Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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You're on my list, Wilson. When you least expect it, I'm going to compliment the crap out of you. You know I <3 u!
You too, Darkmakaimura, even if I hate trying to spell your name.
In the name of feeling better, here are some pictures of the little man who got me sick.
Kid is a "Where's Waldo?" genius.
Ughughugh fuck university and everything about it. It's intimidating me so bad that at times I feel I'm going to do something really stupid and embarrass myself. Today I had orientation and being told you're in a campus of around 80, 000 people (students + faculty) did wonders for making my social anxiety even worse. I also now feel even more insignificant and worthless. Around 80k+ people, and I'll be competing with thousands of them for med school, pharmacy school, dentistry school etc., and they're all guaranteed to be better than me at everything. What chance do I have, and what the heck am I even doing there? I'm so frustrated and freaked out 
Plus I'm now concerned about whether or not I'm actually enrolled in courses because when I dropped my high school transcript (updated with my 85 vs 50 in math) the person at admissions told me my average would be recalculated, I would possibly be readmitted into the biomedical science program, and could then re-add courses I was dropped from. So far, no word on me being dropped from any courses, but the biology instructors said they'd be emailing us today, but I got nothing, and haven't heard anything from anyone aside from my psych professor. Can someone else just attend for me, please?
Plus I'm now concerned about whether or not I'm actually enrolled in courses because when I dropped my high school transcript (updated with my 85 vs 50 in math) the person at admissions told me my average would be recalculated, I would possibly be readmitted into the biomedical science program, and could then re-add courses I was dropped from. So far, no word on me being dropped from any courses, but the biology instructors said they'd be emailing us today, but I got nothing, and haven't heard anything from anyone aside from my psych professor. Can someone else just attend for me, please?
Everyone should google "imposter syndrome". Nobody actually knows how to act. You didn't miss the memo.
I'm kidding, you all did. We laugh about it at the meetings
You're all bastards! I don't care if you guys were conceived/born in wedlock, you're still all bastards! D':
I thought you didn't read the OP because I always write too much? Ah-ha! I caught you! I caught you reading what I wrote! Gotcha!
(actually, that first post was mainly written by Prax...)
MisterLuffy
Member
I hate this world. I don't want to live in this world anymore. My life sucks so hard that I can't take it anymore.
Yeah man likewise! I'll be sure to practice if we play again haha
I've seen this picture and I have to ask - why are you sitting on his lap?
Good luck Mr!
Agent Cooper
Member
Yo! Protip time.
Do not start a post with 'I know no one will read/acknowledge this but...'
1) Many people read this thread and I know people who read EVERY post. It will get read. 100% positive. No one is ignoring you.
2) You are in a thread for MENTAL ILLNESS. A common one most of us share is social anxiety. I know it may seem silly to some that it leaks over into the internet, but it does. Some people read and acknowledge posts but don't feel comfortable responding. Trying to guilt someone into responding to your post usually leads to awkward "Uhhh, keep your head up!" posts or just makes you seem... I dunno. It's just not bueno.
We try our best to make everyone feel welcome (because you all are!) but responding to every post is just something that doesn't happen. Don't let it discourage you from posting! Your post will get read, trust me.
And if you really want to rant/vent/talk to someone, SAY SO!!!! Someone will be happy to talk with you through PM or something.
Anywho, Cooper out. SAWAP, everyone.
Do not start a post with 'I know no one will read/acknowledge this but...'
1) Many people read this thread and I know people who read EVERY post. It will get read. 100% positive. No one is ignoring you.
2) You are in a thread for MENTAL ILLNESS. A common one most of us share is social anxiety. I know it may seem silly to some that it leaks over into the internet, but it does. Some people read and acknowledge posts but don't feel comfortable responding. Trying to guilt someone into responding to your post usually leads to awkward "Uhhh, keep your head up!" posts or just makes you seem... I dunno. It's just not bueno.
We try our best to make everyone feel welcome (because you all are!) but responding to every post is just something that doesn't happen. Don't let it discourage you from posting! Your post will get read, trust me.
And if you really want to rant/vent/talk to someone, SAY SO!!!! Someone will be happy to talk with you through PM or something.
