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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
It's not just okay, it's downright encouraged. You know how we constantly parrot "Don't put all your eggs in one basket"? That advice doesn't stop just because you're on a website.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Do you want to go to hell? Burn for an eternity?
If so, message multiple people on okcupid.
ZackieChan
Member
Brother, you should really go back like a dozen pages and read the thread. Of course you should be messaging multiple people. Until you're committed (both of you) don't stop doing that.
I feel like you missed this post in the other thread, directed at you:
she doesn't live near anyway
so i don't know why I haven't bothered askingalso I'm not sure why it's wrong to ask about this? isn't that suspicious?
You're a handsome dude. Shit, I wished I could grow a beard like that. It's a good face pic...if you have other pics showing off your interests and/or your body, you'll be golden.
she doesn't live near anyway
If you want to message her, message her anyway. On OKC, each profile has two locations associated with it. One where the girl says they are when they build the profile, and another where the girl is geo-tagged when she logs into the mobile app. That second one is where she really is.
so they can't see I'm messaging several people, right? Just to confirm.
thanks :blushes:
No one can tell how many people you're currently messaging or dating or anything, as long as you don't tell them. There's no risk in messaging multiple girls at the same time. None. Zero. Nada.
If you want to approach this in terms of morality, there is only one absolute: if there's an expectation of exclusivity, you should not be messaging other girls. This exclusivity could be explicit (you have a talk, both sides mention they're no longer doing anything with anyone else) or implicit (you've been dating 2+ months, she introduces you as "her boyfriend"). Anything before that moment is more relative than absolute. I personally won't get into bed with multiple women at the same time.
So if you see a girl, and you'd like to date her, message her. It's really that simple.
ZackieChan
Member
You look good, but that photo is blurry as fuck.
Even if they could, WHO CARES? You think she's only talking with you? She's not. No one is doing that. It's the reality of online dating.
And like I pointed out before, it is a little odd that you're asking about literally every move you're making on these apps. Sometimes you need to try and fail to learn how to do better. Fortune favors the bold, and all that. Is this how you act on an actual date?
Pasta_Soup
Member
It's weird to ask for tips/advice/reassurance on every single detail involving speaking to a woman. Especially when this thread, and the Dating-Age thread, have pages and pages of information that address everything you've been asking throughout the dating escapades of many individuals.
It's great you're looking to become more savvy at dating, but like Zackie has said, you'll learn so much more if you just think for yourself and act based on that. Making mistakes and learning from them is part of the process. Next time you receive a message, respond with your gut before asking Gaf and see what happens.
Also that picture you posted isn't good. Take a similar picture but keep the camera still next time. It comes off as "I don't know how to use a camera."
my thinking is delayed... I always realize what I should 5 minutes after it's too late.
my first instinct is to run lol, always find a way to escape conversation/closeness. that's why i seek advice from outside
it's not just with women really, i have difficulties talking/making friends.
my first instinct is to run lol, always find a way to escape conversation/closeness. that's why i seek advice from outside
it's not just with women really, i have difficulties talking/making friends.
Girl here.
So I had my first date ever with someone from okcupid and I thought it went really well and the guy was super cute, funny and charming. Watched a movie. Had coffee and ate out too. It led to kissing and some...really cool stuff😉. I was very confident I feel too! No fear!
He hasn't responded since I gave him an initial thank you for the good time and then the following day when I said something else, though. I'm wondering if I'm being ghosted. If I am, ah well. I don't regret it and won't forget my first time lol.
Anybody experience that? Looks like it's leading somewhere after the first date then silence?
So I had my first date ever with someone from okcupid and I thought it went really well and the guy was super cute, funny and charming. Watched a movie. Had coffee and ate out too. It led to kissing and some...really cool stuff😉. I was very confident I feel too! No fear!
He hasn't responded since I gave him an initial thank you for the good time and then the following day when I said something else, though. I'm wondering if I'm being ghosted. If I am, ah well. I don't regret it and won't forget my first time lol.
Anybody experience that? Looks like it's leading somewhere after the first date then silence?
ZackieChan
Member
Seems like that's a bigger issue. You're not the first on here. Need to work on the general social aspect of your life before being "good" at dating.
Great to hear you had a good time. Even if you get ghosted (we all do) just keep on doing what you're doing.
Thanks! I will certainly go back if I don't hear anything in a few days. Never late to have a date!
Passive Assassin
Member
can anyone critique my profile? can do via pm! also went on a date last sunday and hit it off pretty well... hopefully something will happen saturday!
