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[TxdoHawk]

I don't understand girls in my area. On top of silence I get disabled accounts during good convos.

People on these dating sites have the attention span of a fruit fly, straight women especially (since they get pounded with tons of messages from thirsty-ass men on the daily). On top of that, a lot of people will only "focus" on one person at a time. Combine these two factors and you wind up with a lot of dropped conversations. Don't take it personally.

Jesus guys. Wtf, I'm not getting anything remotely like what you both experienced when I was on OKC. That's why I shelled out the bucks for Match, thinking it's going to get better...

I must be dull/boring I guess. I struggle with the talking about myself part.

I am the most boring person on Earth, no lie, but it doesn't matter. If you want to get people talking, talk about them, it's everyone's favorite subject. Pick out things in their profiles, especially the not obvious stuff, even if they're shallow they'll appreciate the fact that you aren't just going off their picture.

Also, cheat. The deck is stacked against straight men on dating sites, so here's what I did when I was still on OKCupid:

1. Rate every woman you find interesting 4 or 5 stars. This automatically sends them an email that you've done this, and is an easy low-effort one-click way to show interest.

2. Message any women that message you as a result of this (this almost never happens.)

3. Go look at who viewed your profile and message any women you rated who clicked through to look at you.

4. Don't bother messaging any woman who didn't do 2 or 3. This eliminates tons of wasted effort, because if a woman doesn't look at your profile after you rate her, she's either not actively using the site or completely uninterested.

 

[Nelo Ice]

People on these dating sites have the attention span of a fruit fly, straight women especially (since they get pounded with tons of messages from thirsty-ass men on the daily). On top of that, a lot of people will only "focus" on one person at a time. Combine these two factors and you wind up with a lot of dropped conversations. Don't take it personally.
.

Yeah I don't take it personally. I must have the worst luck. And of course right after I posted that got alot of decent convos lol.

 

[Joey Fox]

Dudes, I got a date with a model through POF. She messaged me first, which was cool.

The weird thing is that she looks completely normal without makeup. I'm not sure how excited to be about this. You're not really dating a 9 if she only looks like one with makeup and photoshop, right?

 

[DoktorEvil]

People on these dating sites have the attention span of a fruit fly, straight women especially (since they get pounded with tons of messages from thirsty-ass men on the daily). On top of that, a lot of people will only "focus" on one person at a time. Combine these two factors and you wind up with a lot of dropped conversations. Don't take it personally.



I am the most boring person on Earth, no lie, but it doesn't matter. If you want to get people talking, talk about them, it's everyone's favorite subject. Pick out things in their profiles, especially the not obvious stuff, even if they're shallow they'll appreciate the fact that you aren't just going off their picture.

Also, cheat. The deck is stacked against straight men on dating sites, so here's what I did when I was still on OKCupid:

1. Rate every woman you find interesting 4 or 5 stars. This automatically sends them an email that you've done this, and is an easy low-effort one-click way to show interest.

2. Message any women that message you as a result of this (this almost never happens.)

3. Go look at who viewed your profile and message any women you rated who clicked through to look at you.

4. Don't bother messaging any woman who didn't do 2 or 3. This eliminates tons of wasted effort, because if a woman doesn't look at your profile after you rate her, she's either not actively using the site or completely uninterested.

I'm going to give this another try, with a better photo and a more robust profile.

All or nothing!!

 

[MogCakes]

Dudes, I got a date with a model through POF. She messaged me first, which was cool.

The weird thing is that she looks completely normal without makeup. I'm not sure how excited to be about this. You're not really dating a 9 if she only looks like one with makeup and photoshop, right?

Models tend to look like normal people without makeup it's not rocket science.

 

[ericexpo]

I try to stick with girls that are online when I am, I found if they don't send a message back after a couple minutes and after they check your profile then you may as well give up.

