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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
That's what I did. The girl is fucking cool and charming, and frankly, the fact that I like talking to her begin to piss me off that she didn't really talk to me, but to him through me.
I just messaged him and told him to talk to her himself since he'll be an idiot if he passes her up. I'm just the idiot that pretended to be another idiot and realized this whole thing is idiotic. What really pissed me off is that I wanted to ask her out. I realized that I couldn't, and then I was just like... fuck this. What's the point? I thought it would be an interesting social experiment, it was, and then the whole thing is just me screwing with myself.
You're right about the risks. It's hard to not care after this debacle though. Such a dumb idea on my part. I've got a feeling I'm gonna wake up to a message where he's telling me to reply to her cause he doesn't wanna fuck it up which is ironic cause he didn't do anything. Literally, I wrote the entire profile for him, I did all the messaging, groundwork, etc.
Though, I felt like even when I was messaging people, I didn't care. I was reading profiles, finding interesting stuff, and asking questions or sending funny comments or throwing out some wit. I was trying to act the same way here.
I can pretend to be someone else better than I can be me? No, me, I'm awesome. It's the world that's wrong.
In the meantime, I've disabled my account. I might go back to it in a bit, but I'm too concerned about constantly checking it and seeing nothing to keep it around. It's aggravating. I'll give it a week, then come back and try again.
Had a date with a cute girl yesterday, only lasted an hour though because she was tired and wanted to go home to sleep. She gets up earlier than I do though and has had a stressful week so although I was a bit disappointed I understood. If I can get a second date with her I'll try and arrange it for the weekend or something so she can at least get some sleep, haha. Not sure if it's gonna go any further though.
Had pretty much the same thing happen last week. She deleted me from Tinder a few days later, even though I had her number already.
NTGYK, what do you think is holding you back for your real account? Your (minority) looks? If so, is there anything you can change/upgrade about your look without changing who you are? For example, can you change your style?
I think I remember reading about a turban. Maybe that's a turn-off to some women. But there's only two ways about it. Either you can get rid of the turban (whether or not that's acceptable to you or not is up to you). But, if your turban is an integral part of who you are, then just own it. All those girls out there ignoring or rejecting you because of it? Screw them, they wouldn't be worth your time anyway.
That girl who you wanted to ask out through your friend's account, but wouldn't give you the time of day through your real one? Maybe she couldn't look past your turban/skin color. Not worth moping about it, she wasn't the right girl for you. The right girl wouldn't care about the turban.
At the end of the day, you are who you are. Some things you just can't change about yourself, and there is no point lamenting about how unfair it is. Change what you can, but for everything else, just own it. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, and only for who you pretend to be, it won't work out anyway, even if you do manage to get a few dates out of it.
I'm a short skinny Asian (but I'm guessing south asians have it even worse) guy. I did a complete style makeover this year, which has actually helped a lot for my confidence. Appaling response rate to the messages I'd send out However, I still got likes and unprompted messages from girls, however. Girl I'm with right now actually messaged me first, because she thought my profile was hilarious and liked what she saw (it helps that my pictures are of me doing various activities - and more importantly - with funny captions. And I edited out other people's face with funny drawings or collage). The point I'm saying is just be who you are. All the people who don't like the real you don't matter one bit. All of those who ignored me? Yeah, it bothered me. A lot, for a while. I wrote thoughtful funny messages, why wouldn't they reply? What was wrong with me? But, that hurt no one but myself. Just focus on bettering yourself without changing who you really. But change/upgrade what you can if it's not an integral part of you!
Actually, I think turbans are really cool. If it's something you don't mind doing, you could roll with it and go all out poking fun of it on your profile. You could call yourself... The Turbinator. If girls see you having fun with it too, maybe they'll be less intimidated by it.
I think I remember reading about a turban. Maybe that's a turn-off to some women. But there's only two ways about it. Either you can get rid of the turban (whether or not that's acceptable to you or not is up to you). But, if your turban is an integral part of who you are, then just own it. All those girls out there ignoring or rejecting you because of it? Screw them, they wouldn't be worth your time anyway.
That girl who you wanted to ask out through your friend's account, but wouldn't give you the time of day through your real one? Maybe she couldn't look past your turban/skin color. Not worth moping about it, she wasn't the right girl for you. The right girl wouldn't care about the turban.