Anywho, Cooper out. SAWAP, everyone.
So I sorta went off my meds for a little while because...listen, it's not my fault. Well, it *is* my fault, but, like, not entirely. The problem with taking a medication that isn't used much any more is that you need some lead time to get it refilled. That's the part I'm bad at. So then I got depressed and didn't want to leave the house...
Anyway, they carry my med at the grocery store in my home town, which is weird, but there you go. I've been back on Parnate for 5 days and, man, it's like night and day. I feel so..normal! I still have a lot of stuff to work on, but I'd go so far as to say I'm chipper. I feel ready to face things, I take joy in the nice little moments in my life.
It's nice that they work so fast - more like 3 days than 3 weeks. I wish they were safer and more widely available. The dietary restrictions are a real pain - I had a reaction to some pizza the other day. We got some kind of specialty pizza, with unusual toppings. I didn't think anything of it, but I had one slice and felt the anxiety coming on (the first sign that it's making your blood pressure go up). It's just annoying in general. People don't know what I can and can't eat, or don't think to get me, say, plain pizza. My mom keeps offering me mac 'n cheese, which is a total no-no. And people are really weirded out when I tell them I can't eat cheese because of my medication. I have a bit of a reputation for not being totally, 100% serious, so people think I'm kidding.
Outside of the US, there's a new MAOI that does not have the dietary restrictions. It comes as a patch, which is also nice. I guess it can be pricey, but it's a lot safer.
You'll need to see a psychiatrist if you want to try an MAOI. They're really reserved for depression that is not responding to other medications, which is kind of too bad. You know very quickly if they work for you, they're cheap, and even with the dietary restrictions, fewer than 100 people have died in the past 50 years. It's something to take seriously, but hopefully with the newer reversible ones, MAOIs may make it back into practice more.
It's a good reminder to not give up. I've been on so many different meds, with varying levels of success. But I've finally found one that makes me feel like the old Bagels, before any of this happened. I know I can do the hard work of getting my life back together now. There's always hope. There are always more treatments, more people to go see for therapy. It's hard to believe but you need that tiny spark of hope.
Anyway, they carry my med at the grocery store in my home town, which is weird, but there you go. I've been back on Parnate for 5 days and, man, it's like night and day. I feel so..normal! I still have a lot of stuff to work on, but I'd go so far as to say I'm chipper. I feel ready to face things, I take joy in the nice little moments in my life.
It's nice that they work so fast - more like 3 days than 3 weeks. I wish they were safer and more widely available. The dietary restrictions are a real pain - I had a reaction to some pizza the other day. We got some kind of specialty pizza, with unusual toppings. I didn't think anything of it, but I had one slice and felt the anxiety coming on (the first sign that it's making your blood pressure go up). It's just annoying in general. People don't know what I can and can't eat, or don't think to get me, say, plain pizza. My mom keeps offering me mac 'n cheese, which is a total no-no. And people are really weirded out when I tell them I can't eat cheese because of my medication. I have a bit of a reputation for not being totally, 100% serious, so people think I'm kidding.
Outside of the US, there's a new MAOI that does not have the dietary restrictions. It comes as a patch, which is also nice. I guess it can be pricey, but it's a lot safer.
You'll need to see a psychiatrist if you want to try an MAOI. They're really reserved for depression that is not responding to other medications, which is kind of too bad. You know very quickly if they work for you, they're cheap, and even with the dietary restrictions, fewer than 100 people have died in the past 50 years. It's something to take seriously, but hopefully with the newer reversible ones, MAOIs may make it back into practice more.
It's a good reminder to not give up. I've been on so many different meds, with varying levels of success. But I've finally found one that makes me feel like the old Bagels, before any of this happened. I know I can do the hard work of getting my life back together now. There's always hope. There are always more treatments, more people to go see for therapy. It's hard to believe but you need that tiny spark of hope.
DJ Lushious
Member
Are you sure that's not the reason for your depression? ;-)
Fantastic post, Cooper! There are a lot of little things we do to defeat ourselves. We need to do a better job of gently reminding each other that what they have to say is valuable and welcome and will get read. There are people who come to chat who can't even post on GAF, yet they follow the thread very closely.
