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[Shanlei91]

So how do super likes work on tinder?

The person who is super liked receives a notification "you've been super liked". While swiping, they will eventually come across your profile and it will say "this person super liked you!"

Basically you're telling them that you swiped right.

When it first came out it would put you at the top of their swiping queue but that was changed shortly after. Example: I saw a friend from highschool on there, super liked her and we matched a week later. She says I didn't come up until then.

 

[jwk94]

The person who is super liked receives a notification "you've been super liked". While swiping, they will eventually come across your profile and it will say "this person super liked you!"

Basically you're telling them that you swiped right.

When it first came out it would put you at the top of their swiping queue but that was changed shortly after. Example: I saw a friend from highschool on there, super liked her and we matched a week later. She says I didn't come up until then.

Hmm, so if it tells them you super liked them, would Tinder Plus be worth the investment?

 

[Shanlei91]

Hmm, so if it tells them you super liked them, would Tinder Plus be worth the investment?

It could be - I would say about 4/5 of the women I super like end up liking me back. With plus you get 5 every 12 hours.

Like the app itself, results vary based on the area. I think it's worth it for at least a month to try out. The boost feature seems like something that would only be worth it if you were on vacation and impatient for a match.

 

[gwailo]

So I asked this girl out for a drink that I've been speaking to on Twitter for ages. She said yes but she was currently back at home (stays in Scotland, born in England) so it would when she got back up. I mezsaged her today as she said she would be back at the weekend, she was all 'Cool blah blah blah but it'll need to be before Sunday or after tThursday as my not quite boyfriend/ex/still a thing person is over from Paris in 5 days'.

...the fuck do I even begin to approach that?

Don't bother with her.

Also don't message people "for ages" before asking them out.

 

[Calderc]

Don't bother with her.

Also don't message people "for ages" before asking them out.

Nah it wasn't like that, i was in a relationshio when we first started speaking. It was just Twitter banter.

 

[jwk94]

It could be - I would say about 4/5 of the women I super like end up liking me back. With plus you get 5 every 12 hours.

Like the app itself, results vary based on the area. I think it's worth it for at least a month to try out. The boost feature seems like something that would only be worth it if you were on vacation and impatient for a match.

Signed up. Hopefully things go well. Overall, I'm kinda hating Tinder. It makes me feel inadequate.

 

[Noema]

I'm getting quite frustrated with Tinder.

Getting matches is not a problem. The problem is that 9 put of 10 never respond. And out of the ones who do eventually respond, I never get anything but the most tepid, lukewarm, lazy responses in 9 out of 10 cases.

It doesn't matter what approach I take: funny, flirty, polite, playful.

It's almost exhausting. And exasperating. Any advice?

I live in Mexico city, by the way. Women here tend to be somewhat conservative and I guess I should mention that.

 

[ZackieChan]

I had difficulties getting anything going when I was in Oaxaca. Maybe it's cultural. Had to meet a girl IRL at a bar to go out with. Difficult for me with my terrible Spanish, but she spoke English 😉

 

[Assanova]

I'm getting quite frustrated with Tinder.

Getting matches is not a problem. The problem is that 9 put of 10 never respond. And out of the ones who do eventually respond, I never get anything but the most tepid, lukewarm, lazy responses in 9 out of 10 cases.

It doesn't matter what approach I take: funny, flirty, polite, playful.

It's almost exhausting. And exasperating. Any advice?

I live in Mexico city, by the way. Women here tend to be somewhat conservative and I guess I should mention that.

I think the problem with tinder is that it has turned into a social platform for girls to see who likes them and boost their self esteem. They use it the same way they use Instagram or Snapchat. If you want women who are there to date, go to a paid dating platform like Match. An app like tinder with a low cost of entry tends to attract people that aren't serious about actually dating.

 

[Shanlei91]

I think the problem with tinder is that it has turned into a social platform for girls to see who likes them and boost their self esteem. They use it the same way they use Instagram or Snapchat. If you want women who are there to date, go to a paid dating platform like Match. An app like tinder with a low cost of entry tends to attract people that aren't serious about actually dating.

This.

The majority of women I've met on Tinder have told me they were using it like a phone game and that I was the first guy they decided to actually go on a date with. I apparently excel at appearing non-threatening and fun. Jokes on them, I'm a bore.

 

[True Savior]

Girls are on Tinder for the same reason dudes are. To fuck, to meet people or just to talk. I don't know the distribution, but it's silly to put people in one basket.