At the end of the day, you are who you are. Some things you just can't change about yourself, and there is no point lamenting about how unfair it is. Change what you can, but for everything else, just own it. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, and only for who you pretend to be, it won't work out anyway, even if you do manage to get a few dates out of it.
I'm a short skinny Asian (but I'm guessing south asians have it even worse) guy. I did a complete style makeover this year, which has actually helped a lot for my confidence. Appaling response rate to the messages I'd send out However, I still got likes and unprompted messages from girls, however. Girl I'm with right now actually messaged me first, because she thought my profile was hilarious and liked what she saw (it helps that my pictures are of me doing various activities - and more importantly - with funny captions. And I edited out other people's face with funny drawings or collage). The point I'm saying is just be who you are. All the people who don't like the real you don't matter one bit. All of those who ignored me? Yeah, it bothered me. A lot, for a while. I wrote thoughtful funny messages, why wouldn't they reply? What was wrong with me? But, that hurt no one but myself. Just focus on bettering yourself without changing who you really. But change/upgrade what you can if it's not an integral part of you!
Actually, I think turbans are really cool. If it's something you don't mind doing, you could roll with it and go all out poking fun of it on your profile. You could call yourself... The Turbinator. If girls see you having fun with it too, maybe they'll be less intimidated by it.
MonorailCat
Member
Every time something like that happened to me I never heard from the girl again.
Hope you have better luck.
stn
Member
I did get the sense that girls on OKC generally don't want anyone religious. Its a turn-off to people because they wrongfully assume the person is extreme, will try to convert them, and so forth. Feels like a losing battle in some respects.
User 479360
Banned
Is Tinder down?
Nope
User 479360
Banned
Weird
I was sent back to the log-in page, and cannot even get the log-in fields to load.
We texted a bit earlier but I don't think it's leading anywhere. Was kinda feeling this was the case though.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Probably won't go down that alley, hahaha. I'm not super religious at all though.
But thanks for the above. I appreciate it. You're right.
I told my friend to pick up the conversations cause I'm done, and now he's procrastinating and overthinking it.
Dope.
stn
Member
You may not be "super religious" but people will assume you are anyway. Unfortunately that's pretty much how it goes, man. The other part is that people using online dating might be looking for a hookup, and they will generally assume that religious people aren't interested in that. Don't let it deter you, just keep at it.
Kid Kamikaze10
Member
Speaking of which, is it ok to say that you're looking more to hookup than to have a relationship?
Because that's where I'm at right now, but I also don't want to be a jerk/exploitative about it.
EDIT: Actually screw that, I'm going to have to be a bit of a jerk about it. Just not enough to outright compromise my personal morality.
Did she reschedule?
User 479360
Banned
My Tinder app seems super broken.
I don't know why I care, though. It's not like I ever got any matches.
I don't know why I care, though. It's not like I ever got any matches.
She was like oh shit. I'm so sorry. I haven't replied yet.
She sent me a pic of all the work she had to do and stuff, but I didn't get it until I had already left. TMobile's network is acting up, getting test late or multiples of the same text. It was going to be a short date anyway so no biggie.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I wonder if its as annoying to women when guys only want to hook up as it is to me when girls are only looking for friends...
Anywho. It seems I have to send out about 10 messages just to get one visitor. I guess I just don't know what to say on this site.
Please get off dating sites looking for friends. Please.
Anywho. It seems I have to send out about 10 messages just to get one visitor. I guess I just don't know what to say on this site.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
I'm going to make an OKCupid profile. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
Zeyphersan
Banned
Congrats! Of all the online sites I tried, I liked OKCupid the best. Well no, I like Tinder a lot since it's simple and to the point, but that's less a distinct "dating" service
OKCupid is great, PlentyOfFish is unintelligible to me. They need to hire a new UI guy
The whole "friends" aspect, especially on Tinder annoys me.
I match with this one person, only for them to waste my time in back and forth conversation ending with "I was only on here to look for a dance partner..."
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Good stuff. May the odds ever be in your favor or whatever it is they say in that stupid movie.
Gray Matter
Member
May the force be with you?