Lucent
Member
Been only using OKCupid so far. I don't pay for it, so the 13 girls who like me are a mystery. Lol! Haven't really had any success messaging anyone so far. The girls I find both interesting (like I could see myself getting along with them) and attractive (to me) are few and far between.
Whenever I got a like on OKCupid, there were usually only one or two visitors to my profile since my last visit, so I could tell who liked me that way.
Man, I've been getting really cynical/burned out by online dating again; flaky girls; being given a poor excuse to give the fade, follow up only to dead silence then unmatched; not feeling excited about dating; feeling like a chore to follow up with girls after a first date since I didn't feel like following up. I want to channel all these experiences into an autobiographical comic mini comic series. I feel like I've been trying to move on from the short lived summer fling but I haven't fully. =/
I think I'm going to take a break from it in June for a few weeks. My therapist suggested to get out of the house and hang out with friends/hit the gym/attend some meetup groups since I didn't go outside for 5 days last week and felt cooped up inside and I haven't gone out for 2 weekends. He wants me to do that for the next two weeks until the next session. I also think I need to hang out with a small portion of my NYC GAF family either this weekend or next weekend.
On the plus side, I wrote one comic script, have been getting my work done for my internship and other job as soon as the tasks pop up, got a few freelance art gigs, setting some goals to accomplish, and have been selling stuff. It's not a lot since I can definitely work on some art, but it's a start.
On the topic of online dating, I've been talking to two girls on Tinder, another on OKC that seems promising since the girl sent me a block of text when I initiated and trying to meet up with a 30 year for the past 3 weeks but our schedules haven't been lining up. I'll keep trucking along. Thanks for letting me vent/reading.
TL; DR: Venting about online dating making me really cynical; been depressed because haven't been outside much; professional life is looking up a bit; thinking about taking a break in June; got a few leads.
I think I'm going to take a break from it in June for a few weeks. My therapist suggested to get out of the house and hang out with friends/hit the gym/attend some meetup groups since I didn't go outside for 5 days last week and felt cooped up inside and I haven't gone out for 2 weekends. He wants me to do that for the next two weeks until the next session. I also think I need to hang out with a small portion of my NYC GAF family either this weekend or next weekend.
On the plus side, I wrote one comic script, have been getting my work done for my internship and other job as soon as the tasks pop up, got a few freelance art gigs, setting some goals to accomplish, and have been selling stuff. It's not a lot since I can definitely work on some art, but it's a start.
On the topic of online dating, I've been talking to two girls on Tinder, another on OKC that seems promising since the girl sent me a block of text when I initiated and trying to meet up with a 30 year for the past 3 weeks but our schedules haven't been lining up. I'll keep trucking along. Thanks for letting me vent/reading.
TL; DR: Venting about online dating making me really cynical; been depressed because haven't been outside much; professional life is looking up a bit; thinking about taking a break in June; got a few leads.
User 479360
Banned
I have a date tomorrow!
I found a new match on OkCupid, and decided to message her. She replied almost immediately, and we spent the last two and a half hours talking.
She asked me if I'd like to meet tomorrow, said she thinks I'm really handsome and we set something up to go to a restaurant that we both like a lot. Then maybe a movie afterwards.
Apparently she's really excited. I am too.
I found a new match on OkCupid, and decided to message her. She replied almost immediately, and we spent the last two and a half hours talking.
She asked me if I'd like to meet tomorrow, said she thinks I'm really handsome and we set something up to go to a restaurant that we both like a lot. Then maybe a movie afterwards.
Apparently she's really excited. I am too.
ZackieChan
Member
Who's paying?
Jk. Congrats dude. Enjoy yourself!
Jk. Congrats dude. Enjoy yourself!
User 479360
Banned
Haha. Thanks.
I'm going to pay, most-likely. Unless she's not into that. Some women won't let you.
I was honest with her, and she has similar issues/is also on disability, but works part-time in a bar whereas I work part-time from home. She also likes cats and seems to really like me.
ZackieChan
Member
Great! Let us know how things go.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
For me, I couldn't date until I fully moved on from my last relationship. I thought I did all the "right" things after breaking up: took a couple months off websites, worked on myself, and did some new things. I reactivated my profiles later, and while I talked to and met girls, something felt off. I talked to a friend about this, and he had a similar experience moving on. Not sure when/how things turned around for both of us but it's different for everyone.