If you are having matches and you can't get dates, there's something wrong with your texting.

 

[gwailo]

If you're finding it exhausting, you're putting too much effort in. Embrace the laziness that online dating provides.

Don't worry about creating the perfect profile; just some good pictures and a bit of text is good.

Don't search for hours looking for the perfect person to message; you're never going to find it.

Don't send overly long/involved messages - would you take two minutes to say hello to someone you just met?

Don't spend a lot of time texting/messaging before going out and keep the first date/meetup simple and cheap.

 

[jadedm17]

Message me if :
Youre Jewish
Youre open to lifes endless possibilities

What? Those contradict each other, right?

Google says 1.4% of the US is Jewish : What part of that does this girl think are single, similar age, in her state, and genuinely decent? There goes 98.6% of your dating pool before even factoring in those.

 

[Shanlei91]

Message me if :
Youre Jewish
Youre open to lifes endless possibilities

What? Those contradict each other, right?

Google says 1.4% of the US is Jewish : What part of that does this girl think are single, similar age, in her state, and genuinely decent? There goes 98.6% of your dating pool before even factoring in those.

I read Okcupid profiles backwards because of this. Living in NY, I kept scrolling through a profile, reading every line, thinking I found the perfect girl. Then the last line would say "only message me if you're jewish".

 

[ZackieChan]

I read Okcupid profiles backwards because of this. Living in NY, I kept scrolling through a profile, reading every line, thinking I found the perfect girl. Then the last line would say "only message me if you're jewish".

The time has come

 

[Shanlei91]

The time has come

I would if I wasn't so excited about the idea of lying to my future kids about Santa Claus.

 

[ZackieChan]

I would if I wasn't so excited about the idea of lying to my future kids about Santa Claus.

That's why it's so nice believing in nothing - I can enjoy everything.

 

[Shanlei91]

That's why it's so nice believing in nothing - I can enjoy everything.

Except Orthodox Jewish women. ಠ_ಠ

 

[User 479360]

The girl I posted about before -- who was dealing with depression and suicidal, and came here after I talked her out of it two times -- wants to be friends with benefits. She has a boyfriend (online, lives in another country; an awfully similar situation to the last girl who wanted to be fwb).

 

[Ridisc]

The girl I posted about before -- who was dealing with depression and suicidal, and came here after I talked her out of it two times -- wants to be friends with benefits. She has a boyfriend (online, lives in another country; an awfully similar situation to the last girl who wanted to be fwb).

So ive had a similar situation before with a girl from group therapy and it became very messy very quickly, sadly

 

[ZackieChan]

The girl I posted about before -- who was dealing with depression and suicidal, and came here after I talked her out of it two times -- wants to be friends with benefits. She has a boyfriend (online, lives in another country; an awfully similar situation to the last girl who wanted to be fwb).

I thought this was the same girl until that last sentence. So what do you think?

Except Orthodox Jewish women. ಠ_ಠ

Touché

 

[User 479360]

So ive had a similar situation before with a girl from group therapy and it became very messy very quickly, sadly

Sorry to hear that.

I thought this was the same girl until that last sentence. So what do you think?

I don't know what to think. A lot of me wants to do it, but part of me is worried and feels bad about wanting to.

The other girl moved to the States, but for school. She got accepted into a program in the same state the guy is in. Good for them, although I miss hanging out with her (non-sexually).

This is the girl I went out on a date with a year ago, after meeting online, and it went really well. We went for drinks then to a movie, and she grabbed my hand. It was one of my better dates.

After that, she told me she felt it wouldn't be a good idea to date right then, because she needed to work on herself. She'd recently attempted suicide, and was feeling very depressed. It sucked, but I understood.

We talked on social media off and on, and she kept saying she should treat me sometime soon, because I'd paid for everything the first time. She eventually did, although I told her she didn't have to, and we went out for food then to a movie. She held my hand again, then asked me if she could kiss me when I dropped her off (at her car, left at the restaurant.)

We've seen each other twice since (well, she said she saw me once at her work when I got there just as it was being evacuated due to a fire alarm). Both times she was going to harm herself permanently, and I talked her out of it, then invited her over here.

I've liked her, despite the issues, but didn't make any moves on her out of respect for the state she was in. I wasn't going to take advantage of anyone who was down and out.

