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[FantasticMrFoxdie]

"Please Respond"

Like honestly how many of us think this every time we are on it. lol



Feels nice that i've finally been getting a few responses. They seem so short-lived though. Do I keep responding with brief answers or come on strong like i've been doing? When I say come on strong, i'm just giving more detailed answers to things. After I do that it feels like I scare them away and they don't respond.

 

[SRG01]

"Please Respond"

Like honestly how many of us think this every time we are on it. lol



Feels nice that i've finally been getting a few responses. They seem so short-lived though. Do I keep responding with brief answers or come on strong like i've been doing? When I say come on strong, i'm just giving more detailed answers to things. After I do that it feels like I scare them away and they don't respond.

I've actually figured out the reason why longer replies may be turn-offs after a recent experience: if they're logged in from the app (say, OkCupid) then that discourages longer replies, especially if they have many more messages to sort through.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

"Please Respond"

Like honestly how many of us think this every time we are on it. lol



Feels nice that i've finally been getting a few responses. They seem so short-lived though. Do I keep responding with brief answers or come on strong like i've been doing? When I say come on strong, i'm just giving more detailed answers to things. After I do that it feels like I scare them away and they don't respond.

I still haven't gotten any responses but I just keep fightin' like Remember The Titans. I've done in depth research and my tactics are better. Just don't have the moneys.

 

[Jokab]

This girl from Tinder I saw last Saturday is unreasonably excited to see me this Friday. She's coming over before going to a work party that night. She has said a few times already "I can't wait to see you" and "it sucks we can't see eachother for so long". I've actually never had a girl be this on this early, I mean we've only seen eachother once. She's ridiculously hot and funny too, so I feel a bit overwhelmed honestly. I guess this boils down to insecurities, thinking why would she want to be with me when she's probably got a ton of other guys chasing her. Gonna go with the flow though.

 

[CheDominik]

OK I knew why I wasn't interested in threesomes and casual sex. I met this girl today. Went out for coffee, stayed together for 5 hours and made out. The perfect first date, we really hit it off.
I'm overjoyed Online Dating GAF, let's hope it's the real deal after all the clunkers I had lately.

 

[davepoobond]

Girl says she likes dumb jokes on profile. I send her a dumb joke and she says "that's horrible"

Guess she doesn't actually like dumb jokes

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Went on the coffee date, which of course left me confused. We talked for 3 solid hours and, of course, we've got a lot in common. After I walked her to the metro (kiss on the cheek, even though I went in), she already texted me to ask me on another date. (I took care of the check and gave her a slant-eyed "I asked you out, so it's right for me to pay. You can always ask me out, you know" line. I am sometimes smooth.) I agreed to the second date. Still haven't had date #3 with the other girl.

Both of these girls are smart, successful, unbelievably dorky, and kind; they're both incredibly attractive in different ways. The girl from last night's more fun, a lot funnier, and slightly more wild, whereas the one from today seems sweeter but more reserved.

I have to ride this out and see where it goes, right?

Spoiler

It's totally a Betty and Veronica situation, isn't it?

Well, the first girl didn't want to go out a third time. She was kind enough to let me know that explicitly. Also got another job rejection today, too.

It's frustrating how dating and job-hunting are such similar processes.

 

[gaiages]

OK I knew why I wasn't interested in threesomes and casual sex. I met this girl today. Went out for coffee, stayed together for 5 hours and made out. The perfect first date, we really hit it off.
I'm overjoyed Online Dating GAF, let's hope it's the real deal after all the clunkers I had lately.

Congrats dude, and good luck!

Girl says she likes dumb jokes on profile. I send her a dumb joke and she says "that's horrible"

Guess she doesn't actually like dumb jokes

I think puns are hilarious, but every time someone uses one I visibly cringe and am like "omg that's terrible you should feel bad"

Of course usually I'm also laughing at the same time so take that with a grain of salt.

Well, the first girl didn't want to go out a third time. She was kind enough to let me know that explicitly. Also got another job rejection today, too.

It's frustrating how dating and job-hunting are such similar processes.

