Seems like a typo to me, but that's beside the point, that girl is bloody insane. Get on that crazy sex train.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Seems like a typo to me, but that's beside the point, that girl is bloody insane. Get on that crazy sex train.
Trickster
Member
I've seen this topic numerous times, but never bothered to read or post in here because I wasn't really using okcupid. But decided to start using it around 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately I live in a relatively small city, that doesn't have a lot of people on okcupid.
But yesterday this beautiful red head who lives close to me, messaged me, asking me if I'd watched star trek ( I don't really hide that I'm a nerdy person in my profile ). And I answer her back that yes I have indeed watched quite a lot of star trek.
And we've been continuing to talk during most of today.
Now for the question part of my post. I'm not really someone who dates a lot, and never from meeting online. So the question is how long would you say to talk online before meeting irl should be brought up?
But yesterday this beautiful red head who lives close to me, messaged me, asking me if I'd watched star trek ( I don't really hide that I'm a nerdy person in my profile ). And I answer her back that yes I have indeed watched quite a lot of star trek.
And we've been continuing to talk during most of today.
Now for the question part of my post. I'm not really someone who dates a lot, and never from meeting online. So the question is how long would you say to talk online before meeting irl should be brought up?
As someone who is awful with women and just recently started using OKC (maybe a date on Saturday woohoo), I feel like I'm perfectly suited to answer this:
Just keep talking about whatever you have in common (Trek) and then BAM, be like, "sup boo, come chill at the dope spot and we'll have a few drinks and watch Luke fight his father for the galaxy" or some shit.
Fisticuffs
Member
you're gonna make star wars references to a trekkie?!
all the same stuff
Trickster
Member
I would do it for at least two or three more days. You need to build some rapport first, otherwise she might flake on you if you ask her way too early. Just keep things going smooth, don't seem needy, and when you think she has enough interest on you, tell her to meet in some open, public place.
megamerican
Member
In my experience it's generally the person who first messaged that prompts the date, so you may be off the hook. After some back and forth, exchange phone numbers and from there it often just happens naturally.
Usually ask them out, or get asked out on day 3 or so and then the meetup is like a week after it started.
The whole process goes a lot smoother when they are the ones who initiate.
Nah. 3-5 messages is the sweet spot for asking a girl out. If she replies several times and is obviously interested, why not just see if you have the same chemistry in real life? Waiting to ask her out just builds up the anticipation too much. What happens if you spend several days talking with a girl only to find out you don't mesh well in person? You've just wasted both of your guys' time that could have been better spent on talking to a person that you actually get along with. I always fell into the trap of waiting to ask a girl out when I first joined because I didn't want to come off as desperate or needy. That usually just led to girls ending the conversation due what I now know was boredom, or I'd build up a rapport with a girl over a week only to have a mediocre first date because I wasn't attracted to them. So yeah, if you have a modicum of social skills, it's pretty easy to tell when the time is right to just ask her out, which is usually very early on. If a girl thinks you're too forward asking her out on a fucking dating site, she's not worth your time anyway.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Well, just got back from my date. Went pretty well, even if I was a little burnt out from finals.
Nothing too fancy, just coffee and dinner, but pretty happy with how it went. Little odd being on a date with some just shy of a decade older than me, something she admitted too, but she really didn't look all that much older and we still had a great time. Will probably do another date when I get back from the holidays.
Nothing too fancy, just coffee and dinner, but pretty happy with how it went. Little odd being on a date with some just shy of a decade older than me, something she admitted too, but she really didn't look all that much older and we still had a great time. Will probably do another date when I get back from the holidays.
Nope. Even if she says yes, chances of her flaking on ya ass are way higher than if you have talked for longer.
So last night I found this girl. She cute, into gaming, a bit nerdy but not too much, smart. We were a high match too(90%+). I sent a message and she replied, after a few she actually asked ME if I wanted to take it off okc. Tha never happens. After a while of texting I ended up adding her onto facebook too. Lawd! She's pretty damn hot. Some of the photos...fuck.
She seemed to be very into my humour too and we chatted till she went to bed. I told her I'd message her tomorrow and she said "I look forward to it.
". I did a bit of flirting too, not a ton, but unless she is obviously she knows I'm into her and not looking for a friend.
When do you think I should ask her out? A few times I've asked too early before and was given the silent treatment cause of it. I hate that. I feel like I fucked up and ruined my chance. I dropped a few hints on meeting but didn't directly ask, I'm thinking of asking tomorrow if she is still into me(who knows with online dating?). Do you think I should leave it a bit or just ask? Maybe not for this weekend but the next between xmas and new years? That way there's still a lead up too it if she's unsure.
She seemed to be very into my humour too and we chatted till she went to bed. I told her I'd message her tomorrow and she said "I look forward to it.
