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[Advocatus Diaboli]

Only one date? Yeah man, keep options open. You could feel like you and the other person had the best time ever, then somehow a second date never happens. Make her your focus but invest time in other girls you're interested in. For the ones you're just not interested in--like the one mentioned above, for example--just cut. Don't feel like you're obligated to meet people, because chances are they don't feel an obligation to meet you. Good luck!

Just wanted to highlight how good this advice is. The girl I thought I had a great date with hasn't replied to my last two texts. The ball's in her court now. It's kind of incredible what a difference a few days makes. I suppose we'll see what happens, but I'm sensing the fade. Unfortunately, I'm pretty positive I have to work this weekend, which means I've got to preemptively cancel with the other girl -- understandably, I think she'll suspect I'm blowing her off, even though that's not the case.

Shit's complex with all the metagames, man.

 

[Salamando]

Just wanted to highlight how good this advice is. The girl I thought I had a great date with hasn't replied to my last two texts. The ball's in her court now. It's kind of incredible what a difference a few days makes. I suppose we'll see what happens, but I'm sensing the fade. Unfortunately, I'm pretty positive I have to work this weekend, which means I've got to preemptively cancel with the other girl -- understandably, I think she'll suspect I'm blowing her off, even though that's not the case.

Shit's complex with all the metagames, man.

I hear ya. Going through the same thing with a girl myself. Except when she texted me back the first few days, she dropped tons of hints regarding future dates. Now, nothing.

Sometimes I think the first date is like a really good game demo. Even an amazing one can ultimately lead to people not wanting the full thing, since you're already sated their desire to see what the game was like.

 

[Jokab]

More likely she's been asked out a lot of times already and hasn't said yes to anyone. Her saying she is scared gives her an out if she feels like she doesn't want to meet up with you after all IMO

I've had that song and dance a few times already

Well it's one or the other. I take what she said as that she's excited but hasn't been on a date in a long time so she's nervous. I like to stay positive though.

 

[megamerican]

Just wanted to highlight how good this advice is. The girl I thought I had a great date with hasn't replied to my last two texts. The ball's in her court now. It's kind of incredible what a difference a few days makes. I suppose we'll see what happens, but I'm sensing the fade. Unfortunately, I'm pretty positive I have to work this weekend, which means I've got to preemptively cancel with the other girl -- understandably, I think she'll suspect I'm blowing her off, even though that's not the case.

Shit's complex with all the metagames, man.

Yeah I don't get why the fade stuff happens sometimes. Had a great date a month ago, we were both into each other, she even flat out said as much. She had to go back home unexpectedly but she was always texting and snapping, even sounded like she was telling her sisters about me. Then like out of the blue ... nothing. Part of me just wants to flat out ask her why, but my pride won't let me.

I've had successful dates since with girls I'm still in contact with, but ones like that still sting because I know there was a mutual connection.

 

[Llyranor]

Then like out of the blue ... nothing. Part of me just wants to flat out ask her why, but my pride won't let me.

Why does the reason matter, it could be anything. She met someone else, reconnected with an ex, didn't like your haircut, blah blah. If you ever asked and she actually responded, it'd just be typical BS like 'it's not you it's me' 'i'm just not ready for a relationship [with you, but i'm probably seeing someone else]' Just move on.

I think girls (and guys) just like to avoid confrontation because it's easier, and you never how the person on the other side would react.

 

[Lulubop]

So I didn't expect to sleep with her but it totally happened. Feeling like nba jam right now

 

[BIGWORM]

So I didn't expect to sleep with her but it totally happened. Feeling like nba jam right now

If you're on fire, you might want to get that looked at.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Yeah I don't get why the fade stuff happens sometimes. Had a great date a month ago, we were both into each other, she even flat out said as much. She had to go back home unexpectedly but she was always texting and snapping, even sounded like she was telling her sisters about me. Then like out of the blue ... nothing. Part of me just wants to flat out ask her why, but my pride won't let me.

I've had successful dates since with girls I'm still in contact with, but ones like that still sting because I know there was a mutual connection.

