Support NeoGAF

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Something going wrong with the lady? Getting into your own head again?

Nah, there's just regular drama, but the good times are incredible. This time, however, she was just worried that I went to help out a friend with a stalkerish ex-boyfriend. She was furious, then revealed today it's because she couldn't imagine me not in her life. Things are always intense, but I'm loving it. It's the Latin girl thing, as someone said before!

 

[ZackieChan]

I texted her earlier, and jokingly mentioned that I had purchased the water I owed her because I drank so much of hers last night (thirsty, plus I had to donate blood today and my veins are hard to find so I have to drink a TON of water). I actually did buy some, to be nice.

I told her I had fun last night, and thanked her for inviting me back. Apologized for being super awkward. She said we should do it again sometime, and that she's free Sunday-Wednesday nights. She wants to do something Sunday.

Was she replying, or did you just unleash this flood of info on her?

Don't apologize for being awkward, though. Just stop being so awkward in the future!

 

[Salamando]

Nah, there's just regular drama, but the good times are incredible. This time, however, she was just worried that I went to help out a friend with a stalkerish ex-boyfriend. She was furious, then revealed today it's because she couldn't imagine me not in her life. Things are always intense, but I'm loving it. It's the Latin girl thing, as someone said before!

Glad to hear it. Your relationship continues to be the most realistic of any in these dating threads. There's ups, there's downs, and there's adults talking about shit instead of playing games.


I really need to restart my OKC profile. Was planning on rebuilding it after my trip, but then...stress. lots and lots of stress.

 

[User 479360]

When we were at her place, she brought up how my profile mentions Christianity as my religion. I don't go to church, but believe there's something there and my OCD is bad around the idea of potentially going to Hell. It's a known symptom of the disorder.

She doesn't have any religion, which doesn't bother me at all. But she was curious if that was an issue, how I felt about premarital sex, if the kissing was okay, etc.

Was she replying, or did you just unleash this flood of info on her?

Don't apologize for being awkward, though. Just stop being so awkward in the future!

She was replying, yeah. Took a bit to get the conversation going again, but by then she was texting as much as me.

She told me I'd left my hand cream at her place. I have OCD, of course, and my hands get dry. I use a lot of hand cream and had brought some with me to put on before we went for supper. I brought it in with me and used some, and she bugged me about it.

I told her that I left it there so she had to have me back. She had already invited me back, but I figured it'd still be funny. She laughed and said, "I already invited you back without noticing, so there."

We're doing something again Sunday. Probably going to the movies then back to her place. She has to work Thursday-Saturday nights, at a bar, because she's filling in on a different shift than normal. I'm thinking about maybe going there for a bit one night to hang out.

 

[Jhoan]

For me, I couldn't date until I fully moved on from my last relationship. I thought I did all the "right" things after breaking up: took a couple months off websites, worked on myself, and did some new things. I reactivated my profiles later, and while I talked to and met girls, something felt off. I talked to a friend about this, and he had a similar experience moving on. Not sure when/how things turned around for both of us but it's different for everyone.

So while it may be burnout or a string of bad luck, it may also be you. But it seems like other parts of your life are looking up, so stay positive.

Ironically after I wrote that post, I got a few new Tinder matches/messages going, 2 numbers----one of which is a girl who's been throwing me sexual innuendos left and right in which she's clearly DTF so my dry spell might be coming to an end in the next week; have been messaging back and forth with a girl on OKC; and another on Bumble.

The funniest thing is one of the girls that I messaged said it was the best message she's ever gotten; it the was the cat tipping its hat GIF. The Tinder fish are biting left and right so I'm bouncing back.

That being said, I heard an art podcast recently in which the artist interviewed said that one of the best quotes he lives by is "Failure and rejection should be worn like a badge of honor because it means you actually tried" which was said by the guy who wrote Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I do think it's me to some degree so I need to continue volunteering and doing stuff I like as well as improving myself/finances. My therapist said I have a hard time relating to women, expressing sexual interest, and wants me to ask girls out for second dates so he wants me to do that more often.

