Gray Matter
Member
I'm 0-10. Maybe this isn't for me.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
thoseAREmySHOES
Member
OK, I think I'm finally going to take a stab at making a decent profile on OKC or another free site and probably check out CoffeeMeetsBagel. I can only "third wheel" it so long with my friends, and I'm turning 25 this summer. Gotta at least TRY.
Sounds just like mine. I hate to say this but the number of people who view, like, and message me that are either completely insane or just bad matches drives me to ignore okc entirely.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
10 total, 10 today? what?
its a numbers game. there's a percentage of replies you will get, if that is 4%, you will need to send out 25 before you get one response back. 4% of 10 is less than 1
TriangleOfCorruption
Member
this constitutes a write-off????
Gray Matter
Member
Just one one day. I have more success in person, and I barely talk to women.
Forgot the worst parts...she allergic to cats (and like hell if I'm getting rid of mine), she belives creationism should be taught in school, she'd rather lose the right to vote than the right to bear arms, she doesn't know how long a kilometer is....
BIGWORM
Member
Gray Matter
Member
I don't think I can do that even if I wanted to. Most on the profiler have been lingering there for weeks and those are the girls that (based on their profile) I'm not interested in.
I get very few new profiles a week.
Edit: and that's just OKC. I've swiped right on dozens of profiles and nothing, on tinder.
Dozens? Try a few hundred until you get anything substantial.
False Witness
Member
I can't imagine playing the numbers game. Hell, I don't even send messages 90% of the time. I'm one of those wait and see folks who just changes his profile often. I let people come to me, which has been relatively successful.
I think it helps that I'm below average-looking, as weird as that may sound. I also have a massive profile that takes up several pages in word. Maybe it's just being different that makes the difference.
I think it helps that I'm below average-looking, as weird as that may sound. I also have a massive profile that takes up several pages in word. Maybe it's just being different that makes the difference.
TriangleOfCorruption
Member
lmao, fair enough then
Gray Matter
Member
I'm sure it has surpassed the 150 mark.
ClosingADoor
Member
Don't think on a message for more then a minute. Not worth it. It will come across as forced anyway.
Hell, I get most responses with just 'Did you enjoy the nice weather today' this week...
So I went out on an Impromptu date last night with the Ukrainian girl I was suppose to see Wed. She was meeting friends afterward, which is fine. I think it went pretty well, though kinda awkward at the end. I was kinda flipping through my phone to see if anyone was doing anything, I guess she saw it as disinterest. I hit her up while buzzed a few hours later, and she kinda confirmed that. That said I asked if she wanted to hang again and she definitely on board.
I still need a OKC name. I'm thinking like newnyorkcity native. Obviously taken, but some kinda variation. That's the best I got.
I still need a OKC name. I'm thinking like newnyorkcity native. Obviously taken, but some kinda variation. That's the best I got.
Can't blame her really, don't use your phone during a date unless you have to is my rule of thumb. Glad to hear you had a good time though. Let us know how it goes!
My date last night was alright. Nice girl but wasn't anything too special. I really want someone to spark chemistry with, so I think I'm just going to move on to the next.
That's why I don't really recommend to people to send out 10 messages a day to girls. Yes it is a numbers game, and yes you can score more dates by lowering your standards, but when it comes to relationships, do you really want to take the quantity over quality approach? I did that in the beginning and most of my dates were just plain bad. Sure, messaging less girls means less responses, but personally I would prefer 1 response from a qualty girl over 10 responses from non-quality ones.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Seconded. I usually spend no more than ten to fifteen minutes MAX looking at a profile before I message a girl, and even then I'm usually on the crapper. Find one thing that you find interesting about the girls' profile and use that as a conversation starter.
electricshake
Member
One reason is to avoid being rude - plenty of people find it difficult to flat out ignore messages (although obviously plenty don't!). So they half-heartedly reply and it never really goes anywhere.
For me personally, I always hated replying to a message, answering the questions that were posed and following it up with variations of 'how about you?' - it always felt awkward to me. In a face-to-face conversation you would just give your opinion/answer after you had heard the other person's answer, no need to be continually asked your views. However I also tended to write reasonably lengthy replies, and would generally ask if the person wanted to go out for a drink within a few messages so it was obvious I was interested.
Yes, naturally being bombarded with questions would get tiresome. However as I said in my post, I try to mix it up between questions and just statements that they can either give their view on riff off or come up with their own topic. When I do the latter I mostly never get a response. From my point of view that means they're not interested.
Also, the being rude thing is - pardon my French - such horseshit. If you're not interested, stop wasting my time (not directed at you, talking about Tinder girls in general). This is a dating app, not Make-Pleasant-Conversation: The App.