User 479360
Banned
I deleted and reinstalled Tinder yet it's still not working. The spinning loading wheel eternally spins once I click login.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
I'm not seeing any catches yet brahs.
Gray Matter
Member
It's going to be a (long) while.
BIGWORM
Member
Make yourself comfortable. You 'gon be here for a while.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
2 hours and you're giving up already?
User 479360
Banned
User 479360
Banned
That's too bad. Hopefully you'll find someone nicer.
Sorry for coming off salty. I'm just in a depressed mood, lonely and not feeling well tonight. I am, honestly, happy for you.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Kind of in the same boat. I have no trouble getting girls to view my profile; I've even got zero issue getting them to read my messages. In fact, I almost always get one reply. But then, when I offer up a response to that - nothing. It's disheartening: it means that I actually can't hold someone's interest as well as I'd hope. It's bizarre, too.
I had 2 dates last week. One didn't go well (no chemistry). The other went a little better, and although I asked her if she wanted to get together again, she didn't respond to my text. Not exactly heartbroken, but it might've been fun.
...I guess I'm joining the club. Man, I miss being the guru offering advice.
Slump city for anything more than a one night thing and even that. Though I haven't really been on many boozey dates lately
My best friend went on his first Tinder date. He's apparently doing well but he's 6'3" blond hair, and blue eyes
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I told my friend to take over the account.
He's now too nervous to message anyone. The one girl that I told him he should message, she didn't reply after his last message cause... he waited so long and it's awkwardly worded, I imagine. That was the one I was referring to earlier, who was messaging with me non-stop. It's like his anti-charisma is permeating through the internets.
He's now too nervous to message anyone. The one girl that I told him he should message, she didn't reply after his last message cause... he waited so long and it's awkwardly worded, I imagine. That was the one I was referring to earlier, who was messaging with me non-stop. It's like his anti-charisma is permeating through the internets.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
As someone with apparent anti-charisma ...
If you're going to do this, you two should write messages together, so that he learns your technique and understands how to cope with his anxiety. Still, I think it might be unfair to you, considering the state it's putting you in (still think you're awesome, by the way, and there's objective proof demonstrating that).
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I was trying to coach him through text as to what he should say, how he should say it, how he should try to engage with people, being genuinely interested in what they have to say, etc. I think he gets it, it just doesn't fully like, carry over to the real world.
Thanks, lol
So why do you keep the turban? Does it hold significance for you? Or is it an example of your heritage?
Because, quite frankly, you could switch it out from your main picture while keeping it on side ones and no one would notice.
Not trying to be rude, just attempting to understand! It could still be interesting though, in my main picture I have two birds on my shoulders. It's a good conversation starter.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
It's my heritage, man. It's how I was raised. It's part of my identity. It's culturally and religiously significant, yeah, but at this point it's just part of me. Plus, I know I look dashing as hell in it.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
Yeah, I'm just not really seeing anyone I could make some money with on OKCupid. There are maybe like three I would want to message. You know, I'm just ready to go. I've had my Home Alone moment "you hear me, I'm not afraid anymore." I'd face all challengers but there just not much there.
TimeEffect
Member
Can someone judge my pics?
Oh Gaf, today was a day of magic.
First, at my weekly weigh-in, I officially hit 80 pounds lost.
Then I went on a first date with a girl from OKC. Beautiful girl, red hair, career, we match in so many different areas of life. We spent four hours in a coffee shop, just talking about anything and everything! At the end I got her number
Finally I went to the gym and killed my longest jogging duration. Managed 25 minutes before I needed to catch a breath and some water. Might not be the strongest man around, but dammit if I won't bring the stamina!
Sure. PM Me.
First, at my weekly weigh-in, I officially hit 80 pounds lost.
Then I went on a first date with a girl from OKC. Beautiful girl, red hair, career, we match in so many different areas of life. We spent four hours in a coffee shop, just talking about anything and everything! At the end I got her number
and a kiss!
Finally I went to the gym and killed my longest jogging duration. Managed 25 minutes before I needed to catch a breath and some water. Might not be the strongest man around, but dammit if I won't bring the stamina!
Sure. PM Me.
Thanks for the explanation! I can understand how important heritage can be, and I have seen your profile, you do look quite dashing. I believe in your prospects!
Zeyphersan
Banned
Dude. You're killing it, congratulations