I noticed that you are in New York City, so I have to ask, is it really that difficult in NYC? I thought that city was supposed to be a paradise for men because of the ratio of women to men.

It's really not but as I've mentioned in the past, being a minority makes it much harder as you know despite being 6''3, in shape, and in good health. On Bumble, I've been having a really hard time getting getting matches lately since girls who do match up with me, let the 24 hours expire whereas on Tinder, it's the complete opposite since I've been occasionally getting matches for every 200-300 swipes. CMB is non-existent since girls have disappeared and I haven't gotten any mutual likes in about 2 weeks.

I think each platform comes with its own set of pictures and information to put on it. I have the same pictures on all 4 platforms down to the main picture but on Tinder and OKC, it's yielding me results with unsolicited messages about my hair with the latter.

The funniest thing is that if that the same girls on those on platforms would probably be damn near hard to approach in bars since most people would be swiping for dates on their phone. The great thing about living about living in NYC is that there are endless avenues to meet women/new people either for free or for a price. It's overwhelming and the diversity helps.

I like to think that the women that I've dated fall into the camp that has seen Girls (young professionals living with roommates in gentrifying areas of the city, high expectations/standars) or Broad City (happy-go-lucky, have big dreams, smoke pot). The former camp, I tend to find boring since there's only so much 9-5 at a start up/non-profit/company, hang out with friends, go to bars, and have pets (a bit of a turn off for me) that I can take. Taking new pics will be a must especially with a bodega cat since I don't have any pets.

 

[Nudull]

I feel like saying "fuck it all" and just walk away from online dating for a while. I've gotten nothing but asshats and ghosts for months on end, and my mind's at it's limit. I've at least gotten some nice moments out of it, working some things out, but I've squeezed all I could out of my local area (which didn't leave many options for people like me in the first place). I'll probably delete my profiles soon, come back in a year or so.

It's just not working for me, right now.

 

[pieface]

After browsing last night, I'm starting to get into this a little.

What's the consensus on like, jerk humor?

This one girl says she hates selfies. I was thinking about messaging her "With that face, I can see why you hate selfies." Maybe with one of those emojis showing that I'm teasing. Is that likely to illicit a response other than an instant ignore? I think I could pull that line off in real life, but I don't know how it comes across in text.

Best chat up line EVER

 

[ZackieChan]

I feel like saying "fuck it all" and just walk away from online dating for a while. I've gotten nothing but asshats and ghosts for months on end, and my mind's at it's limit. I've at least gotten some nice moments out of it, working some things out, but I've squeezed all I could out of my local area (which didn't leave many options for people like me in the first place). I'll probably delete my profiles soon, come back in a year or so.

It's just not working for me, right now.

Time to move.

Best chat up line EVER

Pick up artists HATE him! Find out his one weird trick for guaranteed sex inside...

 

[Jhoan]

I feel like saying "fuck it all" and just walk away from online dating for a while. I've gotten nothing but asshats and ghosts for months on end, and my mind's at it's limit. I've at least gotten some nice moments out of it, working some things out, but I've squeezed all I could out of my local area (which didn't leave many options for people like me in the first place). I'll probably delete my profiles soon, come back in a year or so.

It's just not working for me, right now.

When in doubt, taking a break does wonders. I've taken a few months from dating on and off. One always has a higher chance of meeting people with mutual interests through social events so look into your interests and attend events that draws similar people.

 

[JDHarbs]

I need some advice gaf. I started talking to this girl on OKC and she asked me to text her after just a few messages. Is this a red flag? I like her but I don't like putting my personal info out there.

 

[Jhoan]

I need some advice gaf. I started talking to this girl on OKC and she asked me to text her after just a few messages. Is this a red flag? I like her but I don't like putting my personal info out there.

No, she wants you to ask her out. What's wrong with giving out your number and texting a person you eventually want to meet up with? I don't see the problem here. It's not as if OKC is going to randomly text you out of the blue asking you to upgrade.

