We beer snobs are such because good beers have truly great flavors, and work so complementary in many different contexts: specific meals, specific times of day and seasons, with other beers. If all you've had is pilsner and canned Guinness, of course you won't appreciate it, but that's no reason to not be adventuresome. Seriously; next time you're at a bar, ask for a hefeweisen (hef) or a "sweet" amber -- I think you'll be amazed just how good and easily drinkable it is, especially when compared to canned shit pseudo-pilsners - that crap tasted like fizzy dishsoap to me, even as a kid. Ask for a Pyramid Hefeweizen, a Newcastle Brown, or a Fat Tire Amber; not only will you get a nod of approval from the bartender as a budding beer neophyte, you'll also find them eminently drinkable, unlike that cloying sweet malternative shit. Stay away from IPAs, ESBs, porters, or stouts until you've developed a palate for more complex beers, though; they'll just taste bitter and hoppy to you.
I started out on PBR and Schlitz, puking my brains out at high school parties. It's a long, difficult road to good taste, but it's quite worth it. You'll add a whole range of appreciation to your palate, plus you can get just totally fuckin' bomb-ass blasted on the shit. Good times!
As for the malternative crowd -- malternatives are not only embarassingly candified, it's pretty much a straight up admission that you're too sensitive to taste issues or too ignorant to get drunk efficiently. JD + Coke, on the other hand, is a great compromise -- sweet taste, the classic JD kick, and a hammer to the brain.
Jack's Hard Cola doesn't even HAVE JD in it; it's a swishy malt blend chemically engineered to cater to cowardly taste buds. May I suggest a Long Island Iced Tea instead, madame?
