Congrats on the good time!
If you want to be sure the girl likes you, look for touching. That's the moment you're in. My heart still skips a beat anytime a girl does that move where she squeezes your leg a little...
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Congrats on the good time!
If you want to be sure the girl likes you, look for touching. That's the moment you're in. My heart still skips a beat anytime a girl does that move where she squeezes your leg a little...
User 479360
Banned
I haven't had that, but it sounds nice.
The only touching occurred when she brought up that she was tired and would maybe fall asleep in the van if she didn't get out soon. I laughed, and we somehow started joking about how I'd drive home and just leave her there overnight, then my Dad would wonder why the hell a girl was sleeping in the van. I said I'd just leave her there as a joke, which she found funny.
I also jokingly said, I'd drag her in, but though that wouldn't happen at all, if it did somehow I'd bring her into the guest room.
Anyways, she told me how her friend wakes people up by lightly tapping them then slapping them if they don't wake up. She tapped me about four times.
a bit of a copy and paste:
Hello everyone, I am kind of new to the whole idea of online dating websites and a bit green when it comes to dating as a whole so I was wondering if I could ask for some advice and a quick critique of my profile over at OKC. The only thing I can think that could be improve is the lack of pictures "not much of a photo person" the link is below, thanks.
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/vrsaskayzx
Hello everyone, I am kind of new to the whole idea of online dating websites and a bit green when it comes to dating as a whole so I was wondering if I could ask for some advice and a quick critique of my profile over at OKC. The only thing I can think that could be improve is the lack of pictures "not much of a photo person" the link is below, thanks.
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/vrsaskayzx
Become a photo person. Spending time on your profile pics is the single best use of your effort when it comes to online dating. They tell prospective suitors (suitresses? is that a word?) a lot about you before they read a single sentence. Your pic is fairly "blah". Its focus or resolution is off, you're in a drab environment/computer lab, and your expression needs help. Smile a bit! Try to look happy! Try to get a pic in a more uplifting environment. Outdoors or a coffee shop maybe?
For your actual profile...OKC provides a bunch of different fields to put stuff in. Utilize them. Small blocks of text in the proper areas enhance readability. You seemed to take their prompts and throw it under one heading. You should also reread some of your sentences..."...I enjoy drawing...a lot specially if I feel stressed and I also like to do a lot of video editing".
FalconLunch
Member
I agree with everything Salamando said. You should break up the text a little more so it's easier to digest.
Your picture especially needs a bit of work... you look unhappy and almost intimidating, not a vibe you want to give off to potential dates. Should try smiling in one
Little things like that can go a long way.Thrillhouse
Member
I have been using Tinder off and on since around November and yesterday I decided to restart my account for the first time. So now I feel like summarising my first tinder round:
After, what is it? Just over five months, I had accumulated 200 matches, not counting the ones I had unmatched or been unmatched by. That's like, around 1.5 matche per day. I live in a medium sized town in Europe, around 500 k, with my range probably covering up to a population of one million ( though I tend to not care about those further away than 20 km). Out of those 200 I have maybe talked with 20-25, and maybe ten of those have been lengthier conversations. I have met up with three of them and out of those three I have sleept with two. One of those two I had a longer dating/relationship/something-period with, lasting from December to February. So naturally I wasn't (very) active on Tinder during that time. My experiences are as follows:
It's been working semi-well, but not as good as I had hoped. The fact that I rarely innitiate the conversation is of course a big factor. But I hate taking the first step, same as in real life. It's of course hard to rate your own apperance, but judging from IRL succes at clubs etc I know that I'm better looking than most, though nothing close to a 'hunk'. So I feel that my match count probably should be higher? I have been not been overly picky, I say yes to maybe 1/4 on average. That wich has worked best for me is exchange students or tourists. They tend to a bit nicer than the rest, because let's face it, attractive girls probably don't need tinder. But people new in town actually have an excuse and also tend to be more dedicated to meeting up.
