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[GK86]

Go get 'em tiger. It looks like it's smooth sailing for you.

The date went well. Had a drink before the movie and talked about a couple of things. Afterwards, we bs'd for an hour before making out. Got to second base (she did as well). She is a really fun girl to be around. Not complicated when I really like.

It's been a while since I've posted an update. Kyne and GK86 were right on the nose with the Australian girl wanting to find a means of escape; I tried contacting 3 times across but I got nothing back so I eventually deleted her number and moved on ages ago. I also tried contacting the girl I went to the museum but got no reply back so I moved on from her as well.

Yeah dude, no reason to keep on trying. Onto the next one.

 

[StarlordDial]

Sheesh ;_; kinda hard to find a date out here in hawaii D: i'm asian and it's even more harder ;_; i need to try harder

 

[Soi-Fong]

Hmm was chatting with a girl on OKC for a bit, but after I asked for her number. Radio silence... lol Granted, it's been less than a day, but still.. I think I know enough of a sign when I see one.

Onto the next one. lol

 

[Kevyt]

For those that have used OKC and POF... how does POF compare to OKC, which one do you like better (or "is" better). I see from my friends that OKC is becoming more popular now, and it feels like POF had its days but it's beginning to age.

 

[120v]

i've never used POF, just OKC... but POF looks like garbage pretty much. that isn't to say you can't have any success with it, though

 

[davepoobond]

For those that have used OKC and POF... how does POF compare to OKC, which one do you like better (or "is" better). I see from my friends that OKC is becoming more popular now, and it feels like POF had its days but it's beginning to age.

I think they attract different crowds. Pof takes a lot less effort to set up and okcupid can really be tedious and informative, so I think you can find people who are looking for more serious relationships on okcupid than pof

 

[stn]

Folks...question regarding fake profiles. I see very hot girl, I message. She replies.

Why Its Fake:
-She didn't look at my profile after replying to my message
-She wants to move to Skype immediately

Why Its Real:
-Pics do not bring results on reverse image search
-Normal profile full of grammatical errors but thats it
-Replies very selectively (if a scammer then he/she would reply to everyone)

Willing to PM the profile in question. Opinions?

 

[davepoobond]

Does she respond anymore after telling you Skype? Also does the Skype name "match" the persons name in any way?

And don't be fooled by the replies selectively. If its a catfish account they specifically target certain types of people, not just everyone.

 

[stn]

Its been silent since Skype. She mentioned she could Skype Monday after she gets her laptop repaired. I didn't get her username yet, I stopped replying after she suggested it. I'm thinking its fake but its mostly the lack of reverse image results that threw me off. Can send you her profile if you wanna have a look.

 

[davepoobond]

Sure.

I think the laptop repair thing is also a ploy, one scammer I was fooled by temporarily ("she" had very good grammar and was very obviously American or at least American taught) said they sent their laptop out for repair and were using a crappy computer without a webcam and that's why they aren't able to use the camera via Web chat or whatever (I never webcammed, only got to the point where we did yahoo messenger)

 

[GK86]

Those would be red flags with me. Especially the moving to another communication medium so fast.

 

[Azulsky]

Just out of curiosity, for other OKCupid users, If you use a pretty loose match filter, say

1. + or - 5 yrs your age
2. Within 50miles
3. Online Last Month
4. Whatever your prefence is for x looking for y or gay/straight/bi only

How many 90%+ matches do you have, How many 80-90%?

I have 36, and ~150 respectively

Also I have this thing that says I appeared in x search results in the last day. Seems to be averaging ~650

I also cant quite understand how a person can have Match % + Enemy % > 100. I suppose thats due to weighting of not important, somewhat important, very important for the questions, even if you havent answered it.

 

[Rich!]

So, whats the best kind of photos to use for yourself? Selfies? Action shots? Wearing a silly wig and a crazy ass shirt?

 

[Azulsky]

So, whats the best kind of photos to use for yourself? Selfies? Action shots? Wearing a silly wig and a crazy ass shirt?

I think the best answer for this are the type of pictures you like seeing in other peoples profiles.

Smiles are good. Hobbies are good. Pictures that show you leave the house are good.
A pic that would include a adorable Doge or fluffy Kittah is a plus. Silly pictures are good unless you did it just to make a picture.

 

[jwk94]

Is there a way to see who likes you on OKCupid without signing up for A-List?

