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[stn]

I've never kissed a girl on a first date, ever. I'm pretty damn shy with that. Besides, this girl I'm meeting up with on Tuesday straight up told me (we agreed on this, actually) that we'd be meeting as friends and seeing where it goes from there. Nothing like a "date" per-say. So I don't think leaning in for a kiss is necessary/appropriate.

Unless you actually want to have her as a friend, you need to make it clear that you want to date. Don't let someone else decide stuff for you. Besides, girls will respect you more when they see that you're clear with what you want. You're allowing yourself to have a "not a date per say" because of her discomfort or lack of genuine interest. Don't fall into the trap!

 

[Assanova]

I think that I've got this whole thing figured out. At least in my area, the best strategy seems to be to sign up for the shortest subscription package. Almost every girl that is actually interested in going out on a date will message or show interest in you within a week. Every attractive girl after that is either new and interested until she sees that she has a sea of men to choose from, or it is a girl just looking for attention.

I purposely stayed off of OKC for this very reason. I was saving it until my POF and Match dates came to a trickle; My Match subscription actually already ended. I have yet to set up a date with a girl that I wasn't in contact with within the first week and a half. I'm getting a lot of interest and messages, but they are almost all from women new to POF, or from women that don't usually follow-up after a message or two. I notice most of those women from when I was on there a few months ago.

The good news is that I still have a bunch of dates set-up or in the works from that first batch of women that showed interest. It seems like the best strategy is to date a woman for 2-3 months, and then if that doesn't work out, get back online once a nice group of women have built up that are actually interested in going out on dates versus seeking attention and getting stuck with analysis paralysis due to the sheer number of men to choose from.

 

[Llyranor]

It seems like the best strategy is to date a woman for 2-3 months, and then if that doesn't work out, get back online once a nice group of women have built up that are actually interested in going out on dates versus seeking attention and getting stuck with analysis paralysis due to the sheer number of men to choose from.

Haha that's too meta. Like min-maxing an RPG

 

[Assanova]

Haha that's too meta. Like min-maxing an RPG

You know it.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

I've got butterflies in my stomach. Happened to be on Thursday at work, too. It was so bad to the point where I felt lethargic and didn't feel like working. I'm being serious, I felt like I didn't have any energy in me.

The issue is the perception vs reality when it comes to online dating. You see each other in real life, and the attraction may be quickly lost.

She's 35 and I'm 33, and I really don't date women older than me. I'd like to date someone in their mid to late 20s. But on the other hand, we share a lot of the same hobbies.

 

[Palpable]

Unless you actually want to have her as a friend, you need to make it clear that you want to date. Don't let someone else decide stuff for you. Besides, girls will respect you more when they see that you're clear with what you want. You're allowing yourself to have a "not a date per say" because of her discomfort or lack of genuine interest. Don't fall into the trap!

I feel like I kind of screwed that up when asking her what she wanted out of tinder. She simply said she didn't want to jump into anything, which I agree with, but I brought up the friends thing. Maybe I was too nervous or unsure whether she would accept my invite to go out if it was more of a 'date'. Shit.

 

[Jokab]

I feel like I kind of screwed that up when asking her what she wanted out of tinder. She simply said she didn't want to jump into anything, which I agree with, but I brought up the friends thing. Maybe I was too nervous or unsure whether she would accept my invite to go out if it was more of a 'date'. Shit.

Asking what someone wants from Tinder is never a good idea. Newflash for you and everyone else: people are on Tinder either to hook up or to find a relationship (or just attention, but that's a separate issue). No one is there for friendship.

 

[Llyranor]

Wait, did you friendzone yourself?

'Do you want to go on a date?' 'I'm not sure' = means no.

'I'd rather go out as friends'. I mean, sure, if you're actually fine with being friends (and I mean, actually FINE), go ahead. But don't go into it with the friends angle and hope that if you put in enough 'nice guy' points she'll eventually realize how great you are and fall in love with you.

As poster above said, no one is on these dating sites for friendships.

 

[gaiages]

Fair enough, but I still think limiting yourself is no bueno. I can't necessarily understand the lack of interest in sex, as it is one of the highest forms of intimacy/love between two people that love one another. Unless something traumatic happened, I find it hard to understand the lack of interest.