 

[ZackieChan]

I need some advice gaf. I started talking to this girl on OKC and she asked me to text her after just a few messages. Is this a red flag? I like her but I don't like putting my personal info out there.

You do plan to date her, right? You'll have to give up the digits at some point. Could potentially be a spammer, so you'd have to use judgement - is she ridiculously good looking? What were the first few messages?

What nefarious things could she do with your phone number if she had it?

 

[JDHarbs]

Thanks guys. I was just unsure because of how quick it was. I'm clearly new to this.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Glad to hear it. Your relationship continues to be the most realistic of any in these dating threads. There's ups, there's downs, and there's adults talking about shit instead of playing games.


I really need to restart my OKC profile. Was planning on rebuilding it after my trip, but then...stress. lots and lots of stress.

Yeah, I'd like to consider myself the anti-SPMH.

Newest update is that I'm continuing to struggle with even landing an interview to get a job. I've managed to piece together contract work and I even graduated with another Master's degree last Sunday, which makes the past two years less "embarrassing," but the fact is, I've got nothing lined up, no prospects, and no employers swiping right on me.

I also realized that I'm in love with my girlfriend, though I haven't told her. We're planning long-term things, like a trip to South America next year. All of this means that I'm under incredible pressure to find something here. It'd be so much easier if I weren't tied down and could move, but that's not the case. It's sort of paralyzing, because I'm not at all sure how to manage this! Oh, and her ex is running for Congress. I'm no longer comparing myself to him vis-a-vis her, but I do wish I were 1/100th as successful as he is.

Stress never goes away. There's no reason to put off things because life's hard, because if you're like most people, life's always going to be hard for us.

 

[ZackieChan]

You could always be a digital nomad solo practitioner like me 😉

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

AD, you could write an autobiography. Or a screenplay.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

AD, you could write an autobiography. Or a screenplay.

About what?! My life isn't that interesting. And right now it's in such a funk, barring my (amazing, admittedly) relationship. I wish I could relax, too: today was supposed to be spent playing games and actually unwinding before a mini-vacation tomorrow, but I've just spent it looking at job opportunities.

 

[Salamando]

Yeah, I'd like to consider myself the anti-SPMH.

Newest update is that I'm continuing to struggle with even landing an interview to get a job. I've managed to piece together contract work and I even graduated with another Master's degree last Sunday, which makes the past two years less "embarrassing," but the fact is, I've got nothing lined up, no prospects, and no employers swiping right on me.

I also realized that I'm in love with my girlfriend, though I haven't told her. We're planning long-term things, like a trip to South America next year. All of this means that I'm under incredible pressure to find something here. It'd be so much easier if I weren't tied down and could move, but that's not the case. It's sort of paralyzing, because I'm not at all sure how to manage this! Oh, and her ex is running for Congress. I'm no longer comparing myself to him vis-a-vis her, but I do wish I were 1/100th as successful as he is.

Stress never goes away. There's no reason to put off things because life's hard, because if you're like most people, life's always going to be hard for us.

You need to apply your OKC game to LinkedIn. Connect with everyone, have a good pic, and list whatever marketable skills you have. Play it right, you'll get more messages that a nerdy girl with ample cleavage on Tinder.

I'm good with normal stress. This was mega stress. Over the course of two weeks, I found out my sister was in the ER, my sister was pregnant (this is a very, very bad thing), and that she had broken up with her baby-daddy (he apologized later and the unbroken up). She finally regained custody of her kids, but there's also a homeless coworker living in one of her kids bedrooms. The house the kids are going to is unfit for them, health wise. Two dogs who aren't housebroken + a lazy sister = biohazard. Fun.

My personal trainer and I already determined my life story will be a black comedy. It can't be anything but.

 

[Jhoan]

Man some of you guys are stranger than ficfion and would make damn good characters in any story. I'm always amazed at the type of individuals I meet on GAF.

