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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Fuck this site! I spent 20 minutes signing up only to have these assholes tell me that I can't even use anything if I don't pay for it. Seriously, shit like that needs to be illegal.
Oh yeah, definitely what I'm gonna do. I wouldn't really be opposed to being friends if that's what she wanted, but she doesn't really have that great a personality for that to work out.
I feel like I just put myself in a predicament. Still seeing the same girl for 2 months, but we are still seeing each other once every 1 1/2 to 2 weeks or so. It's too infrequent. I like her but I'm not sure what to make of this relationship yet. We're going to see each other tonight, but only after I told her I have to see her again soon and not wait another week or two. She joking asked if I was threatening or giving her an ultimatum. I said it could be a little bit of both.
So I still was using OKC on the side and was actually able to set a date up for tomorrow night with someone I've been chatting with for two days now.
Also, I didn't realize CMB logged me off, so I downloaded the update and logged back in. I connected with a cute girl and asked for her number within my 2nd message and she gave it to me. I can paraphrase the convo if it may help anyone.
Anyways, does two months of dating makes me exclusive or is it ok to continue to date around? Sounds like it can be an -age thread lol.
So I still was using OKC on the side and was actually able to set a date up for tomorrow night with someone I've been chatting with for two days now.
Also, I didn't realize CMB logged me off, so I downloaded the update and logged back in. I connected with a cute girl and asked for her number within my 2nd message and she gave it to me. I can paraphrase the convo if it may help anyone.
Anyways, does two months of dating makes me exclusive or is it ok to continue to date around? Sounds like it can be an -age thread lol.
Two months of dating every 1-1.5 weeks = ~ 8 dates? Not that there is a magic number or anything, but I think that's still "new person" territory and unless one of you brings up exclusivity, then you're free and should continue to date around.
Personally I find POF to be the bottom of the barrel as far as quality women. They don't put any effort into their profiles and seems to attract a certain "type", which you will see soon enough. Could just be my area though, but I have more luck on Tinder/OKC/CMB as a minority male.
And my date on Saturday went pretty well I must say. We talked for a few hours and neither of expected to last that long. Super smart and witty and comes from a wealthy background. Also was previously engaged! But we talked about politics, religion, dating, future things and she seems to know what she wants and is looking for, so that didn't bother me.
Though can I say that it's still weird kissing a girl taller than you? It's difficult to make a move and I actually told her to give me a kiss (which she did), but I need to find a way to do it with me initiating and not telling her lol.
Until you guys say/talk about being exclusive, you aren't. I have been dating the same girl for three months. Not exclusive.
I started a POF account over the weekend as I felt I was seeing the same OKC matches too often and I gotta say, I hate the layout. It's so messy and I actually found a lot of women that I've seen on OKC there. So while it's anecdotal, I would totally try OKC over POF. I might check out CMB next weekend when I have some time.
On that note, I also checked out Match.com since I figured people actually paying for the service might be more serious about dating but holy crap, it's almost $30 a month! Come on now, that's just ridiculous. I'll subscribe after the new year if nothing comes up on OKC by then, I guess.
I've never had this problem since I'm pretty tall, but I've heard a bunch of GAFfers complain that statistically, women write them off entirely just because they were shorter than them. So keep that in mind when you're with her. As for how to initiate a kiss...I mean...what's the height difference we're talking here? Can you not reach her face unless she hunches over? Because that's what you're making it sound like.
Nonono, don't buy it month to month! Get the extended packages for like 3 or 6 months, and there free promos that come out once in a while.
Do a self-assessment and try to guess how long it will take for you to find a girlfriend, then buy a subscription that roughly corresponds to that.
Mine would be a year at this rate ;_; I actually buy at 3 month intervals.
Why not just ask her?
megamerican
Member
I'm in a similar situation. I don't really know what to make of it either. I would say you're all clear to date around. If anything it sounds like you're more into the potential relationship than she is.
