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WCW Monday Nitro 3/8/99
The show opens with construction of the barbed wire cage for Uncensored. I swear Goldberg was the one building it. We're shown Flair telling Arn that he's not very worried about David and is more concerned with becoming champion again.
TO THE NITRO PARTY. Fuck you, Riki. Jorts, combat boots, and a leather jacket. Does this clown think he's Raven or Bret Hart?
TO THE AC JAZZ. An interview with AC Jazz about her, her dogs, her hard family life, and her dancing. Her dad was electrocuted to death! .....Was it The Shockmaster?
Recap of Hulk saying how gross Flair is to care more about wrestling than his own son hating him. And by recap, I mean the whole promo. Actually, I think it is an extended cut. I don't remember the part where Hogan talked about Flair holding people down politically and doing whatever he could do to stay on top. Lol.
TO THE NITRO PARTY. Konnan is there, which means he won't be wrestling tonight. That's a win for me. However, this is probably 25 minutes in with commercials and they haven't even been in the arena yet.
Konnan's second music video airs. Fuck me.
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE nWo. Hogan and Nash watch Ric Flair's promo from Nitro, MST2K style. They randomly name drop Buddy Landell. Nash mentions Loveline. Nash's booking sure has done a good job to make Ric Flair look like an egomaniac loser who is obsessed with wrestling and revenge more than his family.
TO THE HUMMER. Steiner and Buff were pulled over for speeding. The cops recognize them and offer them a deal: They can get out of the ticket if they do police work. So they get badges and are now cops. They fine a woman for smoking in the mall. They hold a guy upside down for not putting change in a meter. Make sure to never go to Boston, since they give badges to random celebrities with roid rage and no training.
TO THE NITRO PARTY. Fuck you, Riki. Kidman is also at the party. I guess they aren't even going to bother with the first hour anymore.
THE FOLLOWING IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE nWo. Torrie is at a shooting range when Hogan and Nash show up. Torrie is now known as Samantha, even though she's been called Torrie on screen at least once. They need a new plan for David and will meet her later for dinner. After a break, we get to see them at dinner. Torrie has another girl to use. She claims this girl is even hotter than her. She shows up. Hogan says "Straight up, holmes". This is so weird. Awkward dinner. This woman's last name is "Robinson". Is she related to Charles Robinson? There is a $20K pay off, but only if the job is done.
Finally, the second hour starts, so the show actually begins. They didn't even have the titles before the second hour.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Goldberg is the guest. You have to be shitting me, they spent the whole first hour not even in the arena, and now they start off with a promo? Instead of Goldberg, David Flair and Torrie Wilson come out. They call Ric Flair out. Instead, Goldberg comes out. There is a commercial in the middle of his entrance. Due to his respect for the Flair name, he won't handle this the way he normal does. David pokes Goldberg. Goldberg throws him in the corner. Ric Flair was coming in and saw it on the camera. He sprints to the ring and chops Goldberg, then taunts David. Goldberg press slams Flair. I think they're going to have a match tonight. I AM THE LINE!
Raven vs Hak Falls Count Anywhere
YO! They start the match by hugging and then fight. Sandman goes into the corner, which has the barbed wire. Cane shots. Hak is down. Both guys got a jobber entrance. Guardrail legdrop from Sandman. They got to the ramp. Raven reverses a suplex on it. Raven sets up a table. He drops an elbow from halfway up the scaffolding through a table. Bam Bam saunters out. He attacks both men and the match is thrown out. Lol. A DQ in a falls count anywhere hardcore match. We've got ourselves a pier six brawl! They fight to the back. Sandman does a flip bump into a ladder. Sandman is one of my favorite sellers of all time. Raven gets sent into the side of an ambulance. They continue to brawl for a while. Why hasn't anyone tried to stop this? Evenflow on Flair's limo! BUT WHO WAS LIMO?! Bam Bam squashes Raven. Sandman's face cracks the windshield. This was a wild brawl that just kind of ended. YO!
