WCW Monday Nitro 1/17/2000
TLDR: I loved the shit out of Nitro.
After a pretty shitty few days where both Bret Hart and Jeff Jarrett had to pull out of a PPV the night of the show and vacate their titles (and Bret, the lead heel of the main angle in the company, retiring), then Chris Benoit wins the title only to vacate it and leave the very next day along with Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko, and Perry Saturn, Nitro starts out with a LIMO!
TO THE BACK. Kevin Nash's limo pulls up. He is the new commissioner of WCW. Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett are with him. Double J gives a long walk with his hand out for a hand shake, and even says "hey lets shake hands", but Nash ignored him completely. lolz
Billy Kidman vs Hypnosis. Oh shit. The show starts out with a match, and between two cruisers? Awesome. I feel like this was a "see, we still have a midcard". Due to his performances last night, Kidman is now not only a cruiserweight, but a top star in WCW. Psychosis should never have lost the mask. Ever. Besides being a hideous guy, his cool factor dropped at least 80% instantly. I'm not sure if it was as bad as Rey losing his mask, but pretty close. Brain's headset wasn't working until about 5 minutes into the show, and once he starts talking, he sounds completely sloshed. Most of the match is about putting Kidman over as a big star. There was a second rope sit out gourdbuster from Hypnosis, a crazy cyclone suplex from Kidman, Kidman kicked out of the guillotine leg drop, but then he tried to powerbomb Kidman, which was his downfall. Fun little sprint that was all about putting Kidman over.
Run down of the show. Tony explains the injuries to Bret and Jarrett. The decision for the world title match has been reversed due to Sid's leg being under the ropes when he tapped out. A taped Arn promo about being the ref and the mistake he made. He takes responsibility for making a bad call.
The WCW World Championship title history from October (when Russo came in) until this show:
October 25th: Title vacated after Sting lost to Goldberg in a non-sanctioned match and attacked a referee.
November 21: Bret Hart wins title in a tournament final.
December 20: Bret Hart vacates title due to wacky finish at Starrcade.
December 20: Bret Hart regains title in a rematch with Goldberg. Included a heel turn.
January 16: Bret Hart vacates title due to injury.
January 16: Chris Benoit crowned new champion after defeating Sid.
January 17: Title vacated due to Chris Benoit leaving the company. On screen reason was due to Arn Anderson making a bad call.
And it will be vacated 4 more times in the rest of the year.
The first state of the WCW address from Kevin Nash will be delivered tonight.
TO THE BACK. Commissioner Nash is walking to his office. The Harris Boys, in suits, guard his office. Booker and Midnight are interviewed by Scheme Gene. Book never forgot where he came from.
Stevie Ray and Big T make their way to the ring. Ahmed is wearing a sweet leather fanny pack and what appear to be skinny jeans, but I think he was wearing normal jeans, but he was too FAT. He's got a FAT ASSES. Steven is willing to give Book another chance if he comes out. Stevie calls Midnight a big rat. So she's a fish and a rat. Book and Mike Tenay shop at the same place. Booker doesn't want to hear shit and attacks Ahmed. Crazy Pearl River Plunge, which makes Big T fall over like Vader in 2005. I guess this is a match now, because Nick Patrick is in the ring. Booker shows Ahmed how to do an ax kick without killing someone. BOOK END! Ahmed more or less no sells both moves, pulls a slapjack out of his fanny pack, and gets his first WCW win.
Disco Inferno (with JTB and Big Vito) vs Vampiro. The gang talks about the rumors going around about the WCW Championship. They are telling us that Thunder is going to be really important to the title picture, which means we won't get to know anything about it tonight. Vampiro is super over. He's been one of the most over guys on all the shows so far. I don't think he was a good wrestler, but he had cool moves and was over. So whatever. Another dangerously high angle uranagi. Then he missed a twisting moonsault. Vito and Da Bull get tossed out. DISCO SUCKS chant starts up, which was the entire point of his gimmick in the first place, so it all worked out. Top rope spin kick, one handed bulldog, and a super kick has Vamp in control. JTB and Vito come back to throw Disco back in the ring, who gets hit with the Nail in the Coffin for a Vamp victory.