I've been seeing someone for a few months but it's off and on too. And I'm kind of over the constant texting thing at this point when there is often two weeks between dates. She legitimately has a lot of shit going on, but I figure I'm just gonna back off and let her figure out her priorities. I'm kind of at a take it or leave it point, she's very cute but I think getting serious with her might present a few issues.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
That feeling when you get a message notification and it's a girl you're chatting with but not the girl you want to hear from.
Interesting - what kind of promos are there? Since you're already in, would you say the girls there are similar or different to the ones on the free dating sites like OKC?
Sorry to hear that man. =( I've been single for like 8 months now and am getting tired of it, so I know how you feel.
Ughhh, hate that feeling.
Not sure on the promo specifics, but I've seen lots of women say that they're there with a one-month promo? Some OkC girls are definitely on Match, but by and large the user base is extremely different. However, I really do caution you if you're an ethnic minority using Match.com. Each profile lists exactly what the other person is looking for -- even ethnicity. You can't filter by what your match is looking for, so it may get a little frustrating to see profile after profile saying that they prefer to date only Caucasian men.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Waiting too long really does kill stuff. Sucks I haven't had free time lately.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Well I randomly had 3 girls all start talking to me the past week at the same time. Felt like I was all over the place trying to set up meetings with people.
First girl, I had talked to her on the phone, set something up for Saturday of last week. She wanted to talk the next day, so we did, but the real intention of the chat was to cancel the date cause it was her first time doing online dating yadda yadda. She said she wanted to tell me over the phone instead of text since I was a nice guy and didnt want to disrespect me. I have no idea if she is still interested, just texted her today so ill see if she responds...
Second girl, she said shed like to meet up. Stops responding during the logistical "where and when to meet up" stage, so I guess that means she doesn't want to meet up.
Third girl, I wasn't really feeling our conversation and I kind of stopped replying to her, though she said she wanted to meet up. At this point it's been a few days since I sent her a message. I guess I could meet up with her still maybe, but I sort of dont want to.
First girl, I had talked to her on the phone, set something up for Saturday of last week. She wanted to talk the next day, so we did, but the real intention of the chat was to cancel the date cause it was her first time doing online dating yadda yadda. She said she wanted to tell me over the phone instead of text since I was a nice guy and didnt want to disrespect me. I have no idea if she is still interested, just texted her today so ill see if she responds...
Second girl, she said shed like to meet up. Stops responding during the logistical "where and when to meet up" stage, so I guess that means she doesn't want to meet up.
Third girl, I wasn't really feeling our conversation and I kind of stopped replying to her, though she said she wanted to meet up. At this point it's been a few days since I sent her a message. I guess I could meet up with her still maybe, but I sort of dont want to.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
BIGWORM
Member
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Yeah, probably. I think I've had some other bad ones though, this one is just new to me.
Hehe, yeah, I knew the others. I just somehow avoided the first one somehow until this point.
Question, Online Dating gaffers:
Do you take a lack of initiation of contact as a lack of interest? Or would you always ask someone directly if they wanted to do something?
I brought a girl to a hockey game a little under two weeks ago, and she seemed to have fun, but we haven't spoken since. I took this to mean she wasn't really interested, since she had sometimes followed up in the past after dates, or occasionally texted me out of the blue, but I was talking to a friend and he thought I was being quite stubborn. I noticed she reactivated her OKC profile in the past couple of days (I think she deactivated it after that third date) so I reckon she's either given up on me and/or is looking for someone else.
I'm not that bothered; we got along well and I definitely liked her, but...I don't know. I got the feeling that she was wondering what to do with her career (she was doing an unpaid internship), and was applying to gigs that might move her out of the area. She also wanted to take things pretty slow, and although the no sex thing doesn't bother me that much since my drive can be very low at times, it's almost important to me as a show of good faith. Or a sign of progress, in the absence of other types of intimacy. And this is a bit embarrassing to write down, but I was worried that I could just keep spending lots of money on dates for it to amount to nothing. I've sort of over extended myself with this apartment and car lease and don't have as much disposable income as I once did....