Damn, I'm sorry. Keep your chin up, there's plenty of opportunities out there

 

[Lulubop]

I have a date later with this stunningly gorgeous girl. The problem is she tatted up, super punk, piercings, etc. Me on the other hand, I'm like super clean-cut and kinda boring. I think she's gonna find me as too vanilla, I mean even on her Tinder profile she says she's just looking for someone who's tatted up to cuddle with and hit up concerts.

 

[Llyranor]

You could:
1) Get a bunch of tattoos impulsively
2) Get temporary tattoos from a cereal box
3) Stop being ashamed of who you are and stop worrying about not being good enough

 

[Lulubop]

No one is ashamed, it's a about being a match.

 

[Llyranor]

Yes, but why are you already thinking about incompatibility scenarios with this girl who agreed to go out on a date with you (based on your pictures, among other things)?

 

[gaiages]

I like option 2, personally.

It'd certainly show you would have a sense of humor.
"Well, you said you wanted someone that was tatted up..."
*lifts sleeve, there's the Fruit Stripes giraffe*

If she doesn't find it funny, she has no humor in her soul

Spoiler

I'm being serious here

 

[BIGWORM]

The VERY first woman I ever messaged just randomly messaged me like a week ago. She was going through a tough time between her ex and mother passing away (I know the feels all too closely). We've met a few times already, play CaH with drinks at her place, and now she's coming over mine tonight. Been pretty great so far.

 

[AcridMeat]

It's frustrating how dating and job-hunting are such similar processes.

Definitely.

I have a date later with this stunningly gorgeous girl. The problem is she tatted up, super punk, piercings, etc. Me on the other hand, I'm like super clean-cut and kinda boring. I think she's gonna find me as too vanilla, I mean even on her Tinder profile she says she's just looking for someone who's tatted up to cuddle with and hit up concerts.

Send her over >_>

I like option 2, personally.

It'd certainly show you would have a sense of humor.
"Well, you said you wanted someone that was tatted up..."
*lifts sleeve, there's the Fruit Stripes giraffe*

If she doesn't find it funny, she has no humor in her soul

Spoiler

I'm being serious here

I agree that's a great idea.

 

[Lulubop]

That does sound like a good idea. I'm not really worried about looks, it's more about coming off as a bore. I honestly think I'm pretty dull. The actual plan is to get a good buzz going before meeting up.

 

[Jhoan]

I haven't posted in this thread for a long time, but thought I might share something interesting with everyone here: the Match group (OkC, Match, Tinder) just bought POF!

http://business.financialpost.com/f...-acquired-by-new-yorks-match-group-for-us575m

IAC/Match Group is on a roll with owning practically every popular online dating website under the sun! Not quite a monopoly on that industry but it's getting there. Hopefully this means that POF gets a website update since the website UI/look in general is fugly. Markus Frind is a very rich dude. Funny thing is POF had its ads on OKC so I thought they already owned but them so I guess it was foreshadowing it.

That does sound like a good idea. I'm not really worried about looks, it's more about coming off as a bore. I honestly think I'm pretty dull. The actual plan is to get a good buzz going before meeting up.

The fact that you're going to rely on alcohol as a social lubricant in hopes of coming off more interesting than yourself means you're already setting yourself up for failure. If you don't like certain things about yourself, then change them or see a therapist about it if your self-esteem issues are that bad. You don't have to travel to the seven corners of the earth or do marathons to be considered interesting.

Otherwise, as cliche as it may sound, if the girl doesn't like you for being yourself, then there will be plenty of others out there. Looks are only part of the equation but only half of it; for all you know she could be trying not to come off as a bore herself or turn out to like say My Little Pony. Remember, you're not meeting your future wife/girlfriend. Good luck in any case.

 

[Lulubop]

It really doesn't have anything to do with not feeling certain aspects of myself, I'm pretty happy with myself for the most part. It's everything to do with compatibility and I think a drink would at least help me loosen up.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

It really doesn't have anything to do with not feeling certain aspects of myself, I'm pretty happy with myself for the most part. It's everything to do with compatibility and I think a drink would at least help me loosen up.