So while it may be burnout or a string of bad luck, it may also be you. But it seems like other parts of your life are looking up, so stay positive.
I noticed that you are in New York City, so I have to ask, is it really that difficult in NYC? I thought that city was supposed to be a paradise for men because of the ratio of women to men.
User 479360
Banned
Well, I just got home from my first date with this girl about 25 minutes ago. It started at about 6:45pm and ended at 1-something in the morning. Needless to say, it went well .
I lost track of time in the afternoon, while playing Far Harbor. I wanted to finish it, but those damned puzzles. I finally finished the last one half an hour before I was supposed to be at her place and thought I had enough time. Time flew, though, so I let her know I'd be a bit late and was there at the time I said I would be, fifteen minutes past the original time. She was fine with it, and I apologized.
We made it to the restaurant -- a favourite of ours, and I know the owners through one of my best friends as he's their cousin -- and had a good meal. She had eaten a bit before, because her roommate barbecued, so she didn't eat everything and since it was closing time/I didn't want to sit and eat in front of her, I got the rest of mine in a doggy bag.
The meal went well. I was kinda awkward, but we talked a lot and had good conversation.
Afterwards, she didn't want to go to the movies and asked if we could get coffee instead. I paid for the meal -- which seemed to surprise her, as she'd brought money -- and she got the coffee. It was too loud in Timmy's, though, and she wanted to smoke, so we walked back to the truck and then decided we'd go to a park for a bit to drink our coffees.
We sat there for a while, talked and had a good time. Then, she invited me back to her place, once her roommate's kids were in bed. We went out in the backyard, sat at the patio and talked, then went inside to her basement apartment and watched Deadpool/listened to music. Also hung out with the cat, as he wanted lots of attention.
I was too nervous to make a move to hold her hand or cuddle, but kept inching closer. The cat took a shit 3/4 into the movie and we had to vacate because it smelled so bad and the spray didn't work immediately. We went back outside, had a great open conversation, then went back in. Because of what we'd talked about -- including her asking me if I'd be up for doing it again -- I was more confident and put my arm around her when we went back downstairs to finish the movie.
We cuddled, and she kissed me a couple of times. Then we cuddled more and kissed more, and talked about related things.
She almost fell asleep in my arms and loved it.
.I lost track of time in the afternoon, while playing Far Harbor. I wanted to finish it, but those damned puzzles. I finally finished the last one half an hour before I was supposed to be at her place and thought I had enough time. Time flew, though, so I let her know I'd be a bit late and was there at the time I said I would be, fifteen minutes past the original time. She was fine with it, and I apologized.
We made it to the restaurant -- a favourite of ours, and I know the owners through one of my best friends as he's their cousin -- and had a good meal. She had eaten a bit before, because her roommate barbecued, so she didn't eat everything and since it was closing time/I didn't want to sit and eat in front of her, I got the rest of mine in a doggy bag.
The meal went well. I was kinda awkward, but we talked a lot and had good conversation.
Afterwards, she didn't want to go to the movies and asked if we could get coffee instead. I paid for the meal -- which seemed to surprise her, as she'd brought money -- and she got the coffee. It was too loud in Timmy's, though, and she wanted to smoke, so we walked back to the truck and then decided we'd go to a park for a bit to drink our coffees.
We sat there for a while, talked and had a good time. Then, she invited me back to her place, once her roommate's kids were in bed. We went out in the backyard, sat at the patio and talked, then went inside to her basement apartment and watched Deadpool/listened to music. Also hung out with the cat, as he wanted lots of attention.
I was too nervous to make a move to hold her hand or cuddle, but kept inching closer. The cat took a shit 3/4 into the movie and we had to vacate because it smelled so bad and the spray didn't work immediately. We went back outside, had a great open conversation, then went back in. Because of what we'd talked about -- including her asking me if I'd be up for doing it again -- I was more confident and put my arm around her when we went back downstairs to finish the movie.
We cuddled, and she kissed me a couple of times. Then we cuddled more and kissed more, and talked about related things.
She almost fell asleep in my arms and loved it.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I'm proud of you. And happy for you. You are one of this thread's success stories.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks. I appreciate it.
It was funny: She told me that she's been on OKC for two weeks, and has received a lot of solicitations for sex. When she saw my message, she expected the same, but was pleasantly surprised.
Then, when we started texting, and I randomly sent her a picture, she got worried that it'd be a dick pick (of which I have 0). However, it was a picture of my cat, because as it turns out her roommate also has a cat named Hobo and we both love cats.