I'm not a huge fan of cheese, so it's okay, I guess. Still, I do miss cheddar (which is one of the worst foods for tyramine, the stuff I can't have). I may end up on this med for the rest of my life, and a lifetime without cheddar is weird to contemplate. The newer MAOIs should be cheaper and more readily available down the line, tho...
*edit*
This is why I love my friends. I post about not being able to eat cheese, so people start tweeting images of cheese to me. You guys are total jerks, but I love you all.
Prax
Member
i am going to sleep soon and I just caught up on reading the thread and i wanna smooch u all and this is prety much my freeverse writing esercize and omg look at me i can't spell, but really i can spell guys, i swear.' it's just that i am really bad uat typing without looking at the keys. which is really weird because you can preobably assume thaot i have used the computer alot on my life and have typed up many a homeworks on it and used it to rp many times with people!!!
bUTTT baybe i also have some form of dylexia that is very mild but i tend to type out words or letters that is not the thing i was meaning to type and teh letters are nowhere even close to one aother to be substituted but it still happens. man is it embarassing
i want to give a shoutouot to everybodies and i always feel bad about singling peopel out because others feel left out and i want to be able to treat everjyone with equal compassionate regard, you know??? ._. it's hard to try to be kind sometimes becaus eyou dont' know in which direction to be kind. and it's even harder when it's among peopel with mental health or fragile esteems becaus eyou dont' want to cause bad things to happen by being crass or careless with words.
because even if they are just words, words can khurt. i wish some other parts of gaf could understand that power.
luckily, words cabn also help to heal. so please don't discredit the kind words and good things you hear from people. cherish those things and nurture them into yoru soul so trhat they can strengthen you in times of need.\
i also just very nearly ate a bug so this may be the end for me. but i will try to perservere!!!
i am sure bagels just tried like a few seconds ago to guilt me into posting soemthing well are you happy!>!> was this worth it bagellss!! LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!
Also look at this. I am too lazy to draw but i drew this a few days ago so good enough and behold how great and intelliguents and caring i am. u are all better for knowing me. thank you you're welcome
(i am orangesolarcat and my tumblr can attest that my life is full of harzards)
bUTTT baybe i also have some form of dylexia that is very mild but i tend to type out words or letters that is not the thing i was meaning to type and teh letters are nowhere even close to one aother to be substituted but it still happens. man is it embarassing
i want to give a shoutouot to everybodies and i always feel bad about singling peopel out because others feel left out and i want to be able to treat everjyone with equal compassionate regard, you know??? ._. it's hard to try to be kind sometimes becaus eyou dont' know in which direction to be kind. and it's even harder when it's among peopel with mental health or fragile esteems becaus eyou dont' want to cause bad things to happen by being crass or careless with words.
because even if they are just words, words can khurt. i wish some other parts of gaf could understand that power.
luckily, words cabn also help to heal. so please don't discredit the kind words and good things you hear from people. cherish those things and nurture them into yoru soul so trhat they can strengthen you in times of need.\
i also just very nearly ate a bug so this may be the end for me. but i will try to perservere!!!
i am sure bagels just tried like a few seconds ago to guilt me into posting soemthing well are you happy!>!> was this worth it bagellss!! LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!
Also look at this. I am too lazy to draw but i drew this a few days ago so good enough and behold how great and intelliguents and caring i am. u are all better for knowing me. thank you you're welcome
(i am orangesolarcat and my tumblr can attest that my life is full of harzards)
DJ Lushious
Member
What about soy cheese or other cheese alternatives? I really don't think they're bad at all, even though real cheese is clearly the better choice.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Could really use some advice.
Went to doctor to try and get prescription for something that would help me focus, like adderall/provigil. Doctor agreed, based on what I told him, that that could very well help but that I would need to see a psychiatrist. He also prescribed me with a trial antidepressant and a followup appointment. Then he wanted me to get bloodwork done and a ct scan. In addition, my mom also scheduled me for an appointment with a counselor. In a matter of an hour, I got 5 new appointments on my plate.