Tonight, she posted on Facebook, a picture of a male actor she had a crush on years ago. It was a meme that said anyone who didn't have one was a liar, so I posted about being an honest liar. Then I got a message from her saying I was cute, too, and it went from there.

I guess, despite all the hints, she didn't think I liked her that way, because I didn't make a move, by trying to make out with her or pull her shirt off (I think she's been around too many douchebags). I told her I just didn't want to take advantage of her, was nervous and that kind of thing.

She said she wants to have sex, but thought I'd be too innocent.

Oh, I remember: It really started after the cute line, when she said that I was the most pure guy she knew, and I told her that I just keep the impure thoughts to myself. She wanted to know what my fantasy was.

 

[Loxley]

When you find a pretty girl with a profile that matches your own in nearly every way...only to notice at the last second before you message her that she's a smoker.

 

[Salamando]

I don't know what to think. A lot of me wants to do it, but part of me is worried and feels bad about wanting to.

There are two questions you should focus on:
Is it wise to help someone cheat on their BF, to be the other man?
Is it wise to get involved with someone who turns to relative strangers to talk them out of suicide?

 

[User 479360]

There are two questions you should focus on:
Is it wise to help someone cheat on their BF, to be the other man?
Is it wise to get involved with someone who turns to relative strangers to talk them out of suicide?

I struggle with the first one. Haven't done anything.

I wouldn't say I'm a relative stranger, but I get the point.

I don't know.

She messaged me today and said, "Wow, I was drunk last night." I deleted the conversation and the picture she sent me, and let her know, but she said she regrets nothing.

 

[Shanlei91]

When you find a pretty girl with a profile that matches your own in nearly every way...only to notice at the last second before you message her that she's a smoker.

Finding out when you make out during the first date is much worse.

 

[ZackieChan]

I struggle with the first one. Haven't done anything.

I wouldn't say I'm a relative stranger, but I get the point.

I don't know.

She messaged me today and said, "Wow, I was drunk last night." I deleted the conversation and the picture she sent me, and let her know, but she said she regrets nothing.

Your notions of chivalry are holding you back from happiness

 

[User 479360]

Your notions of chivalry are holding you back from happiness

True. They often do.

 

[ZackieChan]

True. They often do.

Well? Time to knock that off

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I think becoming FWB with a girl who already has a boyfriend and has issues with depression and suicide is bad news. It's good that you're able to help her, but don't get any more involved. I really can't see a situation like that ending well for any of you.

 

[Salamando]

I think becoming FWB with a girl who already has a boyfriend and has issues with depression and suicide is bad news. It's good that you're able to help her, but don't get any more involved. I really can't see a situation like that ending well for any of you.

Yup. There's some room for debate on how bad it is to be "the other person", but it's unilaterally agreed that cheating on someone is a shitty thing to do. If she recognizes how shitty she is for cheating, it'll make her depression worse. Then you get to talk her off the (potentially literal) ledge...again.

 

[User 479360]

Yeah, I know. Nothing has happened and we haven't talked today.

I don't want to be that guy, but I don't know if she's serious about this guy in Texas. I want to talk to her about it.

It's hard for me to turn down sex and opportunities for such things, because I never get it. I'm a loner who spends 90% of his time sleeping, watching TV or colouring with my cat sitting beside me. I'm overweight, hairy, balding, etc. and don't do well in social situations, and have zero luck online.

 

[Symphonia]

So I set up a new Tinder profile yesterday, and already have four matches, with conversations going on with two of them. I'd say that's a pretty good start. Already discussing going ice skating with one of them as an ice-breaker first date.

 

[AlephAlpha]

"Don't break the ice you skate on" (old Inuit proverb)

 

[Jhoan]

If you're finding it exhausting, you're putting too much effort in. Embrace the laziness that online dating provides.

Don't worry about creating the perfect profile; just some good pictures and a bit of text is good.

Don't search for hours looking for the perfect person to message; you're never going to find it.

Don't send overly long/involved messages - would you take two minutes to say hello to someone you just met?

Don't spend a lot of time texting/messaging before going out and keep the first date/meetup simple and cheap.

I quietly threw the above post into the OP about a week ago or so since this was solid stuff.

Spoiler

If anyone still reads the OP that is.

I read Okcupid profiles backwards because of this. Living in NY, I kept scrolling through a profile, reading every line, thinking I found the perfect girl. Then the last line would say "only message me if you're jewish".

