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[alejob]

Sunday, Sep. 26
Arizona at Atlanta, 1:00 pm
Baltimore at Cincinnati, 1:00 pm
Chicago at Minnesota, 1:00 pm
Cleveland at N.Y. Giants, 1:00 pm
Houston at Kansas City, 1:00 pm
Jacksonville at Tennessee, 1:00 pm
New Orleans at St. Louis, 1:00 pm
Philadelphia at Detroit, 1:00 pm
Pittsburgh at Miami, 1:00 pm
San Diego at Denver, 4:05 pm
Green Bay at Indianapolis, 4:15 pm
San Francisco at Seattle, 4:15 pm
Tampa Bay at Oakland, 8:30 pm

Monday, Sep. 27
Dallas at Washington, 9:00 pm


The NFL is so unpredictable though, no game is a safe bet.



BTW, is Madden the worst freaking announcer ever or what? Does he color his hair? He forgets to color his eyebrows though, he looks funny.

 

[Bowser]

Week 3 Simbotics

Quite a few upsets in there, most notably Detroit over Philly and Niners over Seahawks (and god, I hope it happens ).

 

[Spectral Glider]

BTW, is Madden the worst freaking announcer ever or what?

No, that would be Randy Cross. He makes me want to poke my eardrums out with toothpicks.

 

[Bowser]

MIAMI -- Former Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams was ordered Friday to repay the team more than $8.6 million for breaching his contract when he suddenly quit before training camp.

Arbitrator Richard Bloch ruled Friday that Williams must repay $8,616,353 in bonus money under the contract he left behind when he shocked the Dolphins and their fans with his sudden retirement last month. The contract ran through 2007.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=1888009

Now how's Ricky supposed to get that sticky icky!?!?

 

[Paradox]

BTW, is Madden the worst freaking announcer ever or what?

Yep, he sure is. Makes watching MNF incredibly suck ass.

 

[DMczaf]

:lol

 

[Guileless]

My vote goes to Brian Baldinger. Last year he did the Cotton Bowl involving then OSU player Tatum Bell and said--I shit you not--"Yo quero Tatum Bell." In a Mexican accent.

 

[Bowser]

My vote goes to Brian Baldinger. Last year he did the Cotton Bowl involving then OSU player Tatum Bell and said--I shit you not--"Yo quero Tatum Bell." In a Mexican accent.

...

LMFAO!!! :lol :lol :lol

 

[Fifty]

That doesn't make him the worst . It seems to me like that would make him the best

 

[Eminem]

imo, the best is the sunday night crew imo. Without summerfuck obviously. they actually sound good to me, and i will always remember the bejesus line.

 

[DMczaf]

imo, the best is the sunday night crew imo. Without summerfuck obviously. they actually sound good to me, and i will always remember the bejesus line.

Ugh, dont get me started on them. FMT can back me up on this one.

"I talked to *insert player* yesterday and he told me they would run this play around 15 times tonight. Then I asked him if he feels his team is on track for great things and he winked at me! I got goosebumps, Pat!"

 

[FrenchMovieTheme]

lol dm! exactly

the sunday night crew is the biggest group of cock suckers in the biz. like i said in this thread or another, i can't stand 90% of commentators. the only good ones are the ones fox assigns to the bad games of the week. ironic

 

[Miguel]

The day that Jim Nantz does a Texans game, will be the day that I can finally die and go to heaven. I wonder how much of a homer he would be. :lol

Oh, and the SNF crew's horribleness is trumped by the SINGLE GREATEST LINE IN BROADCASTING HISTORY!

"Seattle won the toss and elected to beat the bejesus out of the Vikings"

It's probably wrong...but still funny. :lol

 

[soulja224466]

uh, SNF's crew sucks. paul macquire is fucking terrible, he never knows what the fuck he's talking about. it's rare he even pronounces a player's name correctly.

