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[davepoobond]

Had a date last night, and it surprisingly didnt go all that terrible. I think sitting at the bar and not having a server to attend to us may have helped there a little.

We didnt really have any pauses in the conversation but we didnt have a whole lot of stuff in common, and she seemed very much like "her life is about the work she does" since she is doing social work which I'm not sure if that jives with me. She's basically always on call and she was checking her on call phone a couple times which kind of put me off a bit to be honest.

Definitely seemed to be the best date I actually had so far with this online dating stuff. Not sure if I want to pursue this one at all, though.

 

[Symphonia]

Had a match on Tinder from a hot teacher. I message her something simple along the lines of 'Hey, how you doing?' to which she replies 'Hey boi, are you a half full or half empty guy?' - my immediate response is half-full. After all, gotta look upbeat, eh? Wrong. She unmatched me. Mental note; stay pessimistic at all times.

 

[Captain Smirk]

So it's nothing to do with an online match but I found out today that I got a payrise, woop woop! Went out with a few friends to Leeds in England...

Great laugh with mates but I really want to find a girl so as a group we randomly start with this girl group, I want to get with this sweet looking, cute reading glasses, primary teacher with dark hair and a bigger frame, she seemed lovely enough but the conversation never got out job talk and her chatting to her friend.

I failed part on my side as I got a taxi home as I write this, I need to improve my drunk banter to make it revelant to fun and getting her to kiss me at least, any future tips? Really wanna meet some girls online that are into gaming :-(

 

[Tabasco]

Update on the girl I met online:

I asked if she wants to meet and she agreed to it, but we are an hour drive apart. She doesn't have a car, and when I told her I could drive there myself, she tells me that I shouldn't waste gas unless I'm fine with it.

It's also difficult to tell her I want to be more than just friends unless I have to tell her that directly. I feel like I should only take the drive once just to see her in person, but she can't commute to me if she wanted to come to my house or whatever. I do have an activity planned for the both of us if I do decide to go see her.

What do you guys think I should do?

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Go see her again and smoothly bring up what you want out of a relationship.

 

[Tabasco]

Go see her again and smoothly bring up what you want out of a relationship.

If this is directed at me, I've never met her in person before.

We barely know each other over the internet.

I just want to know how to proceed with this since I'm possibly interested in a relationship with her, and I want to know if she would feel the same.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Reading fail on my behalf. You can bring up why you're went online in the first place, ask the same of her, and hope the conversation goes in the direction of what you want out of the dating experience.

 

[Tabasco]

Reading fail on my behalf. You can bring up why you're went online in the first place, ask the same of her, and hope the conversation goes in the direction of what you want out of the dating experience.

We started talking to each other through IM, not through a dating app or anything like that.

If she's willing to meet, and her intentions of wanting a relationship is not clear, I feel like I can immediately assume she wants to just be friends. Whether she's open to having a relationship or not is questionable. She did tell me that she has been dealing with a breakup, but I don't know for how long.

 

[User 479360]

Is it a good idea to tell girls that they look beautiful in their profile pictures or that you like their hair in a first message?

 

[GrizzNKev]

Is it a good idea to tell girls that they look beautiful in their profile pictures or that you like their hair in a first message?

no

 

[User 479360]

no

Okay. I worried it was creepy.

 

[stn]

Is it a good idea to tell girls that they look beautiful in their profile pictures or that you like their hair in a first message?

Just say something like... uh... "What food would you bring if you were stuck on an island?" You want something playful that encourages thought and shows that you have a personality.

 

[User 479360]

Just say something like... uh... "What food would you bring if you were stuck on an island?" You want something playful that encourages thought and shows that you have a personality.

Good advice

My usual is:

"Hi. How are you?

My name is Chewie. I read through your profile, and think that you seem like an interesting, intelligent and thoughtful person who I'd get along well with and like to get to know.

Feel free to send me a message if you'd like to talk.

Take care,

Chewie"

 

[Lulubop]

Restarted Tinder again, the last time I promise.

Using the pic I posted in facegaf, must matches I've gotten in two days though nothing really taking off. Not as many bots any more on here I've noticed.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

If this is directed at me, I've never met her in person before.

We barely know each other over the internet.

I just want to know how to proceed with this since I'm possibly interested in a relationship with her, and I want to know if she would feel the same.

I have been talking to this girl I met online and I want to feel attached to her, but right now we are just having small talk.

