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[AntoneM]

After the girl who I thought was "the one" left me... and some time after that, I decided to start dating again. I went out and got numbers; at least a dozen. However, when I called, they never answered and never responded to my message (only leave one message or else be a creeper). I got discouraged but didn't give up. I went to eHarmony and paid money and didn't get a single date.

I met my current girlfriend on OkCupid. We went on our first date January 17, so at this point it's safe to say we are in a relationship. In fact, we've been talking about her moving in.

All that said, I went on dates with 5 other girls from OkCupid before meeting her and those other girls lasted from one date to three dates. Anyway, I guess the lesson is not to give up.

PS: this whole story lasted from August until now, so it's not like magic.

 

[Ermac]

So I messaged this girl and she messaged me back pretty quickly. What I didn't notice is that she's 27. I turn 23 this month.

Pursue?

 

[Slayer-33]

So I messaged this girl and she messaged me back pretty quickly. What I didn't notice is that she's 27. I turn 23 this month.

Pursue?

Of course.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Only if you're a workaholic. If you're in college or if you have any sort of hobbies then meeting people should not be hard.

Don't be silly, it isn't that finding people is hard. It's finding the right people that is hard. I've been at a school with a 60% female student body for over a year, and I have had ridiculous luck with finding a girl who is interested in me. I'm not ugly, nor am I a social misfit, but I simply cannot find someone who wants to go out with or fuck me.

Luck plays a huge role in finding someone, whether you believe it or not.

 

[Attackthebase]

So I messaged this girl and she messaged me back pretty quickly. What I didn't notice is that she's 27. I turn 23 this month.

Pursue?

Yes. I like older women than the youngsters.

 

[.GqueB.]

I find it beneficial to act as flippant as possible on this site. I used to try and say all the right things but last night I just overhauled my entire profile to that of someone who didn't give a crap and my response rate shot up.

Just messaged a girl:

"you seem like a pain in the ass but you said you owned a camera and I need some new pictures."

She answered me. I don't get this site sometimes.

 

[KO Traveling Hobo]

I just discovered a girl on Plenty of Fish that commutes on the same train as me every morning, it's weird seeing someone you recognise. I've made small talk with her a couple of times on the train, but it'd be incredibly awkward if I contacted her on there wouldn't it? haha

Ah well at least I know she's single

Have you seen Groundhog Day? Do that.

I find it beneficial to act as flippant as possible on this site. I used to try and say all the right things but last night I just overhauled my entire profile to that of someone who didn't give a crap and my response rate shot up.

Just messaged a girl:

"you seem like a pain in the ass but you said you owned a camera and I need some new pictures."

She answered me. I don't get this site sometimes.

She probably figures you're just teasing her rather than being a douche. Because you can't hear tone through text, it comes down to how the girls interpret it.

 

[.GqueB.]

She probably figures you're just teasing her rather than being a douche. Because you can't hear tone through text, it comes down to how the girls interpret it.

Not at all. We went back and forth arguing for a bit then eventually started having a normal conversation. It was quite the ride.

And she did come off as a giant pain in the ass in her profile.

I'm usally being super thin and hip; busy making deals or making it rain/trying to get laid in some up and coming neighbourhood: les, soho, williamsburg(heard of them?)

ugggghghhhgghghghghghgh

 

[velvet_nitemare]

I made a profile on plenty of fish, but deleted it soon after my buddy showed me a profile of a girl we both know and we laughed our heads off. Then i thought of how embarrassed i'd be if a girl i knew saw mine and shared it around. Never got any replies on there anyway, so meh.

 

[Igladius]

I can vouch that OKcupid can absolutely be used as a hookup site, as well as a dating site. There are tons of people on there, and if your profile is active enough, they will label it as "you are attractive," and will start sending you quiver matches of more attractive people.

I currently am seeing a girl from Mobile, AL (I live in the FL panhandle), as well as a girl I re-connected w/ on OKcupid, but who happened to graduate w/ me from High School.