I have tried a few different approaches to photos. At first I had a picture of me in an exotic landscape holding a SLR camera, but where I didn't look very attractive. Later I changed to a simple selfie where I looked good ( in my eyes at least ). I also tried a more humoros photo of myself and one more vauge looking photo to "lure" them into my profile. The good looking selfie generated way less matches than the picture with the camera and the funny one; the vauge one was a little bit worse than the others, but not as bad as the selfie. Conslusion: context is much more important than looks, at least for the opening picture, you have to spark an interest, and a selfie does not.
When it comes to actually writing with the girls, the one that didn't seem intersted at all (short responses, never asking follow up questions etc) was the one that I had most succes with. Everyone has their own style of writing, and it's always hard to judge someones intententions from text alone. I was the one that initiated the conversation with both of the girls that I later sleept with.
From my experience, the Tinder-algorithm have some serious issues. For example I tend to get more matches if I'm being picky, if I just decide to spam like on everyone (wich I've tried from time to time), I tend to not match with anyone. My theory is that if you like too many people, you do not get placed at the beging of the people you likes deck, wich seems to be the case othervise (since I usually match with the first ten people if I've been inactive for a long period). Also I seem to get more matches directly after editing my profile (however small the change is; for example swapping the order of the pictures). I think this might bump you 'higher' in the deck. All in all I've experienced tons of glitches, like matches disappearing and then reappearing after reinstalling the app, the app saying that there no new people in my area, while my friend gets people on his Tinder than I haven't seen yet. People that show up in my deck days later. I have also heard of friends that have liked each for fun other without getting a match. Etc etc. All in all, I do not entierly trust Tinder, but do take all of this with a grain of salt, since it's pure speculation.
After, what is it? Just over five months, I had accumulated 200 matches, not counting the ones I had unmatched or been unmatched by. That's like, around 1.5 matche per day. I live in a medium sized town in Europe, around 500 k, with my range probably covering up to a population of one million ( though I tend to not care about those further away than 20 km). Out of those 200 I have maybe talked with 20-25, and maybe ten of those have been lengthier conversations. I have met up with three of them and out of those three I have sleept with two. One of those two I had a longer dating/relationship/something-period with, lasting from December to February. So naturally I wasn't (very) active on Tinder during that time. My experiences are as follows:
It's been working semi-well, but not as good as I had hoped. The fact that I rarely innitiate the conversation is of course a big factor. But I hate taking the first step, same as in real life. It's of course hard to rate your own apperance, but judging from IRL succes at clubs etc I know that I'm better looking than most, though nothing close to a 'hunk'. So I feel that my match count probably should be higher? I have been not been overly picky, I say yes to maybe 1/4 on average. That wich has worked best for me is exchange students or tourists. They tend to a bit nicer than the rest, because let's face it, attractive girls probably don't need tinder. But people new in town actually have an excuse and also tend to be more dedicated to meeting up.
I have tried a few different approaches to photos. At first I had a picture of me in an exotic landscape holding a SLR camera, but where I didn't look very attractive. Later I changed to a simple selfie where I looked good ( in my eyes at least ). I also tried a more humoros photo of myself and one more vauge looking photo to "lure" them into my profile. The good looking selfie generated way less matches than the picture with the camera and the funny one; the vauge one was a little bit worse than the others, but not as bad as the selfie. Conslusion: context is much more important than looks, at least for the opening picture, you have to spark an interest, and a selfie does not.
When it comes to actually writing with the girls, the one that didn't seem intersted at all (short responses, never asking follow up questions etc) was the one that I had most succes with. Everyone has their own style of writing, and it's always hard to judge someones intententions from text alone. I was the one that initiated the conversation with both of the girls that I later sleept with.