If it hadn't of been a first date, I think things could have progressed to the bedroom, but neither of us really intended for that.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're doing way better than I am, man. That might be food for thought, possibly.
It's all about finding whom you're compatible with, and it sounds like you might have.Think I've finally figured out how to describe my job without it sounding creepy. Too easy for it to give off stalker vibes or just piss off internet privacy advocates. Need to focus more on the theory, less on the implementation.
Something going wrong with the lady? Getting into your own head again?
You're doing way better than I am, man. That might be food for thought, possibly.
Something going wrong with the lady? Getting into your own head again?
Hah, I had about the same comment from my current girlfriend about our first date, she told me a few months later. At first she had gotten the impression that I was looking mostly for sex, but once she met she didn't at all get that vibe from me which made her like me more.
AlephAlpha
Member
Gaf, I need some feedback about my tinder pictures. I am pretty self-conscious about my looks and never really happy about them and so I have a hard time choosing pictures of myself (and also, I don't have a lot)
Lately, my luck on Tinder has been pretty bad, so I am looking for some honest feedback.
Quote for the URL to the pics.
Lately, my luck on Tinder has been pretty bad, so I am looking for some honest feedback.
Quote for the URL to the pics.
AlephAlpha
Member
Thanks
Well, that's exactly what it is. I know that selfies are not the best option, but as of now, I don't feel comfortable asking someone to take a photo for me. Any suggestion on how to make a selfie less awkward?
Gonna have to suck it up and ask someone to take photos. Online dating is being able to present yourself and photos are a big part of it.
Get out of your comfort zone, man. Ask your family/friends to take a photo or two. Especially if you are out and about.
And if you don't go out with them often, go out by yourself to an interesting spot and just ask a stranger to take a photo. People are more than willing to help if you ask them.
Get out of your comfort zone, man. Ask your family/friends to take a photo or two. Especially if you are out and about.
And if you don't go out with them often, go out by yourself to an interesting spot and just ask a stranger to take a photo. People are more than willing to help if you ask them.
Get a tripod and learn how to use a remote and/or timer. Much easier to just ask someone tho. You think it's awkward asking a stranger to take your pic, imagine the awkwardness of having a tripod setup to take your pic....
User 479360
Banned
Nice
I don't give off that impression at all in person. But I do need to work on things still, as there's definite room for improvement.
I spent most of the movie afraid to hold her hand or cuddle with her yet we were back at her place. I talked about my anxiety, so she worried about overstepping boundaries and me being uncomfortable. That type of stuff.
I also need to find a way to show I'm having a good time better.
On the plus side, I continue to be a great cuddler, or so I'm told, and am very comfortable. So, I guess there's an upside to being fat.
ZackieChan
Member
Yeah, 2nd photo is awful. First is good. Go somewhere cool and get photographs. Go with someone who likes taking them and you can take them of each other.
User 479360
Banned
The pictures on my profile are kinda horrible as well.
This girl thought they were cute, especially the one in pajama pants, and thinks I'm handsome...so I guess they're not too horrible.
This girl thought they were cute, especially the one in pajama pants, and thinks I'm handsome...so I guess they're not too horrible.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
That's good to hear Chewie. Don't worry too much about making a move. There are different ways to show interest in someone. As long as you enjoy each other's company and want to see each other again, there's no rush.
User 479360
Banned
I eventually made it when we went back downstairs and I put my arm around her, then she kissed me multiple times not too long after.
AlephAlpha
Member
Thanks for the feedback.
I travel a lot for work, so I guess that's a way to have some decent scenery for pictures.
I travel a lot for work, so I guess that's a way to have some decent scenery for pictures.
User 479360
Banned
My female friend told me that my pictures suck, and that she was going to go out with me to get some, but we didn't do it. I dreaded it, too, because I hate being photographed.
Use that shit to your advantage.
User 479360
Banned
I texted her earlier, and jokingly mentioned that I had purchased the water I owed her because I drank so much of hers last night (thirsty, plus I had to donate blood today and my veins are hard to find so I have to drink a TON of water). I actually did buy some, to be nice.
I told her I had fun last night, and thanked her for inviting me back. Apologized for being super awkward. She said we should do it again sometime, and that she's free Sunday-Wednesday nights. She wants to do something Sunday.
I told her I had fun last night, and thanked her for inviting me back. Apologized for being super awkward. She said we should do it again sometime, and that she's free Sunday-Wednesday nights. She wants to do something Sunday.