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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Gray Matter
Member
I know just sending "hi" or "hello" as a first message is a big no no, but trying to come up with something compelling is no easy task.
I tend to start with a question or a crazy statement based on their profile. Cats or Dragons? for example
Gray Matter
Member
That's something I've tried but I can never come up with something remotely entertaining to start off a conversation
http://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/296boe/ladies_of_tinder_what_are_real_first_messages/cihyask
I've tried this with varying success, plus it's pretty fun to make up stories.
Gray Matter
Member
I might try that.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
So I've been talking with this woman on OkCupid for the last two weeks. We've exchanged less than 10 messages total, a couple times 4-7 days apart. When I talked to her years ago it went no where. After how long should I ask to meet up? I don't want her to lose interest again.
You've already waited a very long time, honestly. Ask her out right away.
The whole point of OkCupid(aside from those who put "new friends") is to find people to date.
IMO, don't wait more than a day or two of texting(hell, I'd advise doing it the first day if you've got a REALLY solid convo going).
On another note: my buddy called me this morning to let me know the woman he had been having this crazy rapid back an forth convo with since Thursday night had deactivated her account. He's super bummed about it, as they had started making plans to meet for coffee next week. I tried to re-assure him that maybe she's just super busy with work(she did mention jokingly that he was sidetracking her, but that she was enjoying it).
Regardless, it's a good lesson in not crushing on a profile. Wait until you've had a date(or few) before you start them feels.
Gray Matter
Member
According to OKC, I'm hot! Hopefully it leads somewhere.
User 479360
Banned
Cross-posted:
Thanks for all of the congratulations and kind words, folks. I appreciate your support, and hope for the best for you.
I was happy to see how quickly she changed her Facebook status and how giddy she was about it. However, I wish I could have seen her since Friday night when I dropped her off. We talked a bit on the first date, and she said we could probably see each other a couple of times per week if we were dating, which I mentioned earlier. But I hope that will improve. She's a bit of a loner at times, and likes to watch livestreams and Skype with friends, plus have some downtime. So, she said that she likes to have a couple of days to herself each week, which is understandable.
We didn't text much over the last couple of days, because I wanted to give her that space. But I don't really feel like I'm in a relationship since I'm afraid to text my girlfriend and never know when I'm going to see her.
It's kind of a weird situation, because we were jokingly talking about her temper and how she accidentally kicked her friend in the privates when they slept together, and things progressed. She said, "Who knows, you may end up married to me."
I don't know what to think, and hope things improve, because I don't want to be in a close-distance LDR. There were a couple of other girls I was talking to, but who were at school until the end of this month or sometime next month. However, I decided to take a chance here. I've deleted every online dating account except for PoF -- which I changed to friends and so did she -- because I had made a friend on there. Xpress as well, because I can't figure out how to delete it.
Thanks for all of the congratulations and kind words, folks. I appreciate your support, and hope for the best for you.
I was happy to see how quickly she changed her Facebook status and how giddy she was about it. However, I wish I could have seen her since Friday night when I dropped her off. We talked a bit on the first date, and she said we could probably see each other a couple of times per week if we were dating, which I mentioned earlier. But I hope that will improve. She's a bit of a loner at times, and likes to watch livestreams and Skype with friends, plus have some downtime. So, she said that she likes to have a couple of days to herself each week, which is understandable.
We didn't text much over the last couple of days, because I wanted to give her that space. But I don't really feel like I'm in a relationship since I'm afraid to text my girlfriend and never know when I'm going to see her.
It's kind of a weird situation, because we were jokingly talking about her temper and how she accidentally kicked her friend in the privates when they slept together, and things progressed. She said, "Who knows, you may end up married to me."
I don't know what to think, and hope things improve, because I don't want to be in a close-distance LDR. There were a couple of other girls I was talking to, but who were at school until the end of this month or sometime next month. However, I decided to take a chance here. I've deleted every online dating account except for PoF -- which I changed to friends and so did she -- because I had made a friend on there. Xpress as well, because I can't figure out how to delete it.
What you think it is:
What it actually is:
Everyone in this thread has gotten that. What it basically means is that you're going to see more attractive matches as opposed to less attractive which if you think about it, makes OKC an unfair game for less attractive people. The match algorithm hides the lesser attractive matches as a result. It's an odd, questionable thing but that's OKC for you.
electricshake
Member
Why do you want to message them in the first place? Presumably something in their profile caught your attention so use that as a hook. Variations of hi/how are you/how was your weekend are boring and I always ignored them.
Gray Matter
Member
What you think it is:
What it actually is:
Everyone in this thread has gotten that. What it basically means is that you're going to see more attractive matches as opposed to less attractive which if you think about it, makes OKC an unfair game for less attractive people. The match algorithm hides the lesser attractive matches as a result. It's an odd, questionable thing but that's OKC for you.
I expect nothing to come from it anyway.