From my experience, the Tinder-algorithm have some serious issues. For example I tend to get more matches if I'm being picky, if I just decide to spam like on everyone (wich I've tried from time to time), I tend to not match with anyone. My theory is that if you like too many people, you do not get placed at the beging of the people you likes deck, wich seems to be the case othervise (since I usually match with the first ten people if I've been inactive for a long period). Also I seem to get more matches directly after editing my profile (however small the change is; for example swapping the order of the pictures). I think this might bump you 'higher' in the deck. All in all I've experienced tons of glitches, like matches disappearing and then reappearing after reinstalling the app, the app saying that there no new people in my area, while my friend gets people on his Tinder than I haven't seen yet. People that show up in my deck days later. I have also heard of friends that have liked each for fun other without getting a match. Etc etc. All in all, I do not entierly trust Tinder, but do take all of this with a grain of salt, since it's pure speculation.
Good news, I didn't fuck it up, since she canceled the date. Said she was busy. Yeah, whatever.
I did have another date today. She bailed out five minutes before the arranged time.
Great week so far.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Haven't looked at this yet, but I'd get a different username. Every message starts with "you have a message from X" so try to make X easy to understand and/or somewhat humourous so it stands out.
Gray Matter
Member
I wish I had your luck.
Well at least you dodged two bullets. You don't need girls that do that shit anyway.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
It happens about 50% of the time for me. I've noticed they put in little effort - either hi, or the first line of an ABBA song.
I did, my sub is only 5 bucks a month tho.
BIGWORM
Member
Bot.
Callousness is showing today lol
So I messaged this girl that lives about 120 miles from me. Big blue eyes, lovely smile. We texted and talked nonstop for the past 2 weeks. She's coming up to see me and stay the night on Saturday. Added each other in IG/FB (not that that's a thing, but you know...). Keeps telling me she's twitterpated haha. It's going places. =)
Ahah yeah that's true. We chatted for a couple of hours and she seems kinda cool though, also she had to go out for dinner and she said she'd get in touch with me tomorrow.
Too bad she lives 400 kms away from me but whatever.
User 479360
Banned
What are your thoughts on this? I cross-posted it.
I wish that I was a mind reader who could see the future, as well. Or, at least one of the two.
Reason: I want to know what the girl I'm dating is thinking. She's very tough to read via text, but not in person.
I've already regaled you with the synopsis of the date, so I won't write that again. But she mentioned coming here (15 minutes away in a different town than she's from) to spend the day, maybe go for food. That'd be Saturday when she's off.
I was hoping she'd be excited and want to do something one night before that, and that I could go to her place or something and watch a movie or game. Nothing special. Then we could do that on date 3, but she doesn't seem to be someone who really likes to do much after work. It worries me going forward.
Then again, we've only been on one date.
I spoke to her today, but didn't bring up my feelings. I just asked if she would like to do something again soon, and she said Saturday would work best. She's not sure if she'll come out here or not, but isn't sure of how long she would for. Though she'd mentioned spending the day before, it'll depend on how long she sleeps because it's her only day off. But I brought up going for a movie and she wants to do that.
I think I'm jumping ahead too much mentally, because I'm new to this and really want a relationship where I see the other person a lot.
I wish that I was a mind reader who could see the future, as well. Or, at least one of the two.
Reason: I want to know what the girl I'm dating is thinking. She's very tough to read via text, but not in person.
I've already regaled you with the synopsis of the date, so I won't write that again. But she mentioned coming here (15 minutes away in a different town than she's from) to spend the day, maybe go for food. That'd be Saturday when she's off.
I was hoping she'd be excited and want to do something one night before that, and that I could go to her place or something and watch a movie or game. Nothing special. Then we could do that on date 3, but she doesn't seem to be someone who really likes to do much after work. It worries me going forward.
Then again, we've only been on one date.
I spoke to her today, but didn't bring up my feelings. I just asked if she would like to do something again soon, and she said Saturday would work best. She's not sure if she'll come out here or not, but isn't sure of how long she would for. Though she'd mentioned spending the day before, it'll depend on how long she sleeps because it's her only day off. But I brought up going for a movie and she wants to do that.
I think I'm jumping ahead too much mentally, because I'm new to this and really want a relationship where I see the other person a lot.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Err you are overthinking it.
Say, let's do xxx at xxx time.
If she says yes, great. If the time doesn't work, tell her to choose a time/date that does work. If she is reticent to do that, move on.
