging with the exceptional people who make up mental-health-GAF - I hope you’re happy to have found this home, Filler - we could not be happier to have you.
It has taken me a long time to get to know Filler, but I enjoy his company more and more. He wakes up very early (Netherlands time), so I can often catch him when I’m up all night with insomnia. Like Colin. or jb1234, he practices a kind of duality that I love. He can be super silly and sarcastic, and dish out the (affectionate) teasing with the kind of skill and devotion we expect in this community, but he can also be very serious, either talking about weighty topics or listening to others problems.
Filler has been more than patient with my dumb American ass (I may have confused Denmark and the Netherlands during one of our chats. Oops.) as I ask about the Netherlands and European culture in general. Man, we’ve also had some great talks about boardgames! And he is just so quietly supportive. He’s always ready to listen when people want to get serious. Often, the first thing you’ll hear from him is the simple statement that your problems are real an worth discussing. It’s an important lesson, and he always says it at just the right time.
Filler really demonstrates the virtue of hanging back and listening. He quietly gathers data and then, when he’s ready, delivers just incredible insight, or a perfectly executed joke. It takes a while to get to know Filler, but it’s absolutely worth the slow burn. As I said, he doesn’t speak up much at first, but when he does, it is always worth listening.
I’m listening to him, bugs, and transhuman play Cards Against Humanity on mumble right now as I type this, and it puts a huge smile on my face. I’m so glad to have him as part of our community and to count him as a friend. And he seems more comfortable opening up and engaging with the exceptional people who make up mental-health-GAF - I hope you’re happy to have found this home, Filler - we could not be happier to have you.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Got a couple Xanax last night and took 1 and 1/2 mg. Slept good but still tired this morning. Worked really good. Felt peaceful last night.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Edit: Double post.
Rentahamster
Rodent Whores
So I went ahead and did a 5 minute freewrite.
I like your handwriting. It reminds me of my own, if mine were more legible, and had style.
Been thinking about my ex-girlfriend for a few days now and with it comes a pretty intense craving to dull the memory/pain/hurt/residual feelings with smack... I don't know what to do about it and don't really have anyone to talk to about it as I don't want to worry the people around me and don't want them (eg. My current girlfriend) to even know that my ex is still very much inside my head.
Maybe I'll write out the entire story as context later.
Maybe I'll write out the entire story as context later.
Femmeworth
Banned
Classes start on Wednesday, totally not ready. I won't be able to see my psychiatrist until Thursday, psychologist too. Not on any anxiety medication at the moment, only taking generic Lexapro.
Agent Cooper
Member
Song rec of the day: Believer by American Authors (becoming one of my new favorites)
Im just a believer
That things will get better
Some can take it or leave it
But I dont wanna let it go
Im just a believer
That things will get better
Some can take it or leave it
But I dont wanna let it go
You got this femme, the first classes are usually just prof introduction and syllabus bullshit anyways (Unless it's a math class, then prepare to learn like 3 chapters).
Pm me if you want and we can talk about stupid school stuff, it could be fun. Or we could play some games together, good for stress relief!
Discotheque
Banned
to those who saw a therapist. what was your first step towards that? like how did you know you needed help?
i'm in the thought process of considering this right now. i'm so fucking miserable and i'd love to talk about it .
i'm in the thought process of considering this right now. i'm so fucking miserable and i'd love to talk about it .
If you're thinking "I might need help," then yeah, you should probably see someone. Personally, my parents and I realized I needed help when I would spend the whole day crying and was so depressed I would miss class half of the week. It doesn't need to be something so drastic though. Really, just realizing that you're not feeling well emotionally and mentally is enough.
Some general tips on getting started from the OP:
1. If you have insurance, call 'em and see if they cover mental health. If they do, they'll probably have a website where there's a database of therapists that take that insurance in your area.
2. Talk to your GP about it and ask if they can refer you to a therapist.
3. Depending on what city you're in, there might be options for cheap sessions without insurance. This will usually be a center that can refer you to someone in the city.
4. If you're in college, there should be a counseling center on campus. They typically don't see you long term, but they can refer you to other resources. Take advantage of help on campus as it's often covered by your tuition.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I was at university so I called the counseling dept and set up an appointment.
I let myself wait too damn long and so I didn't seek help until things got really bad. Looking back, I wish I could have just swallowed my pride and sought help when I had my suspicions that what I was feeling wasn't normal. By the time I sought help, my grades really suffered and I was letting myself just go down the hole.
So, my advice is to seek help as soon as possible. The first thing that a competent center will do is a self-evaluation and an interview to see the possible next steps.
Also, what Pau said.
Fucking 'merka and insurance bullshit.
Femmeworth
Banned
I know the first day will be easy, it's what comes afterwards that worries me. This is going to be my most stressful semester in years and my stress coping skills need work.
Like the others said, if you are attending a college/university seek help there first.