I like jim nantz, everyone else sucks imo. the rams radio guys are good, but the webcast is always 5 or 10 seconds behind the action. so im forced to watch the tv guys.

 

[Eminem]

pfft, you guys suck. SNF crew is the best around. all of fox's guys blow. most of cbs's do...but they're far better than fox's.

dick stockton and brian baldinger can eat my shit

 

[Fifty]

Byron Leftwich rocks.

http://webpages.marshall.edu/~leftwich1/

 

[DMczaf]

Byron Leftwich rocks.

http://webpages.marshall.edu/~leftwich1/

:lol :lol

 

[Fifty]

I can't start yet another Bill Simmons thread, but his week 3 column is just pure gold.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040924

TENNESSEE (-6) over Jacksonville
After the '01 Bears and the '03 Panthers, you can't dismiss the 2-0 Jags, even though they're a non-fumbled handoff and a batted-down Hail Mary away from being 0-2. It's like the Paris Hilton thing -- she can't act, she can't sing, she's not funny, she's not smart, she's not interesting, she's not even that attractive ... and yet she's an A-list celebrity right now. Some things just can't be explained. It's perfectly reasonable that the Jags could finish 13-3 and gain momentum as the season drags along, if only because it's perfectly implausible.

(That reminds me, why is Summerall on a first-name basis with Jake? Has anyone ever investigated this? And while we're at it, are we absolutely sure that Summerall is doing these games, and that ESPN didn't just cue up hundreds of old "Madden 2001" soundbites? Conceivably, with the way technology is going, Pat Summerall could keep broadcasting through the rest of the century. Which is a good thing. He's like Marv Albert to me -- it just feels like a bigger game when he's involved. Even if ESPN is possibly using CGI to make it happen.)

(Uh-oh, there's a man down!)

(FLAG on the play!)

One more

WASHINGTON (-2) over Dallas
For the Redskins, last week's Giants game was like the No F---ing Way Game in "Madden" -- no matter what they did, the computer wasn't going to let them win. Those are the games where you walk by the PlayStation2 console and "accidentally" kick the re-set button. In real life, you can't do this. So you have to watch in horror as Patrick Ramsey throws frozen ropes to wide-open defensive backs on the other team.

Ok, I'm done. Thanks.

 

[Eminem]

And while we're at it, are we absolutely sure that Summerall is doing these games, and that ESPN didn't just cue up hundreds of old "Madden 2001" soundbites?

he's fucking reading this thread and ripping us off. what a hack.

 

[Bowser]

he's fucking reading this thread and ripping us off. what a hack.

Yeah, I read that earlier and the first thing I thought was "GAF Rip!"

 

[Eminem]

I seriously think someone can read the NFL threads hear and make a hilarious column using our material. Hell, if anyone used FMT's madden rants, I'd be in stitches.

 

[Fifty]

Did someone here talk about his Madden commentary in last week's thread? Or did we just say how he kept forgetting players' names and just screwing stuff up....Oh well, either way this thread (I say "this thread" but I really mean the threads in general) is funnier.

 

[Ripclawe]

"Seattle won the toss and elected to beat the bejesus out of the Vikings"

one of the great lines in the history of sports broadcasting.

 

[Eminem]

I wonder if Patrick knows how well known he is for that. I mean, the next day I was talked to some friends who really aren't sports fans, but they'll watch football if it's on, and they brought it up. "were you guys watching that seattle game last night? did you hear what that announcer guy said?"

I mean...wow. It's the best line in broadcast history imo. Bejesus > do you believe in miracles

 

[Spectral Glider]

The Sunday Night crew borders on the suck. Theismann is a buffoon. He's so sure of himself as he's throwing out stupid ideas. Paul's only saving grace is that he more or less disagrees with Joe about 99.9% of the time, which provides some entertainment now and then. That's about it though. Summerall has always stunk. I never cared for his extremely dry play calling, even back when he actually knew what the hell was going on. Mike Patrick was serviceable, but not by much.