Some people are just asexual. *shrug* Many people need a physical connection as well as a mental one, but some only yearn for and need the mental connection, and that's fine. My own sex drive is on the lower side, and while I'm certainly not asexual, I can at least understand where she's coming from.

 

[Palpable]

Asking what someone wants from Tinder is never a good idea. Newflash for you and everyone else: people are on Tinder either to hook up or to find a relationship (or just attention, but that's a separate issue). No one is there for friendship.

Wait, did you friendzone yourself?

'Do you want to go on a date?' 'I'm not sure' = means no.

'I'd rather go out as friends'. I mean, sure, if you're actually fine with being friends (and I mean, actually FINE), go ahead. But don't go into it with the friends angle and hope that if you put in enough 'nice guy' points she'll eventually realize how great you are and fall in love with you.

As poster above said, no one is on these dating sites for friendships.

Yep, I think I friendzoned myself. Though, ever since she gave me her number and we've been texting, she hasn't been on tinder. Dunno if that means anything. Quote to reveal the transcript between her and I on the whole "going out" thing.

Some people are just asexual. *shrug* Many people need a physical connection as well as a mental one, but some only yearn for and need the mental connection, and that's fine. My own sex drive is on the lower side, and while I'm certainly not asexual, I can at least understand where she's coming from.

I suppose so. It's just difficult for me to understand is all.

 

[Lulubop]

Was it for netflix and chill?

An old fashion 4am booty call I reckon.

That happen to me before. Got matched, and she told me to come to her dorm. Which was a good 2 hours away and in Jersey (I live in NYC). It was late at night. No way I was going.

Yea, she lived just a few blocks away tho. I might actually have a date tonight but if that doesn't pan out I hope she hits me up again.

 

[Llyranor]

Oh crap, you're the one who initiated the 'friends first' approach.

Dude.....

You can still salvage this. Go on the play-date, and if you still like her and think she likes you, ask her out on a real date.

 

[Palpable]

An old fashion 4am booty call I reckon.

That's essentially what netflix and chill means lol

Oh crap, you're the one who initiated the 'friends first' approach.

Dude.....

You can still salvage this. Go on the play-date, and if you still like her and think she likes you, ask her out on a real date.

I dunno what the hell I was thinking when I said all that. I hope it is salvageable. Shit.

 

[Jokab]

Yep, I think I friendzoned myself. Though, ever since she gave me her number and we've been texting, she hasn't been on tinder. Dunno if that means anything. Quote to reveal the transcript between her and I on the whole "going out" thing.





I suppose so. It's just difficult for me to understand is all.

Why did you say you want to be friends first when that is in fact not what you want (from what I've gathered)? You don't have to say "I want someone to spend the rest of my life with", but with this you're just lying to both yourself and her.

 

[Lulubop]

I know what Netflix and Chill mean, but that involves some actual chilling and maybe some actual Netflix before hand.

 

[Palpable]

Why did you say you want to be friends first when that is in fact not what you want (from what I've gathered)? You don't have to say "I want someone to spend the rest of my life with", but with this you're just lying to both yourself and her.

I have no excuse here. It's because I'm an idiot.

 

[Llyranor]

I dunno what the hell I was thinking when I said all that. I hope it is salvageable. Shit.

I mean, I think I understand why you did it (going out as friends is less intimidating than a date, thus less likely to be rejected - or something), but you need to realize it's counterproductive.

You need to be more confident, or to fake confidence. By being bold, you show that you are able to express what you want without being wishy-washy, and are not afraid of rejection; this is an attractive trait.

 

[stn]

I feel like I kind of screwed that up when asking her what she wanted out of tinder. She simply said she didn't want to jump into anything, which I agree with, but I brought up the friends thing. Maybe I was too nervous or unsure whether she would accept my invite to go out if it was more of a 'date'. Shit.

IMO, here's a survival guide I like to follow when texting online:

1. Never ask why the person is there or how they have found the service. Its lame and generally awkward. Nobody wants to admit they're single and looking for someone.

2. Never suggest "as friends" if you're trying to date the girl. If she pushes "as friends" then just bow out and move on. Unless you actually are okay with just being her friend.

3. Don't get personal over convo. Keep it light, humorous, and flirty. Avoid deep and complex subjects. Save that for when you truly know the girl.