On-topic: looks like I'm meeting up with a girl tomorrow night for drinks near her way. I'm not really sure what to expect but coming off the last string of dates, they left much to be desired. I'll keep my expectations low either way and see what happens. At least she's easy on the eyes.

 

[Valus]

Gave up on online dating around the new year, get emails that a woman liked me every now and then but it's never someone I'm interested in. Occasionally check out the site when I'm bored or something and send out a message or three, usually with no responses. Same old stuff.

Found some girls outside of online dating as well, through mutual friends, coworkers, and so on, but none of them worked out. Either I wasn't interested at the end of the day, or they weren't.

Got an email from OKC two days ago from a girl, message just said "Hi." Checked out her profile and she was actually pretty cute, and seemed not crazy. I responded and we went back and forth a bit, really like that she responds actively and doesn't disappear for 24 hours just to respond with a single sentence as I've seen in the past. We ended up exchanging numbers that night, and are meeting tomorrow.

I suggested Dave & Busters around 5pm because neither of us have been there and I'm bored out of my mind at the whole coffee date 20 questions interview concept. Drinks + something to do (games) sounds fun and she agreed. When I suggested 5pm she made a joke that she's available all day and can meet anytime, even at 7am so I joked back that it's not even open that early. So I suggested we meet at noon at a nearby outdoor mall with shops and stuff to walk around and stuff, she seemed excited at the idea and agreed.

So that's the plan now, and I'm nervous about fucking up tomorrow of course. I don't like getting my hopes up about dating and just try to enjoy the moment for what it is, but I end up overthinking and trying to make it "perfect" for her to fall for me. I want to just be myself but I think I'm pretty boring in general. Well, not boring...just not super exciting. I like a lot of things outside of gaming but since I'm busy with work and friends have moved all over the place and are busy and stuff, I end up spending most of my time gaming at home. My willpower sort of sucks right now so I find it difficult to go out and do those things I enjoy (hiking, bouldering, cosplay, tennis, crossfit, volunteering) by myself.

I guess I'm just afraid that she's going to not be all that interested in me after we meet and get to know each other. I have my share of funny stories and stuff, and can hold a conversation pretty good. I don't consider myself awkward (maybe a little) or unattractive. Just...not all that interesting.

How do I make myself look interesting?

 

[War Peaceman]

How do I make myself look interesting?

Be interesting.

Ever been skydiving? Go.

Want to learn how to dance? Go. Even - no, especially - if you are terrible.

Ever been abroad? Go.

Speak another language? Get duo lingo(it is free) and start learning.

Have you ever read Nabokov? Go read some books, he is fucking great.

Being interesting is not a binary state. You can't be interesting to everyone - although I manage it - but if you try new things, go out of your comfort zone then you will have a lot to talk about. Most people aren't actually as interesting as they present themselves, either. When they say they do brazilian jujitsu, they mean that they once did a taster session, but hey it caught your attention didn't it?

What I've noticed is that a lot of people - especially male (and there is a lot of cognitive development literature on why this is gender-skewed) - are unable to have engaging conversations. Those soft, social skills that enhance human interactions are sorely lacking. Especially on a forum like this. The only way these skills develop is through practice. I've given hundreds of tours, greeted guests, approached customers etc. and through trial and error I've learned how to talk to people. Not necessarily flirt, just make the small talk that carries you through to big talk. If you can't talk you can't do much at all. So start there.

 

[User 479360]

Date #2 is sometime tomorrow. I don't know exactly when, or what we're doing, but assume tomorrow evening/night. I'm looking forward to it, and have been counting down the hours since it was set.

She had to work Thursday-Saturday nights, so tonight included, and tomorrow is her first day off. I think it's a good sign that she chose her first night off. She had also asked me my views on premarital sex during our first date, so that also shows she's interested.

As I said before, I'm a bigger guy. She said weight doesn't bug her when I asked her via text yesterday, and said I was comfortable to cuddle with plus good at it when we did during the date. It seemed like she almost fell asleep then, but caught herself because she didn't want to go that far on a first date. I think the date went well enough that it could've ended up in bed if we both wanted it to.