Anyway that's a bit stream of consciousness but I suppose that's why I haven't followed up. I'm wondering though, is expecting women to get in touch first unrealistic?
Do you take a lack of initiation of contact as a lack of interest? Or would you always ask someone directly if they wanted to do something?
I brought a girl to a hockey game a little under two weeks ago, and she seemed to have fun, but we haven't spoken since. I took this to mean she wasn't really interested, since she had sometimes followed up in the past after dates, or occasionally texted me out of the blue, but I was talking to a friend and he thought I was being quite stubborn. I noticed she reactivated her OKC profile in the past couple of days (I think she deactivated it after that third date) so I reckon she's either given up on me and/or is looking for someone else.
I'm not that bothered; we got along well and I definitely liked her, but...I don't know. I got the feeling that she was wondering what to do with her career (she was doing an unpaid internship), and was applying to gigs that might move her out of the area. She also wanted to take things pretty slow, and although the no sex thing doesn't bother me that much since my drive can be very low at times, it's almost important to me as a show of good faith. Or a sign of progress, in the absence of other types of intimacy. And this is a bit embarrassing to write down, but I was worried that I could just keep spending lots of money on dates for it to amount to nothing. I've sort of over extended myself with this apartment and car lease and don't have as much disposable income as I once did....
Anyway that's a bit stream of consciousness but I suppose that's why I haven't followed up. I'm wondering though, is expecting women to get in touch first unrealistic?
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I think it depends. Early on I don't mind starting things or taking initiative but at some point it has to be reciprocated. At some point if they don't start conversations or anything then they're just not interested. Of someone interested you, would you always wait for them to contact you first? Early on I wouldn't set expectations but as time progresses it should be mutual the contact.
Had an ok coffee date. Traffic was killer so I barely made it there on time. I was starving at that point and ordered a sandwich. I freaking hate eating on the first date. Hard to conversate with me shoving food down my throat. I apologized for it and she understood. The conversation was relatively tame and formal but I didn't mind. Her body language seems to indicate she was interested in me or at the very least didn't mind my presence. She kept facing me and made a lot of eye contact. I've had chicks lean away before lol.
I walked her to her car afterwards, told her it was nice chatting with her, and if she'd like to hang out again. She was game and gave me her number and told me to call it so she can save it. Gave her a peck on the cheek and called it a night.
I didn't want to escalate anything and just want to give more of a friendly vibe since I'm getting a little more serious with that other girl. I don't mind making friends off of OKC I guess lol. Next time, I'll ask her what is she looking for out of this so I don't mislead.
Oh, she went for the handshake as the introduction. I looked at her hand briefly and went in for the hug, which took her aback lol.
I walked her to her car afterwards, told her it was nice chatting with her, and if she'd like to hang out again. She was game and gave me her number and told me to call it so she can save it. Gave her a peck on the cheek and called it a night.
I didn't want to escalate anything and just want to give more of a friendly vibe since I'm getting a little more serious with that other girl. I don't mind making friends off of OKC I guess lol. Next time, I'll ask her what is she looking for out of this so I don't mislead.
Oh, she went for the handshake as the introduction. I looked at her hand briefly and went in for the hug, which took her aback lol.
jadedm17
Member
Edit : She arrived at 420 for our 330 date. Coffee and walk around town was great once we got past her inability to budget time (she was shopping with her sister). Another red flag came when she spent 4 minutes checking texts, but that's partly because she's a manager. So as a whole the date was.... confusing, I've never had a first date where I didn't know where I stood. Either way she texted me right after and we're going bowling when she gets back from a week vacation so hopefully date two is better.
This morning, I just got back from a cruise and confirmed a date we set up on Okc last week. She's headed to NY from FL and got behind trying on winter clothes with her sister. That as a whole wasn't bad, the handling of it was : Text me at 322 that she'll be 10-15 late for our 330 date, so 340-345 right? I text at 357 "Everything okay?" And she responds a few minutes later she's on her way. Says 5 mins at 407, arrives 419. Thoughts?