TO THE BACK. Nash is going over his state of the union. Scotty is showing Nash some YAKS. The same yaks that were the same ones from last week that Scotty was plowing, who then set him up for Funk to put soap in his mouth. Scotty asks Kev if they can play Twister, but Kevin is now a commissioner and that is inappropriate.
THREE COUNT have a nice performance. Tony and Tenay get into a serious fight over Tony saying Mike was old because he didn't like 3 Count. This set Tenay OFF. He's not old, HE LIKES ALTERNATIVE!! He doesn't like that bubble gum crap! So bad. The way he said" I like alternative" was amazing. It was like the Big Bang Theory. Mike Tenay really hates pop music. He'd even take New Wave over that shit. Crowbar and David come out and two planchas later, the match starts. S&P make their way out. David and Daffney had been fined for kissing on air. A double backdrop sends Shannon Moore into the ropes, like Eddie from the one monkey flip. Looked rough. Brain says S&P stands for Silly Putty. They don't acknowledge him. Daffney is hissing at Evan. Tenay is getting awfully snippy with Tony. "Did you get a shot of testosterone before the show today or what?" "I know what happened to him. He had two glasses of chocolate milk before the show." You know how King grunts and says "ow" when guys hit moves? Brain SCREAMS at any impactful move. Crowbar gets the win with a Christian-styled reverse DDT. 3 Count tries to sing again anyway. Tenay wants them to pull the plug.
TO THE OFFICE. The YAKS are giving massages to the nWo. Nash can't say Old Age Outlaws. Took him 3 tries.
Tank Abbott vs The Maestro. One punch KO. Great way to debut a new character. Norman Smiley comes out. He tries to bait Tank into a fight. Norman backs into MENG. Meng growls at Tank. Norman tries to get Meng calmed down.
TO THE BACK. The roster is making their way out to the arena for the state of the union address.
State of the Union Address by Commissioner Nash. A number of guys who haven't been on TV all month are in the group. Jim Duggan is the only one to get a reaction. The Artist is there (who I don't think had debuted yet), Dustin Rhodes, a few other guys. Kevin Nash comes out to Hail to the Chief. Nash's suit makes him look like a DCAU character. Huge USA chants for Nash. Nash immediately buries the entire roster, calling them a sea of underachievers. He has goals for everyone. He'd like to give Tenay a personality. Knobs a brain. Tank, a heart. Norman Smiley, some courage. OZ REFERENCE! I have a bad copy, so I missed some of the speech, but he gave the US Title back to Jeff Jarrett. There will be some rule changes. Health is rule number one. Mandatory examinations before every match. RECTAL EXAMS! After the speech, everyone must go to the back to see Dr. Jellyfinger. Rule 2. Total equality in the locker room. No special treatment for the A. B. or C. talent. Everyone dressed together. No one is too look directly at Nash and they must all refer to him as Lord Master. Rule 3: No one is allowed to ask what is going on with the world title. The official statement is "I'll let ya know." Rule 4: No longer will illegal substance be allowed in the locker room. Dogs are going through the locker room right now and all vials of Viagra will be seized. He apologizes specifically to Lex for the inconvenience. He really wants to know if Buff is fucking Kim. He schedules a rematch with Buff and DDP with Kim as the ref as his first main event.
TO THE BACK. Kim isn't pleased with Nash.