 

[Visceir]

Had something strange happen to me. Messaged this girl a month ago and thought I didn't get a reply back. Yesterday, a month later, I got an email notification that I had a new message and it was from the same girl. Except that when I checked at the bottom of her message to see when it was sent then it still said april 12.

 

[y2dvd]

Having use Tinder for about a week, I prefer OKC so far. At least with OKC, you can msg someone without a match first and hope to catch their attention. Tinder is basically all about looks as no one is reading that profile. It doesn't take much effort to use Tinder though, so I'll still use both apps lol.

I had a nice chat with someone last night just commenting on something in her profile. She said I was the first person to not message her for random sex so that was refreshing lol.

 

[Nelo Ice]

Well after a month of being on the site, I finally got somewhere. Just got a number and talked with a girl. I asked if she wanted to meetup and she wouldn't be free until 3 weeks or so. I agreed but I have progress for once!.

 

[Slizeezyc]

Interesting to read all this stuff because it's all so over the place.

For me, if someone responds to the first message then usually the washout rate is super low thereafter. The first message respond rate is hit or miss, but if I get one reply then usually the conversation leads to a clear end rather than just a disabled account or ignoring a future message.

 

[vonStirlitz]

I have to say that I have been on OKC for six weeks or so and had more success, in terms of good conversations, excellent dates, and more, than in my teens. Surprising, as I am an older guy and thought I may be past the sell by date.

Part of the reason is, I suspect, I am living out in Asia. For some reason, if you are a Western guy in your mid to late thirties, you hit the sweet spot of desirability for a certain category of woman. Contrary to prejudice and expectation, these are not gold-diggers as some might be predisposed to think, but actually highly qualified intelligent lasses. Furthermore, it is more acceptable to talk games and manga with the local girls as they are more likely to have the same hobbies than out West.

Conclusion? If you are a clever, geeky and older Western guy, get yourself out East my friends.

 

[Nelo Ice]

In my area girls post in their profile saying don't be creepy or go straight to sex. Then when I get a good normal convo or a opening response from a not weird opening, I still get shot down lol. Also seems like girls are just plain terrified of goin offline so anytime I try that it goes south. Only time I've had success is when the girl is the one that wants to go to phone/offline. It seems many of them get a hilarious amount of creeper messages. Yeah must just be my area or something otherwise my success rate is abysmal.

 

[MogCakes]

In my area girls post in their profile saying don't be creepy or go straight to sex. Then when I get a good normal convo or a opening response from a not weird opening, I still get shot down lol. Also seems like girls are just plain terrified of goin offline so anytime I try that it goes south. Only time I've had success is when the girl is the one that wants to go to phone/offline. It seems many of them get a hilarious amount of creeper messages. Yeah must just be my area or something otherwise my success rate is abysmal.

It's like that everywhere. OkC is free, so a lot of its users are either a)casual and just fooling around, b)looking for an ego boost, or c)fake accounts. Few are actually willing to meet up. That's OkC for you.

 

[Nelo Ice]

It's like that everywhere. OkC is free, so a lot of its users are either a)casual and just fooling around, b)looking for an ego boost, or c)fake accounts. Few are actually willing to meet up. That's OkC for you.

Well glad it's not just me. Found it kinda odd I was getting nowhere since other guys here have had at least moderate success.

 

[stn]

If you see a good looking girl on there for a long time, she's probably not serious about meeting anyone. Or she's waiting for David Beckham to message her. Some people just get used to the "thrill" of being messaged by randoms all the time, it gives them some excitement. You may have more success using the paid dating services, people there are much more committed since they've already invested money.

 

[Dorimukyasuto]

This girl has been massaging me. She says she is an hour away from the city I live in. My only concern is that she has all over her profile that she loves The Big Bang Theory TV show.

oh and all her pics are at really weird angles. I don't meet many girls though, and she initiated the first message. she seems alright otherwise.

idk, guys. should I go for it? i don't have a car though, so it isn't like I can drive an hour away for a date to some little town outside the city.

awwrgh, first girl to message me on okc and she's far away.

