1) I might have a date tomorrow. I really don't know at this point.
The girl who I didn't hear from on Friday keeps telling me her phone has been on the fritz and that's why she hasn't been replying to me and wasn't able to set-up plans to meet Friday night. I find it hard to believe, but went along with it.
She said she was busy yesterday and today, which is understandable given this untimely holiday. Her reply was maybe Monday, to which I said sure. But I've yet to hear back. I may send her another message to see when/where tomorrow, or try to set the time and location myself.
But if she's this dodgy it doesn't sound likely things will work out.
2) I ended up deleting BBM and the girl from Craigslist. She pissed me off tonight, and after the conversation had been going well for days, it kind of dried up. She's a bit different, it seems.
I sent her a message tonight, which said, "Hey." She replied with the same thing. I then (stupidly, and I kicked myself afterwards) said, "How's it going?" I should have just asked her what's up, because I'm not one to lie and didn't want to say it's going well when she replied. I just said, "ehh...alright. It's not my favourite holiday."
Her response was twofold:
A) "I feared you'd say that."
B) "We don't know eachother well enough for you to go emo on me, and though I don't mean to be a bitch, I don't want to talk about feelings because I don't do them well."
I told her that wasn't my intention, then just said bye and deleted her. I want to date someone who has emotions and isn't going to be ignorant. It's not like I broke down sobbing or flooded her with messages about it.
I'm sure you know this already, but dating and having a girlfriend won't magically fix your problems. She can't cure your loneliness unless she's around 24/7. That feeling of security could turn into anxiety when she's not around, when she's talking to other guys, etc. You feel self-conscious now. That doesn't go away when you have a girlfriend. In fact, it could make it worse with the doubting. Don't feel pressured by seeing your friends date. You can't rush or force a relationship.
About exercising: use yourself as motivation. Sometimes you can't always rely on other people. Your friend who's trying to get you to go should be commended for trying to help. Exercising releases serotonin and dopamine which improves your mood. It's good for your physical and mental health. Walking is not as good as other forms of exercise, but it's a start. If you're worried about dirt and germs, buy a treadmill and exercise at home. Weights also do the trick. Keep a log and establish a routine.
Want more disposable income? Go back to school. It's never too late to start: I've seen people in their 40's switch careers. If you don't want to go outside, do online-only courses. Don't want a full courseload? Take one or two every semester. Get a student loan, do some work on the side, and focus on something. It's a good way to keep your brain active and busy.
About your friend that keeps teasing you: cut contact. She's taking advantage of you. It's a situation that will not end well. I know you say she's a close friend but that's not what close friends do to each other.
I'm not an expert on mental illness so while the above sounds doable, it will vary from person to person. I'll conclude by saying that you do seem like a good person and I hope things work out for you. Good luck.
I know
My mental illness is really holding me back. I don't do things because I don't want to make mistakes, and I often don't have the energy to do a whole lot. Sometimes just getting through the day is a lot for me.
Maybe this doesn't make dating ideal, but when I do it it makes me happier and I feel that being in a relationship is something I could do/would do well. It'd have to be with someone accepting, but it would also give me motivation to work on myself.
