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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Scully Scully Scoo
Member
*bows
i really need to work on my communication skills
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Not rejected, it's her loss (that's what I tell myself).
Lone_Prodigy
Member
More flakes than a head full of dandruff. I think I should take a break from all this, or at least dial it back.
Different perspective, staircase wit, etc. I wouldn't sweat it: if they find you interesting they'll respond, no matter what you say.
Different perspective, staircase wit, etc. I wouldn't sweat it: if they find you interesting they'll respond, no matter what you say.
Okay, Infinity:
Your self summary is still too long. The first three paragraphs are fine, fourth is whatever (I don't personally like it, but it can stay), the last two should be cut. Well... maybe not cut, but moved to like a different section (maybe with a little tweaking it could be in the 'Message Me' area?).
But yeah, other than that and the fact that you really should answer some questions on OKC (if you don't have a match % ppl will probably think you're a bot), you're doing pretty good.
Your self summary is still too long. The first three paragraphs are fine, fourth is whatever (I don't personally like it, but it can stay), the last two should be cut. Well... maybe not cut, but moved to like a different section (maybe with a little tweaking it could be in the 'Message Me' area?).
But yeah, other than that and the fact that you really should answer some questions on OKC (if you don't have a match % ppl will probably think you're a bot), you're doing pretty good.
Anyone up for critiquing my OKC profile? I just rewrote a lot of it and added new pictures to it since it hasn't been getting much response lately. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/stylusian
Exact same thing happened to me tonight.
"Why don't we check out so and so Tuesday evening?"
"Let's do it"
"Great, how does 830 sound?"
*no response*
I'd rather her just say no from the beginning.
Thanks. I moved it around. I've been slowly answering some questions. I have match %'s for everyone. Went out with a chick from the site last night. Turns out she's a cam-girl on streammate and used to do amateur porn. I mean... I knew she did, but I went out with her anyway. I don't know why. She seemed nice, but the porn/streammate thing is a total turn off. I'd never bring her home to my parents. ¯\_(ツ
_/¯
Thanks. I moved it around. I've been slowly answering some questions. I have match %'s for everyone. Went out with a chick from the site last night. Turns out she's a cam-girl on streammate and used to do amateur porn. I mean... I knew she did, but I went out with her anyway. I don't know why. She seemed nice, but the porn/streammate thing is a total turn off. I'd never bring her home to my parents. ¯\_(ツ
Oh, I forgot that I don't see the percentages if I'm not logged in
My bad.DivineRage002
Member
Refuse to talk to her in any situation. Any time she comes in contact with you, call the cops RIGHT AWAY, don't say anything, just call the cops, calling it harassment. They will tell her to back off, and if she doesn't, she'll dig herself yet deeper.
NYCmetsfan
Banned
Two questions. How should I feel that I had two great dates. I mean really good dates with a girl and when trying to plan the third she blindsides me with "I don't think this is going to work out for me"?
I mean there could be lots of reasons but I don't know how concerned I did something wrong. My instinct is to just move on, no use in getting caught up over it but I do sometimes think maybe there's something I can fix for future dates...
Also I was chatting with this one girl on OKcupid a month ago but got caught up in work and never responded. I just matched with her on tinder. What's the protocol about bringing that up? I think it would be really weird if I just pretend I don't recognize her.
I mean there could be lots of reasons but I don't know how concerned I did something wrong. My instinct is to just move on, no use in getting caught up over it but I do sometimes think maybe there's something I can fix for future dates...
Also I was chatting with this one girl on OKcupid a month ago but got caught up in work and never responded. I just matched with her on tinder. What's the protocol about bringing that up? I think it would be really weird if I just pretend I don't recognize her.
Scully Scully Scoo
Member
my god this is frustrating, im not even trying to date these girls, i just want to improve my conversation skills but im getting no responses. good people of gaff, is there an article or something i could read that would help me get better at this stuff? here are some of the messages i sent, would really appreciate feedback
''Documentaries are so addicting, what is your favourite type? I love crime stuff or anything science related''
''If you were to give me a nickname based purely on my profile what would it be?''