I met her not too long ago and I already feel a bond. We talk to each other like we're friends, but I want to bring it to the next level.

She lives in my area, so how can I take advantage of this? Anyone have advice?

?

Anyway it seems like you're only willing to meet her if you can get something out of it, which is the wrong way to go about it. What if you meet and she's totally different in-person? If you want to meet her, drive to meet her, hang out, let her know how you feel, if it works out, great. If it doesn't, chalk it up as an experience (hopefully you did something interesting) and move on.

 

[Symphonia]

Is it a good idea to tell girls that they look beautiful in their profile pictures or that you like their hair in a first message?

Not unless you're going for the 'creep' look.

 

[electricshake]

Good advice

My usual is:

"Hi. How are you?

My name is Chewie. I read through your profile, and think that you seem like an interesting, intelligent and thoughtful person who I'd get along well with and like to get to know.

Feel free to send me a message if you'd like to talk.

Take care,

Chewie"

Honestly, this type of message does nothing for me and I'd likely ignore it unless you have a great profile. You want to engage the person, which means asking questions. You're basically asking them to do the work, by inviting them to message you (and start a real conversation). Instead, ask them about something on their profile that interested you, or ask a random playful question.

 

[Mr Solo Dolo]

Yeah it sounds like you're applying for a job.

If there's nothing I can go off on their profile I normally go with, "I'm just gonna come out with this straight away. It's best to be honest and get it out of the way. Do you like Brussels Sprouts?".

If they say yes, joke about them liking them. If they say no, joke about it being too forward to ask that question.

 

[User 479360]

Honestly, this type of message does nothing for me and I'd likely ignore it unless you have a great profile. You want to engage the person, which means asking questions. You're basically asking them to do the work, by inviting them to message you (and start a real conversation). Instead, ask them about something on their profile that interested you, or ask a random playful question.

Okay. I'll try to move away from this and be more personable. Cheers.

It's tough sometimes, because some sites or apps don't allow for much of a profile.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

Okay. I'll try to move away from this and be more personable. Cheers.

It's tough sometimes, because some sites or apps don't allow for much of a profile.

Here are some examples of messages I've received, the good, the bad, and ugly:
The good (the ones I replied to):

I recently discovered Shabazz Palaces, they're basically their own category. Did you go to the Flying Lotus and/or Run the Jewels shows in the fall? RTJ is probably the craziest show I've been to in Boston.

You spend a lot of time thinking about existentialism but there is no Sartre book in your favorite books?

I do have the feeling you are missing a point

When you are not drinking a night at a bar or event, don't watch netflix but read "la nausée".

Just a friendly advise

Well hot damn - you have a pretty fantastic profile. That and you have some impeccable taste in books. I'm curious to hear what you thought of Revival. Also, have you read Locke & Key? It's some of Joe Hill's best work. So as a native of New Orleans, what do you miss the most and what are you most eager to get your fill of when you visit?

The mediocre thus ignored:

Hey New Orleans. I can be a tv/movie partner. I also go to the Brattle/Coolidge often and love independent film.

Hey, seems like we could enjoy a random conversation. I am planning to go to wally's and have my weekly jazz one of these days. Would you like to join?

Hey lady!!!! so it looks like we may have some things in common so I thought I would drop you a line and see what's up hope to hear from you

Hello how are you? You are you enjoying Boston winter?

The ugly:

hey, ur cute, how's it going??

Hey. I am a donkey. Do you like donkeys?

Smoke tree ?

The mediocre were just boring. I found that I was mostly drawn to people that not only mentioned my interest, but obviously had enough knowledge on the subject that showed me we both liked the same things. It wasn't that they were just attracted to my pictures, but that we had things in common. Hope this helps a little!

 

[Lulubop]

Damn, dudes be going ham on that first message.

Not I.

 

[User 479360]

Thanks, Arsenic. I'll keep those and your thoughts in mind.

 

[Symphonia]

I'm gonna try using that donkey one.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I wish I got messages like that. I have many "hooks" and off-the-wall interests but I just end up getting generic first messages. Even my username is a pun but no one picks up on it (then again it is a bit dated). It's not a deal breaker (have met many great girls without mentioning any of those things) but I sometimes think that the first person to acknowledge most/all of them will be the one.

 

[Rest]

I've been sending out fewer and fewer messages lately, getting so few responses has me feeling like it's all a waste of time. It sucks, I'd hoped to meet some people and go out and do some fun stuff, but it's so hard to stand out and get someone talking to you.