 

[kai3345]

So the girl I met on OKC I've been dating for about a month. I want to start introducing her to my friends and stuff. And since I'm sure it will come up, how do you guys go about saying how you two met? I feel like being open about the whole online thing would be okay if you're like 30, but as a college student I feel like there's a big stigma attached to online dating. What do you guys think? Should I just tell everyone we met at a party?

 

[Red_taiyaki]

So the fabled "disabled profile midway through conversation" thing just happened to me with a girl who I was having a good conversation thread with.

Using my infinite wisdom, it was ridiculously easy to find her on Facebook (using first name and city). So now the dilemma is do I try and pursue on there or not? I'm leaning towards not, but just want to see what others think.

 

[stn]

So the fabled "disabled profile midway through conversation" thing just happened to me with a girl who I was having a good conversation thread with.

Using my infinite wisdom, it was ridiculously easy to find her on Facebook (using first name and city). So now the dilemma is do I try and pursue on there or not? I'm leaning towards not, but just want to see what others think.

No x 1,000,000. If she closed her profile midway it means she was only talking to you for reasons other than genuine interest. Sucks but it happens. You adding her on FB will not only make her avoid you again but she'll also think you're a creeper. Avoid at all costs.

 

[Red_taiyaki]

No x 1,000,000. If she closed her profile midway it means she was only talking to you for reasons other than genuine interest. Sucks but it happens. You adding her on FB will not only make her avoid you again but she'll also think you're a creeper. Avoid at all costs.

Yah figured as much lol.

 

[Maddocks]

never ever message a girl offline on another site if you find her. You will come off very badly, because you never know what happened. Some guy could have been harassing her so much she tossed up the duces just to avoid it and you happened to be a casualty of war. No need to take it personally, just take a deep breath and restart. Always someone new to talk to.

 

[Red_taiyaki]

never ever message a girl offline on another site if you find her. You will come off very badly, because you never know what happened. Some guy could have been harassing her so much she tossed up the duces just to avoid it and you happened to be a casualty of war. No need to take it personally, just take a deep breath and restart. Always someone new to talk to.

Agreed. Probably best to stick to my own policy of not contacting another person whom I met on a dating site on FB/twitter/whatever.

Just been happening so much to me recently that it's gotten a tad bit frustrating haha =.=....

 

[Trickster]

So I contacted a girl who had some similar interests as me. After a few messages back and forth, she's still not visited my profile or asked me any questions backs, she just answers the question I ask her and nothing more.

Pretty much no point in trying to talk to her further right?

 

[y2dvd]

I'm having more success chatting with girls on OKC than on Tinder. The fact that I can ask or say off beat things to anyone really helps. Like some girl said in her profile a beard is a plus. My first response was "what about a peach fuzz? D:" and it went from there. Got her number the same night.

I also notice as an Asian guy, I'm having less success with Asian girls and more with other races. I dunno what that says lol.

 

[MogCakes]

So I contacted a girl who had some similar interests as me. After a few messages back and forth, she's still not visited my profile or asked me any questions backs, she just answers the question I ask her and nothing more.

Pretty much no point in trying to talk to her further right?

Many people (especially women) go stealth mode so you won't know if they've seen your profile or not. Most likely she saw it but wasn't interested, and is trying to taper off the conversation.

I also notice as an Asian guy, I'm having less success with Asian girls and more with other races. I dunno what that says lol.

Asian women are seen as exotic (yellow fever!) and they're not as numerous as other ethnicities in most of North America. My friend made an account and her message box got maxed out by the second day.

 

[Servbot24]

Do you guys bother to message girls that are clearly out of your league? Like you take one glance at their profile and you know they must get swarmed with 100s of messages a day?