Some people just aren't conversational texters. If this is a necessity for you, bail now.
Say, let's do xxx at xxx time.
If she says yes, great. If the time doesn't work, tell her to choose a time/date that does work. If she is reticent to do that, move on.
Some people just aren't conversational texters. If this is a necessity for you, bail now.
Visiting someone's apartment isn't a move to be made lightly. It can carry with it certain expectations...usually that the physical aspect of the relationship is about to be bumped up a couple notches. Considering you haven't kissed yet, she might be seeing it as you trying to move to fast. Personally I won't consider a "hang out at my/your home" date until we've kissed/made out.
Sure, that might not be your intention, but after one date she doesn't know you that well. She'll still be comparing you to every other man out there, and let's face it, a lot of them are dogs.
User 479360
Banned
Yeah, I think you're both 100% correct. I'm going to try to tell myself to stop worrying and take it slowly like needs to be done.
I haven't asked to go over to her place. I did mention that we could maybe do it after dinner and watch a movie if she was okay with it, but that was over text before the first date. I didn't mention it in person, nor have I since.
I just want to hang out, but I can see where that could be misread with ease. I don't want to rush things, and am afraid to kiss her because I'm likely awful at it. It's been a long, long time.
TriangleOfCorruption
Member
made an okc account yesterday
can't even bring myself 2 respond to people who message me
idt this is for me
can't even bring myself 2 respond to people who message me
idt this is for me
Gray Matter
Member
Is messaging a girl who didn't respond a second time seem desperate?
There are these two girls that from their pictures and and profile seems great.
There are these two girls that from their pictures and and profile seems great.
Easystride
Member
Oh man, I have my first ever date at (I'm in my mid-twenties) tomorrow and I am a bit nervous. We have been messaging for like two weeks, and each of our messages to each other have been about 4 pages long in Word. We have a lot in common, but its hard to tell how well you gel with someone until you meet them in person. I just hope we don't run out of stuff to talk about.
If they don't respond after a second time, I usually take it as they aren't interested.
I did that with the girl I saw for two months and well, almost ended up in a relationship with. It's not weird. But I'd say if they still don't respond, move on.
Had a date schedule yesterday, but she had to cancel on Tuesday due to school work which I was fine with. So I asked someone else, they agree but flaked on me. Smh. Have a date tonight, hoping she doesn't flake. The girl who canceled Tuesday was also down to reschedule for today but I had already planned this one. Have a date on Sunday with this 6 foot tall German blonde, kinda hype.
Tempted to unmatch the girl who flaked on me last night, but she's pretty hot.
Tempted to unmatch the girl who flaked on me last night, but she's pretty hot.
Each message was 4 pages long? That's insane. You two must really like each other. I hope it works out for you!
I have a date tonight with a tall asian girl. She's a bit younger than I prefer, but she seems like a nice gal. She is craving fries so we're going to this local burger joint that she's never been to. Hopefully there's chemistry with this one.
Good luck, let us know.
Easystride
Member
Yea, each message. Our first couple messages were just a few paragraphs but by day 3 or so they got to be around 4 pages each. I am excited and nervous. We have so much in common, and she is so intelligent. I just don't want to mess up the date.
How long does it take to write four word pages? I'd imagine about an hour or something if you're really fast and know what you want to say. That's a pretty long time.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Easystride
Member
Yea, I usually spend around an hour or two a message.
Dayum...
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I just sent a message to a girl that seems really interesting, by chance I checked the clock before I really started typing anything, and again just before I sent it. It took about 30 minutes to try and come up with something to say which she might find interesting, and chances are she will not respond. I think I'm wasting a bit too much time, it's time for a break.
On Tinder (or any other dating site, I'm only using Tinder though), do you consider the other person only responding to what you say as a sign of lack of interest? I'm not only asking questions, I try to mix it up and even lean more towards statements that they can riff off, but I find that many of my conversations die out since I'm always driving it forward. She could say that she has a bad sense of direction, and I'll say we should totally take a course on that at my uni (which obviously doesn't exist, which is why it's a bit funny... anyway), and she'll reply "Yeah we totally should! smiley" and then nothing.