Yeah, my situation's kind of different -- maybe -- since Saturday night (Sunday morning, really), we planned on seeing each other this Friday. She gave me her entire schedule in person, then I said I'd be free on Friday. How early is too early to confirm? (I realize that there's no "too early," of course, and I hate myself for even asking this.) My gut inclination is to just send a text asking if she's enjoying her week off, but at the same time, I'm dead tired from work and can't really hold a conversation right now.

 

[Lulubop]

In any case, I really like her although she's gong back to Korea for a month+ Monday. I did say I'd like to see her again before, I guess we'll see.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Why they no like me? I made a profile as a girl to browse my competition and....I can compete with these brahs.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Why they no like me? I made a profile as a girl to browse my competition and....I can compete with these brahs.

 

[Afrocious]

I'm kind of reluctant to post my OKCupid profile here for advice. Last time I did something similar to this was on Reddit where I was told my lack of success on OKC was due to me being black.

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/afrocious/

My basic issue is that I can't seem to attract the girls I want to meet. I see a girl who's attractive and into cosplay and videogames? I shoot a message and get nothing. I mean, I DO get dates off of OKC but I'm never interested in them long enough. Hell, I put off online dating for a bit in order to expose myself to more groups of geekier folk, but playing DnD at a hobby shop is a sausage fest.

 

[Salamando]

I'm kind of reluctant to post my OKCupid profile here for advice. Last time I did something similar to this was on Reddit where I was told my lack of success on OKC was due to me being black.

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/afrocious/

My basic issue is that I can't seem to attract the girls I want to meet. I see a girl who's attractive and into cosplay and videogames? I shoot a message and get nothing. I mean, I DO get dates off of OKC but I'm never interested in them long enough. Hell, I put off online dating for a bit in order to expose myself to more groups of geekier folk, but playing DnD at a hobby shop is a sausage fest.

As awkward as it is to say, being black doesn't help you. OKC has done some research here. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/race-attraction-2009-2014/ . I'm white, and online dating sucks enough when you have that working for you. To be in your place, it'd be like playing Bloodborne with permadeath. Still, I'll offer what feedback I can.

- Consider leaving the "The first things people notice about me..." and "the most private thing..." sections blank. Those sections were removed from any account created after august 2014. It effectively dates your profile, and it's not like you were doing much there anyway.

- In your videogames section, trim out the neogaf-y lines. You know what I mean.

- I'd leave out the pic of you with a cigar. Smokers have a fairly negative stigma nowadays.

- Are you still using tortoiseSVN for version control? Switch to GIT. You'll thank me later.

- I always suggest having one pic of you with some other people. Helps girls think "Well at least one person can put up with him"

- Namedropping so many places feels a little try-hard to me. And if someone isn't familiar with those places, they'll have no idea what you're talking. I know I don't. Disregard that if these places are well known in your area.

 

[Afrocious]

As awkward as it is to say, being black doesn't help you. OKC has done some research here. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/race-attraction-2009-2014/ . I'm white, and online dating sucks enough when you have that working for you. To be in your place, it'd be like playing Bloodborne with permadeath. Still, I'll offer what feedback I can.

- Consider leaving the "The first things people notice about me..." and "the most private thing..." sections blank. Those sections were removed from any account created after august 2014. It effectively dates your profile, and it's not like you were doing much there anyway.

- In your videogames section, trim out the neogaf-y lines. You know what I mean.

- I'd leave out the pic of you with a cigar. Smokers have a fairly negative stigma nowadays.

- Are you still using tortoiseSVN for version control? Switch to GIT. You'll thank me later.

- I always suggest having one pic of you with some other people. Helps girls think "Well at least one person can put up with him"

- Namedropping so many places feels a little try-hard to me. And if someone isn't familiar with those places, they'll have no idea what you're talking. I know I don't. Disregard that if these places are well known in your area.

Lol SVN was annoying. I'm loving Git in my new gig.

Thanks for your suggestions! If you got any more, feel free to pour them in. I'll see about replacing the cigar pic with a group photo I can find on FB.