The problem is that I was mostly just concerned with my focus, not my depression. Is it really necessary to get bloodwork done or a ct scan? I hate using my parents' insurance for this stuff and while I'm willing to get help for my problems and take my mental well being seriously I don't want to spend money and time where it's not needed. I haven't been severely depressed for over a year now, and feeling in the dumps is something that will happen to me every week or two now as opposed to every hour of every day when it used to be really bad (i.e. suicidal which I'm not even in the stratosphere of remotely considering anymore)
Went to doctor to try and get prescription for something that would help me focus, like adderall/provigil. Doctor agreed, based on what I told him, that that could very well help but that I would need to see a psychiatrist. He also prescribed me with a trial antidepressant and a followup appointment. Then he wanted me to get bloodwork done and a ct scan. In addition, my mom also scheduled me for an appointment with a counselor. In a matter of an hour, I got 5 new appointments on my plate.
The problem is that I was mostly just concerned with my focus, not my depression. Is it really necessary to get bloodwork done or a ct scan? I hate using my parents' insurance for this stuff and while I'm willing to get help for my problems and take my mental well being seriously I don't want to spend money and time where it's not needed. I haven't been severely depressed for over a year now, and feeling in the dumps is something that will happen to me every week or two now as opposed to every hour of every day when it used to be really bad (i.e. suicidal which I'm not even in the stratosphere of remotely considering anymore)
I can't fathom how this is a question.
Bloodwork is quick and easy and it gives you a lot of bang for your buck. That's almost always a god idea. They can check your thyroid levels, which could be related to the lack of focus, for one thing. Basic stuff like your cholesterol, inflammatory markers, liver enzymes - there's a lot of info there about your general health. No one likes needles, but a blood test is cheap, quick, and information rich.
The CT scan is kind of surprising. Did the doctor say what he/she was looking for? It's a modestly pricey test and it's a good-sized dose of radiation. It's not like it's completely unreasonable (even without more of a story), but if it's just like, "you're depressed so let's take a peeky-boo at that brain!" that may not be the strongest indication in the history of medicine. Then again, maybe there's more to it than that. You can always ask what exactly the indication is.
A lack of focus can indeed be the main symptom of depression. An antidepressant isn't something that can be abused, like a stimulant can, so many docs are going to start there. The psychiatrist should have a better handle on all of this stuff.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Thanks for the reply. Dr. didn't get into specifics, just a simple "I would like to do a full physical."
These next couple weeks are gonna be busy.
Great! I hope it'll be something good for you.Thanks, went wellgot accept into a group which starts in a few weeks
As per usual, depressioncomix strikes very close to home.
http://www.depressioncomix.com/posts/141/
Now this one reminded me of a quote that has been stuck in my head ever since I read Prozac Nation) many years ago.
Prozac Nation means a lot to me. I caught the movie on TV early one morning and for the first time it really hit me that something wasn't right with me. Even though a lot of time has passed since then and I'm in a much better place it keeps coming back to me, no matter how good I seem to be doing, weekends always bring me down. The difference now is that I seem much more capable of handling it, it rarely puts me in an immobilized state anymore.Elizabeth Wurtzel said:
eddfromtheriver
Banned
Silly question (maybe), but... why is it that if a person is the silent type they're suddenly pigeonholed as being gay?... it boggles the mind.
Is there space for 2?
I wish I could just sleep all day... at least then I'm not thinking.
The misconception that if a guy doesn't chat up girls at every possible he must be on the other team.
Thanks for sharing the doodles, the silliness made me smile. I've always thought if I could have one natural ability, it would be music or art. The creative part of my brain isn't so strong unfortunately!
Strange, I am almost in the exact same position. I do some work for my dad with his banner/sticker/shirt business but it is not really a reference. I have one reference also, a university professor. What is your degree in?