I know exactly what you mean.

You only have such a small window to gauge compatibility before the girl (or even the guy, for the hetero ladies here) moves on to someone else. I'm sure Lulubop is interesting and even thinks he's interesting, but it's an entirely different thing to be interesting on command.

In any case, I feel the same way.

 

[Salamando]

Interesting. Just got liked on OKC by a girl with whom I also heard from on eHarmony. We never got to the messaging part of eHarmony, just the initial makes/breaks stuff. Round 2, begin.

Also learned OKC won't show a notification if someone likes you while your match/enemy percentages are too off. Easily happens if they've answered all of 7 questions. A "ya'll got issues" on tuesday has since turned into a 79% match.

 

[Lulubop]

It's damn near 11 and I'm walking over to meet this girl. Pretty sure she's just looking for action, which is fine. She bad af. Hope this goes well!

Welp that was really weird. She was with a friend who was really drunk and wanted her to take her home. But she invited me to go over to her house later on. Might take her up on the offer. She was alright, pics much better tho.

 

[AcridMeat]

It really doesn't have anything to do with not feeling certain aspects of myself, I'm pretty happy with myself for the most part. It's everything to do with compatibility and I think a drink would at least help me loosen up.

Thinking about it, most, if not all, of my first dates in the last 6-10 months or so that went considerably well, involved having a drink or two to loosen myself up in the exact same way.

Good luck with this chick, let me live vicariously.
edit:

Welp that was really weird. She was with a friend who was really drunk and wanted her to take her home. But she invited me to go over to her house later on. Might take her up on the offer. She was alright, pics much better tho.

Hahaha what a mess.

 

[Lulubop]

Ya she was pretty buzzed too. The whole exchange with her and her friend at the bar was like 5 minutes. Going back home and seeing what happens.

I've come to the conclusion that everyone on Tinder really just wants to fuck.

 

[woodchuck]

Took a 3 month break from all dating. Back in March, I was feeling exhausted from a lot of flaky girls.

I reactivated my Coffee Meets Bagel last week. Have a date set up Saturday. I also met a cool girl at a volunteer event and went out with her last week. I think it's true what people say. If you do the interesting things you want to do while single, you'll meet interesting people.

 

[Lulubop]

Ughh I dropped the ball. Totally hot girl ln the train wanted my number. Why didn't I ask.I'm pretty sure she said we should hang out sometime. She was with two hot friends too.
I'm fucking up

Also that chick like passed out drunk on my there. Shit night. I hate myself

 

[GtwoK]

Oh shit, there's an online dating thread? How did I not see this before?

I need some tips! About a year ago I was very active on tinder and it was great! Had 100+ matches, everyone who I was interested in messaging would respond and I'd be able to have an actual, nice conversation with them! Went on a ton of dates this way.

Just picked it up again after getting out of a relationship, and damn. I've only got ~20 matches,and every time I message any of them, I'm lucky if they'll hold a conversation for longer than an hour or two. Sometime I can get a day long conversation out of it, but then never hear from them again. And it's not like the conversations are going bad either, they go quite well up until they stop responding!

Thought maybe the mindset had just changed on tinder. After all, I'm constantly seeing people not actually interested in a relationship on it, maybe people just used it for shits now. So I signed up for Plenty of Fish.

Only been on there 2 days, but everyone that I've messaged never responds :/. It's a damn shame too, because from what I've seen the overall quality of women is better on PoF compared to Tinder (since they actually seem interested in dating, and will talk more bait themselves, etc). How do I deal with this?

I understand that, from the women's perspective, they get flooded with messages. So much so that they don't respond to only the top few picks, I would assume. So how do I stand out? I've been avoiding asking generic questions (what kind of music do you like, etc) in my messages, but rather making a silly comment or reference to their profile and asking something like "What's the farthest north you've ever been?". Still no luck.

Gaf, what do? Not sure how to stand out, when avoiding being generic isn't doing it.