Edit: If you are out of school and have insurance, check your provider's website to see what therapists are in your network. You aren't going to need a referral, if you are worried about that.
Collete
Member
I'll be interested in what you have to say.
Shit, are you me? I'd be down if you wanna rant/talk.
Discotheque
Banned
college is A reason why i'm in this damn funk in the first place lol.
i graduated quite early from high school. 16. since then I've just been in and out of school (follow the money, follow the money) and random jobs. i'm 23...no degree to my name.
Finally I'm pursuing an interest I've had for years. Computer Science, starting in january. and i'll be throwing some prior credits into that so it may hopefully be 2 and a half years for me as opposed to the full 4.
it's just...i'm scared. i always run away from things when it gets tough. never have i had the backbone to see something through. I'm scared i will sabotage this as well.
I will for sure seek some help when i go back to school, but i want to talk to somebody NOW. I'm in Canada, and I've noticed that everybody here takes insurance, it still costs money though. but i'll manage.
I'm such a pussah. I watch these films and tv shows and I laugh at those characters who fail. i laugh at the miserable. i laugh at the people who ruin their relationships. I always yell at the TV *COME ON! JUST TELL HER. JUST DO IT. WORK HARD. FIGHT FOR IT*
I'm just laughing at myself now that I look at it.
i graduated quite early from high school. 16. since then I've just been in and out of school (follow the money, follow the money) and random jobs. i'm 23...no degree to my name.
Finally I'm pursuing an interest I've had for years. Computer Science, starting in january. and i'll be throwing some prior credits into that so it may hopefully be 2 and a half years for me as opposed to the full 4.
it's just...i'm scared. i always run away from things when it gets tough. never have i had the backbone to see something through. I'm scared i will sabotage this as well.
I will for sure seek some help when i go back to school, but i want to talk to somebody NOW. I'm in Canada, and I've noticed that everybody here takes insurance, it still costs money though. but i'll manage.
I'm such a pussah. I watch these films and tv shows and I laugh at those characters who fail. i laugh at the miserable. i laugh at the people who ruin their relationships. I always yell at the TV *COME ON! JUST TELL HER. JUST DO IT. WORK HARD. FIGHT FOR IT*
I'm just laughing at myself now that I look at it.
Collete
Member
I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm well aware of it. I honestly don't know how much longer I can last...So much misery and pain and hopelessness....Everyday is getting harder, and the more I resist, the harder the pain is. I look too much at my past and regret decisions or if I should have done things differently. Honestly I regret having depression...But I wouldn't have met amazing people if I didn't...It's reality I suppose.
That said...
I'm still going to keep fighting till the day I realize it is inevitable and slip away silently. It isn't easy to battle thoughts of vanishing from this world silently and leaving it all behind. It's honestly exhausting and over bearing but... I want to at least try to put up a fight against this and strive towards my dreams, no matter how pathetic they are. No matter if people tell me I shouldn't strive that or putting too much meaning into it...I don't fucking care. I'm going to run towards it and try my damn best shot at it. Until I realize they are out of grasp and everything I strive for is meaningless...I will fight. I have been for majority of my life but now the adrenaline is kind of kicking in so to speak. I'm not going to tell any of you it will be okay or we'll get through this. Hell, I'll probably die within a year, the next or be that crazy old woman. I don't know. I just know right now, at least fight it as best you can and try to strive for your dreams before you try to off yourself. Like really try... That's the only thing keeping me going.
That said...
I'm still going to keep fighting till the day I realize it is inevitable and slip away silently. It isn't easy to battle thoughts of vanishing from this world silently and leaving it all behind. It's honestly exhausting and over bearing but... I want to at least try to put up a fight against this and strive towards my dreams, no matter how pathetic they are. No matter if people tell me I shouldn't strive that or putting too much meaning into it...I don't fucking care. I'm going to run towards it and try my damn best shot at it. Until I realize they are out of grasp and everything I strive for is meaningless...I will fight. I have been for majority of my life but now the adrenaline is kind of kicking in so to speak. I'm not going to tell any of you it will be okay or we'll get through this. Hell, I'll probably die within a year, the next or be that crazy old woman. I don't know. I just know right now, at least fight it as best you can and try to strive for your dreams before you try to off yourself. Like really try... That's the only thing keeping me going.
Femmeworth
Banned
Ease up on the backbone and "pussah" talk/thinking, that can't be helping. Mind you, I'm not a professional. I don't know how it works in Canada, so hopefully there is someone else here who can help you.
Edit: Maybe this will help? http://www.cpa.ca/ http://www.cpa.ca/public/whatisapsychologist/PTassociations/
Yup.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
I feel like no one cares for me honestly... i mean i have "friends"... but not a single person that truly knows me. I am to blame partly for this... always pushing people away... i don't know... i like being alone... but at the same time i long for someone to actually need me...
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