I'm going to be prepared just in case the next one does. I'd be fine with just sleeping over, no sex, or even a similar date as before. I don't need to rush things, though it has been a year, and before that it was 11.

We had thought about going to the movies after dinner last time, but she said it wasn't a good way to get to know a person, so she recommended going to get coffee. Then she invited me back to her place.

She had said that next time we should go to the movies since it's been a while, but I don't know what she wants to do this time. I told her to look movies up, or we could watch something I own/have. And that she could come here if she'd like.

I normally sleep on a couch out of habit, because I did that when my Mom was sick and like to pass out watching TV. My bedroom upstairs is a bit of a mess, and the bed isn't made, plus the mattress sucks. It'd bug my OCD to really have sex here (I know, I need to get over that), so I hope we end up at her place if that happens.

The only awkward thing is that she's in a townhouse complex, renting a basement off of her friend, and the only bathroom is upstairs on the 2nd floor. Her roommate has two kids.

EDIT: She just texted me and said she forgot she plays D&D with friends on Sundays. She had mentioned it before. They'd played last Monday instead, because of a holiday. I said I'd forgotten that, too, and am waiting for her reply.

 

[Jhoan]

Waiting to take the train to meet up with the girl. Cleaned myself up good except for the hair because that's my trademark image. I expect nothing. Hopefully it doesn't turn into an interview fest because that will bore me super quickly. Let's see how it goes.

 

[SSJLuffy]

I know a girl who plays D&D on Sundays.... hmmmm....

I think I may make an account on okcupid eventually, I'm not too interested in dating at the moment, it'd just be cool to meet some females who share similar interests with me.

 

[Jhoan]

Date went pretty damn solid. Didn't make out with her but the conversation went really well as we had a lot in common. She called it a night because she was tired. I need to have low expectations more often. She paid for my drink and hers so I got her next time. I think meditating on the train helped since I wasn't nervous.

Nice, thick body and a cool personality plus she made me laugh which is always a turn on for me. Definitely will follow up with her although she hinted that she's going to be out of town next weekend to attend a family member's graduation. Next date with a girl will be on Tuesday.

 

[Salamando]

Can anyone who uses both Tinder and OKC comment on how comparable their match systems are, primarily with regards to how many people actually use it?

I'd assume matches on OKC's quickmatch are rarer, since it's not mandatory and girls can get inundated with messages anyway, but I'm curious if anyone has first hand experience here.

 

[ZackieChan]

Can anyone who uses both Tinder and OKC comment on how comparable their match systems are, primarily with regards to how many people actually use it?

I'd assume matches on OKC's quickmatch are rarer, since it's not mandatory and girls can get inundated with messages anyway, but I'm curious if anyone has first hand experience here.

I get more matches on Tinder than OKC.

 

[User 479360]

She asked if Wednesday works for me, and it does, so I guess we're doing something then.

The texting has been very infrequent and kind of weird over the last few days. I don't know what to make of it. I'm trying not to bug her much at all, and have been texting very little. She hasn't texted much either.

We texted a ton before the date, had a great date and texted some the next day and while she was at work on Thursday. But it's been pretty quiet ever since and I kind of get a weird feeling about it.

That said, I KNOW she plays D&D on Sundays and didn't make that up because she mentioned it when we first started talking. She was on her way home from it. And she told me that the only reason she scheduled the date on Sunday was because she was so excited to see me again that she forgot.

Plus she did kiss me multiple times and ask about premarital sex.

 

[Salamando]

Don't overthink the texting thing. You have a date set up for the future. It even sounds like she's putting forth the effort to figure out when it would happen. That's as good of a sign of interest that you're gonna get.

 

[User 479360]

Don't overthink the texting thing. You have a date set up for the future. It even sounds like she's putting forth the effort to figure out when it would happen. That's as good of a sign of interest that you're gonna get.

Yeah, I'm trying not to. It's just kind of strange.