Note: you're not guilty of #3, I'm just including it because I think its wise. Try to make every interaction fun and even a bit spontaneous. Also, here's a positive thing that all dudes seem to forget: you're online. That means you don't have to reply immediately.

Feel free to take a break and then come back later. Instead of running through the motions with long convos, use short-and-sweet messages. Then, give your number when you feel you've piqued her interest.

If she agrees, great; if not, she's not going to meet you, anyway. You are better off taking a chance and leading, as opposed to waiting for a really good moment. Its also a good way to develop natural instinct towards all this.

Again, most of these ideas are just me speaking out loud.

EDIT: Read some of the above replies. Agree completely. Do not suggest "friends" for any reason other than actually wanting to be friends. Be bold and go for what you want. If you fail, who gives a fuck. People get rejected every day. It definitely sucks but there are much more important things to worry about.

 

[Palpable]

I mean, I think I understand why you did it (going out as friends is less intimidating than a date, thus less likely to be rejected - or something), but you need to realize it's counterproductive.

You need to be more confident, or to fake confidence. By being bold, you show that you are able to express what you want without being wishy-washy, and are not afraid of rejection; this is an attractive trait.

I think your reasoning is spot-on. She seems really nice, intelligent, pretty, etc. & I think I was worried about slipping up. I shouldn't have been, to say the least. Her bio says something along the lines of "teacher. mom life. hopeless romantic". From all the texting we've done, I can already tell she is someone I'd get along with. She's very cool & down to earth. Only thing I was a bit iffy on was her having a kid, but in the grand scheme of things I think it isn't that big of a deal.

IMO, here's a survival guide I like to follow when texting online:

1. Never ask why the person is there or how they have found the service. Its lame and generally awkward. Nobody wants to admit they're single and looking for someone.

2. Never suggest "as friends" if you're trying to date the girl. If she pushes "as friends" then just bow out and move on. Unless you actually are okay with just being her friend.

3. Don't get personal over convo. Keep it light, humorous, and flirty. Avoid deep and complex subjects. Save that for when you truly know the girl.

Note: you're not guilty of #3, I'm just including it because I think its wise. Try to make every interaction fun and even a bit spontaneous. Also, here's a positive thing that all dudes seem to forget: you're online. That means you don't have to reply immediately.

Feel free to take a break and then come back later. Instead of running through the motions with long convos, use short-and-sweet messages. Then, give your number when you feel you've piqued her interest.

If she agrees, great; if not, she's not going to meet you, anyway. You are better off taking a chance and leading, as opposed to waiting for a really good moment. Its also a good way to develop natural instinct towards all this.

Again, most of these ideas are just me speaking out loud.

EDIT: Read some of the above replies. Agree completely. Do not suggest "friends" for any reason other than actually wanting to be friends. Be bold and go for what you want. If you fail, who gives a fuck. People get rejected every day. It definitely sucks but there are much more important things to worry about.

Yeah I definitely messed up #1. I'll keep this list you made in mind if this doesn't work out & I'm back to swiping.

 

[Jokab]

Want to share a lesson with everyone what I learned today.

I was meeting this girl today that I've been talking to. It's a casual meetup, not a date per se. Anyway, so we had said that we'd meet today and yesterday she said she was going to the gym earlier in the day and then out with friends in the evening. Sure I said, we'll meet somewhere in between because I had about the same schedule (I was getting in an online queue to buy concert tickets). We agree to get back to each other tomorrow with times. So the clock turns 3-ish and I'm getting ready because I figure she'll be done at the gym soon. I had sent her a message earlier saying I got the tickets (which in my mind meant: I'm ready to go out anytime now). She responded "oh great!" or something, but without any hint of a set time.

So here I'm sitting, wondering when she'll tell me that she's done. Because remember, I feel like I've already told her I'm done, which makes me feel overly needy by sending her "when are you done?" because I figure she'll just tell me if she actually wanted to see me. Stubborn and stupid as I am, I don't say anything until around 7 when I have to get go meet my friends. I tell her I was waiting for her to tell me she was ready. She says she changed plans from gym to shopping in town, and she was waiting for me to explicitly tell her that I was done, so that she could just leave and meet me. I realize this could be her just dodging, but anyway. And besides, she didn't tell me she changed plans which threw me off.