This morning, I just got back from a cruise and confirmed a date we set up on Okc last week. She's headed to NY from FL and got behind trying on winter clothes with her sister. That as a whole wasn't bad, the handling of it was : Text me at 322 that she'll be 10-15 late for our 330 date, so 340-345 right? I text at 357 "Everything okay?" And she responds a few minutes later she's on her way. Says 5 mins at 407, arrives 419. Thoughts?
Did you guys confirm the day of/before? Because if you didn't then that could be miscommunication. But if you did, then that reflects poorly on her part.
I've been stood up before and it suckkkkkks. Though I think that was actually a cat fish.
As others have said, not at first. I don't like the whole game playing thing so I usually initiate contact because it just makes it easier on everyone. However if we've gone on a few dates and I'm still doing all the initiation that may be a lack of interest, but it's really hard to read into these things because everyone has their own style and mannerisms. I'd say as long as she keeps responding and agreeing to dates, then I have no problem texting first.
Though once things are more serious, I expect the same reciprocity.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Got another connection on cmb. But she isn't asking any questions back after 3 questions from me.
On to the next one.
On to the next one.
megamerican
Member
That happens a lot, even if they were the ones who initiated contact. If I'm still interested I respond with some kind of anecdote sans question and see if they hold up their end of the conversation.
I've been having bad luck keeping girls' interest high once I get their numbers lately to bridge meeting up. How do you guys who have been successful lately keep the interest going? I got a girl's number from Tinder several minutes ago but she said she has pre-Thanksgiving plans for this weekend and plans to travel for Thanksgiving so it'll be at least another week until I can meet up with her. Another one on Tinder said she's gonna spend the whole weekend at her friend's place.
Some people are quite literally unable to keep track of time. I know some people that can be more than an hour late to things.
BIGWORM
Member
Had a date ditch me on Thursday night. She was supposed to come over to my place and hang out. She didn't respond to my text or call that night. Friday morning, she tells me that she was sick and ended up going to the hospital for dehydration and apologized for "flaking," saying she'd like to make up for Thursday. Guess I should stay cautiously optimistic?
redhairedking
Junior Member
Does anyone here have any experience using Coffee Meets Bagel? What would be good things to put on my profile? There isn't a whole lot of space so I need to only say the really important things.
jadedm17
Member
Cautiously optimistic, that's exactly how I'm taking things with the girl I met recently. Honestly though that sounds legitimate, more than I got anyways. Hah
Honestly no, but if it's anything like my experience with OKC then most won't read it anyways : Keep It simple, light-hearted and fun, then let your messages speak for you.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Yes. Just keep it to the highlights or whatever you feel you want to convey. People only have 1 match a day so they may be more likely to look through what you type vs tinder
j0hnnix
Member
So after my 3month relationship ended I'm trying again. Met a girl I like we have msg back and forth a few times , showed interest from both of us. So I gave her my number Saturday afternoon to msg me and that I was heading to a brew factory with friends since then she has not msg me back.. should I just move on to the next or be patient?
Saturday afternoon as in yesterday? Be patient.
j0hnnix
Member
Lol.. King of impatience...
Well, it isn't like you have any means of contacting her, so what is the point being impatient/over thinking? Just go about your day, dude. It is good that you took the shot.
j0hnnix
Member
100% right!
j0hnnix
Member
Always. Never hurts to just try the typical hello and drop something funny or a comment about there picture.
1) Look at their pictures for something interesting to bring up. Example: I'm currently dating this woman I met from tinder about 3 months ago. One of her pictures was of her after a color race run. Send her a message asking her if the color run was everything I dream it would be. Nothing fancy.
2) If pictures fail, look at their description. Example: I remember this one woman had in her description, "sometimes I wear glasses." Send her a message saying FYI, I always wear glasses.