 

[Twio]

Went on a date with that Brazilian exchange student I mentioned here before yesterday who was kind of hesitant to go on a date with me and while it wasn't horrible, it wasn't good either.

I was the one talking 90% of the time and when I asked him why he wasn't talking (I asked him twice) he told me that he's really shy and he doesn't talk much with his friends either. He also said something about not caring about dating much and that the one he went on with me was his first ever so I'm not really sure about what to do here. I'm torn between pursuing another date to see if he opens up a little bit more or just letting it die.

 

[GK86]

If he admitted to not talking much around his own friends, I don't think he is going to open up more.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Went on a date with that Brazilian exchange student I mentioned here before yesterday who was kind of hesitant to go on a date with me and while it wasn't horrible, it wasn't good either.

I was the one talking 90% of the time and when I asked him why he wasn't talking (I asked him twice) he told me that he's really shy and he doesn't talk much with his friends either. He also said something about not caring about dating much and that the one he went on with me was his first ever so I'm not really sure about what to do here. I'm torn between pursuing another date to see if he opens up a little bit more or just letting it die.

Same happened with me and a my 2nd date off of POF. In the profile she say's she's a student, similar to the current girl I'm dating, but with her the date was shit. Got there and then she's stiff as a board. "I'm a student, but here on a work visa as an Au pair." I say, tell me about that, "errr........well it's interesting and difficult." Why? "......."

Luckily it was only $20 for two glasses of wine.

She was the one that wanted to meet me and wanted to go out for drinks. Waste of time.

 

[Twio]

Same happened with me and a my 2nd date off of POF. In the profile she say's she's a student, similar to the current girl I'm dating, but with her the date was shit. Got there and then she's stiff as a board. "I'm a student, but here on a work visa as an Au pair." I say, tell me about that, "errr........well it's interesting and difficult." Why? "......."

Luckily it was only $20 for two glasses of wine.

She was the one that wanted to meet me and wanted to go out for drinks. Waste of time.

Ugh, you got off easy, I paid $40 (Movie ticket, train ticket, snacks at movie theater)

Yeah, I asked if he'd be up for a second date but since I had to pull his teeth to get him to go on this first one I'm 99% sure he won't even respond, which makes giving up a thousand times easier for me.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Cut your losses and move on. There'll be someone else who will be engaged in a discussion with you.

 

[gugi40]

So just an update for anyone that cares lol he kissed me on our third date. And then I stayed over and we just snuggled no funny business lol. I wonder, has anyone had expereince with the whole taking it slow thing? I usually never get the chance to see what thats like.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

I'm in a situation where we're taking it slow. Two dates. Two long talks. Two hugs. Texting all day. No other physical intimacy at this point.

 

[GK86]

So just an update for anyone that cares lol he kissed me on our third date. And then I stayed over and we just snuggled no funny business lol. I wonder, has anyone had expereince with the whole taking it slow thing? I usually never get the chance to see what thats like.

Glad he finally made the move!

 

[gugi40]

I'm in a situation where we're taking it slow. Two dates. Two long talks. Two hugs. Texting all day. No other physical intimacy at this point.

I mean it doesnt bother me but I dont know what to think about it, like what if I want to be a little passionate im scared it might be too fast or something I dont know. I dont know if that makes much sense.

Glad he finally made the move!

Me too! I was way too hesitant lol

 

[davepoobond]

I mean it doesnt bother me but I dont know what to think about it, like what if I want to be a little passionate im scared it might be too fast or something I dont know. I dont know if that makes much sense.


Me too! I was way too hesitant lol

Just ask him what he thinks about you touching his private parts or something. I'm sure there's a better way to say it than that.



Girl that said she ended up wanting to meet hasn't replied to my date setting up message, and apparently she only has a couple days in the beginning of the week to do anything. So I'm guessing she lost interest.

 

[GK86]

I mean it doesnt bother me but I dont know what to think about it, like what if I want to be a little passionate im scared it might be too fast or something I dont know. I dont know if that makes much sense.

Have you guys talked about taking things slow? Or you just feel things are heading in that direction?

Also, define "little passionate."

 

[Five]

Folks...question regarding fake profiles. I see very hot girl, I message. She replies.

Why Its Fake:
-She didn't look at my profile after replying to my message
-She wants to move to Skype immediately

Why Its Real:
-Pics do not bring results on reverse image search
-Normal profile full of grammatical errors but thats it
-Replies very selectively (if a scammer then he/she would reply to everyone)

Willing to PM the profile in question. Opinions?