 

[y2dvd]

Many people (especially women) go stealth mode so you won't know if they've seen your profile or not. Most likely she saw it but wasn't interested, and is trying to taper off the conversation.



Asian women are seen as exotic (yellow fever!) and they're not as numerous as other ethnicities in most of North America. My friend made an account and her message box got maxed out by the second day.

Haha I've seen some of this before. Didn't think it'll apply online too.

Do you guys bother to message girls that are clearly out of your league? Like you take one glance at their profile and you know they must get swarmed with 100s of messages a day?

I'm chatting with two girls that are probably out of my league. It couldn't hurt to try. I'm working out a time for a date with each of them.

 

[Red_taiyaki]

Never quite understood why a girl would bother replying back with just two words. It's a pointless waste of time on both ends lol.

 

[Servbot24]

Never quite understood why a girl would bother replying back with just two words. It's a pointless waste of time on both ends lol.

Yeah, I hate that. If they send two messages in a row that are just answers to the question in your message without contributing anything, I move on.

 

[y2dvd]

So I could never find anything substantial beyond the first date. Usually, I'm not feeling the girls. Last night, I finally went out with one that I liked, but she texted me today that she wasn't feeling the connection. I can't win! I feel like quitting but I keep trying like a chump lol.

So this just happened. I was browsing a profile, but I left without giving a star rating or leaving a message. She probably saw that I visited and sends me a message saying "I see you creeping. how're you?" I said "Damn, I got called out!" A few messages later and she's asking me to go for a coffee or a walk. At this point, I really don't have any expectations lol.

 

[Windam]

At least some of you guys get replies! Damn, I'm awful at this first message thing, and as a relatively unattractive guy, even if the message was good, it'd lead nowhere.

 

[Lucian Cat]

At least some of you guys get replies! Damn, I'm awful at this first message thing, and as a relatively unattractive guy, even if the message was good, it'd lead nowhere.

You're not unattractive dammit. You just need more self confidence.

 

[Smiley90]

At least some of you guys get replies! Damn, I'm awful at this first message thing, and as a relatively unattractive guy, even if the message was good, it'd lead nowhere.

You're not unattractive dammit. You just need more self confidence.

.

self-confidence is extremely attractive. fake it 'til you make it, because... if a girl sees you're not confident in yourself and you don't see yourself desirable, why would she.

 

[y2dvd]

At least some of you guys get replies! Damn, I'm awful at this first message thing, and as a relatively unattractive guy, even if the message was good, it'd lead nowhere.

What do you often say in the first message? Not like I'm successful or anything but I can get replies every so often and I think I'm average looking.

A little update from my previous post. We are planning to grab coffee tomorrow night. Probably the quickest set up ever lol.

 

[MogCakes]

A little update from my previous post. We are planning to grab coffee tomorrow night. Probably the quickest set up ever lol.

Yeah, it means she's interested in you! Go have a good time. Thumbs up.

 

[Windam]

You're not unattractive dammit. You just need more self confidence.

.

self-confidence is extremely attractive. fake it 'til you make it, because... if a girl sees you're not confident in yourself and you don't see yourself desirable, why would she.

I don't think my profile or messages depict my low self-confidence. I never get replies, so it's not like the girls I message will ever know!

What do you often say in the first message? Not like I'm successful or anything but I can get replies every so often and I think I'm average looking.

I'm terrible at this whole thing so I try to mention maybe something I saw in their profile or something. "Saw you like x... Know of y?" or stuff like that. "Puppies or kittens?/Corgis or huskies?" has become a new favourite first message for me to send, too. Smiley told me other messages were too boring.

 

[Washed_Out]

So last week I decided to message this one chick on OKC that I had already hit up back in January. I didn't hear back at all that first time. She responded the second time and apologized for not getting back to me that first time. We went back and forth and got her number on the 16th message (I'm the dude that got shit for getting another chicks number after 50 messages).