". I did a bit of flirting too, not a ton, but unless she is obviously she knows I'm into her and not looking for a friend.When do you think I should ask her out? A few times I've asked too early before and was given the silent treatment cause of it. I hate that. I feel like I fucked up and ruined my chance. I dropped a few hints on meeting but didn't directly ask, I'm thinking of asking tomorrow if she is still into me(who knows with online dating?). Do you think I should leave it a bit or just ask? Maybe not for this weekend but the next between xmas and new years? That way there's still a lead up too it if she's unsure.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Slightly off topic, but how does Tinder work? I signed up and all I see for hours is finding people. I can't view profiles or anything.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It should be showing you profiles. It's probably broken. I've had periods where it wouldn't find anyone or it would show me dudes in their 50s or something instead.
i'm having the same problem.
-MikePriester-
Member
Sounds a bit like my experience this time last year, we met on Match.
We chatted for a few days from 23rd Dec and met on the 27th of Dec. It's our 1 year anniversary coming up and she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Not left each other for more than 3 nights since then I don't think.
Keep it light and funny (not too cringeworthy though) you have loads to talk about with it being xmas so that's not a problem.
You have to try and be keen but don't be too pushy (hard to distinguish between the two but you can find the balance) , but tell her you've got a couple of days free if she fancies meeting up for a drink, if she knocks you back take it on the chin and try again for the week after but don't seem bothered
Cow Mengde
Banned
Oh ok, I thought it was because I had a fake profile. Cause my account on it is nothing more than a joke account right now.
kame-sennin
Member
I rarely reply within 24 hours.
Also, I agree with others who said your intros are too long. Here's two messages I sent that led to numbers and dates set up:
to a woman who likes Greek food said:me:
...ok, if you can climb a tree.. while cooking Greek food... WHILE fixing a bird house... I will be truly impressed. Can it be done?
Her:
If we replace the word "cooking" with "eating" then it's definitely possible! And remove the fixing of the bird house from that statement and I will say it's even been done before
So you're in law school eh? What type of law do you hope to practice/go into?
I love to garden and used to do some community gardening as well. Do you have a garden you're connected to?
to a woman who plays bass said:
I messaged both of these women because they had strong left wing views (as you can see a bit in the first response), but I didn't mention politics at all. Why? I wanted to show them that I was fun. If that got their interest, they could check out my profile and see that we're compatible. You need something to talk about on the first date, so why spill everything in the first message? I don't send form messages (they're cheesy and women hate them), but my general pattern is to pick one light topic mentioned in her profile - so that she knows I read it - make a joke about it, and ask an innocuous question in the hopes of getting a conversation started. If I go over four sentences, it's probably too long.
Also. I skimmed a bunch of your posts. Real talk; you sound entitled, bitter, and less interesting than you probably are in real life. Women don't owe you anything. If you want their company, show them that they would enjoy yours. Don't take online dating too seriously. It's basically a computer game. Until you meet in person, you have no idea whether or not you're talking to a bot. None of this matters until you meet face to face. Until that point, have fun with it. Send dumb messages. Message women who will obviously not message you back. Find someone who's a zero percent match and ask her if she's your arch nemesis.
And dude, trim down your profile. It's not a resume. Write something short, witty, cute or sexy, and with just a sprinkling of the few things that are really important to you so like minded women can pick up on them. Make it look like you didn't waste much time making your profile.
You know the "manic pixie dream girl" trope? She comes into a guy's life, she's funny, impulsive, attractive, unpredictable, and ultimately changes his life for the better. In spite of how dumb it is, it's a popular a cliche because most people have that fantasy - including women. When you write your profile, be a manic pixie dream guy.
kame-sennin
Member
From the pic, you look really handsome. If you're also tall, you can tear it up on okc. Just keep it light and funny.
If you don't have facebook friends, it won't show you anyone.
Cow Mengde
Banned
So whether my account is a joke or not, it's won't work for me then. My facebook account contains nothing but paleontologists, and I don't own a real personal facebook account because social networking is retarded. I just signed up to see what's the big deal.
peteykirch
Member
So I tried "shorter" message to no avail.
I just don't get it.
All 3 were to women less than 5 miles away from me, 95%+ match, not model attractive, but cute nonetheless. I referenced things in their profiles, and didn't over encumber them with a wall of text. Guess it all boils down to not being the best looking guy and being short as huge dealbreakers.
I just don't get it.
All 3 were to women less than 5 miles away from me, 95%+ match, not model attractive, but cute nonetheless. I referenced things in their profiles, and didn't over encumber them with a wall of text. Guess it all boils down to not being the best looking guy and being short as huge dealbreakers.
jamesinclair
Banned
stn
Member
You're looking for a formula for success when there isn't one, dude. I have told you before to completely ditch online dating since it seemed to have a negative effect on you. I really think you should take your intelligence and diversity into settings where people will appreciate it more. Go volunteer, go join a club - things like that.