. . . went from looking for a real connection to looking for strange in about a month.

two ...uh... thumbs way up for this site!

 

[Xeke]

I can vouch that OKcupid can absolutely be used as a hookup site, as well as a dating site. There are tons of people on there, and if your profile is active enough, they will label it as "you are attractive," and will start sending you quiver matches of more attractive people.

I currently am seeing a girl from Mobile, AL (I live in the FL panhandle), as well as a girl I re-connected w/ on OKcupid, but who happened to graduate w/ me from High School.

. . . went from looking for a real connection to looking for strange in about a month.

two ...uh... thumbs way up for this site!

I've got a date with a girl on okcupid, we've been chatting for hours.

 

[Cookie18]

This thread is highly amusing just for the back and forths between you guys. I may even give it a try but I'm subscribing to the thread for entertainment value alone

 

[lush]

Jesus Christ, this POF website is a dumpster fire.

 

[velvet_nitemare]

Reading dating profiles can be hilarious btw. For instance while i have no problems with girls having standards, some of them are just ridiculos.

Girls wanting guys that make 6-figs, can take care of them since they're high maintenance, first date at a 5 star restaurant, big muscles and on and on and on. Meanwhile you're not a college grad, don't work and still live with your parents? Your ass better be really good looking lol

 

[-PXG-]

So I messaged this girl and she messaged me back pretty quickly. What I didn't notice is that she's 27. I turn 23 this month.

Pursue?

What's the problem?

 

[velvet_nitemare]

What's the problem?

Maybe he's never been with an older girl? Anyways that's not much of a gap, nothing to worry about.

 

[Ermac]

Maybe he's never been with an older girl? Anyways that's not much of a gap, nothing to worry about.

We sent a couple messages back and forth, sent her my facebook but no response yet.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Reading dating profiles can be hilarious btw. For instance while i have no problems with girls having standards, some of them are just ridiculos.

Girls wanting guys that make 6-figs, can take care of them since they're high maintenance, first date at a 5 star restaurant, big muscles and on and on and on. Meanwhile you're not a college grad, don't work and still live with your parents? Your ass better be really good looking lol

First date anal.

 

[OJdaKiller]

Reading dating profiles can be hilarious btw. For instance while i have no problems with girls having standards, some of them are just ridiculos.

Girls wanting guys that make 6-figs, can take care of them since they're high maintenance, first date at a 5 star restaurant, big muscles and on and on and on. Meanwhile you're not a college grad, don't work and still live with your parents? Your ass better be really good looking lol

Seriously..POF is a little bit worse than OKC with this but it is always good for a laugh. Single mom of multiple kids, high school education, and currently unemployed saying she doesn't want this or that...lol..She should be grateful anyone would even consider dating her with so little to offer...The whole concept of getting back what you bring to the table is totally lost on these people.

 

[.GqueB.]

We sent a couple messages back and forth, sent her my facebook but no response yet.

Don't do that so soon. Not saying you blew it and she'll never speak to you again but don't bring up social networking so early in the process. Yes you're inviting her into your life but you're also asking that she do the same for you which she may not be ok with. You haven't even met yet. You're still a stranger.

And outside of that, she may simply be weary of you mentioning where you met which she may or may not be hiding from her family and friends. Point is, there are about a dozen reasons not to trade facebook profiles and not many reasons TO do so. Meet first at the very least.

 

[airmangataosenai]

I was bored/curious one day as to what sort of responses girls on this site. I got like, almost 30 in the first day.

 

[lush]

My eyes....

 

[Enigma5]

It makes me wonder why people have to resort to online dating. If you live in a major city (or even a somewhat small city) dating should not be hard.

I live in quite a large city and I go out a lot, but it seems every girl that I have dated knows someone I know and most of the time you want to meet someone who is not friends with someone you know or has hooked up with someone you know. Where I live that is VERY hard to find.

Also if you go out to the same type of places say bars / clubs you tend to meet the same type of people. Maybe you want a change or someone who does not go out that often, where else are you going to meet them?