3) If both of those fail, out of left field type of openers. Example: Pizza or Sushi?
Thanks, I'll give it ago with some of my matches tomorrow and let you know how it goes
stn
Member
@Niven
Dude, don't miss out on opportunities due to over-thinking an opener. If a girl matches with you on Tinder then she's at least attracted to you on some level, which is the most important thing at that point. Just say anything. Ask her a random joke, make a funny comment, or just say "HI".
Keep it simple. So many guys spend hours stressing over an opener when "HI!" usually does the job.
Dude, don't miss out on opportunities due to over-thinking an opener. If a girl matches with you on Tinder then she's at least attracted to you on some level, which is the most important thing at that point. Just say anything. Ask her a random joke, make a funny comment, or just say "HI".
Keep it simple. So many guys spend hours stressing over an opener when "HI!" usually does the job.
j0hnnix
Member
So she texted me this afternoon. Talked about her family and my family she mentioned her grandmother passed away due to cancer. She mentioned her past relationship was for 7 years and she broke up with him because he was an alcoholic...I asked her if that affected her in any way she said he was just careless and sloppy and grew tired of it..Anyways, I went to workout and when I got out I msg her back around 9 asked her what her fav TV shows were and that's about it.. we have some more things in common about what she likes to drink and do. She mentioned her sister lives with her , I guess that's cool, she's close with her family..
My last gf who was extremely independent but an awesome person to be with when we were together - always showing interest no matter what I said, I feel I am maybe trying to compare them.. and that's making things harder..my ex decided to move for a job in Texas (she was dea) and I couldn't leave where I'm at so we broke up in good terms.
All I can say is things are moving slow , a good sign, a bad sign? I dont know..
jadedm17
Member
If there's progress - and both parties are happy with it - then it's not a bad sign; You both went through a lot so slow isn't a bad thing, it allows you to enjoy the little things. As for comparisons, well, that happens. It's sad though because I've done the same : My first few girlfriends were great about showing interest, asked questions and genuinely cared to learn how I thought, something I've found very lacking in my relationships - even decent ones - of the last few years. It's early for you though so I wouldn't worry and enjoy the ride for now.
So I thought I dropped the ball with the 32 year old after giving her countless excuses not to sleep with her. It turns out that I didn't: I'm 100% for sure going to her place this Friday night at 9PMish after I sent her a picture mail of a selfie of me in my bed. I dunno if she's gonna mangle me like the last girl did several months ago so I told her to go easy on me from having been several months out of it. I'm pretty sure I won't be having any condom issues this time around so it should hopefully be smooth sailing. Emphasis on hopefully.
In other news, I'm closing on getting a 20 year old's number and planning on hanging out with her on Saturday. Will keep it simple and cheap since Black Friday is going to do some damage to my wallet. Gotta follow up with a few other girls but otherwise, it's been solid.
Also, I'm pretty sure I saw a nude picture in one of my Tinder matches' moment picture where she took a selfie of herself in front a mirror covering her boobs. Suffice to say, it was a decent body. It turns out that I hit her up on September 30th and I forgot and she mentioned that she was into girls. I think she's probably looking for attention like a couple of matches who I tried hitting up are. I didn't know that that type of thing flies.
In other news, I'm closing on getting a 20 year old's number and planning on hanging out with her on Saturday. Will keep it simple and cheap since Black Friday is going to do some damage to my wallet. Gotta follow up with a few other girls but otherwise, it's been solid.
Also, I'm pretty sure I saw a nude picture in one of my Tinder matches' moment picture where she took a selfie of herself in front a mirror covering her boobs. Suffice to say, it was a decent body. It turns out that I hit her up on September 30th and I forgot and she mentioned that she was into girls. I think she's probably looking for attention like a couple of matches who I tried hitting up are. I didn't know that that type of thing flies.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I suppose it's an accomplishment that I got some replies from "very selective" profiles, but the conversations just end up so bland and one-sided.