I'm torn between my extreme and perverse sexual appetite and my desire to have a normal, loving relationship and family life.
I feel like I'm two people, and these two people absolutely cannot meet in the middle or exist peacefully. One side of me craves the romance, love and growth that comes with a healthy relationship and family life. I've been with my partner for a few years, and we have a fantastic life together and I'm really looking forward to starting a family with her. I love her to death and wouldn't trade what we have for the world. I'm very family oriented and my family loves her and she loves/needs them.
The other side however, craves something a bit different. I want to explore every nook, cranny, fetish and perversion the world has to offer. There's almost nothing that doesn't interest me sexually, and I want to try it all. I want to do it with both genders and everything inbetween, multiple people, fluids, toys, equipment etc...hell I'd even include an animal or two along the way. There's literally no sexual act or fetish outside of children that doesn't, at the very least, get me curious enough to give it a shot, and some of the ones that really get me going are depraved as fuck.
What bothers me is I absolutely cannot reconcile these two aspects of myself. I cannot maintain the family life, emotional bonding and mutual beneficence of a "normal" relationship and the types of extreme sexual depravity that I also want. If I go for the latter, I sacrifice any hope of having the former, and if I go for the former, I feel like I'll regret not doing "enough" on my deathbed.
And this isn't a case of "Just talk to your partner about your kinks" kind of thing. The type of shit I want to engage in would make it impossible for me to love or respect the person I'm with on the level that I currently do. I like going on dates, hanging out with family and friends, and doing the romantic stuff.
But I'm also down to spend a weekend tied up on the floor of some sex club covered in the bodily fluids of multiple strangers.
So yeah, I'm fucked but happy either way and I don't know what to do about it.