General question to you all: what do you look for when asking someone to meet? I mean if someone is replying like what I've described above, I feel hesitant because they seem disinterested. Do you guys ignore that and go for it anyway? What do you look for?
I totally agree with this. Many guys in this thread seem to think that sending a message requires spending several minutes thinking of a well thought out message.
When in fact, sending out something as harmless as "How was week/weekend going" works just as well that it got me replies. Please guys, don't drive yourselves insane trying to compose the "perfect" message because life is too short to be spending time doing that.
I'm confused about the Ukranian girl. Did it go well overall that she wanted a second date or was she bummed out that you'd been texting mid date that it raised a red flag for her?
I personally find it disrespectful when a girl suddenly whips out her phone to respond to some to some texts since it tells me that she doesn't value my time or care to listen to what I have to say.
Dude, seriously? That's a pretty trite username lol. My advice would be make a reference to the neighborhood you live in plus a hobby or a game/movie/comic/tv show that you like. Maybe something along the lines of LEStreetFighter since I know you're a huge fighting game fan.
EDIT: To the above poster, long replies with lots of questions being asked and a few exclamation points here and there. That to me screams that they would be down to meet up so I then suggest hanging out and exchanging numbers.
Wow, well I have neither of those with the girls I'm talking to right now. Time to move on I guess.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Depends on the person: some are just bad at online conversations or reluctant to reveal too much. If you've exchanged a few messages ask to continue the conversation over coffee. At that point they'll say yes or stop responding. Either way, you'll know for certain.
It just sorta got awkward, she had her phone out but she had to keep track of the time. I know I shouldn't pull mine out, but I did. She was leaving at 9, and my friend was in the area. I just wanted to touch base, but I feel like she took it as me not being interested. I never do that shit. She we went to where her friend were going to meet with her, they came and she was like oh you're not coming. I knew I wasn't, nor did I ever attempt to tag along. So I meet up with my friend and got pretty buzzed. I hit her up and was like oh, that was kinda rude. She apologized, and then I ask if she was interested in hanging out again but then she asked me if I was really interested in hanging out. To me, that seems like the phone thing showed a lack of interest. Also I'm pretty sure she thought I was Tindering. Yea, rookie mistake there but whateves. She's down to hang again.
She's doing a semester aboard at NYU, so she's only here until May 20something. Pretty sure she's not looking for anything serious, and that's ok with me.
I feel like people on Tinder are receptive to the fact that I am a native New York, which I do point out in my bio. Though, they're more receptive of the, "I'm growing a beard, ask about it line". I get so many first messages off that one. Iunno, I said I needed help.
Gray Matter
Member
FINALLY(!) got a response from someone.
Easystride
Member
Whelp, my first ever date is in 3 hours. Any last minute advice guys? We've been chatting a ton for the last 2 weeks.
Make sure your fingernails are trimmed, look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath and tell yourself that you're not going out to meet your future wife.
Overall, focus on having a good time. If you're not feeling her at all, then politely say you have to go and bail. Put some of your favorite music on to hype yourself up.
@ Gray Matter, nice going kid. Keep your head up and you might just get a date out of it. Remember to ask her questions since women love talking about themselves.
Red_taiyaki
Member
This. Oh and do make sure you head over there early. Nothing worse than being late for a first date/meeting/hangout/whatever.
Have fun!
If you don't know the place you're meeting at, get there early and feel it out, look for spots to sit (if you're meeting out) and look at the menu if there is one. Just make yourself comfortable.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Make sure there's an escape route out back too.
Gray Matter
Member
2 messages in and she stopped responding, it's been about 4 hours now since the last message.
Maybe she is busy or just not very active in general? One girl I talked to on Tinder would be online about twice a day and respond then. People are different in that regard.
Big Papa Husker
Member
I had this happen to me twice in the last two weeks. Never did have them respond.
User 479360
Banned
I'm no longer single! After almost thirty years, the drought is over! Haha
The girl I went to the restaurant with on Monday texted me today to tell me she had the day off. We had planned to spend time together and see a movie tomorrow, but she wanted to know if I'd like to do that today. I wasn't doing anything, so she took the bus out here and I picked her up at the stop.
Although it wasn't planned, she met my family and spent time here for a little while. She wanted to watch me play video games while reading manga (I guess that's how a lot of her dates have gone and she finds it comfortable that someone she's with can do that and keep a conversation going). Then, we went out for Chinese food, came back, and went back out later to see Unfriended.
