I don't know the OP, but I agree with the other posters who hinted at your partner saying things like; "I don't know who I am anymore", "I don't know what I want", "I'm too worried about helping other people", "I need to focus on myself", "I need some time to myself", "I want to figure myself out"
Notice the emphasis on "me" and "I". I think it's because deep down we are malleable, and as such we get accustomed to day-slaving and the grind.
If you're not very successfully romantically I think the grind can still make you happy if it contains good moments. You know you ain't worth a lot on the sexual market and you don't have a lot of options. Either by circumstances (looks, genetics, income, social circle) or belief systems (self worth, confidence, outlook) and so having someone who you love at all seems to be a miracle.
But if you are someone who is higher up the echelon, who still meets people who are romantically interested in you, even if you are taken, it stands to reason that you also see yourself as losing out on potential love since you're in an experience. And after having been in the same relationship with the same dick for 5-6 years, it might simply be that you want something new. It has nothing to do with getting bored of someone, because it's just as much about someone being bored with themselves and the life they have together.
TBF, people don't always break up because there are someone else. Sometimes they really are just trying to reinvent themselves and want to be single, or they want to do something drastic and life changing because they feel they are stuck in the grind.
IMO, it is unfair for the dumped person to always have to feel so bad, because a part of it cannot be helped.
If she was with you for six years, and if she had a good head on her shoulders, that says something good about you. If she only stayed in the relationship because she couldn't move on, then it says a lot more about her, than it does about OP.
At the end of the day, I think "we're meant to be" is a fallacy- A deterrent from the fact that we as people overwhelmingly are novel and go through different life stages. Sometimes when a person does that, there is nothing the other person can do, or change or be perfect enough to keep the relationship together. The only way it will work is if both parties madly deeply want to be together.
If you feel you're missing out by being single it is not a good sign. Saying "I need to figure myself out" is vastly different from saying "I still don't know who I am, but I'm glad I got you here". In either scenarios there is emphasis on the self, which there should be in a relationship, but only in the latter is the other person included in some capacity. Because the partner is always involved, voluntarily or involuntarily. That's just the way it is when you live together, sleep together, eat together, hang out together, do taxes together and everything else.
There is this old stereotypical saying about women getting a drastic haircut change deeply into a relationship is a sign of them trying to reinvent themselves. I don't think that's necessarily true (obviously), but I do think having a partner is like a haircut. Sometimes you want a new look, and so you got of a lot of your hair you have grown out over a long period of time. You had a ponytail and beard for years, and suddenly it was time for a new look and boom! Look at you, all new and shit.
I've spend too much of my life using post-relationship pain as a motivator for being better. It's good we try to be better, but we should try to be more realistic and honest. I don't believe the OP could have done anything in this situation. I see so many people who are in loving with relationships with people who most of GAF would collectively say "raises a lot of red flags". The truth is, if you love someone a lot, you will overlook a lot of bad red flags to be with them. We sometimes put a lot of emphasis for the things we lack, and not enough on the fleeting desire for change. Sometimes we feel security, routines, stability, comfort and certainty, and sometimes after prolonged routine relationships we want excitement, evolution, new and unpredictable.
After 6 years, is it possiveness and snooping when reading someone's texts? My girl and I read each other's texts, Facebook messages and Whatsapp all the time, especially when something comes in while the phone's owner is in another room, in case it's important.
We have no secrets, there's complete trust.
it's situational, I think. Like everything else you have a right to ask if you are confused about something, but of course if you are certain that someone is cheating, or certain someone is stealing, you're not gonna take their word for it.
I think the problem is that if people go through reasonable doubt to "partner is cheating for certain! I must invade their privacy". It's much better to ask the person and listen to the response. If there is cheating going on they really might be saying things in a way that is out of the ordinary or telling.
At the end of the day you have to live with the consequences. If you read someones texts and they're cheating, you were in your right to overstep your normal inhibitions. If you are wrong, and there was no cheating going on, this is looking bad at you.
Furthermore, one must also assume that if you have such overwhelming doubt that you want to go through another persons facebook/texts, due to not believing what your partner says, it might be time to move on. Because it is telling if you do not believe your partner. You have outed yourself as having major lack of trust and faith in the person, and the truth will not set you free.
For people with low self worth the speculation and concern of cheating do not stop there. It's like a cycle. "she didn't cheat this one time.."
When people take that style of prison thought to the next level is when they get into private detectives and stalking. For people who have been married +15 years the thought of being alone again is inconceivable, so they will go to extremes before doing the right thing.