If she has A-List, she can set it so that she doesn't show up in your visitor list by visiting your profile.

Just out of curiosity, for other OKCupid users, If you use a pretty loose match filter, say

1. + or - 5 yrs your age
2. Within 50miles
3. Online Last Month
4. Whatever your prefence is for x looking for y or gay/straight/bi only

How many 90%+ matches do you have, How many 80-90%?

I have 36, and ~150 respectively

Also I have this thing that says I appeared in x search results in the last day. Seems to be averaging ~650

I also cant quite understand how a person can have Match % + Enemy % > 100. I suppose thats due to weighting of not important, somewhat important, very important for the questions, even if you havent answered it.

I'm 22 and set my filter to 21-26, within 50 miles, online in the last month, white, 5-star average, and I have over a thousand results. I couldn't reasonably count them all. It probably helps living reasonably close to Los Angeles.

So, whats the best kind of photos to use for yourself? Selfies? Action shots? Wearing a silly wig and a crazy ass shirt?

Show different facets of you. A selfie or two is fine, but also an action shot and a fancy shot. I have me dressed fancily out to dinner, me in a nerdy getup, me at a birthday party, and me posing seductively in my bedroom. The fancy one is primary, but the other ones are important flavor.

Is there a way to see who likes you on OKCupid without signing up for A-List?

Not any more. The app used to show you the location and age of the people who liked you, and you could cross reference that from your visitor list, but it doesn't any more.

 

[gugi40]

Just ask him what he thinks about you touching his private parts or something. I'm sure there's a better way to say it than that.



Girl that said she ended up wanting to meet hasn't replied to my date setting up message, and apparently she only has a couple days in the beginning of the week to do anything. So I'm guessing she lost interest.

Well i dont want to fondle his penis...lol I just mean that we barely even kiss as it is and I never experienced that before, maybe I need to wait and let time take its course.

Sorry to hear about the girl.

Have you guys talked about taking things slow? Or you just feel things are heading in that direction?

Also, define "little passionate."

We havent talked about it, not sure how to bring that up. Things are sort of going there on its own, I think because neither him or myself have very outgoing attitudes, we are scared of overstepping boundaries.

A little passionate to me is just sexy making out stuff.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

We havent talked about it, not sure how to bring that up. Things are sort of going there on its own, I think because neither him or myself have very outgoing attitudes, we are scared of overstepping boundaries.

A little passionate to me is just sexy making out stuff.

Are you two "official"? Personally I think if he continues to show interest in hanging out and communicating with you than the lack of physical intimacy shouldn't be a big deal. You say you're both not very outgoing so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

[SRG01]

We havent talked about it, not sure how to bring that up. Things are sort of going there on its own, I think because neither him or myself have very outgoing attitudes, we are scared of overstepping boundaries.

A little passionate to me is just sexy making out stuff.

Don't worry, it'll pick up on its own.

Both my ex and I are very reserved people, and she was very shy with our first kiss. It didn't take us very long to be, uh, at each other fairly passionately.

edit: I'm not sure how I'm carrying forward with online dating these days. I've been messaging girls half-heartedly -- and getting lots more replies than usual, ironically enough -- but I'm not sure where I stand on things. I've tempered a lot of my expectations, but that also means I'm highly cynical of how most of these conversations will play out (ie. nothing). At the same time, I really need to establish a social life outside of dating and work, which is easier said than done.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Well I was supposed to have my first date ever with that girl from OkC tonight, but I guess plans have changed...

...because I just woke up next to her.

Long story short, I ended up heading over to her dorm last night after exchanging a bunch of texts. We watched a few episodes of Community while cuddling, making out a lot (a LOT), and doing a bunch of other sexy things. And we're still gonna be heading to a restaurant for our "real" first date later today.

I'm so stoked.

Figured I'd finally post an update to this in case anyone was interested:

We're official! I asked her to be my first girlfriend yesterday (which also happened to be my 21st birthday) and she said yes!

After that first date, we ended up meeting on three other occasions in the same week. We've slowed things down (to about two dates per week) since then, but our chemistry still really blows me away. We both really enjoy being with each other. I've had pretty bad social anxiety for the past few years, so I haven't felt this comfortable around someone in a long time. Feels good, man. ^o^

 

[Azulsky]

At the same time, I really need to establish a social life outside of dating and work, which is easier said than done.

