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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
User 479360
Banned
Nope. Canada, brah.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Where? I'm in BC.
Good luck, bro.
Gray Matter
Member
So this girl, has only been sending messages in the middle of the night, between 1-4 AM, I can't have a serious conversation like that
Don't think this is going anywhere.
Don't think this is going anywhere.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Have you asked why she's insomniac?
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Why didnt you ask for a number then?
Gray Matter
Member
Actually, that was the last message/question I sent.
I was going to do that after my latest question, it's only been 3 messages from me, and 2 from her, I'm just not going to stay up all night to talk to her when I have to be up at 6 am for work.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Just had a 2-hour date with a really fun girl -- there was chemistry and laughing. We got on pretty well. Ended with her having to leave to take care of a work project, a kiss on the cheek, and her asking, "Talk soon?"
I am used to my first dates spanning multiple bars and involving making out. I realize now that it's not the norm at all. I don't know how to read or assess the date I had last night or tonight as far as interest goes, and I don't know when I should ask these girls out a second time.
The girl from last night said she was busy this weekend, so that's likely a dud, but I'll try anyway. As far as the girl from tonight, when do I ask her about this weekend? I mean, trust me, I'm not gun-shy: I'm just used to more manifestations of attraction, as well as already planning the second date on the tail end of the first one ... which admittedly is hard to do at 6pm on a Wednesday.
I am used to my first dates spanning multiple bars and involving making out. I realize now that it's not the norm at all. I don't know how to read or assess the date I had last night or tonight as far as interest goes, and I don't know when I should ask these girls out a second time.
The girl from last night said she was busy this weekend, so that's likely a dud, but I'll try anyway. As far as the girl from tonight, when do I ask her about this weekend? I mean, trust me, I'm not gun-shy: I'm just used to more manifestations of attraction, as well as already planning the second date on the tail end of the first one ... which admittedly is hard to do at 6pm on a Wednesday.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
well, i have yet to go on a second date with anyone, but i feel like actually having the date should be within the next week outside of any odd circumstances. the amount of texting stuff just depends on you and her i would say. i probably would ask within a few days, don't wait too long.
User 479360
Banned
Note: I don't actually talk like that in real life, but my friend does as a joke.
I'm in Ontario
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I just got home from my first date, which went really well. She's very nice, and talked a lot which made it a lot more comfortable for me.
She's bigger, and bigger than myself, but not super big. Has a bit of an intense personality as well. I at least like her as a friend.
She seemed to enjoy the date, and said we should hang out soon, once she gets back from Ottawa. So, in a week or two.
We went for coffee, talked a lot, then went to see Mad Max. She was nice enough to go see it a second time with me, but said she didn't mind at all because she loves it. I felt bad, but she didn't seem to mind at all.
She was ahead of me in line at Tim Horton's, and I offered her some change, but she wouldn't take it. And I got stuck in traffic (a clusterfuck) trying to get out of the parking lot because so many people were going by/going to Tim Horton's, that she beat me to the theatre and bought her own ticket.
megamerican
Member
That could go either way. Has the post date texting seemed enthusiastic on her end?
If it were me, I wouldn't ask her out again tonight. Likely come off as too soon and too eager on your end.
BIGWORM
Member
Things are getting pretty intense with the Sushi and Spy woman I took out last week. She even invited me over for "Netflix," which I politely declined because I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I'm still playing the field regardless. I got burned pretty good last month by one who I thought was The One, but she had a dude on the side locally.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
No post-date texting. I've only been home for 2 hours, though. I mean -- I'm never concerned about being too eager (I don't like playing by "rules"), so I'll just do it tomorrow. I liked her enough that I'd probably enjoy a second date.
User 479360
Banned
Hunh...the cute single mom I was talking to deleted her profile after just a couple of days.
TerminalDogma
Member
GAF, after months of not too much activity I've got three separate dates in the next 3 days. I don't know how this happened and I'm feeling overwhelmed! Talk some sense into me, dating GAF! The date tonight is a second date (the first 2nd date I've had since trying online dating sites in February) so I'm not too worried there, but tomorrow and Saturday I'm kinda flustered over. Especially Friday, because that girl I almost feel like I'm being catfished! Man, I hope one of these works out, online dating has been a tiring and mostly soul crushing endeavor.
Sorry for the rambling, jusg needed to get these thoughts out of my brain and my roomie didn't seem to want to hear it.
Sorry for the rambling, jusg needed to get these thoughts out of my brain and my roomie didn't seem to want to hear it.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Man, I'm a goddamn modern day Cyrano. Me hijacking my friend's account and pretending to be him has gotten more likes, visitors, and conversations in a week than he did in months.
