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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
stn
Member
This is usually an excuse. People who waste time online either want just sex or a relationship.
So, I have a personal rule. I don't talk about the next date on the first date, here's why. It subconsciously tells the girl that you're serious about continuously seeing her. People have a natural reaction to this, which is fear. People don't like to be tied down and want to know that they're free. Also, you want to leave a bit of mystery after the first date, you don't want to guarantee yourself. Sex is good to talk about but in a flirty way, not a "let's discuss the seriousness of it to set ground rules" way. You want to slip casual, flirty hints that you're down to bang, not have a full-on conversation about it.
Don't do movies as a first date. It gives the least room for conversation. Stick to coffee, drinking, bowling, etc...
Smooth move, but this should be avoided. This kind of contact is what couples do. Don't place yourself in the couples zone on a first date. The first reason is the same reason you don't want to discuss a second date so eagerly (i.e. fear of commitment). The second reason is that girls will sometimes accept your move as a way to avoid awkwardness.
How do you know when you should make such a move? At least wait for the second date, that way you'll know there's legit interest. I always say that the second date is the real date, as the first date can often be meaningless. A girl can decide she's not into you right away, and then may act based on avoiding awkwardness. Its happened to me and I've also done it to other girls before.
Again, this is couples stuff. Avoid it on a first meeting.
You're thinking way too far ahead, man. You might not even see her again. Try to keep your focus on having fun, that's how all first dates should go. Strictly fun, casual, with enough intrigue to make a second date. Then, slowly escalate from there.
Good for you for doing this, man. I have read your posts before and am aware to some degree of your situation. No matter what happens don't be discouraged and keep trying. My insight above is merely something to think about for the next girl you meet. Or for the second date with this one.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks, stn.
I texted her good morning, and she replied. She said that she's not ready for a relationship, though, and needed to try last night to make sure. "It's not you, it's me."
Apparently I was really nice, and accepting, and the date was a good one. However, she needs time to heal (from a six month relationship with a guy who sounds like an asshole, though it seemed like it was a while ago).
It's tough not to take it hard, because she seemed perfect for me. However, there were signs that she was a head case, and that's seemingly true. Not because of this, but just the way she talked and acted sometimes. (Though, I'm far from mentally perfect myself.) She was full of mixed signals.
Fuck. This was the first bit of good luck I'd had in a while, and in ten years in the dating department.
I texted her good morning, and she replied. She said that she's not ready for a relationship, though, and needed to try last night to make sure. "It's not you, it's me."
Apparently I was really nice, and accepting, and the date was a good one. However, she needs time to heal (from a six month relationship with a guy who sounds like an asshole, though it seemed like it was a while ago).
It's tough not to take it hard, because she seemed perfect for me. However, there were signs that she was a head case, and that's seemingly true. Not because of this, but just the way she talked and acted sometimes. (Though, I'm far from mentally perfect myself.) She was full of mixed signals.
Fuck. This was the first bit of good luck I'd had in a while, and in ten years in the dating department.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Wow, trolling on forums and Youtube comments is one thing (you're relatively anonymous) but on a dating site where pictures and personal info are publicly available? Pretty sad.
Don't let them get to you.
stn
Member
You mentioned she said she "wasn't sure if she'd have the time for a relationship and didn't want to hurt me, but wanted to try" before you even met, right? It pretty much tells me she never had real interest. Any time a person places doubt before the date even happens, they're trying to discourage the other person from going through with it. In such cases, the party goes through with the date mostly out of feeling guilty.
The people that actually don't want a relationship won't be browsing online dating or putting themselves out there to anyone. As I said, don't get caught up on this. You got some dating experience out of it and have things to think about for next time. Just remember to keep it casual and don't think too far ahead.
User 479360
Banned
Okay GAF, I reactivated my okc account yesterday and changed my profile pic to one of me sitting atop a mountain. Apparently it worked because two very attractive women, including one that I had liked a while ago, liked me. She's a 94% and all around the kind of person I want to meet. What do I say to herrrrr
She's a little older than me, in school for early childhood education, doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, likes kpop, and is super cute.
She's a little older than me, in school for early childhood education, doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, likes kpop, and is super cute.
Depending on how her profile is written, ask an open ended question about something you liked in there or that may be a common interest. Shows you read her profile and are interested in knowing more about her. I usually get a good response back doing that. I also get a lot of responses with food related questions too lol. Just keep it short and have some kind of hook to get them to respond.