I've encountered this many times as well. In my limited experience with Jewish girls, they have to be really liberal and/or into activism to avoid the "Message me if you're Jewish" trap. Although I swear, the last Jewish girl I went out with kept reminding me of Seinfeld for some inexplicable reason. I think it was something in the smile and the eyes.

I was surprised to learn that one of my good friends who's Jewish has a thing for this Dominican girl---who he hit it off with when we hung out as a group on his birthday over the summer---since they've been trying to meet up for weeks. Then again, his sect of Judaism is pretty liberal so I get a kick out of learning about the fascinating world of Judaism in exchange for explaining the world of all things Hispanic; he's given Brugal rum his seal of approval.

I mentioned last month that I felt burned out by dating from my last short-lived romance and needed more time to "mourn" the end of it (I wasn't thrilled about the lone date I went on last month). Well I think I'm getting back on the horse properly now since I've been speaking to two girls from CMB and OKC respectively. Tinder has been dry as a well since I haven't been motivated to message any of my matches.

The former is free to meet up today and tomorrow night; the latter said she'll shoot me a text to hang out after Thanksgiving week. One of the few reasons I'm hesitant to go on a date again is because I feel like I've lost my flirting mojo in addition to all the holidays and shopping to do in the next month or so and balancing time. I usually take a break from dating between the months of October and January. Then again, two dates won't kill me so I'll reply to the CMB girl and set something up for tomorrow night.

 

[jwk94]

So what's up with Tinder constantly showing the same people?

 

[True Savior]

So what's up with Tinder constantly showing the same people?

Probably not working. Either log in again or start over.

 

[Symphonia]

So what's up with Tinder constantly showing the same people?

It did it a few times with me today but swiped left and then they were gone.

 

[Jhoan]

So what's up with Tinder constantly showing the same people?

They probably swiped right to you but you swiped left or something along those lines. I get matches like that in my rotation all the time. I swipe left and that's it.

I'm noticing a ton of "new to the city" girls on my Tinder rotation. It's slightly irritating since out of town girls can be hit or miss.

 

[Shanlei91]

Anyone else also do a quick lookup on the internet before meeting someone? Find anything that makes you cancel the meetup? Normally it would be finding out that photos posted aren't recent but in the last two months I've found out several women who wanted to hookup were already married, so I bailed. This past Sunday a girl wanted to come over and before I gave her my address I looked her up and found an ABC piece on her covering her on being a millenial with schizophrenia. Soooo I decided to watch Walking Dead instead.

So what's up with Tinder constantly showing the same people?

I feel like it's some kind of connection error. Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid all do that to me on occasion.

I've encountered this many times as well. In my limited experience with Jewish girls, they have to be really liberal and/or into activism to avoid the "Message me if you're Jewish" trap. Although I swear, the last Jewish girl I went out with kept reminding me of Seinfeld for some inexplicable reason. I think it was something in the smile and the eyes.

I dated a Jewish girl for two years who was super liberal but I think there was pressure from her parents. It began with "I don't care if you're Jewish!" to "Would you convert for me?" Her grandmother would speak to me in private and constantly allude to the idea that the rest of them think of me as an outsider. There was definitely pressure from her family.

 

[Symphonia]

Anyone else also do a quick lookup on the internet before meeting someone? Find anything that makes you cancel the meetup? Normally it would be finding out that photos posted aren't recent but in the last two months I've found out several women who wanted to hookup were already married, so I bailed. This past Sunday a girl wanted to come over and before I gave her my address I looked her up and found an ABC piece on her covering her on being a millenial with schizophrenia. Soooo I decided to watch Walking Dead instead.

You bailed because she was in the news? Or because she's a millenial? Or because she suffers from mental health issues?

 

[Shanlei91]

You bailed because she was in the news? Or because she's a millenial? Or because she suffers from mental health issues?

All of the above.

 

[Symphonia]

All of the above.

Being in the news I can understand, but she can't help being a millenial, and she certainly can't help her mental issues. If you ask me, those are both shitty reasons to cancel on someone.

 

[Jokab]

Being in the news I can understand, but she can't help being a millenial, and she certainly can't help her mental issues. If you ask me, those are both shitty reasons to cancel on someone.

Not wanting to date someone with a serious mental illness is a perfectly valid reason to cancel.

 

[Shanlei91]

Being in the news I can understand, but she can't help being a millenial, and she certainly can't help her mental issues. If you ask me, those are both shitty reasons to cancel on someone.