Went out yesterday to the park to walk our dogs, enjoyed the sunset, and talked for like 3 hours. She mentioned she wanted to see X-men, so we went spur of the moment, then talked for another hour in the theater parking lot. It went well, and we've been texting today so I guess I didn't scare her off. We'll see where this goes.

Def not one to give advice out but sending another message after being ignored might be something you guys should do if you don't already.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Any advice on getting a more open, back and forth discussion from response messages? Something that always seems to happen with me messaging is that everything starts out strong but peters out until I get no replies. I try to include a question or statement relevant to their interests and life that they lay out in their profile and switch topics from school to home to hobbies, etc. but steadily their responses become shorter seemingly like I'm not holding their interest and rarely do I get questioned back about my interests and such. Do I need to try more humor? Put more of myself out there (what I enjoy, where I go to school etc.) so that they ask more about me?

 

[Smiley90]

Any advice on getting a more open, back and forth discussion from response messages? Something that always seems to happen with me messaging is that everything starts out strong but peters out until I get no replies. I try to include a question or statement relevant to their interests and life that they lay out in their profile and switch topics from school to home to hobbies, etc. but steadily their responses become shorter seemingly like I'm not holding their interest and rarely do I get questioned back about my interests and such. Do I need to try more humor? Put more of myself out there (what I enjoy, where I go to school etc.) so that they ask more about me?

Ask for their phone number/meet up before that happens. Also if they don't ask anything back a couple times I just give up, no point if they're not interested.

 

[Jhoan]

All right guys, after a grueling semester of hard work and having lurked for so long, I'm getting back on the online dating horse and seeing where it takes me to. I'm back in the dating market for the summer season until next semester begins now that I have more free time on my hands.

I changed my picture a couple of weeks ago after taking down all my pictures for a while and deleted snippets of my profile. Logged in several minutes ago to add new pictures.

EDIT:Nevermind, fake picture/profile. Timedog's profile is still amazing to read. Holy crap! What a boss profile.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Ask for their phone number/meet up before that happens. Also if they don't ask anything back a couple times I just give up, no point if they're not interested.

Thanks! I do give up cold after a long while with no response. Rarely do I give out my number or request to meet early on though. I did follow that advice just now and was able to get a number and a tentative meeting with the girl I was talking to so it works! It's just very hard to gauge who wants things to progress fast and who wants to keep things at screen length for a while.

 

[Washed_Out]

So last week I decided to message this one chick on OKC that I had already hit up back in January. I didn't hear back at all that first time. She responded the second time and apologized for not getting back to me that first time. We went back and forth and got her number on the 16th message (I'm the dude that got shit for getting another chicks number after 50 messages).

Went out yesterday to the park to walk our dogs, enjoyed the sunset, and talked for like 3 hours. She mentioned she wanted to see X-men, so we went spur of the moment, then talked for another hour in the theater parking lot. It went well, and we've been texting today so I guess I didn't scare her off. We'll see where this goes.

UPDATE!: So once I got her number and we started texting she had deleted her OKC page. 2 days after our date she reactivated it. FUUUUU!!!! Guess it didn't go as well as I thought? Thoughts?

 

[Smiley90]

Thanks! I do give up cold after a long while with no response. Rarely do I give out my number or request to meet early on though. I did follow that advice just now and was able to get a number and a tentative meeting with the girl I was talking to so it works! It's just very hard to gauge who wants things to progress fast and who wants to keep things at screen length for a while.

Good job man! Happy for you that it worked right off the bat, that's definitely the way to go. Better meet up while the interest is there instead of letting it fizzle out.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Good job man! Happy for you that it worked right off the bat, that's definitely the way to go. Better meet up while the interest is there instead of letting it fizzle out.

Thanks! Yeah hopefully we do end up meeting very soon. We have actually been texting and, it seems very cheesy to say, she seems pretty into me. Excitement and interest on both sides.

