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WCW Monday Nitro 7/12/99
Randy Savage is the new WCW Champion. He did it on a top 5 all time worst PPV.
The show starts with a recap of Bret Hart maybe retiring from last week. Also, Goldberg's back.
TO THE MEAN GENE. The new champion is the guest and he comes to the ring alone. He's a self made man and the boss. Who's the boss? Macho Man. Fuck yo Danza. He challenges ANYBODY...but Kevin Nash. Nash doesn't deserve a title shot. This brings out HULK HOGAN! Hulk comes out to hot dog. He's got lust in his eyes! Hogan was in the category of Nash, so he won't be getting a shot. The match has already been booked. SWERVE! Wait, so Hogan got this match booked before Savage even came out to issue an open challenge? Or did Hogan immediately get JoJo to sign the match as soon as Savage started talking? Savage changes his mind and says he'd love to have a match with Hogan.
A long Randy Savage hype video played after the 10 minute promo segment.
Recap of the main event from last night.
Nitro Girls dance.
Rap is Crap video.
Vampiro vs Konnan
Fuck. There are no NLS. Rey isn't even out with Konnan. The last time Vamp was on TV was on Thunder getting his ass kicked in a 30 second squash. Vampiro threw a chair Sabu-style and is disqualified.
We are given a recap of Dean vs David, which included showing pictures and then a random shot of a down camera looking at a guardrail for a few seconds. Dean vs Ric will happen later tonight. The match that was never booked, but cancelled in order to do David vs Dean on the PPV is finally actually booked.
The Cat vs Buff Bagwell
Cat shits on Buff for looking like a stupid boxer and for having to have his mama help him out. He continues to make fun of Judy, which brings Buff out. Cat tells him to kiss his ass. Cat attacks Buff. Is this a match or not? There is no ref, so I guess not, but no one is trying to stop it. "There's the stuff coming out of Buff right now!" Gross. Cat drops Buff with his Wizard of Oz kick. Sonny makes the pin. The bell rang. Does that mean it counted? Lol, Buff has his mom save him last night and then gets his ass kicked by Cat the next night.
Recap of the awful boxing match.
Nitro Girls dance awkwardly. You know what is great about them? None of them have tripped on the new ramp, even when walking backwards in the dark.
Dean Malenko vs Ric Flair
No only is Hogan back, but Bischoff is back on commentary. Flair throws Saturn and Benoit out before the match. Bischoff is again ranting about Bill Watts. Dean goes right after Flair, but Bischoff wants to talk about Hogan and Savage instead of the match. Mud holes are stomped. Flair Flip sends Ric to the floor. "Come on Dean, don't give this man a break", said in the most sarcastic and annoyed way possible when Dean wasn't giving Ric a break at all. Arn was hiding behind a ring post and drilled Dean. Dean back dropped Flair on the floor, but Dean was so short it wasn't even a real bump. Arn gets in the ring and Robinson just turns his head. I don't know why Robinson even pretends to not see things. What's the point? His gimmick is that he's Flair's personal and corrupt ref. Of course he's going to allow Flair to cheat, so why even sarcastically go through the motions of getting out of position? Bischoff is ruining what action is going on by going well past face commentator with his shots at Flair and Robinson. Ref bump. Dean is too short. He's shorter than Charles Robinson. A new ref was immediately teleported into the ring and Flair slapped on the figure four. Dean rolled it over. Asya ran in and kicked the new ref. Dean was pounding the mat while he had the figure four reversed, so Robinson counted that as a tap out. Flair wins! They all beat down Dean until STING makes the save. Is he just going to feud with everyone on the roster? "Space Mountain...is on VIAGRA!" Another dick joke from the born again Christian. 10 years ago, Flair was trying to hold guys like Sting and Luger down, and 10 years later, he's still doing it. Sting wants control of WCW. "You know what, my wife would like control, but you know what? She does just what I tell her, just like you're gonna do, punk!" "Not what I heard." Sting vs Flair for control of WCW later tonight? Nah, we'll get Sting vs David Flair and if Sting can beat David, he can get a match with Ric.
Recap of the Junkyard Invitational. All the injuries were mentioned, probably the most serious being Silver King needing 60 stitches.
Kidman vs Steve Regal
Kidman continues his push of floundering while all of his friends get to do stuff. They keep talking about the horrible fate that befell Kevin Nash the previous night. He just lost a title. They're acting like losing the title was harder on him than the attempted vehicular homicide last month. Also, Nash kidnapped a woman and held her hostage for a week. Why does no one have a problem with that? Kidman goes flying over the ropes. Regal is the typical mean old cunt we all love. A whole lot of roll ups and roll throughs. Another ref bump. THIS IS BOGUS! Squire and Fit get involved. Kidman takes them out on his own. Kidman badly botches the SSP by landing on the ropes. Bischoff comes in the ring to check on him. They do a quick small package, which Bischoff counts the fall for. Bischoff then shoves both Finlay and Taylor on their asses. It was bad enough when he slapped Sandman, but now he's knocking FIT FINLAY and Dave Taylor on their asses. The Nu Blue Bloods confronted Bischoff at the announce table. Bischoff claimed that Kidman didn't botch, but did it on purpose to set Regal up. Then the replay made him change his tone completely.
Nitro Girls dance.
Kenny Kaos vs Sid
"Wanna scoop?" Bischoff offhandedly mentions that ICP and Dennis Rodman will be at Nitro next week. He also mentions a rumor that KISS may be performing on Nitro on August 23rd. Tony came. Sid dominates and wins with the powerbomb. No offense from Kaos at all. No scissors references from Bischoff. He said all kind of crazy shit after the match before calling Sting out. Before he did so, Bischoff made sure to say, "He's calling out Sting!".