User 479360
Banned
I sent a few messages out today, using tips from you nice folks, but never got a response. Damn.
I did just that. Her profile said she watches Korean shows most people have never heard of, so I tried to guess if she had seen one of the ones I've watched in a way that she would have to tell me if I was right or wrong. I'll let you know when something happens.
Good luck man, good chance she'll respond regardless if you both liked each other too.
User 479360
Banned
My mistake, I think, is hiding behind meet me and other quick like features. I go through, say yes to most profiles, then never message them.
I hope they'll message me, and figure that if I don't get one they don't, since emails are sent out when yes is said.
I hope they'll message me, and figure that if I don't get one they don't, since emails are sent out when yes is said.
Ultimately it's a numbers game. If you aren't sending messages then you are severely limiting your chances. More often than not girls are not going to initiate the first message, there's nothing to lose by sending a message. And if they don't respond, no big deal, just move on. I think I have a fairly good reply % on okc and tinder but of all of those conversations, I think maybe less than 25% were started by the girl. So if I wouldn't have messaged at all I would have missed out on a considerable amount of opportunities.
electricshake
Member
In the 2 years I used okc (on and off) I sent a handful of messages. Women tend to let men do all the work so you have to be the one initiating. My bf was really lucky, I was the first girl he messaged. I think he mentioned bands we both liked and commented on my good taste (an acceptable compliment to make in a first message; looks are not). There was also board game chat in there as I had on my profile that I liked board games. It was a good first message, but it helped immensely that I thought he was attractive. So good pics are key!
So, is putting any "nerdy" qualities or even coming out and saying that in a profile a death knell for these? I know attractive, intelligent, nerdy women exist out there, but would hate to limit myself from meeting other interesting women too. I know being honest is key, but maybe that's something they don't need to know right away until they get to know me? How do you all handle that in your profile?
The worst thing I said in mine is "playing games" as something I do on Friday nights. No other mentions.
Haha, well, guess I'm not the only one who fears putting it up there.
I think the best girlfriend I ever had was the one who accepted all of that from day one, but with all the dumb, negative connotations surrounding gamers these days maybe it's just not wise to throw it up there. I mean it's not ALL I do, and I'm not putting up pics of me in a Zelda shirt and boxers in front of my TV or anything , but it's a strong hobby like anyone on GAF can probably claim.
From what I can tell the only girls on there who are going to be happy you said something about video games are going to fit into the gamer grillzzz stereotype and be really annoying about it. Le Borderlands 2 and le homestuck, MEMES, league of Legends XDDD
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Why do I change the distance to within 100 miles? I see tons of beautiful women 95%+ in the state south of me. Why must I torture myself?
I don't mention gaming at all, unless they bring it up through normal conversation.
So when do you bring it up? Do you effectively hide it until you've locked them down then just spring it on them one morning when they wake up and see you playing PS4 or what?
And all I'm seeing in LA are hiking, wine tasting, beach going women. And if they're Disney Year Long Passholders and need to tell me about it, it's an instant "Nope" for me.....maybe the same way videogaming nerds are for most women haha -_-
They usually notice whenever they come over my place and see a console hooked up to my tv, I just don't make a big deal about it. My last girlfriend was cool about it, we played WoW together. Gaming isn't my main hobby, so I don't really feel the need to mention or talk about it unless they are into it too. I'm sure most girls are aware that most guys this day and age are into videogames of some type.
Gotcha. Alright, I'll just keep it on the dl then!
electricshake
Member
Way to generalise women who play videogames.
For the record, I game but my bf doesn't. Not a big deal.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
I guess bow and arrow is the new cool considering everyone has a "shooting a gun" picture.
I leave out most mentions of gaming in my profile but in the okcupid questions I don't hide it.
I'm talking only about the people who have visited my own profile. There are plenty that like games that aren't like that, but I'm not good enough for them.
beat
Member
I have a pic of me holding a toy lightsaber, and on some services it's even my profile pic. It probably does cut down on how many responses I'd get, but on the other hand, I think it filters out people who I'd never get along with anyways.
Yeah, I have one or two dorky pics like that thrown in with the rest. Hopefully it shows range, that I can have fun, and not take myself too seriously all the time. Got at least one message from someone who said exactly that and wanted to say "Hello" so (shrugs).
And I'd be okay with girls who game or "gamer girlzz" really (assuming there's some kind of bad connotation with the latter). Out of the only two women I've met who fell in those categories, one was a lesbian (I'm a straight male) who I'm still friends with, and the other is too enamored with videogames to do anything but.