MisterLuffy
Member
I went to ask my math teacher a question. When he tries to explain the problem on paper and ask me questions that would lead to answers, I couldn't answer him because my mind went blank. Also, I couldn't grasp anything he said. He asked me what's the equation of area of a rectangle. Now I know its length*width, but before I didn't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my past years of education, how the hell did I make it this far in college? I know I've said this before, but this question hits me every time. I don't know what to do about my lack of thinking and understanding. Because of that, I don't think I even want to ask my instructors' questions. I think my I'm wasting my time in college. I have a feeling that I'm not going to get hired anywhere because of my lack of thinking, grasping, and understanding.
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and to me it sounds like you're either anxious, lazy/lack focus when it comes to critical thinking, or a mixture of both.
1. Your mind going blank when trying to answer the prof: happens to me a lot, regardless of how well rehearsed I am with the material. I know for me this is just my anxiety; any time I'm being tested on my knowledge on the spot, even in an informal setting, I have a tendency to blank out or overexplain things. And for me this isn't even sweating a lot, being flooded with nervous thoughts anxiety. I just literally blank out, no thoughts whatsoever. Just try to keep a cool head and remember it's okay to not be able to answer the prof's questions: if he/she is not a shit prof then they are there to answer your questions. If you find yourself stumbling on a lot of simpler questions teacher assistants or tutors are probably more appropriate though.
2. "...Because of that, I don't think I even want to ask my instructors' questions:" Don't try to think too much about how little you understand. We all start from somewhere, you just have to build your foundations right. I'll say this as a person who prefers to study alone: if you want to get a firm understanding of material but also feel comfortable about it, studying with someone else or in a group is an excellent way of doing this. Because not only do you start to feel more comfortable asking questions (everyone is on the same level, less intimidation), but you'll also (hopefully) be explaining concepts to other people. This not only reinforces your knowledge but also your confidence level of the material. Studying in pairs/groups is a much more dynamic way of studying because of the social aspect and it can really make a difference. Even just affirming facts you already know is a great morale booster and sometimes that boost is all you really need.
Anyways, just like last time I come bearing gifts. Behold, the math help thread. And just as a reminder since I know you're studying CS, you're always free to shoot me a PM if you want to ask a question or just talk over some concepts. Or if you want something like gchat/skype I can do that too
And my math is pretty rusty but I could probably help here and there too (I heard MikeDip (?) is pretty good at math). You at least made it to somewhere in college; don't start doubting your own skills. You got this far for a reason so don't beat yourself up for not understanding things as well as you hope you would. Instead just turn any negative thoughts into more productive ones; just strive for that goal of understanding things on a better level.Also, if you're feeling lost about your post-college life it may do some good to take a semester or two off to rethink what you want to get out of college. Or just talk to other people/career counselor about it. There are pros and cons to wasting time in college, but I think ultimately the last thing you want to do is spend four years pursuing a field that you absolutely hate, unless you're okay with working a job you hate.
MisterLuffy
Member
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and to me it sounds like you're either anxious, lazy/lack focus when it comes to critical thinking, or a mixture of both.
1. Your mind going blank when trying to answer the prof: happens to me a lot, regardless of how well rehearsed I am with the material. I know for me this is just my anxiety; any time I'm being tested on my knowledge on the spot, even in an informal setting, I have a tendency to blank out or overexplain things. And for me this isn't even sweating a lot, being flooded with nervous thoughts anxiety. I just literally blank out, no thoughts whatsoever. Just try to keep a cool head and remember it's okay to not be able to answer the prof's questions: if he/she is not a shit prof then they are there to answer your questions. If you find yourself stumbling on a lot of simpler questions teacher assistants or tutors are probably more appropriate though.
2. "...Because of that, I don't think I even want to ask my instructors' questions:" Don't try to think too much about how little you understand. We all start from somewhere, you just have to build your foundations right. I'll say this as a person who prefers to study alone: if you want to get a firm understanding of material but also feel comfortable about it, studying with someone else or in a group is an excellent way of doing this. Because not only do you start to feel more comfortable asking questions (everyone is on the same level, less intimidation), but you'll also (hopefully) be explaining concepts to other people. This not only reinforces your knowledge but also your confidence level of the material. Studying in pairs/groups is a much more dynamic way of studying because of the social aspect and it can really make a difference. Even just affirming facts you already know is a great morale booster and sometimes that boost is all you really need.