Tell me about it :/

 

[Horseticuffs]

Figured I'd finally post an update to this in case anyone was interested:

We're official! I asked her to be my first girlfriend yesterday (which also happened to be my 21st birthday) and she said yes!

After that first date, we ended up meeting on three other occasions in the same week. We've slowed things down (to about two dates per week) since then, but our chemistry still really blows me away. We both really enjoy being with each other. I've had pretty bad social anxiety for the past few years, so I haven't felt this comfortable around someone in a long time. Feels good, man. ^o^

Very cool, man. I'm really glad you're having such a positive experience

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Trying to pin down a second date with a girl and it's been frustrating. After meeting for coffee I suggested doing something next week and she said she'd have to check her work schedule. We continued chatting through text but she ended up being busy that week.

So yesterday I suggest going to dinner this week and she suggests inviting our friends to a gathering instead. I dance around the idea and work my way back towards my original dinner suggestion but she's too busy for that.

At this point I'm pretty sure the ball is in her court: if she wants to meet she'll suggest another time, no? I guess I can always revisit this next week but I feel like I'm doing all the work here and she's showing nominal interest.

 

[davepoobond]

Trying to pin down a second date with a girl and it's been frustrating. After meeting for coffee I suggested doing something next week and she said she'd have to check her work schedule. We continued chatting through text but she ended up being busy that week.

So yesterday I suggest going to dinner this week and she suggests inviting our friends to a gathering instead. I dance around the idea and work my way back towards my original dinner suggestion but she's too busy for that.

At this point I'm pretty sure the ball is in her court: if she wants to meet she'll suggest another time, no? I guess I can always revisit this next week but I feel like I'm doing all the work here and she's showing nominal interest.

What does the Brad Pitt rule say?

 

[Kyne]

Trying to pin down a second date with a girl and it's been frustrating. After meeting for coffee I suggested doing something next week and she said she'd have to check her work schedule. We continued chatting through text but she ended up being busy that week.

So yesterday I suggest going to dinner this week and she suggests inviting our friends to a gathering instead. I dance around the idea and work my way back towards my original dinner suggestion but she's too busy for that.

At this point I'm pretty sure the ball is in her court: if she wants to meet she'll suggest another time, no? I guess I can always revisit this next week but I feel like I'm doing all the work here and she's showing nominal interest.

red flags 1, 2, and 3.

You're done. Sorry mate.

 

[stn]

So yesterday I suggest going to dinner this week and she suggests inviting our friends to a gathering instead. I dance around the idea and work my way back towards my original dinner suggestion but she's too busy for that.

She's too busy to see you but not too busy to include friends? The whole post was a red flag but this was the most obvious. Any time you get "frustrated" due to scheduling plans...well, the girl is not interested. If she is then it will be very brisk and easy. Sorry man.

 

[davepoobond]

Too busy for dinner but not to hang out with a group of friends is asinine at best.

 

[GK86]

Drop and don't make contact. If she wants to go out, let her hit you up.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Yep you guys are right. Kind of sucks since I thought the first date went really well, but you can't win them all.

 

[Azulsky]

Yep you guys are right. Kind of sucks since I thought the first date went really well, but you can't win them all.

You dont even need to win them all, you just need to win 1 (for most people).

 

[y2dvd]

Finally got matched with someone on CMB. How do you chat with each other? It says we are connected, but when I click the chat bubble, I don't see her as an option to select from.

 

[gugi40]

Yeah you were all right about keeping at the pace, slowly we are making progress.

I feel weirdly though because I saw that he was last on pof on september 23rd *probably responding to messages. I know I shouldn't be suspicious because we are not "official" yet but it sort of does bug me considering I stopped all contact with pof because I am 'seriously' dating now. Am I wrong for being paranoid?

 

[freshair]

Finally got matched with someone on CMB. How do you chat with each other? It says we are connected, but when I click the chat bubble, I don't see her as an option to select from.

You should both get a text from a number that'll act as your communication hub until you decide if you want to exchange real numbers and pursue it further.

 

[davepoobond]

Yeah you were all right about keeping at the pace, slowly we are making progress.

I feel weirdly though because I saw that he was last on pof on september 23rd *probably responding to messages. I know I shouldn't be suspicious because we are not "official" yet but it sort of does bug me considering I stopped all contact with pof because I am 'seriously' dating now. Am I wrong for being paranoid?