Online dating is also very convenient for people who have busy schedules and would rather "pick" someone to go on a date with than go out and try to meet people.

I sound like a huge supporter of online dating, but I have yet to try it. Maybe in the future who knows.

 

[BeautifulMemory]

lol @ the profile

You know what I am good at? I get almost no responses from anyone, but I have managed somehow to get two unsolicited messages from two Christian girls on the East Coast (I am in California). Wtf

 

[velvet_nitemare]

Seriously..POF is a little bit worse than OKC with this but it is always good for a laugh. Single mom of multiple kids, high school education, and currently unemployed saying she doesn't want this or that...lol..She should be grateful anyone would even consider dating her with so little to offer...The whole concept of getting back what you bring to the table is totally lost on these people.

Word. Again, nothing wrong with standards or expecting to be treated like a lady, but you have to be realistic.

 

[Plywood]

So as of late, I've managed to get replies from any girl I've messaged. Yet, the dialogue goes on for a bit(2-3 messages) and then communication just ends. Any thoughts?

 

[OJdaKiller]

So as of late, I've managed to get replies from any girl I've messaged. Yet, the dialogue goes on for a bit(2-3 messages) and then communication just ends. Any thoughts?

It could mean a few things, but what exactly you won't know...Could be:

-They weren't serious about meeting anyone
-You bored them
-They didn't think you were interested so they saved face by not responding

Considering that this is becoming a pattern, I'd probably say the problem is on your end. They are responding to you, so whatever makes up initial attraction-You got it...But now you have to use it.

Keep your messages (1-3) short, but end them with questions. Messages should progressively be longer each time to show your interest in learning about her and sharing about yourself. If a girl is legit, she will disclose about herself and also send you questions in return. If her emails are just responses to questions you ask, don't even bother sending anything back as she's not interested. Or at very least, she's just simply impolite.

After about 3 emails, suggest meeting for coffee/lunch. If she doesn't bite on the idea, then no loss..More than roughly 3 emails without mentioning meeting is a problem.

 

[kid ness]

So as of late, I've managed to get replies from any girl I've messaged. Yet, the dialogue goes on for a bit(2-3 messages) and then communication just ends. Any thoughts?

Keep her interested. Say something goofy about her profile, you have to keep her laughing.

example: a girl had in her profile that she's probably going to be one of those dog ladies when she gets older. I sent her a message telling her not to get one of those walkers with the tennis balls on the bottom. that started a conversation, we're getting coffee later this week.

It could be totally stupid shit, you don't know this girl in real life and nothing bad can happen. As Soultron preaches, try not to be outcome dependent. Also, I usually ask a girl out after 3 messages.

Keep your messages (1-3) short, but end them with questions. Show an interest in learning about them. If a girl is legit, she will also send you questions in return. If her emails are just responses to questions, don't even bother sending anything back as she's not interested.

This. Show her that you're interested, if she's into you she'll ask you questions too.

 

[iAmMaximus]

Damn those messages....

 

[Bleepey]

Seriously..POF is a little bit worse than OKC with this but it is always good for a laugh. Single mom of multiple kids, high school education, and currently unemployed saying she doesn't want this or that...lol..She should be grateful anyone would even consider dating her with so little to offer...The whole concept of getting back what you bring to the table is totally lost on these people.

Considering how many messages a girl can get i don't blame them for being so picky. A girl can get more messages a day with no pics and nothing on her profile than you can being handsome, well built, rich and a well-written profile.

 

[.GqueB.]

I had this long discussion with a girl online about my profile. Mine is very "different". It's mostly satire and won't attract many women but I got tired of having a normal profile (I'll post it when I get a chance). She gave me shit for it because I was kind of making fun of the whole "online dating" thing. But then I asked her what actually makes her profile stand out? There was nothing. Every woman on that site likes to travel, works for a non-profit and like avocados and 30 rock (in the NYC area anyway). They say nothing interesting and then get mad when men send cut and paste responses. You have a generic profile, you get a generic response. She somehow didn't get this.