 

[ZackieChan]

Yeah, I'm trying not to. It's just kind of strange.

There's nothing strange about it. Just play it cool until your next date. And keep sweeping and messaging others!

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I get more matches on Tinder than OKC.

Never used Tinder. I never lacked matches on OKC. Then again, with apologies to Russell Westbrook, you can't spell choke without OKC.

...

So, on my end, went out for dinner with an old military buddy last night, then met up with my girlfriend and her friend visiting from NYC. Spent the night, as per usual, and then we woke up late, made breakfast, watched Amélie, shopped a bit for some clothes for her, and she went out with another girlfriend tonight. It's weird: I realized that I'm in love with her, but more importantly, I realized that I wasn't ever in love with my ex. I thought I was. Imagine wandering through life thinking that you were in love until fate rapidly disabuses you of this false, self-absorbed notion.

When are you in love? Well, it's true: you just know.

Love isn't being a good match. It's not about being successful roommates. It's not about wanting the same things in life. It's -- no more and no less -- thinking less and less about you and her and exclusively, happily, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, about us.

Anyway, the Online Dating |OT| connection! My girlfriend and I educated her friend on some of the hidden rules that women (and men, to a lesser extent) use on online dating sites. I thought I'd include a random assortment.

1. Before the date, smart women will Google you. So Google yourself and find out what's there. In my case, I have a public facing LinkedIn profile; I'm okay with that.
   
2. Smart girls will lie about having engagements after the date. My friend uses this one, noting that she has a friend's birthday party to go to. Obviously, no random guy's going to accompany her to that (although one definitely tried). It's an escape hatch.
   
3. Another good one: my girlfriend only met guys for drinks, but then mentioned, halfway through, that she was hungry. Again, it's a matter of safety/convenience: it's easy to peel off after a drink or two, but if things are going well, it's simple to plus-up to food.
   
4. I always went for low-effort first dates: I met them at bars near where I lived. My girlfriend did the same, offering fibs like, "I had to work late. Can we meet in X neighborhood instead?" While first dates aren't much of an investment for men, be mindful that they're often substantial investments for women, considering the amount of time they take to get ready.
   
5. Etiquette matters. It's just like a job interview: be nice to the wait staff and know how to help a lady with her coat.
   
6. Girls DQ people almost immediately for poor spelling/grammar.
   
7. Do you swipe on tons of girls and message them? You've probably messaged two friends before! Just last night, my girlfriend showed her friend this guy's message from last September. ("How are you? Do you have any fun weekend plans?"). Same message to the friend, almost a year later! We were sorely tempted to ask how this brilliant strategy was working out for him.

If I have a point with these, at all, it's simply that during initial contact, everyone's playing by unwritten rules, and it's important to know what they are. It's almost like dating etiquette. Be mindful that the point of etiquette is to help us effortlessly engage in meaningful conversation and navigate otherwise stressful situations. This is why there's a salad fork. The salad fork of dating is knowing when to say "Enjoy the birthday party, Jane. I'd love to see you again. Text me when your Uber gets there, and have a great night."

 

[ZackieChan]

Leave them wanting more. Good showmanship.


Edit: it's why I usually preface any sexual activity with some variation of "this isn't even my final form."

 

[Jokab]

Smart girls will lie about having engagements after the date. My friend uses this one, noting that she has a friend's birthday party to go to. Obviously, no random guy's going to accompany her to that (although one definitely tried). It's an escape hatch.

Hah yeah, my girlfriend told me she used this. We met at 1pm and she had to leave at 3pm to get to the stables because she had promised the owner. A few dates later she told me she set this up because if it was a bad date she could get out in 2 hours, and if it was good we could just meet again.

 

[True Savior]

Ghosted by a girl who was actually being engaging as fuck. Boom, out of nowhere. Fuck. It shouldn't hurt but it kinda does. Feels disrespectful. I would rather she just unmatched. That's what I do. Never leave anyone on hold.