Lizmark Jr. vs Chris Jericho
Jericho is the Swami of the dog collar matchski. He wants Lizzy to put the dog collar on. He agrees, so I guess we've got ourselves a dog collar match. The only dog collar match I want to see is Piper vs Valentine, which is among the most brutal matches I've ever seen. Right on cue, Tony brings it up. Jericho easily wins with the Liontamer.
Scott Steiner vs Booker T WCW TV Championship
Flying forearm to start things out. Scott throws Book in the corner, but gets caught with a spinning kick. Another get and Steiner bails to the floor. He gets back in the ring and does some crossfaces. Low blow. Buff gives a cheap shot on the floor that the ref totally saw and didn't say anything about. We go to a break and come back to another flying forearm from Book, only for Scott to pop up with a Steinerline. Spinning belly to belly. Tiger bomb. Tree of Keanu. Book fights back with a spinning neck breaker. Ax kick. Flapjack Norton. Harlem side kick! Book is about to win. He goes for the missile dropkick. Buff tripped him up. Steiner Recliner for the win. After the match, Buff and Scott beat Book up with a chair. Why is Booker in a match for the TV Championship anyway? He's the number one contender to the US Championship. Why would he be competing for a lower tiered title? And if he just lost, does that make Steiner the number one contender to the US Championship?
TO THE BACK. Mean Gene talks with Jerry Flynn about his handicap match at Uncensored. Before he can talk, Sonny comes up with a wad of money, apparently trying to bribe him. Cat kicks Jerry in the back of the head. Mean Gene WILL NOT BE PART AND PARCEL TO THIS! THEY CUT HIS MULLET OFF! OMG! Flynn started to get up and the producer told him to stay down.
Scott Norton vs Rey Mysterio Jr.
It really bothers me that Rey got Konnan's theme as a hand me down since Konnan has a new song out. Big chop. I hope he doesn't chop Rey as hard as he chopped Cat. The last match had probably the hardest chop I've ever seen when Norton basically hit Cat in the neck/face and knocked UP. Tony gets distracted at Brain's pronunciation of "bizarre" as "BEEzarre". Norton tosses Rey around a bit, totally playing with him. Rey is chucked to the floor. Sadly, this is boring. Rey fights out of a shoulder breaker, but gets thrown into the corner. Norton then does a crazy gut wrench and a one handed press slam. He picks Rey up one too many times and gets kicked right in the dick. Rey wins!
Another video of the barbed wire cage being built by what looks like Goldberg and Chuck Norris.
Van Hammer vs Bret Hart
This is really what they're using Bret Hart for? Random matches with Van Hammer and no storyline? This is Bret Hart. Van Hammer isn't even a Thunder main eventer. You know who else doesn't have an angle? Goldberg. What about Sting, who has been out since October due to Bret? Bret is now reduced to random Nitro matches with mid carders. It's not like an enhancement match or anything. It's just a random Nitro match. Hammer doesn't know how to take a figure four. Bret has to forcefully put it on. This legitimately bums me out. This is so long. I have no doubt Bret had a concussion last week. Bret finally wins with a Sharpshooter. I can't believe they had Bret have such a long match with Van Hammer.
Hogan and Nash come to the announce booth. Oh, good. Chet Lemon and Todd Boulder on color tonight.
Ric Flair vs Goldberg
Flair tries to match power. None of his attempts work. Press slam into a powerslam. Flair walks off. Goldberg carries him back to the ring. Low blow. And another. A third. All were in front of the ref. Goldberg reverses the figure four. Flair goes up top and promptly gets thrown off. Ric dodges the spear! Stalling suplex from Flair. Goldberg pops right up. Spear! The B Team (and Disco) hit the ring. Disco gets press slammed to the floor. Hogan and Nash hit the ring. Out comes Buff and Steiner as well. Flair hits a lot of dicks to get to Hogan. WE'RE OUTTA TIME.
DQ Count: 2 out of 6 matches.
Jesus, this show. The entire first hour featured no wrestling or even interviews from the arena or backstage. Everything was pretaped. Then second hour starts and we're finally going to get a match...and it is another interview segment, this time with a commercial in the middle of an entrance. THEN, the very first match is a falls count anywhere hardcore match that ends in a DQ and then a fight 3 times longer than the match takes place...in the back.
