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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Fallout-NL
Member
Yup, if you're getting messages, by all means. Just do what feels natural. And don't stress out if it goes quiet for a while.
Yeah, I just bounce off things she says, not always asking a question unless I genuinely have one to ask (I wont ask for the sake of asking). I dunno, should I have her number?
Yeah, meet is set so I wont worry about keeping convo up until the time comes near to iron out specifics.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
This happens to me too. One day I'll have zero, the next day I'll have matches literally one after the other.
Never try to sell yourself past the close.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Well, not always, but if there's a legitimate conversation going, you can make an exception. I've done it, rarely, and almost always when the original date (which should be scheduled ASAP so you don't have to exist in the shithole of texting limbo) is rescheduled for legitimate reasons.
Now, the point of avoiding "selling yourself" is completely accurate. Besides, as a friend mentioned to me: the second date is the real first date, the first date is examining the potential for chemistry, and all of this messaging and texting, it effectively amounts to nothing. Your goal is to set up a face-to-face interaction, not to be someone's penpal.
I think more people need to realize that they should be fretting less about what to message when a conversation's started, saying far less than they would otherwise (save it for the date), and instead asking, "Drinks on Tuesday?"
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I kinda did that with only one reply today. I told her I would think of places to get drinks, and she could too. I then told her I'll text her tomorrow or early Saturday. She said cool. I replied back around noon saying i gotta leave for work with a little joke, and she hasn't replied back. I'm hoping she's not getting cold feet, or maybe I'm just overthinking it.
I'm not even sure how to ask it at this point. "Hey, could I get your number?"
Not entirely sure what you mean by this.
stn
Member
No, don't. It sounds extremely weak... even through text. Just say "I want to meet you yadda yadda, here's my number. Text me."
Something along the lines of "Hey, lets exchange numbers so we don't have to talk through tinder anymore"
I often wait for them to send their number before I give mine over.
Meaning once you seal the deal, don't do anything that may potentially cause her to want to back out. You have the deal, so there is no need to risk losing it by trying to get extra points with her.
I already got the meeting set for Tuesday, but we've not exchanged numbers. Shall I do what friday said?
That sounds better. Once she replies to me next (probably a couple hours) I will enact this.
Yeah, I hear you. I'm not trying to gain anything by continuing conversations with her. Last thing I wanna do is bore the shit out of her before Tuesday comes around.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I've used the "Tinder is killing my battery life let's text instead" line.
Yup. I always use that line.
Went on the second of a long string of dates tonight. It didn't go well, but it didn't go bad either. Really don't think there was much chemistry between us. I have a second date tomorrow with another girl, then a date on Sunday, a date on Monday, a date scheduled for next weekend, and a few more dates that are in the works. I don't see how you guys constantly do it. It gets exhausting. Hopefully, within two weeks, I can have the potential girlfriend slimed down to just one or two girls.
Here I am getting one date every 4 months and you're getting them like they're nothing.
Has worked every time for me. Though, if I even ask for the number, things are already going well.
Fair enough. I'll wait for her to say something & then ask about exchanging numbers.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Anyone hate on tinder that people can see your last activity? Since I have a date on Saturday, I'm messaging this other girl, and I don't want the first girl to start asking questions that I'm still active on tinder. She hasn't yet. Argh, I need to get this new girl to phone text.
Yeah I think about that, but idk I feel like people accept that in the early stages of dating you might be seeing other people. If some girl I go on a date with just hooked up with a guy the previous night I don't really care because I would do the same thing. Don't ask don't tell is probably the best rule.
Yeah, I do. Because people think the worst.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
True. I actually checked the activity of the first girl, which was two hours ago. That doesn't bother me at all funny enough.
I've used this line as well, but I replace battery life with data. Since it's true. Tinder wrecks my data limits. The line has a high threshold of success too.
I've gotten in trouble a few times because this, also I'm always on Tinder.
This actually happens on POF as well, and I absolutely hate it. I finally had one of the girls that I had been eyeing for awhile, phone number and working on setting up a date. She then brings up my POF activity. Haven't texted since that day. Probably dodged a bullet though. Usually girls that dismiss men based on the most minuscule things don't make the best girlfriends. These are usually the same girls that divorce or cheat on men because "reasons".
electricshake
Member
Easy on the generalisations. Men cheat too.
Every thread does not have to turn into a social justice fight. Of course men cheat too. I was referring to a subset of women, and I think that is pretty obvious in my post. This is a thread about dating. Things will be said about the sexes. Deal with it. Stop trying so hard to be offended.
Well, tacky/silly as it is, those dating apps really do eat battery power.
Also:
Considering that you only straightened out your online profiles a week or so ago, I'd say you're doing pretty good.
It's annoying but its mainly created a culture of chosen ignorance. Everyone pretends that they don't see that the other person is still active on whatever app, Tinder, OKC etc. We're all out there looking, just part of the biz.