Bruce Campbell and Rick Steiner vs Masa Chono and Super J. I think that's Fake Sting. I guess this is what Chono said the night before when he interrupted Vampiro's promo. He said "I'm coming to America to have a 5 minute match on Nitro with Fake Sting vs IRS and Rick Steiner pretending to be Scott Steiner." They do acknowledge Fake Sting as the former Fake Sting. Lex Luger now plays that role. Why did Team 2000 wear space suits to wrestle in? Not even a minute in and IRS is drenched in sweat. Nice to see some things never change. Boring, this match sucks, and ECW chants start up. I swear Rick is borderline shooting anytime he gets near Super Jeff. Actually, IRS is being extra stiff with him, too. Steiner and Chono fight on the floor while IRS has an abdominal stretch (imagine that) on in the ring. Crowd are chanting some college football chant. This is a mess. Really stiff, but completely disjointed, no one seems to want to work with each other. Chono wins after Super Sting reverses IRS's small package. Chono looked AWFUL. Holy shit. So bad. Was he already broken down in 2000?
Sid is out. I'm pretty sure he cums every time he first pumps someone. Sid vs The Wall. Maybe a chokeslam match. Last night, Tony said Wall's HIAC match with Kidman was the biggest victory of his career. Sid isn't fucking around and immediately starts beating the shit out of The Wall. Two huge big boots right to the face. Then he starts laying in the stiffest chair shots of his career. Sid is really fucking Wall up. This is awesome. Busts a beer bottle (I think, might have just been a cup) over his head. SID SID SID SID chants. And now we get a cut of Disco, Vito, and JTB casually chatting with Nash in his office. The match is still going on, but there is no double screen. Just Nash asking them if they know Vinnie Vegas. So he's referenced VV, Oz, and the Master Blasters so far. I wonder if he'll make a Diesel reference? He sends them out to kick Sid's ass. Good. I want to see Sid fuck more dudes up. BIG chokeslam gives Sid the win in a complete squash. Biggest reaction of the night. It was awesome. I hope Disco gets powerbombed soon. JTB gets a stiff powerbomb. So does Vito. Disco bails. But those were two of the best powerbombs of Sid's career. For all you jerk offs who shit on Sid and couldn't understand why people were so pumped for him to show up on Raw a few months ago, watch this. Unadulterated Sid awesomeness.
TO THE BACK. Steiner is coming to the ring with some YAKs. One I think is Midajah. He crushes the Ohio State University mascot on the ramp. Just completely blindsides him. He and the girls are in Michigan gear. Basically, Ohio can suck it and he's going to fuck all their women. HOLLAR! Crowd is molten when Steiner starts singing the Michigan fight song. Then he attacks a fan. This was also pretty awesome, even though it was clearly a plant. I'm a sucker for some good localized heeling.
TO THE BACK. Lex and Liz are on their way to the arena. Lex is no longer dressing as Sting.
Lex vs Bam Bam. 1994 represent. This is because of Lex as fake Fake Sting randomly coming out to attack Bam Bam after his match with Kanyon on Thunder. Even the announcers can't figure out why this happened. Sting should be back by the end of the month. Maybe next week, maybe the week after. Kanyon comes out while Liz distracts the ref. Lex I think broke the champag ne bottle, but he barely tapped Bam Bam with it, so idk. Lex was so bad at this point in his career. God damn. He was pretty boss up until he left for the WWF, sucked for most of that, then was pretty good again from 1995-1997 and just took a nose dive.
TO THE BACK. DDP, Buff, and Kim are on their way to the ring. Kim is such a good looking woman. Fuck.
DDP vs Buff with Kim as the special ref. Kim has a weird Van Halen sounding theme song with a house style beat. "Show your tits" chant. Kim is slow on the counts. They brawl into the stands pretty quickly. Kim stays at ringside for this. Someone loses a crutch so it can be shattered over Buff's back. They finally make their way back to the ring and DDP is in control. Until a stun gun in the corner from Buff. Random dude dressed as a ref runs through the stands. Kim hasn't really shown any favoritism towards either guy. Both guys do a series of snapmares, followed by a bridge, followed by a snapmare, finally ended with Buff hitting a reverse DDT. Buff accidetally hits Kim. DDP hits the Diamond Cutter for the win and Kim storms off.
This show was fun as fuck. For reals.
TLDR: I loved the shit out of Nitro.