The move of Nantz to the booth and out of that abyss that is the CBS studio show appears to be a good move. Nantz and Simms seems to be a better fit than Gumble and Simms. Gumble can't save that train wreck of a studio show though. Simms was better back when he first started in a three man booth, him having to talk more hurts a telecast. Though he's miles beyond the rest of CBS's color commentators. And that tells you how horrible they are.

I tend to follow more AFC than NFC, so I'm not familar with all of the Fox guys. Dick Stockton doesn't bother me too much. Joe Buck I just hate as a football announcer. Blah, get him out of there. Aikman's actually not that bad as a color guy. Could be a little cheerier though. Is Collinsworth still calling games for Fox? God, he's right up there on the list of announcers that need a punch to the throat.

I think Al Michaels is still one of the better play by play guys. He at least seems to have the best grasp of the player's names and seems pretty knowledgable about the rules in general. Madden doesn't piss me off as much as he used to. Since they pried him away from the zombie, I think he's a bit more interesting now. Still looks like some giant, cartoon acid trip, but there's not much they can do about that. I believe the reason he had to have all his hokey sound effects and goofy teleprompter nonsense back in the day was because he had to make sure to keep Pat awake/alive. Of course, he still has way too many hard ons for his favorite players......but I find I can tolerate him on the mic more than I used to.

My all time favorite play by play guy was Dick Enberg. I loved listening to him call games back in the late 80s to mid 90s. Sadly, he's approaching Summeral status now as he misses things happening on the field and misreads names and numbers during a game fairly often.

 

[Mrbob]

http://msn.foxsports.com/story/3034414

Lance Briggs finally getting some love. I've been trying to tell people how great he is at linebacker, and now sports writers are beginning to notice. His ratings of mid to high 70s in ESPN and Madden is ridiculous. Hopefully these developers will see this and realize Briggs needs to be rated in the high 80s to low 90s.

 

[DJ_Tet]

Gah I hate early bye weeks. I'm just getting into this NFL thing and my team has to take a seat in week three. With our injuries to Steve Smith and Stephen Davis and our new offensive line, the bye week actually helps the Panthers this early in the season. Not to mention the fact that it gives us an extra week to prepare for the thorn in our side known as Vicklanta. Still, sunday is gonna suck for Panther fans.

 

[Future Trunks]

Sunday, Sep. 26
Arizona at Atlanta, 1:00 pm
Baltimore at Cincinnati, 1:00 pm
Chicago at Minnesota, 1:00 pm
Cleveland at N.Y. Giants, 1:00 pm
Houston at Kansas City, 1:00 pm
Jacksonville at Tennessee, 1:00 pm
New Orleans at St. Louis, 1:00 pm
Philadelphia at Detroit, 1:00 pm
Pittsburgh at Miami, 1:00 pm
San Diego at Denver, 4:05 pm
Green Bay at Indianapolis, 4:15 pm
San Francisco at Seattle, 4:15 pm
Tampa Bay at Oakland, 8:30 pm - all you have to do Bucs O is score ONE TD...ONE! The Defense will do the rest. All I'm asking is for ONE TD! ONE! GOD!

Monday, Sep. 27
Dallas at Washington, 9:00 pm

Collinsworth is the best color guy in my opinion.

As usual, I'm picking with the "I hope this happens" rather than the "I know this will happen."

At least the Bucs D is on pace to do as well as the 2002 season....if only the offense would remember that they aren't just there to keep the bench warm and protect the higher filled cups of Gatorade for the D when they come off the field. :|

Panthers have an early bye? Looks like ATL's representing the South in the Super Bowl this year....

 

[Megafoo Chavez]

I got club seating at tomorrows bengals game. What should i expect in club seating? anything cool

 

[Ramirez]

Free beer and hookers

 

[DMczaf]

Tampa Bay at Oakland, 8:30 pm - all you have to do Bucs O is score ONE TD...ONE! The Defense will do the rest. All I'm asking is for ONE TD! ONE! GOD!