This is a silly long-winded story, but the essence of it all is: don't play these games where you expect the other party to do something. Just tell them what you're thinking. Confirm times, confirm plans. Don't assume everyone is on the same page as you.

 

[Leeness]

Oh, sex is disgusting, no question. But damn can it be enjoyable. You don't need me extolling its virtues though.

It sounds like you might not be completely asexual, but just demisexual - you require an intense emotional connection before sexual attraction is possible.

Haha don't say that, it's nauseating!

Maybe, I dunno. I've always figured about 99% asexual or something. Basically, it doesn't really matter. I'm sure I'll go most/all of my life without a partner and that's fine to me.

Some people are just asexual. *shrug* Many people need a physical connection as well as a mental one, but some only yearn for and need the mental connection, and that's fine. My own sex drive is on the lower side, and while I'm certainly not asexual, I can at least understand where she's coming from.

 

[Salamando]

Haha don't say that, it's nauseating!

Maybe, I dunno. I've always figured about 99% asexual or something. Basically, it doesn't really matter. I'm sure I'll go most/all of my life without a partner and that's fine to me.

If you really want someone, you'll find them, as long as you don't stop looking. You just don't realize how much of a catch you are! Every one out there is looking for that special sexual compatibility. So don't give up so easily.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

My date cancelled. She's merch manager at Macy's, and she said she's been exhausted this week for the holiday move. She was even sending me pics of the marching, too. She said she wants to meet up Monday if it'd be ok. I said sure.

The second girl hardly messages back. She definately wants to hang out and said it was a shame I was working tonight. I told her I get off at 9:30, bit as I've said she response late. She was in another city from where I was.

I honestly thought the first girl was getting cold feet. I even texted her saying if she was having cold feet, I'd understand, and that we've all been there, and I didn't want to force her into going out with me. She said no, and wants to really see me in Monday.

Edit-I'm a little drunk right now so forgive me for the shirty grammar.

 

[Leeness]

If you really want someone, you'll find them, as long as you don't stop looking. You just don't realize how much of a catch you are! Every one out there is looking for that special sexual compatibility. So don't give up so easily.

Eh, I did (one person in 28 years!), it just didn't work out! Oh well. I don't mind.

On an entirely different note, in today's strange messages...

"I had to zoom in, but I'm pretty sure you bought those. Money well spent though."

Thanks. Rude. :|

 

[Palpable]

Eh, I did (one person in 28 years!), it just didn't work out! Oh well. I don't mind.

On an entirely different note, in today's strange messages...

"I had to zoom in, but I'm pretty sure you bought those. Money well spent though."

Thanks. Rude. :|

Take it as a compliment. He's saying you've got a nice perky rack.

 

[Necrovex]

I am curious to hear what some of you think of the humanitarian of tinder, and the well-traveled profile approach? I am thinking about utilizing these tactics when I go back to the states for my long overdue vacation.

 

[Blackquill]

Definitively, Tinder is buggy on my phone. I got no alert if I get a match or a response. I don't even have a red dot. How could I fix that ?

 

[gaiages]

Definitively, Tinder is buggy on my phone. I got no alert if I get a match or a response. I don't even have a red dot. How could I fix that ?

Make sure the app's updated, turn your phone off/on, make sure the phone's updated, un/reinstall app, basically anything you'd do with any buggy app.

 

[Oblivion]

Can you only use Coffee Meets Bagel using a phone?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I am curious to hear what some of you think of the humanitarian of tinder, and the well-traveled profile approach? I am thinking about utilizing these tactics when I go back to the states for my long overdue vacation.

It might help if you explain what these are - I've never heard of them, for instance.

 

[Rest]

I keep seeing "I'm family oriented" or "I'm super family oriented" in a lot of profiles. What does that even mean? Are they saying they're looking to have kids? No one ever explains it, and it means nothing to me.

Take it as a compliment. He's saying you've got a nice perky rack.

I think he's saying he's a weirdo with a fake boob fetish.

 

[GK86]

It means they are big on their family and spending time with their family. That they have a good relationship with their family members.

I.e. family is important to them.

 

[Lulubop]

Ha d a pretty meh date yesterday, stuff like that really drops my confidence even though I've been on as good streak.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Take it as a compliment. He's saying you've got a nice perky rack.