And I'd be okay with girls who game or "gamer girlzz" really (assuming there's some kind of bad connotation with the latter). Out of the only two women I've met who fell in those categories, one was a lesbian (I'm a straight male) who I'm still friends with, and the other is too enamored with videogames to do anything but.
Ok, finally overcame my shyness and created a profile on both tinder and pof a couple of weeks ago.
Will stay away from Tinder for a bit, too much of a downer for me. Got a few matches but when I finally messaged someone saying Hi, all I got as a response was an Err and an unmatch afterwards. Kinda soured me on the experience.
Onto happier news, I've been talking to a girl I met on PoF for a couple of weeks now and she invited me to her home this afternoon. Any tips would be greatly appreciated since I'm still new to this and a bit too shy.
Will stay away from Tinder for a bit, too much of a downer for me. Got a few matches but when I finally messaged someone saying Hi, all I got as a response was an Err and an unmatch afterwards. Kinda soured me on the experience.
Onto happier news, I've been talking to a girl I met on PoF for a couple of weeks now and she invited me to her home this afternoon. Any tips would be greatly appreciated since I'm still new to this and a bit too shy.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
If that is enough to sour you on it, you really need to develop thicker skin. I know that it isn't productive to say 'get thicker skin', but give it some thought.
Many people aren't on tinder to find dates, they are there for the game aspect of it. Which is fine, but you just need to appreciate that not everyone is interested even if they swipe right on you - they are just looking for the validation (this applies to both genders).
Also, you got invited to somebody's home? That's unusual... but promising.
Yeah, Tinder's not for you.
Yeah, I have some self esteem problems but that's being worked on right now. Will take your advice to heart since that probably happens to pretty much everyone on Tinder.
I thought it was unusual as well. She actually invited me yesterday for a pizza at her home but since I was busy, I asked if we could reschedule it for today and she was fine with it.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Congrats on the sex
But more seriously, just go, relax, ask questions and see what happens. Oh and eat pizza. That sounds like the easiest possible date.
In all seriousness, I'd work on building your confidence and self esteem before taking to Tinder again. Tinder is, to put it simply, a game of smash or pass. That is to say that women will only right-swipe you if you're good-looking OR you have the confidence to make up for it. Getting butthurt about being unmatched tells me that, right now, you are not ready for Tinder.
So I had some extra cash in my Paypal account so I decided to use that to buy a month of OkCupid premium because why not? My god this is actually worth it. It's so much easier browsing people's profiles incognito so I don't have to worry about looking like a creeper when I need to steer the conversation in a different direction. Additionally, the extra sorting options have worked wonders. I went from maybe getting a response to getting around five responses for....every seven sent out? Because I sorted to more my liking. If you have the extra cash, I'd suggest going with OKC Premium.
Having said that, it's still expensive and idk if I want to continue paying when it comes time to renew.
Having said that, it's still expensive and idk if I want to continue paying when it comes time to renew.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Got into a convo with this woman on Match yesterday. Went back and forth for a few hours and I offered to take her out for tea. She said thanks for the invite and told me her schedule. I said I'll see how my week goes, and if you want to exchange #'s here's mine. Match tells you when a message was read and you also get an email with most of the message too. 12 hours later and nothing yet. I'll have to keep waiting I guess.
I'm pretty sure that most of my online interactions I've asked and received when mutual interest was shown, but never been the first to give my number.
I'm pretty sure that most of my online interactions I've asked and received when mutual interest was shown, but never been the first to give my number.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Man I haven't been getting anything at all on tinder recently. You guys think I just picked a bad set of pics or something?
Use your second pic IMO and add a couple more of just you. Remove the mask and camera one, too many camera pictures
Done. Thanks brah
stn
Member
Soooo, got a girl winking at me on Beautiful People. Problem is neither of us is a premium member. Do I take the plunge and sign up for one month? Its not really the money I'm concerned about, just the principle of it. I'm not a big fan of that site at all. The other problem is I think she'd have to be a member too for us to chat. Looking for someone to sway my mind in either direction.
stn
Member
I've met girls from there before, they were as hot as I expected them to be. So I think she's real. The thing is I had huge personality clashes with them all because they were extremely self-absorbed (I know, I know...). Hence my hesitation. I think I'll just stop flirting back and move on, I need to remember why I stopped using that site. Thanks.
Not sure what town, but maybe it sounds stalkery. Whenever I asked what town people live in, I make sure to mention mine.