ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO.
HEY FOLKS, YOU KNOW, IT'S THE NHL OFF-SEASON, AN' WHAT I LIKE TO DO TO RELAX IS TO SIT ON MY PATIO WITH A NICE COLD MOLSON CANADIAN AN' THINK 'BOUT THINGS, EH. WHO'S THE WORST COMMIE? WHO IS THE BEST CANADIAN PLAYER EVER (THAT'S BOBBY ORR, EH)? AN' WHAT DO PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF CANADA THINK OF CANADA, EH?
WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK OF CANADA? WELL, IT BETTER BE GOOD, EH. OR I'LL SOCK YA ALL IN THE MOUTH. WE'RE THE BEST, EH, NO QUESTION. BEST HOCKEY PLAYERS ARE FROM HERE, WE GOT A LOTTA LAND, THERE'S SOME GOOD FOOD, AN' FOLKS LIKE THAT DRAKE FELLA WHO MADE THIS MILL GUY REAL MEEK, EH.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE CANADA ARE COMMUNISTS, EH. IT SAYS SO IN THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO THAT COMMIES HATE CANADA. DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THE BOOK TO CHECK, IT'LL MAKE YOU SEE RED AND PRAY TO STALIN, EH. I HEAR THAT IF YOU OPEN THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO, IT'LL ALSO MAKE YOUR HANDS PREGNANT WITH COMMUNIST IDEALS.
YOU FOLKS WANNA KNOW THE BEST PLACE IN CANADA? MIMICO, ONTARIO, EH. YOU GOT GOOD CANADIAN HOCKEY PLAYERS COMIN' FROM THERE LIKE DAVEY CLARKSON, BRENNAN SHANAHAN, AN' DAVEY BOLLAND, EH. MIMICO'S GOT THAT GRIT AN' HEART, EH. IT'S WHY TORONTO IS THE BEST CITY, EH. LOTTA PEOPLE TALK 'BOUT VANCOUVER AN' SAY "OH IT'S SO QUAINT, EH, LOOK AT ALL THE QUAINT STUFF" AN' I JUST TELL 'EM TO SHUT THEIR MOUTHS AN' TALK 'BOUT MIMICO AN' TORONTO. I HEAR COMMIES ARE HANGIN' 'ROUND VANCOUVER, EH. WHERE'S THAT TEABRIS FELLA AT TO TALK 'BOUT THIS?
YOU ALSO GOT NEWFOUNDLAND, EH. WHAT A GREAT PLACE. THE PLACE WHERE NHL LEGEND DANNY CLEARY CAME FROM. YOU KNOW YOU'RE DOIN' IT RIGHT WHEN YOU GOT DAN CLEARY HAILIN' FROM YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS, EH.
NOW, LEMME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, WASHIN' HANDS, WHEN A BUNCH OF COMMUNISTS RAN IN A BATHROOM STALL. I WAS LOOKIN' AT 'EM 'CAUSE THEY LEFT THE STALL DOOR OPEN, EH. THEY WERE INSIDE PRAYIN' TO STALIN AN' EXCHANGIN' COMMUNIST MANIFESTO NOTES, EH. THEY WERE ALSO STEPPIN' ON THE CARPET WITH THEIR SHOES ON. BOY, THAT GOT ME REAL STEAMED. ALL OF A SUDDEN, BOBBY ORR RAN IN AN' GOT INSIDE ANOTHER STALL. HE LEFT THE STALL DOOR OPEN 'CAUSE HE'S A GOOD CANADIAN KID. ANYHOW, BOBBY SANG THE CANADIAN ANTHEM AN' STARTED READIN' MY BOOK, DON CHERRY'S HOCKEY STORIES AN' STUFF. THOSE COMMIES GOT REAL EMBARRASSED AN' RAN OUT THE DOOR CRYIN', AN' THEY FORGOT TO WASH THEIR HANDS, EH. I STARTED TEARIN' UP, EH. I WAS REAL PROUD OF BOBBY.
BOBBY ORR REMINDED ME OF BOBBY ORR, EH. GOD LOVE' EM.