At some point you need to acknowledge what your strengths and weaknesses are. Do you feel that you are at a disadvantage in online dating because of your looks? Ditch it, 99% of it is about looks. You're forcing yourself to play basketball with one leg tied behind your back. Its almost like you've given up on yourself and persist in order to make yourself feel worse. Feeling happy with yourself is much more important than meeting women, hence why I think you should take time off from OKC and seek other things.
Do you know what I've been sending to women lately as my opener? "My name is George, I'm unemployed and live with my parents" (props if you get the reference). If a girl gets the joke and replies, cool; if not, makes no difference in my day. I put zero though and emotional investment into it. You should do the same.
At some point you need to acknowledge what your strengths and weaknesses are. Do you feel that you are at a disadvantage in online dating because of your looks? Ditch it, 99% of it is about looks. You're forcing yourself to play basketball with one leg tied behind your back. Its almost like you've given up on yourself and persist in order to make yourself feel worse. Feeling happy with yourself is much more important than meeting women, hence why I think you should take time off from OKC and seek other things.
Do you know what I've been sending to women lately as my opener? "My name is George, I'm unemployed and live with my parents" (props if you get the reference). If a girl gets the joke and replies, cool; if not, makes no difference in my day. I put zero though and emotional investment into it. You should do the same.
peteykirch
Member
But that girl was a girl who rated me highly, so I messaged her. It must've been that.
peteykirch
Member
peteykirch
Member
What is this I don't even know
jamesinclair
Banned
You said you're in Princeton? I've probably messaged the same girls
peteykirch
Member
No, I'm in East/New Brunswick
jamesinclair
Banned
Then we've definitely messaged the same girls
peteykirch
Member
I'm having no luck with girls around here.
Oddly enough I tend to get women from Brooklyn and Philly to respond.
jamesinclair
Banned
Yeah all my top matches are in Brooklyn. My only dates were girls 20+ miles away
stn
Member
I think you're better off attempting to hit on women in real-life and getting rejected 200 times, than spending another moment on OKC. At least getting rejected 200 times in real-life will teach you the valuable skill of not caring and how to not be shy.
At some point in your life you want to come out of your shell and not be shy. Especially because much fulfillment comes from being able to communicate with people. You're not getting the thrill of talking to women and having fun, you're just getting rejected by a computer screen. And while that happens you're just degrading your already-weak self-esteem.
What's worse, you're putting too much thought into applying logic to online dating. Girl rates you highly and then does not respond? Been there. Girl messages you and then doesn't reply to your reply? Check. Girl didn't reply but still viewed your profile a few times? Yup. Happens to us all, best thing is not to care.
I think you should persist with OKC as long as it doesn't harm you mentally. But I don't think that's possible.
At some point in your life you want to come out of your shell and not be shy. Especially because much fulfillment comes from being able to communicate with people. You're not getting the thrill of talking to women and having fun, you're just getting rejected by a computer screen. And while that happens you're just degrading your already-weak self-esteem.
What's worse, you're putting too much thought into applying logic to online dating. Girl rates you highly and then does not respond? Been there. Girl messages you and then doesn't reply to your reply? Check. Girl didn't reply but still viewed your profile a few times? Yup. Happens to us all, best thing is not to care.
I think you should persist with OKC as long as it doesn't harm you mentally. But I don't think that's possible.
peteykirch
Member
I mean I get the pros/cons of each scenario.
At least with OKC I know a bit about them before pursuing and I know they are at least available.
Meeting random people off the street or out and about, all I have to go off is that initial impression.
I'm mentally sound, it's just frustrating as hell.
kame-sennin
Member
I think you just inadvertently figured out a solution to this guy's problem. Peteykirch, when you send a message to a woman, do the exact opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. Rewrite your profile and do the same thing. Just try it for a week, you have literally nothing to loose.
Also, I'm 5'5. I get the feeling it's cost me some matches, but I still do ok. And you're not a bad looking guy either, although the picture you took is not good. You look unhappy. And it's a selfie.
peteykirch
Member
I'm still shorter than you.
I'm not even messaging Amazonian women.
Girls 5 foot even want a 6 foot tall guy to tower over them.
kame-sennin
Member
You are ONE INCH shorter than me. Stahp. Just Stahp.
It's not your looks. It's not your height. It's not your education. Your approach is negative/overbearing and so is your profile. You need to take online dating waaaaaaaaay less seriously. When you start having fun with it, things might turn around for you.
Buckethead
Banned
Completely based on that picture alone, she strikes me as the type of chick who wants to get gorilla fucked by some meathead.