Then theres the fact that this is very much a numbers game. The more you send out, the better your chances. But the fact is, even if you take the time to customize each message, it doesn’t really affect your chances THAT much. I've had the same response rate with my copy and paste method that I've had with my customized method. She also didn't quite understand this either.

I don't know. Online dating is weird and sadly addictive. I'm probably going to disable my account soon because I've recognized how much I get caught up in it especially with this site. I have 5 (or 4… one is traveling of course) girls I'm consistently going out with yet I'm still on that site looking for more.

 

[Bleepey]

I had this long discussion with a girl online about my profile. Mine is very "different". It's mostly satire and won't attract many women but I got tired of having a normal profile (I'll post it when I get a chance). She gave me shit for it because I was kind of making fun of the whole "online dating" thing. But then I asked her what actually makes her profile stand out? There was nothing. Every woman on that site likes to travel, works for a non-profit and like avocados and 30 rock (in the NYC area anyway). They say nothing interesting and then get mad when men send cut and paste responses. You have a generic profile, you get a generic response. She somehow didn't get this.

Then theres the fact that this is very much a numbers game. The more you send out, the better your chances. But the fact is, even if you take the time to customize each message, it doesn’t really affect your chances THAT much. I've had the same response rate with my copy and paste method that I've had with my customized method. She also didn't quite understand this either.

I don't know. Online dating is weird and sadly addictive. I'm probably going to disable my account soon because I've recognized how much I get caught up in it especially with this site. I have 5 (or 4… one is traveling of course) girls I'm consistently going out with yet I'm still on that site looking for more.

Thank you! Women bitch about cut and paste responses yet there is nothing special about their profile. Hell they realise they don't have to message people to get responses. The only time i have heard woman empathise with how hard it is for men on dating sites is when they make a profile for a friend and they realise that after a week the guy has gotten no responses yet in an hour they have literally gotten a 100. Which do you lot prefer? Okcupid or POF? I have only actually spoken to on the phone one person on okcupid whilst depending on how much work i put in i could do a couple a week on pof. This shit is addictive and i deleted my pof account cos of it. i have exams coming up!

 

[Vidocq]

Personally, I'm not a big fan of PoF. Its way too cluttered and disorganized for me. There is just something that is much nicer about OKC. I think there is also more information in general to find on OKC, so it is easier to keep a conversation going.

 

[Darklord]

I was bored/curious one day as to what sort of responses girls on this site. I got like, almost 30 in the first day.

I tried that too for a laugh. However, I barely added anything to the profile and had no pic. Forgot about it then came back just now and saw these replies.

Face mask? WTF?

 

[.GqueB.]

I tried that too for a laugh. However, I barely added anything to the profile and had no pic. Forgot about it then came back just now and saw these replies.

Face mask? WTF?

Bwahahahahahaha. What the fuck?!

 

[Ermac]

So what's the normal timeline like? After three messages each, is it cool to ask to get coffee?

 

[.GqueB.]

So what's the normal timeline like? After three messages each, is it cool to ask to get coffee?

Yup. Dont become pen pals where you talk about everything online and then you're left with barely anything else to say in person.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

Uhm, not interested in getting dates, but seeing some stuff here I have half a mind to make a profile just to see the messages.

 

[Darklord]

Yup. Dont become pen pals where you talk about everything online and then you're left with barely anything else to say in person.

I don't think it really matters. I know several people who are in relationships after talking online for up to 6 months(one even got married). 3 messages seems fine but don't rush it. I've been talking to some girl online for a couple weeks now, not because I'm shy but because that's just how its been. We'll probably meet up sooner or later.

 

[.GqueB.]

I don't think it really matters. I know several people who are in relationships after talking online for up to 6 months(one even got married). 3 messages seems fine but don't rush it. I've been talking to some girl online for a couple weeks now, not because I'm shy but because that's just how its been. We'll probably meet up sooner or later.