 

[User 479360]

I deleted Tinder a few weeks ago and haven't looked back. I was used to checking it every day, but then simply forgot about it.

It was depressing as fuck.

I take solace in that, even though this girl hasn't texted me again today, something is set for Wednesday and when we kissed it wasn't just a peck on the cheek or a peck, or a one time thing. I'm going to wait for her to text me.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Change a few things on that list and you'd get a guide to Craigslist:

-meet somewhere convenient, well-lit, and public
-do research on the person you're meeting
-have an escape route if things go south
-DQ people if they sound sketchy

 

[Jhoan]

I get more matches on Tinder than OKC.

I get way more matches on Tinder than OKC, Bumble (girls hardly swipe right there), and CMB combined these days. A handful will respond and lead to exchanging numbers; a small handful from that will lead to meeting up and the rest just fizzle out or get no replies leaving me at the mercy of either following up or umatching and moving on.

@ AD RE Point #1: I Googled myself and the first page results that pops up for my name are my Twitter page, my writer page for a website I wrote for a 4 months last year before I stopped, then another guy who has my same first and last name's Facebook, Sound Cloud page, and his Tumblr, then my personal Tumblr/portfolio website. My Twitter bio says that I like GAF among other things and links to my Tumblr as well has some posts from my Instagram.

I think I need learn some SEO on the latter to bump it up to the third if not first result. Otherwise, nothing I'm not ashamed of that isn't already out there including my GAF posts. If anything, my Twitter and writer page paint a good pretty good picture about the things I'm passionate about. Although I have thought about linking my Instagram account to my Tinder.

I personally never Google girls I'm going out with because I honestly don't care save for the one time I lurked on the girl I had a fling with over last summer's Twitter page. I trust that most girls are sane/not famous people. Although the girl I'm scheduled to meet up with tomorrow inadvertently gave me her full name since she uses her surname on Tinder as her name. I lurked on her Instagram and got a pretty good idea as to what she's like and into; she's a bit of a tomboy. Two of her pics are a selfie with blood streaming down her nose and another selfie with a black eye. Gotta wonder what the story is behind them.

 

[ZackieChan]

If you Google me there's a couple pages of results. I feel like I've won the Internet (but no one ever Googles me).

 

[Salamando]

Has the vanilla Dating-gaf thread always been so frustrating to read?


Googling myself largely reveals a deep sordid history in academia. So many paper citations, so few topics. There's also LinkedIn, my high school math nerd rankings (I was state ranked!), and a few obituaries. Nothing too alarming.


Re-built an OKC profile Saturday morning. Didn't realize the app no longer alerts you for each like you get and only sends ones for "highly matched" likes. Checked the app itself...I apparently have a backlog of profiles I need to look into. And a few messages. Nice to know I can still put theory to practice in advice I parrot in this thread...

 

[ZackieChan]

Dating-Gaf has gotten worse. I contemplated giving up this morning reading some of the posts in there.

 

[Jhoan]

The Dating-Age thread is like a group therapy session scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: everyone talks about their problems but nothing is being done to address the problem that they currently have so the cycle continues on people giving advice until the people posting their problem either bail out or make progress.

Meanwhile this thread is like being at a bar one regularly frequents and talking to the bartender about your latest dating adventures while the bartender listens attentively. Heck, the OKC subreddit about the weekly dating stories are much better to digest since it's much more supportive and there's a mix of success stories in there to brighten up the mood.

 

[GK86]

Dating thread in a nutshell:

https://youtu.be/YkaDSiPrFGs

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

We said that we loved each other tonight, which ordinarily would be wonderful, except we broke up an hour later. She's incredibly sensitive to others' emotions and anxieties, and while I honestly think I made headway into learning how to control my frustrations, I had issues tonight parking and inadvertently driving down a one-way street. Driving is my biggest trigger; I don't know whether it was Afghanistan or a near-fatal car accident that messed me up, but it can frustrate me considerably.