Not a good match anyway but good opening line.
peteykirch
Member
Oddly enough I've had better success with girls with bad %s. I just tell myself it's the "opposites attract" scenario but I don't know.
That opening line was only because she wrote about how much she loved Sriracha and it was the #1 thing on her 6 things she couldn't live without.
peteykirch
Member
Have you read my profile since I've rewritten it with help from people here?
Plus I took the advice on shorter more to the point messages.
So I'm not seeing it.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I'm pretty beautiful and tall, and I've gotten that exact same message before. Don't sweat it.
She probably did it by accident. It happens.
kame-sennin
Member
Yea, I did. Your messages are getting better. But it's still going to take time to hone your social skills. And then there's also just the luck of the draw. My roommate is an online dating veteran. He's had multiple relationships that started from okc (and he's not hot). He told me that at the high point, he was messaging 20 women a day. I assume (hope) that was an exaggeration, but it shows that even men who are good at online dating still have a very bad messages to dates ratio.
I know my posts have been kind of harsh. I just get the sense from you that you don't look at this from the woman's perspective. I think if you thought more about what women see when they read your messages and profile, you'd be more successful. From your picture, there's really no reason why you would have no success online.
On that note, here's a super shallow terrible youtube channel that will show you how to take a good headshot:
http://www.youtube.com/user/peterhurleyphoto
And delete the selfies!
peteykirch
Member
It's hard for me to get good pictures, because I don't know anyone to take pictures for me.
Yes I'm a photographer too >_<
That video is super flawed, everyone he uses those techniques on are already good looking, he's just making someone who is good looking even better looking. Have him pull that with someone like Gabe Newell or Rocky Dennis from the Mask and I'll believe the hype.
Your roommates numbers aren't off. 20 sounds like a lot, but I send maybe 10-15 a day depending on whom I stumble upon.
God Dayumm
Banned
Peteykich, at least someone is replying to you. I've only had one girl reply to me and one message me on her initiative. Same thing on Match. I guess online dating is still a very niche thing, so I'll have to figure out how to meet people in real life.
kame-sennin
Member
Set your camera on a timer and take some photos outside. I did it the other day. Even if you're using a cell phone, there are apps that add that functionality. It's a bit of a hassle, but it saves you from giving off the impression that you have no social life.
Like I said, it's a very shallow youtube channel. However, you just used a man who is dangerously overweight and a character from a movie who was born deformed as a counter argument. You should look into whether you have body dismorphia issues. I don't know which video you watched, but the South Asian man in the "jawline" video is not better looking than you are. Of course the techniques shown won't turn you into a model - you shouldn't want to be, you'll end up making Zoolander faces in all your photos. But those videos are just a good explanation of which poses are flattering and which ones are unflattering. Use it or don't, but your current picture makes it look like you're unhappy. If a woman thinks you're unhappy, what are the odds that you're going to bring happiness into her life?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It can be buggy shortly after you use it, but within a couple of days, that person should disappear from everything.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Club, join.
vicissitudes
Banned
I don't come into this thread often but I read the past few pages including your posts and I want to help you somehow. So I'll tell you something that many people in here won't.
From what I can tell, you're 5'4" and you say you're not attractive. This hurts you. A lot. Especially online. You are going to have a much harder time on OKC than the average guy, no matter what. It's not fair, but life's unfair, and you were dealt a bad hand. Dating's going to be really hard for you, period. Those who tell you "you're fine, you just need a better attitude!" Sorry, but it's not true. A better attitude will help you, a little, but you're still screwed. There's no magic post here that will substantially improve your dating. Advice like "shorten your message length" will again, maybe help a little tiny bit, but don't expect your results to dramatically change. Sorry, but I just want you to have some realistic expectations.
Now, the way I see it, you have a few options:
1. Give up on dating. Nothing wrong with this. Plenty of people have great lives without dating.
2. Continue doing what you're doing, and hope to get lucky eventually. You're going to be frustrated and face a lot of rejection, but once in a long while you'll probably have something go well. It'll mostly be what you've been going through so far though.
3. Work on improving your dating skills as much as possible. You will still be frustrated and still face a ton of rejection, because you were dealt a bad hand, and because that's the nature of dating in general. But, your chances will go up a bit. Maybe your success rate will go from 3% to 6%. It's still bad, but hey it's better than #2. Make no mistake though, this is a long and hard road, and will probably take years. You need to be very dedicated and persist through the bad times.
First, you need to accept your situation. Your posts read like you think you're doing something wrong, and if only you could fix it, your dating life will be so much better, and girls will start making sense. This is not true. You will always get out much less than you put in. You will always struggle. Just accept this. Once you do, decide what you want to do about it.
If you choose #3, if you decide that you can be happy with showing some improvement and getting little bits of success here and there amidst a sea of rejection, I'd be happy to give you some advice. You have to put in the hard work though.
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