 

[DeadPhoenix]

Welp... I went ahead and made a profile on OKC(after working all night and being so tired I'm willing to say/do things I'd normally be scared to do...). One thing I failed to realize was the importance of the picture. In that I have none and currently no way to make a decent one, that I can think of. The best Idea I can come up with is me volunteering at the library, but I'm not even sure I could convey that in a picture(since my job is mostly working on computers, and I assume sitting at a computer makes for a shitty photo). Also all I currently have to take pictures with is a shitty phone(and a web cam, but its only so portable).

God damn, I over use parentheses

Spoiler

(because my shit is so clever! ...damn you Shael Riley and your great music!)

.

 

[gaiages]

Lol SVN was annoying. I'm loving Git in my new gig.

Thanks for your suggestions! If you got any more, feel free to pour them in. I'll see about replacing the cigar pic with a group photo I can find on FB.

You typo'ed with Fullmetal Alchemist.

For the favorite things list, I feel like you have too much. Try to cut down on your favorite... well, everything except for games. I feel if each list was about as long as the games list, you'd be good.

The sentence structure of this

'3. I'm 420 friendly and smoke some, but usually just socially.'

Seems weird in the context of the "You should message me if..." section. I think it'd flow better if you said, like "You're 420 friendly, at least socially" or something like that. As it is, you essentially changed you point of view in the same sentence. Also, regarding that, you say you're 420 friendly but put Never for drugs. Weed is considered a drug. And do you smoke cigars/cigarettes? That's what most people will assume you're talking about in the smoking section.

Honestly, I can't think of much other than those nitpicky things that haven't already been said

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

This is unpossible!

 

[Afrocious]

You typo'ed with Fullmetal Alchemist.

For the favorite things list, I feel like you have too much. Try to cut down on your favorite... well, everything except for games. I feel if each list was about as long as the games list, you'd be good.

The sentence structure of this

'3. I'm 420 friendly and smoke some, but usually just socially.'

Seems weird in the context of the "You should message me if..." section. I think it'd flow better if you said, like "You're 420 friendly, at least socially" or something like that. As it is, you essentially changed you point of view in the same sentence. Also, regarding that, you say you're 420 friendly but put Never for drugs. Weed is considered a drug. And do you smoke cigars/cigarettes? That's what most people will assume you're talking about in the smoking section.

Honestly, I can't think of much other than those nitpicky things that haven't already been said

Thanks! I pretty much did everything you said. These changes made a ton of sense since I often don't update parts of my profile.

 

[AcridMeat]

Welp... I went ahead and made a profile on OKC(after working all night and being so tired I'm willing to say/do things I'd normally be scared to do...). One thing I failed to realize was the importance of the picture. In that I have none and currently no way to make a decent one, that I can think of. The best Idea I can come up with is me volunteering at the library, but I'm not even sure I could convey that in a picture(since my job is mostly working on computers, and I assume sitting at a computer makes for a shitty photo). Also all I currently have to take pictures with is a shitty phone(and a web cam, but its only so portable).[/SPOILER].

If there's a window that gets nice sunlight in, you could easily get good picture in a library. If you have a pet, have someone take a picture with both of you. Go for a hike somewhere and snap a pic with the view, or a bar/restaurant with a group of people if you can find a booth with good lighting.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

I'm shocked brahs. I get no responses. My username is good, my profile is funny, my messages are unique, funny and engaging. I scouted my competition and I know I can compete with them. It aches like tetanus.....

 

[Africanus]

I'm shocked brahs. I get no responses. My username is good, my profile is funny, my messages are unique, funny and engaging. I scouted my competition and I know I can compete with them. It aches like tetanus.....

Aye, don't I know the feeling. I was shocked at first, given how woman keep affirming that all you have to do is "not say hi" or that they "don't want a creep". Eventually, you realize, it's not you or them, it's the hundreds of other guys (from perhaps hundreds of miles away) simply spamming hi (or cruder content) that is making you lose. Often messages become buried under such drivel that yours is missed.

