Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
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Once a relationship gets physical what are the chances of fixing it?
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Cyberpunkd
Member
None. Run away. No matter how much you try to rationalise it - you’re wrong.
NotMyProblemAnymoreCunt
Biggest Trails Stan
Zero chance of fixing it. They should break up
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
The children will miss ttheir mother but it's for the best. That's not a good environment for them.
mansoor1980
Gold Member
physical as in they work out together?
assault ? its over then
assault ? its over then
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Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
Physical as in assault
Kilau
Member
Ah, I’ve never experienced that myself but from seeing it happen, there is no going back.
lifa-cobex
Member
The line has already been crossed.
You can promise never to do it again but both parties know it's only a matter of time subconscious or not.
One or both people rationalizing that hurting another person is acceptable. Emotions flaring or not. That's who they are.
You can promise never to do it again but both parties know it's only a matter of time subconscious or not.
One or both people rationalizing that hurting another person is acceptable. Emotions flaring or not. That's who they are.
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away brother
poodaddy
Member
I kinda have a different opinion from everyone here. As someone who had a very toxic sense of masculinity in my youth, I'll out myself as a former piece of shit. I have hit a woman in a relationship when I was very young. I was stupid, I was angry, I was as drunk as you can possibly imagine, and no, that is not who I really am. I have never hit my current wife, I never would, and I haven't been anything like that in over fifteen years. People do change, one mistake of how to process and output rage does not dictate someone's entire life. The people here saying someone can't change are absolutely wrong, and that's no different than cancel culture bullshit. People can better themselves, they can learn, they can grow, they can change. Take it from someone who used to be a violent piece of shit and is no longer. My immediate family, and anyone who's known me for the past decade and a half, find it hard to believe that I was ever like that at all. I feel like I don't even know that guy, like he's a different person altogether. I feel like that about a lot of what made me who I was in my late teens and early 20's. I've changed so much that when I have memories from that period, many of which I'm utterly ashamed of, it feels like I'm remembering someone else's life, like I was in someone else's head during that time. I can't speak to your experience or what's appropriate to your family, but people do change and they can improve massively into completely unrecognizable beings. Just food for thought.
Let me also say that physical violence in relationships is never ok and I'm not justifying anything, I'm merely saying that I'm not the same awful piece of shit I was, and if it's possible for my stupid ass then it's possible for anyone.
Let me also say that physical violence in relationships is never ok and I'm not justifying anything, I'm merely saying that I'm not the same awful piece of shit I was, and if it's possible for my stupid ass then it's possible for anyone.
Grildon Tundy
Member
I know someone who drank and hit their wife. Two decades, a divorce and new wife, sobriety, and grandkids later and they haven't gotten physical in 10+ years. Maybe drinking is the difference maker
lifa-cobex
Member
I think the OP as asking about the current relationship.
I believe you can absolutely grow and be better such as yourself.
However regarding the relationship where you hit her. I would think that relationship is dead.
You became a different person and married another. But what would have happened if you stayed with the original girl? Would you have become the same person you are today?
Would that event been a crux in the relationship. Would it have stayed in both your minds and caused other issues?
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Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
Ok, so this guy was assaulted he didn't press charges when the officer came out didn't want his children to see their mother being hauled off to jail.
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The ninja farmer
Member
People can change.
But they really have to want to (and that usually takes time and effort to identify the triggers and work on them. Mostly by talking through and being open and honest.)
It’s up to the other person to try to see the truth and if they believe in that option
Physical, like emotional and verbal violence is never acceptable in a relationship and most people, well they say change. What they really mean is not that ……
But not all
But they really have to want to (and that usually takes time and effort to identify the triggers and work on them. Mostly by talking through and being open and honest.)
It’s up to the other person to try to see the truth and if they believe in that option
Physical, like emotional and verbal violence is never acceptable in a relationship and most people, well they say change. What they really mean is not that ……
But not all
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
They are married with 2 young children. Wife has anger issues among other things.
lifa-cobex
Member
Rough shit.
No correct answer when kids are involved.
poodaddy
Member
Good point I suppose. Yes that relationship is over, my first marriage. I honestly don't know the answers to those very fair questions. Maybe it was doomed......but I guess I just want everyone to have the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I'm just projecting my own self shame on others in the hopes that I really have changed, I dunno. I was just kinda putting my two cents in there. They're probably worth less than that. For what it's worth OP, I hope everything works out. A big, uncomfortable conversation is definitely in order no matter which path you choose, and the wife in question absolutely must commit to change, regardless of whether the relationship is salvageable or not. The first step is looking inward, always.
clarky
Gold Member
Depends. Would need more info.
A drunken row thats gone too far on both sides? Possibly.
Mental abuse thats turned violent over time? Nope get the fuck out.
Not been in either situation myself but seen plenty of both male and female friends suffer both. My advice would speak to a real person or a councilor.
A drunken row thats gone too far on both sides? Possibly.
Mental abuse thats turned violent over time? Nope get the fuck out.
Not been in either situation myself but seen plenty of both male and female friends suffer both. My advice would speak to a real person or a councilor.
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Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
Verbal abuse that has now escalated to physical abuse
D
Deleted member 1159
Unconfirmed Member
Umbasaborne
Banned
Uuuh, then who the “assaulter” is needs to get fucking sent away and get help until they get that shit under control. And the assaultee should get a restraining order
Doczu
Member
Married with children? And the violence is one sided? I ask because a very VERY specific reason: no matter how this will go further, your friend needs to get some evidence he is the one assaulted and victim.