For reference, I'm 21, in a mid-high populated area, and probably a bit above average looking. I've also got a well thought out profile, headline and all that, and good quality photos of me.

 

[Lulubop]

Damn I need a hug after that one. Essentially throwing herself at me. why was I so concerned that it was my stop?

 

[BIGWORM]

Had the girl from earlier over at my place to watch some American Sniper.

Spoiler

...didn't finish it

 

[woodchuck]

Oh shit, there's an online dating thread? How did I not see this before?

I need some tips! About a year ago I was very active on tinder and it was great! Had 100+ matches, everyone who I was interested in messaging would respond and I'd be able to have an actual, nice conversation with them! Went on a ton of dates this way.

Just picked it up again after getting out of a relationship, and damn. I've only got ~20 matches,and every time I message any of them, I'm lucky if they'll hold a conversation for longer than an hour or two. Sometime I can get a day long conversation out of it, but then never hear from them again. And it's not like the conversations are going bad either, they go quite well up until they stop responding!

Thought maybe the mindset had just changed on tinder. After all, I'm constantly seeing people not actually interested in a relationship on it, maybe people just used it for shits now. So I signed up for Plenty of Fish.

Only been on there 2 days, but everyone that I've messaged never responds :/. It's a damn shame too, because from what I've seen the overall quality of women is better on PoF compared to Tinder (since they actually seem interested in dating, and will talk more bait themselves, etc). How do I deal with this?

I understand that, from the women's perspective, they get flooded with messages. So much so that they don't respond to only the top few picks, I would assume. So how do I stand out? I've been avoiding asking generic questions (what kind of music do you like, etc) in my messages, but rather making a silly comment or reference to their profile and asking something like "What's the farthest north you've ever been?". Still no luck.

Gaf, what do? Not sure how to stand out, when avoiding being generic isn't doing it.

For reference, I'm 21, in a mid-high populated area, and probably a bit above average looking. I've also got a well thought out profile, headline and all that, and good quality photos of me.

Its a shame because some of these girls I've come across are amazing both in looks and personality, and just from reading their bio I feel a connection, but then they never respond, suspectedly because of the amount of messages they receive. I find myself thinking that I would do anything if I could go on just ONE date with them just to kinda prove my worth, haha

If you're looking for a relationship, whether it be serious or casual, I recommend OK Cupid or Coffee Meets Bagel. Also, these things happening cycles. You might have one week where no one responds and another week where everyone responds. I wouldn't sweat it. There's so much randomness involved in online dating.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

I thought the date went well the other day, but she hasn't responded to my past couple of texts, so apparently it didn't go well enough lol. I'm a great guy, so its her loss. I guess I'm not going to learn what "mostly monogamous" means .

 

[Tawpgun]

So I dunno if this thread includes Tinder or not but that's what I primarily use. I have an OKC account, but I find I have more and better looking matches on Tinder.

Im fairly new to the online thing but goddamn its crazy how flakey everyone is.

I was just talking to a girl that said she was down to get drinks and when I ask for her number she goes silent. It's not that big a deal but its been happening a lot so I'm wondering if I should just expect it. Meaning most of my conversations will go dead.

Dunno if anyone has any tips to revive a conversation where the girl never responded back. Not if she NEVER responds, just an actual conversation that went dead. Or should I just leave it?

 

[gaiages]

You should expect the flakiness, sorry bro

Also it's not likely that you can resurrect a conversation that went dead, no matter how well it was going before hand. If you already sent a second sort of message, then it'd be best to drop it... if she comes back to the convo, cool, but don't dwell on it.

 

[stn]

The thing with online dating is that people will sometimes reply even if they have zero interest. Its a combination of boredom, pity, sympathy, and the fact that its so easy to ditch the conversation afterwards. That's why you don't really know if the interest is real until you find yourself on a second date. And even then...

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

OKCupid has broken me......

 

[beanman25]

Guys, what do I do!

First Tinder "date" tonight. Lady seems nice, is cute and all that jazz.

Initially we were just doing dinner and drinks, now she asks if I want to go see a movie at the park after all that.