 

[y2dvd]

I went out on a first date today with someone on OKC. We did coffee during the day which I don't like doing too much since it's harder to flirt across the table. We were able to conversate pretty well and went out for a walk afterwards. We were walking side by side not holding hands until a homeless man wanted to ask us a question. I stopped briefly expecting him to ask for change. Instead, he ask if she was my gf. I said no, this is our first date. He said I should be holding her hands then strolled off. I looked at her and was like, "you heard the man!" And grabbed her hand lol.

We sat down after awhile and sat next to each other. I tend to lightly touch her leg to gauge how comfy they are with me. Then I go for the arm behind the shoulder. She didn't seem to mind but at the same time I couldn't tell she was into me.

We decided it was time to head back, so I walked her to her car while holding her hand. That still doesn't tell me anything because my previous date allowed me to hold her hand as I walked her to her car, only to tell me the next day she didn't like me romantically. We hugged and I gave her a peck on the cheek. I thought that was it when all of a sudden she pulled my neck in and gave me a kiss. Success!

We talked about online dating in general and she said what we all have been saying all along, she avoids the perverted messages and the simple ones like "Hi!" Or "How are you?" She will respond if it's interesting or different. She also goes of match percentage. We actually had a bad match percentage, but she knew I didn't answer that many questions so she gave me a pass lol. She wanted me to answer more questions but I told her to save them for our date. I don't know if most girls goes off that match percentage though. I know I don't pay attention to it.

Sorry for the blog just thought I'd share!

 

[DoktorEvil]

I went out on a first date today with someone on OKC. We did coffee during the day which I don't like doing too much since it's harder to flirt across the table. We were able to conversate pretty well and went out for a walk afterwards. We were walking side by side not holding hands until a homeless man wanted to ask us a question. I stopped briefly expecting him to ask for change. Instead, he ask if she was my gf. I said no, this is our first date. He said I should be holding her hands then strolled off. I looked at her and was like, "you heard the man!" And grabbed her hand lol.

We sat down after awhile and sat next to each other. I tend to lightly touch her leg to gauge how comfy they are with me. Then I go for the arm behind the shoulder. She didn't seem to mind but at the same time I couldn't tell she was into me.

We decided it was time to head back, so I walked her to her car while holding her hand. That still doesn't tell me anything because my previous date allowed me to hold her hand as I walked her to her car, only to tell me the next day she didn't like me romantically. We hugged and I gave her a peck on the cheek. I thought that was it when all of a sudden she pulled my neck in and gave me a kiss. Success!

We talked about online dating in general and she said what we all have been saying all along, she avoids the perverted messages and the simple ones like "Hi!" Or "How are you?" She will respond if it's interesting or different. She also goes of match percentage. We actually had a bad match percentage, but she knew I didn't answer that many questions so she gave me a pass lol. She wanted me to answer more questions but I told her to save them for our date. I don't know if most girls goes off that match percentage though. I know I don't pay attention to it.

Sorry for the blog just thought I'd share!

Congrats dude!

Did she give any ideas for a good opener for the guys to use?

 

[UnObtainium17]

Congrats breh.. after reading your post I was like fuck it ain't gonna try too hard and just say hi lol. Let me see how this goes hehe

 

[Smiley90]

Congrats breh.. after reading your post I was like fuck it ain't gonna try too hard and just say hi lol. Let me see how this goes hehe

... isn't that.... the opposite of what his post said to do...

 

[electricshake]

Congrats breh.. after reading your post I was like fuck it ain't gonna try too hard and just say hi lol. Let me see how this goes hehe

Any message that just says hi or how are you will get completely ignored by me. If you want to start a conversation with someone you need more than that, don't expect them to do the work, you're the one initiating the conversation after all. Keep it short and sweet but at least ask something so they have something to work with.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Man, my profile went from getting hits all the time on match to none now =/

Talked to a few women, went on some dates and still getting nowhere.

Im starting to regret the price tag I paid for on Match.