I recently discovered Shabazz Palaces, they're basically their own category. Did you go to the Flying Lotus and/or Run the Jewels shows in the fall? RTJ is probably the craziest show I've been to in Boston.

I have no idea what any of this means...

 

[davepoobond]

I've been sending out fewer and fewer messages lately, getting so few responses has me feeling like it's all a waste of time. It sucks, I'd hoped to meet some people and go out and do some fun stuff, but it's so hard to stand out and get someone talking to you.



I have no idea what any of this means...

It's music.

 

[TimeEffect]

Welp, Tinder is charging $$ now

Anyway I can downgrade the app? Stupid auto-update..

 

[keezy]

Welp, Tinder is charging $$ now

Anyway I can downgrade the app? Stupid auto-update..

This... I remember reading something about an optional fee incoming. But surpassing the amount of likes you can give out in a day is ridiculous.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

The ugly:

Smoke tree ?

I laughed.

 

[hydragonwarrior]

Bahh wrong thread

 

[Symphonia]

Secured a date with a cute guy on Saturday. Just meeting for a drink somewhere and talking, see where we go from there. Kinda nervous.

 

[stn]

Secured a date with a cute guy on Saturday. Just meeting for a drink somewhere and talking, see where we go from there. Kinda nervous.

Are you gay or a girl? For some reason I was always thought you were a straight guy. I mean no offense, total confusion on my part!

 

[Salamando]

Whelp, broke things off with a girl I met on OKC. As detailed in the Dating thread, I had lots of concerns about her, and she didn't exactly help dissuade them. She admitted a history of random hookups, I suggest we have date without hooking up to see what we are (she agrees), but then she sends me a 3AM text the next day...asking if we could hook up.

 

[Symphonia]

Are you gay or a girl? For some reason I was always thought you were a straight guy. I mean no offense, total confusion on my part!

I'm a guy. No offence taken, pal, nobody here knows I'm bisexual as I've not really gone into my sexuality before.

 

[stn]

I'm a guy. No offence taken, pal, nobody here knows I'm bisexual as I've not really gone into my sexuality before.

Ah, no worries!

On a general note, is anyone using Tinder still? I uninstalled it a while ago and am hearing there is no reason to go back.

 

[Lulubop]

So I sent a ton of first messages on Tinder last night only consisting of following emojis, a boy + a girl + pizza + beer and I got a surprising amount of positive replies.

 

[Symphonia]

On a general note, is anyone using Tinder still? I uninstalled it a while ago and am hearing there is no reason to go back.

I still use it and have no problems with it, but that could be because I already pay for the Tinder Plus features. My match-to-match ratio is about 1:5, but that works fine for me - Tinder, for me, is a bit of fun, whereas POF and OKCupid are the sites/apps I go to for more serious dating prospects. Whether Tinder is still good or not depends entirely on how you rated it before the IAPs were introduced and what you use it for.

 

[Mr Solo Dolo]

Ah, no worries!

On a general note, is anyone using Tinder still? I uninstalled it a while ago and am hearing there is no reason to go back.

Reinstalled it yesterday, so far no matches. This time last year when I was getting about 10 matches per day.

There is a few girls from my city that have started following me on Instagram today though so I'm guessing they've came across me on Tinder, if they've swiped right they should show up soon, I've just gotta wait 12 hours before I can have a look though.

 

[Tabasco]

?

Anyway it seems like you're only willing to meet her if you can get something out of it, which is the wrong way to go about it. What if you meet and she's totally different in-person? If you want to meet her, drive to meet her, hang out, let her know how you feel, if it works out, great. If it doesn't, chalk it up as an experience (hopefully you did something interesting) and move on.

Sorry about the confusion. What I meant when I said I feel a bond is because of just talking to her through IM.

She wants to meet me in a little less than two weeks, so I'm just going to go for it. I'm not going to bring up anything about being open to having a relationship until I meet her in person. It just doesn't feel right bringing it up through IM.

I laughed.

It looks like you just threw in random words when you quoted me and thought it was funny. I don't get it.

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

http://www.literallydarling.com/blog/2014/08/20/perils-dating-okcupid-black/

#can relate

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

It looks like you just threw in random words when you quoted me and thought it was funny. I don't get it.

It was supposed to be a quote of Arsenic Yellow.

 

[beat]

Tinder Plus is $20/month for over-30s, $10/month for under.