(in her profile she said she was really good at giving nicknames, hence why i asked the question)
''Black, red and blond hair. Honestly can't tell which is your natural colour and I'm usually good at this stuff. I must know''
(she had pics of her with different hair colours)
''I'm not a science student but I am a nerd
Which scientific field do you study? I'm personally a big fan of natural and social sciences''
(on her profile she stated ''i like science but i'm not a nerd '')
''Woah you like to laugh? me too!! we have so much in common, we should totally go out some time lmao
Jokes aside I am an avid documentary watcher, particularly crime. I recently binged on 'Dateline Murder Mystery', great show but I've watched all the episodes now
So what crime shows do you like to watch?''
move on bro, no good comes out of chasing. as for the 2nd question i have no idea as u can see from my post
''Documentaries are so addicting, what is your favourite type? I love crime stuff or anything science related''
''If you were to give me a nickname based purely on my profile what would it be?''
(in her profile she said she was really good at giving nicknames, hence why i asked the question)
''Black, red and blond hair. Honestly can't tell which is your natural colour and I'm usually good at this stuff. I must know''
(she had pics of her with different hair colours)
''I'm not a science student but I am a nerd
Which scientific field do you study? I'm personally a big fan of natural and social sciences''
(on her profile she stated ''i like science but i'm not a nerd
'')''Woah you like to laugh? me too!! we have so much in common, we should totally go out some time lmao
Jokes aside I am an avid documentary watcher, particularly crime. I recently binged on 'Dateline Murder Mystery', great show but I've watched all the episodes now
So what crime shows do you like to watch?''
move on bro, no good comes out of chasing. as for the 2nd question i have no idea as u can see from my post
DoktorEvil
Banned
Don't take it personal, but you don't sound like a guy I'd want to talk to if I was a woman. Being a guy on online dating is daunting unless you look very good, are sending the right signals, or is someone that is a great conversationalist. Sounds like you are 0/3.
Word of advice from someone dabbling in online dating: treat every person as a complete stranger. Would you go up to a complete stranger and ask random questions like you had posted? Generally, you wouldn't since a lot of those questions could be too invasive or awkward. You need to learn how a conversation should ideally operate and build from there, as your current conversational skills might be lacking.
Take this guide on flirting & conversation and internalize it.
Learn about icebreakers that open the lines of communication with strangers and learn to talk to people offline as well as online. Good luck and go out more. Meet people. Exercise more and get fit. Try to be the best image of yourself you can possibly be.
One common icebreaker I'd heard floating around: "Pizza or Sushi?" From there, build a conversation that leads into other avenues.
my god this is frustrating, im not even trying to date these girls, i just want to improve my conversation skills but im getting no responses. good people of gaff, is there an article or something i could read that would help me get better at this stuff? here are some of the messages i sent, would really appreciate feedback
''Documentaries are so addicting, what is your favourite type? I love crime stuff or anything science related''
''If you were to give me a nickname based purely on my profile what would it be?''
(in her profile she said she was really good at giving nicknames, hence why i asked the question)
''Black, red and blond hair. Honestly can't tell which is your natural colour and I'm usually good at this stuff. I must know''
(she had pics of her with different hair colours)
''I'm not a science student but I am a nerd
Which scientific field do you study? I'm personally a big fan of natural and social sciences''
(on her profile she stated ''i like science but i'm not a nerd
''Woah you like to laugh? me too!! we have so much in common, we should totally go out some time lmao
Jokes aside I am an avid documentary watcher, particularly crime. I recently binged on 'Dateline Murder Mystery', great show but I've watched all the episodes now
So what crime shows do you like to watch?''
How many girls are viewing your profile? If there's a good deal of them, it's not your messages, but your profile and/or pictures. If there's not, then it is your messages/main pic/who you're messaging. Or maybe you're just having bad luck. Online dating is a numbers game, and we consider a 10% response rate to be good. And it becomes very feast or famine at that. Sometimes you'll go weeks with nothing, other times you're juggling 3+ girls.