"You hear this guy?!"

 

[TheDuce22]

two monday night football's, two shitty games, and i'm not talking about on the field play. i'm talking about the QB's in both games, particulary favre and mcnabb. madden and the entire media suck so much favre/mcnabb dick they should be arrested for prostitution.

Its true most broadcasters suck up to Mcnabb during the game but he is nowhere near the level of Bret Farve when it comes to ass kissing. We still have people like Hoge and Brian Cox saying the eagles wont even make the playoffs and they are lucky to be 2-0. Not to mention all the questions about his accuracy and decision making despite the fact he has the number 1 passer rating in the leauge. You think that would happen on a Farve led team? Ask most analyists and they will not put Mcnabb in the top 5 of qbs. If anything he is underrated anytime other than gameday.

 

[effzee]

personally i feel fox'a A team are the best commentators. aikman is pretty damn good in analysis and collingsworth and buck are funny. and they always seem to be into the game.

overall i like fox's overall coverageof football better than cbs. cbs seems too bland...fox actually pumps u up for big games.

 

[FrenchMovieTheme]

here is how the jocking goes in the NFL (QB wise):

1. Favre

then, a long distance, then:

2. Mcnabb
3t. Vick
3t. Mcnair
3t. Brady
6. Manning


so, while i admit favre is jocked more, mcnabb is still unjustly jocked. mcnabb is overrated, favre is overrated, etc. you say mcnabb is #1 rated qb etc etc. where was he last year at this time and where did he finish? exactly, the exact opposite (started off the worst starting QB in the league, ended on a hot streak), so the reverse could happen.

mark it down now ladies: none of the QB's on the above list will be in the superbowl this year. and in the case of mcnabb and favre, they wont even make it to the championship game. case closed!

 

[StoOgE]

The Bucs will make the championship game, and then Simms will throw 5 interceptions to colorado to keep them from playing Miami in the Super Bowl.

PUT IN MAJOR!

 

[TheDuce22]

where was he last year at this time and where did he finish? exactly, the exact opposite (started off the worst starting QB in the league, ended on a hot streak), so the reverse could happen.

Thats the thing, when Mcnabb was having a horrible go at it the media was ready to run him out of the leauge. They will turn on him in a heartbeat, you cant say the same for Vick or Farve imo.

 

[Bowser]

[u]Philadelphia Eagles 2004 Schedule[/u]
N.Y. Giants - W
Minnesota - W
@Detroit - W
@Chicago - W
Week 5	BYE	
Carolina - L
@Cleveland - W	
Baltimore - L
@Pittsburgh - W
@Dallas - L
Washington - W	
@N.Y. Giants - W
Green Bay - L
@Washington - L
Dallas - W
@St. Louis - W	
Cincinnati - W
Overall Record: 11-5

I'm predicting 11-5, so I don't really see how the Eagles couldn't make the playoffs (even though I think it'd be funny as hell if they didn't). Hoge still says the Eagles will miss the playoffs even though they're 2-0 and mentions himself they'll probably be 4-0 going into the bye. Sorry, I just don't see that happening.

[u]Carolina Panthers 2004 Schedule[/u]
Green Bay - L 
@Kansas City - W	
Week 3	BYE
Atlanta - W
@Denver - L
@Philadelphia - W	
San Diego - W
@Seattle - L
Oakland - W
@San Francisco - W	
Arizona	- W
Tampa Bay - W	
@New Orleans - W
St. Louis - W
@Atlanta - L
@Tampa Bay - W	
New Orleans - W
Overall Record: 12-4

Come on guys, predict your teams' season!

 

[soulja224466]

bowser:

philly losing at washington, then WINNING at st louis? rofl no chance.

 

[firex]

yeah, seriously, they'll either win both games or they'll lose both of them.

 

[Musashi Wins!]