Should I say yes? lol

I mean, it seems like it'd be exciting.

 

[Salamando]

OKCupid has broken me......

Let someone review your profile. There's not much help we can offer if you don't let us. Plenty of people here have some success with it. If you're not getting any replies at all, you're doing something wrong.

Guys, what do I do!

First Tinder "date" tonight. Lady seems nice, is cute and all that jazz.

Initially we were just doing dinner and drinks, now she asks if I want to go see a movie at the park after all that.

Should I say yes? lol

I mean, it seems like it'd be exciting.

If you're up for it, say yes. If come datetime you realize there's no spark, don't feel bad about ending things early.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Let someone review your profile. There's not much help we can offer if you don't let us. Plenty of people here have some success with it. If you're not getting any replies at all, you're doing something wrong.



If you're up for it, say yes. If come datetime you realize there's no spark, don't feel bad about ending things early.

NtKYbrah reviewed it. We analyzed each other's styles. My style is impetuous. I've seen the other sides messaging game first hand, it's not good. I give it one more week and then let you review.


"If everybody wants you, why isn't anyone calling." - Laura Branigan

 

[beanman25]

Let someone review your profile. There's not much help we can offer if you don't let us. Plenty of people here have some success with it. If you're not getting any replies at all, you're doing something wrong.



If you're up for it, say yes. If come datetime you realize there's no spark, don't feel bad about ending things early.

Yeah, that makes sense. I should be happy, that she requested to essentially extend it.

Hoping something develops from this!

 

[gaiages]

NtKYbrah reviewed it. We analyzed each other's styles. My style is impetuous. I've seen the other sides messaging game first hand, it's not good. I give it one more week and then let you review.


"If everybody wants you, why isn't anyone calling." - Laura Branigan

As someone has pointed, you have quite the condescending attitude about it all in this thread. I hope you don't carry that through with your messages on online dating sites. And that quote is... weird. Women do get quite a few messages a day, so... technically, yes, they are "calling", in that sense. Unless you meant that towards yourself, which would be even weirder.

Yeah, that makes sense. I should be happy, that she requested to essentially extend it.

Hoping something develops from this!

Good luck!

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Has anyone re-activated an OKC profile, and is that better than making a new one? I'd rather not do all the questions again, and my existing profile was giving me good matches until I met my ex.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

As someone has pointed, you have quite the condescending attitude about it all in this thread. I hope you don't carry that through with your messages on online dating sites. And that quote is... weird. Women do get quite a few messages a day, so... technically, yes, they are "calling", in that sense. Unless you meant that towards yourself, which would be even weirder.



Good luck!

You misunderstood my quote, I was referring to myself in that brah. Our messages are good, they are light, funny, mention something about them in their profile and how it relates to them. In real life I am very humble. I'll give you an example, I messaged a girl last night that said in her profile that she will find herself laughing at things hours later. I jotted down a bunch of non sequiturs and said at the end "this won't make much sense now but I'm sure you will be laughing at it hours from now." There was another girl that worked in accounts payable, I had no idea what that was so I mentioned something along the lines of that being a code word for the mafia and how do you get these people to pay up because I have a hard time picturing you with a crowbar and an oozie. There was another girl with a very short profile and she mentioned she has two cats and then a little further down she mentioned she couldn't live without the dog park. "So you're the woman that has been bringing her two cats to the dog park!?"



There's now bitterness involved brah, I want to meet people that respond to the kind of ridiculous stuff I send out. It does me no good to send out hi how are you's and stupid openers that aren't me. Meanwhile I'll just keep shootin' from the hip....

 

[Salamando]

You misunderstood my quote, I was referring to myself in that brah. Our messages are good, they are light, funny, mention something about them in their profile and how it relates to them. In real life I am very humble. I'll give you an example, I messaged a girl last night that said in her profile that she will find herself laughing at things hours later. I jotted down a bunch of non sequiturs and said at the end "this won't make much sense now but I'm sure you will be laughing at it hours from now." There was another girl that worked in accounts payable, I had no idea what that was so I mentioned something along the lines of that being a code word for the mafia and how do you get these people to pay up because I have a hard time picturing you with a crowbar and an oozie. There was another girl with a very short profile and she mentioned she has two cats and then a little further down she mentioned she couldn't live without the dog park. "So you're the woman that has been bringing her two cats to the dog park!?"