Ehhh, shouldn't really take it positive since it's a dumbass comment. Plus what is flattering about telling a girl you don't believe she has real boobs?

 

[davepoobond]

Ehhh, shouldn't really take it positive since it's a dumbass comment. Plus what is flattering about telling a girl you don't believe she has real boobs?

i'm sure that guy got laid at least one time from saying that.

 

[Leeness]

Ehhh, shouldn't really take it positive since it's a dumbass comment. Plus what is flattering about telling a girl you don't believe she has real boobs?

Basically this is how I took it. Like...thanks for apparently caring enough to mention that you spent time looking and zoomed in on my pictures ~just to make sure~, and then thinking it was a good idea to tell me this, plus "pretty sure you bought those".

Classy. :/

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Basically this is how I took it. Like...thanks for apparently caring enough to mention that you spent time looking and zoomed in on my pictures ~just to make sure~, and then thinking it was a good idea to tell me this, plus "pretty sure you bought those".

Classy. :/

You took it the right way. Not once, not ever, do I comment on physical appearance in a message. It's implied that I think the person's attractive, otherwise I wouldn't be sending a message in the first place.

On the bright side, on the scale of stupid and offensive comments, that's relatively benign. Then again, when you basically say "it could've been worse" -- and I'm sure you've gotten worse -- the bar's so low.

My ex told me this much: the fact that you're not offering an unsolicited dick pic already puts you leagues ahead of everyone else. I really wish there were a way to work on the signal to noise ratio on online dating.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Basically this is how I took it. Like...thanks for apparently caring enough to mention that you spent time looking and zoomed in on my pictures ~just to make sure~, and then thinking it was a good idea to tell me this, plus "pretty sure you bought those".

Classy. :/

Every time a guy does something like this I'm reminded of that bit of standup in the very first Seinfeld episode. 'This man is out of ideas.'

Would almost be endearing if it wasn't so, as you said, rude.

 

[Salamando]

Every time a guy does something like this I'm reminded of that bit of standup in the very first Seinfeld episode. 'This man is out of ideas.'

Would almost be endearing if it wasn't so, as you said, rude.

Endearing? No way. It sounds like the guy learned a little pick-up artist trick called Negging, where you use insults to lower a girl's self-confidence so that she'll go out with you.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

I've set up a Paint Nite date for Tuesday night with this lady I messaged on POF this morning. Used Groupon for a hell of a discount.

 

[stn]

@Leeness

That guy is an idiot and you should definitely feel insulted. But don't. Pity him instead, because he's clearly socially incompetent judging by his message to you.

 

[Palpable]

Starting to overthink this whole 'meet' thing I have set up with this girl on Tues. Last we communicated was last night where I asked her what times work best for her. She said anything after she gets off work at 2pm, which leaves us a massive window. I told her I'd get back to her about a specific time for us in the coming days. Got a "sounds good " and I haven't talked to her since. Reading some of the posts in the 'dating ot' about wanting something beyond the bland 'movie and/or dinner' thing has me worried it may be too bland. I get our meet is a 'casual friends' thing, but I'm 99% sure she wouldn't be meeting me if she saw 0 potential beyond friendship. Then again, I was the one that put myself in that casual friend position in the first place ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

 

[gaiages]

Starting to overthink this whole 'meet' thing I have set up with this girl on Tues. Last we communicated was last night where I asked her what times work best for her. She said anything after she gets off work at 2pm, which leaves us a massive window. I told her I'd get back to her about a specific time for us in the coming days. Got a "sounds good " and I haven't talked to her since. Reading some of the posts in the 'dating ot' about wanting something beyond the bland 'movie and/or dinner' thing has me worried it may be too bland. I get our meet is a 'casual friends' thing, but I'm 99% sure she wouldn't be meeting me if she saw 0 potential beyond friendship. Then again, I was the one that put myself in that casual friend position in the first place ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

I... don't really understand what i just read.

Why don't you... like, just take her to a coffee shop or something, like the typical first date stuff? Like crap it's not even a date apparently, so why go all out?

 

[stn]

IMO, I would do the following. You've already identified yourself as a friend for her; the fact that you did it makes you look much more uncertain and lacking confidence. My advice? I'd cancel the whole thing. Dead serious.