I'm a Lions fan, battered and blue...but I don't have much hope against Philly unless they turn it over a lot. 2-0 is cool, but you can't feel that good about it when your victories are against turds like Chicago and Houston. This would be a nice week for McNabb to act all overrated.

 

[soulja224466]

i'm not saying philly couldn't win at the rams. But it just seems unlikely they would lose to the lowly skins on the road then somehow come into the dome and win. (where we've won 14 straight)

 

[TheDuce22]

Eagles have a pretty easy schedule. Mainly because the division is crap but even when we play outside the division all the games against decent teams are at home. If this team isnt good enough to finish at 12-4 or better we wont be in the superbowl this year either.

 

[J2 Cool]

More Bill Simmons love cause the man could never get enough
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040924

At a New Year's Eve party right before Y2K, he sneaked into the restaurant's basement and turned off all the power at midnight, waited a few minutes while everyone panicked, then turned everything back on and returned upstairs, grinning from ear to ear.

Haha, his dad sounds almost as funny as him!

(Note: The fourth lesson came from my Aunt Jen, who taught me, "If you're interested in a girl, always meet her Mom because all girls end up eventually turning into their Moms, with no exceptions." We may need to have Bill James figure out a formula for that one.)

(By the way, I think I speak for everyone here: We don't care about Deion's comeback. Really, we don't. We don't care. We just don't. We really don't care. Please leave us alone. We don't care. We don't care. We just don't care. Seriously, we couldn't care less. Nobody cares. I don't care, you don't care, we don't care, nobody cares. None of us care. Stop writing about him. Stop interviewing him. Stop arguing about him. Stop running features about him. Nobody cares. NOBODY cares.)

LOL

Time for a quick Paris story ...


On the day of the Super Bowl last February, I ended up in a six-car, police-escorted caravan that included both Hilton sisters. Don't ask. Anyway, when we arrived at the stadium, they shepherded our swollen group to a separate entrance, so the sisters wouldn't be bothered by common people and all. But there was some sort of holdup, so we ended up standing around for a few minutes, while my friend Paul cracked jokes like "Paris's butt is flatter than a manhole cover" and "When we get through security, Paris is probably going to frisk them."


Of course, Nicky and Paris stepped to the side for a cigarette break; and since they were only about 10 feet away, we watched them sucking down cigs and smiling at one another, like they were having a telepathic conversation that only included phrases like "This sucks" and "You have my lighter, right?" They looked like two quivering extra-terrestials -- barely clothed, fake tans, maybe 180 pounds combined, absolutely nothing to say to one another. It was riveting. I mean, the Patriots ended up WINNING THE SUPER BOWL, and watching the Hilton sisters share a butt was my most vivid memory of the day. That's how weird it was.


I don't know why I'm telling you this.

This guy always has something insanely funny to share that he hasnt told yet! I wish I could just hang out with him for a day. Screw hollywood pricks. My dream day would be to hang out with Conan O'Brien, Bill Simmons, and Adam Carrola

(That reminds me, why is Summerall on a first-name basis with Jake? Has anyone ever investigated this? And while we're at it, are we absolutely sure that Summerall is doing these games, and that ESPN didn't just cue up hundreds of old "Madden 2001" soundbites? Conceivably, with the way technology is going, Pat Summerall could keep broadcasting through the rest of the century. Which is a good thing. He's like Marv Albert to me -- it just feels like a bigger game when he's involved. Even if ESPN is possibly using CGI to make it happen.)

(Uh-oh, there's a man down!)


(FLAG on the play!)

Not enough quotes to give. What this man says is truth

 

[DJ_Tet]

Panthers have an early bye? Looks like ATL's representing the South in the Super Bowl this year....

What does an early bye have to do with that? Panthers are banged up, this early bye means one less game without Stephen Davis in the lineup. We also have two weeks to prepare for our matchup with the Atlanta Vicks in week 4. I'm curious to your reasoning in this statement.

 

[Fifty]

More Bill Simmons love cause the man could never get enough
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040924

That's what I thought when I posted it for the second time on this page of the thread.