A simple message that works well for me - I say hi, compliment their tastes in movies/music/tv (where applicable), express interest in getting to know them, and ask them a random question. If they're the outgoing type, I'll ask "If you randomly encountered Bill Murray on the streets of (our town), and he asked you to show him one thing, what do you do?". Nerdier type girls, it's "What superpower would you rather have - invisibility, flight, or animal communication?"
Scully Scully Scoo
Member
thanks for the link i will give that a read. in relation to why i am sending these type of messages, i read online that it is better to ask a question relating to their profile
i set the profile up 2 days ago and so far have only had 4 visitors and apparently 2 people have 'liked' me but i have to pay to view who it is, im assuming they are bots and no way im paying. so far i have messaged 9 girls and 0 response
also thanks for the tips, i will try that. how exactly do i 'express interest in getting to know them'? would this be ok ''we seem to have lots in common, think it could be interesting to get to know you some more'
All of these are just personal opinions, I'm sure you'll get other suggestions.''Documentaries are so addicting, what is your favourite type? I love crime stuff or anything science related''
''If you were to give me a nickname based purely on my profile what would it be?''
(in her profile she said she was really good at giving nicknames, hence why i asked the question)
''Black, red and blond hair. Honestly can't tell which is your natural colour and I'm usually good at this stuff. I must know''
(she had pics of her with different hair colours)
''I'm not a science student but I am a nerd
Which scientific field do you study? I'm personally a big fan of natural and social sciences''
(on her profile she stated ''i like science but i'm not a nerd
''Woah you like to laugh? me too!! we have so much in common, we should totally go out some time lmao
Jokes aside I am an avid documentary watcher, particularly crime. I recently binged on 'Dateline Murder Mystery', great show but I've watched all the episodes now
So what crime shows do you like to watch?''
#1. I'd ask what the most recent one they watched was, if that's the angle you're going for. A favorite type isn't too descriptive and you can get a non-answer like, "Oh I like everything."
#2. Ask them something about themselves in a first message. You're the one who read their profile and are interested. That's a fine question to ask in a second message, if it goes well.
#3. "I must know." can be read in a negative way as a first message. It's totally minor but keep it in mind.
#4. Don't start a message with self depreciation. You want to be confident in your message, that's how you'll attract responses. The fact she said she's not a nerd means she's insecure about it. I get what you're trying to do but not in this situation.
#5. Jokes aside I'm an avid documentary fan as well... drop the
. They've probably gotten the laugh line a ton of times before so I wouldn't use it.That said, it's good you're varying your approach in messages. I don't buy that you should have one message template that you use if you're interested in someone, but it works for others.
If you have questions go for it. Oh and yeah, online dating is stupid superficial so have good pics up.
DoktorEvil
Banned
One way to boost your profile to more eyes is to answer the underlying questionnaire that accompanies most online dating sites. OK Cupid has an extensive one. Sit down for 30-45 minutes and just spend time answering as many questions as possible. That'll help you boost your profile.
And as much as those profiles are filled with information, they aren't very helpful as far as asking icebreaking questions. Most women forget what they even put in their profile and just become frustrated with the never ending stream of guys that message them to have sex.
If a girl's visit lines up timewise with when you were liked, that was likely the girl who liked you. If you're on the desktop website, I believe you can check the pages source code to get their username as well. In chrome, it's just right-click "View page source". The info should/might be in the section titled "leaderboard_container".
And if it's anything like my profile, the girl wasn't a bot, just from the Philippines.
I typically just end my first message with something like "If you're up for it, I'd be very interested in getting to know you!" and follow up with a question. If nothing else, I like subtly pointing out that I know the difference between your and you're...