She was scared at how I reacted. She said that I needed to work on myself before I committed to being with someone else. And she wants me to take a month to "pull myself together," as if it were that easy. I've got nervous habits; I'm awkward at times. Basically, I'm the end product of papering over the problems in the Dating-Age |OT| but without fixing underlying causes, I guess.

So that's that. I fell in love with an amazing girl who doesn't want to be without me, but doesn't know how to live with me. And she fell in love with a guy that makes her happy, but sometimes scares her.

 

[User 479360]

We said that we loved each other tonight, which ordinarily would be wonderful, except we broke up an hour later. She's incredibly sensitive to others' emotions and anxieties, and while I honestly think I made headway into learning how to control my frustrations, I had issues tonight parking and inadvertently driving down a one-way street. Driving is my biggest trigger; I don't know whether it was Afghanistan or a near-fatal car accident that messed me up, but it can frustrate me considerably.

She was scared at how I reacted. She said that I needed to work on myself before I committed to being with someone else. And she wants me to take a month to "pull myself together," as if it were that easy. I've got nervous habits; I'm awkward at times. Basically, I'm the end product of papering over the problems in the Dating-Age |OT| but without fixing underlying causes, I guess.

So that's that. I fell in love with an amazing girl who doesn't want to be without me, but doesn't know how to live with me. And she fell in love with a guy that makes her happy, but sometimes scares her.

Congrats. You deserve it.

 

[ZackieChan]

Congrats. You deserve it.

Uh, did you read the post?

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I think that seems like a rather trivial reason to break up.

 

[ZackieChan]

I think that seems like a rather trivial reason to break up.

But totally this. I give the breakup 2 days, tops.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

We said that we loved each other tonight, which ordinarily would be wonderful, except we broke up an hour later. She's incredibly sensitive to others' emotions and anxieties, and while I honestly think I made headway into learning how to control my frustrations, I had issues tonight parking and inadvertently driving down a one-way street. Driving is my biggest trigger; I don't know whether it was Afghanistan or a near-fatal car accident that messed me up, but it can frustrate me considerably.

She was scared at how I reacted. She said that I needed to work on myself before I committed to being with someone else. And she wants me to take a month to "pull myself together," as if it were that easy. I've got nervous habits; I'm awkward at times. Basically, I'm the end product of papering over the problems in the Dating-Age |OT| but without fixing underlying causes, I guess.

So that's that. I fell in love with an amazing girl who doesn't want to be without me, but doesn't know how to live with me. And she fell in love with a guy that makes her happy, but sometimes scares her.

Sorry to hear this, but as the others have said, this seems like a silly reason to just end it.

Not sure exactly how you were acting in the car, but no one is perfect. Everyone is awkward sometimes, or nervous, or whatever, as I'm sure you know. I'm sure she's like this sometimes, too. Does she know about the near fatal car crash or how that Afghanistan experience affected you? I feel like there's been this underlying tension throughout your entire relationship with this woman where she really likes you, but has always wished you would kind of transform into someone else, this "perfect" being.

You're socially aware, educated, and have a strong drive to improve yourself. Seems like she isn't fully recognizing and appreciating these traits, or at least, she's letting the small things that bother her have a stronger weight in her opinion of you.

I don't know the details of your relationship, just wanted to comment on what I've observed from past stories! I really hope you can work something out with her - it's obvious how much you truly care about her.

 

[dskillzhtown]

Okay guys, I met a woman on POF. We exchanged messages on there for a couple of days, then exchanged numbers. She works overnight, so we usually text until I fall asleep while she is working and I am at home. So we decided to meet in person this week. Now we have talked on the phone, texted alot so we are pretty comfortable with each other. She did say she was comfortable with meeting at my house and then going out or just hanging out with at my crib. I BBQ'd a ton of food yesterday and she wanted to try some.

I am now thinking how weird it is for a woman to be fine with meeting at a guy's house these days. 'Isn't she worried"' has turned into 'Should I be worried?' quickly. We will see how it goes. If she is legit and all that, this could be a long term relationship.