 

[Future Trunks]

What does an early bye have to do with that? Panthers are banged up, this early bye means one less game without Stephen Davis in the lineup. We also have two weeks to prepare for our matchup with the Atlanta Vicks in week 4. I'm curious to your reasoning in this statement.

It also means 14 straight weeks to let the injury flare up again and no rest period to give himself a chance to heal.

Teams with early byes rarely do well as the season goes on. I'm sure you knew this, so I'm kinda curious as to why you asked. Now, part of my comment was pure comedy (something else I'm sure you knew - so, again I don't understand why you're posing the question) obviously - to assume an NFC South team would be in the SB again. Just because an early bye occurs conveniently when you have ONE major player out doesn't facilitate the rest of the season going well. Let's suppose instead of just lil' ol' Stephen Davis, you start getting a bunch of role players banged up towards the end without a mid-season or late season bye? No mid-to-late season recharge period.

Want an example of early byes hurting (even when you have injured people early in the season to take advantage of the bye with) a team? Look no further than your favorite team's 2003 season (Bucs ). Early byes tend to not bode well at all.

I could say (and have said): "Bucs are 0-2? Pfft! They're not making the Super Bowl." But of course that's not true. Going 14-2,13-3, 12-4, 11-5, or 10-6 would do a lot to reinforce the Bucs' chances. History says only 3 0-2 teams made it to the Super Bowl, history also says teams with early byes stand less chance to make the playoffs much less the Super Bowl. I'm just playing on history, chief.

Once again, BLATANT joke.

 

[Bowser]

Heh, I know on my picks here, I picked Philly over Detroit, but in the pick 'em leagues, I put Detroit over Philly

 

[effzee]

here is how the jocking goes in the NFL (QB wise):

1. Favre

then, a long distance, then:

2. Mcnabb
3t. Vick
3t. Mcnair
3t. Brady
6. Manning


so, while i admit favre is jocked more, mcnabb is still unjustly jocked. mcnabb is overrated, favre is overrated, etc. you say mcnabb is #1 rated qb etc etc. where was he last year at this time and where did he finish? exactly, the exact opposite (started off the worst starting QB in the league, ended on a hot streak), so the reverse could happen.

how in the world is mcnabb #2???? i know he gets talked about a lot but vick is higher than mcnabb.

and the reason he started off so bad last yr was hit thumb injury. barring any injuries this yr i doubt he will go thru such a rollercoaster in terms of performance, especially with TO and Westbrook playing well.

 

[Shinobi]

WEEK 3

Sunday, Sep. 26
Arizona at Atlanta, 1:00 pm
Baltimore at Cincinnati, 1:00 pm
Chicago at Minnesota, 1:00 pm
Cleveland at N.Y. Giants, 1:00 pm
Houston at Kansas City, 1:00 pm
Jacksonville at Tennessee, 1:00 pm
New Orleans at St. Louis, 1:00 pm
Philadelphia at Detroit, 1:00 pm
Pittsburgh at Miami, 1:00 pm
San Diego at Denver, 4:05 pm
Green Bay at Indianapolis, 4:15 pm
San Francisco at Seattle, 4:15 pm
Tampa Bay at Oakland, 8:30 pm






GAME OF THE MOTHERFUCKIN' YEAR

Monday, Sep. 27

Dallas at Washington

, 9:00 pm

 

[Shinobi]

WASHINGTON (-2) over Dallas For the Redskins, last week's Giants game was like the No F---ing Way Game in "Madden" -- no matter what they did, the computer wasn't going to let them win. Those are the games where you walk by the PlayStation2 console and "accidentally" kick the re-set button. In real life, you can't do this. So you have to watch in horror as Patrick Ramsey throws frozen ropes to wide-open defensive backs on the other team.

:lol So true...I simply laughed at that game last week, not a damn thing you can do about it. No way any offense could play that badly twice in one year, so at least we've gotten it out of the way.