Do not despair however, when you do get a response it's often a pleasant surprise. For example, some woman I messaged a week ago just got back to me now. I had entirely forgotten of her at that point. And now it seems we're hitting it off.

 

[CheDominik]

Oh man I wanted to quit tinder, but the universe doesn't want me to. It's not like I wasn't getting matches before, but now I get really interesting matches...10 just today, but it still feels like a chore.


edit: new battle-tested opener: What's your favorite kind of monkey?

 

[Rest]

The first message I've gotten in a couple months and it's one word. How awesome.

So then there's the eternal question: Do I try and keep it going, knowing that she's not interested? Or do I ignore it, like I know I should?

 

[CheDominik]

The first message I've gotten in a couple months and it's one word. How awesome.

So then there's the eternal question: Do I try and keep it going, knowing that she's not interested? Or do I ignore it, like I know I should?

I think you should give it a shot, but don't invest too much time or effort.

 

[Llyranor]

The first message I've gotten in a couple months and it's one word. How awesome.

So then there's the eternal question: Do I try and keep it going, knowing that she's not interested? Or do I ignore it, like I know I should?

What's the word?

 

[Rest]

What's the word?

"**shoo"
That's the entire message. Not sure why there are asterisks, she didn't write in any kind of netspeak in her profile, it makes me think maybe it's a rejection, but it's also a direct answer to a question I asked her, so I don't know.

 

[Llyranor]

Weird.

I mean, you could have fun and go on a philosophical monologue on what the word means, but that's up to you. Someone who won't put in any effort doesn't deserve much of yours

 

[BIGWORM]

Started hitting it off with a chick that's into games and anime. Profile says she's "not looking to be a piece of ass," but after texting for a couple of days...:

Her: I can't host. Where would we play?
Me: Well, depending on what kind of play you're talking about, it could be at my place.
Her: Don't act coy. You know exactly what that means.
Me: Maybe I do, but enlighten me, anyway.
Her: I want you to fuck me into next week.

Ooooooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Started hitting it off with a chick that's into games and anime. Profile says she's "not looking to be a piece of ass," but after texting for a couple of days...:

Her: I can't host. Where would we play?
Me: Well, depending on what kind of play you're talking about, it could be at my place.
Her: Don't act coy. You know exactly what that means.
Me: Maybe I do, but enlighten me, anyway.
Her: I want you to fuck me into next week.

Ooooooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Congratulations brah.

 

[davepoobond]

Started hitting it off with a chick that's into games and anime. Profile says she's "not looking to be a piece of ass," but after texting for a couple of days...:

Her: I can't host. Where would we play?
Me: Well, depending on what kind of play you're talking about, it could be at my place.
Her: Don't act coy. You know exactly what that means.
Me: Maybe I do, but enlighten me, anyway.
Her: I want you to fuck me into next week.

Ooooooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

She wants you to initiate sex at 11:59:59 this Saturday.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Started hitting it off with a chick that's into games and anime. Profile says she's "not looking to be a piece of ass," but after texting for a couple of days...:

Her: I can't host. Where would we play?
Me: Well, depending on what kind of play you're talking about, it could be at my place.
Her: Don't act coy. You know exactly what that means.
Me: Maybe I do, but enlighten me, anyway.
Her: I want you to fuck me into next week.

Ooooooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

 

[gaiages]

Started hitting it off with a chick that's into games and anime. Profile says she's "not looking to be a piece of ass," but after texting for a couple of days...:

Her: I can't host. Where would we play?
Me: Well, depending on what kind of play you're talking about, it could be at my place.
Her: Don't act coy. You know exactly what that means.
Me: Maybe I do, but enlighten me, anyway.
Her: I want you to fuck me into next week.

Ooooooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Why aren't you fucking her into next week right now?

Spoiler

Or are you?