Scully Scully Scoo
Member
awesome! thanks for your input
yeah i should answer more of those quentionnaire, only done about 70. thanks mate
that method didnt work but if i found https://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/comments/2coe04/is_there_a_way_to_see_who_likes_you_without/, its more long winded but beats paying. 1 of the girl who liked my profile actually popped up instantly when i went to browse quick match anyway, the other i think is a bot because nothing came up in search for that username. also i just got a message back from one of the girls.
i will mostly use your message template from now on, thanks
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Some people don't use online dating sites for, well, dating. Some are content to just answer whatever questions you throw their way until you ask to swap names/numbers or meet up. I have never had a girl say "I'd rather talk on here for now" and then later say "okay let's meet up".
Personally I think my pictures and profile are pretty good so my message is usually more of a "hey look at me" than anything long-winded or meaty.
Personally I think my pictures and profile are pretty good so my message is usually more of a "hey look at me" than anything long-winded or meaty.
I only deleted my OKC profile once out of frustration/jealousy because I was baffled that my brother had gotten messages out of the blue more often than me. Since then, things have evened out and I no longer get mad. However, this latest profile I've had for about 3 years give or take has a mod status so i don't see myself deleting it. When I reactivated it back in June, I overhauled the old information and put new pictures and that was that. Your call there to make buddy so go with your gut/whatever feels right.
Holy crap man! You're basically a disciplined version of where I want to be with a stable job supporting you included. I haven't been rigid with myself doing art for at least an hour a day lately but I usually draw people in public whenever I go out. Having seen your stuff (I mostly lurk in all the art threads), it shows how dedicated you are.
That being said, I think your profile is pretty damn solid. I see a bit of a resemblance to Jason Statham in his younger days. I'll be gleaning a few little things from your profile and incorporating them into mines such as including an album full of some artwork to talk the talk and walk the walk.
Your main picture is okay but doesn't really do anything for me. Maybe someone else might disagree but I think the last picture of you is kinda goofy but works a main picture. As someone who also hits the gym regularly that it shows, I would say to nix the mirror shot of yourself flexing. I think there's plenty of ways you can show that you're in shape without resorting to that. However, the mirror shot would attract girls that are down for something more casual if that's what you're looking for. I know for sure that girls would gobble it up on Tinder.
And personally, I would nix the video games section but keep that you're good at Smash Bros or add in Mario Kart since that a lot in girls' profiles seeing that it has more of a universal appeal. I understand it's a huge part of who you are but I would reveal that stuff on a date.
Had the same thing happen to me last week and I'm pretty sure it's going to happen again this week because a cosplaying girl I arranged to hang out with last week told me that there's a 62% chance she might be able to hang out this Thursday night because of work. I'm not holding my breath at all to be honest.
Plus she told me she's going to be traveling to Bermuda for 8 days in two weeks. It seems that the travel bug is hitting the online dating scene hard these days since nearly every girl I talk to is either out of town or going to be out of town. =/
So I offered to play Romeo for my friend and took over his PoF profile/message girls on his behalf. It's been fun although he has an upward hill battle ahead of him considering that he's average height/short at 5''8 and he looks average for an Asian dude plus doesn't really have a good sense of style that he wears nerdy clothes. If anyone wants to take a look, PM me so I can give him some feedback.
I realized that he doesn't have any pictures where he smiles on his Facebook page. Since he has a dog, I told him to take a picture with it. I think it's not going to work out for him very well that I told him to consider joining a few meetup.com groups and check out Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. Plus he has self-defeatist attitude about it such as saying that no one wants to date him.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
1. Change picture. It looks weird. No. 2 is much better but still, take a better, more casual one. You aren't ugly and are in decent looking shape. Can do better.
2. Delete the ' writing a self summary is like blah blah'. Either commit to the concept or don't do it.
3. The Netflix detail is weird and unnecessary. Frame it in a way that is more positive. HAS ONE NETFLIX VOUCHER TO REDEEM FOR ONE LUCKY LADY COULD THAT BE YOU? MESSAGE AND FIND OUT. Sorry, just getting in to a hype man mood.
4. Just don't put anything in the 'typical Friday night' box if you have nothing to say
5. Cut down the damn you should message me if section. I feel this is a place to leave a little joke. But I do like the idea of emphasising your fitness - put it as a cheeky sort of warning?