*Uzi.

I try to avoid making references to anything too specific in a girl's profile. Who knows when they last edited it and if they remember all of it to recognize what I'm mentioning.

If you want to gauge where you're going wrong, look at how many messages result in views. Very few - your messages and/or pics suck. A lot - your profile and/or pics suck.

Our general suggestions for pics: have at least three. One should show you with other people. One should show your entire body. One should show you engaging in some kind of activity or having fun.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

*Uzi.

I try to avoid making references to anything too specific in a girl's profile. Who knows when they last edited it and if they remember all of it to recognize what I'm mentioning.

If you want to gauge where you're going wrong, look at how many messages result in views. Very few - your messages and/or pics suck. A lot - your profile and/or pics suck.

Our general suggestions for pics: have at least three. One should show you with other people. One should show your entire body. One should show you engaging in some kind of activity or having fun.

Yeah I need to spruce up my pics brah. What kind of stuff do you mention then without referring to their profile? I thought that was a good approach because it shows that you read it and interest in them.

 

[Gray Matter]

That moment when you come across the one girl in high school who you thought was the perfect girl for you tinder profile.

I told myself (around this time last year) that I wouldn't be that guy that's stuck on his high school crush, fuck that.

Haven't seen or spoken to her in 3 years... Let's keep that steak going!

 

[stn]

That moment when you come across the one girl in high school who you thought was the perfect girl for you tinder profile.

I told myself (around this time last year) that I wouldn't be that guy that's stuck on his high school crush, fuck that.

Haven't seen or spoken to her in 3 years... Let's keep that steak going!

Did she reject you before or were you crushing on her without doing anything about it? If its the latter, swipe "yes" on her pic and see what happens. It only makes sense to forget about a girl who you are absolutely certain has no interest in you.

 

[Gray Matter]

Did she reject you before or were you crushing on her without doing anything about it? If its the latter, swipe "yes" on her pic and see what happens. It only makes sense to forget about a girl who you are absolutely certain has no interest in you.

She rejected me, multiple times, needless to say, those were hard times.

I swiped left with no hesitation, not putting myself thru that again!

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Ended up reactivating my OKC profile. Looked at my inbox and man there are a lot of deleted profiles on there haha.

 

[Salamando]

Yeah I need to spruce up my pics brah. What kind of stuff do you mention then without referring to their profile? I thought that was a good approach because it shows that you read it and interest in them.

Fix your pics, pronto. Online dating is inherently superficial, and good pics will make your life so much easier.

As for mentioning, you can refer to their profile, but if you mention something that's too specific and mentioned only once, you run the risk of them having no idea what you're talking about. Like the "laughing about things hours later" story you brought up. The jokes are predicated on her remembering that she has that in her profile. She doesn't, they fall flat.

And as far as dog park lady, you should have simply asked her "What kind of dog would you adopt, if you could?" If she couldn't live without the dog park, and has cats, she likely can't get a dog because she lives in an apartment. If you can show you understand this girl with what little she said, you look good.

Complimenting their tastes is good. Being familiar enough with their tastes to offer suggestions - even better. Except if they mention video games. You should never mention video games. Just asked Gaiages why.

Really though, your time is best spent making better pictures. There are plenty of guys here who've had success crafting a decent form message and blasting it to everyone.

 

[Lulubop]

Still holding that L from last night. I seriously posted a missing connection on Craigslist. That said I'm feeling extremely confident in any date I go on now.

 

[Rest]

Has OKC taken away the ability to sort by match percentage? I can't find it anywhere, and there have been people that it never showed me showed me without it. Most of the changes they've made have been good, but if they're taking away useful functionality I might have to complain.

Edit: nevermind, it's not in the filter section any more, it's now in a drop down at the top of the list.