Most times is nothing in particular, just the way their profile set up, it gives me a sense of their personality.
ClosingADoor
Member
Let's be honest, 90% of the time it's because of the pictures
Gray Matter
Member
Let's be honest, 90% of the time it's because of the pictures
Well, that is the first thing we see so...
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
So, was reading a profile, liked it, and was going to send a message, when I got to a place that said, basically, "I don't want to meet anybody, I'm just here to send messages." Things like that are usually click aways for me, but I decided to do the total opposite of what I'd normally do, and message her.
Not only did I message her, I directly told her "you're wrong about the messages only and no meet ups thing," and asked her out in the first message. Much to my surprise, she's responded positively.
Not only did I message her, I directly told her "you're wrong about the messages only and no meet ups thing," and asked her out in the first message. Much to my surprise, she's responded positively.
stn
Member
Don't get your hopes up until you've actually had a date. There's a high flaking rate when it comes to online dating.
Gray Matter
Member
I've been using it for a few weeks with no positive results.
It was like that the first time I signed up. Tried again before summer, and got much better results. Deleted it during the winter.
I'm keeping my expectations low. Which I think is a good idea with online dating.
Gray Matter
Member
I kid you not, I swipe right dozens of profiles and nothing. I'm not too upset about it since tinder is all about looks, and there are way better looking dudes out there compared to me.
Gray Matter
Member
I'm sure you're not the first, or the last to make a fake FB account for tinder.
I just found it annoying. So many people you don't really care for end up friend requesting you. I'm to nice to decline friend requests lol.
Gray Matter
Member
Was going to say just decline them, but guess not. Speaking from personal experience, tinder isn't very good. It's all about looks. Unless you look like *insert current teen heartthrob* then go ahead.
Online dating sounds tough.
Ive come to the conclusion I need a cute white blond for something consistent #relationshipgoals #sellout
Had a date tonight, went pretty well though we just made out a bit. She was cool, would be down to see her again but im fine either way. worst part was getting back home cause its pouring and the L train stopped running. kinda buzzed.
I made my new okc yesterday, i use the mobileapp quickmatch thing like Tinder and write to anyone im interested in and match up with. I got 64 matches just yesterday, but only 3 sent the first message. still a lot to work with plenty of qts.
Had a date tonight, went pretty well though we just made out a bit. She was cool, would be down to see her again but im fine either way. worst part was getting back home cause its pouring and the L train stopped running. kinda buzzed.
I made my new okc yesterday, i use the mobileapp quickmatch thing like Tinder and write to anyone im interested in and match up with. I got 64 matches just yesterday, but only 3 sent the first message. still a lot to work with plenty of qts.
Gray Matter
Member
It varies. I have such a bad experience because I'm not as aggressive (in making the initial contact) as I should, plus the low self esteem and other factors.
If you have none of the above you'll be fine.
I recently came to the realization that Asian girls are the only girls I've ever really invested in/had great relationships with. Makes me feel like I should just stop trying to date non-asian women. But in the back of my head it's always like "you never know..."
YoYo Switch
Banned
The weirdest thing is when a girl is asking questions and acting interested, only to ignore the response.
like what did you want me to say
like what did you want me to say
ClosingADoor
Member
Nothing, someone more interesting came along or she just had second thoughts. It happens, don't think about it too much.
YoYo Switch
Banned
honestly the idea of someone more interesting to me is the source of most of my anxieties. I'm supposed to be the best!
Don't take it personally. It could be that she likes beards and she started talking to someone with a beard, which you perhaps don't have. It could be anything.
CrimzonSamurai
Member
Well, I've decided to take the plunge. I downloaded Tinder, OKC, and High There! and grouped them all in a folder on my phone called "Hell."
Now for the hard part, finding a picture of myself I think looks good.
Now for the hard part, finding a picture of myself I think looks good.
Wait, hold the phone here a second. I could have sworn you were asking for advice on a long distance relationship in the Dating-Age thread and said that you're not worried about cheating on her. I'm assuming you threw in the towel and told her that wasn't going to work out that you're back in the game. If so, I saw your inevitable return coming ages ago the moment you asked for advice on it. There's an old saying in Spanish about long distance relationships: "Amor de lejo, feliz de los cuatros." If you're trying to have your cake and eat it too, then that's a whole other ball game my friend.
It's heavily more in the favor of white dudes/being good looking but in the end of the day, it's all about the pictures regardless of ethnicity. It's not tough per say but it is very much a numbers game (some members here will disagree) that it requires a thick skin. Don't go by what we tell you; experience it for yourself and come to your own conclusions. The only way to know is by trying and persevering.
Why don't you post your profile if you claim you have low self-esteem? Maybe that would help or least get an idea of the types of messages you're sending out. And I do agree that summer is usually when all the students are back home looking for summer flings so maybe your chances of getting might be higher as the weather has gotten warmer.