Did you change his profile or is all of this simply based off of your first message/choosing which recipients are worthwhile?
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I overhauled his entire profile. New username, new pics, wrote everything from scratch. I wrote his life, my words... And some snarky commentary on his life to show some self-deprecation.
Mostly to prove that his negativity was dragging him down, not his life. It is very important not to lie about anything. Everything in his profile is the truth about him. I grabbed pics off his Facebook and my phone. I messaged a metric ton of girls on his behalf, with openers based on what's in their profile versus how he did it which was basically "Hi". I'm trying to show him how to talk to girls online, how to engage them and so on.
It's an eye opener for both of us. I can't get any conversations and likes at all even though my writing and profile are pretty similar. He's disheartened cause he believes he can't speak like I can .
It's an odd experiment. I'm typing up the replies and messages while he's basically watching how it's done.
I think he's learning nothing though.
Blows that pretending to be him is the only way to have conversations on this site at present. I still got nothing on mine. Maybe online dating isn't for me... But I'll keep trying. Maybe the girl in the orange dress is on the site!
Turns out I'm actually good at this though. He's jealous, hahaha
If that's the case, then stop doing all the work for him! Let him fend for himself. You gave him some help, let him do some of the process.
What an interesting social experiment!
I suppose friends do complete each other in some ways.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I've been trying to get him to continue the conversation after I started it, but he does such a poor job of it, hahaha. I'm enjoying talking to people so I'm not bothered. Hope seeing how easy it can be causes his confidence to go up.
Yeah, its definitely interesting to see how differently people respond.
I continue cause I like talking to people but it sucks that no one seems to want to talk to me versus talking to him.
Shrug.
That's the thing, though. They're talking to YOU pretending to be him, not to him. Your friend might be a bit envious of you effortlessly talking to girls while he struggles in his attempts. We all have our challenges!
I hope you take this social experiment in a positive way (girls like talking to *you*, regardless of how you look or who you're pretending to look like, it's your personality shining through)
Woo, coffee date scheduled for Saturday! Her profile was blank, but the "Use their pictures to make up a story about them" plan worked!
Though it is a little scary to me how into me she seems to be. Asking her out was damn easy, as she was dropping hints left and right. "I don't like to watch movies alone because I tend to fall asleep, but I'm pumped to see Jurassic World". If that's not a sign, I don't know what is.
Though it is a little scary to me how into me she seems to be. Asking her out was damn easy, as she was dropping hints left and right. "I don't like to watch movies alone because I tend to fall asleep, but I'm pumped to see Jurassic World". If that's not a sign, I don't know what is.
So I'm probably fairly attractive but I have pretty sever confidence issues. A topic for therapy I'm sure.
I mean, in addition to just being a quiet kinda guy I need my date to play of me. I'm much more reactionary. When they're not I feel like I put them off appearance wise as soon as we were face to face. I mean, is it not true though? I feel like maybe they don't like I look as good as my pictures and honestly I feel like must people don't, myself included. That said if I receive a compliment I'm much more comfortable. The date I had on Monday, although she was playing off me right from the get go she also mentioned how I looked exactly like the hottest gay dude she had ever met. It was confidence booster and it just made me feel more comfortable. I feel like I'm throwing a lot of dates away, like yesterday's. Not sure why this is a recent problem though, I probably look better than ever.
Also for my Hispanic brethren, there's like a surplus of White girls who are specifically attracted to Latino dudes and it's kinda blowing my mind. At least in New York City, anyway. It's like every fucking date, and apparently I'm dropping the ball on most of them.
I mean, in addition to just being a quiet kinda guy I need my date to play of me. I'm much more reactionary. When they're not I feel like I put them off appearance wise as soon as we were face to face. I mean, is it not true though? I feel like maybe they don't like I look as good as my pictures and honestly I feel like must people don't, myself included. That said if I receive a compliment I'm much more comfortable. The date I had on Monday, although she was playing off me right from the get go she also mentioned how I looked exactly like the hottest gay dude she had ever met. It was confidence booster and it just made me feel more comfortable. I feel like I'm throwing a lot of dates away, like yesterday's. Not sure why this is a recent problem though, I probably look better than ever.
Also for my Hispanic brethren, there's like a surplus of White girls who are specifically attracted to Latino dudes and it's kinda blowing my mind. At least in New York City, anyway. It's like every fucking date, and apparently I'm dropping the ball on most of them.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I guess :/
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I think this just proves how superficial online dating is, unfortunately.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
My skills are wasted on my friend. Truly. I'm just as charming on both accounts, and I can easily sustain conversations as a white dude versus being myself. It's annoying.
Within six messages, I got one cute girl somehow to admit she's a virgin and her kinks and such. She's like... raring to go.