6. Generally - more concise and fewer smilies.
So that chick I went out on a date with, the one that used to do porn and her job being a streammate 'cam girl' keeps complimenting me on how handsome I am. Nice of her, boosts of confidence are always nice. I get this feeling she really likes me though. I made it pretty clear to her that I'm not looking for anything serious (not with someone in her line of work, though I didn't specifically say that. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings). I'm getting the vibe that she really wants something more. Meh
Guh, I feel stuck in a nasty cycle. My desire for a "win" is pushing me to pursue ladies with whom I know there's no interest (either incoming or outgoing), which ultimately results in a fail, which only creates that more of a thirst for a win. And that just sounds like the definition of desperate.
...win what?
At this point I'd consider a successful second date as a win.
'Course, the truth is this is just one of many problems, and my time would be better spent fixing them.
Punched up the profile a little bit. Anything blatantly wrong with it? https://www.okcupid.com/profile/RandomSparks
I wouldn't use the sky diving pic as the main one. Use something that shows your face.
What's one of your problems? Not getting successful 2nd dates?
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Help gaf. I got message from my best friend saying that this cute girl wants to "fuck my brains out", and wants to "ride my smile into the sunset" lol. This is all supposed to happen on Saturday night.. It came out of nowhere on monday. I wasn't sure whether I should hit her up immediately after that so I waited. She just messaged me like an hour ago and I didn't see it until just now. She said "Sup kid". I can't think of a clever line to come back at it to make things not weird as fuck..
I was real close to sending her this gif.. with the message "hey"
So clearly I need help.
Edit: I'm not 100% sure she knows what my friend told me..
I was real close to sending her this gif.. with the message "hey"
So clearly I need help.
Edit: I'm not 100% sure she knows what my friend told me..
Umm duder, she's interested and your friend is extending you an olive branch so that you make olive oil out of it. Talk to her like a human being, not like like it's the internet. Just go with "Hey how's your been Wednesday going?"Help gaf. I got message from my best friend saying that this cute girl wants to "fuck my brains out", and wants to "ride my smile into the sunset" lol. This is all supposed to happen on Saturday night.. It came out of nowhere on monday. I wasn't sure whether I should hit her up immediately after that so I waited. She just messaged me like an hour ago and I didn't see it until just now. She said "Sup kid". I can't think of a clever line to come back at it to make things not weird as fuck..
I was real close to sending her this gif.. with the message "hey"
So clearly I need help.
Edit: I'm not 100% sure she knows what my friend told me..
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Ok so "Shiiit, chillin.. What's the haps?"
More like an inability to find something like I had with a girl back in February and lost. Having someone that into you before, and being unable to secure so much as a second date since, just doesn't feel good. And before you ask, the reason we broke up - she was confused about what she wanted, I overthought things and got scared.
Yeah, whatever your version of that is. Be cool about it, lead it into an organic conversation and then eventually suggest meeting up. If the Saturday encounter gets brought up, then there you go.
EDIT
Salamando, I know that feel bro. I've yet to make it to a 3rd date with one girl. Stuck on that one date wonder. Only went on two dates with one girl last year and that was it.Dunno if you managed to avoid my bullshit threads from last year, but I've come to terms with waiting on that. My ex and I were so insanely comfortable with each other, it feels like that'll never happen again. I tell you what though, it sure as shit wont happen if you keep worrying about it. Just go with the flow.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Yeah, whatever your version of that is. Be cool about it, lead it into an organic conversation and then eventually suggest meeting up. If the Saturday encounter gets brought up, then there you go.
EDIT
Is it bad if I wait until tomorrow? If I reply now, I'm gonna have to end the convo early because have work early.
Yeah I'll wait.
This is just tough for me because I've never had a girl say some shit like this before I'm really familiar with her. I mean we're sort of cool, but I don't even have her number, lol.
I think that's what I'm coming to terms with. Trying to somehow force connections just hurts you further and wastes your time.