@CrimzonSamurai it sounds like you're already expecting to fight a losing battle by naming the online dating apps folder Hell. I wouldn't approach it with that mentality myself as tough as it is. I would say to try to meet people about your daily life in addition to online dating if you consider it a last resort thing.
I see, it sounded too good be true that she wouldn't give you a solid time frame so I don't blame you from walking away from it. It takes two to tango in a long distance relationship. Doesn't sound like something you would do which surprised me.
Yeah, the time frame was another whole issue. More headache then it is worth at the moment.
On the flip side, got two matches on Tinder.
Are you guys constantly running out of people to swipe on Tinder? I don't live in a gigantic city, it's like half a million in the metropolitan area, and with 40km radius I'm always out of people to swipe. Granted I open to app to swipe several times a day and I've been using it for a few months, but it's a bit strange. Like there should be more people. I suppose Tinder has an interest in keeping you hooked though, which is why it doesn't throw everyone at you simultaneously. If you go by the numbers, it gets difficult to score matches when you're swiping like 15 people per day.
CrimzonSamurai
Member
Didn't they put up a pay wall at 10 swipes/day? How long have you been using it? I think they did that a month-ish ago.
Nah it's closer to 50 likes per day or something, unlimited dislike. Been using it since end of january.
Gray Matter
Member
Not sure if catfish is still a thing, but I think I just avoided being catfished.
User 479360
Banned
This is a tough situation, which is worsened by my newness and lack of experience, plus loneliness.
My new girlfriend is a unique and interesting individual and we have things in common, but I do feel myself being a bit uneasy around her because I never know how she's going to react.
I'd like to get to know her more and more, and be with her a decent amount, but the relationship doesn't feel important to her. She hardly texts, and still has yet to offer to hang out. I've asked and kind of gave up for now. I mean, I know she works several hours a day and has personal issues, but this isn't a relationship.
I don't want to end things prematurely. It'd be embarrassing, but that's not a major reason. However, I don't want a boring long distance relationship with someone who doesn't seem to care all that much.
Why do I think I'm horrible? Well, I deleted every account I could except for PoF (set to friends) and Xpress, because I can't figure out how to delete that and never really used it. I'm still talking -- as friends -- to one girl on PoF, and there's one I didn't delete from my phone because we became pretty good text friends.
I'm wondering if I made a mistake, and I don't want to lose contact with those two in case. But I'm not hitting on them, or talking much, let alone talking about sex.
My new girlfriend is a unique and interesting individual and we have things in common, but I do feel myself being a bit uneasy around her because I never know how she's going to react.
I'd like to get to know her more and more, and be with her a decent amount, but the relationship doesn't feel important to her. She hardly texts, and still has yet to offer to hang out. I've asked and kind of gave up for now. I mean, I know she works several hours a day and has personal issues, but this isn't a relationship.
I don't want to end things prematurely. It'd be embarrassing, but that's not a major reason. However, I don't want a boring long distance relationship with someone who doesn't seem to care all that much.
Why do I think I'm horrible? Well, I deleted every account I could except for PoF (set to friends) and Xpress, because I can't figure out how to delete that and never really used it. I'm still talking -- as friends -- to one girl on PoF, and there's one I didn't delete from my phone because we became pretty good text friends.
I'm wondering if I made a mistake, and I don't want to lose contact with those two in case. But I'm not hitting on them, or talking much, let alone talking about sex.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Very real. I got fooled a bit once but fortunately didnt get very far before I noticed the inconsistencies.
For what it was worth, I couldn't get a catfisher to like me very much either lol. It was funny at the end of it I guess.
What was the set up for you?
I wasn't clear if you ever actually clarified with the girl you were seeing if you were boyfriend/girlfriend or not. How many actual dates did you go on?
User 479360
Banned
Catfish makes an interesting TV show. I need to rewatch the movie, though, as it made me feel so uneasy that I didn't like it. Yet, I like the TV show a decent amount.
EDIT: To answer davepoobond: We went on one dinner date last Monday, then talked in my van for a bit. Then, she came over here on Friday, and according to her we had two dates.
She got here at 2:30pm, and I had to introduce her. Then she read manga and watched me game (her idea), before we went out for Chinese food. Then, we came back and hung out before looking after my sister (who's disabled) at the place where she sang. After that, we went to the movies.
It was at the movies she brought it up. She'd met family at the performance.
I know, it's weird.
EDIT: To answer davepoobond: We went on one dinner date last Monday, then talked in my van for a bit. Then, she came over here on Friday, and according to her we had two dates.
She got here at 2:30pm, and I had to introduce her. Then she read manga and watched me game (her idea), before we went out for Chinese food. Then, we came back and hung out before looking after my sister (who's disabled) at the place where she sang. After that, we went to the movies.
It was at the movies she brought it up. She'd met family at the performance.
I know, it's weird.
Gray Matter
Member
The first red flag were the pictures. You just know when they're fake, and then the messages. It started normal but then she(?) started asking way too personal questions for a fourth message.