Here's why. Its good to be able to give up potential pursuits easily. Once you get comfortable doing that you will waste much less time and only go for what you want. Its clear you want more with this girl, you wouldn't be posting here otherwise. I just can't see how this is gonna work. You clearly want to date her but talked yourself out of it, and she's probably hanging out just because its no longer a date.

I don't know, the whole thing feels off to me. Meet her if you're truly okay with having her as a friend, but ask yourself that question first. Also, learn from the mistake you made.

Just today I tried establishing contact with a girl I work with. I had a genuine interest to chat because I found out she was my workmate. Then I realized she was only replying to me because I was talking to her in the first place. So I made up an excuse saying I had to go, then ended the convo. Won't be messaging her again. But I'm fine with that.

 

[Palpable]

I... don't really understand what i just read.

Why don't you... like, just take her to a coffee shop or something, like the typical first date stuff? Like crap it's not even a date apparently, so why go all out?

What was confusing?

We've already decided on a restaurant. I just need to pick a time.

IMO, I would do the following. You've already identified yourself as a friend for her; the fact that you did it makes you look much more uncertain and lacking confidence. My advice? I'd cancel the whole thing. Dead serious.

So what you mean is fuck the potential and drop it? I mean, would she have matched and continued to talk with me if she were only looking for friends? Do you think she is meeting up with me because she simply wants a random guy friend? What I told her through tinder was I don't believe in jumping straight into anything, but establishing friendship, or rather getting to know someone decently enough, before a long term relationship seeds. Does that make sense? (I'm not sure if I'm making sense)

 

[stn]

Don't worry, you're making perfect sense. Just something about it all feels off to me, know what I mean? Its hard for me to explain over text. Look, go for the dinner since you'll be interacting with a girl at least. When you go just make sure to pay attention to her body language. Learn from it all, gain some insight.

And yes, a girl might still meet if she just wants a random guy friend. Girls don't just want to be friends with girls, same way some guys want female friends. But the issue is that you don't want to put yourself in that pile when you intend to date someone.

Getting to know someone as a friend is not the greatest idea if you want to date. IMO, its only good when dating wasn't mentioned until you've already been friends (ex. you're friends with a girl, years later you both randomly decide to date). But this is the opposite. You're putting yourself in the passive role beforehand.

You don't need to be friends to get to know her because that's what the coffee date is for. People will sometimes say they want to take things slow, but, let me tell you, coffee is slow as fuck. lol.

I need to sleep, I'll remember to reply tomorrow!

TLR - go for meetup. But use opportunity to analyze her body language, mood, and everything else. Will be very insightful.

 

[gaiages]

What was confusing?

We've already decided on a restaurant. I just need to pick a time.

Oh, I think I missed that. I get it now.

What's the harm in going then? At least you two can go and see how you feel about her. Just, make sure to split the bill--if you are just going as friends, then there's no reason to pay for her meal.

I do recommend listening to stn, though. Are you actually okay being friends with this girl? As in *just* friends, with the possibility of nothing ever romantically happening between the two of you? If not, then you might as well drop it (or tell her explicitly that you're only looking for more, and don't want to meet up under 'just friends' circumstances), because being friends with someone only on the pretense of them becoming more is a bad path to take, and often one that leads to a lot of bitterness.

 

[Palpable]

Don't worry, you're making perfect sense. Just something about it all feels off to me, know what I mean? Its hard for me to explain over text. Look, go for the dinner since you'll be interacting with a girl at least. When you go just make sure to pay attention to her body language. Learn from it all, gain some insight.

And yes, a girl might still meet if she just wants a random guy friend. Girls don't just want to be friends with girls, same way some guys want female friends. But the issue is that you don't want to put yourself in that pile when you intend to date someone.

Getting to know someone as a friend is not the greatest idea if you want to date. IMO, its only good when dating wasn't mentioned until you've already been friends (ex. you're friends with a girl, years later you both randomly decide to date). But this is the opposite. You're putting yourself in the passive role beforehand.

You don't need to be friends to get to know her because that's what the coffee date is for. People will sometimes say they want to take things slow, but, let me tell you, coffee is slow as fuck. lol.

I need to sleep, I'll remember to reply tomorrow!

TLR - go for meetup. But use opportunity to analyze her body language, mood, and everything else. Will be very insightful.