Anyways, just like last time I come bearing gifts. Behold, the math help thread. And just as a reminder since I know you're studying CS, you're always free to shoot me a PM if you want to ask a question or just talk over some concepts. Or if you want something like gchat/skype I can do that too
Also, if you're feeling lost about your post-college life it may do some good to take a semester or two off to rethink what you want to get out of college. Or just talk to other people/career counselor about it. There are pros and cons to wasting time in college, but I think ultimately the last thing you want to do is spend four years pursuing a field that you absolutely hate, unless you're okay with working a job you hate.
I like your wording a lot better than mines on what I want to say. My vocab sucks. Yeah thanks again. There was a student who came by to my class and gave his oral presentation on Java. It's part of his major requirement before graduation, and I'm like to myself "I can't believe I have to give an oral presentation despite not knowing what I'm talking about." He knows what he's talking about which I begin to having doubts that I won't be able to give an oral presentation like he did. I was thinking of taking a year off of college to think about what I wanted to do or study programming. But my parents will question me about it, and I'm never going to hear the end of it. This is why I wanted to move out but I can't because I don't have a lot of money for rent and I'm unemployed. I would love to take a year off but I have to apply and I'm lazy in doing that. It's not just lazy, it's my past experience. I did have a lot of bad experiences when I worked at Macy's.
I would recommend you to take remedial courses. Are they an option for you? I'm sorry, but as a college professor, I would stop any attempt to teach you after the bolded. Is not so much that I would doubt your intelligence, but Is just too much material to cover. I'm so sorry if what I'm saying affects you, but that's how I see it.
MisterLuffy
Member
I would recommend you to take remedial courses. Are they an option for you? I'm sorry, but as a college professor, I would stop any attempt to teach you after the bolded. Is not so much that I would doubt your intelligence, but Is just too much material to cover. I'm so sorry if what I'm saying affects you, but that's how I see it.
It's not that I don't know the equation of an area of a rectangle, I just didn't remember at that time. But hey, its not an excuse if I'm taking class that covers everything. Like I said before, I'm just wasting my time and money on college since I tend to forget the materials I learned in my previous math classes or any classes. Remedial course is not an option for me. I want to finish, then graduate. I don't want to stay there any longer. The math class I'm taking right now is Probability & Statistics with Computation.
Well, that sounds like an anxiety problem then. Have you seen an specialist about it? If not, you really should. I too got stuck during my University studies due to anxiety disorders, and I couldn't continue until I got my anxiety under control. It is very important to treat anxiety disorders.
DJ Lushious
Member
I think MooMoo hit the nail on the head. Sounds like anxiety. Now's the time to seek professional help and get this taken care of.
Cameron122
Member
people would be better off if i were dead :/
eddfromtheriver
Banned
Yep... and that is quite stupid... there could be a miriad of reasons as to why a person isn't a chatterbox... oh well... society and their misconceptions.
It's cool to be gay now, so treat it like you're clearing up a misconception. Like "oh no man, I'm not gay."
So I was diagnosed with mild depression. Doc said it was mostly due to an unfulfilling job. Going through the motions every day, it really gets to you. Due to this, I've been thinking of career changes and one thing that all jobs I've thought of all point back to one thing, and that is being my own boss. I have a couple of ideas as to what I could do but I really need to think long and hard about it as this decision will impact everything in my life. Kind of a scary thought.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
Ha!, nope... i'll just say... you know what?, you're tight... i am gay... why?. And just leave it at that. If i tell them the truth it won't matter and they'll continue thinking that i am.
Agent Cooper
Member
Remember: Small progress is progress.
I had a really bad streak of depression take place earlier this year in April through May...I sought out help, because I was in really bad shape. I was crying every day and constantly had thoughts of suicide. For a while I was really feeling things were turning around. I wasn't exactly getting things done instantly in my life, but I started to feel like I was accepting who I was, and just be happy with it.