Kidding about the other two. But to clarify, if I found out she had a serious mental illness and we were going out for coffee, drinks or just a regular date then I wouldn't have cancelled and instead given it a shot. But she wanted to just come over to my place. I feel like it's worth being more cautious and pickier in that scenario.

 

[Jhoan]

Anyone else also do a quick lookup on the internet before meeting someone? Find anything that makes you cancel the meetup? Normally it would be finding out that photos posted aren't recent but in the last two months I've found out several women who wanted to hookup were already married, so I bailed. This past Sunday a girl wanted to come over and before I gave her my address I looked her up and found an ABC piece on her covering her on being a millenial with schizophrenia. Soooo I decided to watch Walking Dead instead.

.......

I dated a Jewish girl for two years who was super liberal but I think there was pressure from her parents. It began with "I don't care if you're Jewish!" to "Would you convert for me?" Her grandmother would speak to me in private and constantly allude to the idea that the rest of them think of me as an outsider. There was definitely pressure from her family.

To the first paragraph/question: Nope, I never do unless I have any reason to suspect that it might be too good to be true or if it's a straight up hook up. I Googled my own name and the first thing that pops is my Twitter then another dude with my same name then stuff related to my work. No skeletons in my closet though even though I list GAF on my Twitter bio but even then, I have nothing to hide on GAF.

As for your reply, I completely agree with that. The Jewish girl I had previously gone out with came from a large family and at one point in her OKC profile had listed that her grandma wanted her to look for a guy to sweep her off her feet before she rewrote it. There was a friend of mines from high school who got married to an Indian girl but he got married in the traditional Indian wedding way.

I think that in the end of the day, the stronger the person has to his/her religious ties, the harder it's going to be to get away from it all. Family playing a strong role in the person's life makes it that much harder. It's one of the bigger downsides of going out with those kinds of women unless they completely severed their ties with the religion and/or are completely independent. Still love me some Jewish girls though.

On another note, last night's date went pretty solid. She had a pretty face but was a bit on the thicker side for my liking. That being said, I was still attracted her as we had plenty of good chemistry. Once I broke the sexual tension, it lead to loads of make out sessions, dry humping/fingering, and at one point, I had my hand inside one of her bras and rubbed her breast while she had her hand on my crotch. I caught a look at her breast at one point.

I think she wanted me to take her home because she was asking how far I was from where we currently at. I told her that I live with family after a long pause and even then (I didn't mention this) my room was a bit of a mess. I mean my mom doesn't care if I bring girls to the house since it's usually straight to my room any way but ultimately, after putting it off, I didn't go for it. She alluded to her place having a rooftop at one point but I suppose that will have to be continued. I walked her to her train then parted ways with her. I think I'm the type of person that doesn't want to pork right off the first date.

I haven't followed up with her but I will sometime today. There's a good chance that I could end up hitting a home run on the next date assuming I didn't miss my chance to go home with her last night. If I did, then no sweat off my back because at I realized that I didn't lose my dating mojo; I had it in me the whole time but it was dormant and only comes out on a case by case basis. That time off from dating turned out to be a good thing in the end.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Damn, I need to relearn my texting skills or something... Haven't been dating for over a year. Got two dates earlier this month, but didn't really feel it. Got some responses again from a few girls on Tinder and OKC, but I draw a blank on actually keeping the conversation flowing. I need to stop caring and just write some stupid stuff.

 

[Sky Chief]

Tinder Boost just shows how flakey Tinder can be. I can Boost and then get matches from my Boost hours or even a day or two later.

 

[Assanova]

Tinder Boost just shows how flakey Tinder can be. I can Boost and then get matches from my Boost hours or even a day or two later.

So Tinder trickles in your matches? I've always suspected this.

 

[Assanova]

Damn, I need to relearn my texting skills or something... Haven't been dating for over a year. Got two dates earlier this month, but didn't really feel it. Got some responses again from a few girls on Tinder and OKC, but I draw a blank on actually keeping the conversation flowing. I need to stop caring and just write some stupid stuff.

If it gets to this point, then the girl isn't showing enough interest. Outside of the first or second message, conversation should be easy if the girl is interested and not just wasting your time. They will usually ask you questions to keep the conversation going. If a girl doesn't ask me anything or do something to keep the conversation going after a couple of messages, then I am out.