You have got to be kidding me.

 

[davepoobond]

Tinder Plus is $20/month for over-30s, $10/month for under.

You have got to be kidding me.

That's kind of funny actually

 

[Symphonia]

Tinder Plus is $20/month for over-30s, $10/month for under.

You have got to be kidding me.

Doesn't it charge extra the hotter you are, too, and by how popular you are? If so, it might explain why I only paid less than £2 for it.

 

[Llyranor]

It's weird, I get messages from girls half a continent away. Where are all the locals?!

I arranged 2 dates for this week via OKC. One is 'sick', then radio silence. Other one was supposed to get back to me as soon as she got her schedule for a tentative date yesterday (but again, radio silence).

Online dating! <3

----

On the upside, I have a thing set up with a friend of a friend this weekend. She seems a way better prospect than any of the online ones, plus she's super cute!

 

[Symphonia]

So, yeah, I'm still rocking Tinder.



Easy as pie.

 

[stn]

Easy as pie.

Haha, that's awesome. If the date goes through that would be one of the more epic pickups I've seen.

 

[thomas_mutton]

So I ended up deactivating my OKC account. I don´t really have enough spare time to be able to use the site the way that is "expected" of me I guess.
I Had a pretty rough week at work, so I didn´t really have time to reply or even check my messages much, and when I finally had time to look through it there were a whole bunch of passive aggressive/accusatory messages like this gem:

Conversation over? Those questions didn't keep me occupied for even five minutes. Why start talking if you never mean to finish? I'm disappointed in you. Aren't you in college? Aren't you an adult? Women are too easily frightened. I'm tired of it. I wish I was gay.

Which kind of made me feel like shit, because prior to this he had seemed like a pretty cool guy. Dude had also deleted his account by then. :/

I think I will just take a break for a while at least, and then maybe try tinder or something. The whole limited number of swipes things might actually just make it more manageable to deal with anyway, and you can only get messages from people you have matched with, so that might work better for me.
That or I actually have to start trying to interact with more new people in real life. *gasp* scary stuff.

For fun, some of the most off-putting first messages that I have received:

Who do you think lie more guys or girls ??

lol. Ur too pretty for a PhD

A PhD is basically just you proving to some older people that you are willing to lose sleep over something slightly more detailed than other people have been wiling to delve into

 

[User 479360]

So, I ended up going on a first date with the girl I met online and have been talking to for about two weeks or more. Texting, plus a couple of phone calls.

She wasn't sure if she'd have the time for a relationship and didn't want to hurt me, but wanted to try.

At first, she said that we couldn't meet until the 19th, because she's so busy with essays, work and class, plus familial needs, but I think that might've just been a way of being able to wait a bit. Talk to me more and figure out her interest.

Anyways, we've talked about things past the first date, such as cuddling, movies, hanging out, sex (not anytime soon - wants to be in love), oral, etc. I guess setting ground rules, and because the conversation naturally went there a couple of times.

We decided on a movie, plus coffee. She was going to leave it up to me, because I did mention my mental illness to be honest, and she wasn't sure of my comfort zone. However, we just did a movie.

Ended up meeting at the theatre just before. I got the tickets, and then we sat down. I'm shy/new to this, so it took me a while, but I eventually put my arm around her and she got close/nestled in. I was cold, so I used it to my advantage. She left her coat on because the theatre was cold, and it was freezing outside. (I joked that she'd picked the coldest day to meet on and that it was her fault, lol. Then told her to pick a warmer day next time, just as a joke.)

I asked her later if she could warm my hand up, so we held hands for a while too.

She nestled in and seemed interested in a second date later on. Said something like "definitely." However, she'd promised to text when she got home and didn't. Then again, it's not abnormal for her to quickly pass out when she gets home because of fatigue.

The only thing I worry about is whether she got home safely. In the long run, I'm also scared about how she wants kids and I don't think I do. I have a lot of issues to get over, and really don't want to pass them on to a child or know if I could support/look after one on disability.

 

[Mr. Sam]

Sounds like a good first date, man - congratulations. No need to overthink things and jump years into the future just yet.

I arranged 2 dates for this week via OKC. One is 'sick', then radio silence. Other one was supposed to get back to me as soon as she got her schedule for a tentative date yesterday (but again, radio silence).

This keeps happening to me as well. I ask them out, they say yes; I suggest a time or place, silence. I guess they just get cold feet.