People can say whatever they want: guys are in a shit position when domestic violence goes to court. I have a mate that went through a messy divorce his ex wife made him a wife beating monster and now he has lost any rights to visit his kids.
Once again: your friend needs legal advice on how to report and have evidence for being the victim here. If things are escalating she might try to make him the perpetrator. Better safe than fucking sorry cause domestic abuse is a tag he won't lose easily.
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Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
He has videos of the verbal abuse none of the physical abuse it's hard to run and get your phone when your trying to not get hit.
Doczu
Member
I know.
I don't know if the relationship is worth (or possible) to salvage, but no matter what he (or they as they are in it together) will choose to do he needs to have solid evidence at hand.
Call me paranoid but when things go from words to fists anything is possible.
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
He's suggested counseling/therapy singles and couples. Her reply is that he shouldn't provoke her and that he knows where the front door is. It's difficult when there are children.
jufonuk
not tag worthy
op if this person is you there is no judgment abuse and violence to either sex is wrong and is not a laughing matter.
clarky
Gold Member
Then i would recommend this person removes themselves from the situation. Pronto.
Best of luck and stay safe please.
Punished Miku
Human Rights Subscription Service
Cameras are dirt cheap and can auto start with motion sensors and store it all on websites. We have a pair we put up when we go out of town to watch our cats. Was like $100.
As far as change in this relationship, its always possible if both people actually want that and think its worth it. Pretty unlikely though
Winter John
Member
If they got kids they want to get out before the kids get all fucked up. Otherwise eh. I dated a lot of bad tempered, inappropriate chicks when I was younger. I’m like an actual abuse victim. I should be in a shelter or somethin. I got kicked, punched, slapped, stabbed. They should make a fuckin Jodie Foster movie about me, call it The Deserved
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AJUMP23
Parody of actual AJUMP23
I would recommend counseling. And she should live someplace else for a while. She also needs accountability from outside the relationship. If she drinks, that should stop. If she cares about her kids and her spouse she will make the changes.
chromhound
Member
None. It's over
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
She refuses to go to counseling/therapy according to her the husband should just stop "provoking" her
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pramod
Banned
Seems to me your friend has two choices:
1. Learn to live with and accept her verbal abuse, at least for a while. In my experience people don't change. Or if they do, it takes many years or decades.
2. Get a divorce.
And none of us are in the position to make that decision for him.
1. Learn to live with and accept her verbal abuse, at least for a while. In my experience people don't change. Or if they do, it takes many years or decades.
2. Get a divorce.
And none of us are in the position to make that decision for him.
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nush
Member
I've been there, dude needs to get out. Deal with access to the kids later legally because its a bad example for them to see their dad get abused when there's nothing he can do about it. Once he's got his own place set up they'll see that it's mum that's a mental nutjob.
MastAndo
Member
Sounds about right. Probably not on the level of what happened here, but I've been slapped by two ex-girlfriends and when I said "let's not go there", got the typical "well, you shouldn't have..." such and such.
If you're resorting to violence against a person you're supposed to love, I think it just speaks too much to the kind of person you are. I know people can change (well, in theory), but if that's her response to his addressing it, it clearly comes with so many other issues. Let her change on someone else's time.
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AJUMP23
Parody of actual AJUMP23
She is the problem leave her. And get a video of her being abusive to show the judge so you can get the kids out of there too.
Sounds like a narcissist.
nush
Member
Sociopathic narcissist. It's not easy to get proof, they purposefully won't do anything if they are any witnesses around, won't put anything in writing or be caught on video etc. That way they can make up any shit they want about how it was the mans fault and they can be very convincing with the crocodile tears and pity party.
ClanOfNone
Member
A stint in jail might give her a much needed reality check. Or, it might make things 1000 times worse, you never know.
Regardless, the kids are watching, and no child deserves to deal with shit like that.
I'd take the kids and go, it's what I did.
Regardless, the kids are watching, and no child deserves to deal with shit like that.
I'd take the kids and go, it's what I did.
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
I'm afraid her seething rage would increase exponentially (if that's even possible). Some people are not capable of self reflection.
ClanOfNone
Member
Is alcohol and/or drugs involved? If so, I was in a very similar situation. We were both drunks when we met, relationship lasted nine hellish years with two little girls. She would get physical when she was drunk, thankfully she was too tiny to do any real damage. I eventually got sober, took the kids, and left. They were aged 7 and 2, my littlest one has never seen me drunk. Now, they are 18 and 13, and despite my crappy job, life has never been better.
People can change, but the VAST majority of them don't, and she gives zero indication that she is willing to work on herself.
People can change, but the VAST majority of them don't, and she gives zero indication that she is willing to work on herself.
Kenneth Haight
Gold Member
As someone who has been a victim and their mother has been a victim of domestic violence. You should contact law enforcement and never look back. No woman or in fact any gender should fell threatened in a relationship. If there is children involved you need to 110% leave and report it. Times up for these cunts.
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
No alcohol or drugs to my knowledge just dysregulated maladaptive crazyness.
nush
Member
I divorced her and even at the time I told my dad, "She's never going to stop, even after divorce". I was 100% right about that one, the only way to deal is 100% no contact. Forever. She keeps trying years later to get my contact details from my retired parents. These people will twist themselves into a pretzel not to be wrong or at fault so hard they break the space time continuum. It's quite amazing to see them ignore, reason, facts and evidence provided you're not the one getting a face full of insanity.
GnomeChimpsky
Member
Bitch is crazy. Get a Google Nest cam or something and try to get it on video. There's a risk she's gonna accuse him of violence and abuse and take his kids forever.