And she just told me without prompting. I'm just that charming? She's gorgeous btw. It is thoroughly bullshit that she's willing to talk to my friend and not to me. Totally ignored my message on my account. Been replying all day to my friend's account.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
This is the most compelling thing I've seen on GAF in a while. Keep fighting brah.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I almost hate to ask this, considering it's demonstrably selfish and your situation is unimaginably shitty (and you should really stop with your experiment, because it's just going to make you feel worse), but what kind of conversation tactics are you trying here?
Anyway, and I realize this is no small comfort, but you've been doing everything right, clearly. It's just a matter of finding a woman who accepts you. Then she'll be charmed by your objectively winning personality. Again: those are easy words from yet another (admittedly not whimsically successful) white guy, but take heart in that.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I'll continue for you.
Under my account, I messaged asking if she'd checked a certain show out cause it fit right in the type of stuff she likes. Under my friend's, I messaged about her ability to make innocent stuff sound dirty (lol).
I don't think I got a glance. The worst bit is, she's actually nice to talk to. As my friend. Apparently not as me.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Well the goal was eventually to get him some dates.
But this is just depressing all around. My only possible entertainment now is for him to go on dates and then watch him crash and burn horribly.
Well the goal was eventually to get him some dates.
But this is just depressing all around. My only possible entertainment now is for him to go on dates and then watch him crash and burn horribly.
Have him wear and ear piece while you feed him lines, it always works in those sitcoms.
Gray Matter
Member
I just hate when people take forever to reply, it makes me think that they don't care (which is probably the case) about continuing he conversation. It isn't like the conversation is a dead, I keep it going, or at least try.
It's been 2 days since her last message, like I said before, I don't see this going anywhere.
It's been 2 days since her last message, like I said before, I don't see this going anywhere.
Chin up mate, I know the struggle already of minority folk.
So many non responses
.Although oddly enough, some of the women who do respond say that they aren't interested but that they really liked my approach. Which I find odd, but I guess there are many creepers/bland people responding.
Dating pool is much better than my small town so I keep trying!
Seems like all my matches and convos aside from the girl I met have dried up. The girl who wanted to hang out Sunday night hasn't signed in since then, so I suppose she'll get back to me eventually. Another girl I was having a good conversation with just never replied. I thought I played it pretty smooth the way I asked her number, and to show me a beer garden in Astoria. Guess not, rip.
So uh the girl I seen Monday was like I deleted my OKC account. I don't even know what to say. Feeling me that much? =s. Mind you I had been matched with her for months and I never seen her disable it. D: help.
So uh the girl I seen Monday was like I deleted my OKC account. I don't even know what to say. Feeling me that much? =s. Mind you I had been matched with her for months and I never seen her disable it. D: help.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
My friend wants me to continue this charade cause he says the endgame is for him to make more female friends.
Right.
Right.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
Do you also maybe feel that when you conversing with them you are a bit more at ease since it's not really you? Though like you said, you don't get many replies in your normal profile.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Maybe that's it? I find myself going for broke a bit more as him... but I personally don't see much difference.
megamerican
Member
I think what you're doing is interesting, but at the same time if I met up with someone and it turned out that all of our interaction was actually someone else, I would feel pretty weird about that.
Same type of thing has happened to a couple of girls I dated. Some guy would use model photos only to reveal himself after he felt they had a "connection". One of them was actually pretty freaked out by it, as the dialogue got relatively intimate.
Man that reminds me my good friend just moved there from Brooklyn. I really need to visit again now that he has a place to himself.
I texted the girl that suggested Thursday night a couple days ago about a place for us to go and never heard back. I'm so over people agreeing to dates/going so far as to suggest specific days and then go radio silent. Just say you aren't interested damn.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I'm beginning to reach a point where I'd be glad for him to meet up with these girls and then be completely helpless, especially since he still isn't confident enough to pick up the conversation.
Like, if I walked in, I could be funny and charming, no problem..... well, one problem, ha.
I don't even know what to do at this point. I could just tell the truth. I could implode all the current chats in a hilarious fashion. I don't like the idea of just leaving them hanging.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
Just hand it off to him brah. You know that personality wise, you can compete at the OKCupid level. Props to the Cyrano De Bergerac nod.
Would you mind sharing a few messages? I think this might play a huge part and you might not realize. Confidence and caring can come off a lot with just words.
You are probably taking more risks and don't care as much.
And that is what online dating is all about. You simply can't care. Message girls, be forward, be different, and just have fun and don't care. It might be easier to not care when you know most of these things will never go anywhere, and you don't have a feeling in your head saying, " Come on man, don't fuck this up. This girl seems great, looks good, and has a great profile. Gotta construct the perfect first message. '