I just hit a low point these past 48 hours. I had very good reason to believe this girl was a lesbian, yet I was still trying to further date her. Seriously, what the hell was I thinking?
Forcing it will not make it work. Just chill out, relax. No rush.
Benzychenz
Member
Tinder convo
Me: abcefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
Her: what if I wanted the d now?
Where do I go from here? I have everything but the d, I don't know what to do
Me: abcefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
Her: what if I wanted the d now?
Where do I go from here? I have everything but the d, I don't know what to do
Why are you checking her page? I remember you saying her stuff wouldn't pop up on your feed, so wouldn't you have to actually go to her page to see it reactivated? (Legit question, I am dumb in the way of FB)
Also, now that it's reactivated, wouldn't now be a good time to block it?
Tinder convo
Me: abcefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
Her: what if I wanted the d now?
Where do I go from here? I have everything but the d, I don't know what to do
Well I assume you said that because you wanted a response like that...? I mean, it's the perfect set up and all.
I'd personally be a smartass and just send 'd', but if you actually, ya know, want to have a fling, ask her where she'd like to meet up.
And if you don't want flings, don't send messages that elicit responses like that
DoktorEvil
Banned
Tinder convo
Me: abcefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
Her: what if I wanted the d now?
Where do I go from here? I have everything but the d, I don't know what to do
Can I steal this icebreaker? That's a new one.
Benzychenz
Member
Well I assume you said that because you wanted a response like that...? I mean, it's the perfect set up and all.
I'd personally be a smartass and just send 'd', but if you actually, ya know, want to have a fling, ask her where she'd like to meet up.
And if you don't want flings, don't send messages that elicit responses like that
Yes I said it because I wanted a response like that haha
Go for it, I stole it from someone else.
Yes I said it because I wanted a response like that haha
Go for it, I stole it from someone else.
Then go and get hooked up, bruh
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Every relationship you have and every person you meet will be different. Take some time to yourself and make sure you're "ready" before getting back out there.
You go and give it to them, Duh.Tinder convo
Me: abcefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
Her: what if I wanted the d now?
Where do I go from here? I have everything but the d, I don't know what to do
This is genius though I hadn't thought of using it for tinder.
It doesn't pop up on my feed, but her name shows up on my 'life events' page if her profile is active. "____ & ____ are in a relationship, July 2013" along with other things, like being born, starting college, graduating, etc. I could block her... but I wont, not unless she posts something or updates her profile in some way (that's the only way she'd pop up in my feed). Otherwise she's just laying low essentially.
Ah, I see. Interesting, I never realized that (my ex never goes on FB).
But I still don't understand why you don't block her. Better safe than sorry, right? And I mean, even though she only popped in your Life Events, you still bothered to check her profile and see if her stuff with you in it is still up, even though you said you wouldn't already. Or checked your own profile and looked at the photos you were tagged in section (which you can easily remove from your timeline... which I just learned and am about to do
).I understand you're sentimental, but the second she decides to update her Facebook and either remove your stuff or add some new bf's stuff it's gonna wreck you. Why would you put yourself through that when you can stop it before it starts?
Ah, I see. Interesting, I never realized that (my ex never goes on FB).
But I still don't understand why you don't block her. Better safe than sorry, right? And I mean, even though she only popped in your Life Events, you still bothered to check her profile and see if her stuff with you in it is still up, even though you said you wouldn't already. Or checked your own profile and looked at the photos you were tagged in section (which you can easily remove from your timeline... which I just learned and am about to do
I understand you're sentimental, but the second she decides to update her Facebook and either remove your stuff or add some new bf's stuff it's gonna wreck you. Why would you put yourself through that when you can stop it before it starts?
I see what you mean. Considering this happened weeks ago & she didn't change a thing, I kind of don't expect it to happen here. She's fully aware she is my friend on FB (along with my mom, my cousins, & my friends). She knows that once she updates anything on her profile it will show up in our feeds. Considering she's 'laying low' & not updating/posting, I don't expect anything to happen. I figure if she does update stuff, she'd delete us first.