I've been taking a once a day antidepressant, and I thought it was helping. I'm not sure what the change is that's causing it, but I seem to be regressing. About a month ago, I did get fired from my job for doing something really stupid, and I thought I was okay with being rid of that stupid place, but I feel like I also have a guilty conscious for being an idiot. I didn't steal, but I did break the rules for my own benefit. Then again maybe my regressing doesn't have to do with my job, but maybe it has something to do that I've decided to cut off ties with my older brother finally, because no matter how fairly I have tried to treat him, he has been horrible to me. I told him I wasn't going to put up with his talking down to me anymore, and lack of any respect from him, and told him I was done. Maybe that's part of it, because at one time in my life, I thought he was the only friend I had, but I've learned this past year that that's not even true anymore. I'm just a relative to him these days.
I started up a new semester in college just recently, so I really don't need these feelings of depression returning, but they have been and I'm not sure why exactly, or what to do about it. One of the things that I thought my therapist has helped me realize is how it's okay to be who I am, even if I am somewhat an introvert. Before I thought there was a problem with me because I am like that, but I was starting to accept that that's who I was. Now I'm back to feeling bad that I can't fit in anywhere, and that I burn bridges by making stupid mistakes constantly in my life. Don't think I'll ever fall in love (least not with anyone who even remotely cares about me), and I was starting to accept that fact, but now I'm back to stacking problems up in my head about how everything in my life sucks.
Sorry...I'm just kinda rambling, because I feel like I just needed to type this and talk about it...I didn't know where else to turn.
I've been taking a once a day antidepressant, and I thought it was helping. I'm not sure what the change is that's causing it, but I seem to be regressing. About a month ago, I did get fired from my job for doing something really stupid, and I thought I was okay with being rid of that stupid place, but I feel like I also have a guilty conscious for being an idiot. I didn't steal, but I did break the rules for my own benefit. Then again maybe my regressing doesn't have to do with my job, but maybe it has something to do that I've decided to cut off ties with my older brother finally, because no matter how fairly I have tried to treat him, he has been horrible to me. I told him I wasn't going to put up with his talking down to me anymore, and lack of any respect from him, and told him I was done. Maybe that's part of it, because at one time in my life, I thought he was the only friend I had, but I've learned this past year that that's not even true anymore. I'm just a relative to him these days.
I started up a new semester in college just recently, so I really don't need these feelings of depression returning, but they have been and I'm not sure why exactly, or what to do about it. One of the things that I thought my therapist has helped me realize is how it's okay to be who I am, even if I am somewhat an introvert. Before I thought there was a problem with me because I am like that, but I was starting to accept that that's who I was. Now I'm back to feeling bad that I can't fit in anywhere, and that I burn bridges by making stupid mistakes constantly in my life. Don't think I'll ever fall in love (least not with anyone who even remotely cares about me), and I was starting to accept that fact, but now I'm back to stacking problems up in my head about how everything in my life sucks.
Sorry...I'm just kinda rambling, because I feel like I just needed to type this and talk about it...I didn't know where else to turn.
DJ Lushious
Member
You know that's the depression talking. All of the people that care about you, your family, friends, and otherwise, will absolutely grieve the loss of you.
Now, since you are turning towards suicidal thoughts, please do get some form of help. A counselor is going to be paramount to you getting better. Please do understand the seriousness of these thoughts, their repercussions, and how it's a clear sign of something larger being wrong.
You came to the right place! I find putting my thoughts down on paper (or on the screen) seems to help. Even if it only helps a little, it's better than nothing at all. It seems like you are seeing a therapist, so continue down that path. RIght now it seems hopeless, but, really, it will get better. You do have to work at fighting the depression, though. No one said this would be easy!
User 100115
Banned
Stay strong man you can beat this
I am still not really back, my computer hasn't been set up yet, so mobile for me, but I at least have a connection now. I will do my best to make up for my lack of posting then. I am reading though, and love you guys. Be kind to yourselves.
Stay strong man you can beat this
I am still not really back, my computer hasn't been set up yet, so mobile for me, but I at least have a connection now. I will do my best to make up for my lack of posting then. I am reading though, and love you guys. Be kind to yourselves.
Come back soon! I need to play WoW with someone who won't kill my deer. Not to point fingers or anything, but... Bagels and Trin, you guys are mean, killing Bambi like that.
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