Yeah, I see what you mean. I potentially screwed myself in the long run to avoid my own lack of confidence in asking her out on an actual date. Oh well, I'll see how it plays out. If we have a good time, great, hopefully I can slide my way out of the possible friendzoning I may have put myself in. If not, whatever.

Oh, I think I missed that. I get it now.

What's the harm in going then? At least you two can go and see how you feel about her. Just, make sure to split the bill--if you are just going as friends, then there's no reason to pay for her meal.

I do recommend listening to stn, though. Are you actually okay being friends with this girl? As in *just* friends, with the possibility of nothing ever romantically happening between the two of you? If not, then you might as well drop it (or tell her explicitly that you're only looking for more, and don't want to meet up under 'just friends' circumstances), because being friends with someone only on the pretense of them becoming more is a bad path to take, and often one that leads to a lot of bitterness.

Yup, thinking about it I don't think I'd just want to be pals and leave it as such. Like I said to stn, I possibly screwed myself in the long term to avoid short term embarrassment (date rejection), which was absolutely stupid of me. And yeah, the bill thing is gonna be weird. I reeeeally want to pay for it because asking a girl out to meet up and then splitting it just seems weird to me. I was thinking of using the excuse that, because I asked her to meet up then I should pay and let her think she can get the bill next time.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I think it's important to understand that all of this lead-up to the interaction doesn't even matter. Say you're meeting as friends, but there's an intense connection. Congrats: it's now transformed into a date. Or say you're meeting for a date -- but remember, it's just the first date, which only exists to see if there's chemistry in the first place.

Stop worrying. Expect a dud (because, frankly, most are). Text her tomorrow and be like, "D'Angelo's at 8. Got reservations. See you there!" And then leave it at that.

You might've gone about it an entirely counterproductive, convoluted way, but you scored a face-to-face meeting with someone who, after that night, you'll likely never see again unless you hit it off.

No more, no less. So stop worrying!

Yeah, I see what you mean. I potentially screwed myself in the long run to avoid my own lack of confidence in asking her out on an actual date. Oh well, I'll see how it plays out. If we have a good time, great, hopefully I can slide my way out of the possible friendzoning I may have put myself in. If not, whatever.

This is the right approach!

Yup, thinking about it I don't think I'd just want to be pals and leave it as such. Like I said to stn, I possibly screwed myself in the long term to avoid short term embarrassment (date rejection), which was absolutely stupid of me. And yeah, the bill thing is gonna be weird. I reeeeally want to pay for it because asking a girl out to meet up and then splitting it just seems weird to me. I was thinking of using the excuse that, because I asked her to meet up then I should pay and let her think she can get the bill next time.

You'll know whether or not YOU want to see her at the end of the night. Let that be one factor in your decision. And keep the "You can get the next one" strategy in your back pocket. Or even the "I got this. You can buy me a drink at Murphy's" ploy.

 

[Palpable]

I think it's important to understand that all of this lead-up to the interaction doesn't even matter. Say you're meeting as friends, but there's an intense connection. Congrats: it's now transformed into a date. Or say you're meeting for a date -- but remember, it's just the first date, which only exists to see if there's chemistry in the first place.

Stop worrying. Expect a dud (because, frankly, most are). Text her tomorrow and be like, "D'Angelo's at 8. Got reservations. See you there!" And then leave it at that.

You might've gone about it an entirely counterproductive, convoluted way, but you scored a face-to-face meeting with someone who, after that night, you'll likely never see again unless you hit it off.

No more, no less. So stop worrying!

This is the right approach!

You'll know whether or not YOU want to see her at the end of the night. Let that be one factor in your decision. And keep the "You can get the next one" strategy in your back pocket. Or even the "I got this. You can buy me a drink at Murphy's" ploy.

Yeah, I'll keep those in my back pocket. I just hope that I will be able to tell if SHE wants to see me again. I've been on plenty of dud dates, but there are always those few where the woman is overly nice/bubbly and it's very easy to take it as her being into you, when in reality it may not be the case. I always chub shit up and make myself nervous beforehand, but when in the moment I usually do fine. I'll just keep asking questions and bouncing off things she says if I get too nervous in the middle of things. I hope this is the case here. I just need to make her laugh and then I'll feel good about it.