With the girls I've had success with in conversations, they would always give me a hook back to talk about, but it seems I'm getting a lot of stalling right now. I mean I am considering the fact that not everyone is a great texter, but it's too many that this has happened with to be a coincidence. We get a day or two into texting on Tinder and then she starts giving me really short answers like above or even nothing, lol. Anyone else had this happen a lot?
With the girls I've had success with in conversations, they would always give me a hook back to talk about, but it seems I'm getting a lot of stalling right now. I mean I am considering the fact that not everyone is a great texter, but it's too many that this has happened with to be a coincidence. We get a day or two into texting on Tinder and then she starts giving me really short answers like above or even nothing, lol. Anyone else had this happen a lot?
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Yup, lots of complaints about that from posters here. I don't know the reasoning behind it, none of the women that use this thread have addressed it that I have seen. The general consensus seems to be that they're not interested or they're not worth the effort, which I agree with.
I dunno, man. The first girl, I didn't even talk to her before that long, so I wasn't really upset. To the second one however, I had contact for a long time and she even requested to change the time we meet so that she could make it. I was really excited. And then I get shot down just like that. Didn't respond when I tried to call her either. Ugh...
Whenever that happens, I turn the tables with a simple question - Is there a question you want to ask me, that you wouldn't be surprised if I don't answer, but you kinda sorta want to see if I answer it?
It effectively turns the conversation into a game of chicken...who can ask the risque question first that the other party refuses to answer. And if the conversation is near death anyway, what've you got to lose?
This is a great suggestion, I'll try it right now.
MonorailCat
Member
Second date. I cooked us dinner and we cuddled in bed while watching a movie. Good chemistry (at least I thought so). Some under shirt/trousers action. She had to get up early next morning so I brought her to the train and we kissed goodbye,
Since then no anwer. Before the date we texted multiple times daily.
Sometimes I just don't get it.
Since then no anwer. Before the date we texted multiple times daily.
Sometimes I just don't get it.
Gray Matter
Member
So how would I go about sending a second message to someone who didn't respond?
I know I have to say something better than "hello" which is what I said in the first message, which is probably why they didn't respond in the first place.
I know I have to say something better than "hello" which is what I said in the first message, which is probably why they didn't respond in the first place.
BIGWORM
Member
...you don't.
This has been a very interesting week for my profile...
- I get liked by a girl who likes video games and waffles! Oh wait, she's married and polyamorous. Cool if that's your thing, but dammit if I don't find the dating dynamics between two people hard enough!
- I get messaged by another girl! Oh wait, she hates travel, science, discovery, and uses grammar that is just deplorable.
- Another girl likes my profile...I'm on a roll! Well educated, very cute, too bad there's a good 600+ miles between us.
- Yet another like. Girl's cute, we have a lot in common...but then I read her questions. She doesn't like trying new foods and is anti-video games...
- One last girl likes my profile...she's impossibly attractive, driven, a numbers geek...I like her back, send her a message, and nothing. But she has randomly viewed my profile a good half-dozen times since
- I get liked by a girl who likes video games and waffles! Oh wait, she's married and polyamorous. Cool if that's your thing, but dammit if I don't find the dating dynamics between two people hard enough!
- I get messaged by another girl! Oh wait, she hates travel, science, discovery, and uses grammar that is just deplorable.
- Another girl likes my profile...I'm on a roll! Well educated, very cute, too bad there's a good 600+ miles between us.
- Yet another like. Girl's cute, we have a lot in common...but then I read her questions. She doesn't like trying new foods and is anti-video games...
- One last girl likes my profile...she's impossibly attractive, driven, a numbers geek...I like her back, send her a message, and nothing. But she has randomly viewed my profile a good half-dozen times since
Gray Matter
Member
I swear I never know what to write as a first message and end up writing the stupidest shit.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Those times when a girl says she'd love to meet, doesn't contact you for a week and then disables her profile. 😶
BIGWORM
Member
You're in the queue.