Fallout-NL
Member
Myeah, considering how long it can take to setup a couple of dates, trying to 'evaluate' one date at a time is simply not feasible. Though as soon as something becomes a little more serious, for instance, you and the other person have kissed (and it was fun) and you have plans for new appointments after that, then I think it's time to put other dates on hold for a while.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're not exclusive until you're exclusive. Netflix and chilling does not a relationship make. But it really does depend on your volume and opportunities. I limit the amount of girls I talk to at once; at one point I had something like 7 dates in 7 days and it was overwhelming.
Most important thing: be on the same page as the people you're seeing.
Yea me too, I usually wait until the girl gives me her number because if she does you know she is really in to you.
But if I have a date set up i'll send my number and ask for theirs at the same time.
electricshake
Member
I'm not and I don't want to get into a fight. I guess I just didn't see the connection between bringing up POF activity and cheating/divorce.
Well I got a reaponse from her about 30 minutes ago. I think I'll do the whole "battery power" thing. Not sure how to say it. Should I just feed her the line & follow it with my number, or ask to exchange numbers and wait for her to post hers & then I'll respond with mine?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're overthinking it. Stop worrying. You don't even need her number, and frankly it's annoying to have a ton of random girls' info stored in your phone. But if you must: "BTW, if it's easier to text, my number's..." Tack that on to whatever response you send.
The best part about getting a girl's phone number is that Facebook can automatically look up the girls in your phone. You then get to see undoctored photos of them before going out on a date. Some of the differences between their online dating photos and their undoctored Facebook photos were incredible.
Yeah definitely had this happen. However I usually just google the number once I get it and then find facebook from that.
Fallout-NL
Member
If you feel uncomfortable asking, it's also possible to just wait until the date. If she's really up for the whole thing she'll probably give it without you having to ask. Usually happens the day before.
I know I'm overthinking it, but using tinder to communicate is kind of a bitch, especially with how buggy it is.
I was able to look her up since we have a mutual FB friend.
Yeah, I think it'd be better to ask her & have it than not.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yeah, that's a good point that I hadn't considered. I've done that too: it actually led to me backing out on going out with someone. It's kind of amazing how cherry-picked pictures are. I dunno - I'm starting to just get over the phone thing though. I don't want to text before the date. I'd rather get the date out of the way to see if anything's there, you know?
Within about six or seven texts, I usually set up a date. I just like having the phone number because my dates can sometimes be a week or two out. I like to touch base every 2-3 days without getting drowned out in their online dating inboxes.
Also, I don't know if you guys considered this, but if I end-up dating a girl exclusively, I tell the other women that I've been seeing, and add them to Facebook. It allows you to casually keep in touch via Facebook messenger and commenting on each other's Facebook posts. All of the ones that I let know that I was single again have inquired about going out on another date or agreed to one if I asked. It kind of keeps you from having to start from zero when you are single again.
ALWAYS ask for a number before a date. Switch from dating app to txting ASAP.
Just ask for it. You're already setting up a date, it's not creepy. The way you ask for it shouldn't even matter unless you make it creepy.
'This app sucks. What's your number so that we can text?'
'Do you have a telegram?'
'By the way, I have this long-range transmission device that allows for indirect communication. Do you have one too?'
'Speaking of which, what's your phone number?'
'Help! I'm being held hostage at the bank and I can't reach the police because I don't have your phone number!'
'Not trying to be weird, but I think I saw you at a seminar at [medical school] today. I was the guy wearing a green t shirt and orange cardigan. So anyway, I was just wo..wondering, if it's not too..too much to ask... Can I have your phone number? I mean, that, if...if you don't mind?'
It's just a number. If she's reluctant to give it to you, I don't foresee the date going too well if you're starting from a position of mistrust
Just ask for it. You're already setting up a date, it's not creepy. The way you ask for it shouldn't even matter unless you make it creepy.
'This app sucks. What's your number so that we can text?'
'Do you have a telegram?'
'By the way, I have this long-range transmission device that allows for indirect communication. Do you have one too?'
'Speaking of which, what's your phone number?'
'Help! I'm being held hostage at the bank and I can't reach the police because I don't have your phone number!'
'Not trying to be weird, but I think I saw you at a seminar at [medical school] today. I was the guy wearing a green t shirt and orange cardigan. So anyway, I was just wo..wondering, if it's not too..too much to ask... Can I have your phone number? I mean, that, if...if you don't mind?'
It's just a number. If she's reluctant to give it to you, I don't foresee the date going too well if you're starting from a position of mistrust
"Would you like to exchange numbers? It'd be better to keep in touch via text as opposed to tinder, which tends to kill my battery life"
"Text sounds great! #"
What's the proper thing there, text her so she has my number, or give her my number via tinder? (Yes I get I'm asking for every little miniscule thing, but I don't want to do something dumb & f up)
edit: screw this walking on egg shells shit I'm doing. I'm gonna text her & say who it is.
"Text sounds great! #"
What's the proper thing there, text her so she has my number, or give her my number via tinder? (Yes I get I'm asking for every little miniscule thing, but I don't want to do something dumb & f up)
edit: screw this walking on egg shells shit I'm doing. I'm gonna text her & say who it is.