How do you know he was? He might be wondering the same thing about you if you logged onto pof yourself to see if he logs on lol

If you don't want to be exclusive then don't say anything. If you do...

You should both get a text from a number that'll act as your communication hub until you decide if you want to exchange real numbers and pursue it further.

I've never gotten a text. It's all in the app.



Restart the app if the conversation isn't showing up. Might not have loaded correctly.

 

[SRG01]

So, this one girl I was talking to on eHarmony completely stopped talking to me once she told me she's actually out of town for the next eight months. Now I'm talking to another girl on Match (yeah...) but I'm not sure on how that one's going since a) she's drop-dead gorgeous and b) I'm not exactly first pick material.

I suppose that's the difference between my younger self (even from a few years ago) dating and the present self dating. Back then, my younger self would not care whether I was first pick material and still went after those opportunities no matter how improbable or distant they may be.

Yeah you were all right about keeping at the pace, slowly we are making progress.

I feel weirdly though because I saw that he was last on pof on september 23rd *probably responding to messages. I know I shouldn't be suspicious because we are not "official" yet but it sort of does bug me considering I stopped all contact with pof because I am 'seriously' dating now. Am I wrong for being paranoid?

Solved with one simple question: "Can we be exclusive now?"

edit: I wouldn't put too much thought into it either. There would only be alarm bells if he went back online while you two were having a serious relationship down the road. That actually happened between my ex and I. While I wasn't suspicious the first time around -- she was forthright about this guy apparently e-stalking her -- the second time around I actually found out by accident... and actually waited about two weeks to see if it was repeat behavior. It was, talked to her about it, and she denied anything happened. She never logged back on after that, but to this date, I'm not sure whether she was cheating on me during those months she was away -- in that situation and others too.

 

[gugi40]

How do you know he was? He might be wondering the same thing about you if you logged onto pof yourself to see if he logs on lol

If you don't want to be exclusive then don't say anything. If you do...



I've never gotten a text. It's all in the app.



Restart the app if the conversation isn't showing up. Might not have loaded correctly.

I only went on to make sure my accout was still hidden, one time the site cancelled the option for hidden profile. I saw he was on and stuff. I know because we arent official I can't really say anything about it because people are allowed to be looking around while not in a relationship. It just makes me uneasy.

So, this one girl I was talking to on eHarmony completely stopped talking to me once she told me she's actually out of town for the next eight months. Now I'm talking to another girl on Match (yeah...) but I'm not sure on how that one's going since a) she's drop-dead gorgeous and b) I'm not exactly first pick material.

I suppose that's the difference between my younger self (even from a few years ago) dating and the present self dating. Back then, my younger self would not care whether I was first pick material and still went after those opportunities no matter how improbable or distant they may be.



Solved with one simple question: "Can we be exclusive now?"

edit: I wouldn't put too much thought into it either. There would only be alarm bells if he went back online while you two were having a serious relationship down the road. That actually happened between my ex and I. While I wasn't suspicious the first time around -- she was forthright about this guy apparently e-stalking her -- the second time around I actually found out by accident... and actually waited about two weeks to see if it was repeat behavior. It was, talked to her about it, and she denied anything happened. She never logged back on after that, but to this date, I'm not sure whether she was cheating on me during those months she was away -- in that situation and others too.

AAAAAAAND this is why it makes me uneasy. Im sorry that bullshit happened to you.

 

[GK86]

My third date is going to be at my house for beer and horror movies. Initially, the third date was a Coney Island date (still happening), but one thing lead to another and now it looks like fun time.

She's really down to earth and not complicated, which I'm digging a lot.

 

[davepoobond]

I only went on to make sure my accout was still hidden, one time the site cancelled the option for hidden profile. I saw he was on and stuff. I know because we arent official I can't really say anything about it because people are allowed to be looking around while not in a relationship. It just makes me uneasy.

AAAAAAAND this is why it makes me uneasy. Im sorry that bullshit happened to you.

I totally get it, I would have the same thoughts but September 23 was 14 days ago....

When was your guys first, second, and third dates?

 

[SRG01]

I totally get it, I would have the same thoughts but September 23 was 14 days ago....

When was your guys first, second, and third dates?

Yes, if it was 14 days ago, don't worry about it.