Before we went to the movie theatre, I had to sit with my handicapped sister at a retirement home she was singing at, because family had to bring another family member in a wheelchair and our van only holds one. She came, put up with it and was nice about it, then we went to the movies. But she met some family/friends there, and told me in the theatre that she almost introduced herself as my girlfriend to them. So that started us talking about it.
She seemed really giddy after saying yes, and quickly changed her Facebook status. We then cuddled and held hands during the movie.
The girl I went to the restaurant with on Monday texted me today to tell me she had the day off. We had planned to spend time together and see a movie tomorrow, but she wanted to know if I'd like to do that today. I wasn't doing anything, so she took the bus out here and I picked her up at the stop.
Although it wasn't planned, she met my family and spent time here for a little while. She wanted to watch me play video games while reading manga (I guess that's how a lot of her dates have gone and she finds it comfortable that someone she's with can do that and keep a conversation going). Then, we went out for Chinese food, came back, and went back out later to see Unfriended.
Before we went to the movie theatre, I had to sit with my handicapped sister at a retirement home she was singing at, because family had to bring another family member in a wheelchair and our van only holds one. She came, put up with it and was nice about it, then we went to the movies. But she met some family/friends there, and told me in the theatre that she almost introduced herself as my girlfriend to them. So that started us talking about it.
She seemed really giddy after saying yes, and quickly changed her Facebook status. We then cuddled and held hands during the movie.
electricshake
Member
Oh man that's not good. My bf is moving in with me at the end of June, at which point we'll have been together 7.5 months.
Easystride
Member
Lol, this was good advice, unfortunately. She kept talking about her ex. Seriously, I could ask her questions about her childhood, about her family, and her career, and she somehow found a way to relate back to her ex. Something tells me she's not over him. It's weird because she never mentioned him in our messages. Oh well. I think I am going to go on a bit of a dating hiatus, and just enjoy being single for a while.
Ooh! That sucks man! Mention of an ex/the past is definitely a huge red flag. Hopefully you bailed out soon after she kept going on and on about him. I think that's a damn good approach to enjoy being single for a while.
I think there's no need to rush into a relationship for the sake being in one so good on you for taking that approach. That being said, I don't think that should stop you from casually dating. Regardless of the fact, it's good that you went on it. People tend to be much different in person when you're sitting in front of them so I usually go into meet ups with a grain of salt.
@Chewie, congrats man. Hopefully it all works out for you in the end. It goes to show that if you persist and keep a good head on your shoulders, you're bound to end up meeting a decent person. Best of luck in that relationship.
In case I wandering if the Ukrainian girl was actually interested in hanging out again, she just hit me up.
The German girl I have a date with tomorrow also hit me up. She wants to hang out today in the park since it's so nice out. Thinking about taking her up on the offer. II do have work, but at 11.
Ok, just got done with the date. Iunno felt like there was a weird language barrier going on there. She was cool though. Seemed kinda tense. Getting drinks would prob been better.
The German girl I have a date with tomorrow also hit me up. She wants to hang out today in the park since it's so nice out. Thinking about taking her up on the offer. II do have work, but at 11.
Ok, just got done with the date. Iunno felt like there was a weird language barrier going on there. She was cool though. Seemed kinda tense. Getting drinks would prob been better.
Lesson I learned yesterday - if a girl on OKC likes you, and her profile says she lives 600 miles away, check the "who's near me" part of the mobile app! She might be visiting family near you, and is looking for someone to escape with for a night!
I noticed she was near me the morning after...liked and messaged her, spent about an hour sending messages back and forth...and then she started the drive back from where she came. If I didn't stop messaging her, I don't think she would've stopped replying.
I noticed she was near me the morning after...liked and messaged her, spent about an hour sending messages back and forth...and then she started the drive back from where she came. If I didn't stop messaging her, I don't think she would've stopped replying.
Never heard of it, will check it out
Welp, I have a Tinder date lined up for this week (time not set yet). Looks like your suggestion sort of worked, hah. Though i suppose the fact that we were still talking after ten days says something in itself.
TriangleOfCorruption
Member
talking 2 people on the internet is terrifying
Gray Matter
Member
talking 2 people on the internet is terrifying
Don't get catfished like Manti teo did.
TriangleOfCorruption
Member
more in the sense that i'm not used to what i'm saying to random people on the internet having repercussions. i'm trying 2 b likeable and it's freaking me out.
Gray Matter
Member
It's somewhat the same in person so I wouldn't worry.
TriangleOfCorruption
Member
good to know how real life interaction works
though in my (very limited) experience, 3 minute silences are received quite poorly in real life~
Gray Matter
Member
good to know how real life interaction works
though in my (very limited) experience, 3 minute silences are received quite poorly in real life~
That's true, although you have the luxury of actually thinking of something to text