Nitro Girls dance.
David Flair vs Sting
Sting immediately does a Stinger Splash and locks on the Deathlock. Robinson won't ring the bell, so Sting gives him the Deathdrop. He then beats up Flair and Arn. He didn't stop when Flair pulled Asya in front of him. No result was given. I'm going to assume that it was a DQ since Sting attacked the ref.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene presents Fit Finlay with the new WCW Hardcore Championship. It's actually a trophy made up of random things like a hubcap, a table saw, and lug nuts. But who gives a shit, dude just got punked out by Bischoff a few minutes ago. Another one of those segments where Waffle House is inexplicably mentioned 4 or 5 times. All the guys from the junkyard hit the ring and they all brawl. Jimmy Hart stole the trophy.
Tony wants to recap the tag title match, but instead they show pictures of the main event. Tony says they'll get it right eventually. This is the second noticeable production error of the show, something that was becoming more common every week.
Booker T. vs DDP
Before the match, DDP did his terrible catchphrases. What really drove me nutty was that he said "two time" THREE times when talking about himself, but only said "two time" ONCE when talking about the Triad being two time champs. Booker should be in Buff's place in the Buff/Dean/Saturn/Benoit group. Booker is another guy totally floundering. A quick recap: Beat Bret Hart to be number one contender to the US Championship. US Championship is vacated, so he wins the TV Championship and is entered into the US tournament. He lost to Scott Steiner, then lost his belt to Rick Steiner, then was laid out, then was off TV for a few weeks. Sting, Goldberg, then Lex Luger replaced him in the feud with the Steiners. Then that angle was dropped altogether for Sting to join the main event angle, Lex to decide he wasn't ready to come back, and Goldberg to vanish to do a movie. Booker then would miss a few more weeks of action and has about as much momentum as Kidman. Also, fuck the Triad. Another ref bump. Kanyon ran back out and hit a Flatliner. BANG! Book kicked out. Kanyon gets the coke out again. Bam Bam runs in and the match is thrown out. They tape Booker up in the corner and beat him down. We see the B Team watching and making fun of Booker. Stevie gets sick of it and runs out with a chair to make the save. I wonder why the Triad were randomly so mad at Booker as to tie him up and beat on him.
Randy Savage vs Hollywood Hogan WCW Championship
Now the girls are out with him. Hogan came out to Voodoo Child earlier, but now comes out to the Wolfpac theme and is wearing nWo gear. The Wolfpac isn't a thing any more. I wonder why Nash never used the Wolfpac theme in WWE. These dudes haven't had a decent match together since 1990. Hogan rams Madusa and Molly Holly together. The girls then get into a fight over it as Bischoff screams "Tear it up girlfriend" and, "You go girl". This was all part of Hulk's plan, because he is the smartest man ever in wrestling ever ever ever. He's so smart. He's a genius. Hulk Hogan is the greatest human ever to live. Fuck off, Bischoff. Jesus. If you want to blow the guy, just blow the guy. It's cool. No one cares. Just don't do it verbally in the middle of a match. This is probably the first time ever that Hogan is actually the more mobile guy in a match between these two. Bischoff for real sounded like he was about to jizz his pants when Hulk was over at the table. Savage used George as a shield and she ended up accidentally falling into the stairs and hurting herself. And maybe lost something on her shirt. Savage laid those weight belt shots in. One definitely wrapped around and hit Hulk in the face. Savage misses the elbow and Hulk Hulks up. Sid hit the ring and nailed Hogan. The ref didn't call for a DQ. Bischoff says that Hogan called for a no DQ match. It was so nice of WCW not to mention that on screen before the second a DQ should have been called. Savage hit Hogan with a chain and Sting chased Sid away. Nash pulled the ref out and powerbombed Savage. Hogan wins. New champion! It sucked. Nash says this is the 2nd time he's handed Hogan the title and he wants a real match with Hulk. Now he's pissed and I think he just turned heel.
DQ Count: 3 out of 7 (8) matches.
The good news is that Savage vs Nash is over. The bad news is that Hogan is back as the top face. Eric Bischoff is one of the worst announcers of all time. He's somehow significantly worse than he was in the first 2 years of Nitro. He talks over promos, responds to promos as if they're all directed at him, buries everyone except Hogan, who he verbally felates harder than King and Cole do for Cena.
Remember when Goldberg came back on Nitro last week to say he was back? He wasn't on Thunder, the PPV, or Nitro and was only mentioned in a recap of last week and to announce he'd be signing autographs at some store. Buff looked like a total punk on the PPV even with the victory, then gets his ass kicked by Cat the next night and made fun of for being a mama's boy. Sting is now feuding with Flair for control of WCW after going from the Steiners to Savage/Nash/Sid all within about 3 weeks. Finlay wins the ridiculous Junkyard Invitational and the very next night, Eric Bischoff knocks him on his ass. Along with Dave Taylor and Sandman, this is the 3rd guy that Bischoff has bowed up to and struck without any repercussions, because he's Mr. Bad Ass McGood Guy Boss now.
The No Limit Soldiers thing appears to have been dropped since none made an appearance and the group name wasn't even mentioned, not even in the PPV recap. This show is pretty much what led to Savage leaving the company. He felt that Hogan was trying to hold him down and ruined his angle with Nash. He'd just not show up to events, do his thing with Rodman, and then not show up again until that random Thunder in 2000. This was also right around the time where Benoit/Saturn/Eddie/Dean/Kidman/Rey/Konnan/Raven all were floating it around that they wanted to leave the company. Things are a mess backstage.