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

If I could get a reply it would be one of life's small miracles.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Decided to just text that girl today rather than worry. If someone likes you -- whether it's your friends, your family, or someone you're interested in -- causally saying hello won't ever bother them, and to think otherwise is silly. Brief convo. She hits me up tonight asking about plans for Friday. After initially having nothing in mind (I haven't slept in 2 days due to work), I pulled an improv comedy show out of my ass, a suggestion from the last girl I dated. Locked that down, then nominated a restaurant -- 'cept it was booked on OpenTable. Suggested we just show up and look hungry and I'd be persuasive.

Just need to confirm the wheres tomorrow, but this surprised the hell out of me. (It's less witty-bantery than last week, but admittedly, it's all logistics.)

 

[Lulubop]

Haven't heard from that Korean since I left her house though all I did was send a snap. It's just before we met up shed text me all the time. Am I just good for the D? I'd be pretty bummed to be honest.

 

[megamerican]

I'm shocked brahs. I get no responses. My username is good, my profile is funny, my messages are unique, funny and engaging. I scouted my competition and I know I can compete with them. It aches like tetanus.....

If you're inclined you can post up your profile, it's helped others in the past.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

If you're inclined you can post up your profile, it's helped others in the past.

Nah brah my profile is sound. I've scouted the competition, I made a girl profile to browse my area. I ain't new to this I'm true to this. My shit just doesn't work online. I just need someone with photoshop skills for my profile pic.


And Rithickulos is just about the best goddam name I've encountered.

 

[gaiages]

...Rithickulos...? What does that even mean?

 

[CheDominik]

OK...I was invited to be part of a threesome with two girls. I don't know, it feels kinda fishy. I think I prefer having both kidneys.

 

[Valus]

Nah brah my profile is sound. I've scouted the competition, I made a girl profile to browse my area. I ain't new to this I'm true to this. My shit just doesn't work online. I just need someone with photoshop skills for my profile pic.


And Rithickulos is just about the best goddam name I've encountered.

Just by the way you speak on here I'm not surprised no one is responding to your messages.

 

[Llyranor]

And who the crap needs photoshop for profile pics?

 

[Gray Matter]

OK...I was invited to be part of a threesome with two girls. I don't know, it feels kinda fishy. I think I prefer having both kidneys.

Do you know who these girls are, or at least have had some interactions with at least one of them?

 

[Jokab]

What's going on, seriously? Been on Tinder a good while and dated two girls for a longer time that didn't pan out. Then there was a long dry spell, but now something happened. Last night I was on a great first date, and she definitely wanted another one. Tonight I had one planned with another girl but she cancelled yesterday and we moved it to Monday. Instead a girl is coming to my city to see a movie with friends, and later she'll stop by my apartment. Also nailed down a date on Saturday with a fourth girl. I added a third picture to my profile, it was nothing special. I can't imagine it's the reason, but things are good right now. Let's see what comes of it all.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

It looks like I have a date for Sunday. There are a couple of red flags on her profile so I'm not convinced its a long-term match, but she seems cute and fun. We'll see.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Just by the way you speak on here I'm not surprised no one is responding to your messages.

You've got it! They can totally sense how I act on here.

 

[CheDominik]

Do you know who these girls are, or at least have had some interactions with at least one of them?

Yeah one of them. Went really well. But haven't met her yet.. Have no clue who the other girl is supposed to be. I'm still careful about that stuff, even for hook-ups I propose to meet at a bar first.

edit: Maybe I just don't know how "open-minded" some girl you've just met online can be....

 

[Rest]

Finally I've gotten a half decent reply from a girl. Maybe now I can finally actually meet someone through this site.

 

[Rest]

They changed Quickmatch now, the thumbnails of the next five are no longer there. I guess that loophole is gone.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Finally I've gotten a half decent reply from a girl. Maybe now I can finally actually meet someone through this site.

Good luck brah. Everyone is pulling for ya!

 

[Lulubop]

Pretty sure she doesn't wanna see me again. Really bummed about this one. I thought she was really interested. I mean she took me back to her apt, not even my suggestion. It wasn't like she was any bit intoxicated either. I mean the only thing planned was dinner but she suggested a movie after because she wante dto hang, and still wanted to hang after the movie. She also paid for the food. Smh. I stay taking L's 😞