Seems excessive but I guess it's a case by case basis. Cant imagine talking someone up for 6 months before meeting them especially in a environment where the pickens aren't slim at all and there are always other options.

But yea definitely feel it out and see. I've only gone out on a date after 3 messages maybe once or twice but thats only because we're often in the middle of some sort of conversation where mentioning a meet up would seem forced and random so it often takes longer. Gotta slip it in when it feels right.

But he was just asking if 3 messages is fine and in many cases it is.

 

[JORMBO]

So what's the normal timeline like? After three messages each, is it cool to ask to get coffee?

I always did 2-3. Better to meet in person as soon as you can rather then waste tons of time talking online.

 

[Darklord]

What's the best way to say "thanks but no thanks" on these sites? I was contacted by a girl before and she isn't that...well...no, just no. I'd feel like a hypocrite to not reply.

 

[Ermac]

I always did 2-3. Better to meet in person as soon as you can rather then waste tons of time talking online.

Gotcha. Yeah I was talking with a female friend of mine who was telling me just ask them in the initial message to meetup for drinks / whatever.. which I find kind of creepy.

 

[JORMBO]

What's the best way to say "thanks but no thanks" on these sites? I was contacted by a girl before and she isn't that...well...no, just no. I'd feel like a hypocrite to not reply.

No response is a response.

Better to not say anything then deal with some crazy bitch who can't handle no.

 

[.GqueB.]

What's the best way to say "thanks but no thanks" on these sites? I was contacted by a girl before and she isn't that...well...no, just no. I'd feel like a hypocrite to not reply.

Just say you don't feel you're compatible.

Gotcha. Yeah I was talking with a female friend of mine who was telling me just ask them in the initial message to meetup for drinks / whatever.. which I find kind of creepy.

A woman said that? I find that rather presumptuous and forward... I've actually never tried that.

And don't under estimate the value of a lunch date. I had one last week and it was better than most dates I've had. You're more fresh and ready to talk around that time. And it's cheaper.

 

[R2D4]

What's the best way to say "thanks but no thanks" on these sites? I was contacted by a girl before and she isn't that...well...no, just no. I'd feel like a hypocrite to not reply.

I think telling her you aren't interested is meaner than not replying.

 

[Darklord]

I think telling her you aren't interested is meaner than not replying.

I dunno, I hate when I don't get a reply. Normally any girl I've spoken to has been alright at the least, hot at best. This one is short, very fat and into anime. :[

Just say you don't feel you're compatible.

Yeah. She's after a long term thing, I'm not.

 

[.GqueB.]

I dunno, I hate when I don't get a reply. Normally any girl I've spoken to has been alright at the least, hot at best. This one is short, very fat and into anime. :[

I really hate when I actually try and I don't get a reply. I often phone it in but every once in a while I'll come across a girl that I feel requires some extra care. Then she visits my profile and doesn't say a word in response.

Feels bad man. Then I go back to copy pasting.

 

[Darklord]

I really hate when I actually try and I don't get a reply. I often phone it in but every once in a while I'll come across a girl that I feel requires some extra care. Then she visits my profile and doesn't say a word in response.

Feels bad man. Then I go back to copy pasting.

I actually did that yesterday. She was easily a 10/10...like, god damn, mother of mercy. Sent probably my best message, she came online, no reply. Though she didn't view my profile either so MAYBE she hasn't read it yet? I think it deserves at LEAST a profile view! It was gold I tell you!

Anyway, this is what I sent to that girl "Hey XXXX, I'm good. I thought I might let you know I'm not looking for anything long term at the moment like you are so I'm not sure if we'd be very compatible. Thanks for the message though. "

 

[Ermac]

Just say you don't feel you're compatible.



A woman said that? I find that rather presumptuous and forward... I've actually never tried that.

And don't under estimate the value of a lunch date. I had one last week and it was better than most dates I've had. You're more fresh and ready to talk around that time. And it's cheaper.

Yeah seems too forward to me too. Then again she told me she's met like 20+ dudes through it so she seems pretty open.